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It was official, Nezu was a fucking crackhead.
Midoriya had seen full fucking spectrums of people, but the principle was a different breed, literally.
They’d met no more than a day ago, but it was settled, Midoriya was going to be killed and they’d never find the body.
Running a hand down his face and ignoring Hatsume’s worried look, he wondered where he went wrong.
When correctly motivated, Midoriya was a good runner; fast, quiet, decent stamina, and easy to miss. When incorrectly motivated, he moved at a pace so slow that the snail that seemed to follow him around was jealous.
He'd simply been trying to avoid having to re-do his homework for the fourth fucking time. But no. Life hated him and he was now running full speed away from some random fucko in a trenchcoat.
It wasn’t even a nice one.
Trenchcoat man had been attempting some kind of stealth stalking, but the oversized hat and wide sunglasses weren’t the most discreet, especially next to a middle school.
Midoriya barely had the energy to move, let alone sprint full speed away from some dodgy guy, and honestly, he was draining of aforementioned energy frustratingly quickly. Perhaps he shouldn’t have spent all night sending and receiving cat pictures to and from an online friend.
But it was what it was, you can’t change the past.
Trenchcoat man seemed to be getting annoyed, moving faster, and he was catching up.
Midoriya’s sides heaved with effort as he tried to carry on, he was sure he could do this.
Five seconds later, it was clear that he couldn’t do this.
Using the last remaining energy, he hit the floor, a tactical move he often used when outmatched.
By being on the ground, the chaser would slow because they thought you were surprised by the fall, but seeing as you would have deliberately done it, you recover quicker and make your escape.
Well, sometimes.
It was not this time.
The Trenchcoat man didn’t slow in the slightest, merely crouching in his run and picking up Midoriya by the waist without so much as a falter.
Surprised, Midoriya simply hung limply from his grip, swaying from side to side until the stranger slowed to a halt.
“You know, you could’ve at least said hello,” Midoriya huffed.
The chances were that he would be killed no matter what, so it didn’t really matter what he said.
“Where’s the fun in that, Midoriya-Kun?” His voice was squeaky and annoying, and the greenette fucking recognised it.
“No. Don’t tell me.. Are you fucking kidding me?”
The man unbuttoned his coat to reveal a small rat-bear thing on stilts.
“Fucking Nezu.”
“Now, now,” The principal chided, removing the rest of his disguise. “Don’t forget your manners.”
Midoriya rolled his eyes, “Where was that attitude when you chased me down from my school?”
Nezu batted the air with his paw.
“Details, details. Now, I’m sure you’re wondering why I decided to visit you.”
Despite the scoffed profanities about ‘That’s not fucking visiting, you psycho rat’, Midoriya grumbled out a sound of agreement.
“Firstly, I have cat pictures, secondly-”
The taller cut him off, “Cat pictures?! Why didn’t you start with that?”
“Because I also have a request. I would like you to try for our entrance exams.”
Midoriya blinked dumbly.
“You mean the ones in six months? The ones notoriously next to impossible to pass? The ones that I, a quirkless shrimp, wouldn’t last a second in?”
Nezu huffed.
“Don’t be like that, I’ll recommend you if that’s what it takes.”
They both knew it was bullshit. Just an attempt to calm the younger with no real truth behind the words.
He sighed, slumping forwards and knocking a thin layer of-Sand from his top.
“I’ll do it if you let me have some sense of superiority over your staff. I want to make them suffer like I have.”
“Deal.”
Instant regret wasn't something Midoriya felt often, but fuck did he wish he could take back his words.
As soon as he got home, his phone was spammed with messages from the rat, along with some bribery. (Cats)
Midoriya had no idea how Nezu typed that fast, especially with paws, but there he was, staring at sixty seven notifications.
He pulled his hand down his face in frustration.
Nezu
And, you know, I should be allowed to laugh at the new teachers getting lost
But no, apparently it's 'unprofessional'
Midoriya
Which course do you want me to go for?
Don't say you don't mind, we both know that's a lie
Nezu
Personally, I'd prefer heroics
But given your history, I think it's best for you to go for support or general education.
Midoriya
You do know I've never so much as touched a wire, right?
Nezu
Of course!
That's the fun in it.
Midoriya
Fine. But if I fail, I'm going straight for general.
Nezu
I don't think you can go anywhere 'straight'
Midoriya didn't respond, opting to shuck his phone across the room with fury only a vengeful man could achieve.
"Fuck life."
The best place for Midoriya to start learning was the trash beach.
No people, no problem.
(He ignored the fact that Nezu probably knew where he was heading, and that he also most likely put a tracker or some shit on him)
The journey was a healthy one.
By the time he got there, the navy sky was already bleeding into scattered peach hues, but he didn’t care.
He heaved his body over the railing and let it hit the sand with a quiet ‘paff’
Scrabbling back up, he looked around at the carpet of trash. He shuddered, just thinking about how many ways the metal rust alone could kill him made him feel icky.
He bent down, picking up a broken calculator.
"Guess I better start small," He muttered, pulling out a small screwdriver.
Just as Midoriya began to dissect the mathematical device, there was a quiet rustling sound, shortly followed by 'hushed' curses.
"Son of a motherfucking WHORE!"
Midoriya blinked, that was… Unexpected.
He poked his head over the piles of waste, meeting eyes with a surprisingly close girl.
By 'close', Midoriya meant 'less than five inches away'.
