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The doorbell rang at 357 Avian Way, St Carnard. “I’ll get it, DW!” Launchpad called out.
Drake Mallard sighed. He’d just about convinced the Muddlefoots that his middle name was “Wilbur” but he still wished Launchpad wouldn’t call him DW when he wasn’t in costume.
“Ah, hello,” said a cultured voice as Launchpad opened the door. “I’m looking for… good heavens, Launchpad McQuack?”
It took Launchpad a moment to recognise the figure on the doorstep. The bulging muscles and lantern-jawed beak (even greater than Launchpad’s own) were distinctive, but the fact the visitor was wearing a three-piece suit rather than a loincloth or royal robes threw him at first. “Wait … Prince Graydrake? I haven’t seen you since I was working for Mr McD and we helped you claim your throne! How did you know I was here?”
“In fact, I didn’t,” said Prince Graydrake, whose English had clearly vastly improved since he was first taken from his jungle home back to the land of his birth, “I’m here to see my distant cousin, Drake Mallard. I was told he lived here?”
“Huh … wha?” said Drake in confusion, as he joined them in the hall.
A while later, the ducks were gathered around the kitchen table, which was covered in piles of paper produced from Graydrake’s briefcase, detailing a complicated and interconnected family tree. “You see,” Graydrake explained, “A few months ago, I was visited by a historian named Philbert J. Farmyard. He’d been researching the Graydrake genealogy and found evidence that my grandfather had an illegitimate child by a Braticia Wildfowl. What intrigued him was that this child, James Quack Wildfowl, moved to America, where he became the father of James Quack Wildfowl Jr., better known as..”
“The 1930s adventurer Duck Savage!” exclaimed Drake, “I remember reading those old Mallard of Bronze pulps based on his adventures when I was a kid!”
“Exactly,” agreed Graydrake, “This led Farmyard to theorise that perhaps all, or at least many, adventuring ducks were related. He traced the Graydrake line back to one Dr Sheldrake Mallard, whose daughter, Margaret Mallard, married the first Prince Graydrake. Apparently, Dr Mallard once witnessed a meteor crash near the town of Wolf-Newt in Yorkieshire, England. Farmyard believed the meteor had some mutating effect on the witnesses.”
“Witnesses?” repeated Drake, “You mean Dr Mallard wasn’t the only one? Did the others also have kids who were heroes?”
“According to Farmyard, the witnesses were in two coaches and had a wide mix of species. The families produced great heroes, but also villains. One of them was a cat named Deuteronomy Jellicle, who had a number of heroic descendants, but was also the grandfather of Professor Macavity.”
“The Napo-Lion of Crime!” exclaimed Drake.
“Quite. Macavity was also apparently the Captain Nemo who encountered Willy Fog, which Farmyard says was a proxy war between two factions of aliens. And Macavity’s son by his moll, Petronella Pete, would also become a notorious criminal, although the Pete line’s own criminality apparently dates back to the time of King Henry.”
Launchpad suddenly spoke, “Y’know, when I was a kid, everyone said the greatest pilot in history was Baloo von Bruinwald. You suppose he was descended from one of these families?”
“There weren’t any bears present, sorry. Although I think Farmyard speculated that von Bruinwald might be descended from John Little of Landreth, one of Robin of Foxley’s companions. Anyway, what I wanted to show you, Drake, is your line of the family, here, descended from Dr Sheldrake’s son Malcolm.”
Gosalyn, who’d wandered into the room unnoticed during this discussion, picked up the sheet. “Wow, Dad, I knew you had some impressive ancestors – I’ve even met some of ‘em – but I didn’t realise your grandfather was a costumed crimefighter as well!”
Drake, who had not told the visitor about his secret identity, gave her a warning glance as he snatched the paper, “Give me that! Huh, ‘Kent Mallard – The Waddler.’ Well, whaddaya know? And I just remember Grandpa Kent as some old guy with garish taste in rings,” His eyes widened as he looked at the rest of the entry, “Wait, Grandma Margo was the sister of Lois Loon? As in ‘Super-Squirrel’s Girlfriend Lois Loon’?”
“That’s right. One of the things that intrigued Farmyard was that the various heroic lineages tend to attract each other. Even converge, inasmuch as that’s possible within species differences. For instance, you’re descended from Malcolm Mallard, but you also have ancestors from the Graydrake side. See, here Georgina Graydrake married into the Quackett family, and Kent Mallard was an illegitimate son of Duke Andrew Quackett.”
“Quackett … wait, like Lord John Lamont Quackett? I’m a great-nephew to Fantomius?? And all these connections, they just seem to happen by coincidence?”
“So it seems. Braticia Wildfowl, Duck Savage’s grandmother who I mentioned before, is actually descended from the other ducks who were present; Sir Darcy Duckney and his wife Lady Melissa. But neither she nor my grandfather were aware of this.”
“The Scarlet Pumpernickel? Sure, why not?” Drake moved over to look at the far left pile of papers. “So who else was descended from that side? Hmm, Doorlock Homes, Dripalong Daffy, Boston Quackie, China Jones, Duck Twacy, Duck Drake, Duck Dodgers, Plucky Duck… The only one of these people I’ve heard of is Byrd Rentals, and he’s a great actor, but he’s not exactly a hero.”
“For some reason, the Duckney line has a tendency to produce … flawed ... heroes,” said Graydrake, “Sir Darcy himself excepted, of course. Some of them were just incompetent, others let their ego get in the way. A few were like this most of the time, but had occasional flashes of greatness when most set upon.”
“Hah, what a bunch of… Wait a minute! It says Duck Drake had a daughter called Ella? Ella Drake was my mother’s name!”
“Everyone look shocked,” muttered Gosalyn under her breath.
“Hey, guys,” interrupted Launchpad, “There’s a whole side of the family tree over here that we haven’t covered! The Greydrakes are descended from Margaret, DW’s descended from Malcolm, but it says here Doc Sheldrake had a third child, Molly Mallard. And she married…” he traced his finger across the page, then stopped in shock, “Titus ‘Dirty Dingus’ McDuck? Mr McD’s part of this whole thing?”
Drake shrugged. “At this point, are you even surprised?”