Archive of Our Own ^beta

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A pity she does not exist,

A shame he's not a f-g,

The only girl I ever loved

Was-

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"So uh, Dook... Would you wanna come with me to a drag show?"

Rolfe's ears perked up, staring over at center stage as Beach Bear explained himself. The sound of other chatter could be heard in the background, as the band had all agreed on taking a short break.

"For what reason?" Dook responded with.

"There's a drag queen that'll be there named Esmerelda, and I have a strange feeling that it might be Fatz's girlfriend who's performing there."

"But I thought bein' a drag queen was only meant for gay men."

"No, no, Dook-" Beach Bear let out a soft chuckle, then their conversation faded out to it just being in between them.

Huh. Esmerelda. He knew that Fatz talked about her all the time, and made it seem like it was his one true love, but he's actually never really seen what she looks like or anything.

Maybe it was because he had promised her to keep her identity safe from everyone else? 

Rolfe shrugged it off, not really caring for anything that was just mentioned, going back to doing his own thing on the stage.

---

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I don't know why I even went

It's really not my bag

Just thought it might be funny to see-

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"Alright, so why did I have to come along?"

"Because you're gay."

Rolfe gave Beach Bear a surprised yet offended expression. Beach Bear smirked a bit, taking a seat next to Dook, passing out the bottles of beer he got for them as he did so.

"Alright, just because I'm gay, it doesn't mean that I like watching drag shows," Rolfe muttered, glaring over at Beach still. "I actually don't find them entertaining at all."

Beach Bear could only chuckle at this, as he believed saying more would cause Rolfe to walk out.

As the time went by, more people begun to fill the bar - most of them, from what Rolfe could tell, were men. Some of the women that attended either looked like the definition of a gay woman, or seemed to not want to be there and were dragged along to an event like this by whoever took them, similar to the reason why Rolfe was there.

The lights in the bar slowly began to fade around them once the building was packed enough, and a nice, masculine voice hummed through the speakers on the stage. Everything that was going on that night for these shows was briefed, and the acts were explained.

Only thing that Beach Bear, Dook and Rolfe kept their ears opened for was the "Esmerelda" act, which was said to be the first act that night.

Huh. Nice. 

The announcer ended with a cheery thank you and told the audience to enjoy the night, the room exploding into claps, whistles and cheers as an accepted thank you right after he turned off his mic.

Everything seemed to settle. Rolfe took a drink of his beer, relaxing himself and preparing his mentality to see Fatz's girlfriend for the first time. 

---

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The moment he walked on the stage

My tail began to wag

Wag like a little wiener dog for-

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What seemed to be That's Life by Frank Sinatra begun to play through the speakers, catching the audience off-guard, and the curtains that graced the front of the stage separated to show pitch black figures in no light. The main show of the act, the drag queen whose stage name was Esmerelda, was centered in the middle and closer to the front, with what seemed to be two back-up dancers standing behind her.

Then, after a few seconds the lyrics came around. The lights above the performers dimmed on, and it was eventually revealed to the audience what Esmerelda looked like, which got them erupting into another wave of claps and cheers.

Well, everyone cheered except for Beach Bear, Dook LaRue, and Rolfe DeWolfe.

They ended up being left stunned and completely confused.

"Is that...?"

"Yeah, it is who you're thinking, Dook. Apparently Fatz likes drag." Beach Bear mumbled, grabbing his beer bottle tightly before taking a good swig out of it. Really, Beach Bear thought that Esmerelda would've been female, Fatz's girlfriend, but it didn't seem like it. Unless if she was a really masculine woman, Beach Bear had every right to assume that the person underneath the hair and makeup was Fatz.

All of their mouths practically hanging open, the three of them continued to watch as who they thought to be Fatz moved around the stage, lipsyncing to the lyrics originally performed by Frank Sinatra. The dress he was wearing was long, sparkly, a sweet, sweet silver with a blue tint to it, the long off-the-shoulder sleeves reflecting that blue more towards the end of them, pairing nicely with the white heels he chose to wear with the outfit. His black hair, or maybe wig, was styled so it was falling towards the side of his head, with the nice touch of manufactured waves falling across it.

And the makeup. It was very well done - the eyeshadow a blue going into a silver, meant to match the dress, pairing wonderfully with the deep red lip color that was decided.

"I really wasn't expectin' to see Fatz outta all people doin' this." Dook suddenly blurted out, catching the other two off guard from what he said.

Well, it at least bought Beach Bear out of the disturbed trance he was feeling.

The two would end up going into a deep conversation after Dook's comment, talking about how likely it was for Fatz to actually be the one underneath that outfit. 

Rolfe couldn't really... get out of that entranced feeling, though.

He wasn't sure if it was the Frank Sinatra song blaring through the speakers, or if it was the performance itself, but it really didn't matter which one it was.

