Archive of Our Own ^beta

Jack and Nick had a system. Once a week, Jack would send a message to his brother via text. There were several different type of messages, each having a secret meaning. One was to tell his brother 'all was well' and not to worry; another was 'go to ground' to warn the other his life could be in danger and to inform their parents as well; another was 'need to talk' so that they could go over what was happening in each other's lives; the last was for 'radio silence' meaning there could be a long stretch of nothing so not to stress out over it.

But when none of those messages came over Nick's phone, two days overdue, he decided to take his vacation early and travel to see his brother face-to-face.

Grissom nodded in understanding, not questioning his CSI and just asking him to come back as soon as he could.

Nick thanked his boss and took the next flight out.

The CSI had secretly traced the last number his brother last used and found the apartment easily. He hadn't been to the location yet, hadn't really been to any of Jack's places in years really, his brother usually went to him, but that didn't stop him from confidently knocking on the door.

When Jack opened the door, Nick instantly knew something terrible had happened.

Jack's eyes had deep, dark circles under them, meaning his brother hadn't slept in days. The man's clothes were at least three days old, judging from the mustard stain crusting on his shirt. The super spy forced the same smile he always did at their father's important parties as he looked at his twin.

"Hey, Nicholas," Jack's voice was gravely and his breath smelt heavily of alcohol. "What'cha doing here?"

"Apparently pulling you out of the gutter," Nick pushed his way in far too easily, Jack didn't put up any resistance. His brother didn't even playfully try to stop him from entering 'his domain'.

When Nick gets a look at the inside of his twin's apartment, he sort of wished he had.

There were beer bottles everywhere and old fast food containers from all sorts of places to add a pattern to the mess. The lazy boy chair had a permanent indent of Jack's rear end.

The television was on but muted and there was a gun carefully taken apart on the coffee table.

"Okay, Jack," Nick straightens his back, readying himself for the worst as he turns to stare at his brother slumped against the closed door. "What happened?"

"Dunno know what'cha talking 'bout," Jack slurs, wobbling a little as he walks back to his chair. "Jus hangin' round is'all. Why ya here, Nicholas?"

"You didn't send me a message, that's why," his brother snaps, grabbing his arm to stop him from passing. His brother very rarely called him by his full name and he already did it twice. A very big 'not good' sign. "We can talk around in circles all day or you can tell me what happened."

Jack lets out a heavy breath and Nick has to stop breathing for a second so that the stench won't make him nauseous.

"Got hurt onna mish is'all," Jack shrugs. He tries to pull out of his brother's grip but it's a pathetic attempt that has Nick tightening his hold on his twin for more than one reason.

"Who was hurt, Jack?" Nick pushes, looking his brother over for injuries. He sees a slight lump to the man's head, but otherwise he looks fine. "Did you get hurt? Did the kid get hurt? What?"

"Mac," Jack says softly, eyes resolutely staring at a piece of junk mail lying on the floor. "He, uh, he got shot. Nikki she...I can't, man."

"I'm assuming you're not talking about me since you said 'she'," Nick realized at least why his brother was using the long version of his name. "I'm guessing 'Mac' is the kid and this other Nicky is another part of your team?"

Jack wasn't allowed to tell his brother much about his team or what he did. Nick knew he was a spy, did things ultra top secret, but there were times when rules could be partially broken. Times when a man's well being should be held over the government's demands.

Nick turns his brother to face him when he doesn't get an answer.

"Jackson," the CSI pulls out his commanding voice out to snap his brother out of his glazed look. "You are going to tell me what happened and you are going to do it. Right. Now."

Jack stares at his twin, eyes darting in between the mirror of his own, then he nods once, eyes sliding over his brother's shoulders to stare at something only he could see.

"We were on a mission. Mac, he's the kid I told ya about, he succeeded and we were ready to head home. Then this guy," Jack's arms rise to make a gesture of how big the guy was, Nick's hold on his arms stop him from doing it well so he flops them back down. "He comes out of nowhere with Nikki, she's our-WAS our tech support," Jack clears his throat as his eyes water. "Anyway, she's being held by this guy and I tell Mac not to give in, then I get clocked in the head. Lights out."

Nick patiently waits for the rest of the story.

Jack looks down at his socks, one of them has a hole in it and he frowns. "When I come to, the guy and Nikki are gone and Mac is crawling up the river bank, his shoulder bleeding real bad from a gun shot wound."

Nick stays strong as he holds onto his brother who is slowly slumping in his arms.

"Mac told me later that Nikki was shot. She's dead. I couldn't-" In a surprising move, Jack shoves his arms forwards, taking several steps away from his twin as he puts the back of his hand to cover his mouth. The tears in his eyes start trickling down his face as he tries to finish. "I failed my team. Mac, Nikki, they-"

Jack covers his face, his back sliding down the wall as he chokes out a sob.

