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Hanamaki knows it’s stupid. He’s getting worked up over nothing.
His mum walks along the cemented footpath ahead of him completely calm, looking for a street sign among the tall and looming residential houses.
His strides are longer than hers but he can’t find it in him to keep up.
They’re a little lost but it’s not a big place and there are maps all around the town so there’s nothing Hanamaki should be freaked out about. They're on a holiday. Just the two of them it's been wonderful and Hanamaki doesn't want to ruin the mood because of his own stupid over-sensitivity.
Yet here he is, lips feeling chapped, mouth dry, his heart beating fast. There are still people and cars around although not as many as there would be in the centre of town but there’s enough to make anyone realise they’re not far away from it. So why does he feel so nervous?
The light is fading fast and the wind is so bitterly cold his cheeks are actually hurting but at least there are still enough street lights to light the way.
His mum marches on, eventually slowing her pace and shooting him a soft smile and a glance that tells Hanamaki she's finally spotted a street sign she recognises.
They’re only in the town for a few days, hence the unfamiliarity.
This small victory does nothing to lift the nervousness in Hanamaki’s heart. In fact, the feeling does not begin to ease until Hanamaki has seen a row of shops and a bridge he remembers passing to get to their hotel.
His mum is asking him about where he wants to go for dinner but all Hanamaki wants to do is crawl up into a ball underneath itchy covers in their shitty hotel room.
Sure he hasn’t eaten since lunch but he just feels so tired. He shouldn't be. It was a minor moment of disorientation. It was no big deal. So why does he feel so shaken up?
Of course, he doesn’t tell his mother this, instead deciding to suggest the nice restaurant they visited the previous night.
Hanamaki wishes nothing more than to curl up in his boyfriend's laps and will the strange and unexpected bout of anxiousness away but he knows he can't.
He still can’t help but feel scared. He’s always been one to get nervous easily. In school presentations, he feels so inadequate, so frightened standing in front of his peers. Their unforgiving eyes piercing his soul and tearing away his confidence. But people expect you to be nervous about such a situation. So why is he feeling like this over a situation that any normal person wouldn’t blink an eye at?
These incidents don’t happen often so there’s no point trying to put a name on what they are or what they mean. And plus, his mum is busy enough as it is. At least that’s what he reasons to himself. He wants to find out what seems to be wrong with him but he doesn’t know where to start.
Issei, Hajime and Tooru always seems to know what to do when Hanamaki feels like shit and it’s not the same without them. They never treat him like he's a delicate piece of glass just because he has bad days. He loves them for that. With all his heart.
Only 2 more weeks of this holiday and he’ll be able to see them again. Only two more. He’ll make it. Absolutely.