Chapter Text
〈Prologue〉
“I have to tell you something.”
When Sunny entered the hospital room, those were the first words he said.
“Sunny, you shouldn’t be out of—”
“Sunny, you’re awake!!!”
Hero’s words were cut off by an excited Kel.
“Yeah, you idiot, why are you out of bed!” Aubrey sounded super annoyed. After speaking, she even clicked her tongue.
“Alright everyone, Sunny looks scared…” Basil tried to calm everyone down, but his voice grew smaller and smaller…
At this time everyone finally noticed that Sunny really did look nervous.
Sunny took a few deep breaths, and then prepared to speak…
Hero looked like he wanted to say something but held back.
Actually, Aubrey glared at him, trying to stop him, but Hero didn’t even notice.
Kel… he went forward and grabbed Sunny’s hand, leading him further into the room.
“Sometimes it’s easier to talk when you sit down, no need to be nervous! We’re all here!” He pulled out a chair for Sunny to sit on.
Sunny looked awkward.
“Um… Kel… Sunny doesn’t really look like he wants to sit…” Basil couldn’t help but speak.
Then Kel scratched his cheek and said awkwardly, “Sorry Sunny! Did I just force you? But you really shouldn’t be out of bed!”
Aubrey covered her whole face with both hands and muttered with a muffled voice, “Why am I even friends with this idiot.”
Hero sighed, then frowned and said, “Kel, Sunny shouldn’t even be sitting here, he should be back in bed…”
“But he has something to say! Right, Sunny?” Kel shouted back loudly.
Sunny flinched a little, then seriously, earnestly, nodded.
Kel widened his eyes.
Hero’s expression changed, became serious:
“I see… this is important, isn’t it?”
Aubrey’s expression became… calmer, different from her usual angry look…
“Okay, go ahead, Sunny,”
she said, her voice calm as well.
Basil’s expression… changed too. He had just been smiling helplessly at everyone, but now he looked like he was about to cry, yet with a trace of expectation. His voice trembled as he said:
“You’re going to tell them, Sunny?”
Hearing that, Kel’s expression became… very un-Kel-like.
Very serious, silent, he just glanced at Basil, then looked straight at Sunny.
〈Sunny’s POV〉
Where should I start?
Sunny then realized that the draft he made in his head while walking over was far from enough.
This was too real.
Sitting on the chair, everyone standing, looking at me…
It felt like being judged.
I can’t directly tell the truth, they won’t believe me. I can’t directly say Headspace, they’ll think I’m crazy, and then they won’t believe the rest.
But I can start with how it began.
“Actually, I don’t like the violin.”
Sunny looked up, glancing around the room.
Hero looked purely surprised.
Kel looked hurt.
Aubrey’s expression couldn’t be read.
Basil looked sad.
They must be disappointed…
“Sunny… sorry we didn’t notice.” Hero was the first to speak.
What?
“Oh, I already guessed, not surprised, sorry.” Aubrey frowned and apologized.
What!
“What do you mean you don’t like the violin!” Kel screamed.
Oh, that’s normal.
“Sunny… is that why you… did that?” Basil trailed off.
He’s asking me why I threw away the violin.
I nodded.
“My fingers were broken, it hurt, I didn’t dare tell Mari, she… she yelled at me, again and again, she just wanted perfection, but I wasn’t perfect, I was a failure, she kept… she wasn’t like herself, I was scared, always scared.”
No, stop, you’re not the victim, don’t act pitiful.
You’re trying to get sympathy, disgusting.
I glanced at Hero… his face was full of disbelief. Of course he wouldn’t believe me. How could he?
That’s his sister, flawless, my sister.
The one who loved me the most, the one I killed.
I swallowed the sour saliva, trying to make my dry throat keep working.
I had some tinnitus, but that wasn’t important now.
They seemed to have said something, but I accidentally didn’t catch it…
Sorry.
It seemed they thought I was done talking.
“Everyone, wait! Sunny’s not finished yet!”
I heard Basil loudly explaining for me.
Thank you, you’ve been waiting for me to talk for so long, right?
Even though at first it was your fault, the one who never allowed you to tell the truth was me, who ran away for four years, made you get bul—
Ah, the photo album.
“The album wasn’t blacked out by Basil, it was me. After Mari died, I couldn’t look at them anymore… I’m sorry, I’m sorry… sorry Basil, sorry Aubrey, sorry everyone, sorry, it was me who ruined your relationships, sorry…”
My eyes sting, no, hold it back, don’t let the tears fall.
A sinner has no right to cry.
He didn’t dare look at anyone’s expressions anymore.
“You WHAT?”
Aubrey’s shout broke the air.
I instinctively looked at her, that expression was pure heartbreak.
And disgust.
And anger.
“Aubrey, calm down!” Hero stopped her, of course Hero would stop her.
I’m not worth it.
“Sunny… why?”
I didn’t expect that—Kel’s voice was utterly broken…
And disappointed.
I didn’t dare look at his face.
“It’s okay, Sunny, you didn’t mean to, I’m fine.” Basil’s voice was gentle.
Basil… no, I don’t deserve it… and you don’t deserve being treated like this either…
Aubrey seemed to yell something at Basil, but my tinnitus grew louder, I couldn’t hear clearly.
If this goes on, I won’t be able to finish… what should I do…
Kel’s holding my hand, Hero’s coming closer, what should I do?
What should I do what should I do what should I do
Ah
“I pushed Mari down the stairs during our argument! She died! She didn’t kill herself!”
I shouted.
That’s it, that’s enough.
