Chapter Text
From the Gryffindor table, in the Great Hall, James was looking particularly evocatively his boyfriend, 2 tables away, at the Slytherin’s. They have been together for almost two years now, but only few people were aware of that (more for security reasons than by choice). The two of them met thanks to Sirius, but it took a long time before they started to appreciate each others (well, James started to love Regulus almost at first sight but it took more time to Regulus to feel comfortable with James’ presence. Indeed, while James had a sunny personality, and was talking a lot and pretty loudly, his boyfriend was quiet and was stone-faced most of the time.
Regulus responded to James’s looks either with smiles, or with falsely angry glares, depending on his mood. Today, however, his glaze was blank and empty, he didn’t seem to hear his friends’ chatter. He really seemed to be in another universe, and this, since the arrival of the letters by the owls where Regulus discreetly put the letter he received in his pocket. With the harsh writing that was on it, he didn’t have to think long about who might have written it. Now, he just had to wait until he was alone to read it. He already knew it wasn’t gonna be a fun one. It never is.
After breakfast, the Marauders and Regulus had their first lesson of the day, the only one they have together in the week, Potions. It was 6th year course but some students above the level of people their age in this subject were with them. Regulus was one of them (there was also another girl, a Hufflepuff James forgot the name of).
As they were waiting for Slughorn, James sat down next to his boyfriend that was a few meters away from the rest of the group in front of the classroom. Regulus put his head on James’ shoulder and closed his eyes. He was so tired. Waking up was hard today as he didn’t sleep a lot the night before because he was revising for a test, and the letter didn’t improve his mood.
“Is something wrong?” James asked gently.
Regulus had noticed that James only talked like that with two people, him, and Remus, especially around full moons for the latter. With everyone else, and most of the time, he seemed loud, direct or arrogant in the way he was speaking.
“I just didn’t sleep a lot, don’t worry” answered Regulus with a small smile. He was pretty good at hiding his emotions, and he knows that if he sounds convincing enough, James will drop the subject.
James looked at him, a bit worried, before moving to another subject.
“By the way, are you coming to my house for the holidays??
Hearing these words, Regulus froze. He still haven’t read the letter from his parents and he didn’t know what to except. But if they wrote him only a week before the break, it’s probably because they want him to do (or not do) something during it. They never write to him otherwise, except when they’re disappointed or want to know something about Sirius (in this case, Regulus either lies or ask Sirius what he wants him to say)
“Uhm, I don’t know yet”
“It would be so cool! Plus if you're here maybe you could try to talk with Sirius”
“Oh so that's the reason you want me to come? To try to put things back together between us?? Let me remind you James that he left me alone. I was alone in this house because of him. Do you remember that he didn't even tell me he was going to leave?? He never apologized or tried to explain himself” said Regulus, his voice harsh as he removed his head from James’ shoulder.
He did know that James didn't bring up the subject on purpose but he was still angry. What happened during the summer still hurts, even though, deep down, he knows that Sirius made the right choice, he wouldn't have survived another day in this house. Especially after what happened that night. He still has nightmares from seeing his older brother receiving the Cruciatus Curse several times. But obviously it was worse for Sirius, so he understands. He does.
But he could have at least tried to bring Regulus with him, or tell him he was going to leave. They were really close before the summer, he doesn't know what happened to make Sirius act like that.
He didn't even know what happened to him, just woke up the morning after and saw that Sirius wasn't here. A few days later, he received a small note from James telling that Sirius was okay, but that's all.
The worst thing in all of this is that they haven't spoken since. Well, it was mostly Regulus’ fault because every time Sirius tried, Regulus didn't let him. Sirius stopped trying eventually.
“No Reg…it's not-”
“It's Regulus” cut the younger boy, who had the habit of switching to his entire name when his feelings were too complicated to deal with. It was putting another wall between him and the people around him so it make him feel less vulnerable.
“Regulus…i don't want you to come because of that, I want you to come because I want to spend my holidays with you! We don't spend enough time together here, i want to see you more”
“Well that's not possible. My parents want me to spend the holidays with them” answered Regulus, not letting himself be touched by what James said. Well, he still wasn’t sure of that but that was likely.
James didn’t answer after that, he seemed to be lost in his thoughts. The silence fell between them, but it wasn’t like usual. Usually, the silence is comfortable, when they’re sat by the Black Lake, just existing in each other spaces and looking at the horizon. Right now, it’s thick and uncomfortable and Regulus wanted to rip his hair out because he feels like he ruined everything.
Eventually, class started. James sat at his usual spot, the front row next to Regulus. The other marauders sat as far as possible from the teacher, as Potions weren’t the most interesting subject for them. As opposite to Regulus, who loved potions and was really good at it, it was the subject he liked the most, so James was making an exception every week to his hatred for the front row to be with him.
