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It was so cold. And yet, that wasn't the reason Yu was shivering.
He was slumped on the floor, head on his knees. A faint wind blew outside. Yu dug his nails into his skin.
It was so cold, and so empty. The fog muffled the outside world; it was so unnaturally quiet.
He hated it. He hated how empty the house felt, with his sister or uncle. He hated being alone.
It was so cold.
He shivered, bracing against the couch. He took in a breath, but his throat felt choked. His heart began to race. Too loud, too fast. His arms were shaking. His chest burned.
Calm down.
He tried to recall a breathing exercise. But his mind was spinning, so fast. Thoughts were flying from everywhere. He needed to stop. But he couldn't. He was going to shatter. His eyes burned, and his breathing picked up, shallow breaths.
No no no. He was done with these. He'd been doing so well. He'd been getting better. He'd come so far, saved so many lives...
And he was still dealing with this.
Tears built in his eyes. He couldn't be alone right now. It was so late. He shouldn't bother others with his stupid problems. And yet...
He reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone. Through blurry eyes, he began to make a call.
Your affection, your affection, taking pride from fear...
Yosuke groaned, rolling over in his futon, as his cheerful ringtone ripped him from sleep. He wiped sleep from his eyes. According to his bedside clock, it was 1:30 AM. Who the hell was ringing him at this hour?
He grabbed his phone, checking the caller ID. He let himself slump when he saw who it was. Yu.
If it had been anyone else ringing him, he would've chewed them out. But he couldn't bring himself to be mad at Yu. The guy was going through it - what, with his sister and uncle in hospital. And plus, Yu wasn't the type who would just ring him for no reason. Obviously, this was something important.
"Hey, man," Yosuke greeted. "What's up?" He added a teasing edge. "You just couldn't wait 'til morning to talk to me, huh?"
"Um..." Yu's voice sounded... different. Strained, and tight, almost like he was struggling to breathe. Yu was a relatively quiet person, but this was weird, even for him.
Yosuke furrowed his brow in concern. He ditched the tease in his tone.
"Yu?" he asked. "You okay?"
"Sorry, I..." Yu trailed off. "I shouldn't have called."
"No, it's all good," Yosuke replied. "Did you need something?"
"I..." Yu's voice was somehow even more strained than before. It sounded like he had a fever.
"Take it easy," Yosuke replied. "Just tell me what's going on."
"I'm sorry," Yu apologised again.
"You don't need to apologise, man," Yosuke reassured him. "I'm here to help."
Yu didn't say anything. Yosuke almost thought he hung up, but he could hear heavy breathing on the other side.
"I'm sorry," Yu repeated. "I'm so sorry. I..."
His breathing was growing in intensity. The call became staticky.
Shit, Yosuke thought.
"Hey, it's alright," Yosuke tried to keep his own voice level. "Stay with me, okay?"
Yu's breathing was getting shallow. The static was growing louder.
"Yo... Yosuke..." Yu got out.
"Hang in there," Yosuke made up his mind. "I'll be right over."
He hopped out of bed, quickly racing to his closet and throwing on the nearest jacket. He slipped on some pants he'd conveniently left lying on the floor and raced out of his room. He knew his parents would chew him out for running around in the middle of the night, but he really didn't care at the moment. The sound of Yu's panicked breathing made his own heart race. He brought his phone to his ear.
"Give me ten minutes, partner," he promised, quickly. "I'm coming."
He could hear Teddie snoring; thank goodness, he really didn't want to have to deal with him at the moment... or concern him, for that matter. He headed downstairs and out into the freezing night. He cursed, rubbing his arms. It was hard to see as well, not only due to the darkness of the night, but also because of all the goddamn fog.
Luckily, his scooter was parked right by the garage door. He hadn't actually taken it out at night before, but he doubted he'd run into a lot of traffic at this hour. He supposed it was also a risk driving it through the fog, but he wanted to reach Yu sooner than later. He slipped on, switching on its headlights as the engine roared to life.
Although navigating at night had been more difficult, no thanks to the fog, Yosuke managed to find his way to the Dojima residence. He parked his scooter near Yu's and jumped off, racing to the front door. He knocked.
"Yu!" he called out.
When no one responded, he tried for the handle. Luckily, the door swung open. Empty silence greeted him, as well as ice cold stillness. Shit, it was like a freezer in there.
