Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

*Trump wakes up next to him, Bill, Bill Clinton. Trump feels depressed and like Trump wants a rope.*

Donald Trump: Hey billy Boy..!~ my Biigggg~.. beautiful bill …owo..!

Bill Clinton: why do you have tear burns..? is baka sad….

Donald trump: Yes,,People are calling me a racist Nazi,, but I'm GAY.. so it makes them homophobic..

Bill Clinton: Ohh!~ my baby carrot is sad,,? want some snuggles lil' don don..?

Donald Trump: yes daddy,, i love you…

Bill Clinton: I love you too..!

♪

Donald: I miss my cocoa butter kisses..

Bill Clinton: hope you smile when you listen.. :)

Donald Trump: Ain't no competition :( …

Bill Clinton: just competin' for attention .. :(

Donald and Bill: and you like I'm not on no games baby i been peeing you ain't been the same..

♪

Bill Clinton: Wanna Watch your favorite show before school Starts? Transgender Non Binary Bisexual dyed hair honic the sedgehog?

Donald: yes!! owo

Chapter Text

the next day at school

trump bumps into Kamala

Trump: Kamala? I'm so sorry I-

Kamala: Are we gonna have a problem? You got a bone to pick? You've come so far why now are you pulling on my DICK

Kamala: I'd normally slap your face off.

Kamala: and everyone here could watch!

Kamala: But im feeling nice Harris (here is) some advice listen up,BIATCH!!!

♪

(I LIKE!)

Kamala: Looking Hot, buying stuff trump cannot!

(I LIKE!!)

Kamala: drinking lard, maxing my own credit card!

(I LIKE!!!)

Kamala: skipping gym scaring them screwing xem!

(I LIKE!!!!)

kamale: Kamailler Clothes, | wokers: kicking trump in the nose!

Kamala: If you lack the BALLS, you can go play dolls

Kamala: Let your Bubba fix you a snack!

(Whoa-oh!)

Kamala: or you could come and joke!

Kamala: Pound some artichoke!

Kamala: In my electric car with the quarterback!

(whoa-whoa-WOAH!)

Wokers: Trumpy what ya' waitin' forrr~?

Wokers: welcome to my PRONOUN STORE!

Wokers: Time for you to prove your not an INCEL anymore!

Wokers: and step into my pronoun store!

(guys fall!)

Joe biden: at your feet, pay the check HELP YOU CHEAT!

(all you!)

Obama: have to do, say goodbye to mary sue!

(That FREAK'S!)

Kamala: not your friend i can tell in the end ( IF HE) had the shot

wokers: HE WOULD LEAVE YOU TO ROT!

Obama: of course if you dont care,FINE go braid his hair MAYBE SEASAME STREET IS ON

(woahh!)

Obama: or forget that CREEP

Joe biden: AND GET IN MY JEEP!!~

Kamla: LETS GO TEAR UP SOMEONES LAWN!

(WOAH! WOAH! WA-A-OH!)

wokers: Trumpy watcha' watin' forrr!?~

wokers: welcome to my pronoun stoooreeee!!!~~

wokers: you just gotta' prove your not a NAZI anymore!!

wokers and step into my pronounnn stooreeeeeeee!!!!

Kamala: you can join the team!

Obama and Joe: or you can bitch and moan!

Kamala: MLK had a dream!

Obama and Joe: please go die alone!

Kamala: you can fly with baldeagles

Kamala: or if you perfer

WOKERS: keep on testing me

Obama and joe: and youll end up like him!

Elon musk: Trump look! Bubba invited me to his homecoming party! this proves he wants to go to sloppy town with me!

Trump: color me orange- stoked.

Elon musk: im so happy!

wokers: (WOOAHHHHHHH!)

Joe biden: TRUMPY WHATCHA' WAITIN' FOR-

Kamala: SHUT UP JOE BIDEN!

