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Wendy trudged up the stairs of her dingy log cabin, threw open her bedroom door, and collapsed on her bed in a heap of angry tears.
Things were not supposed to be this way and she was completely frustrated at herself for letting them go the way they did. This summer was meant to be the best of her life-she'd declared it at the start of Finals week. It was a reward-she'd survived the first year of high school, the classic teenage prison, and she was going to live up every moment of freedom she had. She was stuck amongst the mountain tops and brushed under a glade of evergreen, sure, but there was no limit to adventure if you wanted it bad enough.
Wendy was also not prone to sadness. Optimism was something she held onto, even if she was a realist and a cynic on occasion. She smiled-a lot-and even the closest of her friends would tell you that she was not a person who was easily shaken.
As she laid there in a disgusting heap of teenage angst, her face buried in the covers of her comforter, she desperately tried to ask herself where things went wrong. Was it the clothes she'd chosen to wear? The music she'd gotten into? Was it the fact that she only took on the absolute lowest-paying of summer jobs, or the new friends she'd made? Wendy was making total bullshit up at this point, shuffling through excuses in her head to avoid that stupid name, seeing his dumb face, hearing his dumb voice but-
She slipped, and remembered, and more sobs caught in her throat.
Robbie.
How much of a mistake was he, she wondered. When did she seal her fate? Was it on the way home from the Dusk2Dawn, when the twins had been dropped off, and Robbie crawled into the back seat and fell asleep on her? She recalled in that instant how aware she became of her own breathing, how her cheeks flushed and she held back a smile and gently placed her hand on his only when she was sure that he had fallen asleep. Was it that night at the party when everything seemed to be separating them, and he whispered dumb jokes into her ear while she playfully batted at his chest? The way his hands always shook when he held hers, especially the day they got together, and how this boy who acted so confident on the surface completely fell apart when he was with her? Did it go further back than that, she wondered-to the days in middle school when she and Robbie were the best of friends, completely inseparable?
She couldn't pinpoint precisely when the butterflies that inevitably inhabited his stomach cascaded out through his eyes and voice and presence and made a comfortable living inside of her, too. But Wendy wondered if it would have been better to not love Robbie at all.
She suddenly caught herself, ashamed that she would even think that. Robbie was special, no matter what happened, and she couldn't imagine how boring her life would be without him being there to take care of her all those years. The redhead sucked back mucus and tried to wipe her eyes but still the tears kept coming.
Wendy was not a pushover-if she caught a whiff of anything resembling a guy not good enough for her, she let them know. But she was starting to wonder, maybe, if she'd made a horrible mistake here. Could she have not sat him down, told him she deserved more respect, and give him a chance to change? She knew Robbie was a total jerk on the outside, but she had seen, time and time again, that inside that jerk was a heart of gold, and suddenly she was cold at the thought of anyone else being close enough to him to see that.
She stumbled to the window, opened it wide, and let the warm air of the summer night filter into her room. With a lasting gaze at the stars above her, she sat down at her computer and ignored the 17 calls and counting that were resonating from her phone.
Robbie forgot what it was like to move.
There were slim slabs of meat attached to his lower torso-what were those? Legs? He remembered legs. What were they for again? Was there ever a time in his life where he did anything besides what he was doing now-crying like an infant in a cocoon of blankets? He vaguely remembered movement, somewhere in his distant past.
I'm not being over-dramatic, he noted to his conscience. Fuck off.
Clenching his teeth, he choked out more unattractive crying. Trying to retain any dignity he had left became futile when he started making whimpering noises like a puppy that lost it's owner, and he scrunched the blankets even tighter around him.
He fucked up. He fucked up so bad. There was literally no fuck up badder than how badly he had just fucked up, and he had no idea what to do. He'd worn down the binary on his saddest MP3s in less than an hour, scribbled out multiple apology notes onto a notebook full of doodles, and sent far too many texts and calls than humanly possible. He'd lost her, he'd lost the actual love of his life, and what made things even shittier was he'd pretty sure he'd lost his best friend, too.
This sulking thing was making him too stir crazy, but when he finally allowed himself to leave the house and walk through the town, he was only further reminded of the things he'd lost. The graveyard had been his happy place since he'd set foot in this town, and now he gazed at it longingly and only saw the night he let down his guard and took Wendy there. It poured down rain, and they caught frogs under the tree in the center and kissed in the pouring rain, a beacon of light amongst the decay around them. They both caught colds and holed themselves up inside Robbie's mansion playing TF2 and eating soup and drinking cocoa, and Robbie couldn't remember a time where he was ever more content.
