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Ryan hated history. It was a pointless subject, full of random dates and facts to remember, and honestly, he couldn’t care less. The teacher, Mrs Denver, tried her hardest to make the lessons interesting, but however hard he tried, he could never concentrate. No, his eyes were always directed at the ceiling, or out the window, or at the adorable face of the boy sat three rows in front and one seat to the left of him.
Not that Ryan thought Brendon was cute or anything – in fact, he was the most annoying person Ryan had had the misfortune of meeting. He was good at history, and he knew it. Ryan often wondered if his abnormally large forehead somehow gave him extra room in his brain to remember all these endless facts, which made Spencer roll is eyes and ask why he even cared. Which he didn’t. Obviously.
So when Mrs Denver announced to the class that they would be doing group projects, Ryan was filled with both reluctance and excitement. Being partnered with Brendon would mean he would have to put up with unbearable amounts of chatter, but he would also get to know the other boy better – and, of course, it would be easier to complete the project with someone who actually knew what they were doing.
“Are you listening, Mr Ross?” Mrs Denver’s shrill voice pierced through Ryan’s thoughts, and he looked up sheepishly.
“Yes, ma’am,” he replied quickly, and she looked as him disbelievingly.
“Good. I was just about to announce the partnerships for our project, and you may as well go first.” She looked down at a piece of paper in her hand, then back up at him. “Your partner is Jon Walker,” she said, gesturing to the seemingly asleep boy in front of her, head resting on his folded arms. Upon hearing his name, Jon raised his head and grinned blearily at Ryan, who smiled back. He felt Spencer tense beside him, and fought back a laugh. Spencer had been pining endlessly over Jon Walker for months, so, while Ryan was slightly disappointed not to get Brendon or Spencer, he was also pleased; perhaps this would give him the opportunity to set them up once and for all.
Spencer elbowed him hard in the ribs and Ryan jumped, scowling. “What?” he hissed.
“Did you not hear what she just said?” Spencer whispered back, raising his eyebrows. Ryan shook his head, and Spencer continued; “I got your boy Urie. Looks like we’re even.” He winked, and Ryan reddened.
“He’s not my anything,” he grumbled.
“Who’s not your anything?” A new voice asked, and Ryan’s eyes widened.
“Hey, Brendon,” he stammered, cheeks turning darker. Brendon beamed back, making Ryan’s heart clench. “I should probably…” he nodded towards Jon as he stood, who seemed once again to have fallen asleep.
“Catch you later,” Brendon called over his shoulder, then took Ryan’s seat and settled down next to Spencer.
Shaking any residual thoughts of Brendon from his mind, Ryan walked across the room to where Jon was sat and gently shook his shoulder. “Hey, man, you awake?”
Jon groaned. “Yeah, sorry. Late night.” He then looked up and grinned when he realised who was speaking. “Ross, how’s it going? How’s-” He glanced over his shoulder, blushing slightly. “-Spencer?” He finished, lowering his voice.
“Oh, Spencer is great. He said to ask how you are, too.”
Jon reddened further. “He did?” he squeaked, sitting up. “I mean, great.”
Ryan grinned. This was going to be fun.
-
Spencer and Ryan were sat on the former’s bed, and Ryan was considering banging his head repetitively in the hope he would be spared from this conversation.
“You really think he likes me?” Spencer asked for the fourth time, and the other boy sighed.
“No, Spence, I’m just making it all up because I think it’ll be funny.” Spencer’s eyes widened, and Ryan felt like screaming. “Fuck, Spencer, I’m joking. Yes, I think he likes you, are you satisfied now?”
The other boy ducked his head as he blushed. “Sorry, I just can’t believe that-“ He caught the look Ryan was giving him and stopped, looking down again. “Sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologise, I’m happy for you,” Ryan said, rolling across his bed closer to Spencer. “Now all you have to do is ask him out.”
There was a pause. “Ask him out?” Spencer eventually repeated, his voice comically high pitched.
“Well, of course. What else were you going to do? Keep staring at him from across the room and hope he might make the first move? Not gonna happen, Smith.”
“And what about you with Brendon?” Spencer countered, pushing himself up onto his elbows.
