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Chapter Text

Prologue: Learn to be Lonely

Child of the wilderness

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Spring 1982

Remus groaned and rested his head on his folded arms.  The chatter of the Great Hall this morning was just too much.  His skull felt like it was splitting open and he was sure that his brain was leaking out through his ears. 

“You alright there, Moony?” asked James softly, his hazel eyes full of concern.  Remus simply groaned and attempted to bury his face further into the wooden table.

                “Full moon tonight,” said Regina sagely from across the table, her cocoa eyes filled with sympathy for her friend.  Regina Jordan was one of both Remus and Lily’s best friends.  She was a tall girl with creamy chocolate skin and raven colored hair, which she often wore pulled back in a single French braid.  She was kind and gentle, deemed the ‘Momma Bear’ of Gryffindor by, well, pretty much everyone who knew her.  Remus didn’t know what he’d do without her sometimes, really.

                “Oh, right,” said James, smiling sadly at his werewolf cousin.  “Anything I can do, Moony?”

                “Get Sirius to shut the hell up, please,” he groaned out.  “He’s like a bloody banshee this morning.”

                “He’s always like this,” said Regina, “you’re just usually too nice to say anything.”

                Remus groaned again and James began to gently massage his friend’s temples.  “You wanna head to class early?” he asked softly.  “I’ll make your excuses for you if you need to get out of here.”

                “Thanks, Prongs,” said Remus, giving the raven-haired teen a small smile.  “I think I just might take you up on that.”

Born into emptiness

                Moony ran through the trees, his strange little pack by his side.  His tongue lolled out the side of his mouth as he panted heavily.  Occasionally he would stop his pack mates with a sharp bark so that they could join him in howling at the moon.  Padfoot was best at it, after him.  Prongs’ howls were more like bays and Wormtail could only ever manage a series of pitiful squeaks.  Moony was Alpha here, both protector and leader.  Prongs and Padfoot sometimes liked to herd him, as though they were the ones in charge, and often times Moony indulged them.  It was harmless fun at best, so long as they didn’t forget who was really in charge.  A slight change in the wind wafted a tantalizing smell past Moony’s sensitive nose.  The werewolf yowled at his pack and abruptly changed direction.  There was rabbit to be hunted tonight.

Learn to be lonely

                Remus floated on the edge of consciousness, his whole body distantly throbbing with pain.  He knew that last night had been a full moon, but something seemed off.  Ever since his friends had started joining him as anamagi, he’d been less prone to self-inflicted injuries as the wolf.  Why then, he wondered, did he feel like he’d gotten mauled by a hippogriff?

                “Remus?”  He groaned at the familiar voice, finding himself unable to form words.  “Madam Pomfrey, he’s waking up!”

                “Wuz goin’ on?” Remus asked thickly.  His mouth was dry, his eyelids felt heavy, and his brain felt like it was made of cotton.

                “Shh, Remus, don’t strain yourself; you’ve had a rough night.”  Remus vaguely recognized the voice as that of his friend Regina, who had recently started apprenticing with the school’s healer, Madam Pomfrey.

                “‘M I in th’ hos’tal wing ‘gin?”

                “I’m afraid so, Mr. Lupin,” said Madam Pomfrey, bustling into view and expertly waving her wand over the boy in the hospital bed.

                “Wuh happ’n’d?” he asked, blinking his amber eyes lethargically as he fought to stay conscious.

                “Shh, go back to sleep, Remus,” said Regina, gently stroking his tawny hair.  “Don’t worry about anything right now; just focus on feeling better.”

                “Did you tell him?” Remus heard another familiar voice say (James, he thought) as he drifted back to sleep, his mind filled with worry and fear.

Learn to find your way in darkness

                “I can’t believe you!” shouted Remus, enraged.  “How could you do this to me?  I thought you were my friend!”

                “I am your friend, Moony!” insisted Sirius, a pleading look in his grey eyes.

                “No,” snarled Remus, amber eyes flashing.  “Friends don’t do things like that to one another.  You could have made me into a murderer, Black.  If something had happened to Snape, you would have gotten off scot-free and I’d have gotten a silver bullet to my brain!”