He had let her into a place where he went when the world had walked out on him, and now that she was gone, his one solace was tarnished. The teen angrily kicked a rock and sulked past more places, picturing happier times.
The lot by the Shack, where he'd finally gathered the courage to ask her out. He squinted it out of his peripheral vision, hoping to god he could forget. The Shack itself was bursting with life at this time of night, and he wondered if Dipshit was in there celebrating his victory.
Whatever, kid, you won. You broke up two people with great potential, just because you could.
Robbie remembered the road in the main town where the annual parade had been held, and how him and Wendy were younger and how she'd kissed his cheek after he gave her his hoodie to keep her warm. He'd walk past the Dusk2Dawn and remember the night that Wendy forced him to sneak back in and how they spent the night talking about life and learning about each other. That's where they had their first kiss, where he'd realized he was actually in love with her, and oh god--
He couldn't deal anymore. The boy fell to the dirt and pounded it with his fists, letting out a raspy scream in the deserted parking lot, vomiting verbal pain onto the pavement, bruising and bloodying the ends of his fists. He screamed his heart out, until all the hurt he'd kept inside had taken to the air and danced for the trees, until his voice gave out and his throat was raw from the truth.
When shallow breaths came back to him, he snapped his eyes open, blinked back more tears, and stood there, staring at the concrete for what felt like decades. Inside of him, something was burning, and he realized it was something completely different-purpose.
Shuffling to his feet, he ran home, threw open his door, and picked up his notebook again. He wasn't giving up. Not like this.
The black pen bled out chickenscratch onto lined paper, and he didn't let himself get distracted by the tear stains blurring the ink and turning the words tragic. He smiled through them. He refused to lose Wendy.
Fingertips fell across the keys and Wendy typed a few more disenchanted words to Tambry over skype. She didn't want to talk about this, in every sense of the phrase, but the purple-clad gossip fiend had a way of getting the words out of her. She wouldn't deny it was making her feel a little better, but there was still a burning hole in the center of her chest that refused to leave, and she was still holding back what tears she had left. Nervously rubbing her arm, she sent a goodbye to Tambry and stumbled back onto her bed. She rolled over, wrapping her arms around one of the several plushies littering her bed, and tried to block out any thoughts that might come to her.
The teen reached for her phone and hesitantly ran through all the texts. Every last one of them apologetic novels that she couldn't read to the end before her vision started to blur again with tears. Maybe ignoring him was a bad idea, she pondered-she started to grow increasingly worried that he'd do something stupid. Robbie was good at that.
She set the phone down, and before she could lose herself to more pessimistic thoughts, a wobbly paper airplane shot through her window and straight into her wall.
Wendy jumped instinctively, ready to kick some ass, then loosened her stance and tilted her head as she watched the object topple to the ground. She curiously raised an eyebrow and picked the treasure up, unfolding it and reading the barely-legible words that were housed within.
Wendy-
Look, I know I'm bad with words. I always have been, you've known that since you first met me. And I really don't have a lot to say for myself-there's nothing that can excuse the fact that I've been a total shithead. But there are so many things I never got to tell you, so much crap that I still am looking forward to doing with you, and I swear I'd get on my knees and beg you in an instant, Wendy. I'm sorry I lied. I wanted to impress you, but I realized that even though I like to make everyone think I'm the shit, I'm really not. Nothing about me is original, and all the personality I have, I only made because I wanted you to notice me. This sounds so sappy and dumb and I swear if it was anyone else I wouldn't even bother-but you're special, you've always been the person I'm the most *me* around, and I'm a total asshole for retreating back into my dumb shell when I was finally getting to know you. I'm sorry for all the lies, babe, I don't know why I'm like this-but if I'm going to change for anyone, it's going to be you.
She read across the last couple words and felt her breath catch in her throat.
I love you to hell and back, Wendy. I'm so sorry.
~Robbie
Before she could think, or react, or even let herself start crying again, there was a gentle sound of acoustic chords being hit in the night air outside her window, and she nearly dropped the letter. He didn't.
Precariously, she trod toward the open window, and there he was-Robbie, in what little dignity was left of him, sitting on the stump outside and serenading her. The song was familiar, one he had for sure not written himself, but she beamed nonetheless, knowing he had picked it for a reason.
"Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away,
now it looks as though they're here to stay
oh, I believe in yesterday...
Suddenly I'm not half the man I used to be
there's a shadow hanging over me,
yesterday came suddenly..."
Tears welled up in her eyes and she held back the urge to chuckle at how awkwardly Robbie's voice translated into this style of music. He was no Paul McCartney, but his intentions were absolutely heartwarming.