This time however, Regulus didn’t even look at him once and didn’t say a word, at the exception of what was mandatory for the class. His hands were shaking slightly. James wanted to hold them, but he knew that it would put Regulus even more on edge than he was now so he forced himself to focus and think about something else.
When class ended, James tried to talk to Regulus as the were packing their stuff. He didn’t seem upset but Regulus was afraid that he made him angry. He had a hard time figuring out this type of things, so the safest thing was to keep his guard up.
“Reg, I can see that something is wrong, please tell me what I can do…”
“I have to go to Charms, see you later” interrupted Regulus starting to walk away.
“No please wait!” argued James, grabbing his arm
It startled Regulus a little but he pulled away without a word and left the classroom.
Out of sight from everyone, Regulus sat down on the floor and let out his parents’ letter. Even if he didn’t really want to read it, he didn’t have the choice, and the sooner he read it, the better it is. As he guessed already, his parents wanted him to be here during the break, that he was the Black heir, and all the things they’re always repeating. His attention was drawn to a sentence at the bottom of the page. When he rad it, he felt like his blood run cold.
“We know about Potter”
***
Regulus had completely lost his grounding to reality. He didn’t know how much time has passed when a soft voice make its way through his ears. He saw, despite his blurred eyesight, a girl with blonde hair sit next to him. It was Pandora, his best friend. She took one of his hand and put it on her own chest while breathing loudly to encourage his friend to catch his breath. Regulus ended up breathing normally again after a few minutes but he still looked very pale, as if he was going to pass out.
“They know Panda...for James and me...i don’t know how but they know…” he said with a rushed voice
“Oh..” she answered, immediately furrowing her eyebrows and looking more worried.
“I’m so scared…” he talked again, his voice shaking.
There was nothing she could answer to that, she couldn’t say that he didn’t have to worry because that wasn’t true, and she couldn’t say that she was sorry for him because that wouldn’t change anything. She then gently took him into her arms and
Pandora was one of the only people he felt safe enough with to be vulnerable with his emotions like that. Her and Sirius...but it’s probably not the case anymore. He started, slowly to feel safe enough with James to show his true self, but it wasn’t easy. James understood that.
Someone suddenly entered into the room, a parchment into their hands, looking worried. His gaze crossed Pandora’s and nodded with a small smile.
“Reg? What’s going on??”
“I don’t want to see you right now Potter”
“Oh that’s ‘Potter’ now uh?” said James in a small laugh. The situation wasn’t funny obviously but he didn’t really know how to react to that.
Regulus looked down at his feet, he was starting to worry that James would yell at him. He never did before, but there was a first time to everything. Plus he kinda deserved it, with how he has treated James since the morning. That’s what he was used to with his parents anyway, maybe with James it will be different. The Gyffindor, seeing that Regulus was starting to shake like a leaf, sat down gently next to him and talked very calmly.
“I’m not mad at you love, I promise. I just want to understand what is happening, yeah?”
The Slytherin, looked brielfy at Pandora who were silent since James arrived. She smiled at him an kissed his forehead.
“I received a letter from my parents...and they want me to stay at their’s for the holidays...And this time I can’t even negociate to go to the Rosier’s…
“Oh..is that why you were upset?”
Regulus nodded without looking at him. He knows that he if he does, James will see that he didn’t tell him everything. He can feel Pandora’s eyes on his back, pressing him to say more.
“And I’m sorry for earlier, I shouldn’t have been harsh with you...you didn’t deserve that…
“Eh don’t worry about it, I understand” he answered with a smile “we’ll just have to spend a lot of time together before the holidaysthen, to make up with the time we won’t have” he had with a wink.
“You’re such an idiot”, Regulus said, laughing slightly, and switching his head to James’ shoulder.
“Okayy, that’s my cue to go” Pandora said, sticking out her tongue and standing up, “I don’t want to be third wheeling, see you soon Seren, and bye bye James”
The two boys smiled to her as she disappeared through the door.
“Seren?” asked James with a tender smile. It was always sweet to see Pandora and Regulus interact. They made a whole world for themselves and seemed to understand each other perfectly.
“Yeah, it means ‘star’ in Welsh, Regulus answered, much calmer than before
“That’s pretty”
“Right? Atleast she has a great imagination” Regulus teased, but his eyes were full of kindness”
“Heyy, that’s not my fault if your name is Regulus! Plus her mom is Welsh so that’s basically cheating
“I’ll tell her you said that” retorted Regulus, acting as if he was offended
“Noo don’t, I think she starts to like me, don’t do this to meee” pleaded James ironically.
“I love you”, Regulus said suddenly, burying his face into James’ torso. James, not used to hear these words from his boyfriend’s mouth, especially him saying them first, paused a few seconds before responding “I love you too Reg, so much. He then kissed his lips gently, Regulus leant into it happily.