                “Please, Remus,” begged Sirius, “if you’d just let me explain—”

                “No!” snapped Remus.  “I’m tired of your excuses!  You almost killed two people last night, one of them being someone you claim as your friend.  I can’t trust you anymore, Black.  I’m not even sure I can stand to be around you right now.”

                “But—”

                “Leave it, Sirius,” said James, tugging the taller boy away from Remus.  “You’ve done enough.”  He pushed Sirius out of the dorm and shut the door behind him.

                “Thanks James,” said Remus, plopping down on his bed and winding his fingers into his shaggy hair.  “I just can’t deal with him right now.”

                “I know, Rem,” said James, sitting down beside him and slinging his arm over his shoulders.  “Pete was supposed to be watching; he was supposed to let me know if Sirius when Sirius was headed up to the dorm.”

                Remus sighed.  “I know I can’t avoid him forever,” he said, “but he really hurt me, James.  He was my best friend; I trusted him and he betrayed me!”

                “I understand and I’m on your side, Rem,” said James soothingly.  “I’m just saying it’s going to be really hard to avoid him completely, seeing as we all sleep in the same dorm room.  Pete and I’ll do our best to help you avoid him, but we’re no miracle workers here.”

Who will be there for you

                “You’re not coming with us.”

                Sirius scoffed.  “Of course I am, Prongs,” he said, lazing nonchalantly on his bed.  “I wouldn’t miss the fun for the world.  Besides, we all know that it’s not a Marauders’ party without me.”

                “This isn’t a party we’re talking about here,” said James sharply, “or has it escaped your notice that one of our best mates spends one night a month having his body completely—painfully—rearranged not once, but twice in a single twelve hour period.”

                Sirius schooled his face into blankness and rolled his eyes.  “Don’t be such a killjoy, Prongs,” he said.  “Lighten up.”

                “Lighten up?” snapped James, hazel eyes narrowing sharply behind wire frames.  “You need to get your priorities sorted out, mate.  Until then, I think it’s best if you stay away during tonight’s full—for Moony’s sake and yours.”

Comfort and care for you

                “You daft wanker,” snapped James as Sirius emerged from the secret tunnel into the Shrieking Shack, “did you even listen to a single word I said?”

                “Oh come on,” said the taller teen.  “I didn’t think you were Sirius. That’s my job.”  He paused for effect.  “Get it?  Sirius?”

                “Yeah, I get it,” snapped James.  “That joke was old by the second week of first year, Sirius.  Now, let’s get back to what the bloody hell you’re doing here.”

                “It’s the full moon,” said Sirius.  “Where else would I be?”

                “Back in our dorm where I told you to stay,” snapped James.  He glanced upstairs where Remus and Peter were waiting.  “This is not going to end well,” he sighed, “but it’s too late for you to head back.”  The first shrieks of the night had already begun as Remus’ bones and organs shifted and broke.  “C’mon, wolf-bait,” James said, resigned, “let’s see if we can keep both you and Moony alive til moonset.”

Learn to be lonely

                In his attempts to keep Moony and Padfoot apart, Prongs had accidentally allowed Moony to slip past his defenses and run unchecked into the Forbidden Forest.  He snorted angrily at Padfoot, shoving him with his antlers (but still being careful not to pierce his side) and (Wormtail atop his head) galloping after their wayward werewolf friend.  He didn’t bother to wait and see if Padfoot would follow him, more concerned with making sure that Moony wouldn’t do something he would regret come moonset.

                Prongs eventually caught up to Moony deep in the Forbidden Forest when the werewolf stopped at a small lake for a drink.  The stag inched forward as quietly as he could, so as not to startle his friend.  He could tell by the twitch of his ears that Moony could smell him and Wormtail, but since he made no move he knew that the werewolf recognized them as pack.  Prongs was just inches from the wolf when Moony’s head shot up and he bared his teeth, growling low in his throat.  The stag turned his majestic head toward a low whining noise and saw Padfoot skulking at the edge of the tree line.  Moony crouched down, ready to pounce on Padfoot.  Prongs bunched his muscles, prepared to intervene.

                A horn, clear and loud, sounded through the Forbidden Forest, making all four Marauders stop dead still.  There was something strange, almost otherworldly, about the sound and it called to them all, but Moony most of all.  The werewolf let out a howl of joy and turned to bound off toward the sound, Padfoot right on his heels.  Prongs, still carrying Wormtail, felt he had no choice but to follow after them.  He galloped after the canines and watched with awe as they disappeared from sight between two skinny trees that were bent together to form an archway.  Snorting in frustration, Prongs and Wormtail loyally followed behind.

