Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She usually didn't think too much of it. Sometimes her version of a planet name and his didn't quite match up. No big deal. She was probably the one in the wrong. Sylvia found that she never really much cared.

But today had been something else altogether.

Sure she was used to Wander pointing out planets and giving them some strange name. Something entirely different than the name she had grown up with as a young Zbornak. Wander – somehow – always seemed to know the names of all planets they had ever visited or thought of visiting. He loved talking about them. About the people on them. About the cities and towns and forests and lakes on them. His supply of stories seemed endless.

But Sylvia was far less used to finding out she had been calling an entire system of planets and stars – one right next door to her own native corner of the galaxy – the wrong names.

She couldn't believe it.

In fact, she didn't believe it. That's why here and now, in the middle of the night, she had dug out her old Galax-V5 Navigator. Sure it was a few years out of date, but it would do.

She powered the old thing on. It hummed softly before issuing a series of loud beeps. She cringed and tried to muffle the sound under her hands. Obviously the navigator was unhappy at being ignored these past few years. Planet names or not, Wander sure knew his way around the galaxy.

She chanced a glance at off to where Wander was resting. He had shifted slightly in the hat, but was settling back down, still asleep. Sylvia let out a soft sigh. The navigator finished its powering on sequence. It sat silently in her hands, waiting to be used.

Sylvia didn't want to question Wander about the planets. One, because he had a heart of glass and would likely tell her whatever she wanted to hear as long as she was happy. And two, on the off chance that she was actually right, Sylvia found herself uncomfortable with the idea of telling her buddy that his planetary geography was a few degrees south of okay. It was one of his favourites things to talk about (aside from Lord Hater), and – while occasionally exhausting – his ongoing admiration of the galaxy and everything in it was one of the many things Sylvia loved about her friend. She would hate to put any kind of damper on it.

Looking down at the navigator, she typed out the name to one of the planets Wander had been gushing about today. A place she had always known as Tlurin but that he called Klavost. Like she had been low-key expecting, his version pinged with a result.

Grumbling, she selected the option, just to see how wrong she was.

She read the snippet, then read it again. Her brow furrowed. Curiosity spiked, she tried another one of Wander's planet names.

Yvowry. Search. Ping, result.

Sylvia's brow furrowed. She only remember one other name Wander had used today. She had to try it.

Ohergo.

Did you mean Ohuergho?

Sure, Sylvia thought, rolling her eyes. Ping, result. She selected it.

Sylvia dismissed the result.

How strange. She was... she was right. Her planet names were right. And Wander's were... well, not wrong, just obsolete? That was... odd. Sylvia frowned. It was a peculiar mistake, because it was almost as if her buddy had learned the names from some... older source.

She brought the first one back up again. Klavost. Expanding the article even further, she scrolled until she found something that looked like the planet's history.

There, right there, at the end of the archived article.

Sylvia blinked, then reread the last two sentences.

"17884?" she mumbled to herself. "Well no wonder I've never heard of Klavost. That's nearly, what? Two thousands years ago?" She frowned. "So then why..." She hummed, glancing over to Wander. "Weird."

Thoughts straying towards far fetched ideas, she dismissed the article and powered down the navigator. So Wander seemed to be using old planet names. No big deal. He probably... read them somewhere. Because the alternative was a little bit impossible and Sylvia found herself not really wanting to deal with that tonight.

Shrugging off the thoughts took more work than she thought it would, but she managed it, and eventually she curled up next to her friend in hopes of some shut-eye.

Tomorrow they were going to visit a few of those planets and knowing Wander, she would have to be awake and alert to stop him from getting into trouble.

Chapter Text

He couldn't believe he had been called over for this.

Peepers stared at his boss' computer. The one Hater claimed to be broken. The one Hater was currently yelling at him to fix. The computer that was entirely not broken but that simply displayed the following message.

Peepers slowly looked over to Hater.

"Um, sir. Might I ask what you're trying to do here?"

Hater rolled his eyes. "Uh, what does it LOOK like I'm doing?"

Peepers looked slowly back at the search term. "You wouldn't happen to be trying to find out Wander's species, would you?"