“That’s- that’s not the same and you know it.” Ryan punched his best friend and rolled over onto his back. “I don’t know,” he admitted, and heard Spencer sigh.
“You really like him, don’t you?”
Ryan shrugged. “He’s an annoying smartass with stupid hair and too much energy.”
“…but you like him.” Spencer concluded.
“I don’t know,” Ryan said again. “He has a nice face, and even though it’s annoying how much he talks, his voice is kinda hot.” Spencer groaned in frustration, and Ryan poked him. “This is exactly how I feel when you talk about Jon, so you can hardly complain. Besides, at least we know Jon is into dudes; Brendon could be the straightest person on the planet-“
“Honey, have you seen the way he dresses? There’s no way that boy is straight.”
“Spencer,” Ryan scolded indignantly. “You can’t stereotype someone from how they dress.”
Spencer snorted. “Sorry, but we are talking about the boy who wore the same pink hoodie every day for a month last semester, and who wears jeans so tight you can practically see if he’s circumcised.” His phone chimed, and he rolled over to see who it was. “Talk of the devil…” he murmured, and Ryan sat up.
“Brendon?” He asked, then flushed at how desperate he sounded.
Spencer cringed too. “You’re such an idiot,” he said, then looked back at his phone. “Yes, it’s Brendon. Asking when I’m free to do the stupid history project.”
"And what are you saying?" Ryan asked, craning his neck to try and see Spencer's screen.
"Relax, dude, I'm just answering his question." Spencer placed his phone on the pillow next to him as he waited for a reply, chuckling as Ryan began to fidget. "Sit still, jeez. What's the matter with you?"
Luckily, Ryan was saved by a soft knock at the door. "Hi boys," Spencer's mom said cheerily, entering the room. "Do I have one son to feed this evening or two?"
The two boys looked at each other and both shrugged. “I can stay, if you don't mind," Ryan said, and she beamed.
"Of course not. It's a pleasure to have you here. Now, don't tell me the two of you are just sat here. Spencer, you're not being a very good host. Ryan, dear, would you like to watch a movie? Do you have a drink? There are cookies downstairs if you're hungry."
"Mom," Spencer groaned, shooting a look at Ryan, who was trying not to laugh.
"Cookies sound good, don't they Spence?"
Spencer's mom smiled. "They're on the kitchen bench, freshly baked. Take as many as you can eat." With that, she retreated, closing the door behind her.
"God, she's a nightmare," Spencer said, but Ryan shook his head.
"Come on, I want cookies."
Spencer grabbed his phone from the bed beside him and heaved himself up, following Ryan downstairs into the kitchen. They were immediately rewarded with the rich, warm smell of freshly baked cookies, and Ryan's mouth was watering before he had even picked up his first.
"Mmmnf sh deliciouff," he exclaimed, spraying crumbs across the surface, then swallowed. "This is delicious," he repeated, this time much clearer, and jumped up to sit on the counter, swinging his legs in delight.
"You're such a child sometimes."
"And people say I'm cynical," Ryan muttered. He picked up another cookie, then turned to his best friend again. "Did Brendon reply?"
Spencer glanced at his phone. "Yes, he said 'your best friend is so hot I love him and want to have his babies.'"
"Not funny," Ryan glared. "What did he actually say?"
“Nothing important." He waved his hand dismissively. "What film do you want to watch?”
-
Ryan soon discovered that being paired with Jon Walker was more difficult and frustrating than anticipated. Jon was obviously pining over Spencer just as much as Spencer was pining over him, but neither would ask the other out, no matter how hard Ryan tried to get it through their thick skulls that their feelings were returned, damnit, and there was no way in hell they would be rejected. Moreover, Spencer and Brendon”s partnership was much less eventful than he had hoped it would be; they had only seen each other once when Brendon had arrived early at Spencer’s. The three of them had chilled together until the end of the film Ryan and Spencer had been watching, then Ryan quickly excused himself and left them to it, ignoring the longing feeling in his chest telling him to stay.