Learn to be your own companion

Chapter Text

Chapter 1: I Dreamed a Dream

I dreamed a dream in times gone by

                Prongs stared in wonder at the strange sight in front of him.  What he had sworn was more trees had suddenly changed into the ruins of what must have once been a majestic castle.  He turned and looked behind him to find that the strange tree archway was nowhere to be found—neither were Moony and Padfoot. His panic lessened only slightly when Wormtail let out a squeak of surprise, alerting the stag that he was still safely perched in his antlers.  He brayed loudly, calling out to his pack-mates, but received no response.  With their friends nowhere in sight, Prongs did the only thing he could think of and took off with Wormtail into the ruins.

When hope was high and life worth living

                Prongs stopped dead still when he found himself with an arrow pointed at his head.  The girl holding the bow, a dark-haired beauty, seemed just as surprised as he was.  “It’s just a stag,” she said as she lowered her bow.

                Prongs snorted.  “Just a stag?” he said indignantly.  “I am not just a stag.”  It took him a minute to realize that he had spoken human words.

                “Oh, I’m sorry,” said the girl sheepishly.  “I didn’t realize you were a talking stag.”

                “A talking—Merlin’s saggy balls, I’m talking!”

                The girl eyed him quizzically.  “That’s generally what happens with talking animals,” she said.  “Why does this surprise you so?”

                “We’re not talking animals, whatever that is,” squeaked Wormtail, peeking his head out from where he’d hidden behind Prongs’ ear, “we’re animagi.”

                The girl started.  “Oh, I didn’t see you there Mr. Rat; I’m sorry.  Pray tell, what is an animagi?  I’m afraid I’m not familiar with the term.”

                Prongs snorted and Wormtail nipped his ear back in a form of silent communication they’d developed for their full moon romps.  “We’ll show you,” said Prongs.  “Please step back.”

I dreamed that love would never die

                Wormtail scurried off Prongs’ head and in a blink, both transformed back into their human selves.  The girl barely even batted an eye, though James did notice her hand twitching on her bow.  “Well,” she said, “that’s something I’ve not seen before.  I assume there’s a story behind this; why don’t you come back to our campsite with me and tell us the tale?  My sister and brothers will be worrying for me soon; I’ve been gone too long.”

                The boys followed the pretty girl through the ruins until they finally reaching a softly burning fire where two boys and a young girl sat roasting apples on sharpened sticks.  “Susan!” cried the small, brunette girl.  She dropped her stick and jumped up to greet the older girl.  “You’ve been gone for so long!  We saved you some food.”

                “Thank you, Lucy,” the older girl said.  “I hope you saved plenty because I’ve brought us a couple of guests.”

I dreamed that God would be forgiving

                “Come, join us for supper,” offered the taller boy, his blonde hair glinting gold in the firelight.  “It’s not much, but we will gladly share what we have with you.”

                “Thanks,” said James, sitting down opposite the blonde boy, Pete close behind.  “I’m James Potter and this is Peter Pettigrew.  Do you mind telling us where we are?”

                “You’re in Narnia,” said the small, brunette girl, “in the ruins of what was once Cair Paravel.  I’m Lucy Pevensie.”

                “I’m Peter, the eldest Pevensie,” said the blonde boy, his voice majestic and strong.

                “I’m Edmund Pevensie,” said the dark-haired boy, eying James and Pete warily.

                “I’m Susan Pevensie,” said the brunette girl who had first found them.  “I’m terribly sorry I didn’t introduce myself sooner; that was rude of me.”

                “That’s quite alright,” said James.  “Pete and I sort of surprised you with the whole animagi thing.”

                “You haven’t seen anyone else wandering around here?” asked Pete.  “We were following our friends when we ended up here and we haven’t seen any sign of them since we crossed through the doorway.”

Then I was young and unafraid

                “You got here through a doorway?” said Edmund, his dark eyes piercing into Pete’s soul and making him shift uncomfortably.