Hater sighed dramatically. "Sometimes I don't even know why I hired you— YES of COURSE I am. Weaknesses, Peepers!" he yelled suddenly. "I'm going to find out Wander's weakness! And then we'll see who's laughing!" His fist smashed down next to his laptop. "And guess what, it won't be him!"

Peepers looked at Hater, then back to the screen.

"Sir do you know how to use a search engine?"

Hater glared. "Of COURSE I know HOW— what kind of question is that!?" He gestured violently to his computer. "You put the thing you're looking for IN the stupid searching rectangle and it searches for your stupid thing! BUT IT'S NOT WORKING!"

Peepers took a cautionary step back. "Well sir," he started. "You're not wrong, exactly. But uh..."

"OF COURSE I'M NOT WRONG! IF THIS COMPUTER WASN'T BROKEN THEN THERE WOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM. GAHHHH."

A few bolts of static discharge zipped through the air. Peepers looked worriedly to the computer.

"Sir please. Your laptop—"

"MY LAPTOP IS STUPID AND YOU NEED TO FIX IT."

Peepers rubbed his eye. "Sir, your search isn't—" He paused, and reevaluated his sentence. "Can I try using it then, please?"

Hater sat down hard on his bed and rolled over, back now facing Peepers. His shoulders hunched inwards. "URGH! Fine. That's what I called you here for anyway," he said, words fading to a grumble.

Peepers hesitated for only a fraction of a second before hopping on the bed next to Hater. He pulled the large laptop over to him. Shaking his head, he highlighted 'wander' and started typing over it. 'Small', 'Short Fur', and 'Orange' all took its place before he paused.

Not that he cared in the slightest, but he wondered if all of Wander's species were orange. He realized that it was probably unlikely, but given that he was drawing a blank on any further descriptors, Peepers gave a small shrug and pressed search.

The results were quick. Two-hundred and seventeen indirect matches and four direct matches.

His brief elation quickly deflated as he started scanning the results.

"Sir, we have some matches on Wander's description, but—"

Hater immediately perked up. "Oooh, ooooh! What are his weaknesses! Tell me!" He nearly pushed Peepers aside, and the two ended up squished together in front of Hater's laptop. "Wait, none of these look like him."

"Sir that's what I was trying to tell—"

"Peepers this is USELESS. Orange picayu puffs? Sunshine Monkeytons?" Hater's fists clenched, and Peepers quickly skirted back a couple feet to avoid any damage. "Where is Waaaannnderrrr?"

"I don't know sir. We may just need to refine our search."

"UGH this is so STUPID."

Peepers hesitated. "It's... not entirely stupid." Peepers scratched at the underside of his eye, cautiously inching back up to the laptop. "This is actually — all things considered — not a bad plan. Learning more about the enemy is a valid strategy. You just need to, uh, persevere."

Hater sighed. "But that's so much work."

Peepers tried not to roll his eye. He moved back to the keyboard, and Hater slumped next to his side. "Just try your best to push through, sir."

Hater lasted five minutes before literally rolling right off the bed. Peepers stared at the vacated spot in mild concern until the sound of the gaming console pinged into existence. Of course. The remainder of the time was spent listening to mediocre blaster effects and Hater's consistent complaining.

"I've got nothing sir." Peepers finally admitted, an hour gone by. He pushed the laptop away, laying back on the bed. "Either he looks drastically different than the rest of his species, or he's one-of-a-kind."

Some pew pew's and muffled curses answered his admission.

"Sir..."

He heard a grunt. And then, "Er... yeah. Hold that thought C-Peeps... Stupid level. Stupid enemies..."

Peepers sighed and sat back up. The laptop met his gaze.

Peepers hated losing, even to electronic devices.

"What am I missing here?" he mumbled, hunching back over the large screen. His search terms now read 'Small', 'Furry', 'Energetic', 'Nomad', 'Friendly', and 'Orange'.

There was still one more thing he could try... but it would probably lead to countless results to sift through and really, he couldn't imagine it being the answer.

