Chapter Text
"Oi, fucker."
"Ow-" Robert groaned when Chase bonked him upside the head with a pen as soon as he sat down. Another day at SDN, a new fire to put out (mostly metaphorically, but with Flambae it was literal.), and getting bothered by the various people there, which sometimes included the 39, going on 80, former superhero. "What'd I do now..? Steal your favorite nutrient bar?"
"Prick. You missed the bar meetup. Blazer was wondering where your scrawny ass was." He chuckled, slouching against the partition, watching as Robert booted up his PC, ever used to the role of coporate drone.
"I didn't realize there was a bar meetup." He yawned, smirking as Chase knowingly placed a cup of coffee on his desk, already prepared. "Thanks grandpa."
"Wait, you mean those fuckers didn't drag your ass into their own online hell yet?" Chase chuckled, finally snapping Robert awake as he chugged his coffee.
"Online what?" He deadpanned, watching as Chase grabbed his phone, typing in the ID for one of the SDN Messager's private channels.
"The group chat, dumbass." The older man remarked, tossing the cellphone back to the former-superhero, the group chat name clear as day at the top: "Be Gay, Do Crime".
"... Lovely." Robert grumbled.
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SDN_MESSAGER >> PHOENIX_PROGRAM >> PRIVATE_GROUP
"BE GAY, DO CRIME"
MEMBERS: NarcoticsSonarymous (ID: Sonar), TheFireAndTheFlames (ID: Flambae), Invisibitch (ID: Invisigal), Silent_But_Deadly (ID: Coupé), potatowhiskey (ID: Punch Up), SATAN (ID: Malevola), Dirt (ID: Golem), nikki_mirage (ID: Prism)
MODERATORS: The_Blonde_Blazer_:3 (ID: Blonde Blazer), toooldforthis (ID: Chase █████████)
TIME: 08:32 AM
====================================================================================
NOTICE: User (Robert Robertson) was added to "Be Gay, Do Crime"
TheFireAndTheFlames: NOOOOOOO
nikki_mirage: GASP
nikki_mirage: WHO BREACHED THE SANCTUARY
NarcoticsSonarymous: Bobert!!!!
Invisibitch: Oh shit, was he not in here already?
TheFireAndTheFlames: KICK HIM OUT
The_Blonde_Blazer_:3: Oh! That's why you didn't show up to the team bonding session last night!
Robert Robertson: I was told it was a bar hangout...
toooldforthis: Tomato, potato.
toooldforthis: Most of the time it's these fucks discussing whoever they pissed off or who's on their shit list.
toooldforthis: Me and Blazer here are just to make sure they don't violate HR.
SATAN: ???
SATAN: That's bullshit, honestly.
potatowhiskey: Hows it bullshite? Theyre just bein creepy pricks?
SATAN: No, I mean that 90% of the convos here 100% violate HR
Robert Robertson: Like what...?
TheFireAndTheFlames: You are not privy to that, Bob, because you are not supposed to be in here.
toooldforthis: Listen here porkchops, quit making a hostile workplace and suck it up.
Invisibitch: Pft
Invisibitch: Thats a new one
TheFireAndTheFlames: I hate all of you.
Dirt: oh wow
Dirt: im so shocked
Dirt: you can tell from my face i never would have guessed
Silent_But_Deadly: This is going to be weird.
toooldforthis: Robert's here just so he can have access to any further group hangouts or bonding sessions or orgies or whatever the fuck you wanna plan.
The_Blonde_Blazer_:3: Chase, no-!
toooldforthis: Whatever you plan, point stands.
toooldforthis: Robert's a part of this team, he's in the group chat. Deal with it.
nikki_mirage: If he's staying I'm fixing his fuckass nickname
nikki_mirage: Give me a minute
potatowhiskey: Aren't ye on call right now?
nikki_mirage: Maybe
Invisibitch: Well then, welcome to the club, Lieutenant Dan!
Invisibitch: What dirty, perverted secrets of ours do you wish to find out~???
TheFireAndTheFlames: NONE.
Invisibitch: Aw, thanks for volunteering Flambae!
Robert Robertson: I'd rather not
nikki_mirage: I GOT IT
nikki_mirage: THANK YOU VISI
Invisibitch: For what?
NOTICE: User (Robert Robertson)'s nickname was changed to "BestBuyFightClub"
BestBuyFightClub: Are you serious
Invisibitch: LMAOOOO
Invisibitch: I forgot about that
Dirt: i dont see it
NarcoticsSonarymous: You've never seen a Best Buy???
Silent_But_Deadly: I am curious for the context behind that.
nikki_mirage: Perfection!!
TheFireAndTheFlames: As always
potatowhiskey: Is now a bad time to mention that the speedy fuck from Helen's team is stealing Fireboy's noodles again?
TheFireAndTheFlames: MY NOODLES
BestBuyFightClub: What
NarcoticsSonarymous: Lesson 12 from the Z-Team: Don't eat Flambae's food.
Silent_But_Deadly: Long story
nikki_mirage: Fuckin selfish assholes
Invisibitch: Rest in peace to Flambae's noodles I guess.
TheFireAndTheFlames: I hate all of you
NOTICE: SDN Day Shift is now active. All requested heroes please standby for Dispatch assignments.
Invisibitch: Aw man
Invisibitch: I wanted to show Robby here our secret stash >:<
Silent_But_Deadly: I will cut you if you threaten my secrets.
nikki_mirage: Fucking bullshit YOURE the only one we can't make fun of
nikki_mirage: You gotta have some secret shit you've hidden
Invisibitch: Well
NarcoticsSonarymous: Plead the fifth before they indict you.
SATAN: Y'all are idiots.
Dirt: lol