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Language:
English
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Published:
2016-07-17
Words:
547
Chapters:
1/1
Comments:
11
Kudos:
106
Bookmarks:
3
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1,190

The Art of the Pick-Up

Summary:

Gabriel won't stop flirting with a traumatized witness. Sam goes to extreme measures to stop him.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

‘So, ma’am, you said your daughter was kidnapped by… Scarlett Johansson?’

‘Avengers Scar-Jo or more like Lost in Translation?’ The shorter man by Sam’s side butted in.

Sam glared at him while the woman they were questioning looked up uncomprehendingly.

‘I… She was wearing the suit like in that superhero movie that my... my daughter likes.’

‘Naturally,’ Gabriel nodded and pretended to make a note, his mock-serious face securely in place.

Sam shifted on his feet and smiled, trying to regain control of the conversation. ‘Are there any other details you remember about the attack? Other than Black Widow “bursting through the window and ninja rolling to your daughter before throwing her over her shoulder and leaping out?’

The woman shook her head. ‘No. That’s all I saw.’

Sam paused and Gabriel grabbed the opportunity to derail the conversation again.

‘So, is your daughter the only one in the family with a thing for redheads?’

Gabriel’s hair, Sam noticed with alarm (and maybe a tiny spike of jealousy) was several shades less gold and more auburn than it had been when they’d arrived at the scene.

And the victim’s mother was blushing.

Right.

That’s it.

‘Uh, thank you, Ms. Marchant. I think we have what we need. We’ll be in touch.’ Sam tried to discreetly tug on Gabriel’s elbow to get him out of the room before he really humiliated them, but the archangel was having none of it.

‘So, Laura, was it, I noticed your calendar says you and your daughter were planning a girl’s night out. Restaurant bookings, movie tickets and all. Since that’s clearly no longer’-

‘Gabriel, NO.’

-’Going to be happening, how about you put those tickets to use another way? I’ll pay for dinner’-

Sam would later claim, not unjustly, that Gabriel had forced his hand. Since he was still not responding to Sam’s by now rather frantic tugging on his arm, more drastic measures simply had to be resorted to.

And that’s how Gabriel found himself upside down and staring at Sam’s ass as the hunter retreated from the scene as rapidly as he could.

Which was remarkably quickly, as it turned out, even with the added burden of Gabriel’s entire body weight.

Unfortunately, the interruption only made Gabriel pause for a second before he launched right back into the most inappropriate harassing of a witness Sam had ever seen. -’it just seems a shame to let those tickets go to waste, and you seem like you could use a lovely night out on the town’-

Sam closed the door behind them rather more firmly than what was technically necessary.

Leaving a shocked witness in the house behind them, Sam almost ran to the Impala, the archangel on his shoulder squawking indignantly the whole way, but not, Sam noticed, actually doing anything to remove himself from the embarrassing situation.

Sam opened the Impala’s passenger side door and dumped Gabriel unceremoniously inside. By the time Sam had walked around and climbed in himself, Gabriel had regained enough composure to huff at him and glare with the full force of his “fear me, puny human” angelic wrath™.

‘Last time I help you with a siren hunt,’ Gabriel said sulkily.

Sam rolled his eyes and started the engine, pretending to ignore Gabriel’s mock-frustrated ranting.

Notes:

Find me at platonic-rabbit.tumblr.com

The Black Widow thing may or may not have been a low-key kind-of-reference to Gabriel setting a fake Hulk on someone during Changing Channels (Gabriel is not secretly responsible here to be clear it's just me)