By default the results were filtered by species in known-existence. Clearly there was no way to look up species that hasn't been discovered or categorized yet, but there was an option for extinct and/or ancestral species. Peepers stared at it, and then, with a healthy dose of skepticism and a small inkling of discomfort, checked that option.

He pressed Search.

The laptop made short work of the request, and Peepers was right. There were thousands of results. The scope was just far too wide.

He skimmed the first page, fairly convinced that it was a dead end. But just as he was about to close the application altogether an entry caught his attention.

Peepers blinked. "What's this?" he muttered to himself. It sounded... almost appropriate, if a little vague. The year threw him off because... well. "That's over twenty thousand years ago." Peepers hesitated momentarily before selecting the result, bringing up the full entry. It was surprisingly short. There were no images.

He scanned down the article.

Peepers closed the article.

"Nope." He closed the laptop. "Definitely not."

"What was that C-Peeps?" Hater looked at him from his spot on the floor. A big 'You Lose' slowly spun on the TV screen behind him. He seemed annoyed.

Peepers through about the contents of that article. An ancient species, presumed extinct. "Nothing sir."

Hater frowned. "But you found those weaknesses, right?"

An ancient species, no known information, let alone weaknesses. Preposterous, really. "Ah, no sir."

"Peepers..." That tone didn't bode well.

Peepers thought about the wandering weirdo. Ancient species, no known information, presumed extinct. It was impossible. "You saw that we weren't getting any matches, sir. There's nothing in here about him."

Hater stood up to his full height. "That's why you were supposed to fix it!"

Peepers couldn't believe this. "Sir it wasn't broken in the first place." He stood up as well, not that it did him much good. "There was nothing to fix. Wander isn't in here."

"It so totally WAS and YOU are INCOMPETENT!"

Peepers threw his hands into the air, sliding off the bed. "Sir, I don't even know why I try anymore." He gestured blindly towards one of the external walls to the ship. "Wander is a small furry creature that wouldn't stand a chance against your powers if you would only just try. Weaknesses or not." He marched right up to Hater. "No one would stand a chance against you, sir, if you only just focus on doing evil."

Hater folded his arms. "Excuse you, I am focused on doing evil like, 100 percent of the time."

Peepers wished that were so. "Sir," he started. "Before all this... this, I was working on a plan."

"Are you trying to change the subject?"

"There's a planet ripe for your conquering. Maybe we could try focusing on that? You know, be evil?"

"But what about Wander?"

Peepers sighed. This was going to be the rest of life, he just knew it. "And," Peepers stressed. "Wander may very well be there. So... you could try... exploiting the fact that he's weak to flashy green lightning powers?"

"He is?"

"Er, yeah. Definitely."

"Well why didn't you say so sooner, Peepers!" Hater turned to the door, striding with large, purposeful steps. "That is exactly what I needed to hear. Let's go destroy Wander!"

Peepers followed him. "You mean conquer the planet?"

"Yes, and that too!"

Chapter Text

The cave was large and echo-y, which was kinda cool, but Hater had bigger things on his mind.

Namely, the stupidly large cave painting that took up the entire far wall.

Hater stared at it. Well, more so glared. Because while the colors and shapes and swirls were all pretty cool looking, the image at the center pretty much ruined it all.

"Well would'ya look at that! It looks just like me!"

And there was Wander. Hater shot a bolt of green lightning towards his most hated foe, which missed. Like usual. He glared at Wander, then back at the mural. "It totally doesn't," he said, eyes locked on the distinctive orange blob in the middle of the picture, green-blob hat and white-blob smile included. It made no sense.

Wander, despite being annoying and stupid and gross, was right.

It was obviously a drawing of him.

In some ancient cave painting. On some random planet.

"It doesn't even look like you," Hater lied. "And anyways, who cares. This is stupid and old."

"Well I think it's pretty neat. I gotta show Syl," Wander said, and then a beat later, "Oh, hello there!"

Against his better judgement, Hater whipped around. An old inhabitant stood not ten paces away, and further behind them a group of strange looking people. "Um," Hater said, lightning cackling from his palms in surprise. "When did you weirdos get here?"

