Yeah, gotta love his 'really good' screen plays ...snerk...
Hmm, one of those is easy - Skyway is TC's kid cousin (without going into details on how jets make more jets- there's obviously a sub-plot there, otherwise how would those merjet babies happen, later?).
The other one is kinda important, and if it's not clear I will have to find a way to explain it in the story. It's one of those legal things I tried to simplify because including them broke the story. At one point the line "Goodcop passed a pamphlet data chip to Thundercracker, who promptly inserted it into his arm" took many, many paragraphs. I tried to put the most important information into dialogue.
Iacon's solution to overpopulated prisons is to put inmates into spark separated stasis - like the Combaticons in G1. Vos' solution is to use them for labour.
Petty offenders (petty theft, vandalism, being annoying, possession of an illicit substance for personal use) can be given a warning notice. More petty offences or breaching the terms of that notice can lead to fines or cessation of social support - food vouchers, tax breaks, etc., and go on the offenders permanent record.
Serial petty offenders or those arrested for something more serious (aggravated burglary, annoying rich people, possession of drugs for distribution) meet more serious consequences. The states legal resources are structured so that juveniles and those without a criminal record are prioritised - they get a trial quickly. Those who already have a record do not - and rather than spend a lot of money keeping them all in prisons, low risk prisoners are auctioned off to the industrial sector for menial work. Thundercracker can't really buy Skyway, just a contract for his labour while he either awaits a trial or serves out whatever sentence.
Capital punishment exists for major crimes (murder, annoying really rich people, being a druglord).
Being a juvenile essentially down-grades the charge one step. Because Skyway was underage the assault was down-graded to the equivalent of a series of minor offences - he got a record, a clap on the wrist and the family probably paid a fine. Unfortunately having a record is really bad for your prospects if you want to enter the armed services, and as somebody with a criminal record he isn't treated as a juvenile in future transgressions. Thus he doesn't get priority for a trial, is assumed guilty in the meantime, and begins serving his sentence until he appeals and waits for the courts to have time for his case. Technically that's a gaol sentence, but since he's in for a non violent crime he's low risk and qualifies for this messed up indenture/parole thing.
The rules for the buyer are different for a corporation or a personal 'buyer.' A parent/guardian/spouse/etc may get them out for a small fee if they agree to become legally culpable for any offences or parole breaches under their custody. A rich but unrelated person may pay a larger sum again, with different terms (financial culpability); and a corporation can make another sort of contract altogether. The level of consent required from the prisoner varies with different types of contract, but theoretically* there are systems in place to prevent prisoner abuse and overworking. *Questionable effectiveness.
The big orange chica was trying to get herself reclassified as a high risk prisoner.
Sigh... you can see why I couldn't fit that in, right?
Hey, there's nothing wrong with a lot of paragraphs explaining the details of your story. I think I'd welcome them over wondering what exactly is happening when I read ^^;
You just explained everything in a few paragraphs, with additional information to boot, and I think it would fit well within the story. Food vouchers, the time it takes for a petty-level criminal to be proven innocent or guilty- it's all world building, and usually pretty welcomed by the people that read a story ^^. Knowing TC's status in opposition to Skyway's is pretty important, as is knowing the consequences of their actions
If I wrote a fantasy story in which someone lifted his thumb and was them promptly executed, without an explanation as to why it was such a horrendous crime- I will not understand. Was the thumb-lifter the secret chief of a resistance? Is thumb-lifting a very rude gesture? Was it seen as a weapon? Is someone trying to get rid of him by incriminating him for thumb-lifting? If I don't know these things, it's very difficult to understand the severity of the situation.
I figured that the 'buying' was indeed a way of saying that his contract was being bought, but since it was not mentioned as a thought or small bit of exposition, it could very well have been bail-money, or the actual buying of SKyway's person.
I can see why you wouldn't put in all the information just like that, but quite a few of the things you mention are vital to know to understand what is going on and what kind of world they are living in.
The orange chica trying to become a high risk prisoner could have been solved in a simple comment from a guard or enforcer. *The enforcer nudged the leaking frame with his foot. "Hn. Probably tried to get herself igh-risked again, stupid gal."
TC either thinks about why that is a good course of action or he asks: "Why on Cybertron would that be a good idea?"
"Moves your trial up by about a few decacycles." *
Something like that. I don't know why you believe that people would not welcome extra bits of information about your world, but let me tell you that it is quite vital :)
Zatnik (Guest)
on Chapter 5
Sat 18
Apr 201505:35PM UTC
Hmm, I'll give this more thought in the morning... It's about 0130 here...
