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Revenge of the Sleep Deprived Safety Hazards

Summary:

My gift exchange fic (and art!) for the Maribat? Get In! Discord 3rd Serverversary (Serversary?)!

~🦇🐞🦇~

"They’re talking about Goldilocks, Peter Pan, one of the SpyKids, Hello Kitty, and Captain Underpants. One of them stole and/or destroyed the magic beans."

~🦇🐞🦇~

Maribat Awards Winner 2023
Best Oneshot

Notes:

I used two of the three ships and tried to incorporate all three prompts.
Ships: AdriJon (Used), Timari/Timinette (Used), Dickinette (not used)
Prompts: Out of context voice chats, Why you should keep _____ away from _____, Is this a murder mystery or a conspiracy theory?

Hope I did it justice, Mel!

Note: This is post Unity Saga: House of El, meaning Jon is now 17, roughly 2 years younger than Tim and 5 years older than Damian.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Adrien and Jon were cuddling on the couch when the Kryptonian made a face.

Adrien raised a brow at him, amused, “Why do you look like you’re questioning your existence?”

“I caught onto a conversation between Tim and Mari… how long have they been without sleep? They sound more unhinged than usual.”

The blond snorts, “Is this a murder mystery or a conspiracy theory?”

“Uh… I want to say murder mystery, but it could honestly be both. They’re talking about Goldilocks, Peter Pan, one of the SpyKids, Hello Kitty, and Captain Underpants. One of them stole and/or destroyed the magic beans.” With each name added to the list, Jon got more and more confused by what he was hearing. “I’m not sure what exactly is happening, but it sounds like a really weird conversation taken out of context. Though, I’m pretty sure even with context, it would still be confusing.”

Adrien cackled, “Oh god, they’ve lost it.” He froze in horror. “Oh god, they’ve lost it.”

Sharing a glance, the two agreed this meant nothing good, and quickly hid away from the sleep-deprived safety hazards.


Marinette and Tim had taken to talking in code when it came to their coffee (or Magic Beans) and who had taken it that time. It had been a fun day when they first decided on everyone’s codenames.


“Alfred?”

The Butler is rude. Grandfather is too familiar. We want these to be characters, things they won’t easily associate with each other. Father Time?”

“No. Oh! The Collectible. Because he’s worth more than a Penny, so he’s got to be one that’s collectible.”

“Perfect. Bruce?”

“Torn between The Furry and Crazy Cat Lady.”

“Furry is too on the nose. Why Cat Lady?”

“They would assume Selina, who is the inspiration behind it, but ultimately wouldn’t get involved in this.”

“Makes sense. What do we say if he’s off-world?”

Her head is in the clouds. Anyone else can just be out of town, whether they’re off-world or actually out of town. We’ve got too many other people to take care of.”

Marinette nods in agreement. They need to keep it at a limit their sleep-deprived and coffee-deprived forms can handle. “Oh, let me do Cass and Steph!”

“But I wanted Steph to be River Song!” he pouts.

She throws a pencil at him. “Too obvious if you know who that is. Now. Are you ready?”

She pauses for dramatic effect.

FlapJack and Caspar the Friendly Ghost.

“Because she would never want to be associated with Pancakes and Caspar is just as silent but not nearly as deadly as Cass could be if she tried,” he nods, easily seeing her reasoning, though still disappointed about River Song.

“Damian is a SpyKid because he would find it too juvenile, Duke is the Prince, Adrien can be Hello Kitty for various reasons—”

“He’s a CatGirl, he loves anime and manga, you call him Kitty—”

“Jon is Captain Underpants. Clark may be the one with underwear on the outside of his suit, but that just makes it even better. Because if someone did manage to guess the relevance, they still wouldn’t get Jon. Any of the teams can be referred to as the Squad because they’re generally not around anyways.”

“Babs?”

The Matrix. Self-explanatory.”

“Okay, what about Dick and Jason?”

“I’m struggling so hard. Dick is the Golden Boy, so Goldilocks, but he could also be Peter Pan because of the Flying Graysons since Peter Pan can fly.”

