Chapter Text
The Avengers sat in the common room together, watching television. It wasn't game night, but they spent more and more of their off-duty time together these days. Phil enjoyed this sign of the deepening bonds of team and family. Currently Phil sat on the couch between Steve and Tony. Phil preferred to keep a close eye on Steve in case it became necessary to change the channel. Clint and Natasha cuddled together on the loveseat. Bruce curled up in a chair. Tony channel-surfed idly, looking for something interesting.
"Okay, I'm lost," Steve said, frowning at the screen. "What's with all the funny colors?"
"They're Easter eggs. You must've seen those when you were growing up, didn't you?" Clint said.
"Yeah, but those are ... what did you call them? Day-glow colors?" Steve said.
"They're dyed," Phil pointed out.
"With what?" Steve said. "The last time I saw colors that crazy, Howard misappropriated some tracer dye and painted a bunch of dummy grenades and hid them in the -- um. Nevermind." He broke off, looking at Tony.
Tony was staring down at the remote control in his hands. He turned it over, fiddled with the back, turned it right side up again. "My father never did anything like that with me," he said in a tight voice. "He was an atheist. So I didn't get to hunt Easter eggs. He said Easter was just an infantile wish to turn back time and raise the dead, that rational people should know better."
Steve winced, rippling against Phil's side. "I'm sorry, Tony," said Steve. "I didn't mean to bring up bad memories for you. It's just ... Howard was my friend, and now he's gone, and I miss him. I try not to talk about him around you, because I know you didn't really get along with your father, but it feels like I'm walking on eggshells. It's really hard."
"It's hard growing up without getting to do stuff all the other kids do, too. I swear if I didn't know better, I'd think you were talking about a totally different man," Tony said.
"In a way, that's true," Phil said. He needed to defuse the tension between them on this topic, or they'd hurt each other the way they had when they first met. Clearly it wouldn't go away on its own. "Losing someone can break people."
"What do you mean by that?" Steve asked.
Phil thought twice about his options, then decided to bring it out in the open as delicately as possible. "You were on the radio with Howard and Peggy when the plane went down, Steve," Phil said. "They couldn't protect you, but they could and did make certain you didn't go through that alone. I've lost agents under very similar circumstances. It's not something everyone can recover from. Peggy did. From the divergence between your description and Tony's, it sounds like Howard didn't. In essence, it may be that the man you knew as a friend died that day, shielding you from the worst of the stress."
Steve sniffled, then rubbed both hands over his face, smearing a line of tears across his cheeks. Phil passed him a handkerchief. "Yeah, that fits," Steve said hoarsely. "Now I kinda feel like I got him killed."
"You didn't," Phil said firmly. "Howard made his own decision to cover your back as best he could. You want to blame someone for what happened, blame HYDRA."
Tony was frankly staring at both of them. "I never ... I really never thought about it that way," he said.
Steve and Tony leaned into Phil. He looped an arm around each of them. Phil worried about Tony a little, because Howard Stark was touchy territory there too. Eggshells, indeed. "No reason why you should, Tony," he said quietly. "It's not a perspective most people would think about."
"I should have," Tony said, his voice hitching. "I've seen it. Something like it. Golmira."
Because Yinsen had quite deliberately given his life to buy Tony's freedom, Phil recalled, and that had forged the Merchant of Death into Iron Man. "Even so, Tony, the situation with Steve and Howard wasn't your fault. Don't blame yourself for something that happened before you were born," Phil said.
"I'm not. I'm blaming myself for being a jerk, now, to one of my best friends," Tony said. He turned to Steve. "I'm sorry. You've lost so much, and I don't want to take away yet another thing. Go ahead and remember your friend; that way something of him will survive. I wish -- I wish I could have known the same man you did. At least this way I can hear about him. Just, you know, I may need to tap out if it gets too much for me."
Phil gave Tony an encouraging squeeze. "I'm so proud of you," he murmured.
"Thanks, Tony. That means a lot to me," Steve said. "Let me know if I overdo it."
"Fair," Tony agreed.