Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

to other people, childe had the perfect life. he had a full scholarship for college in football, he was popular, had a perfect family, was rich, had a girlfriend… except he didn't.

“you ready for school, teucer? let's go.” childe asked his brother as he zipped up the little boy’s jacket, then stood up.

“ajax?” teucer asked his brother, tugging on his sleeve.

“yes?”

“i heard shouting last night.”

childe hesitated. “mommy and daddy aren't very happy with me right now. it’ll work out. let's go.” he gave the younger one a smile before opening the front door.

sure, childe was rich and popular. but what good does that do when his parents marriage was falling apart because of him, and he was gay? teucer waved good bye at the entrance of his school, and childe drove off, going to pick up his girlfriend next.

waiting in front of her house, childe hit his head against the steering wheel and rested it there. “what the fuck is wrong with me?” he murmured and shot upright when the car door opened.

“hi baby.” lumine said, reaching back to put her purse, backpack, and extra bag in the back.

“hey lumi.” childe forced a wide grin onto his lips before leaning in to kiss hers when she faced him again.

lumine pulled back, also smiling. “i was thinking a movie tonight.”

“ah, i have practice tonight.” he answered while he shifted the cars gear out of park and started driving.

she hummed. “we should skip today then. doesn't most of your team normally skip first period anyway?”

“yea…” he said, not paying attention to what she was saying. first period. childe's mind guiltily shifted to his purple headed classmate, one that occupied his mind way too much.

“childe? you listening?” lumine asked.

childe snapped out of his daydream, glancing at his girlfriend. “sorry, i spaced out. what were you saying?”

“i was saying that if we skip, we should go behind the bleachers.”

“oh, uh, my grade is falling in film. i should go to class.” he said, knowing full well that he had a 100 in the class. he just wanted to see the guy he’d been crushing on for 4 years.

lumine made a clicking noise with her tongue. “sometimes i forget you're a nerd.” she said with a laugh.

-

“scara! hey!” mona called to her best friend while catching up to him.

“what?” he asked, taking his earbuds out.

“do you have to go to film? amy’s been having a hard time recently so-”

scara glared at her. “yea. i'm failing the class so bad it’s embarrassing.” he lied, stuffing his earbuds back in his ears. amy was mona’s friend. scara and amy never got along, as much as mona attempted to get her two friends to like each other.

“oh, c'mon. you've been so mean to her, you could at least try to comfort her.”

“no. her problems aren't mine. she can deal with them herself.” he sighed and looked up at the sky. it was cloudy and gray.

mona took out one of his earbuds and put it in her own ear. “you okay? you're never in this bad of a mood early in the morning.” she shot him a look.

“i'm fine. my mom has just been a bitch. the normal.”

she glanced at her best friend, he looked like he had a scowl engraved on his face.

mona knew his mom was fussing about his grades again. she cleared her throat. “what song is this?”

“roadkill by solya. can we go to the bathroom? i need to fix my eyeliner.” he said after seeing his reflection in a window.

“yea, no one should be in the bathroom on the third floor west corridor. we still have about an hour til first period.”

-

scara had finished doing his eyeliner and was sitting on the counter with mona standing in front of him while he did her eyeliner.

scara held her face in place. “stop moving or i'm gonna poke you in the eye.” he put down the eyeliner.

“finally.”

“i'm not done, i have to smoke it out with eyeshadow.” mona groaned and moved back for him to finish.

the bathroom door swung open, followed by voices. “he's been acting so strange lately, and he's not talking to me about it either! its honestly worrying…” the voices died away.

mona looked over to the new additions to the room, but scara pulled her face back to finish.

“have you been smoking cigarettes in here?”

scara glanced at the group. it was lumine, nilou and ayaka. they had their fingers pinching their noses to avoid smelling the old smell of cigarettes.

“i take it you aren't in here often? it always smells like cigarettes. anyway, it wasn't us. there was other people in here before.” mona answered.

“take your finger and smudge it out.” scara said, acting like the group hadn't walked into the bathroom.

mona looked in the mirror as she smudged out the eyeliner and eyeshadow. “thanks.”

“i don't want to offend anyone, but isn't this the girls bathroom…?” nilou spoke up, targeting her question toward the fact that scara was a guy.

“we should get to class.” scara looked at his phone and saw it they had a couple minutes.

“excuse me!” lumine said, slightly louder. “i could-“

“what? turn us in? we haven't done anything wrong. or is it the fact that i'm a guy in the girls bathroom? or is it just that we’re easy targets to your subjective habits of turning people in? have you not ticketed enough people already to meet the quota to keep your job as the schools snitch? boohoo, so sad.” scara cut her off, picking up his bag. then he and mona walked past them out of the bathroom.

scara and lumine's rivalry go back a long way. in elementary school, they were best friends. in middle school, she outed him as gay to the whole school, snitched on him for stuff he didn't do and spread rumors about him.

“scara, the fine arts hall is in the opposite direction.” mona said, pulling him out of his thoughts of wishing lumine would just disappear.

“oh. see you.” he put his earbuds back in.

-

scara regretted not skipping with mona. he was bored out of his mind, already knew all the material, and was on the verge of falling asleep. the teacher always just droned on about this and that.

“alright. a quick word before class ends." zhongli, their teacher, said, grabbing most of the class' attention. "the end of the year is approaching, so i'm giving you all a project. you and your partner will pick a movie out of the ones i've selected, write a paper or presentation on it and submit it in a weeks time. the rubric for the project will be on the website. any questions?” he said.

“do we get to pick our partners?” someone asked from the back.

“oh. no, i've picked the partners.” which earned him a collective groan from the class. “i decided it'd be good to have people work together who haven't before, seeing as the end of the year is close. i'll start calling out pairs.”

scara wasn't paying attention again. he had one of his earbuds in and was scrolling on his phone.

“scaramouche, childe.”

scara looked up at his name being called. scaramouche, childe. childe? that one? scara looked over at him, to see him already looking at him.

childe had been absentmindedly drawing in his notebook, and realized he had been sketching scara the whole time when his name was called. his face flushed and he quickly closed his notebook.

childe looked up over his notebook at scara. they'd never spoken, mainly because childe was a blushing mess whenever they made eye contact. while looking at him, scara turned his head and made eye contact. childe opened his notebook and quickly disappeared behind it.

“xiao, yoimiya. that's the last of the pairs. remember, you have until end of the week. class dismissed.” zhongli said, just as the bell rang.

childe had opened to where he had drawn scara multiple times all over the page. he hastily shut the notebook again, just as someone kicked the leg of his chair.

“hey.” scara said.

childe stared for a second. he was even prettier up close. “hi.” he managed to spit out.

scara stared back, with an unamused look on his face. “what movie are we doing?”

“um...” childe glanced at the board with all the movies written on the board. “i've seen them all, so you can choose.” he said nervously.

“cool.” scara said, sounding bored. “here, text me your address. we can't work at my place, so it'll have to be yours. tell me when you're free.” he handed childe a slip of paper with his number on it and left through the classroom door.

childe was left there, sitting at his desk and holding the paper with scaras number.

“childe?” lumine poked her head into the classroom. “oh, there you are. you coming?”

he snapped out of his trance and stood up. “yea, yea. coming..” he said briefly, packing his bag. he walked down the hall with lumine to his second period, staring at the piece of paper and examining scara's handwriting. he'd also left little doodles of random things across the small slip of paper.

-

“scara? you feeling okay?” mona asked for the second time, noticing his silence. they were sitting in the same bathroom from earlier that day, eating snacks in the biggest stall as they were on lunch break.

truth be told, scara was definitely lost in thought. he’d never seen childe so up close, and never realized that he was pretty. scara's impression of everyone on the football team was a stupid jock who had no brains, as he hadn't been treated the best by them in the past. he’d expected childe to be an asshole who made fun of scara for anything and everything. he scoffed at his own thoughts. pretty? pretty ugly. scara thought to himself, mainly to make himself feel better.

“scaramouche! jesus, i didn't know you were capable of shutting up for this long. it's creepy.”

“we have a project in film class, and i got paired up with childe.” scara said suddenly.

“ew, the football player? he's in film?”

“yea…”

“isn't he lumine's boyfriend?” mona asked, biting the head off a gummy shark.

“what? seriously?” scara sat bolt upright.

mona stared at him. “wow, you sure stay away from school drama. they've been dating for at least a year i think.”

scara sighed. just when he thought there was a somewhat good looking guy in this shitty school.

“anyway, maybe you'll finally make a new friend, and you'll join the football team. who knows?”

scara looked at her with massive dislike, which made her burst out laughing. “c'mon, lets get to class early so we can sit at the back.”

-

childe was sitting at the lunch table between lumine and diluc, still staring at the slip of paper scara gave him earlier under the table.

“whatcha lookin at?” itto snuck up behind him and peered over his shoulder.

childe quickly stuck the note in his pocket. “nothing.” he said.

“awh c'mon childe. was it something from lumine?” itto teased.

“what?” lumine asked at the mention of her name. itto laughed and went back around the table to sit down.

“no, it's nothing.” childe sighed and looked out of the glass wall separating the cafeteria from the hall outside. he felt his heart skip a beat as he saw scara walking in the hall with his earbuds in, texting someone.

“childe?” lumine said suddenly to where only he could hear.

“yea?” he tore his eyes away from scara to look at her.

“are you okay? you’ve been spacing out so much today.” she placed one hand on his cheek, and the other ran through his hair to keep it out of his face. her face was plastered with concern.

childe smiled. “of course lumi, i'm just tired.”

lumine dropped her voice down even further and leaned in to say it in his ear. “since you don't have practice because of the rain, you should come over.”

“ah- um. i'll try. i have a project to work on..” he said awkwardly.

she pouted. “why are you so concerned with your studies? aren't you going to be a professional player?”

to make his dad happy, yea. he was going to college for football, but that's not what he wanted to do. he wanted to make art and movies, but he knew it would never happen.

“yea.” childe breathed out.

lumine pulled away to look at his face. “you look really sad. are you sure nothings wrong?”

“i'm sure.” he said with a laugh and smiled. “i'm gonna get to class early.” he stood up and kissed her cheek.

lumine watched him walk out of the cafeteria and down the hall. “what do you think is up with him?” she asked diluc who shrugged.

“not sure what answer you're looking for, but he seems normal to me.” kaeya, who was childe's closest friend, answered.

“really?” lumine frowned. “are you sure?”

“positive.”

she sighed. “no, he's definitely acting different.. what if he has a crush on another girl?” lumine started panicking.

“i doubt that's the case. he's probably just stressed because of assignments. he's in all ap classes, after all.” kaeya seemed unconcerned.

“yea, yea that's definitely it!” lumine nodded to herself. “i'm going to class. see you guys.”

