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“Why do we even have that thing?”
Roy blinked up at the ladder. “I think Oliver actually paid to have it installed.”
“And Bruce agreed?” Jason asked, dubious.
Roy shrugged. “It’s here, isn’t it?”
They both watched as Oliver dusted his palms in chalk, grabbing a metal bar from the rack on the wall. He looked up at the salmon ladder, gaze assessing.
“It’s not like there’s any strategy,” Jason muttered, getting a dirty look from Roy. “What? It’s true. You just go up.”
“What are we watching?”
Jason didn’t flinch as Dick appeared at his shoulder, but Roy did, sending Dick a matching dirty look.
“Oliver’s going to do the salmon ladder,” Roy explained, “He got it custom made for the Watchtower. He has one at home, too.”
Dick was watching Oliver as the archer palmed the bar, one eyebrow slowly rising.
“So you just go up?” he asked. Jason immediately socked Roy on the shoulder, grinning widely.
“That’s what I said!”
Across the gym, Oliver held the bar up above his head, eyeing the first set of hooks with determination. He was shirtless, even though there wasn’t really a good reason to be.
“He’s going to -- oh, he’s starting,” Roy said, pride flashing across his expression, “Look!”
Dick and Jason craned their necks, watching as Oliver swung up, hooking the bar into the first set of hooks.
“It’s harder than it looks,” Roy explained, “You have to swing your entire body up and then lift the bar up quickly. Otherwise it doesn’t catch.”
Oliver swung the bar up, sliding it into the second set of hooks with a satisfying click of metal on metal.
“Easy,” Dick said with a scoff, “He’s just using his momentum.”
“It’s hard,” Roy insisted, “I’ve tried it. My arms were burning.”
“Hn.”
Roy jumped for a second time at Bruce’s soft grunt, turning around with his mouth open to unleash unheard-of vitriol on the Bat who’d spooked him.
“Roy,” Bruce greeted, in sweatpants and no cowl, “How’s the ladder?”
Roy put his head in his hands, a pink blush traveling across his cheeks. He’d been milliseconds away from unloading on Batman, and the near-miss hadn’t escaped him.
“See for yourself,” Roy said, gesturing blindly at the ladder and Oliver, “He just started.”
Oliver had progressed to the fourth set of hooks during their conversation, body swinging back and forth in measured thrusts.
“I said it looks easy,” Dick said, putting a hand over his eyes and looking up at Oliver.
Bruce snorted. “That’s because it is.”
“Burn,” Jason whispered to Roy, who was now bright red, “Batman says it’s easy.”
There was a crow of victory across the gym as Oliver finally made it to the top of the ladder, arms straining around the metal bar.
“That’s a record,” Roy insisted, still half-pink, “I swear that’s the fastest he’s done it.”
Oliver slid the bar out of the hooks, holding onto the side of the ladder with one arm. Waggling the bar down at his crowd of spectators, he began the slow, if graceful, climb down to the ground.
“Bruce,” he said, greeting them with another wiggle of the bar, “Come to see the competition?”
“What competition?” Jason muttered under his breath, immediately getting a smack from Roy.
“Hey.”
“You ignored my requisition order amendment,” Bruce said, not rising to Oliver’s bait. Sans cowl and suit, he was just as intimidating as he was in full armor. “And my budgetary recommendation.”
“Yeah, well, it’s not as much fun if it’s shorter,” Oliver said, nudging Roy, “Right, Roy?”
“Right,” Roy said, gaze flicking back and forth between the two billionaires, “It’s way more fun if it’s tall.”
“It’s harder than it looks, you know,” Oliver said to Bruce, barging on through his lack of response, “You could give it a try.”
The metal bar was held out: a simple, gleaming offer.
“Really?” Bruce asked. There was a note of surprise in his voice, like he hadn’t even considered the possibility of Oliver offering.
“Yeah!” Oliver said, handing off the bar, “Go for it. Roy, time him against my record.”
“Got it,” Roy said, clicking his watch, “Ready when you are.”
Bruce hadn’t made any indication of moving, still holding the slim bar next to Dick and Jason. Suddenly, he exhaled through his nose, shaking his head.
“Take your shirt off,” Oliver said, gesturing, “I swear, it’s easier.”
Bruce ignored him, moving to stand in between the two ends of the ladder. He craned his neck up at the hooks like Dick and Jason had earlier, gaze sweeping over the frame.
“He’s going to regret this,” Dick muttered out of the side of his mouth, watching the ladder with rapt attention, “You filming, Jay?”
“Mhm,” Jason said, already holding up a cellphone, “This is gonna be hilarious.”
Roy swore under his breath, eyes darting back and forth between Oliver and Bruce. “He’s gonna be such a dick about this later.”
“You can crash with us,” Jason said absently, “Now quiet.”
They crept closer as a group, forming a semi-circle around Oliver and Bruce. The latter looked up as they approached, gaze flicking to Roy.
“Ready?” Roy repeated, holding up his watch. Oliver slapped Bruce across the back, grinning wide.
“You got this, Bats!”
Bruce’s expression didn’t change, but something in his eyes did. He nodded at Roy, holding up the bar.
“And…" Roy said, tapping his watch, “...go!”
Bruce immediately swung the bar up, latching it into place in the first set of hooks. Oliver stepped back, eyebrows raised as he ducked the legs swinging toward his face.