But, Ryan concluded, things could have been worse. Jon and Spencer were talking a little more now, which was a step in the right direction. If his love life wasn’t going great, he could at least be happy for his best friend. And he was, especially on Monday morning when he was surprised to see Jon hanging around by Spender’s locker, trying to look casual. Ryan detoured down a side corridor, not wanting to interrupt, and watched as Spencer arrived, eyes slightly wide and cheeks flushed.
The longer he observed, the more he felt as if he was prying, so Ryan backed away down the corridor, bumping unexpectedly into something, or someone, stood directly behind him. Both of them went flying to the floor. Wincing as he gingerly bent his wrist, he heard the other person swear softly and looked around to see none other than Brendon Urie.
"Is your wrist okay?" Brendon asked, eyes filled with concern. "I'm sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going, I should have-“
“It’s okay, it was my fault. I wasn’t looking where I was going.” Ryan sat unmoving for a moment, staring at their tangled legs and trying not to blush. “And I think my wrist is okay, at least nothing’s broken.” He poked it, then hissed in pain. “Maybe I should go to the nurse, just to be sure,” he said, letting out a shaky breath.
Brendon’s eyes widened in concern and he scrambled to get up, then held out an unsteady hand. Ryan hesitated for a second before taking it and pulling himself up. Brendon’s hand was warm and slightly calloused from what Ryan assumed was playing guitar, piano or perhaps both. He let go quickly, cheeks dark red.
“Do you want me to come with you to the nurse? I can carry your bag for you if you like,” Brendon offered, then picked up Ryan’s tatty black rucksack before he could
protest. “Come on, this way.”
Ryan followed, slightly bewildered and still in pain. “You don't have to carry my stuff, you know. And I know the way to the nurse.”
Brendon blushed. “I know,” he said, avoiding the other boy’s gaze. Ryan waited for him to say something else, but he remained silent.
“Thanks,” Ryan said softly, and Brendon grinned in a way that made his heart clench painfully.
“You’re welcome, Ryan Ross.”
-
Ryan’s wrist was not broken, as it turned out, but was sprained quite badly, which Spencer of course found hilarious, especially when Ryan detailed the circumstances in which it happened (leaving out the spying, of course). He had been instructed to wear a brace for several weeks to help it heal, but after the first day Ryan was already fed up. It was his right hand, which meant he couldn’t even write. It was hell, and the brace was itchy and warm, not to mention uncomfortable.
There was a positive side to his injury, however, and that was that Brendon Urie had taken it upon himself to follow Ryan around the school and assist him in any task, big or small. If it had been anyone else, Ryan would have found it annoying, but, as it was Brendon, it came across as more endearing than anything else. He had even insisted on sitting with Ryan in the cafeteria at lunch, which Ryan was definitely not complaining about. It was nice to have an excuse to spend so much time with him, and the more he got to know Brendon, the more the feeling in his chest grew.
The one annoying part was how much Brendon kept apologising.
“I am sorry,” Brendon said for the fifth time, and Ryan had to restrain himself from banging his head against the desk.
“Stop apologising,” he groaned. “Honestly, it’s not your fault!”
Brendon looked slightly bewildered. “Sor-“ he began, then cut himself off with a chuckle. “I mean, I won’t. I just feel bad, you know?” He paused. “It may not have been my fault, but you’re the one who came away with an injury…” He trailed off and looked up at Ryan, who was smiling.
“Hey, guys,” a third voice said, interrupting the moment. Both boys across at Spencer, who dumped his bag on the the table and slumped heavily in a seat opposite Ryan. Seeing how they were looking at him, Spencer frowned. “Not interrupting anything, am I?”
“Nope,” Brendon said quickly, as Ryan said, “Fuck off.”
Spencer laughed. “Looks like you two need to get your story straight.”
Ryan rolled his eyes. “Where’s Jon? Surprised you two aren’t making out in some closet.”
Spencer blushed and muttered something beneath his breath, which Ryan didn’t catch. Brendon apparently did, as he spluttered and choked on his drink, cheeks rapidly darkening. Ryan shot him a questioning look and Brendon cleared his throat, not quite meeting his eyes.
“I should, uh… I should probably get going. Don’t want to be late to class.” Brendon grabbed his bag and half ran from the cafeteria, not looking back.