-

scara was sat in his last period for the day, ap history, watching the rain splatter the windows with its heavy down pour. the room was silent, doing a worksheet he had finished in 5 minutes. he looked down at his finished paper, then at the rest of the class, his eyes landing on a familiar ginger.

childe was sitting at his desk with his back against the wall with his knees up to his chest, drawing something in his notebook. his tongue was poking out slightly between his lips, his concentration showing on his face.

not realizing that he was staring, he continued to watch childe from across the classroom as he was the only thing interesting in the room. scara only realized he was staring when childe glanced up at him and did a double take when he saw that scara was already looking at him.

childe had also been absentmindedly sketching scara once again, and it dawned on him in that moment.

the bell rang. “please leave your papers on your desk!” the teacher called while the class got up to leave.

childe took the chance to talk to scara while he was putting books back in his bag.

“um, hey.” childe said, approaching him.

scara looked up at him. “what?”

“you said to tell you when i was free, i am in 2 hours.”

“oh.” scaras expression showed that he’d already forgot about the project. “okay. just text me when to come over.” scara said, pushing past childe.

scara halted at the door, seeing the perfect lumine leaning against the doorframe.

“what?” she snapped. “get moving.”

“cant, your fat ass is blocking the entire doorway. you should invest in a plan on weight watchers, maybe then your boyfriend would actually show you the attention you crave from everyone.”

lumine stood rooted in the spot as scara pushed past her. childe was also shocked, but acted like he hadn't heard anything. “um... are you ready to go?”

lumine was staring down the hall where scara had disappeared moments before. “he is such an asshole.” she said quietly.

“what-?"

“nothing. just take me home.”

-

childe and lumine were sat in his car outside her house, in uncomfortable silence.

“lumi-"

"childe, i know theres something bothering you. what happened over the weekend?" she turned to him and ran a hand through his hair.

"i swear there's nothing wrong." he responded softly.

"there is! i can see it in your expression, childe. you know you can tell me anything."

childe sat in silence for a while. he was debating if he should give up trying to be straight for his dad. he sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. "lumine." he looked up at her. "we should break up."

-

childe was feeling a number of things he couldn't explain. he had broken up with his girlfriend of 4 years because he'd given up. after 4 years, he felt absolutely no attraction to lumine, or women in general. when he got home, he saw a note on the counter from his parents saying that they and his younger siblings had gone out, and they'd be back late. he felt like a horrible person. when childe got back in his room, he stuck his hands in the pocket of his jacket. he’d forgotten all about the piece of paper he shoved in pocket during lunch. quickly pulling out his phone, he entered scara's number into his contacts. he texted scara his address and said that he could come over.

everything else had left childes mind at the thought of scara coming over to his house, and they'd be home alone. how did he even fall for someone he’d barely talked to this hard?

Chapter Text

“scaramouche!”

“scara, your moms calling you.” mona said, steadying her guitar strings.

scara stopped playing as well. “im aware. i was trying to ignore it.” he sighed and stood up from his drum kit.

“what?” he yelled in response to his moms continuous calls.

“come here!”

he cursed under his breath before leaving his room. “what?” scara asked as he walked down the hall into the kitchen.

“i'm going out of town for a couple of days, you're grounded. no leaving the house for anything other than school, and no friends over other than mona.”

“okay, sure, whatever.” scara said dismissively, picking up a piece of paper from the counter. it was his report card with the 89 he got in biology circled.

his mom sighed and ran a hand through her long hair. “miko might be by once or twice to check on you while i'm gone.”

“you'll come back to your only son hanging from the ceiling by a noose if you send that shifty bitch anywhere near me. and i'm serious.” scara added when he saw his mom roll her eyes.

“i think you’re over exaggerating. youre seeing what you want to see.”

scara put down his report card and looked at her. “well of course you'd say that, your opinion on her doesn't matter because you two are fuck-“ he shut up immediately at the look on her face.

“fine, i'll tell miko not to come by. 3 weeks, you're grounded for 3 weeks.”

“yea, yea.” scara turned his back on her and went back down the hall.

“what'd you do?” mona asked when he reentered his room. she was laying on his bed and playing on his phone. “you got a text by the way.”

“i got a B on my report card so i'm grounded for 3 weeks.” he responded as he caught his phone that she tossed to him.

“you know who its from?”

“it's a random number, i'd guess childe though. we’re partners in that project.” scara clicked on his address. “oh gross, somehow i knew he was rich.”

“well yea, i bet anyone who's allowed to talk with lumine and aether has to have a minimum of $1000 petty cash in their wallet. imagine how much you'd need to date either one of them.”

scara looked at his bedroom window, which was covered in droplets from the ongoing rain. he sighed, really not wanting to be seen in a rich kid neighborhood.

“just tell him you're grounded. or tell him to come over here.” she said, reading the look on his face.

he looked at her with disgust. “he is not coming over here. i'm mortified that we’re partners for this stupid project to begin with. and imagine how his friends will react when they hear some low life scum dared to touched their expensive sidewalk.”

mona sniggered. “you've barely talked to this guy and you already hate him?”

“i hate anyone whos close to that bitch lumine. and plus, he's such an asshole. he wouldn't even look at me earlier.”

“i don't blame you. anyway, i should get going. my shift starts soon.” she found her own phone on the floor under scara's bed and checked the time.

“kay, cya.” scara said, not looking up when she pushed his window open.

she slipped on her shoes, not bothering to tie the laces. "and don't think about sneaking out to see that prick, scara. if your mom catches you, you'll be grounded for 3 years." mona said when she noticed him considering it.

"i'm not! get lost already, the rain is going to soak my carpet." he said, sitting on his bed.

"okay, okay i'm going. see you."

mona had only been gone 8 minutes when his bedroom door opened. “scara, i'm going.” his mom poked her head in his room. “goodness, you room is filthy. i expect it clean when i come back.” she bent down and picked up a stuffed animal that was sitting next to the over flowing trash can and threw it at his back.

he didn’t respond, just kept typing on his phone while laying on his side. she sighed and closed the door. once scara knew she was gone, he sat up and looked at what she threw at him.

it was a gift he’d gotten from dottore the last valentines day before they broke up that he recently found. he groaned and threw it as hard as he could against the wall. he flopped back down on his bed and stared up at the ceiling.

“i fucking hate men.” he said into the silence.

-

scara ended up telling childe he was grounded after forgetting to respond for an hour, in turn he was left on read. scara rolled his eyes and scoffed.

in reality, childe was screaming with his face in his pillow. his muffled string of curses along him banging his fists on the mattress gave him the look of a toddler throwing a tantrum. why did he have to be grounded? childe wasnt even mad about the project, it was more so losing the chance to be alone with scara.

over the hour scara didn't respond, childe checked his phone at every notification he got. most of them were asking why he broke up with lumine. he groaned, realizing how messy school was going to be tomorrow. and he still had homework.

sighing deeply, childe got out of bed and headed to his desk, pulling his backpack with him. he stared down at his half completed essay and no thoughts came to him relating to the topic.

what was distracting childe further than his own thoughts was his phone lighting up every few seconds. “god, shut the hell up.” he said under his breath as he put his phone on do not disturb. he put his earbuds in and turned the volume to max, hoping to drown out every thought in his brain.

-

“he's completely ignoring everyone, kaeya.” signora said to him over the phone. she was sitting in an arm chair, painting her nails.

“i'll just go over to his house.” kaeya responded, grabbing his keys from his dresser.

signora sat up straighter, her face mask slipping off slightly. “wait, pick me up before him, i wanna come too.”

“yea, yea sure.” kaeya said and ended the call.

about 10 minutes later, kaeya pulled into the parking lot of signoras apartment complex. “i can't believe this is the reason why we’re meeting up after 6 months.” he said as she opened the passenger side door.

“well, that's my kinda fault. college is hard!” she said, shutting the door and pulling down her jacket hood.

“you're barely a year into it and it's already hard?” kaeya asked, waiting for other cars to pass before pulling out of the lot.

“shut up, you'll know how i feel in a year!” signora crossed her arms and looked out the window. he chuckled quietly. “what's going on with childe anyway?”

“well, he broke up with his girlfriend earlier. apparently he said some pretty shitty things to her, but you know how lumine is... anyway, i doubt he's even looked at his phone over the past couple hours.”

“well, i mean we did tell him not to date her in the first place…” signora trailed off, playing with the hem of her skirt.

“i know, but it's not really his fault. he didn't go to middle school with her so he had no idea.”

“we did warn him though.”

“yea, can't deny it. but i have to admit, they were kind of.. perfect.” kaeya said, running a hand through his hair.

signora considered that for a moment. “maybe that was the problem? they were too perfect?”

kaeya looked at her like she had grown 3 heads. “i don't know who’s stupider. you or childe, i think you guys are tied.”

she clicked her tongue and looked out the window. the rest of the drive was silent.

“oh, his parents aren't home?” signora asked out loud as they pulled next to the curb right outside his house.

kaeya didn't respond, but he turned off the car and got out, shielding his head from the light rain with one of his arms. “looks like he is though.” he said, pointing up to childes bedroom window, where the lights were on behind the curtains.

childe was laying on the floor, spread out like a starfish, after giving up trying to work his essay. he was staring straight at the ceiling while ‘i think he knows’ by taylor swift played in his earbuds. he briefly heard the doorbell ring over the music blasting in his ears. he groaned and sat up, taking his earbuds out.

taking his time to walk down the stairs, childe checked all the notifications he missed. most of them were asking him about lumine. he rolled his eyes and turned off his phone when he reached the bottom of the stairs.

“hey childe.” signora said after he opened the front door.

“oh. hey. what're you doing here?”

“because!” kaeya started as he swung an arm around childes shoulders. “you weren't responding so we had no choice but to make you respond.”

“can we go get food? i'm starving.” signora said, leaning against the wall of his house.

“i don't-”

“too bad. get your shoes, let's go.” kaeya pulled away from him, and hit him on the back. “you have 3 minutes to meet us in the car!”

childe sighed but couldn't help smiling slightly. he pulled his shoes and varsity jacket out of the coat closet by the stairs and slipped them on, shortly joining his two best friends in the car.

“wherever we end up going, we want you to sit down and give us answers. i don't like being kept in the dark, y’know.” kaeya said when childe climbed into the backseat and closed the door.

“alright, alright.” childe sighed.

-

“here?” childe asked, getting out of the car. they were at a park that the three of them used to go to all the time when childe and kaeya were freshmen.

“we should come here when you guys graduate, memories y’know?” signora said, throwing her mcdonalds bag in a nearby trash can.

the rain had toned down a tenfold, there was only a slight drizzle in the air. kaeya climbed up the playground structure and sat down on the platform, childe and signora following.

they sat in silence for a few moments. “..well?” signora asked, looking at childe.

“well what?” he asked, shocked at the fact that both of them were staring at him.

she looked at him dumbfounded. “why did you break up with lumine?”

“oh, well.. you know..” he looked around, anywhere but at his two best friends.

“nuh-uh. don't give us that. why actually? you guys were like, perfect. you never argued and always seemed happy. this is so out of the blue.” kaeya cut across him, crossing his arms.

“yea, you guys were cute!”

childe sighed, deciding to just bite the bullet. “i'm gay.” he responded quietly, still not looking at them.

“what?”

“i broke up with lumine because i'm gay.”

-

scara woke up to someone shaking him aggressively and beating him with a pillow. “fuck off, what?” he grabbed the pillow from the attacker and hit them back.