Nick walks over to his brother and pulls his twin's head into his chest, wrapping one hand over it while the other rests against Jack's back.

"It was my job to protect them," Jack cries into his brother's shirt as a hand comes up to grasp at the material. "I failed. If Mac had died too..."

"Don't think like that, Jack," Nick says soft but firmly. "I know you. You did everything that you could."

"No I didn't," his brother denies viciously. "I didn't check the area as well as I should have! I should have seen the guy who clocked me! I should've-"

Another sob breaks the man's tirade and he pushes his head harder into his brother's chest.

"Mac flat lined, Nick!" Jack sobs as his shoulders shake. "I nearly lost both of them! I still got his blood on the clothes in my bathroom!"

'That explains why you haven't showered.' Nick thinks but he doesn't say it. He holds onto his brother tighter as the man shakes some more. Jack was always the tougher one. He never let anyone push them around when they were kids and he spoke out to anyone when he thought they were doing to the wrong thing.

The man crying in Nick's arms wasn't the same man he talked to over the phone. Nick hadn't seen this version of Jack since the babysitter incident.

The CSI shakes slightly at the memory as he forces it back down. He doesn't need that in his head. He needs to be here for Jack now. He needs to be the stronger one.

Nick waits for his brother to start to calm down before speaking again.

"I know you're the super secret spy and I'm just the lowly CSI," Nick starts quietly, rubbing at his brother's back to ease his breathing. "But even spy's have bad days. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Some of the worst things in life happen by accident or they're just a random occurrence."

"This wasn't random, Nick," Jack rubs at his face but he doesn't try to pull away yet. "This was a mission I failed. This was the bad guys getting one over the good guys."

"Then get the bad guys back," Nick tells his brother. "Don't let them have another victory by letting their one win get you down. Use what you're feeling to go after them harder than you did before. Go in guns blazing. Kick butts, take names. Make them regret ever crossing paths with the likes of Jack Dalton."

"You're a regular cowboy," Jack huffs a short laugh, moving to lean against the wall. Nick pulls back his arms so that they don't get pinned down by his brother.

The twins sit side-by-side on the floor. Jack's head lolls to the side to stare at Nick.

"You gonna get in trouble for leaving work?"

"Nah," Nick shakes his head. "Grissom didn't even argue when I told him I had to go."

"I like the grisly old bear," Jack smiles, it's small, but it's a smile. "Hey, you know what? I think that's what I'm gonna start calling him: Grisly Bear."

"I'm sure that will excite him to no end," Nick says sarcastically as he imagines his boss's reaction to the nickname. It isn't pretty. He stands up and offers his brother his hand.

"Come on, stinky," he says when his brother grabs hold. He pulls his twin to his feet, "Let's get you cleaned up and presentable."

"What for?" Jack asks, but he doesn't try to stop his brother from pushing him towards the bedroom.

"Have you smelt yourself?" Nick huffs a dramatic breath. "Smell's like a dead rat on top of two year old bananas."

"You'd know what that smells like, wouldn't you?" his brother jokes. He stops walking to stare at the master bathroom.

"I'll take care of the clothes," Nick tells him with a pat on the shoulder. "You just pick out some clean things while I do it."

"I can do-" Jack starts to say but his brother puts up his hands to stop him.

"I know you can, big brother," he smiles at the double take he gets for the last two words. "Let me just do it for you, okay? You're no less of a man. You're still brave and tough. I'm just the maid."

"In that case, can you do something about the living room?" Jack motions to said room. "It is a mess."

"Jerk," Nick shakes his head as he heads into the bathroom.

The CSI finds the clothes in the bathtub. They're still slightly soggy and he sees the dried trails of watery blood that had reached towards the drain. His heart aches for his brother's loss as he gets a garbage bag from under the sink to put the clothes in. He makes sure to check the pockets before bagging the clothes. He cleans the tub out next to take care of the red stains, then turns on the water so it will be warm by the time Jack gets in.

Nick holds the bag behind his back as he leaves the bathroom. Jack is staring at a neat pile of clothes on his bed, but he turns to look at his brother when he enters the room. His eyes lock on the object semi-hidden behind his twin's back.

"Get in the shower, Jack," Nick orders him, walking out of the room without so much as a confirming nod. Over his shoulder he adds, "And brush your teeth!"

Nick triple bags the clothes, then walks them all the way to the dumpster outside before starting clean up in the living room.

Nick has the gun reassembled and put away in a drawer, all the garbage taken care of, and is starting on the beer bottle collection when Jack walks back into the room, clean clothes on and a towel around his neck as he rubs his hair dry.

"I was joking about you cleaning up," Jack comments as he surveys what his brother already did.