“What was that all about?”
Spencer shrugged nonchalantly. “Something I said must have struck a chord with him.”
Ryan narrowed his eyes. “And what exactly did you say?”
“Nothing to worry your pretty little head about,” Spencer teased, winking. “But he totally likes you.”
This time, it was Ryan’s turn to blush. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said haughtily.
“Dude, he’s been following you around all day and he’s not sick of you yet. Either he’s some sort of saint, or he’s totally into you.” He paused thoughtfully. “Maybe both. That would explain a lot.”
“He probably just feels bad, that’s all,” Ryan replied, glaring at his best friend, who ignored him.
“Exactly, dumbass. He feels bad for hurting you, so he’s trying extra hard to make it up to you.” Spencer sighed. “If I’d hurt you, I wouldn’t do a thing to help because I honestly don’t care enough about you. Plus, he’s using it as an excuse to talk to you. No offence, but you’re not exactly the most approachable person in the world.”
“That’s not true!” Ryan exclaimed, offended. Spencer raised an eyebrow, and the other boy sighed, fiddling absent-mindedly fiddling with his wrist brace. “Okay, maybe it is, but Brendon doesn’t need an excuse to talk to me.”
“He doesn’t know that,” Spencer said gently. “Before this whole situation, have you ever purposely gone out of your way to interact with him?”
Ryan considered the question. “Well, I’ve always said hi to him if I see him in the corridor, and we sometimes share notes in history.”
“You do that with everyone, though. How is he meant to know that he’s special to you if you don’t act like he is?”
Ryan swore softly under his breath. “You’re right. I should go find him, tell him-”
“Hey Romeo, I’m not saying you shouldn’t do that, but could you at least wait until after calculus to do that? Because if we don’t leave now, we’re going to be late.” Spencer looked pointedly at the clock, and Ryan sighed. He’d have to find Brendon later.
-
Ryan made it through the rest of the day, but only just. At the end of his last lesson, chemistry, he practically sprinted out of the door, leaving Spencer chuckling in his wake. He rushed down the corridor, dodging lost freshmen and bored highschoolers, Brendon’s locker now in sight. Ryan skidded to a halt in front of Brendon’s locker, leaning against it as he caught his breath. His heart lifted as he saw Brendon round the corner, then plummeted down to his stomach when he saw the pretty girl clinging to Brendon’s arm. The other boy looked completely enamoured with this girl, so, not wanting to interrupt, Ryan quickly turned on his heel and walked in the other direction, ignoring the shout of his name from behind him.
Brendon, however, wasn’t going to let him get away that easily. As Ryan reached the end of the corridor, he felt a tug on his arm and turned to see Brendon smiling widely.
“Hey, Ryan. How’s your arm?”
“It’s okay,” Ryan lied, ignoring the painful twinge in his wrist. Brendon’s companion caught up with them and quickly latched onto his arm, fluttering her eyelashes up at him before giving Ryan a wide smile.
“You must be Ryan!” She gushed.
“Ryan, this is Sarah,” Brendon introduced, and Ryan felt sick. Giving her a name made it even harder to handle. He gritted his teeth and let out a polite “Hello,” before looking back at Brendon.
“Pleased to meet you!” She stuck out her hand but Ryan pointedly ignored it, and she withdrew, looking slightly affronted.
“I should probably get going. I told Spencer I would meet him outside the front gate,” he said, beginning to back away.
Brendon’s face lit up. “Great, that’s the way we’re going, too! We can walk together!”
“Great,” Ryan repeated, heart sinking further. Sarah looked confused at his lack of enthusiasm, but Brendon appeared not to notice, leading them down towards the exit.
“Sarah was just telling me about her most recent volunteering project at the local care home. It sounds amazing! She’s been raising money for them by organising cake sales and things like that, and she goes in every weekend to act as a carer for those in need! Isn’t that wonderful?”
Sarah blushed. “Oh, it’s nothing.”
Brendon raised his eyebrows. “Nothing? Well, we can’t all be wonderful human beings like yourself, but it’s definitely not ‘nothing’.”