Kel let go of my hand.
Hero grabbed my shoulders, he was trembling, said something but I couldn’t hear it, maybe questioning me.
I don’t know where Aubrey was.
Basil was lying on the bed, I wasn’t sure what he was doing either.
I couldn’t hear clearly, couldn’t tell who it was, but it seemed someone said I was imagining things?
I have to prove it…
Ah
“Basil saw it happen! He was with me when we hung Mari on the tree, that was… that wasn’t my idea, sorry Basil!”
Sorry, I threw the blame on you again.
Before fainting, that was my last thought.
〈Basil’s POV〉
When Sunny finished shouting that sentence, I thought everyone’s eyes would turn to me.
But they didn’t, even Aubrey, who had been standing next to me, wanting to say something but holding back, ran to Sunny.
Because after Sunny shouted, he fainted.
But my body was injured, I couldn’t move.
I’m really useless.
Kel kept trying to wake him up, patting his shoulder lightly.
At first, he wanted to shake Sunny, but Hero shouted loudly in a panicked voice, “Don’t shake the patient!”
Honestly, I was startled.
It was the first time I saw Hero yell.
No wonder Kel froze, I couldn’t see clearly from my angle, but it seemed he was crying.
Then Hero apologized very nervously, saying, “I—I’m sorry! Our juniors do that to patients too often! I’ll press the button!”
Then he hurried off, almost running, toward the button beside me, probably to press it.
He didn’t look at me.
Understandable, I was also an accomplice in Mari’s death.
But when he got close, I grabbed his hand.
Actually, I had already pressed it, so I said:
“I already pressed it… after Sunny’s settled, I’ll tell the truth next.”
I looked into his eyes.
I thought he was glaring at me…
I wanted to think so, but he just looked scared.
Not only that, I’d seen that expression before.
From the reflection in the backyard door when we carried Mari’s body.
Despair.
I could feel Hero freeze, he shook off my hand, stepped back a few steps, then quickly left the hospital room.
And Kel kept focusing on Sunny and Aubrey’s condition.
She was just crying nonstop.
No one cared about me.
No one.
〈Hero’s POV〉
I was originally very angry.
Or rather, I thought I would be very angry.
But I was just scared.
And
Relieved.
I felt disgusted by it.
Because… “So it wasn’t my fault after all.”
So what? How could I feel relieved just because Mari died in a different way?
She was still dead.
And it was because of Sunny…
That was the brother she loved the most…
My god…
Everything’s ruined, I actually yelled at Kel just now!
I swore I wouldn’t yell at him again!
I just promised them yesterday that I wouldn’t leave them again!
And what am I doing now!
Leaving!
No, I’ll explain the situation to the doctor later.
I’m not actually leaving, I just need some air.
Air…
Suffocating.
Ah.
Why did Basil tie a noose? Wasn’t he only twelve then?
“Because you didn’t take care of him.”
Hallucinations, again, after a long time.
Where’s water?
Wait, no, I still have responsibilities… ah! The doctor’s here.
“What happened here?”
“Our friend is the patient in the next room, he got out of bed on his own to come here and talk with us, seemed to get mentally triggered and fainted, sorry I was too confused, didn’t check for pupil dilation or anything, but he’s breathing and has a pulse. He’s sitting in a chair, someone’s holding him up.”
I said nonsense while talking, re-entering the room with the doctor.
I didn’t dare look at their faces.
〈Aubrey’s POV〉
In the middle of the chaos, I remember I was just crying.
I should have yelled, should have screamed, should have broken something.
That would’ve been more like Aubrey.
But I couldn’t.
I was scared.
Sunny fainted right in front of me.
The image of him covered in blood yesterday is still vivid.
What if he dies?
I know I’m overthinking.
But god!
I still can’t believe he said he pushed Mari.
But I know he’s telling the truth.
I can read him.
I’m angry.
I was originally angry at Mari, because she pressured Sunny like that.
I always thought it was Sunny’s parents.
But no.
It was Mari.
What’s wrong with her?
Why was it her?
Why!
I couldn’t move.
I was frozen.
My head’s so messed up right now.
I was just crying.
I could even feel Kel trying to comfort me.
Even Kel was comforting me!
Sunny definitely didn’t mean to, I know that.
He didn’t.
But why did he hide it from us for so long?
Why?
It was just an accident…
God! Just like what happened to me a few days ago! I was just about to apologize to Basil for that?
Would I have ended up like that too?
Accidentally killing someone I care about?
So scary, why is it us?
Why?
When I came back to my senses,
there was a blanket over me, and I was sitting on some chair.
Eh? What was I just doing?
I can’t remember.
So scary.
〈Kel’s POV〉
Honestly, I didn’t know how I was supposed to react.
So I just kept being the same old Kel.
Comforting everyone’s emotions.
Who else but me, right?
Always cleaning up these messes, and no one even notices I’m cleaning them up.
Because I’m Kel.
I can’t cry, can’t get angry,
can’t go numb, I can only smile.
If I smile at the wrong time, I’ll get scolded.
Because I’m Kel.
Okay, what am I even thinking, the point right now isn’t that Sunny screamed something I couldn’t understand and then fainted, right?
Honestly, I can’t even remember what everyone said just now.
I was just scared.
Because Sunny fainted, Aubrey looked like she was about to cry herself unconscious, Hero was gone.
And I didn’t know what was going on.
After who knows how long, Hero came back with a doctor, and then, except for Basil, everyone followed the doctor out.
Oh… Basil, I’ll come back to see you later.
I hope I won’t forget even that.