Chapter Text
I’ve noticed Schpood sending out letters more. It’s like he can’t go a DAY without having to send them. Each time I’ve tried to peek at what he’s writing, he always just covers the paper and claims it’s “nothing.”
It’s confusing me a whole lot. Who are these letters for?
Why won’t he let me see them?
Is it for some kind of trade?
What is he hiding?
“Schpood. What letters do you keep sending out that are so important you can miss a singular day without sending them? Also, the fact that you freak out the second a letter gets sent to you.”
He just stared at me. Stared at me as if I had asked an extremely offensive question. He just stared at me, his expression unreadable.
”You don’t need to worry about it, 5pyder, it’s nothing that concerns you.”
I just looked at him and nodded. I really didn’t want to push further. He’s a man who can get aggravated easily.
“Okay, if you say so, Schpood.”
I went outside, my armor clanking with each step I took. The sand under my iron boots shifted with each step I took. As I entered the same route I usually took for patrols around the border of Westhelm. I was alone. Alone with my thoughts. My thoughts went wild. As wild as a sandstorm. Who was involved? Schpood. I couldn’t take my mind off him. It’s making my head throb with pain. This warm feeling in my stomach grows whenever he’s around. I’m sure it’s just admiration. I absolutely admire his leadership qualities. It’s so weird thinking I would have those kinds of feelings for a guy. Let alone my emperor. As I kept walking and doing patrols, I couldn’t stop thinking about those stupid letters. The letters he signed with red ink. The ones he made sure to stamp carefully.
Why?
Who could be this important to him? I really shouldn’t care that much about it. But this nagging gut feeling won’t leave me alone. The sun began to set, leaving me with a whirlwind of thoughts. I took off my iron helmet, holding it in my hands. I saw my reflection in the material, my blonde locks all messed up. The bright green eyes that I had. I began to depart back to the palace, where I resided along with Schpood and some other guards. As I kept walking, I couldn’t stop thinking about the entire interaction I had with him. It felt so unreal.
As I stepped foot into the palace, I saw Schpood. What was he doing? Writing another letter, of course. I just sighed and walked to my quarters, where my room was. My legs were spent, shaking with each step I took.
As I took off the dense iron armor. I still had my uniform apparel on. I looked at the material, my red cape that was slightly torn. My weariful expression lingered on my hands. They were soft, free of scars. Then my mind wandered to his hands. How rough and calloused they are. They belonged to him. I yearn to feel them someday, feel them against my own. It feels so.. So wrong. I hate how I feel this way. It’s forbidden. Would he feel the same? As I left my thoughts alone, not wanting to push further into my desires for the other man, I took off my uniform and changed into my plaid pajama pants. The cool night breeze hit my bare chest, sending shivers down my spine. As I reached out and grabbed my silky smooth blanket. I began to think even more about the letters, my thoughts went wild with confusion and… anger? I don’t understand why I got so mad over some pieces of paper. It was making my head spin with agonizing pain. As the night continued, so did my mind. My mind was more awake than I was. The alarm clock that sat on my night stand had struck to 2:30 AM. It’s been a few hours since I’ve laid down on my bed. I decided to head outside and get some fresh air.
I gently walked to the door, my footsteps quietly echoing through the deepslate tiles of the castle. I then exited out, seeing the night sky filled with beautiful stars. I leaned against the castle’s walls. The cool breeze started to get warmer out. Uncomfortably warm, like how I do whenever he’s around. Of course it had to get warm outside, this is Island 1. I hated this island so much. I’ve thought of running away the second the borders went down. But I didn’t want to leave him. I wanted to stay loyal to him and Westhelm. The conditions here are harsh. Harsh and unforgiving. Just like him. He was harsh when he needed to be. He was so kind and affectionate rarely. I remember seeing him sigh a letter with a heart next to his name and writing the words, “Your one and only.”
Does he seriously not trust me knowing he has a partner?
No, no that’s such an odd conclusion to ever think of. There can be no possible way that he has a partner and is this defensive about it. It’s so unusual. I should just stay shut about it. It’s not like he would care about how I feel about it. I know he doesn’t have anything harsh against me.. I think so at least. I felt my eyelids get heavy by the second. I decided that maybe now is the time to rest for tomorrow. As I started walking inside the castle, my footsteps tapping against the tiles. As I reached the long staircase that lead up to the higher ranks resting quarters and whatever else they needed up there, I groaned quietly. This felt like fucking torture, going up a who knows how long staircase whilst being half asleep. I began to climb up, each step I take shaky and deliberate. After what has felt like years of walking, I finally reached the top of the staircase. I entered the quarters and went to my room that was in the middle, next to Schpood’s room. I laid down on the mattress of the twin bed, the material faltering with my weight. As I dragged the covers on top of my frame, I looked at the clock, 4:29. I was actually done for, I stayed outside for too long. The worries had quickly vanished, my mind entering a deep slumber.