“Ryan, why don’t you tell me something about yourself?” Sarah asked, deflecting the conversation smoothly. “I’ve heard things about you, of course, but it’s better to hear from the man himself!” She giggled, and Ryan tried not to grimace.
“Well, what do you want to know? Me and Brendon haven’t been friends for long-“ He cut himself off when he saw Brendon’s face drop. “I mean, we were friends, but we didn’t exactly know each other very well until recently. How about you? How long have you and Brendon been… friends?”
She grinned, seeming not to notice Ryan’s hesitation. “Oh, quite a while now. Haven’t we, Bren?”
Brilliant, Ryan groaned inwardly, Sarah’s sickly sweet voice irritating him. She seemed like a lovely girl, but Ryan couldn’t help but hate her for Brendon’s attraction to her. He wondered if they were dating - Brendon hadn’t mentioned a girlfriend, but as he had said, they didn't exactly know each other very well, so who was he to judge?
As they stepped outside, Ryan began to immediately look around for Spencer, and was dismayed when he spotted his best friend taking to Jon. He didn’t want to interrupt them, but he had no other option if he wanted to escape from Brendon and his- Sarah.
Luckily, his decision was made for him when Brendon spoke up. “We should probably get going.”
“Yeah, me too, man. Spencer will be wondering where I am.” He readjusted the strap on his bag, and waved at the pair. “Have a good night.”
“Oh, we will,” Sarah grinned, eyes mischievous. “We’re going to mine to watch movies.” She winked suggestively, and Ryan’s expression darkened, biting his lip hard to stop himself from making a sarcastic comment. His gaze lowered, so he missed the sudden look of realisation on Sarah’s face.
“See you tomorrow,” he said hoarsely, leaving a confused Brendon in his wake. Wanting to get away from the couple as fast as possible, Ryan headed straight for Spencer and Jon, who were deep in conversation. He barrelled straight into Spencer, who looked momentarily annoyed, until he saw Ryan’s face and immediately opened his arms to give the other boy a hug. Jon looked at the pair questioningly, but Spencer shook his head.
“I’ll text you later,” he mouthed over Ryan’s head, and Jon nodded in understanding, backing away.
He considered asking Ryan what was wrong, but he didn't want to upset him even more, so instead he said, “Milkshakes?”
“Milkshakes,” Ryan responded, voice muffled by Spencer’s sweater. He pulled back and the two of them walked in silence, Ryan staring intently at the floor and ignoring Spencer’s regular glances at his face.
“I’m fine, you don't have to keep checking on me,” Ryan grumbled as they reached the diner, and Spencer held up his hands.
“Okay, okay, just wanted to check. You seemed pretty upset.”
“Well, I’m fine,” Ryan responded, making his way up to the counter. “One large chocolate milkshake with extra whipped cream and toffee sauce, and one large strawberry and vanilla milkshake.” He handed the cashier the correct change, then slumped down next to Spencer in their usual booth.
“So, what happened?” Spencer asked softly, and Ryan sighed.
“Brendon has a girlfriend,” he said, eyes staring determinedly at the table. “Her name is Sarah, she’s the nicest fucking person on the planet, and I hate her.”
Spencer sat up. “Sarah Orzechowski?”
Ryan shrugged, picking at the hem of his hoodie. “She has brown hair and huge blue eyes, and whenever he looks at her, he gets this dreamy look on his face, like he’s never seen anything more beautiful.”
“I had no idea they were friends,” Spencer said thoughtfully.
“Well, that’s because they’re not,” Ryan spat. “He’s going to her’s tonight to ‘watch movies’, and we all know what that means.”
“Ryan, did Brendon actually say he was dating Sarah?” Spencer asked gently.
The other boy glared at him. “No, but either he is, or he really, really wanted to be. You should have seen the way he looked at her, Spence.” Ryan groaned, banging his head on the table. “It’s hopeless.”
Before the other boy could reply, the server brought their milkshakes over, and Ryan snatched his immediately, wincing as his wrist protested in pain, and drank almost half in one gulp. Spencer thanked the server, who scurried away, leaving the two of them alone to drink in silence.