Bruce quickly slid into the second set of hooks, moving far faster than Oliver had. His shoulders -- under the threadbare black t-shirt -- flexed with considerable power, lifting him up and over the next set of hooks with as little energy expended as possible.
“Shit,” Roy hissed, “He’s fast.”
“Hell yeah,” Jason said, glancing briefly at Dick, “You think you could do that?”
“Not carrying that much muscle,” Dick replied. He crossed his arms, shaking his head up at the ladder, “Damn.”
Oliver wandered back over to their semi-circle, mouth tight and eyes narrowed. “What’s he at?”
Roy glanced at his watch. “Ten seconds.”
“Fuck.”
Bruce reached the top, clicking the bar into the last set of hooks. He didn’t pause, immediately descending back down with even swings of his arms.
Oliver’s jaw dropped.
“Motherfucker,” he said, “He’s going back down, too. No fucking way.”
Bruce reached the bottom a few seconds later, dropping onto his feet silently. He turned around, grasping the bar in his palm.
“Fun,” he said, expressionless and not even breathing hard, “Kind of monotonous toward the end, though.”
Oliver accepted the bar, stunned into silence.
“You could make it a little harder, add some weight,” Jason suggested innocently, “Maybe a couple plates?”
Bruce tilted his head, considering this. “Hn.”
“Sure, why not?” Oliver said, already heading toward the racks, “Roy, get your timer ready again.”
Roy sighed, erasing Bruce’s time from his watch with a click. Oliver wasted no time grabbing two plates and looping a belt into them, heading back toward the ladder.
“Ready?” he asked Roy, fastening the belt around his waist. Bruce handed off the bar, which Oliver took with a determined look.
“Ready.”
Oliver grunted, lifting and swinging up into the first hook. His arms were trembling as he slid up into the second set, legs swinging back and forth.
The group watched as he slowly mounted the whole ladder, his swings strained but even. The weights swung back and forth from his waist, clinking together as his legs pushed out and in.
Oliver summited the ladder with an audible grunt, breathing heavily. He attempted to slide back down the ladder like Bruce had, but fumbled the bar and nearly slipped.
Jason held up the phone, zooming in as Oliver gave up, pulling out the bar and climbing back down the ladder like he had earlier.
“Nice suggestion,” Oliver said, playing it cool as he hit the ground in front of them, “Really felt it in my pecs.”
He handed the bar to Bruce, who raised his eyebrows. The silent challenge went unanswered for a moment, tension building in the near-empty gym.
Bruce turned to Jason. “How heavy are you right now?”
“No fucking way,” Oliver said, eyes widening, “You’re kidding me.”
Jason cracked his neck.
“About 280,” he said casually, “Maybe 285.”
Bruce grunted. Jason shrugged, handing off the cellphone to Dick and heading over toward the base of the ladder.
Oliver and Roy watched in disbelief as Bruce joined him at the ladder, flipping the bar over in his palm.
“No fucking way,” Oliver repeated, shaking his head, “This is an intimidation thing. He can’t actually do that.”
Jason and Bruce spoke briefly, too quiet to reach the group. After a moment of discussion, Bruce held up the bar, moving into position.
Like they’d done this a million times, Jason stepped up behind him, kneeling and wrapping his arms around Bruce’s waist.
“This can’t work,” Oliver said, eyes wide and frantic. He glanced at Dick, “He can’t do this, right?”
Dick, who was watching the pair with a soft smile, shrugged. “Probably. He uses Jason for pull-ups all the time.”
“Holy shit,” Roy said. Oliver glanced at him, lips twitching in irritation.
“Shush.”
Following a silent count, Bruce jumped up with the bar, Jason swinging after him. The bar slid into the first set of hooks easily, slower than Bruce’s first attempt, but steady.
“Fuck me,” Oliver said as Bruce’s shoulders flexed, swinging him and Jason up toward the second pair of hooks, “Fuck me, he’s actually doing it.”
With some effort, Bruce slowly passed through the next few sets, bar clicking with each movement. His legs remained stationary as Jason’s body swung between them, arms tight around his waist.
There was little, if any, assistance from Jason. He remained limp, head tucked against Bruce’s shoulder blades as they bounced up the hooks.
At the top, Bruce clicked the bar into place with a soft grunt. He began the slow process of descending, breathing audibly through each motion.
Oliver made a wordless sound of disbelief as Bruce reached the ground, pausing to let Jason slide off before descending past the final set of hooks.
“Well?” Jason asked. Next to him, Bruce was breathing quickly, but not heavily. His face was slightly flushed, like he’d been out for a brief run.
“Thirty seconds,” Roy said, sounding stunned. “Only ten seconds slower.”
Oliver ran a hand through his hair. “That can’t be right.”
“You should give it a try,” Bruce said, turning to Dick and handing him the bar, “Do it backward, practice your guesswork.”
Next to Roy, Oliver made another wordless, anguished sound.
“It’s kinda cool,” Jason concluded, accepting his phone back from Dick, “Think we should get one for the Cave?”
Bruce turned, surveying the ladder. His breathing was entirely regular again. He wasn’t even really sweaty.
“A taller one,” he said, expressionless.
Oliver opened his mouth, then shut it with a vivid click of his teeth. He grabbed the back of Roy’s suit, dragging him toward the door.
Bruce watched them leave, waiting until they were out of earshot. He turned to Dick and Jason, lips twitching into the bare beginnings of a smile.
“It is kind of fun,” he said, “Especially with the extra weight.”
In the hallway just outside the gym, Oliver started screaming.