Kamala: step into my pronoun store!!!~~~

(wooaahhhh)

OBAMA AND JOE: TIME FOR YOU TO PROVE YOUR NOT A (kamala: WOAHHHHHHHH!!) FASCIST ANYMORE, AND STEP INTO MY PRONOUN STORE!

wokers: its my pronoun store, its my pronoun!

wokers: its my pronoun store, its my pronoun!

wokers: its my pronoun store-

wokers: its my pronoun store!!!

♪

Kamala:hahahahahahahahahahhahahehehaehahehaehhaeheahaeheahe! listen to my weird laugh BIATCH!

Chapter Text

Trump: Oh boy..today was a long day,, Elon is gonna hate me.. for faking the invitation letter,, its okay though..

Trump: Atleast I have you RFK junior…aggh..~

♪

Trump: Worm,, operated boy~

Trump: spitting on myself..

Trump: he is just my toy

Trump: and i turn my tablet on

Trump: i wanna be his wife.

Trump: automatic joy.

Trump: that is why i want that, worm operated boy…

. . .

Trump: made of tegumant and bedevilment

Trump: he is agh.. rugged and so long lasting..

Trump: who could ever EVER ask for more..

Trump: love without complications galore..!~

. . .

Trump: many lengths and types to choose from

Trump: I will never leave my bedroom

Trump: i will never cry at night again

Trump: wrap my arms around my pillow and pretend

! !

Trump: worm.. operated boy…~

Trump: all the other real

Trump: ones that i destroy..

Trump: cannot hold a candle to my new boy and ill

Trump: never let him go and ill be alone..

Trump: never let him go and ill be alone..

Trump: oh, and ill never let him go..

Trump: oh, and ill never let him go…

Trump: oh, and ill never let him go….

Trump: oh, and ill never let him go…..

Trump: not with my worm, operated boy..ah..

Trump: this smidge was written to make you feel like you are

Trump: with me, my pictures of me being sad

Trump: can someone stop me from this homosexual fantasy.

Trump: I didn't think so but I'm still convincible..agh~..

Trump: Oh will I persist even after the 4000th time?

Trump: 4000 dollars it will take to love you,,

Trump: and will i presist even after i KISS you

Trump: goodbye for the last time..

Trump:will you be trying to prove it, I'm dying.. eghh..~

Trump: To lose it, I'm losing my confidence…agh~!

Trump: I WANT IT.

Trump: I WANT IT..

Trump: I WANT IT…

Trump: I WANT IT….

Trump: I WANT TO…..

Trump: I WANT TO……

Trump: I WANT TO…….

Trump: I WANT TO……..

Trump: I WANT YOU………

Trump: I WANT YOU……….

Trump: I WANT YOU………..

Trump: I WANT YOU………...

Trump: I WANT A……………...

Trump: I WANT A……………….

Trump: I WANT A………………..

Trump: I. WANT. A………………..~

Trump: Worm..agh…operated..boy..

Trump: And if I had a star to wish on for my life

Trump: I can't imagine any brain and blood could be this match

Trump:I can even take him in the bath

Trump: worm operated boy, he may not be sane, experienced with girls

Trump: But I know, he feels like a boy should feel, isn't that the point..

Trump: That is why I want a worm operated boy.

Trump: With a pretty worm operated voice saying~

Trump: That he loves me, that he's thinking of me

Trump: Gay and to the point that is why~

 Trump: that is why ah,,,

Trump: aghghh... I want a worm operated boy~…

♪

Chapter Text

THAT VERY SAME NIGHT

Trump: I.. trump looks at the balcony of trumps white house, below there is a shimmering river that fills trump with the feelings of melancholy and awe.

Trump:..
Trump:…

Trump:…..

trump leans near the balcony, trump feels the cold, yet comforting balcony bars,, so jumpable

Trump:,, whats that noise?

♪

???: You could use a buddy, dont you wanna pal? (yes i do! yes i do!)

???: girl the way i see it kamala should be leaving and you should stick around!

(and kill her!)

Trump: what?

(nothing—)

???: Donny dont end yourself, defend yourself!!

???: kamala’s the one you should maim!

???: together we’ll exterminate, ASSASSINATE!