“scara, we are gonna be late.” mona said, shaking him between each word. "get up!"

he sat up, looking around and saw mona standing in front of him. the window was open and amy was standing outside leaning on her arms that were propped up on his window sill, looking bored. he shot her a furious look before swinging his legs out of bed and stretching. “what time is it?”

“7:58.” amy answered, checking her phone.

scara took off his shirt, and picked a different one off the floor. he smelled it, made a face and tossed it back on the floor.

“maybe your mom's right, you should clean your room.” mona said, leaning against the wall.

“you wanna help me?” he asked sarcastically, skimming the clothes in his closet. he grabbed a tank top, threw it on and ran out of the room.

“where are you going?” mona called after him.

“i can't stink like shit the way you do!” he called back which made amy snigger.

he walked back in 7 minutes later with one shoe on, a different pair of jeans on, a jacket hanging off his shoulder and his hair a lot less messy.

“wow, that's record time.” mona said, looking over amy’s shoulder at the clock. “what time did you fall asleep?”

scara grabbed his earbuds and shoved a few papers in his backpack. “i don't know, i was trying to pull an all nighter and laid down for a second.” he struggled to put on his second shoe while mona climbed out the window.

“i'm coming fuck wad, be patient.” he said when mona poked her head back into the window and opened her mouth to say something.

the three of them ended up skipping first period because by the time they got to school, the classes were already half way over. they were in the girls bathroom on the third floor west corridor when the bell rang.

"no mona, respect has to be earned. and if you don't-" amy was cut off by scara as they were leaving the bathroom.

“ah, shit. i have to go to my locker.” he said, searching through his backpack.

“what're you missing?”

“biology homework. i put it in there after i finished it in class yesterday. i'll see you at lunch.” he sighed and walked in the opposite direction, mona and amy's continued argument slowly died away as they separated.

by the time he reached his locker, theres was only 3 minutes of passing period left. scara opened his locker and a couple papers fell out. it was just about as messy as anything he had, but like his room, he knew where everything was.

“after a year, you still haven't decided to clean that out. i'm surprised you can live like that for so long.”

scara froze in place, he knew exactly who was standing a short distance behind him by the voice. looking over his shoulder, scara was shocked to see who it was, despite knowing already.

“dottore.”

Chapter Text

“dottore.” the name left scaras lips before he even saw who it was. they both stayed silent for a few moments, staring at each other and wondering who was gonna talk first. “i'm surprised you can even walk still, considering how inflated your ego is. you'd think you'd be floating around...”

dottore chuckled. “you gonna stop avoiding me now?”

“don't hold your breath. i would've liked to postpone this meeting even further, but i can see how desperate you are.” scara turned his back on the other and continued sifting through his locker.

“hey c'mon.” dottore walked up behind scara and put a hand on his lower back.

“don't touch me.” scara said quietly to avoid drawing attention to them, as there were still other people in the hallway.

dottore kept his hand where it was. “why are you treating me like i'm the bad guy? you broke up with me.”

scara shoved dottores hand away, forcing himself to look directly into his ex’s eyes. “we’ve been over this already. you cheated on me. if you think i was going to take that lying down, you must be more full of shit than i thought.”

“but that didn't mean anything, it was just a fling-”

“i honestly don't give a shit.” scara said flatly. “how do you think i felt when i heard it spreading it around? that you and aether made out at one of those stupid parties?”

“that-”

“what were you gonna do if i hadn't found out? were you just gonna continue our relationship like nothing happened?” scara sighed when dottore didn't respond. “if i wasn't so disgusted i'd laugh.” he found his biology homework and slammed his locker shut, walking away without a second glance.

why did dottore come back now, after almost a year? he cursed under his breath when the bell rang, of course he was late.

-

“come on, childe. i'm starving, lets just go to the cafeteria.” kaeya said, leaning against the wall outside while childe was sitting next to him.

“go then.”

kaeya sighed. “you shouldn't switch up what you do because you broke up with lumine.”

“oh yea, i even dare to walk by her and she bursts into tears. i wasn't even mean to her!”

“whatd you say? i forgot to ask last night.”

“i said ‘lumine, we should break up. you're an amazing person but it's not working out.’ i called her an amazing person, knowing full well she's a…” childe couldn't think of a proper word to describe what she was.

“a cow.” kaeya finished his sentence for him.

“or any other insult under the sun. anyway, after that she started sobbing and got out of the car.”

“well, not much you can do about it now.” the two went silent for a while, not knowing what to say. “seriously, i didn't have breakfast so i'm going to at least get chips. and it's hot out here.” kaeya pushed himself off the wall and stared down at childe, who sighed and stood up.

the rain had stopped completely but there were still dark clouds in the sky, the sun barely peeking through them. the humidity was making the heat awful. the pair walked through the courtyard, trying to avoid drawing attention to themselves.

“i'm going to class early.” childe said and started walking in the opposite direction.

“you suck.” kaeya said, following him.

“you swallow.”

-

“did you guys hear that childe and lumine broke up?” amy asked the two others.

“i don't really care.” scara said dismissively. they had to navigate to a different bathroom as a teacher was waiting by the one they normally went to for lunch. “i just hope lumine's suffering.”

“same. that bitch totally snitched on us. probably because that's the only thing she's good at. no wonder she got dumped.”

amy was sitting on the counter playing with her hair. “she was never mean to me.”

“she totally talked major shit about you behind your back, that's a fact.” scara said from where he was sitting in the corner, scrolling on instagram and drinking strawberry milk.

“yea. lumine talks shit about everyone.” mona agreed. she was also sitting on the floor, working on her physics homework.

“don't we also do that?” amy asked, and the whole group exchanged glances.

-

scara was in an empty music classroom, doing extra work for biology and silently cursing his mom. if he didn't get his grade up before the end of the year she would give him the most miserable summer on top of already harassing him to apply for colleges. his phone started ringing and he nearly snapped his pencil in half. it was mona.

“what?” he snapped as he answered the phone.

“hey. i just heard from kazuha who heard from diluc that childe's looking for you.”

“for fucks sake, why?” scara rubbed his temple.

he heard mona sigh from the other end of the call. “don't you guys have that project together?”

“oh, fuck. i forgot.” he scrambled to pack up his things when the door opened with a knock. quickly ending the phone call, he turned to see who it was.

“hi. am i interrupting?” childe was standing at the door.

scara looked at him from across the room. “yea, get lost.” he acted like he wasn't just frantically shoving things in his backpack.

“right.” he answered, and the door closed.

scara let out a sigh of relief, running a hand through his hair.

“we have a project to work on and i don't like procrastinating.” childe said into the silence, a red tint forming on his cheeks.

the other jumped, fully thinking childe had done as he asked. “holy shit, are you always this annoying?” he saw childe wasn't looking at him and rolled his eyes.

the ginger was hiding his face, he didn't think being insulted would have this much of an effect on him.

“whatever, let's just do this project or something. my house is off limits.” scara stood up, resuming his act of shoving all his stuff in his backpack. he stood up and swung his backpack over his shoulder, and picked up his phone to choose a different song.

thinking about his parents for a second, childe cleared his throat. “so is mine.”

scara stared him dead in the eyes. does he really not want to be seen with someone like me that bad? jeez. he thought to himself, then sighed. “okay, sure. whatever. we can go to the library or something.”

“right now?”

“didn't you say you don't like procrastinating? let's go.” he opened the door and made sure no one was in the hallway.

childe quickly caught up to the other and they walked in silence to the library. the ginger wouldn't admit it, but he’d never actually been to the library. he didn't even know where it was. following his crush to a library alone sounded like a fever dream.

scara, on the other hand, was dreading the whole thing. he actually started cursing out their film teacher in his head about halfway to the library. his thoughts were rudely interrupted by someone calling childes name when they passed by the cafeteria.

“hey childe!” a guy scara had never talked to came running up, with two other guys. “there's a party this saturday after your game. you're coming, right?”

“oh, um- maybe.. i'm kind of busy, but i'll let you know.” childe glanced at scara, who scoffed and rolled his eyes then turned to walk down the hallway. childe panicked and quickly excused himself from the conversation, catching up to scara.

“do you not know the way to the library? you're following me like a lost dog. it's annoying.”

“er..”

“forget it.”

-

the two had been working in silence, writing their separate thoughts on the film scara picked. it was a horror movie they'd both seen. scara had finished and was doodling something in the corner of the page when childes phone dinged.

scara looked up and saw the others face go slightly pale while he looked at the notification. “what?” he asked blankly.

“just my parents. anyway, it's getting late so we should probably go home.” childe smiled awkwardly as scara continued to stare at him. he felt his cheeks heat up when his crush didn't say anything.

“fine.” scara said eventually, closing his notebook and putting it in his backpack.

the two left the library in silence, both not knowing what to say and both equally awful at small talk. by the time they left the school, they’d noticed the sky was dark, and filled with clouds that were yet again pouring rain.

“are you fucking kidding me?” scara grumbled angrily under his breath as he pulled his jacket hood over his head. about to step out into the rain, childe stopped him.

“um, do you want a ride? i can drive you.” childe held his breath. “if you want.” he added quickly at the look on scaras face.

he looked around, and saw no one. “whatever.”

childe wondered if that meant yes or not. “my car's this way.” he pointed in the opposite direction scara had started walk before childe asked to drive him home.

scara didn't respond but gave him a look, so childe starting walking toward the parking lot where his car was, still shielded by the overhanging roof over the front of the school as scara followed. the rain was fast to drench them both as soon as they stepped out from underneath the roof. childe started a quick jog to his car, which was nearly a run to scara, who was very unathletic.

the two made it to the car, both completely soaked. throwing his backpack in the backseat, childe started the car. scara put his bag on the floor infront of him and pulled off his hood. he successfully kept water off his face and hair, childe was a different story. he was soaked head to toe, literally. he sighed and pushed the wet hair out of his face. scara was unintentionally staring. hard.

childe took off his jacket and also threw it in the backseat. “here, put in your address.” he said suddenly, handing scara his phone.

what the fuck? i swore i'd stay away from men who play sports, what the hell was that? scara though to himself as he typed his address into childes phone. he handed it back and stared out the window, wondering why he had taken in so many details of childes appearance that whole time they spent together.

he had dwelled on it so much that by the time he stopped, they were already pulling into his neighborhood.

“wait, stop here.” scara said suddenly and childe hit the breaks.

“why?”

“my mom has cameras and i'll get my ass beat if she sees some random car dropping me off.” scara responded, unbuckling his seatbelt. childe could've sworn he heard him mumble “bitchy old hag” right after. “anyway, get lost. i don't want anyone seeing your stupid car here.” scara opened the car door, and pulled his hood up once again to avoid the rain.

“um, right.. we can probably go to my house tomorrow. if you want.”