"I know," Nick shrugs. "But it had to get done and I had nothing else to do while I waiting for you, so."

"Thanks, Nick."

Nick's head snaps up at the soft tone. Jack's eyes are watery again, the grip the man has on his towel looks painful and Nick is worried about his brother breaking down again.

"You take care of me, I take care of you," Nick smiles at him. "It's what brothers do."

Jack nods, a strange sort of smile taking up his face as he tosses the towel back into the bedroom. "Yeah," his voice catches a little. "When we're not trying to kill each other."

"Hey," Nick counters good-naturedly. "you told me that learning how to put a guy in a headlock would be an important skill."

"True, but I didn't mean for you to use it on me."

"Who else was I supposed to use it on? Dad?"

"What about that stuck up guy in your lab?"

"Who? Hodges? He isn't stuck up. He just knows a lot of stuff."

"Ahuh," Jack starts picking up bottles. He lifts one in the air and notices it's half full. When he starts to put it to his lips, Nick lunges for him with a, "No you don't!"

"What?" the agent asks as his drink is taken away. "That thing's still got some stuff in it."

"You have any idea how many insects could have laid their offspring in this?" Nick asks in amazement as he pours the liquid down the drain. "Don't drink anything that's open. You can only keep the closed bottles."

"Yes, mother," Jack grumbles as he starts picking up the rest. He puts the ones with liquid in them on the counter for his brother to drain while putting the empty ones in the box his brother already started.

After all the bottles are taken care of, Nick searches the kitchen for food. He finds a few eggs and toast, so he makes his brother breakfast.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Jack asks after his first mouthful.

"Later," his brother assures him, watching his twin eat. "When you go to sleep, I'll go grocery shopping."

"Sleep?" Jack's brows furrow as he glances at the bright sun shining through his window. "You have any idea what time it is?"

"I don't care," Nick states flatly. "I'm looking at the black indents under your eyes. You need sleep. You're going to sleep."

"Since when are you so bossy?" his brother grumbles as he takes another mouthful of food.

"Since my supposedly 'responsible' brother neglected to follow through with his designated safety message."

"Right," Jack ducks his head as he stabs at the rest of his eggs to get them all on the fork in a final bite. "Forgot about that."

"I realized that," Nick smiles mockingly but he keeps it out of his voice.

"Sorry," his twin mumbles between bites of toast.

All the energy drains from Nick suddenly and he leans against the counter his brother was eating at. He lightly smacks his brother in the shoulder once.

"Hey."

Jack looks up at him. His eyes still look a little lost to Nick. The CSI wishes he could do something for his brother, but whatever the other man was working on was far above his clearance level. All he can really do is be here for him.

"I know life's crappy now," Nick tries to smile reassuringly. "But it'll get better. It always does. You just have to wait for it to happen."

Jack nods, shoving the rest of his toast into his mouth, then downing it with water. It was the only thing other than alcohol Nick could find.

Nick puts the dishes in the sink before rounding the counter to lead his brother back to the bedroom.

"I can walk on my own," Jack protests, lightly tugging on his twin's grip.

"Sort of," Nick allows as they enter the room. The CSI lets go to check the bed for foreign items and the drawers for alcohol. Finding none and noting the bed fairly clean, Jack mustn't have slept in it since returning from his last mission, he points to the bed as he glares at his brother. "Get in and sleep."

"But, Mommy," Jack fake whines as he crosses his arms over his chest. "I wanna drink of water and a story!"

Nick isn't going to let himself be drawn into his brother's antics. Not this time.

He raises and eyebrow, "Do I need to try that headlock thing on you? In your current state, I doubt you'd put up much of a fight."

"You'd choke out your own brother?"

"If it meant he'd sleep? Yes. Yes, I would."

Jack narrows his eyes at his twin, "I don't believe you."

"Fine," Nick starts walking towards him, his arms raised and poised to grab him.

"Okay, I do!" Jack jumps away from him and gets into the bed. Nick continues to glare at him until he pulls the covers over his body.

Nick sits on the bedside table and waits.

Jack turns his head and looks up at his brother.

"You going to stay there until I pass out?"

"Yup."

"That's a little creepy."

Nick shrugs.

"You're such a weird brother."

"I love you too, Jack."

The agent sighs, rolling over to clutch a pillow tightly to his chest.

Right before he falls asleep, Nick hears his brother murmur, "Thanks, Nick."

Nick smiles softly at his brother as his breathing evens out in slumber.

"Anytime, Jack... I'd do anything for you."

Nick waits ten minutes to make sure his brother is deep in sleep before taking his key to buy the groceries he promised. When he returns, Jack is still passed out in the bed.
Nick makes himself comfortable in the lazy boy chair, the bedroom door open so that he can hear the soft snores coming from it.

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