Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was the average evening at Planet Express. A reality-warping, life-changing adventure, but at the end of the day, Leela still had to do stuff at her locker before she could head home. And as she got out her bag out, she turned around to find someone lurking in the corner. This was not that unusual, but normally it was Bender with some kind of poorly-thought out blackmail scheme, but today…it was Amy.

“Umm…hi Leela!” She said, fumbling uncharacteristically.

Leela sighed. “Hi Amy, what are you doing here so late, don’t you have a party to attend or something?”

Amy looked surprised. “Aren’t we gonna talk about what happened in the fantasy world?”

Leela rolled her eye. “Yes, pooping as a horse was annoying, Fry and Zoidberg keep asking me…”

Amy interrupted. “Not that!”

She left a pause in the air.

Leela looked around the room, not keeping eye contact with Amy. “Then what?”

“You know…” Amy awkwardly played with her hands. “We kinda made out?”

Leela looked disheartened…
“Ohhhh…right. That. I mean…did we? That wasn’t really us, was it?”

Amy looked genuinely a little hurt. “It sure felt like us. With our tongues in each other’s mouths.”

Leela seemed a little grossed out. “Yeah, well. That wasn’t…that was Bender’s sick perverted imagination. Might as well have been one of Zapp’s gross holoshed simulations.”

Amy’s eyes flared up. “Oh really, because you seemed into it at the time!”

Leela didn’t know what to say that, she was now pretty uncomfortable and was kinda considering just knocking Amy out and pretending that this whole conversation didn’t happen when she came to.

“Yeah well. It wasn’t. It wasn’t real. Besides. Neither of us is gay!”

Another pause.

“What…I…you?” Leela was flustered.

Amy was happy to finally be winning the conversation if not the argument. “I’m bisexual, spluh!”

Leela was taken aback “Huh…I hadn’t…you never talk about that?”

Amy relaxed a little “Yeah I mostly go for guys since girls are intimated by how cute I am.”

That did admittedly track, at least for Amy.

“Well I’m straight.” Leela, said with a little stamp of her boot. “Straighter than a ruler in a nun’s whacking hand.”

“You sure about that?” said Amy, hand on hips. “Like…you seemed to really enjoy kissing me!”

“Again, not me, that was a centaur that just happened to have my mind and look like me.”
Leela paused again to collect her thoughts.
“I mean. You’re very pretty!” she said, a little embarrassed to have to admit that.

“Well, yeah!” said Amy, as if Leela had just said the sky is blue.

“Even someone as straight as I am can admit that objectively you are a total ten, with a perfect bod, and a gorgeous smile.” Leela begrudgingly admitted, slightly losing focus.

“You’re bluuuuushing” Amy interrupted, as annoyingly as possible.

“SHUT UP! DON’T YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?!” Leela yelled, red in the face.

That instantly popped Amy’s balloon. An awkward pause hung in the hair.

“Me and Kif…we’re.” she struggled to let the words out. “We’ve been on the outs ever since I slept with Zapp when Kif was yknow…dead…”

Leela finally felt a little bad for Amy and let her in for a hug.

“Trust me, I know what a tool Zapp is and how much of a relationship Hindenburg he can be…but it’s not fair on me to be the rebound! Even if I was interested! Which I’m not!”

Amy backed off from the hug. “Well if there’s really nothing, kiss me again right now, and tell me there’s nothing.”

Leela sighed “Fine. If it’ll end it.”
The two kissed.

Leela backed off. “Okay that was…fine. But I still don’t want to date you.”

Amy through her hands in the air “WHAT?!?”

Leela laughed “Look, I’ve also struggled a lot with love lately. I don’t have it in me to date another co-worker. And sure, dating you would probably fun, you’re a very fun person who loves both raucous parties and turning fancy events into raucous parties.”

Amy nodded “Go on, keep flattering me.”

Leela ignored that, “But I can’t afford to fall in love again right now. I just need some time for myself.”

Amy nodded. “Okay…I can live with that.”

Leela chimed in with “And also I’m still straight.”

Amy snorted “Okay, sure.”

There was another pause.

Amy perked up. “Wanna go get drunk? Platonically?”

Leela smiled “Oh God, yes.”