“whatever. bye.”

childe was very thankful for the dim streetlights and dark sky so scara couldn't see him turn bright red. he hit his head against the top of the steering wheel and tried to calm his heart rate down. scara looked even prettier in the rain and street light to him, it was almost ethereal. their first time completely alone wasn't how he envisioned it, but childe couldn't help but take in all the details he could about scara. everything about the guy that had just left childes car was simply.. beautiful. it wasn't until he got another text from his dad that he had sat on the side of the street trying to process the entire evening. he hoped that he could keep a grasp on how scara looked sitting across from him in the back corner of the library at a table. childe had a feeling that his journal entry for the day would be all about his peculiar and embarrassing crush of 4 dreadful years.

Chapter Text

scara walked into his room after he’d just taken a shower to find mona laying on his bed scrolling on her phone. “hey.” she said, drawing out the end of the hey. “how was your date with childe?”

“shut the hell up and get out. i didn't say you could come over.” scara said finding some hair clips on his dresser and clipping his recently dried hair out of his face.

“oh c'mon, let's do face masks or something. i need help with my history homework too…”

“and what do i get out of it?”

“i'll help you clean your room tomorrow.”

scara found his backpack on the floor near his desk and went to check if anything inside had been damaged. “yea, whatever.”

“oh, can i stay the night? my moms drunk again and my dad's working a late shift.”

“i don't care. i have to re-watch the movie i'm doing for this stupid film project, i forgot most of the plot…” his mind wandered to the familiar ginger that had been lingering in the back of his mind. mainly how he looked when he was focused, like he was earlier while writing about the film. and how dimples appeared on his cheeks when he smiled.

“hey, scara! get your head out of your ass, i'm talking to you.”

“i know, i was ignoring you on purpose.” he stood up and walked out of the room.

“what movie is it anyway?”

“i forgot, some horror movie.”

-

the movie had just finished and the two were sitting in the living room, mona doing her history homework and scara finishing up his notes. “this is so boring.” she tossed her notebook on the coffee table and swung her legs out of his lap onto the floor, standing up.

“what else should we do instead?” scara asked sarcastically.

mona hummed. “are we going to the football game on saturday?”

“in your dreams, maybe.” scara picked up her history homework. “you are so bad at history, it’s embarrassing.”

“that's only because you didn't help me.” she said, walking into the kitchen. “can we go out for food?”

“has your brain grown so smooth that you forgot i'm grounded?” he asked while basically doing her homework for her.

“let's watch another movie then, i have this really good one about astrology.”

-

“wow, you look horrible.” kaeya said to childe as he walked up to him, who just got done with practice.

“i was up all night doing homework.” childe responded, which was half of the truth. his dad had figured out that his son and lumine broke up, and he re-watched the movie for his film project as well.

“no way you stayed up that late. you always finish your homework in class anyway.”

“same thing. what're you doing here anyway?” childe ran a hand through his hair. “i mean, aren't you always showing up to school 5 minutes before class starts?”

“oh, my dad is mad i got my lip pierced so he doesn't want to see me.” kaeya said casually. “like when you got your ears pierced.”

“don't remind me.”

kaeya laughed at his response. “did you spend your night working on that film project? who’s your partner again?”

“scaramouche.” childe said, thinking of him which made his cheeks go slightly red. has he always been that awful, that he blushes just thinking about him?

the other stayed silent for a second, trying to think of who scaramouche was. he hummed when he thought of something. “does he have dark purple hair? always hanging around the one with the pigtails? mona, i think… she's in my physics class. oh, he dated dottore too, didn't he?”

“yea, that's him!” he said, a little too enthusiastic.

kaeya pulled open the door to the school and cold air from the building hit them. “my god, they keep it so cold in here. it's like a freezer compared to outside. anyways, what's scaramouche like? he always seemed to be glaring at everyone and everything when i got a glimpse of him.”

“um… well, he's… he's cool. i mean, he's mean sometimes but he's pretty.” childe had stopped speaking for a second then realized what he said. “pretty cool, i mean.”

unfortunately, kaeya had also realized. “did you just call him pretty?” he said, an amusing look on his face.

childe stopped dead in his tracks as his face turned a bright shade of red. “no. i didn't.”

“you totally did. i'm telling signora that right now.”

-

“do you always wake up this early?” scara asked while walking out of the bathroom and into his room.

“no. i wake up about 40 minutes from now normally. i just set an alarm last night so you didn't sleep in.” mona responded, still scrolling on her phone. her hair was still slightly damp from a shower she took and she was wearing scara's clothes.

“you look like shit in my clothes. go get something from your own house, you live, like, right next door.” he grabbed his shoes from his floor.

mona groaned. “fine. i'll be back.”

-

the pair decided to pick amy up on their way to school, since they had so much time. “wow, we’re actually early. we can stop by the corner store on our way.” amy said, checking the time on her phone.

“ooh, yea we should. i wanna get something for lunch.”

scara wasn't paying any attention to the other two, he had one earbud in and was looking over his notes for the film project. “hey scara, you want anything?” mona asked while he walked on ahead.

“just a soda or energy drink or something.” he said briefly while reading over what he wrote down in his notebook.

“kay.”

-

the three of them had to move to a different bathroom yet again. “i mean you’d think she’d be humbled after childe broke up with here, but no! when we walked into the store, she and her minions were just leaving. she totally laughed at mona!”

“she laughed at you too, amy.”

“no one laughs at me.”

scara scoffed. “yea, they do. you're just too dumb to notice it. i would say dye your hair but even if you weren't a blonde your stupidity would remain the same.” he said, which amy seemed to not hear. “mona, look at this.” he shoved his phone in her hands.

“what?” she looked at his phone screen and saw a it was an instagram post from lumine. “oh gross, she's already with a new guy?”

“or she's just trying to make childe jealous. either way, she's so embarrassing its making me cringe.”

“wait.. scara. dottore requested to follow you again.”

“give it here, i'll just block him. he's been petty ever since i made him take all the posts he made with the two of us down. oh, that reminds me. we spoke yesterday in the hallway when i went to get my biology homework.”

“you did what?” monas mouth was agape and so was amy’s. “what did he want?”

“the usual.”

-

childe was sitting at his usual table with majority of its members being part of the football team. a little ways away was where lumine and her group of friends were sitting, mainly the cheerleaders. childe wasn't hungry so he decided to look around the cafeteria in hopes of finding scara. his arms were folded on the table, and he was resting his head on them, like he was going to sleep.

“you should eat some of this childe, you're gonna start losing your muscle if you don't.” itto said from next to him, pointing to his lunch.

“no, it's fine. i'm not hungry.”

“your break up with lumine getting to you? i know how you feel, when me and my girlfriend broke up…” childe tuned him out as best as possible and just managed to see scara walking along side a teacher, mona, and a blonde girl he hasn't seen much of, outside the cafeteria. from what he could tell, the mona and scara looked rather angry while the blonde girl looked ashamed and embarrassed.

“...you know?” ittos voice reached childes ears once more which made him jump up slightly.

“huh? oh. sure.” when childe looked back to see scara again, they had disappeared. “damn.” he said quietly and laid his head back down. he heard kaeya laughing quietly. “shut up.”

-

“um, hey.” childe said, approaching a familiar face with purple hair. “we can't go to my house today either, so um we can just go to the library again?”

scara took his headphones out of his backpack. “it's fine. we can go to mine.” he thought about what happened earlier that morning, at around 2 am. mona had pulled him off the couch after he’d finished her homework and the astrology movie, saying she was fulfilling her promise and they cleaned his room.

childe was clearly not expecting for scara to invite him to his house. “okay.” he cleared his throat awkwardly. “sounds good.”

“..well, let's go.” scara said, standing up.

“now?”

“no, i'm inviting you over 9 months ahead of time. yes, now.”

-

scara didn't believe this was happening, neither did childe but for a different reason. the two turned onto the street of scara's house. it was rather warm outside, which annoyed scara. for some reason, this was the most annoyed he’d been in a while. every little thing was pissing him off.

“you have to come in through my window.” scara said, walking onto the grass between his house and another's, the other following. “wait here.” he stopped by his window. childe didn't say anything as scara walked back around to the front of the house.

scara opened his front door, took off his shoes and jacket, and walked back to his room. to no surprise, mona was laying on his bed. “hey.” she said casually.

“get out.”

“no, let me stay here until my dad gets home! you know how my mom is.”

scara sighed. “whatever. i don't care. but you're leaving right after, you're really annoying so don't speak.” he pulled back his curtains and unlocked his window.

“sure, sure he works late anyways. you going out?”

“no.” he pushed his window open and childe soon climbed through.

the ginger looked around the room, and was in awe as he slipped off his shoes. it was very well decorated, and looked exactly how you’d think it would. his eyes landing on a familiar flag hanging on the wall to the right. it was until he heard scara and someone else arguing that he focused on what was actually happening. childe cursed mona out in his head after realizing that he and scara wouldn't be alone.

“you know i suck at bio. didn't i tell you to shut up before? your loud mouth is really distracting.” scara huffed, and sat down on the floor, pulling is backpack toward him. “we should start working on the presentation if we want to be done by tomorrow.”

“oh, uh- right.”

-

scara sighed, typing something on his laptop. childe was doodling in his notebook, as he was waiting for scara to be done making a rough draft. mona was attempting to her biology homework while laying on scara's bed.

“can you at least give me your notes?” she said suddenly, making childe jump slightly.

“no.”

“you don't take notes in class?” childe asked.

she groaned in response. “no, i don't care about biology.”

“you seem to be caring a hell of a lot now.” scara said monotonically, not looking up from his laptop.

“i won't care tomorrow, but my dad will." she whined.

childe was digging through his backpack. “here, i think these are my bio notes from when i took it in sophomore year.”

“you're a life saver. i think my dad would flip if i failed another class.”

the room went silent again, the only thing that was heard was the keys on a keyboard being hit and a pencil on paper. mona flipped through childes notebook, his notes were neat and his handwriting was nice. on some pages there were drawings on the sides of the pages, which were quite good.

after about a minute mona completely forgot she was looking for biology help, she became focused on finding every single one of this guy that childe often drew in his sophomore year. the guy seemed pretty familiar in a way, but the drawings perspectives were always done from a far away angle so she couldn't tell. she looked up briefly at scara then did a double take before her jaw dropped.

“scara, can you go get me something to eat?”

he stopped and looked at mona like she’d grown three heads. “no fat ass, go get something yourself.”

“please?” she dragged out the vowels. “you haven't eaten since this morning, i know you're hungry too.”

he looked at her weird. “fine, whatever.” he slid the laptop off his lap before standing up and leaving the room.

childe didn't realize he was being stared at until he saw mona out of the corner of his eye. “...what is it?”

she flipped the notebook around. “who is this?” mona said with a mischievous smile on her lips.

to say childe turned bright red would be an understatement. “um...” he stuttered as he felt his cheeks grow hotter by the second.

“you drew him quite a lot you know…” mona teased.

childe was speechless and mortified. he completely forgot about the drawings he did. is this how he was going to be found out?

“so.” mona clasped her hands together and leaned her elbows on her knees. “what's the deal with-”

just then, scara's door opened and he walked in carrying 3 red bulls and a bag of chips. he tossed mona a can and the bag of chips, then he tossed childe a can. he caught it. “you drink this trash?” childe asked, looking at the label and trying to play off his obvious embarrassment.