Tim nods in acknowledgment as Marinette continues.

“But Jason could also be Peter Pan because his middle name is Peter, and the story was based on a boy who died. I know he’s ‘the boy who never grew up’, but ‘the boy who lived’ is Harry Potter, and he has too many issues with J.K. Rowling to not attack us if, and when, he finds out the codenames, despite enjoying the series. The third option is Little Red Riding Hood, but I feel like that’s even more obvious than The Furry was for Bruce.”

“Okay, definitely not Harry Potter. I think you’re right about Red Riding Hood, unfortunately. Even shortening it to Little Red isn’t fitting. So, Jason is Peter Pan and Dick is Goldilocks. Works better this way. The Outlaws can be the Lost Boys.”

“Is that everyone?”

After a moment of deliberation, they agree those are the codes most likely to be used, and therefore, their task is complete.


“Would they be working for the Collectible?”

“Even if they were, you can’t cross the Collectible. And they need to pay,” Marinette responded.

“Well, the SpyKid wouldn’t have done it. Unless he was slighted first. He’s more likely to add poison to the magic beans than to take them.”

She had to concede to that point. “Well, the Crazy Cat Lady had her head in the clouds, so she’s out.”

“Hello Kitty or Captain Underpants?”

“Too scared of us.”

“As they should be, really.”

“Who’s left?”

“Well the Squad hasn’t been in town, so they aren’t a concern. FlapJack and Caspar the Friendly Ghost weren’t in town either. The Matrix, while in town, has their own secret stash and knows there would be retaliation for messing with ours. The Prince wouldn’t want to face our wrath. That leaves Peter Pan and Goldilocks.”

Peter Pan is with the Lost Boys.”

“Goldilocks?”

Goldilocks.”


Dick hadn’t expected Ladybug and Red Robin to string Nightwing upsidedown from a streetlight. He really should have.

“—and that’s why you should keep your hands away from our coffee!” Red Robin had himself draped over his girlfriend, the two of them holding the Bat-themed coffee cup together, as if it were their child, while Ladybug smiled innocently as if she hadn’t just ripped him a new one over coffee.

Off to the side, Red Hood was cackling and taking pictures. Robin smirked but hid it. Even Batman’s lip twitched, though you would have needed to look closely to notice.

From Metropolis, Jon relayed the information to Adrien, who snickered. It was even better when the two were graced with photos from Red Hood.

Dick was not amused.


Notes:


The following note is purely self-indulgent and really just rambling. Feel free to ignore it 😂 I will not be offended.

 

I must confess that I only know fanon characterizations of the DC characters, so I hope I did them justice (league)😂
I spent more time on the people than the background for the art, because they meant more to me (and the background was lowkey an after-thought).

The process went a little like this:
Oh, Timinette!
(complete the couple but forget Ladybug's yoyo)
Wait, there were prompts 🤦♀️
(try to figure out how to work the prompts into it)
Oh, I can use that! I'm going to string up one of the brothers (with the missing yoyo)
Dick or Damian?
(choose Dick)
Crap I was using white to erase because it made the lines less pixilated, and now putting in a background is impossible.
Welp, guess they're going to have white outlines. Oh well, looks kinda nice actually.
(Finish the art a week early and ask how to submit, despite knowing you won't until you either finish the fic or give up on it)
...go back to the art and adjust a few things the day before it's due, write part of the fic
FINISH the fic on Halloween
...have to go out, so wait a few hours to post and submit
I HAVE 3.5 HOURS UNTIL IT IS DUE, LET ME FINISH THE AO3 UPLOAD

...the end. :)

So, if you read that, you can probably tell I have no chill and no time management 😂 BUT IT WAS WORTH IT TO ME

 

EDIT: OH MY GOD, REVENGE OF THE SLEEP DEPRIVED SAFETY HAZARDS WON BEST ONESHOT IN THE MARIBAT AWARDS 2023?!?!?! I genuinely did not expect to win. Thank you to everyone who voted for me! ❤️❤️❤️

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