'" don't know why you believe that people would not welcome extra bits of information about your world,"
Literally everyone who read it told me it was very boring, long winded, and by the time they read about the laws involved they had forgotten what was actually happening in the story. :P
I guess it's more about how I put it in - I'm trying to find ways to give the information naturally... Which is difficult. The story in it's original form spent more time explaining laws, history, politics and religion than telling the story.
Maybe I could make a glossary and hotlink in text to those things that might need explaining. I'll have to see how much I can manage to fit in text.
Love that little snippet of a scene you did there. That'd do the job.
Heh, well, I guess it's mostly about finding the right path in between. I know of a very revered author that writes for Transformers, and who managed to draw out two conversations over the length of 20 000 words
*edit*
Anddd there goes the rest of my f*ckin feature length comment. I even clicked COMMENT, and it just farted out on me. SUch bullcrap.
*blinks* Two conversations that totaled 20k? I'd have blanked out before either of those finished. I don't mind writing dialogue, but there's no real reason to drag out a conversation that long for any reason.
Now if it was a speech, I could understand it, but I still likely would have skimmed through a good portion of it. Who was this author? If you don't want to say here, go ahead and PM me at FFNet.
I don't think you can find anyone that hasn't happened to. Even I've had that happen. Usually, though, I can remember enough of what I wrote that I can paraphrase it.
Err, on further delving, it turned out to be 5 conversations. The conversation itself was not at all that long, but the thoughts of the characters and the exposition in between made it so that it totaled 20 k.
In 'real time', only 5 conversations happen, chronologically, while a lot of information is being given about the current state of affairs, politics, economics and recent history.
The AUthot was Bibliothecaria_D, you probably know her/him :) I think they sometimes get a little overboard with exposition, but in the story I am taking as an example, I was enjoying it so much that I am still debating commissioning the next chapter.
I managed to re-write the comment too, but I just can't handle losing something like that. Pet peeve I guess :)
I've read a little of that story. Seems to be as much description as conversation. The most recent chapter (there is a 4th now) has more exposition, I thought.
I do know that author (and there is no "h" in her author name, by the way. ^_^). She's a fave of mine on FFnet and here.
I do agree about some of the exposition. I've skimmed through or just quit reading some stories since it does get to be a little much. But by and large, she is a very good author.
Believe me, I understand. I haven't just lost comments here. I've lost them on FFnet also. I was never so glad when they put in something that will at least give a brief back-up of the drafts.
Hehe, I always manage to misspell names, egh. It just feels like it needs an H I guess. It's that kind of name XD
The one story I couldn't get through was the one with Jazz/Starscream. It was as if every minute took three 8000 + words chapters to explain @-@ But yea, she's a great author. The only thing I'd wish was that she actually finished some stories. I know she marks some stories as complete, but to me they just really aren't. An entire fic where the Constructicons decide that Ratchet is an ideal mate, so much building, and tension and then it's just.... finished ? Additionally, the story with Jazz/Starscream after the war just made me feel as if Biblio will just tack on new stuff whenever wherever. That's just my personal view. I try to finish the stories I start, but that usually only results in me writing 10 k worth of story and then never posting it because it's not finished.
Oh yea, that is one of the features that FF.net has over AO3 (together with a PM system) I like the way conversations can not allow for multiple people to partake, but it completely devaluates the story stat for comments. 33 Comments don't mean much if they're just you and someone else having a fun conversation :P
I know which story you're talking about. And I do like it, but I can't deny that it does seem like she's rehashing a lot of the same points in several chapters. I don't comment for it like I used to in great part because of that.
I kind of thought that way about the fic where Hound turned out to be that porn star Soundwave was looking for. Ending seemed...I guess you could say anti-climatic to me. But Biblio's not the only author who's ever done either of those things.
Yeah, while Ao3 does condense those into comment strings for statistics, I've sometimes wished for a PM system here. I've had questions about one or two of my on-going stories concerning spoilers, and I've just been fortunate that most of those that have asked me for them so far have also had FFnet accounts that I can respond to for those. But with those who haven't, I've had no real recourse but to dance around the subject. And I don't like the notion of asking for an e-mail on public comments.
I have been informed that PMs might one day be a possibility on this site, but we shall see.
If you'd like to continue this chat (and not here), you know how to find me. ^^
(Seriously sssscrew this website sometimes, deleting my entire comment!)
Long comment short;
I guess it's really about the way it's dispensed :) People usually aren't interested in the precise laws and histories, and prefer a more hands-on approach, as you can see with how few people know details of WW2, but Anne Frank's diary is well read.
World building can be made more interesting when you can view a character's opinion of it. How does Skyway interpret his crime, or his punishment? Is he devastated because he will not be able to get out of it and most likely die? Is he flippant, because he has a way out (even if it's illegal) ... What does he think that will happen to him? How does a dummy like Skyway interpret the more difficult laws?