The inhabitant looked from Hater to Wander. "We have always been here," they said. "Waiting."

Gross, Hater thought. What creeps.

Wander was suddenly at his side.

"Wowie! We must'a missed you folks when we came zippin' in here then. How do ya' do!"

The inhabitant — shaman? soothsayer? Hater didn't know — stared, and then in a surprisingly humble voice said, "You have returned."

"What," said Hater.

"Pardon me?" said Wander.

The strange inhabitant advanced. "Traveller, you have come back," they repeated. The weird group behind them followed at a slower pace, mumbling amongst themselves. "Your return has been prophesized by our people for centuries."

Hater let the spark at fingers and crackle up his arm. He didn't care if Wander was standing right there. Actually, it was better that he was. Hater hoped he got zapped. "What?" he said again.

"Oh. Really?" Wander looked from the soothsayer to the mural and then back to the soothsayer. Unfortunately, he seemed entirely unfazed by the green sparks. "Well golly gee, ain't that sure something. You folks are so thoughtful!"

Hater looked at Wander. "What," he said for a third time. Like before, he got no answer.

"Your kindness is as it was foretold. It is an honour to be in your presence," the soothsayer continued, and Hater nearly zapped the cryptic dude right then and there. "We owe you our prosperity, our livelihoods. For teaching our ancestors the way of peace."

"Oh, um, wow. It was nothin' really," Wander said, toe scuffing the ground almost sheepishly. "You really don't need'ta be sayin' all those special words. It was a pleasure to help."

Hater growled, looking back and forth from the old inhabitant to Wander. "Will somebody tell me what the grop is going on here!?"

Wander shot him a quick glance, mouthing "sorry" before looking back to the old inhabitant. Hater blinked. What.

"You need not humble yourself," the soothsayer continued, still ignoring Hater, still acting as if Hater wasn't even there. Which, first of all, rude. And secondly, Hater was starting to find this whole conversation or whatever kind of... strange? And he had just about had enough. Hater went to stride forwards, lightning crackling, but suddenly Wander's arm was intertwined with his. He paused, glancing down at his sworn enemy... who, despite the contact, entirely ignored him.

"I'm nothing special or anything," Wander said to the inhabitants. Had they gotten closer? "I just like helping folks out, that's all." Hater tried to shake Wander off to no avail.

"To us, it has been the difference between what was once a dark, treacherous path and our salvation." The soothsayer made some kind of strange motion with their hands. "We will forever be in your debt. Please let us show you our thanks."

"Oh boy," Wander said softly, which was odd, because Wander never did anything softly. It was always loud and stupid and annoying and Hater really had no idea what was going on here.

"Seriously," Hater interjected to no reaction but Wander's grip tightening. "This is getting REALLY WEIRD and NO ONE'S TELLING ME WHAT'S GOING ON! ALSO—" He tried prying Wander off his arm, completely missing the look of contempt the old shaman shot his way. "—LET GO OF ME!"

Wander held fast. "Er, this has been a, um, lovely meeting," he called out, ignoring Hater's efforts. "But if it is alright with you fine folks, my friend and I are just gonna head on our merry way."

"I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND!"

"Please," the soothsayer repeated. "We wish to show you our gratitude."

Hater couldn't believe this.

"That really won't be necessary—"

"We can have the ceremony ready by nightfall. You will be honoured most magnificently for your generosity and benevolence."

Hater couldn't believe he was being continually ignored by these weird people. By Wander. By people he should have been conquering. People who should have been cowering in fear in front of him and not... not whatever was going on here. Really it was all just plain insulting. Almost like they had never heard of the Lord Hater, greatest the galaxy, number one superstar.

"That really, really won't be necessary." Wander took half a step backwards, and then suddenly was clambering up onto Hater's shoulder. "We're really just about to leave, see."

"Oh my grop, seriously! G'off ME—"

"You cannot leave so soon," the soothsayer said over Hater's complaints. "We have barely begun to thank you for generosity." They closed the distance while a portion of the group behind them conversed in hushed voices, pointing towards both Wander and Hater as well as the main entrance to the cavern.

