Chapter Text
The world was unkind and unfair. Izuku learned that at a young age. His quirk came in late, after the whole thing with his toe joint and after everyone believed him to be quirkless. After his mom had practically told him he couldn’t be a hero. After his father had taken to getting rid of his anger on the small boy and then disappeared. He was ten when it came in.
To be truthful Izuku had never believed he would get one. His father had made it clear before he left that the boy was worthless. His first friend made sure he knew that as well and it had been a long time since Izuku had believed differently. Once he was old enough to self-sustain, his mom had picked up another job, explaining that it was to take care of him but Izuku knew she just couldn’t stand to be around him. He never blamed her for it. He knew he reminded her too much of his father who had abandoned both of them. By the time he was seven he was pretty much living on his own, rarely catching sight of his mother. Most of the time when she worked deeper in the city she just got a hotel instead of coming all the way home, so there were times when weeks would go by with no sight of his mother.
It was during one of their infrequent meals together that Izuku’s quirk came in. It was his birthday and it had been a long time since he had seen his mother. He was emotional for so many different reasons and he was struggling not to cry through the entire meal. His mom didn’t like it when he cried because she usually ended up crying as well.
Inko Midoriya was not a bad person. She just felt things a little too much and tended to avoid the pain certain emotions caused rather than confronting them and dealing with them. She felt guilty about leaving her son alone so much but she did not have the courage to be around Izuku. She always forced herself to do something for the boys birthday though. That night she took off work from her second job so that she could be home for dinner. She made Katsudon, hoping it was still Izuku’s favorite food and then they ate at the table in uncomfortable silence. Inko guiltily noticed how thin her son was and how little he was eating.
The silence dragged on until finally Izuku pushed back his chair, the chair legs scraping against the tile. “May I be excused?” He asked, flatly.
Inko looked up, ready to let him go, but she froze at the sight of tears in his eyes. “Izuku,” she swallowed, tears coming to her own eyes. She had always been an empathetic crier, but this was more than that.
“Please.” Her son asked thickly, obviously trying so hard not to cry.
“Please stay.” Inko tried doing what she knew was best. “It’s your birthday.”
Izuku flinched at her words. “So what? It’s just another day. It doesn’t matter. You don’t need to force yourself to be around me.”
Inko gasped. Izuku didn’t sound angry. He only sounded resigned, as if he had known this truth for a long time. Inko’s stomach twisted. “I’m not-”
“Don’t.” Izuku's voice was harder this time, his eyes narrowing. He looked so much like Hisashi now that Inko had to refrain from losing the bit of dinner that she had managed to eat. “Don’t lie to me.”
Inko found herself standing. When had the rift between them grown so large. What had she done? Her son, her boy, stood before her, and Inko finally, really looked at him. His hair had grown out, almost completely covering his eyes, having gone too long without a haircut. There were tears spilling in a steady stream from his green eyes now. His hands picked at the hem of his frayed shirt and Inko suddenly wondered when the last time she had taken him clothes shopping was. Something caught her eyes and she looked closer. His nails were short and some of his cuticles were bleeding, as well as the skin around the nails looked practically destroyed. She swallowed hard, her mouth dry, guilt tearing at her. She stepped forward, wanting to touch him.
“Honey.” The tears spilled out of her own eyes as she reached forward to touch his arm.
Her boy flinched, hard. “Don’t touch me.” And he reached up, snatching her wrist to prevent it from getting to him.
She opened her mouth to say something. She didn’t know what, just anything, but when his thumb closed around her wrist she felt something cold and foreign, something dark and she instinctively closed her eyes. There was the distinct sound of something ripping in her ears. She gasped when the ground disappeared beneath her feet and she stumbled back, falling onto her rump, eyes flashing open. She froze, eyes widening in a mix of horror and shock at the sight before her.
She was not in her kitchen anymore.
Back in the kitchen though Izuku had watched his mother blip out of existence, the sound of paper tearing echoing in his ears. He choked in his own spit when he gasped, falling back. His breath caught in his throat as his butt hit the hard floor. His mom was gone. Where did she go? Had Izuku done something? He looked down at his hands, barely noticing that he was hyperventilating. When she had reached out to touch him he had stopped her, grabbing her wrist, wanting nothing more at that moment than for her to be somewhere else, anywhere else as long as it was not around him. And now she was gone.
Izuku closed his eyes, handing come up to form a fist over his pounding heart, clutching his shirt. He was alone again and he suddenly realized he did not want that. He was sobbing uncontrollably now and he wanted his mom back, he needed her back, he didn’t want to be alone.
And then, all of a sudden, she was back, arms folding around him, pulling him close. They were both openly sobbing now, Izuku a blubbering mess against Inko’s chest, her face buried in his messy curls.
The next morning Inko made an appointment with a quirk counselor.
—
Several years later and Izuku’s life was not much better. His mom had started making an active effort to be in his life after his quirk had been registered, but she still worked a lot and wasn’t home very often. Izuku spent his middle school years practicing his quirk, learning everything he could about it.