It just mattered that he kept watching Fatz.

From his small movements, to the scan around the crowd he would do and the little winks and flirty smiles he gave out to the crowd, Rolfe couldn't get his eyes off of the performance. This odd, light feeling had started to develop in his chest, he being able to describe it as a little flutter of his heart, and a heavy breath in his lungs.

Goddamn, was Fatz, who was obviously assumed to be under that outfit, was gorgeous-looking.

Before the three knew it, the show had ended. Everyone blew up into a final cheer for the show, the drag queen and her back up performers giving their quick bows and inaudible thank yous to the crowd, then making their way off the stage as soon as possible. The curtains in front of the stage would close, and the announcer from before would come back on.

"We are so glad you guys enjoyed a show from one of our top performers!" The announcers voice echoed through the room, silencing the crowd slowly. "You may get up and go see her backstage now!"

So that's what Beach, Dook, and Rolfe did.

The rushed up from their seats, practically running through the crowd of people already forming to get to the little room where Esmerelda would be located in. Rolfe was also the one leading it, as his curiosity was starting to get to the best of him.

"Jesus, Rolfe, slow down!" Dook would say behind him.

He couldn't care though.

Soon, they would make it close enough to the front of the line, only behind a few people who seemed to be extreme fans of Es. They really just wanted to figure out if it was really Fatz or not, and maybe even get a picture with him.

She wasn't out yet, though.

"Where is she? He? Whatever the fuck they prefer to go by when in drag?" Dook asked, looking around with a confused look on his face.

"Dook, she'll be out in a few. Just be patient man, be patient." Beach Beach quickly responded with.

Rolfe just kept his eyes on what he believed to be the door that Esmerelda would most likely enter from. Luckily, he would be right, as only a few minutes later, as Beach Bear predicted, Esmerelda would come walking through the door, still in the same look as she was before.

And she managed to still look glamorous. She also still managed to tug at Rolfe's insides, as the masculinity showing through the femininity made his skin crawl in all the right ways.

The people before them would be allowed to walk up to the table she took a seat at, clearly all giddy about talking to her. 

Slowly, but surely, the conversation between Esmerelda and the small group got a bit louder, making the voice of Es' clear. It was deep, heavily southern, pretty much a carbon copy of how Fatz's voice sounded, making it almost obvious that it was Fatz who was underneath that little drag costume of his.

Before the three knew it, they were up next. Anxiety riled up in all of them as they made their way closer and closer to Fatz. Fatz payed half attention to who was walking up to the spot in front of him, actually paying his mind when they were there, ready to be talked to.

He looked slightly up, and noticed who was actually in front of him.

"Hey, uh..." Rolfe was the first to break the strained silence, laughing kind of awkwardly through his words. Fatz sat there, slightly stunned, both eyebrows up in the air as he stared.

"That was a really nice performance you did," Beach Bear would be the next to find his words and get them out. "You also look great dressed up the way you do." 

"Thank you, boys." Fatz hummed in response, reaching over to the glass of water on his table, taking a short sip out of it. He then placed it back down, and went back to talking to the three confused animals standing in front of him.

"I'm guessin' y'all came because you guys believed Esmerelda existed as my girlfriend?" Fatz would then ask.

"U-Uh, yeah, kinda." Dook said. Damn, was this awkward for all of them. Fatz seemed to be more cooled down with it, but Beach, Dook, and especially Rolfe were struggling to keep their heads on straight and together.

Fatz could only chuckle at this.

"Alright, you guys are holdin' up the line, I'ma let y'all go." And just like that, the three still highly confused animals made their way put of the little backstage room. Well, actually, two of them did, Rolfe still locked in his entranced zone before Beach Bear had to grab his arm drag him out of that room.

---

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I'll never see that girl again

He did it as a gag

I'll pine away forevermore for-

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That evening definitely stuck to those three's memories for at least a month. 

Beach Bear would use it as a teasing method for a hot minute whenever it was just him, Rolfe, Dook and Fatz, causing Fatz to almost instantly lash out at him whenever he went too far. Dook would sometimes join in on the banter, but most of the time it wasn't even on his mind unless if it got brought up when he was around, which wasn't very often.

Rolfe was a whole other story, though.

It seemed almost as if that night became a whole new awakening for him. Each and every second Rolfe found out that bar Fatz did his show at was opened for drag queens, he would go, and every single time he went he was able to see Fatz being glorious as ever and lip syincing to whatever 50's or 60's song he wanted to. The whole performance was music for his ears, even if Rolfe didn't like the older stuff that much, and a treat for his eyes, as he obviously doesn't come across something like what he experienced 

Of course it was odd. It was pretty odd to know that your literal bandmate was a drag queen, but there was just something about it that Rolfe couldn't get over.

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A pity she does not exist,

A shame he's not a f-g,

The only girl I ever loved

Was Fatz in Drag.

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