Hater felt Wander's fuzzy fingers twitch against his neck. "It was years ago," Wander called out politely. Forcibly. "And really, it was nothing special, I was just lendin' a helpin' hand, only the polite thing to do really and um Hater?"

The inhabitants were all moving in closer now, and Hater was having a difficult time choosing which one he was going to zap first. He figured it might as well be the old creep.

"Hater?" Wander repeated, very close to Hater's non-existent ears, and Hater totally, definitely did not jump.

"What?" he snapped, frustration and confusion having reached their max. Clearly he was in some weird alternate galaxy where nothing made sense and no one cared that he was the greatest number one super star. Ridiculous.

"Think maybe you could back away real slow like?"

And that was when Hater realized that the inhabitants were really quite close now, all spreading out like they had something or other planned. Hater took a step back. And then another. He really truly had no idea what was going on.

"Good, good," Wander said to him. And then louder. "Look we're really sorry but we just can't stay, I hope you folks understand." Then, quieter again, leaning up against Hater's head. "Um, there's a couple'a tunnels o'er behind us that I remember seeing when we came in here, but ah, I'm not so sure where they may go."

"You want me to run," Hater said. It was not a question.

"Please."

"Traveller," the soothsayer called, and Hater decided he had enough.

He took a step forwards. Wander squeaked.

"I don't know WHO you're talking to!" he yelled, glaring straight at the soothsayer. "But this—" He poked Wander hard in the side. "—is WANDER." Wander made a soft noise which Hater ignore. "And I AM LORD HATER!" He let the lightning flare up, fists clenched. "DUKE OF DESTRUCTION." A thunderbolt let loose, headed towards that stupid mural that had started this all. It left a nice dark scorch mark. "MONARCH OF MAYHEM." The soothsayer took a few steps back and Hater loomed. "NUMBER ONE SUPERSTAR AND GREATEST IN THE GALAXY. AND IF BY SOME MIRACLE YOU LOSERS HAD NOT HEARD OF ME BEFORE THEN YOU BETTER REMEMBER IT NOW." He got right up in that old fart's face, having to lean down to do so. Wander let out another small squeak and clutched at his neck to keep from falling.

"And no one," Hater growled, low and threatening. "Ignores Lord Hater."

This was going to be fun.

"Well that was nice of them to let us leave," Wander said happily. The mouth of the cave lay behind them. The inhabitants had not followed them out.

Let was a strong word. There had been lightning, and shouting, and Hater had been none too gentle with the weird inhabitants who had all somehow revealed these giant-looking teeth and had tried to bite him. Like, what the heck. How gross.

And yet despite that all, Hater had missed each and every inhabitant he had tried to zap into smithereens. Probably thanks to Wander's loud exclamations and constant tugs on on his lightning bolts. Which, rude. Those were sensitive. They still hurt, not that Hater was going to let Wander know.

Speaking on Wander.

"Get. Off. Of. Me."

"Oh right, sorry 'bout that!" Wander laughed, patting Hater's head a couple times before finally slipping off his shoulder. "Thanks for the lift, buddy."

"We are NOT BUDDIES!" Hater clenched his fists and turned on the fuzzy nomad, but stopped just short of striking out. He mustered up what little restraint he had and glared down at Wander's inquisitive face. "What was all that," he asked, voice painfully controlled. "Back there."

"Ahh," Wander replied. "Well, I was lil' bit concerned, you see, about them grabbing me."

"What?"

"Usually Syl's around, and well she's always so nice about letting me hop on her when things start gettin' a lil'... intense." Wander clasped his hands behind his back, twisting a little every which way. "Sorry about just climbin' on ya' without any forewarning there, Hatey. I really appreciated it though!"

"Wait what are you even talking about? I'm talking about those losers back there! They were like, worshipping you or something!"

"Oh. Um." Wander' deflated some. "Haha, er. I don't know? I guess these people are very... passionate?"

Hater frowned. "That's stupid. You're stupid."