“yea, this 'trash' keeps me awake since you and your boring voice can put anyone to sleep.”

“scara you know i hate these.” mona scrunched her nose at the chips.

“that's the only thing i have other than like one pack of ramen and i didn't want to cook.”

she looked at him and sighed. “just ask your mom to ask miko to get you food.”

“ew, fuck no. i'd rather starve.” scara opened his can of red bull and pulled the laptop toward him again.

throughout the rest of the evening, mona kept glancing at childe with a knowing look on her face, which he chose to ignore. mona wasn't the only one who kept glancing at childe, another person in the room kept doing it unknowingly. scara was looking at childe so often you'd think he was painting a portrait and childe was the model.

“shit, it's late.” mona said, looking at the time on her phone. “my shift starts in 20 minutes.” mona scrambled to gather her stuff and shoved her shoes on while muttering curses under her breath.

scara watched in amusement and childe was relieved he wouldn't be stared down anymore. “i'll give your notebook back tomorrow, childe. i still have to finish my homework.” mona said, shoving it in her backpack then pushing the window open.

“you should tie your shoes.” childe pointed out.

“no, don't. it'd be comical to see her fall flat on her face.”

mona had already gone out the window and it was almost closed. silence fell in the room once again. scara sighed dramatically and closed the laptop. “let's take a break.” he stared right at childe.

he blushed slightly. “um, sure... like what?”

scara continued to stare before sighing again and looking away. “god, you're boring. i don't know. i just don't want to do this anymore.” he gestured to his laptop.

childe leaned against the wall and scara found himself staring again. something about the red head pissed him off, but he couldn't place what it was. just looking at childe made him mad. maybe it was because he was so pretty. even from the few feet away they were sitting from each other, scara was focusing way too hard on the others features. from his eyelashes to his freckles to his… lips.

scara flushed bright red. what the fuck is wrong with me?

Chapter Text

“you okay?” childe asked, seeing scaras red cheeks. he was completely clueless.

scara didn't hear him. his mind was racing with many thoughts. what the hell am i doing? he's not even my type. he's rich and he's… pretty. no. he's on the football team and he's just another one of those-

“scara!” he jumped in response. “are you okay? you zoned out for a second.” childe was staring directly at him.

“i was just thinking about random shit. whatever, lets watch a movie or something.” scara played it off and stood up. he didn't even know why he was being so nice to childe. “come on!” he yelled after childe didn't follow him out of his room.

-

scara picked the movie and they were silent for most of the time. childe was pretty focused on the screen so he jumped when he felt a bump on his shoulder.

scara had fallen asleep and was leaning on his shoulder.

childe took a couple seconds to process it before flushing bright red. what was he supposed to do? he looked around and decided to turn off the tv, take scara to his bed and leave quietly. he shut the movie off and shifted to pick scara up. when he turned, he and scara's faces were about 2 inches apart.

if it was possible, childe turned an even brighter shade of red, finding it really hard to take his eyes off scara's features. he was extremely beautiful up close. he pushed his thoughts down and picked him up, heading to his room.

he set scara down and pulled the blanket over him then bent down to put his shoes on. he wasn't paying attention to what he was doing, his mind was filled with how absolutely pretty scara looked up close. childe was then quickly humbled as he remembered that he had to walk back to the school to get his car before driving home.

-

“how much sleep did you get? you look like shit.” mona said when they met up outside scara's house to go to school.

“barely any..” he responded, but he was thinking about how when he woke up around 3 o’clock in the morning, he was in his bed and childe was gone. he vividly remembered being in the living room and watching the movie. did childe carry him to his room?

“oh, i still have to give childe his notes back. i swear he saved my life with them, i would've completely flopped on the homework and i wouldn't have anything to study with.”

scara ignored her. “we’re early again today.”

“that’s because you insisted.” mona yawned.

scara stopped and glanced over at the football field, and saw they were just getting off practice. mona stopped walking when she realized scara wasn't next to her. “oh come on, i thought you weren't into sports players anymore?”

“i'm not. they just look stupid when they run.” scara stopped looking and continued to walk toward the school entrance.

“i get it, you just want to look at the guys on the football team.” mona jogged a bit to catch up to the other. the hallways were empty and the only thing they heard was their own footsteps. “you're so lucky you have time for a boyfriend, i'm so behind on studying for all these tests. my next art one is gonna be a nightmare.”

“you'll do fine, you're just worrying too much because of how much shit your mom talks. she couldn't tell a dime from a quarter even if she was sober.” scara said walking up the stairs and opening instagram. “i don't have any time for a boyfriend anyway. i don't need nor want one.”

“well, what about you and childe?”

scara stopped dead in his tracks with a disgusted look on his face. “what the hell are you talking about?”

“what are you talking about? he's your type and he totally has a crush on you.”

“are you delusional? he is as straight as you'll ever come by. your gaydar is broken.” he started walking again, mona following. “and he is not my type.”

“i think you're the delusional one. i'm 99.999% sure he's into men.”

“no i'm definitely not delusional, you fucking idiot.”

“yes you are.”

“i hope you trip over your skirt and smash your skull in.”

“if you're so sure, then ask him yourself.”

“no.”

“then i will. i have to give his notebook back anyways.” she stopped and turned around to walk in the other direction.

“are you actually?” scara called after her but she ignored him. “what a headache.”

-

childe walked out of the locker room and didn't expect to be greeted, not by kaeya, but by mona with his notebook in her hand.

“hey childe.” she said casually.

“oh, um... hey.” he said awkwardly. he was normally outgoing and confident in front of people, but now that she’d seen his drawings, it was very awkward. especially now that they were alone.

“i came to give your notebook back.. also i had a question.”

“oh thanks. um, what is it?”

“not that i need to ask, because i already know…” she looked around to make sure there was no one around. “you're gay, right?”

childe froze. “um...” he hesitated and cleared his throat. “uh, no… um.. what, what lead you to that conclusion?” he realized after that he stuttered horribly through that sentence.

monas stare screamed ‘unimpressed’. “right. that was even more convincing than just saying yes. it's fine, your secrets safe with me. i'm gonna be honest, it was kind of obvious now that i look back on it. you have a crush on scara, don't you?”

childe didn't answer, he just looked down the hallway.

“i won't tell him.” mona said after a few seconds of silence.

“tell who, what?” a voice suddenly spoke not too far away from the two. it was kaeya walking toward them.

“does he know?” mona asked childe.

“yes.” childe muttered behind the hands over his face, he was clearly embarrassed.

“know what? also, i didn't know you guys knew each other.” kaeya was now standing next to them.

“know about childes sexuality cris-” mona started to say when childe kicked the back of her knee so she stumbled slightly.

“shut. up.” childe said through gritted teeth.

“oh.” kaeya said drawing out the end of it. “he told you? did he also accidentally slip up and mention his crush on-”

“oh my god. shut up!”

“no. i figured it out on my own. you should look through his notebooks.”

“what does he have in there?”

“nothing! its nothing. we’re leaving.” childe shoved kaeya.

“its no use childe. kaeya and i have classes together.” mona said, walking along side the two best friends.

“my love life is none of your business anyways! you guys suck.” childe stopped pushing kaeya and turned around to walk the other way, utterly mortified.

“...so what does he have in his notebooks?”

mona realized she forgot to give childes notebook back. “oh, well… they're not mine to show. you'll have to ask him yourself.” she held his notebook close to her chest.

-

after mona left scara alone in the hallway that morning, he hadn't seen her since. now that it was half way through lunch time and scara was left alone in the bathroom with amy, he was getting annoyed.

“you talk so much. shut the hell up.” scara stood up and grabbed his backpack. “i'm going to find mona.” he left the bathroom before he could hear amy's whines and insults.

mona and kaeya had stayed in their classroom, caught up in conversation when they realized it was already halfway through lunch. “where do you normally eat lunch anyway? i never see you in the cafeteria.”

“scara hates the noise so we eat elsewhere normally. he sometimes gets stared at too.” she purposely avoided mentioning that they ate lunch in a bathroom.

“aren't you going to go?” he asked when she kept following him.

“i forgot to give childe his notebook back this morning.” she gestured to the blue notebook in her hand that she’d been carrying. “ill just give it and go. i also think i should apologize. though, i don't think i've ever even been inside the cafeteria…”

“it's nothing special… its mainly just cliques at their different tables talking about whatever.” he walked down the stairs. “i sit with the sports players because my brother and childe are there.”

“you don't play?” mona asked, genuinely surprised.

kaeya chuckled. “hell no. i'd rather die.” he pulled the cafeteria door open.

mona immediately spotted the different tables as she followed kaeya. to the back right was the football players and not far off was lumine's table. childe was talking to cyno, who looked very serious in conversation.

kaeya sat down across from them and mona plopped the notebook in front of childe who looked up. “oh, thanks.” he sounded casual, but panicked on the inside.

“no, thank you. i would've failed without them. anyway, scara's probably mad at me by now so i'm out. cya kaeya.” she said and walked back to the cafeteria door. she didn't realize a certain pair of eyes were staring her down, like she did something wrong just then.

“what's wrong, lumi?” someone asked, breaking her concentrative stare at the girl who just left through the cafeteria door.

“nothing, nothing.” she smiled.

-

scara still hadn't seen mona the whole day, and his last class of the day had been canceled due to the teacher leaving early without getting a substitute. there was unexpected voices around the corner of the deserted back hallway he always took as a shortcut, making scara stop.

a small ways away, childe and lumine were arguing in the middle of the hallway.

“i thought this was gonna be over, lumine. i don't want to fight.”

“you and kaeya both are hanging around that whore mona. i still have feelings for you, ajax! you know how much i hate you hanging around another girl.”

“don't call me that, you know i prefer my nickname. monas a lesbian anyways, so what does it matter to you? i broke up with you because i don't have feelings anymore. i don't want you back, or anything to do with you. i'm sick of your shit. don't call someone a whore before you realize it takes one to know one.” childe snapped. he was shocked those words even left his lips.

“oh yea?” lumine challenged, though you could tell she was holding back tears. “what does it matter to me? because i still love you! i always have! i gave you everything, everything yet you still left me!”

“you gave me everything? seriously? i stuck my neck out for you, defending you every time someone talked their shit knowing you talked it more. i wasted time and money on you, gave you all my attention from the very start! this relationship was doomed from the beginning. it's always been one sided.”

“that's a lie, and you know it! what's the real reason you left me? was it your parents? were those old-”

“don't fucking talk about my parents.”

“then let's hear it! why’d you leave me, ajax? i have a reason to know.” lumine was sobbing now, and scara kept extremely still and quiet. he was shocked they ever had problems or fought.

childe stayed quiet for a couple seconds. “fine, you wanna know? i don't fucking care anymore. tell you who want. i'm gay, okay? i like guys. that's why. you happy?”

lumine went silent. her crying stopped and she stood in place. scara was the exact same way, he knew he should've walked away a long time ago but his curiosity kept him rooted in the spot.

“how long have you known?” lumine said quietly.