Sensing Ryan wasn't exactly in the mood to talk, Spencer decided instead to use the time to think about Brendon. He was obviously interested in Ryan. Anyone could see that; in fact, it was amazing that Ryan hadn’t seen it. Brendon headed straight for him at every given opportunity, but, Ryan, being the asshole Spencer knew and loved, managed to somehow deflect his attention despite it being the one thing he craved the most. He was stupid sometimes, Spencer concluded.
And then there had been Brendon’s reaction earlier at lunch. Ryan may not have heard what Spencer had said in retaliation to his comment about him and Jon, but Brendon definitely had. And his reaction suggested he hadn’t been entirely opposed to the idea.
So, where did Sarah fit into the equation? She couldn’t be dating Brendon, because Jon had told him Brendon was single. Even if it had been a recent development, how come Spencer had never seen her before? And why was Brendon acting as if he liked Ryan if he was already in a relationship? This was a lot more complicated than things between him and Jon, that was for sure.
Perhaps it was just a misunderstanding? Spencer had no idea, but he was determined to find out.
-
The next evening, Ryan came to Spencer’s as usual. He had spent the whole day avoiding Brendon, which Spencer thought was cruel and unnecessary as the poor boy had no idea what he had done to provoke such a response. However, Ryan was adamant, and, knowing how stubborn his friend was, Spencer decided to let it slide.
They had decided to watch Die Hard, one of Spencer’s all time favourites, but not half an hour in, they were interrupted by the sound of someone at the door downstairs.
“I guess I’d better get that,” Spencer said begrudgingly.
“Want me to pause it?” Ryan offered, reaching for the remote, but Spencer shook his head.
“I’ll only be a second. It’s probably a salesman.”
Ryan nodded and settled back down beneath the blanket, turning his attention back to the explosions on the screen.
After several minutes, Spencer had not returned, and Ryan was beginning to get concerned. He reluctantly paused the movie and stood, stretching his aching limbs before making his way out of Spencer’s room. He crept down the stairs, straining his ears for any clue as to what was holding Spencer up, and stopped suddenly when he heard a familiar voice coming from the sitting room. What on earth was he doing here?
“I just don’t know what to do,” the voice said softly, and Ryan strained to hear Spencer’s response.
“Have you thought about talking to him about it?”
There was a sigh. “The way he avoided me today made it pretty clear I’ve upset him somehow, and I don’t want to make things worse…”
“Nonsense!” Spencer exclaimed. “Ryan doesn’t hate you!”
Ryan raised an eyebrow at the mention of his name, pressing himself closer to the door.
“It sure feels that way,” Brendon muttered, and Ryan’s heart broke. He had never meant to give him that impression, but the whole thing with Sarah had been so unexpected that he needed time to think, without any distractions.
“Ryan is an idiot,” Spencer said, interrupting his thoughts. “He knows what he wants, but he doesn’t think he deserves it. He’s horribly self-conscious, not that he’d ever admit it.” He chuckled, and Ryan felt as though the other boy was addressing him personally. “He just needs to find courage to get what he wants.”
“I get that, believe me, but why is he ignoring me? Everything was fine yesterday; Sarah and I saw him just before we left.”
Just when Ryan was starting to forget about Sarah, there she was back at the front of his mind. Not wanting to hear any more of their conversation, he moved silently back towards the stairs, thinking hard. He hadn't meant to upset Brendon, and the knowledge that he had done so made guilt pool in his stomach.
As he took his first step onto the staircase, the front door swung open and Spencer’s mom appeared, smiling widely. “Hello, Ryan dear. How's your wrist?” she said loudly, and Ryan wanted to sink into the floor.
“Ryan?” He heard Brendon exclaim, his voice raising several octaves. “Why didn’t you tell me he was here?” He burst through the door, face pale, angry and tear streaked, shooting an accusing glare at Ryan, who awkwardly raised his good hand in greeting.
“Hi?”
“How much of that did you hear?” Brendon stepped forward, eyes blazing.
Spencer’s mom looked between them and retreated back outside, quickly followed by Spencer himself, who shot Ryan an apologetic look before closing the door behind him.