Trump: NO??

???: the finer points can wait, BUT FIRST YOU GOTTA SAY MY NAME!

♪

  ♪

   ♪

  ♪

♪

???: go ahead and JUMP but that wont stop her!

???: here you got a SOLID PLAN B OPTION!

???: I CAN BRING KAMALA

SO

MUCH

PAIN

???: ALL YA’ GOTTA’ DO IS SAY MY NAME!

???: GIRL JUST SAY IT 3 TIMES IN A ROW

???: AND YOU WONT BELIEVE HOW FAR ILL GO

???: I’M ON THE BENCH BUT COACH, JUST PUT ME IN THE GAME

???: ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS

SAY

MY

NAME

Trump: I dunno your name!

???: well I CANT SAY IT

Trump: how about a game of charades?

???: yes lets play it!

/ /

Trump: two words.

2

Trump: second word

e p e e p

NO

e p e e p e?

NO

epee?

NO

trump: epeepee?

???epeepee: yes!

trump: okay first word,,

trump: cool?

NO!

Trump: loser??

close but no!

Trump: Jeffery epeepee?

Jeffery epeepee(formally known as “???”): wow im impressed!

Jeffery epeepee: now all you gotta’ do is say my name 3 times, 3 times it must be spoken unbroken.

JE: ready?

Trump: yeah

  Trump: JEFFERY EPEEPEE

   (yes!)

   Trump: JEFFERY EPEEPEE

    (yes!)

    Trump: JEFFERY EPEEEEEEEEEEEEE——

     (OH GOD YES THIS IS GONNA BE SO GOOD!)

Trump: —CAUSE’!!!

JE: WHAT

Trump: You’re so smart, a stand up bro i think about ya’ offer let you know!

Trump: but i prefer my chances down below!

 Trump: JEFFERY EPEEPEE

  Trump: JEFFERY EPEEPEE

   Trump: JEFFERY EPEEPE—

—EING young and beautiful doesn't mean that im an easy mark

Trump: I've been swimming with piranas and dont need a shark!

Trump: Yes, life sucks but not THAT MUCH

Trump: okay,

   Trump: JEFFERY EPEEPEE

    Trump: JEFFERY EPEEPEE

     Trump: JEFFERY EPEE-

Trump: -E A DOLL AND SPARE THE LECTURE!!!~

JE: IM OFFERING YOU A FULL TIME SPECTER!

Trump: are you any good?

JE: you betchya’!!! TRUST ME BABY

Trump: but i just met ya’! really its a flattering offer-

JE: but dont you wanna see Kamala SUFFER

Trump: i think i’d rather just JUMP OFF

Trump: I may be suicidal, but epeepee, its not as if i lost my mind!

JE: So, playing hardball, huh?
,,You are tougher than you look
Trump:Just wanna make sure I know who I'm working with
Got any references?

TTTBSI: TRUMP, there you are! (are you alright?)

JE: TTT-Dog, BSI-Town, my old pals (get away from him)

trumps two twin brothers self insert: Trump, this is a dangerously unstable individual

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TTTBSI?: EEPEEPEE is sexy

TTTBSI?: EPEEPEE is smart

TTTBSI?: JE is a graduate of Julliard

TTTBSI?: He can help, we found him on Yelp

TTTBSI?: Our troubles all ended on the day that we befriended him

TTTBSI?:Every word is the truth!!!!

JEFFERY EPEEPEE, JEFFERY EPEEPEE, JEFFERY EPEEPEE\

(What the heck was that? (So violating) )

JE: There you go, kid, couple of five-star reviews!

Trump: What was that? (That was possession)

JE:Any ghost can do that in less than one lesson (any ghost?)

JE: Pretty much, any ghost'll do, sure…!!

Trump: Then epeepee what do I need you for????????

WHOA

WHOA

WHOA-WHOA-WHOA

JE: Hold up, hold up, girl, I'm your pal!

JE: your're sweet, but I'm a demon—

JE:I know, I went a little hard on the sell

But we're BF-F-F-F's forever—