“what does it matter? you gonna tell everyone, like you did with scaramouche in middle school? me being gay isn't the soul reason i broke up with you, you know. since no one says it to your face, i will. you're a horrible, ungrateful person whos undeserving of your fortune and it shows. you're a bitch with no sense of being a good person. i'm done with this conversation.”

“you said i can tell who i want?” lumine said quietly as childe walked past her.

“yea. tell the whole school, its not like they’ll disagree.”

“i see you've been hanging out with scara?”

“no, i haven't. but i'm sure he’s much better to hang out with than you and your pathetic group of insecure bitches. you're 18, lumine. what the hell are you doing? you're not in middle school anymore.” childe said and started walking away.

scara only realized a couple steps away that childe was walking in his direction. he had so much to process and a lot less time to think. he had completely forgot about being mad at mona and needed to talk to her. and fast.

he quickly slipped inside the empty classroom door he was nearby just as childe walked by him. scara waited for about 5 minutes and walked out when he was certain that the coast was clear. the bell had just rung so scara quickly walked to monas class.

by the time he got there, she was just walking out the door. “i have so much to tell you.” he said, yet again forgetting to be mad at her. he pulled her by the wrist and they left the school, going straight to his house. as they approached his house, two familiar cars were sitting in the driveway. his mom was home and miko was also over.

“you’ve got to be shitting me.”

Chapter Text

“what?!” mona practically screamed after scara told her all that he had overheard. the two of them had quickly walked away from scara's house when they saw ei and miko were home, and went to a nearby park. “that's, like... wow.”

both of them sat in silence for a few seconds, not knowing what to say. “wait, i was right. childe is gay.” mona said suddenly, making scara scowl and look away. he hated losing.

“i don't give a sh-” scara was cut off by his phone ringing. it was his mom. he sighed and answered it. “what?”

“aren't you supposed to be home by now? you're not sneaking around somewhere, are you?” she asked skeptically.

“no, mom. i'm walking home now, i got caught up helping my history teacher sort papers.”

ei was silent for a second. “scaramouche, if you don't turn your location back on right this instant... you're already grounded, get home. now.” and the phone call ended.

he rolled his eyes and stood up. “see you.” he mumbled to mona and walked down the small staircase leading up to the top platform of the playground structure, where they were previously sitting.

on the small walk back home, he thought about how he could tell his mom that childe had to come over so they could finish their project. when scara opened his front door, sounds of laughter echoed throughout the fairly empty house.

“i'm home.” he said, but it couldn't be heard over the voices in the kitchen.

he walked into the kitchen to find miko and his mom having wine at the kitchen island.

“oh, scara. you're home.” ei said, only noticing him when he opened the fridge.

“you went shopping.”

“yes, i did.”

“did you get more ramen?” he opened the pantry and looked around.

“no i didn't. it's bad for you, i told you to stop eating it.”

scara bit back a retort, remembering he and childe needed to finish their project.

“i know a good alternative, if you're willing to try it, scara.” miko chimed in and he ignored her, especially after seeing the sly smile on her face.

“hey mom, i know you said i can't have anyone over but mona but i have a project to finish with this guy…”

“are you asking me if you can have someone else over?” she asked bluntly.

“yea.”

“did you get your biology grade up?”

“yes. it's a 92 now.”

she sighed. “did you clean your room?”

“you already checked for yourself, didn't you?”

she sighed again. “fine. but don't sneak him in through your window, i'm tired of you doing that.”

“yea, yea. sure.” scara said.

while scara walked away and down the hall, he heard his mom and miko start talking about him.

“he is such a handful sometimes. i don't know how i raised him to have no manners.”

scara sighed as he closed his bedroom door. “you didn't raise me at all, you bitch.”

-

childe was laying in his bed, listening to music (specifically taylor swift) when he got a text from one of the only people he kept his notifications on for in hopes he’d get a text from. it was scara telling him to come over.

he shot up out of bed immediately and almost tripped while running down the stairs. he slipped on his shoes without tying the laces and grabbed his jacket out of the closet. he struggled slightly to put his backpack on, and felt his soul nearly leave his body when someone grabbed his hand. it was his little sister and not too far away was his mom, holding a basket of laundry.

“where are you going in such a hurry? dinners almost ready.” childe's mom paused to tell her son at the bottom of the stairs.

“oh, kaeya and signora wanted to meet me somewhere so i was just going…” he said briefly to his mom, letting tonia play with the bracelets on his wrist.

“ajax, can i have this one?” his sister asked. childe looked down at the one she was pointing to.

he smiled. “tonia, you gave this to me as a birthday present, like 2 years ago. i'll make you one later tonight, just pick out the colors, okay?” he patted her head. “i'm going to head out now.” he bent down to tie his shoe laces before standing upright again and grabbed the front door handle.

“you know the rules, your father and i will be up waiting for you.”

“yes mom.” childe said before leaving through the door and closing it quietly behind him.

-

childe was not expecting to meet scara's mom so soon, and this wasn't how he expected it to go. he had been talking to her for about 15 minutes now, and she seemed very fond of him. or his answers to her many questions at least seemed to please her.

“oh, i'm sorry. what did you come here for?” she asked suddenly.

“oh, um... scara and i have a project to finish.” he remembered, and stopping tuning everything else out. he could hear drumming from not far away.

“that's right! his room is at the end of the hall and on the right.” she pointed.

“thank you.” childe said like he didn't already know, gave her a smile, and walked to scara's room. as he approached, he was certain the drumming was coming from scara's room.

he didn't bother knocking since scara probably wouldn't hear him. when childe walked in, scara was sitting at his drum set opposite of the door and stopped playing immediately when he saw childe.

“did you knock?” he asked, taking out his earbuds.

“yes. you didn’t answer so i just walked in.” childe lied quickly.

“what manners.” scara said sarcastically, running a hand through his hair. “you should've just walked in.”

“um, right.” childe closed the bedroom door.

scara stood up from his drum set and grabbed a water bottle from his dresser.

“do you play guitar as well?” childe asked, noticing the guitar next to his drums.

“yea. mona is better so she normally plays instead. she's a bass player, though.” scara turned around and looked at him, who was now sitting on the floor leaning against scara's bed. “why?”

childe shrugged. “it's really cool.” he said softly with a smile.

scara didn't respond, he just turned back around and organized things on his desk. “we’re almost finished, right?”

“uh, yea.” childe said awkwardly. he took notice to scara's appearance. he was wearing a black tank top and pink hello kitty pajama pants. he didn't realize he was staring until scara turned around and looked at him weird.

“what?” scara asked, holding his laptop.

“nothing.” childe quickly answered and looked away as he felt himself turn red.

this time, it was scaras turn to stare. for some reason, childes flustered face made scara feel like he just won something. he wasn't sure what, but definitely something.

-

by the time the two finished, the sun had already set and it was pretty dark out. scara's bedroom door opened, making them jump.

“childe, are you staying for dinner? i'll make something.”

“no.” scara said quickly and gave childe a death stare.

“um, no. my mom wants me home.”

“okay. also, scara you have laundry in the machine; i need it.” she said before closing the door.

scara waited a couple seconds to make sure she was gone. “she sucks at cooking. she almost blew up our kitchen once trying to make a sandwich.”

“…seriously?” childe said, thinking he was joking.

“yea. seriously. normally her girlfriend cooks when she's over.”

childe picked up his phone. “i should probably get going.” silence fell over the two.

“hey, um, childe?” scara was about to tell him that he overheard his conversation with lumine when his window suddenly opened and mona climbed through.

“un-FUCKING-believable.” she said and slammed the window shut.

“what?” scara snapped after he was just given a heart attack.

“you'll never believe what my mom just- oh, hey childe.” mona said calmly to childe as she slipped off her shoes. “can i spend the night?” she asked scara.

“yea, whatever. what'd your mom do? not that i care.”

“she kicked me and my dad out for the night so she could have someone over. he told me to come here so he could find a hotel somewhere, but god.”

“what would you do if i said you couldn't sleep over?” scara yawned.

“i'd go ask your mom.” she laid down on the floor. “did you guys finish your project?”

“yea.”

childe wasn’t paying attention. his dad texted him.

“childe?”

“yea? um, sorry. i should go.” he turned off his phone and stood up.

“you okay?” mona lifted her head up to look at him.

“yea, fine. my dad just texted me. um, i'll see you later.” childe said before leaving.

“what happened to him?” mona asked scara who shrugged.

-

childe was sitting on the floor of his room with all his younger siblings watching a movie on his tv while he made a bracelet for his sister. “here tonia. i'm finished.” he smiled.

tonia practically jumped up and ran over to him.

“there you go.” childe said after he tied it around her wrist.

she hugged him tightly then went to go show her younger brothers, which made childe's smile grow.

“ajax! come down here!” his dad called from downstairs and his smile faltered.

“should we pause it, ajax?” anthon asked.

“no, it's okay! keep watching without me and tell me about it when i come back.” childe gave his siblings a wide smile before closing his bedroom door. he realistically did want them to pause it, but in case he and his dad got in an argument he didn't want them to hear.

“yes?” he asked when he reached the kitchen.

“son, we’ve had a lot of patience with you, but you're just about sending me off the edge.” childes dad started immediately.

“what-”

he cut childe off immediately. “i got a phone call from your girlfriends parents. or, she would be your ex girlfriend now, correct?”

all the color in childes face drained and his mouth went dry. “um...” he stuttered.

“ajax, we’ve let a lot of things slide. where did you go earlier?”

“with kaeya and signora.”

his dad sighed. “you've been hanging around kaeya a lot.”

“don't start that, dad. please.” childe pleaded and ran a hand through his hair.

“no, i will start it! i don't want you hanging around kaeya anymore.”

“how many times do i have to tell you? we’re just friends, dad.” childe argued, holding back tears.

“i'm doing this because i care about you. i just want you to be happy.”

childe had no response, he was biting his tongue to keep him from crying.

“ajax! your phone is ringing!” anthon's voice called from upstairs, which made his dad sigh.

“i better not hear that you're hanging out with kaeya still. look after your brothers and sister while your mom and i are out.”

childe sighed. “coming anthon.”

when he got back to his room, his phone was still ringing. it was scara.

“scara. hi.”

“hey loser. you left your jacket here.”

“oh, um… i think i can come get it.” childe said. it might have been from running up the stairs really fast, but childes heart was racing like crazy. scara sounded really nice over the phone.

“yea, whatever. hurry it up.” scara ended the call.

“we’re leaving!” childes mom called from downstairs.

childe let out a breath. “let's go get ice cream.” he said to his siblings and grabbed his car keys off his dresser while quickly walking out his bedroom door. his brothers and sister got ready quickly and met childe downstairs.

“ajax, why are we getting ice cream?” tonia asked reaching for childes hand as he locked the front door.

“because,” he held her hand back as they started to walk down the path to the driveway. “i feel like it.” he said coolly like he wasn't just freaking out a couple seconds ago.