"Yu?" Yosuke asked, quickly removing his shoes.
He heard faint breathing. He walked into the living room, finally spotting who was looking for. Yu was hunched in a ball at the foot of the couch, his night clothes drenched in sweat.
"Hey, hey," Yosuke greeted, keeping his voice level. "It's okay, Yu. I'm here."
Yu trembled. Yosuke kneeled down beside him and put a hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.
"It's okay," he repeated. "I'm here."
Yu peered out from under his arms, a dulled eye catching Yosuke's own. His trembling finally began to subside.
"There you are," Yosuke smiled. "Take it easy."
"Yosuke, I..." Yu's voice trembled. "I'm so sorry."
"I told you not to apologise," Yosuke replied. "It's fine. I'm your partner, man. I got your back."
He gave Yu's shoulder another gentle squeeze. Yu blinked, a tear slipping from his eyes. He took in a deep breath, finally lifting his head. A quiet sobbed escaped him.
"Feeling better?" Yosuke asked.
"A little," Yu got out, his voice more stable. "Thank you for coming. Especially since it's so late."
"Hey, no big deal," Yosuke winked. "Anything for my partner."
Yu sighed, heavily. He stared down at the floor.
"I thought I was over them," he admitted.
Yosuke stared at him in surprise. "You mean...?"
"I haven't had a panic attack in a while," Yu continued. "I used to get them a lot when I was little. I haven't had any since coming here. I thought... I thought I wouldn't get anymore." He huffed. "I'm an idiot."
"Hey, hey," Yosuke chided. "It's not your fault. I mean, look at everything that's happened this year! I'm surprised none of us have lost it, especially you. I'd say you're handling it really well, honestly."
"But..." Yu swallowed. "I'm supposed to keep it together."
"Come on, buddy, you're not superhuman," Yosuke told him. "You're still just a guy. You're allowed to be weak. That's why we're a team, y'know. We support each other." He winked. "You helped all of us out. Why can't we do the same for you?"
Yu stared at him in surprise. A grin grew on his face.
"So don't feel bad about asking for help, okay?" Yosuke told him. "Like I said, I'm here for you. The rest of the team is, too."
"Thank you," Yu said, softly. "I needed to hear that."
"No worries," Yosuke gave his shoulder another squeeze. He wrapped his arms around himself. "Anyway, it's freezing in here! Come on, turn your new kotatsu on."
Yu crawled over to it, turning the kotatsu on. He slipped his legs under it, and Yosuke joined him.
"Way better, right?" Yosuke grinned.
He felt a jolt of concern when he realised that Yuu had just been sitting there, in the cold, on the floor, hugging himself. He'd never seen Yuu so freaked out, not even when facing shadows. Usually Yuu was extremely calm and level-headed; hell, he'd stayed calm during his uncle's accident, and even during Nanako's death and revival. He'd stopped the team from needlessly killing Namatame. That was what Yosuke admired most about him, and why he was such a great leader.
I'm supposed to hold it together, is what he'd said, through a strained whisper. Yosuke felt his heart breaking, just a little.
"Feeling better, partner?" he asked Yu.
"Yeah," Yu replied.
Yu was slumped over, looking far more relaxed than before. Yosuke let out a breath of relief.
"Great," he made a move to stand up. "I'd, uh, better get on my way, then-"
"Wait-" Yu reached out, grabbing his arm. "Don't go yet. Please."
Yosuke bristled in faint surprise, feeling his heart in his throat. Yu's gaze burned right through him.
"What, can't get enough of me, huh?" Yosuke shot him another wink. "Alright, alright. I'll stay."
Yu breathed out in relief, subtle, but not unnoticed by Yosuke. Yosuke sat opposite, returning his legs underneath the kotatsu.
"It's selfish, I know," Yu got out, "but I really don't want to be alone right now."
"Hey, it's fine," Yosuke leaned on the kotatsu. "You're alone pretty much all the time here, right? Guess you could use a break from that."
He sighed, staring at the ceiling. It was so late, and they had school tomorrow, but he could indulge Yu for a little longer.
"You up for school tomorrow?" he asked his partner.
But Yu was already nodding off, leaning back towards the couch. Yosuke sighed. They weren't supposed to be sleeping underneath the kotatsu, but they could be selfish for one night.
"Yeah, goodnight, partner."