“I know you’re mad at me,” Ryan began, holding his hands up. “But don’t be mad at Spencer. He left me upstairs when he came to answer the door, he had no idea I was listening.”
“So you were listening.”
“No. I mean, yes, but not intentionally.”
“Not intentionally?” Brendon repeated, eyebrows raised. “Oh, so that makes everything okay then, does it?”
“No, but-”
“And what about ignoring me all day? Was that unintentional too?” When Ryan failed to reply, Brendon’s face fell and he stepped backwards. “So you do just hate me.”
“Shit, Brendon, I could never hate you.” Ryan looked down, cheeks reddening. “I was just… Confused, I guess.”
“Confused? Why?”
Ryan shrugged, still not meeting Brendon’s eye. Struggling to find an answer, he instead countered with another question: “Are you dating Sarah?”
This had obviously not been what Brendon was expecting, as his eyes widened so much Ryan thought they would pop out of his skull. “Sarah? She’s my best friend, why the hell would I-” He let out a slightly hysterical laugh. “Ryan, I’m gay. I thought you knew. Besides,” he continued, blushing as he looked away. “There’s someone else.”
“What?” Ryan frowned, thoughts spinning. Brendon was gay? This fact should have filled him with joy, but the knowledge that there was someone else Brendon liked just made him jealous. This must have shown on his face, as Brendon took a step back cautiously.
“Are you okay with that?” He asked slowly, taking another step away from Ryan and placing one hand on the door handle. “Me being gay, I mean.”
Ryan took in Brendon’s wide eyes and defensive stance, and suddenly realised how his reaction must seem. “Yeah, I just-“
He was interrupted by a knock at the door, and both of them jumped when it opened slightly to reveal Spencer’s mom. “I hate to interrupt, boys, but I really do need to put my groceries away before the frozen things start to defrost.”
Brendon’s face turned cold, looking Ryan dead in the eye. “I was just leaving anyway, I can tell when I’m not wanted. Goodbye, Mrs Smith, Spencer.” With that, he opened the door the rest of the way and brushed past, leaving without a second glance at Ryan.
The three of them stood, stunned, for a second, then Spencer wordlessly took Ryan by the arm and dragged him upstairs, ignoring his mother’s protests from behind them. He sat Ryan down on the bed, settled down next to him, and waited.
“He’s not dating Sarah,” Ryan said after several speechless minutes.
“I know,” Spencer replied softly.
“He’s gay.”
“I know,” Spencer repeated. This news did not come as a surprise, but it was nice to have conformation.
“He thinks I’m an asshole.” Ryan buried his head in his hands and groaned, ignoring the pain in his arm. “Worse, he thinks I’m a homophobic asshole.”
Spencer frowned. “And why would he think that?”
“He said he wasn’t dating Sarah because he was gay, and there was someone else he liked, and it was all such a shock that I kinda just… stood there, not saying anything. Knowing he likes guys makes it harder, because it means he doesn’t like me personally, not because he’s straight, but because he just isn’t attracted to me.” Ryan took a deep breath, raising his head again. “It hurt so much,” he admitted. “And he thought I was mad at him for being gay, and before I could tell him I wasn’t, your mom came in, and now he thinks I hate him.”
Spencer let out a breath. “You fucked up big time, man.”
Ryan laughed bitterly. “You think?” He leant back against the headboard. “Come on, lets just watch the rest of the film.”
Spencer raised an eyebrow. “So that’s it? You’re giving up?”
“What do you mean? I can’t exactly do anything about it now.”
“That’s where your wrong.” Spencer reached for his phone, but Ryan waved him away.
“He won’t want to talk to me, there’s no point.”
He smirked. “No, but that’s not who we’re calling. Think about it: if this was the other way around, I’d want to know all about it, right?”
“Right,” repeated Ryan, confused.
“So, who’s Brendon’s best friend?”
-
“Let me get this straight,” Sarah said half an hour later, sitting cross-legged on Spencer’s bedroom floor. “You thought me and Brendon were dating?”
Ryan sighed. “Yes, for the millionth time. It was just a misunderstanding.”
She looked at him incredulously. "But how?"