"Well now," Wander admonished. "Let's not be rude about towards people or their cultures." He paused, corners of his mouth turning downwards. "Though their customs do, um, concern me. Just a little."

"What do you mean," Hater asked before he could stop himself.

Wander took a deep breath. "Welllllll," he begun, and then in all one go: "You see I didn't remember it at first — and well maybe they've since changed their ways but I reeeeaally didn't want to stick around to find out — anyways, I'm pretty sure that last time I was here — uh, whenever that was — it was seen among these people as the utmost honour to be chosen for their, er, sacred ritual, which is kind of this sort of willing sacrifice, and I'm preeeetty sure it's actually to be eat—"

A familiar voice. "WANDER!?"

"Sylvia!" Wander exclaimed, suddenly all smiles. The zbornak's voice had sounded from just beyond a small ridge, back near where Hater thought the Skullship had landed. But Hater could have cared less about that.

"Waitwaitwait," he said, hands flapping. "What was that about—"

But Wander was already scampering off, just like that. The nomad spun around just long enough to shout back, "Thanks Hater! Later Hater!" and then was gone over the ridge. He could hear the muffled sounds of that zbornak's relieved reprimands and Wander's excited chatter, but found himself unable to move.

He was so confused.

Hater wondered, belatedly, if this had all been some elaborate ruse set up by Wander. It sure felt that way. Some kind of weird plan all to try and make Hater feel like he was insignificant or something like that. Well it was dumb. He stared at the ridge, then looked back at the stupid florping cave that had been the start of this mess.

"You SUCK!" he yelled towards the rocky landscape. It made him feel better.

He fumbled with his glove to activate the communicator.

"Peepers!" he yelled into his hand.

Static. And then, "Sir, yes sir!"

"Round up the troops! We're leaving."

"But sir, the inva—"

"I don't care!" Hater stomped towards where he thought his ship would be. "This place is stupid and confusing and the people are weird and I don't wanna rule them anyways. Meet me on Skullship, we're leaving." His hand clenched into a fist, effectively cutting off any further communication.

He was going to bury this event deep, deep in his mind and never think about it again. Eurgh.

Chapter Text

"Well that's it, we're stuck." Peepers said. Sylvia watched as he turned away from the large stone door. It absolutely dwarfed him. "There's no way we're getting in."

"Or out," Sylvia added. A near exact replica of the door stood tall at the opposite end of the hall. It had been open when they came in. It wasn't open any more. The symbols that adorned it seemed to give off a faint glow.

"This is the worst raid ever!"

"Worst adventure ever," Sylvia corrected, if only for Wander's sake. Hater didn't seem to care. He lashed out at the door, hitting it with a concentrated bolt of lightning. The stone remained entirely unscathed, not even a darkened mark. Hater and Sylvia glared at it.

Must be some real old magic.

Hater yelled once more, a wordless sound of frustration, then abruptly sat down, arms crossed and shoulders hunched. "This is stupid," he said.

"This is so pretty!" Wander exclaimed. It was to no one in particular. He was still standing in the middle of the grand hall, a look of awe on his fuzzy face. Always the optimist. Sylvia wasn't sure he knew they were stuck yet.

The whole thing had been pitched to them as an adventure. By Hater and Peepers. Hater and Peepers, asking them on an adventure. Hah!

Sylvia knew better, of course. But Wander had literally jumped for joy at the prospect. A old temple with an ancient history? The bestest greatest idea ever, according to him. And of course they surely wouldn't take anything from it, no, that would be bad. Peepers had been very empathetic on that point.

And Wander bought it all.

Oh look at us four, Wander had said to Sylvia. We really are becomin' friends! Syl ain't this just beautiful!

Sylvia had agreed that it sure was something alright.

She had then literally pulled Peepers away and had demanded the truth. He had been more than happy to oblige.

Yes, it was an ancient temple. An no, it wasn't some kind of trap. There was an artifact, something deep in the depths of the structure. Something that was rumoured to be almighty and powerful and required the direst of situations to activate.

We're not exactly in a dire situation here, pipsqueak, Sylvia had said, interested despite herself.