They called it State of Mind. At the quirk counselor appointment Izuku had listened carefully as she explained to the councilor what she had seen when Izuku had sent her away. She described, when she opened her eyes, a hellscape of sorts. A world that was most certainly not her own, but also a world that was somehow intensely familiar.
It was a world wracked by rain but with the ground being a dry, barren and cracked yellow earth, the rain having no effect on it. Cracks ran through the ground and from within them she could hear inhuman screaming that had increasingly grown louder the more time she spent there. The sky was crimson and green lightning flickered constantly all over. Apart from these things the world was absolutely empty and she knew for a fact, somehow she just knew, that this was a representation of the state of Izuku’s mind and her son was panicking.
It was with that realization that was suddenly drawn back, falling in front of her son who was in the middle of a panic attack.
After she explained everything Izuku described the events from his point of view, his arms wrapped around himself. The quirk counselor had then asked if I could do it again. She had him test it on objects though, warning him of using it on humans in case something happened. They found that he could send away and then summon back a pen and a stack of post it notes, but nothing bigger than that, which the councilor found surprising since he had done it with a full human. They also found he could not do it unless all five fingers were touching the object.
The quirk counselor then explained that it must have been Izuku’s intense emotional stress that had triggered the sudden development of his quirk, that it had probably always been there but dormant.
Izuku didn’t know what to think about that.
It was only now, as Izuku took his notebook from the small pond where the koi were eating it, that he realized that he did not understand why the world was so hard on him. It took him a lot of therapy to learn that everything that had happened to him was not his fault. He had been seeing a psychiatrist as well as a therapist and taking medicine since his mom had seen the state of his mind and it took until Kacchan had told him to kill himself for him to realize that the world was harder on him than it was on a lot of other people.
Shaking out the water from his notebook Izuku wondered what he had done to deserve all of it. He wondered how much longer he could survive in a world that was terrible to him. Not for the first time did Izuku wonder how much more he could take before he took Kacchan’s advice.
Tucking the notebook under his arm, Izuku headed toward home, mumbling to himself. He was lost in thought and that was why he didn’t notice the sludge monster until it was already trying to suffocate him. Its words echoed in his ear and Izuku recovered from his shock and started struggling. After a couple accidents involving his mother he had taken to wearing gloves so as not to accidentally use his quirk and he attempted to force his hands together to remove even just one glove but found that the villain was too strong. He tried to fight it, his terror dwindling into acceptance. It seemed like so long ago that he could breathe. The sludge was pouring down his throat and through his sinuses and his energy was flagging, his vision tunneling. Izuku realized with detachment that he was going to die right there. He found that he did not really care and he let himself give up just as a loud, familiar voice reverberated around him. There was a flash of yellow in the center of his blurry vision right before Izuku was swallowed by unconsciousness.
Something slapped him and Izuku startled awake, inhaling instinctively. The boy choked, gagging and he was rolled over onto his side. He gagged again and threw up, viscous liquid ejecting from his throat. He struggled to breathe again, hands forming into claws against the ground, uneven nails scrabbling underneath the thin fabric of his black gloves.
Eventually he could breathe again and he panted, wiping his mouth on his shirtsleeve before looking up. His eyes widened considerably and the world froze around him. “A-all Might?” He stuttered, heart pounding against his ribs.
“Are you all right my boy?” His literal hero asked.
“U-um.” He wheezed.
The number one hero laughed, patting his back before straightening. “Well, I’ll be going now. I need to get this back.” He said, waving what looked like a two liter with the sludge villain residing uncomfortably in it.
“Wait, wait!” Izuku panicked. This was his chance. Probably his only chance to ask the greatest hero in Japan the question that had been burning away at him since he was four, only slightly altered since he had gotten that worthless quirk of his.
All Might either didn’t hear him or ignored him as he finished his stretches and prepared to leap from the ground. Izuku ran forward, scrambling to make it in time, moving faster than ever before in desperation. He jumped right before the hero leaped, his arms closing around the bulky, muscled leg. Izuku’s stomach dropped away, left behind along with gravity. He opened his mouth, an influx of air choking down his scream. He must have made some sort of noise though because All Might looked down, eyes widening comically.
“Let go!” The man yelled.
“If I do that I’ll die!” Izuku squealed. What had he done? Why was he like this?
All Might touched down on a rooftop and Izuku was too swept up in his own thoughts to realize that All Might was hurriedly trying to leave. “Can I be a hero with a useless quirk?!” He forced out, eyes closed, fists clenched at his sides. There was the sound of air being let out of a balloon and Izuku’s eyes opened. He stepped back, confused by the sudden cloud of steam and appearance of a gaunt man in the middle of it, coughing up blood.
Izuku’s analytical mind raced, recalling all the forums guessing at the hero’s quirk, wondering at his immense strength. “What h-happened to you?” The boy swallowed.
With an exhausted sigh All Might lowered himself into a seated position. He then went on to explain his story. After that he met Izuku’s eyes. “I cannot safely tell you that you can be a hero with a ‘useless’ quirk, as you say.” The man stood, brushing himself off and heading to the roof door, looking back at the dismayed boy. “You could always try being a police officer. They’re often told their work is easy because of heroes but it is still a respectable position to hold.”