-

scara and mona were watching american horror story in the living room. mona was on the couch crocheting a bag and scara was on the floor leaning against the couch with his abandoned homework laying on the coffee table.

the doorbell rang, making scara jump. he sighed and stood up, grabbing childe’s jacket that was sitting on the arm of the couch while walking to get the door.

as scara expected, childe was at the door. he was on his phone but immediately put it in his pocket when the door opened. “hi scara.” he said softly.

scara stepped onto the porch and closed the door behind him because he knew mona would be nosy. “hey. here.” he pushed the jacket into childes hands.

“thanks.”

the two stood there and stared at each other for what felt like eternity. childe was extremely nervous that scara could hear the rapid beating of his heart, but he couldn't hear childe’s over his own. scara's mind was racing with many thoughts from how pretty childe looked and all of his features to remembering what he had told himself after dottore broke up.

“well.” scara suddenly said. “get lost. bye.” he said quickly as he backed up against the door, felt around for the handle, opened the door then slammed it shut.

childe cleared his throat then remembered where he was, and quickly turned around to get to his car. when he shut the drivers side door, he immediately banged his head on the steering wheel and the horn went off.

scara had slid down against the door and was sitting with his face in his hands trying to calm his heart. he hated childe.

right?

Chapter Text

NO FOOD TODAY SORRY, ive been real busy with school (BOOOO) SO UMMMMM yea im putting this on hiatus until i have at least 3 chapters done that im satisfied with… ive wrote, deleted and rewrote chapter 7 at least 6 times in the past 2 weeks, yikes 😭

im trying to get better at writing angst and not moving the plot a giant amount each chapter IW ANT THIS TO BE SLOW BURN YK..

sorry if this isnt super professional or whatever AND IM NOT GONNA BE ONE OF THOSE WRITERS THAT GETS HIT BY A TRUCK AND HAVE MY WHOLE FAMILY MURDERED BETWEEN CHAPTERS 😭😭😭😭

okay ily, ill be back asap with at least 3-5 chapters, maybe more YAY 🧡💙

Chapter Text

scara was staring off into space while walking to school, he was so out of it that he almost walked into open traffic. he cursed under his breath, waiting for the cars to stop. he felt a drop on his head and looked up at the sky. it was starting to rain.

“are you fucking kidding me?” scara said. it was the one day he decided not to wear his hoodie. scara was getting more pissed off with each raindrop that fell on his head and on the ground.

suddenly, someone walked up beside him. “why are you just standing here? you’ll catch a cold.”

scara, recognizing the voice, whipped his head up at the person. childe was standing here looking down at him with an umbrella in his hand. but he’d purposely positioned it to where only he was under it. scara glared at his face, feeling his hair starting to get damp.

childe was smiling down at him with the biggest shit eating grin, which pissed scara off even more he was surprised a vein didnt pop in his forehead.

“maybe i want to catch a cold so i can die knowing it'll be your fault.” scara snapped and faced forward again, waiting for the light to turn white so he could walk across.

“then i'll leave you to it.” childe said and started walking across the street a second later when the light switched. his face was red and his heart was racing.

scara scoffed and jogged a bit to catch up to him. “you fucking suck.”

childe continued to smile like an idiot and put the umbrella over both of their heads.

“i don't want your stupid umbrella.” scara scowled, but didnt do anything to move it. “i hate you.”

“i know.” childe said, a silly smile still on his lips.

‘fuck. hes pretty.’ scara thought to himself, looking up at childe.

-

scara sat in biology, barely staying awake as he looked at the rain splattering the windows. he wanted to leave class; he was bored out of his mind. he looked at the clock on the wall and saw the bell was about to ring. they had a test and he had finished fairly quickly, so he was left sitting and staring out the window.

the bell rang and scara picked up his backpack.

“hey, scara, right?”

“what?” he looked up at the two random people who just walked up to him.

“are you dating childe?”

he stared at them with a blank expression, processing their words. “am i what? speak clearly.” he said.

“dating childe…? sorry, we overheard lumine talking about it. she said childe told her you were dati–”

scara didn't have to listen to anything else they were saying. a twinge of pain hit his left temple as he sped out of the classroom to find mona, who he knew she’d be heading the the third floor west corridor bathroom.

the bathroom door slammed open, making mona jump, and also kaeya, who was sitting next to her.

“what the fuck, scara? what is your deal?” mona said, clutching her heart.

“that bitch lumine is spewing bullshit to anyone who’d listen, again!” scara fumed.

“what? what’re you talking about?”

“two fuck wads in biology just asked me some stupid fucking question, asking me if i'm dating childe!” he said, throwing his backpack on the floor. “childe! and me? what the fuck? and then they started saying this shit, saying lumine was telling everyone that childe told her that we were dating. as fucking if!” scara paused, staring and waiting for either of them to say something.

mona stared back, processing what her best friend had just said. “...wait, you don’t think childe could’ve actually told her that, right?”

“of fucking course not, he wouldn’t. sure, he pisses me off but he wouldn’t do that. and the last time lumine harassed him, he told her to fuck off, called her a bitch and said he was gay! i was there, remember? she accused him of it, but he shot it down immediately!”

“wait, what?” kaeya said, shocked. they forgot he was there. “you were there? like, you heard everything they said?”

scara closed his mouth immediately. he hadn’t told childe yet. “not on purpose.”

kaeya blinked. “scara… does childe know?”

he sighed and looked at kaeya, starting to feel a bit guilty. “no.” scara said quietly after 15 seconds.

“you little shit! you said you told him.” mona cut in.

“i forgot!” he said defensively.

“you have to tell him! you eavesdropped on his important conversation.” mona stood up. “you're going to tell him right now.”

she started pushing him toward the door. “kaeya, what class does childe have before this?”

“i don't know.” he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “he's probably in the cafeteria, though.”

“oh no. no, no, no. i am not going into the cafeteria.” scara stopped moving, and rooted his feet to the floor. “no way.”

“either that, or make it awkward and do it in history class.”

scara sighed and cursed under his breath. “i hate you.”

-

childe was sitting at the football player’s lunch table, with his head down and sitting between itto and diluc, like normal. he sighed and his eyes fluttered closed, not listening to anything in particular, his lunch long abandoned.

“childe, dude.” itto hit his shoulder and childe opened his eyes.

childe looked up and blushed. bright red. scara was standing in front of him, glaring at him scornfully. childe felt his heart flutter, because fuck. he was so pretty.

words. why couldn't childe form any? where were his words.

“can we talk?” scara said through gritted teeth.

“uh- uhm, yea.” childe cleared his throat after tripping over his words. “yes.”

childe felt the blush burning his face, all the way up to his ears, as he followed scara out of the cafeteria. after almost falling flat on his face when he stood up and tried to get out of the table bench. scara didn't look at him while he walked to the band hall, where he knew it'd be empty. he finally stopped and childe almost ran into him.

“look…” scara trailed and blew out a breath. he played with the strap of his backpack for a while, staring at his feet. childe stood in front of him patiently.

“we can do this another ti-” childe started playing with his earring subconsciously.

“no. look. i really hate you.” scara cursed himself out in his head. ‘great start, idiot.’ he cleared his throat. “but… i'm,” he sighed. “i'm sorry.”

childe was taken aback. “sorry? for what?”

“i… iaccidentallyoverheardyourconversationwithluminetheotherdayafterschool.” scara rushed out quickly and then went quiet, waiting for childes response, still staring at the ground.

“...what? i'm sorry, i, i didn't catch that.” childe said nervously. he did, actually. every single word. he just wanted to hear scara say it slower to make sure he heard it correctly. or because he liked hearing scara speak. definitely the first one.

scara looked up at his face and bit down on his lip, then sighed. “i'm sorry because i accidentally overheard your conversation with lumine the other day after school.”

“oh.” was all childe could say. he honestly wasn't mad, he just hoped he didn't blurt out to lumine that he had the fattest crush on the prettiest man in front of him. he’d completely forgotten what he said to her that day. he smiled sheepishly. “um, thank you for apologizing, but i honestly don't care. she's probably told everyone what i said already-”

“she's saying that we’re dating.” he said, nonchalantly; completely putting aside that he was freaking out, pissed the fuck off earlier.

childe was frozen in place, but his face was burning. “she said that? did i say that?” he blurted out.

scara looked up at him finally. childes normally pale skin, covered in freckles, was now pink and the freckles were almost blending in. “what? no. are you okay?” scara asked, as he felt his own face growing a bit hot.

“um, i'm fine.” he said weakly and looked away from scara.

the two stood in awkward silence for a while, not knowing where to look or what to say.

“i'm sorry lumine is saying that.” childe said eventually. “i wouldn't mind dating you, though.”

childe didnt realize what left his lips until scara looked up at him with wide eyes. childe shocked himself, and the only thing running through his brain was shit, fuck, shit. “uh, um, er, the bells about to ring so i should get going. bye.” childe sped down the hallway, which was the opposite direction for his next class.

scara was left alone in the hallway, standing there staring after the blundering idiot that just sped off down the hallway. “what the fuck?” scara muttered as he pulled his sweater collar up to cover the blush coating his cheeks and speed walked down the hallway as the bell rang.

history class was going to be awkward.

Chapter Text

“it couldn't've been that bad, childe! what'd you say to him?” kaeya was standing outside of the bathroom stall childe shut himself in.

“it was so fucking embarrassing. i'm so fucking embarrassing.” childe muttered. he was mortified at what he said to scara earlier.

“what'd you say?” kaeya leaned against the stall door, getting impatient.

childe was sitting on the toilet with his face in his hands, which was still very red. “he brought up what lumine was saying about me and him, us dating i mean.” he started quietly, and kaeya immediately stopped whining to listen. “and then…” he drew in a breath. “i said i wouldn't mind dating him.”

kaeya started cackling immediately. “no way!” he said, between laughs. “oh my god. i cant breathe.”

“shut the fuck up! i was so embarrassed, i literally sprinted down the hallway. he looked at me like he wanted to strangle me. and i hate myself because he was so fucking pretty, i don't even know what i'm doing or what's wrong with me.”

after 30 seconds, kaeya's laughter died down and he wiped away tears from his eyes. “you're so obvious, i cant believe i'm friends with you. and you ran away after? childe, i cannot.”

“yes i ran away! what else was i supposed to do?”

“fair point. what are you going to do in history class next period? i mean, you guys are in the same class.”

“drop dead, i hope.” childe stood up and opened the stall door, making kaeya stumble and fall backward. he walked up to the mirror and checked how he looked. great. a mess.

kaeya walked up behind him and threw an arm over his shoulder. “well, you'll get through it. and who knows? maybe he likes you back and lumine's shitty rumors will actually come true.”

childe laughed. “yea, fat chance.” he made eye contact with his best friend in the mirror. “he looks at me like he wants me to die.”

“even if that is the case,” kaeya sighed. “you two are a lot closer than you’ve ever been. i gotta get back to class or ‘madam faruzan’ will get all pissy that i'm skipping calculus. see you.” kaeya patted childes shoulder, picked up his backpack, and walked out of the bathroom.

childe sighed and left the bathroom about 2 minutes later, feeling just as foolish as when he walked in.