He flinched back with a squeak, falling onto his lower back.
"Oh! Hello there!" The girl grinned widely, sticking out a hand that almost brushed Midoriya's face.
"Nice to meet you! My name's Hatsume Mei!"
My ears, Midoriya's mind complained.
"U-uhm.. Hi."
Somehow, she smiled even more, leaning over to grasp his hand and pull him up.
"So, what're you doing around here at this hour?"
Midoriya shrugged.
"Got bribed by a rat overlord. You?"
"Looking for materials."
Midoriya's interest was piqued.
"Oh?"
She nodded.
"Yeah, I need them to make my babies."
Usually, those words would make him sprint in the other direction as fast as possible whilst begging not to be caught by a psycho, but the context was less worrying.
"Babies? Like," He paused, looking around and attempting to come up with something that could be formed from trash. "Bacteria?"
She laughed, loud and happy.
"No, silly! Machines!"
That… Made a lot more sense.
"Thank fuck. I was about to prepare for a hand-sanitizer bath."
Then, after a couple of seconds, it clicked.
"Oh! This might be a lot to ask, but I could really use a teacher for mechanics, uhm, would you be willing to help?"
Regret.
So much regret.
A dark sparkle glinted in her eyes.
"Is this related to the 'rat overlord' by any chance?"
He nodded.
"Of course! This is great! I have a pupil even before I get the business. We're gonna make so many babies together!"
Even more regret.
It was a 'buy one regret, get fourteen free' day.
"Sure," He said, holding back internal tears.
She squealed, clapping her hands frantically.
"This is going to be so much fun!"
Every muscle in Midoriya's body was crying for him to stop, but he couldn't. "Hatsume-San, please! It's been an hour!"
A maniacal laugh split the air.
"It's only been an hour, now move!"
Midoriya groaned, heaving a breath as he lugged Hatsume across the beach whilst holding a shattered microwave. Her grip was tight on his shoulders, but overall she was like a filled backpack.
An annoying filled backpack.
He reached the end of the-Sand, onto their designated safe space, he collapsed.
"Hatsume-San, I'm begging you."
She poked him from her position above him.
"Not until you give me a nickname!"
“But Hatsume-”
“Nope!”
He let his head land on the ground.
“Fine! Fine, okay? You win.” He hissed, twisting his neck so he could glare at her.
Midoriya was no good with nicknames.
He had no real friends to give them to, and he only met Nezu in person mere hours before.
“Shit, uhm,”
Hatsume Mei.. Hatsumemei? No, too long.. How about..
“Hatsumei!”
She shook his shoulders excitedly.
“Finally! I thought we’d be here for the rest of the day .”
“But Hatsumei, it’s two in the morning?”
Hatume didn’t even blink.
“Now, if you can come back to my house, I’ll get you some friendship bracelets, they only have a few modifications.”
Was this how friendship worked? It’d been too long for Midoriya to remember.
And that was a depressing thought.
“Oh, please! My parents think I make up all my friends. To be fair, I do, but that’s not the point.”
Ouch.
“Could I message my mother first?”
Hatsume tilted her head to the side, not dissimilar to a cat.
“She’s awake at this time?”
“Yeah, she’s still at work but she should see it once a break comes.”
She shrugged.
“Sure, I’m not the boss of you yet.”
Midoriya may not know how this stuff worked, but he was pretty sure most friends didn’t have tracking devices installed in bracelets.
“I asked other people before, but they just called me a freak and left. I mean, I understand if you say no, but I just wanna know if you’re safe or not.”
Looking between the dimly flashing band and hopeful grin, he couldn’t find it in himself to say no.
“It works both ways, right?” He asked, turning it over to inspect the other side.
“Yeah. Like a blood pact!”
Midoriya chuckled lightly whilst slotting it around his wrist.
It was a tight fit, but the pale peach band seemed to rest in a mock of a second skin.
“Damn. How many of these have you got?”
She shrugged.
“Around forty six or so.”
He hummed at her answer, not knowing how to respond.
His phone buzzed in his pocket, a signal of a call.
Mindlessly fishing it out, he answered, expecting his mother.
“Hey,” He began.
“Hello, Midoriya-Kun.”
Oh. Oh no.
“Would you like to tell me how you got my number, Nezu? Or will I have to earn it next game.”
“I’ll humour you. I looked up your address and all numbers linked to it. I thought you might want to explain why you’re with the Hatsume’s at three forty-five in the morning.”
Midoriya would like to revoke his subscription to life.
“I.. Made a friend. Why’d you need to know?”
“I was… Concerned that you may have been kidnapped to be used as a donkey.”
“Well..” Technically, that wasn’t too wrong.
“Nope, it’s all willing here. You know, Nezu-San, if you keep pretending you care people might mistake you for my father.”
Nezu paused.
“You think I’m pretending?”
“Why else would you act all.. Fatherly ?”
“Because I’m not legally allowed to adopt you yet.”
Midoriya let out a huff of surprise, catching the eye of an intrigued Hatsume.
“Y-yet?”
“The law is a finicky thing, Midoriya-Kun, I’ve told you that a lot.”
Yes. Many times when he was just trying to win the fucking chess game.
“Now, I better leave you alone before Aizawa throws a co-worker out the window. Sleep decently, Midoriya-Kun.”
“You talk to Nezu?!”
“He hacked my computer because I beat him in chess one time.”