But we were, with Dominator, he had replied frankly. And we could be again. With your idiot and my idiot, who knows what kind of cosmic forces they might unwittingly pit against us. It's good to have fallbacks.

There were a lot of we's and us's in that argument, which becoming more and more common between the four of them. Sylvia was entirely sure how she felt about that, but she had to admit Peepers had a point.

So she had told him as much, somewhat unwillingly. And then, because that little nerd had looked smug, she had quickly tacked on, So you need our help.

What, pshhh, noooo. But his arguments hadn't lasted long and eventually he spilled the truth. The rumours say we need someone... pure of heart. And uh...

Wander. Of course.

And so here they were. Stuck. Pure of heart sure doesn't do much against solid rock wall.

"Why'all lookin' all gloomy over here!" Wander skipped over, happy as could be. Sylvia grimaced. He definitely hadn't realized their predicament yet. "Turn those frowns upside down! We got some more adventuring to do, team!"

"WE ARE NOT A TEAM!" Hater yelled, standing up in a huff. "And ANYWAYS, we're stuck. Here! With YOU. ARGHHHH."

"Stuck? Pshhhh. That's not what you call hangin' out with your best buddies!"

"WE ARE NOT YOUR BUDDIES!"

"Oh you," Wander said coyly, slinking towards Hater. "I thought we were past all the pretendin' and stuff~"

"Stop! Both of you!" Peepers yelled, his tiny stature not hindering his volume in the slightest. "You." He pointed at Wander. "The last thing we need here is your... shenanigans. And you—" He rounded on Hater. "Behave."

"But Wander—"

"Enough."

Sylvia stifled a laugh. The little nerd reminded her of her mother. Out loud, she said, "This is great and all, but we're still stuck in here."

"That's what I WAS SAYING," Hater said, glaring at Peepers. He then turned his glare back to Wander. Wander grinned. Nothing unusual there. Hater made a noise of disgust before marching over to where their tiny group was apparently congregating. "I am not going to be stuck down here with him."

He was being practically civil. No fighting or chasing. Wander must be so proud.

Wander slid up next to Sylvia, all smiles. "We're not stuck," he said, almost laughing.

"Uh, yes we are," Hater countered.

Wander looked around, focusing on the very large, very closed door. "Hmmm, nope!"

Sylvia wanted to give her buddy the benefit of doubt. "Oookay, so how we gonna get outta here then, buddy?"

Wander did laugh this time. "Through that door, silly."

Sylvia sighed. This was definitely turning out to be one of those days.

"Er." Peepers spoke up, looked from Sylvia to Wander. "Unless you happen to know ancient — what is this, Jaergûwre? — then yes, we are. Look around you—"

"Oh I have been looking," Wander pipped up. "It's magnificent, isn't it?"

"That's not—" Peepers pulled a hand down his eye, looking exasperated. "We're are locked in! This door won't open. That door closed behind us. We're all going to die in here! Do you understand!"

"If we have to eat each other I vote Wander goes first," Hater supplied helpfully.

Peepers took a deep breath, in, then out. "We're dead," he said.

Sylvia kind of wanted to agree.

"Alright there," she consoled instead, giving Peepers a single pat on the shoulder. "Keep it together." Hater made a gagging sound.

"Welllll," Wander called out suddenly. He was no longer beside her. "It's not quite Jaergûwre, mister Peepers, but you were close!" He was standing by the door, hand on chin, calmly inspecting the large glyphs.

"What?" Peepers said.

"This is Jotunarwre, kinda like its distant cousin or something if I remember correctly. They share a lot of words."

"What?" Hater said.

"But gosh, I do not remember its runes being so big." Wander started pacing backwards, humming lightly. "But you were right, Peepers, if we didn't know Jotunarwre then I suppose we could'a been in some kinda trouble. I mean, it says right there at the top that only those who recite the entreaty can enter the temple."

"What" Sylvia asked, desperately trying to follow her buddy's words. Wander backed right into her, so she caught him and plopped him down on her saddle. A natural reaction. He gave a lighthearted laugh.

