Archive of Our Own ^beta

Ziggy thought little of being touched. The workers of Ziggurat Industries had certainly thought nothing of it. Every cyborg learned to accept being grabbed, led, pushed, examined, or ordered in any number of ways. They were product. Weapons. No different than handling a gun.

Dangerous if mismanaged, but only able to do as they were commanded.

Beyond that, people generally avoided touching him or getting too close.

Children had a habit of staring at his mechanics with awe tamped under a healthy dose of fear. Even they had enough of a sense of the amount of pressure that could move between his joints. The metal could pinch and grind and tear through skin with ease if Ziggy let it.

It was never his preferred method of dealing with a problem, but it had its uses.

Having chaos take hold of his metal hand almost didn't register. People only did that when it was needed, an exam or repair, so something must have been needed. Ziggy turned his head to look down at the small, gloved hands gripping his. Delicate fingertips traced along every ridge and joint of the metal, up and down each of Ziggy's blocky fingers.

Chaos said nothing, leaving them in the soothing hum of the ship around them. They were the last ones left awake. Manning the Elsa's autopilot was more of a formality than anything. Since Ziggy didn't need proper sleep, there was no reason not to leave the job to him when he was around. It would have been fine to leave him to it alone.

Whether chaos needed sleep was a question Ziggy hadn't managed to find an answer to yet, but it never seemed worth asking. In fact, they often said very little to each other, so the grasp on Ziggy's hand was less of a surprise than when chaos did speak.

"Can you feel this?" He turned to look up at Ziggy, blue eyes bright with a childish curiosity.

"In a sense, though not the same as I'd feel something touch my skin. I do still have some receptors in that hand so that I don't grab anything with too much pressure or cause myself damage."

"So, you feel pain?"

"Yes, it's necessary, the same as it is for humans."

Chaos gave a slow nod and released Ziggy's hand only to begin tugging at the glove on his own. "Even if it's all for practicality, I'm glad you can still feel. Even pain is important sometimes. I'd just prefer you didn't have to feel it so often."

"It's fine. I think I'm as used to it as one can be."

A smile tugged at chaos' lips. "I don't think it's possible to get used to pain. It's only possible to learn how to survive with it."

Though Ziggy returned his hand to his side, he found it grasped once again in chaos'. This time, bare skin pressed to metal. Thin fingers entwined with bulky, square joints. Seeing chaos' hands outside of his gloves was an odd rarity. His skin seemed so delicate that a pinch of anxiety caught in Ziggy's chest. Hurting chaos would have been so easy—the slightest misjudged movement, just a moment of distraction.

"You're so warm," chaos said, sharing none of Ziggy's worries. "I couldn't tell through my gloves."

Despite the nerves crawling through him, Ziggy let chaos lead his hand up to rest against the boy's cheek. Chaos leaned into the metal palm like it could have felt nice, his eyes drifting shut.

Ziggy felt certain that it did not. All sharp edges with no give.

His receptors allowed him an understanding of the softness against him, the gentle pressure of chaos' skin against him. But there was no sense of texture, no warmth. It was like he felt everything through a glove the same as chaos, but there was no taking this one off.

That was fine. He was not designed to touch others. No one should have wanted to touch him. This was bound to be a moment's curiosity for chaos. The boy was odd enough for that to make some sense. Few things about him made much sense.

"I'm only warm because I store heat to use during a fight," Ziggy said. "Even idle, my temperature is quite high. It was considered a design flaw to be fixed in later models-"

"It feels nice," chaos cut in, his hand pressed to the back of Ziggy's and his face nuzzling into the metal palm. "Feels like a sunbeam, just a little patch of warmth."

"Be careful." Ziggy's throat was dry, his words thin and brittle. Skin was far too easy to damage in his grasp, especially pressed so close. "

"You don't have to worry," chaos said without a moment's wondering what he needed to be careful for. "Especially not about me."

If only it were that simple. Chaos just didn't understand how quickly and easily Ziggy could cause him harm, the same as anyone else. "I always try to be careful, but you're-"

"Fragile?" Chaos' smile widened, but the eyes that turned up toward Ziggy were heavy with sorrow. "Like holding a small bird in your hand and knowing you could crush it so easily. You'd never wish to, but it's frightening, isn't it? I know that feeling well."

Silence held them for a few breaths as Ziggy looked to the small hand holding his. They were so rarely out of those dark gloves, dark enough not to show when they were soaked in blood.

"You do," Ziggy said. Not a question. An understanding.

He let the metal thumb brush along chaos' cheekbone, slow and careful. With a contented hum, chaos laced their fingers together.

Though Ziggy worried about the skin between chaos' fingers in that position, there was some comfort in knowing he was not the only one who was afraid.