"Why she had to go, I don't know, she wouldn't say
I said something wrong
now I long for yesterda-a-aa-ay;
yesterday love was such an easy game to play
now I need a place to hide away
oh, I believe in yesterday..."
He ran through the chorus, his voice shaking along with his hands as they messily hit strings of an instrument he so rarely gave attention to, and when it ceased he gently hummed the lyrics to an end, opening his big blue eyes and staring up at the girl in the window. The light of her room formed a halo, sainting her in the dark of the night, and she smiled down at him.
"Wherefore art thou, asswipe."
Robbie scratched the back of his head and dropped his gaze toward the ground. "But soft, what light through yonder window-fuck! I didn't pay attention in English class, Wendy."
"You didn't learn anything from copying off me?"
"I learned you missed out on the 'perfect girly handwriting' gene that everyone suddenly got in the 5th grade."
"Step off, dude." She laughed. "Were you just playing the fucking Beatles?"
"Y-Yeah..."
"On acoustic? I thought you hated acoustic. What do you call it? 'Grandpa's Guitars'?"
"It's... one of your favourite bands, and..." He kicked another rock. "You, uh... when we first met, it was the only song I could play that you knew, so... it's the first song we ever heard together? I dunno, it's special."
"You... remembered that? But you have a horrible memory."
"Yeah, but... not when I'm with you?" He countered. "Look, I got more, uh... 'Something in the way she moves, attracts me like no other lover, something in the way she woos me-I don't want to leave her now...'"
Wendy smiled down at him again and leaned on the palms of her hands, listening to him mess up the lyrics and fumble the chords before they were both laughing at each other and suddenly a lot less heavy in disposition.
Robbie leaned his guitar against the stump and stood up. "Hey, Wendy, could we talk down here?"
"That's against tradition, Romeo."
"I know, but I think you need to."
Need to. Pfft. She remained on her toes, but figured this was it. She would trust him, but after this, nothing. Slowly, she nodded and made her way downstairs, opening the door. He shuffled uncomfortably and she shut it behind them until they were standing on her porch, face to face.
"Hi." He said.
"Hi." She grinned back.
"I'm a piece of shit and I lied to you a lot."
"Damn straight." She responded.
"But, uhh..." He swallowed, and brought his gaze to her. "I want you to look into my eyes right now and tell me I'm lying when I say what I'm about to."
"Try me."
"I'm sorry."
She bit the inside of her cheek, then reluctantly raised her eyes to his, peering into him.
"I'll never do anything like this to you again, Wendy."
Robbie eyes never left hers, and she could see how they were bloodshot and worn from a night of crying until his head pulsed with pain. Her forest green eyes were a mirror image of his, wrecked with the impact of teenage angst, and he wanted to die knowing that he was the one who did this to her. Though they were broken, Wendy could see a light in him, and so she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed, hanging onto him for dear life. His arms eased into the curve of her back and he tried not to cry.
Then she said something that had the boy floored.
"I love you too, Robbie."
He blinked. "You do?"
She nodded into his chest, and near whimpered, and kept holding on. "I always loved you the most. I don't know why it took so long to realize it."
He swallowed, and nervously broke the embrace to look at her face again.
"I think we should stay together."
She sucked in a breath. "You think?"
"I'll... be better," He said. "For you. I promise. If I'm not, you can walk away again, and, like... I can't promise I won't chase after you, Wendy... but I don't think you'll have to."
Wendy's sobs broke into incredulous laughs, and she laced her fingers with his, looking down and closing her eyes.
"I hope you know I wouldn't fucking do this for anyone else, Robert."
He winced. "I'll be sure to make the best of every second, Gwendolyn."
She punched him-hard-in the stomach, and he wheezed in pain. "Okay, got it, touchy!"
Robbie choked out some laughs and Wendy did the same and before any more words could be exchanged she pulled his chin toward her and kissed him, holding him there for what seemed like forever and feeling that sinkhole in her heart slowly sew itself up.
They broke apart, and he shyly looked into her expression. "So... we're fine, right? You and me?"
She didn't hesitate. "Yes."
"And, uh... what's this thing we have, are we like... dating, or..."
"I'll be your girlfriend a little while longer, Robbie."
The ravenette grinned so big his cheeks hurt (something he did often when he was with Wendy) and pulled her back into his arms, beaming with a joy only she ever got to see. She was proud of that much.
"You're great, Wendy."
She closed her eyes and laid her head down on his chest again, drinking in his heartbeat like an audiophile and never letting go of him. "You're an idiot, Robbie."
"I'm yours, though."
She didn't know if he had heard her whisper "Always and forever."