                “Yeah,” said James.  “We were chasing our friends through the Forbidden Forest and there were these two trees that kind of grew together into a weird arch and when they passed through, they disappeared.”

                “So naturally you passed through after them,” said Lucy, a merry twinkle in her blue-gray eyes.

                “Of course,” said James, his lips twitching into a smile.  “What else were we supposed to do?”

And dreams were made and used and wasted

                “Seems a bit reckless, following your friends into the unknown,” said Edmund, his face blank.

                “That’s what friendship’s all about, Ed,” said Lucy brightly.  “Or have you forgotten the last time we were here?”

                Edmund blushed in shame.  “No,” he said.  “You’re right, Lu, I shouldn’t go jumping to conclusions.”

                “So where are you from, anyway,” asked Peter, shifting the subject away from potentially dangerous territory.  “You don’t seem to be from around here.”
                “Oh, we’re not,” said Pete.  “We from Ho—”

                “—ooome in Scotland, which is where we go to school, so it’s more like home away from home really,” said James, narrowing his eyes at his pudgy friend from behind his rectangular lenses.

                “R-right, what he said,” said Pete, twitching nervously.             

There was no ransom to be paid

                Peter eyed them suspiciously, but a soft nudge and gentle look from Lucy made him relax.  “We’re not from here either,” he admitted.  “At least not originally, though we have been here before.”

                “We’re from London,” said Susan.  “The four of us were actually at the station waiting to board our trains back to school when we were called here.”

                “Called?” asked James curiously.  “How do you mean?”

                “Susan’s horn called us here,” explained Lucy.  “It was a gift, long ago, from Father Christmas himself and he promised that help would always come to those who needed it when they blew it.  We’ve yet to figure out who needs our help here, though.  You’re the first sentient beings we’ve come across so far.”

No song unsung, no wine untasted

                James’ face fell. “So you haven’t seen our friends, then,” he said.  “I was hoping…”

                Lucy lay a small hand gently on his knee.  “I’m sorry James.  We’ll help you look for them, won’t we?”  She looked to her siblings and—after a brief moment of hesitation from the boys—they all nodded in agreement.

                “How are we supped to find them when we have no idea where they are—or where we are, for that matter?” asked Pete timidly.

                “Did we mention this isn’t our first trip here?” said Edmund.  “Though some things seem to have changed a bit since last time…”

                “Don’t worry, James,” said Susan, placing a comforting hand on the crestfallen teen’s shoulder, “we promised to help you find your friends—and we will.”

                “What are their names?” asked Peter.  “We should probably know in case we have to split up and ask for help.”

                “Their names,” said James, “are Remus Lupin and Sirius Black.”

X XXX

But the tigers come at night

                Padfoot skidded to a halt to avoid running into Moony, who had stopped abruptly as soon as he had passed through the tree archway.  His sharp claws skittered on stone and he yipped in surprise to find that they were in the courtyard of what appeared to be a bustling castle patrolled by old-fashioned knights.  Surprisingly, instead of attacking them, Moony whimpered and seemed to shrink in on himself.  It wasn’t until he noticed the shaking that Padfoot realized what was going on; Moony was transforming back into Remus.  To top it all off, they had definitely been noticed and a cadre of knights was cautiously, but quickly approaching.  Giving into his animal instincts, Padfoot did what his doggie brain told him; he turned and ran, straight out of the castle gates and off into the thick woods.

With their voices soft as thunder

                Padfoot didn’t stop running until he could no longer see the spires of the castle off in the distance.  Once he reached that point, he stopped, panting, as what he’d done hit him like a ton of bricks.  For the second time, he’d betrayed his best friend.  He glanced back in the direction he’d come from and he swore he could still hear Moony’s cries of pain as his body broke and rearranged itself once again.  He took a cautious step forward, but the canine part of his brain was still in command and it was screaming at him to stay far away from that dark castle.

As they tear your hope apart

                His human brain screaming insults at him, Padfoot turned once more and headed deeper into the dense, unfamiliar forest.  He tried not to think too much about what he’d just done to his friend.  Instead, he buried his emotions deep down and pushed himself to run faster deep into the trees.  He wasn’t sure if he imagined it or not, but he swore he could still hear Moony’s howls turning to screams of pain as he disappeared into the dark woods.

As they turn your dreams to shame