Spencer interrupted them, sounding exasperated. “That’s not the reason you’re here, Sarah. You’re here to help us figure out how the hell to fix this mess.”
“And what mess would that be?”
“Brendon thinking Ryan is a homophobic asshole when he’s really just an asshole.”
“Hey!” Ryan protested, but Sarah laughed.
“Easy, just go speak to him. Tell him you accept him and just move on.”
Ryan winced. “It’s not quite that simple,” he began, and Spencer raised his eyebrows.
“Ryan has been hopelessly pining over Brendon since the first time he saw him,” he said bluntly, and Ryan punched him hard on the shoulder. “It’s true!” Spencer exclaimed, rubbing his arm. “You don’t have to hit me!”
“Sorry,” Ryan commented unapologetically. “I’m an asshole, apparently. It’s in my nature.” He looked back at Sarah, who was staring at him, eyes wide.
“Did Brendon say anything else when he told you he was gay?” She asked, and Ryan frowned.
“He said he liked someone, but that’s it. Why?”
“And he gave you no indication of who that might be?” Sarah persisted.
Spencer gasped suddenly. “You’re kidding me,” he said disbelievingly, and Sarah shook her head.
“Nope.”
Ryan looked between them, confusion twisting his features. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m such an idiot,” Spencer groaned, closing his eyes. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.”
She shrugged. “I didn’t see it either, until he told me.”
“Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on?” Ryan asked, voice raised slightly, and Sarah looked up at him from the floor.
“It would be better coming from Brendon,” she said gently.
“Okay,” he said, frowning. “I’ll ask him tomorrow after history.”
“No,” Sarah said, standing. “You need to see him tonight.”
“Tonight? How is that going to work? There’s no way he’ll agree to see me.”
“No,” Sarah said thoughtfully. A wicked smile spread across her face. “But I know just where he’ll be.”
-
Ryan approached the park slowly, eyes searching in the darkness. Finally, he spotted Brendon’s hunched figure on a swing, not 100 yards from where he was stood. Luckily, Brendon was facing the other way, so hadn’t spotted him yet. Ryan opened the gate as quietly as he could, closing it softly behind him, and made his way towards the swings.
“Go home, Sarah,” Brendon said without turning. “I don’t need your sympathy.”
“That’s good,” Ryan replied. “Because I’m not sure I have any to spare.”
Brendon spun around, stepping away from the swing. “Ryan? What the hell are you doing here?”
Ryan shrugged. “I needed to talk to you, and I doubt you’d return my calls.”
“But how did you know I’d be here? Sarah’s the only one who knows this is where I come to think and she wouldn’t…” He narrowed his eyes. “She told you. Of course she did. Brilliant.”
“She was only trying to help,” Ryan explained, moving forward, but Brendon stepped back.
“Stay away from me,” he warned, voice trembling.
“Brendon, I’m not going to hurt you.”
“Do you really expect me to believe that? Just an hour ago, you basically told me you hated me.” Brendon’s tone was accusing, and Ryan felt a stab of guilt in his stomach.
“I don’t hate you, Brendon,” he said softly. “This has all just been a big misunderstanding. Spencer’s mom came in before I could tell you, but I don't have a problem with you being gay. The reason I reacted so weirdly is because, well…” He paused. “I’d only just found out you weren’t dating Sarah, which took me a moment to process, and then you said you were gay and that you liked someone else, and I just got so jealous, and-”
“Ryan-”
“No, let me finish, please.” Ryan closed his eyes. “I’m gay too,” he said. "And I really, really like you." Hearing a sharp intake of breath from Brendon, he looked up and was surprised to see the other boy standing just feet from him. "I'm sorry if that makes you feel uncomfortable." Ryan tried to step away, but Brendon shook his head, grabbing the other boy's arm. Ryan's breath hitched, eyes widening almost comically.
"Don't you dare. I'm through with misunderstandings." Closing the gap between them, Brendon leant forward and connected their lips in one swift movement. Pulling back after a few seconds, Brendon grinned. "The person I like? It's you."
Ryan returned his smile and pulled him back for another kiss, hand reaching up and tangling in Brendon's hair.
Perhaps misunderstandings weren't so bad after all.