You can show more about the world by the way a character views it, and overall this is seen as very enteraning stories. A perfect example would be "White Lies" by Bibliothecaria_D. The entire 20 k story is nothing but THREE conversations, with worldbuilding mixed in to give them depth. The main character thinks about the world and the history and the politics, simply by association. He sees how lower-caste peopel are treated, and he thinks of the Senate, and how it came to be in the past and why, and which rules are opressing them - before the conversation or something happening pulls him out of his thoughts and back into the actual story.
A glossary could definitely work, I know of someone else who does it, but I personally do not care as much for the extra exposition, not even when I adore a story. Another option is to make footnotes and put them all in the notes at the end, marking them with '(1) - see notes' or so.
I can only tell you about the way I like to do it, and that is through character and experiences the character has :) It's a way of combining the story with the exposition and character personality all at the same time. It also gives for a great amount of leeway. If you make a mistake, you can simply claim "Oh, but that is no mistake, that is just how TC sees it in chapter 3, not how it actually is, as you see in chapter 14, where I decided to change a minor rule." Though this is best used sparingly ;)
I still stand by my original statement; with all the backstory you invented for this fic, it's just not right to leave it all out. To go and explain everything in great detail is maybe not the best way to get people invested, but that is something that can be worked around with experimenting :>
I'm happy you like my little scene ^^ Thank you :)
Have a good night's sleep, I hope you don't manage to somehow get half your comment erased, and until the next time! *Copies entire comment before daring to post*
Oh, I hate getting comments eaten. I used to write them in gdocs and copy them over.
All the seekers are unreliable narrators, I'm afraid.
Skyway doesn't understand finance, so everything in his section regarding money is so selective it might as well be wrong. (For example, TC isn't really all that rich, and the flock doesn't owe Skyway any money.) Thundercracker doesn't have a high opinion of anyone who can't fly, and Starscream sees the world through Starscream-coloured optics.
I really like some of bibliothecaria's work, it's quite gripping; though I am not really interested in the romantic aspect of anything and s/he tends to have a lot of romance and sexual tension.
Damn my alarm, I'm going back to sleep for a couple of weeks. B.B.L.
Unreliable narrators or not, they have a view of the world taht they live by, and if it was not at least a BIT accurate, it would probably lead to their deactivation. Skyway might not understand finance, but he knows that no money=trouble, and that the Senats is pretty much taking money out of his hand before he even gets it ( or something) Thundercracker disliking anyone who cannot fly is a preference you can work in, and it's all workable. For example;
Thundercracker greeted Brightwing at the door, and watched as teh bright seeker bounced over to a group of grounders. Thundercracker sighed. "It really would be better if he chose his friends a little better." He said.
"Whuh? What do you mean?" Skyway didn't seem too interested, but Thundercracker answered anyway.
"If he had a decent network..."
"Grounders aren't all bad yanno." Skyway shrugged. "The more they work in a mine, the less we have to, right?"
That was not at all how it worked, but Thundercracker just murmured a noncommital answer. *Insert explanation as to why he dislikes grounders, or as to why he thinks brightwing should choose better friends or something*
Eh, I tried.
Yea, a lot of fanfictions go for the sexual or romantical route. You're tackling a more difficult aspect of writing fanfiction. A lot of people just go to these websites for free porn-stories and not the stories. Alarms suck sometimes... Sleep well!
Oh, yeah, it's in there if you look closely. Thundercracker constantly refers to the fact a non-seeker character can't fly (the groundling did x) because to him that's a defining feature. There's so much of this story that'll probably become more overt with time.
Nobody has taken Skyway's money; it's just that he's a kid who hasn't figured out that the world doesn't owe him anything. He's taken a few hard knocks, but as much as it will seem otherwise, it was mostly bad luck. If he had a bit of support growing up he might have turned out differently.
Fanfic porn makes me uncomfortable. No way to tell if something is written by an adult... But a lot of really good stories also have explicit material, so mostly I just skim it.
Some people seem to be reading this, even without romance. I don't know who skywarpx is, but as far as I can tell the only thing they used their ao3 account for was bookmarking this fic.
I hope so :) It's an interesting fic, I honestly don't really know where it's going.
It was mostly an example, but thank you for the refresher ;)
Fanfic porn.... it differs. Sometimes I really enjoy it, but I enjoy a little bit of plot, even if it's just how the characters get together and have problems.
That's a compliment :D Awesome! You were someone's first bookmark! That's like holding a baby and hearing it say your name XD
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Zatnik on Chapter 5 Sat 18 Apr 2015 04:15PM UTC
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Zatnik (Guest) on Chapter 5 Sat 18 Apr 2015 05:35PM UTC
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