"We just gotta say the keywords," he said happily. "The ones right there on the door."

Sylvia took a few steps back. He was right, the symbols were huge. She had just assumed these things were fancy designs or something like that.

"You telling me you can, er, read this," Peepers asked, almost hesitantly.

"I'm a bit rusty but the entreaty is pretty simple."

And then, without further warning, Sylvia felt Wander stand on her back.

"We be weary travellers," he called out, voice sounding a little... strange. "Looking for respite! A promise of reverence — uh, no wait — of deference, we readily provide. No harm shall befall thee who permit us entry. Please grant our alight." He paused, and then, in a normal volume, "Or at least I think that's what it says." He sat back down.

A hush of silence followed. Hater coughed.

The rumble seemed to begin deep in the stone. The symbols, which had previously glowed with a very soft light, flared brilliantly. Sylvia swore quietly under her breath and shielded her eyes. She didn't envy Peepers at the moment. He had probably been temporarily blinded. All she could hear was the grinding sound of rock on rock.

When she opened her eyes, blinking away the brightness, the giant slab of stone had opened.

Well then.

"Woohoo! That was exciting!" Wander leaped down from Sylvia's back, skirting right on over to the new entryway. "I don't remember it being so flashy!"

"Um," Hater said. Sylvia agreed. (Peepers probably would have as well if he could see.)

"This place sure does look different from the last time I saw it!" Wander continued, walking straight into the newly revealed room without any hesitation. "There are so many new things to look at!"

Then he was out of sight. Sylvia felt a brief spike of concern, but given that she could still hear him prattling on about the architecture of the place, she wasn't too worried.

It was Hater, finally, who said what they surely had to be all thinking.

"What. The heck."

Sylvia's sentiments, summed up nicely. Hater was on a roll. She wondered if he would continue and ask the question that had once again popped up in her mind.

"Uh, zbornak?" Ah Peepers, of course. "How um, old is Wander, exactly?"

And there it was.

"That's a good question," she said evenly, looking towards the open room her buddy had disappeared into. She could still hear him babbling away. She started forwards.

"You don't know, do you," Peepers said after a couple beats of silence. It wasn't a question.

"Not a clue."

She stopped under the new doorway, looking up and around. This place was humongous. She wondered about the people who had made it all. Maybe she should ask Wander about it some time — it seemed like he might have known the guys.

"What the heck," Hater said again. It wasn't said to anyone in particular. He passed Sylvia on his way through the door. "This is stupid. Wander is stupid. This is like that florping cult thing all over again..."

Sylvia didn't even want to know.

Peepers paused next to her, bringing up the rear. He was still rubbing at his eye. "You don't seem to surprised."

Sylvia blinked down at him. "Neither do you."

"Hmm, well." He looked away. "I may have had my suspicions."

"Me too, I guess."

"You don't sound too happy about it."

Sylvia glared at him. He was being pretty presumptuous today, wasn't he. Sylvia knew she should accuse him of being friendly, sounding concerned. It would throw him right off the subject. But instead she found herself saying, "I kinda wish he would just say something about, you know. To me."

Peepers stared at her for a moment. It was hard to read him, him just being a eyeball an all. "You could ask."

Sylvia huffed. "Oh c'mon, don't say that like it's the obvious thing, you nerd."

"Yeah well," he said, wiping a bit of nonexistent dirt off his gloves. "Until you figure it out, we gotta convince your mysterious idiot to nab an ancient artifact." He started forwards. "So move it or lose it, zbornak."

Right back to the goal at hand. Sylvia expected nothing less of him. What a nerd.

She pulled herself together.

"Says the one with the tiny legs," she called after him. She entered into the next room, trying to ignore the sounds of the door closing behind her. She easily overtook Peepers, ignoring his protests as she followed the sounds Wander's chatter and Hater's grumbles. She should catch up to Wander before he got himself into trouble.

"Ooooh look'it, a pretty red button. I'm gonna press it!"

A pause. Then the entire temple rumbled.

Or, more trouble. Sylvia swore under her breath and broke into a run. Such is life.

Chapter Text

5.1 Sylvia