And with that Izuku’s hero left. The boy looked at ground, small tears sliding down his face and dripping from his chin onto the bright red of his shoes. He had always known he couldn’t be a hero, literally everyone in his life told him so, but it was something else to have your dreams shattered by your idol. Izuku looked at the edge of the roof, considering his options. The idea of causing his mother even more guilt caused him to gently shake his head. He cleared his throat and wiped his eyes. His mouth tasted like he had been gargling with raw sewage. He supposed what had happened wasn’t far off from that.
He tightened the straps of his backpack and exited the roof the same way All Might had, ignoring the explosion off in the distance. He didn’t care anymore, only noting that he would have to pass it to get home.
By the time he reached the gathered crowd by the attack he was lost in his own thoughts and just happened to glance up. There was a perfect gap in the crowd for him to see a pair of terrified, red eyes, exposed by the undulating sewage monster.
And then Izuku’s legs were moving and he really did not know what was going on.
He ripped his backpack off his shoulders and flung it with everything he had, trying to get the villain’s attention. Izuku threw himself forward, remembering the fear of that thing drowning him, the terror as he realized that he was going to die and no one was going to help him. Well, he knew that feeling and he didn’t want anyone else to experience it, even his worst bully.
Izuku’s hands plunged into the wet mass, clambering for some sort of purchase, clawing to try to get it out of Kacchan’s airways. Small explosions were going off from the blonde’s hands. He was instinctively using his quirk to try to escape.
His quirk…
Izuku didn’t hesitate. No one knew about his quirk, never bothering to tell anyone, knowing what they would all say. That with a quirk like his he might as well be quirkless. But maybe now he could use it.
Izuku pulled his hands away with a sickening squelch and tore a glove off with his teeth, grimacing at the taste. He then, with a sharp inhale, plunged his back into the body, hoping that it wouldn’t take Kacchan with it.
He focused on sending the sludge away, just the sludge. He wanted it gone, he never wanted to see it again. He wanted it gone.
The sound of ripping tore through the air and suddenly Kacchan fell to the ground, no longer held up by the sludge. Izuku dropped to his knees beside him, clutching his head, hyperventilating. He could feel it inside his mind. It was angry and it was scared and it was fighting. He could feel it tearing at his mind. The villain was strong and it was hurting Izuku.
And then All Might was back, his hands on his own fists that were yanking at his hair. “Where did the villain go, my boy?”
“It-It’s h-here.” Izuku choked, tapping the side of his head. All Might frowned, obviously confused.
“Can you bring it back. I am here now and I will defeat it. You’re safe now.” His hero said gently, patting his head. Izuku nodded, his movements jerky, before closing his eyes and willing for the monster to come back, to get out of his mind. The pressure pushing at his head disappeared and Izuku collapsed from the relief, panting heavily, pushing the heels of his hands into his eyes. The rest of the world was tuned out so he didn’t know what was going on until he felt the rain against his skin.
All Might had changed the weather with a single punch. The world was utterly silent for a single moment as the shock of what happened set into the crowd. Izuku’s eyes went to Kacchan who was catching his breath near him. His eyes were practically glowing with rage, leveled at the green haired boy. Izuku tore his eyes away, pulling himself into a sitting his position, his head lolling on his shoulders. Gods, he had the headache of the century developing. He really wanted to go home.
All Might was flooded with reporters and Izuku was surrounded by heroes and police, lecturing him about what he had done. He ignored every word out of their mouths. They had done nothing while Kacchan died right in front of them. Their words meant nothing.
Izuku was finally released and he left the crowd behind him, walking in the direction of home. His steps were jerky and his head was pulsing with pain. His vision was blurred and the movements of his eyeballs in their sockets felt like stabs of pain into his brain. He was struggling to walk, short puffs of air leaving his mouth with almost every step.
He had been watching his feet so the only reason he noticed All Might shooting out in front of him was because he yelled and it sent a spike of pain through Izuku’s head. He glanced up, eyes squinted as All Might deflated. The man covered his mouth as he coughed up blood. “My boy, what you did was very brave.” He began.
Izuku sighed, rubbing his temple. “Midoriya Izuku.” He whispered. “My name is Midoriya Izuku.”
“Young Midoriya.” All Might said with conviction. “What you did spurred me to act. It was truly amazing. Even after what I said to you and believing you had a useless quirk, you still rescued that boy.” Izuku looked at him with surprise. Why was he saying these things? What was he getting at, what did he mean. “My boy, you can be a hero.”
Izuku recoiled sharply, a starburst of pain erupting across his vision at the abrupt movement. The boy slid to his knees with legs that felt like rubber. “What?” He gasped, his throat dry.
All Might crouched in front of him, settling onto his own knees and putting both hands on the boys shoulders. Izuku leaned into the touch and looked up at him despite the pain. The glare of the sun behind the hero made his bright hair look like it was on fire. “You can be a hero.”All Might repeated, smiling.
And Izuku broke down.