-

“he said what!?” mona exclaimed after scara told her what childe had said. she was literally mortified for childe, and how obvious he was.

scara didn't say anything else, he just sat in the corner of the bathroom and leaned his head against the wall. he and his thoughts were drowning in guilt.

mona realized he had a scowl on his face, alongside the blush he couldn't get rid of. or the butterflies as he replayed what childe said in his head. “scara? you okay?”

“no. i have a headache. i have to go to class.” he said, standing up, and leaving the bathroom without saying bye.

he felt like shit, and probably looked like it too. he dragged his feet to his classroom, and dreaded going to history. he wondered if childe would try to talk to him. apologize? maybe. if it wasn't for childes facial expressions, scara would've thought he was joking when he told him that he wouldn't mind dating him.

but childe wasn't joking. and that was the problem. scara's been pushing away his feelings for childe, and they're spilling over the edge, drop by drop. scara was overwhelmed with school and his mom that he couldn't afford a boyfriend, or fit one in to his minimal mental capacity. and lumine's rumors weren't making that any better, if anything it was stressing him the fuck out.

scara sighed while walking slowly down the empty hallway, and after thinking it over for the millionth time, he found a solution. his number one solution for everything. be a dick, push them away, and hope they leave him first. it always worked, and it'll definitely work on childe; he was like a puppy looking for an owner, and scara was definitely not that.

“does it take 10 minutes to use the bathroom, scaramouche?” the teacher snapped when he reached the class.

“for you, yea. old fucking lady.” he mumbled and walked to his seat. i fucking hate this class.

-

childe was sitting at his desk in history class, his head resting on his arms, and his leg nervously bouncing up and down. it was still passing period, and he was scared to look to see if scara had come in. he could not believe he let that slip out.

the bell rang and the teacher started talking, so childe picked his head up and opened his notebook. scara was staring back at him all over the page. he cursed himself out in his head, wondering what the fuck was wrong with him. he sighed and closed his notebook, paying attention to what the teacher was saying.

childe had always been grateful that he sat alone. until today.

“we're going to watch a short news clip. i want you to right down all the important parts, then discuss and share with the person next to you… childe and scara, if you wouldn't mind, please sit together for this.”

childe didn't compute what he said until scara was walking over. fuck. this. class.

scara put his notebook on the desk next to childe and sat down, not even acknowledging him. theres no way childe was the only one embarrassed about this.

as much as he tried to focus on the video and write stuff down, his gaze always went back to scara.

with about 8 minutes left in class, the short clip ended and the teacher told the pairs to talk. about a minute went by of awkward silence between the two, it was suffocating.

childe awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. “um look, i-”

“if you're about to apologize, i don't care. i hate you, because you're pathetic.” scara cut him off, picking at the skin around his nails.

anyone normal would've been hurt by those words, said with so much malice. childe was blushing up to his ears and he could feel his heart slamming in his chest. “right, sorry.” he stuttered out eventually, covering his face with his hand.

childe felt like a psycho. he was blushing at the fact that someone said they hated him and called him pathetic. maybe because it was his crush. maybe it was because he felt like scara didn't actually mean it, and that scara actually meant the opposite, which meant he was actually in love with him. …or maybe he was delusional, he wasn't sure.

scara sighed next to him, which made childe remember where he was and who he was to scara. there was about a minute left of class. had 6 minutes of silence gone by already? “and i meant that. we aren't friends or close, or whatever you think we are in your head. i just used you for a good grade, so get lost.”

childe didn't respond, but he did feel his heart rate increase rapidly. was he getting heart palpitations? fuck.

-

scara felt like shit. not like the normal shittiness he felt. but like an actually awful human being. when he told childe he was only using him for a good grade, and looked at him, he felt even worse.

okay. great. he knew childe liked him now, but the way he looked at scara made him feel like shit. he looked at scara like he was the best thing in the world, something he never got from dottore or kazuha.

scara was sitting at his desk, attempting to do homework, but he couldn't shake the warmth in childe’s eyes. he slammed his head down on the wood. “fuck.” he cursed, more at himself than the pain, as his heart raced.

“scaramouche? you okay?” ei poked her head in his room, and saw him sitting at his desk.

“fine.” he mumbled, and waited for her to leave, but she didn't.

ei sighed. “scara, i'm worried about you.” she walked in his room, closed the door, and sat down on his bed. “is everything okay?”

“everything's fine, mom.” he picked his head up and closed his laptop, still not looking at her.

she sighed again and stood up. she didn't say anything, but she walked over to him, instead of to the door. “scara, i know i've been absent most of your life.” she hugged his head gently, and he didn't fight it. “and i know you aren't ready to welcome me back in, but i'm trying my best. you’re my son, and i love you, no matter what you might think.”

when he didn't respond, she stopped hugging him and turned to leave.

“mom.” he stopped her after she opened his bedroom door. “im in a situation."

Chapter Text

bawling his eyes out to his mom and opening up to her was not in scaras new years resolutions, but here he was. he wiped his eye with his sleeve (which got runny eyeliner on it) and waited for his mom to respond.

he ended up telling her everything. well. almost everything. he left out the part that he was purposely going to be pushing childe away.

after a couple seconds of silence, ei looked at him. “i'm honestly not sure what to say, honey. i'm sorry.” she pulled him in for a hug.

scara stayed silent even longer, and ended up crying again. “i didn't expect you to.”

rather than feeling better, scara felt worse. he was never supposed to let his mom in, or anyone in for that matter.

scara pulled away from the hug and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. “i'm going for a walk.”

ei opened her mouth to say something, but realized he just needed to clear his head and she wasn't helping. “be safe.” she said quietly before he slammed his window shut.

his shoes weren't even tied, and he had no idea where he was even going. he’d left his phone sitting on his desk, and he’d only thrown a jacket on over his pajamas, a t-shirt and pink hello kitty pajama pants. it was lightly sprinkling, and the streets were wet from the rain earlier.

scara felt like a fucking idiot, to say the least. he had no thoughts, but a billion at once. all centering around childe. fuck, what?

walking, with no destination in mind, carried him to the park nearby his house. it was old, he never really noticed the playground structure’s paint chipping, or some things rusting.

he walked up the stairs to the top platform, just wanting to be alone, but someone was sitting there.

and it was the last fucking person he wanted to see.

childe.

-

childe had left his house in anger, as his parents started probably one of their most heated arguments they'd ever had. kaeya and signora both had work, so he had nowhere to go, but he definitely did not want to be home.

he felt like crying, but he couldn't. its not that he purposely kept himself from crying, just most of the time nothing would come out. he was in his car, sitting at a stop sign on an empty street, with no where to go.

he leaned his head against his steering wheel, and he couldn't stop thinking about anything and everything. this was probably the worst day he’s ever had.

he was brutally rejected by his crush, though the hurt was only settling in now. his parents found out about the rumor at school about him and scara somehow, and they were pissed. he couldn't shake what it felt like to know his siblings watched as his father yelled at him, and his mother slapped him out of ‘discipline’.

the sting was still on his cheek, the hurt was still aching in his heart, and his head was still throbbing. signora had texted him, telling him she’d be off in 2 hours. for some reason, it didn't make him feel any better.

he pulled his car out of park and turned the corner, knowing he just needed somewhere serene to clear his head. he drove to the park he always went to a couple years ago, and pulled into a parking spot. it was pouring rain out now, but he didn't bother putting his hood on his head.

he climbed up the tiny stairs, and sat down on the platform, not really caring about the rain. he leaned his head against the railing, and he stared off into space.

childe was a mess. he couldn’t tell if he was crying, or if it was just rain. his hair was soaked, so were his clothes, and his glasses had water droplets on them. he seemed to be thinking a lot recently. growing quiet and just thinking. he wasn't sure exactly about what, but he knew scara was definitely at the center. what was wrong with him?

he hadn't realized how long he’d been sitting there until he realized the rain stopped. he sighed and took his glasses off to wipe away the water, not realizing he still had them on.

he froze when he heard someone approaching, and looked up to see the only person he’d want to see right now.

scara.

“oh.” they said at the same time. childes mouth was dry as fuck, like he just ate a spoonful of cinnamon.

“fuck, sorry.” scara turned to leave but childe stopped him immediately.

“no.” he said quickly and scara turned back around to face him. “no, it…it’s fine.”

scara scoffed quietly and rolled his eyes. “i hate you.” he muttered and sat down next to childe.

childe ran a hand through his wet hair, pushing it out of his face. “are you okay?”

“fine. why wouldn't i be?” scara hugged his knees to his chest and rested his head on his arms, looking straight ahead.

childe looked at him and laughed quietly. “you have eyeliner running down your face and your eyes are puffy.”

scaras scoffed again and turned his head away, but rubbed his cheek on his his arm anyway, trying to get rid of the dried down runny eyeliner and the blush. “well, what’s your excuse? you're soaked. what was it earlier about me catching a cold? fucking hypocrite.”

childe chuckled. he leaned his head against the railing and looked away. “yea, i know. not my best night either.”

scara felt immense and immediate guilt. “sorry.” he said quietly.

childe looked at scara. he looked so pretty, even in dim lighting and if he could only see the back of his head. he remembered scaras words from earlier, and pain struck his heart.

thats right.

scara
would
never
feel
the
same.

childe’s face dropped and he blinked. “it's fine. not your fault.” he said quietly. “i got into an argument with my parents, that's all..”

silence fell over them, but it wasn't awkward.

“what was it about? the argument, i mean.” scara turned to look at childe. that look. fuck. “not that i care.” he quickly added on.

childe put on his glasses again and scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably. “it…” he sighed. “my parents… always supported me so when i figured out i was gay, i told them.”

scara looked at him, knowing where it was going.

“but, they didn’t this time. they told me it was just a phase. my dad told me to just go out with a girl and i'd change my mind.” he paused and looked at his shoes. “so when i started going out with lumine, they were happy. i was miserable, but it didn't matter. and then this year, i had enough and broke up with her.”

scara didn’t have anything to say. he didn’t really think this was going on with childe. he thought childe was perfect.

“anyway, lumine told my parents. or had her parents tell mine, no difference. and, um, yea. they… weren’t happy.” he let out a breath. “i have younger siblings, you know.” he looked at scara.

scara just blinked, showing that he was listening.

“everytime my parents want to start an argument, i always keep them busy so they don’t have to hear. or see. um… this time, they saw.” he stared at his shoes again, as he felt like crying.

“childe-”

“they heard,” he cut scara off. “my dad call me a disappointment, and a failure. and they saw my mother slap me.” he picked at the skin around his nail. “they somehow found out about the rumors lumine spread. i thought they were just, overheard gossiping, but she posted about it everywhere.”

“oh my god, childe i…”

“it's fine, really. i just walked out.” he sighed and smiled, but it wasn’t genuine. “anyway… sorry to make the mood weird. i got carried away.” he ran a hand through his wet hair, and took off his sopping wet jacket.

“no, it's.. fine. i have a shitty mom too. not like yours, but, she was pretty much.. gone, when i was growing up. and my dad has always been out of the picture. she was always at work, so i had to take care of myself. i only ate at school during lunch because we never had food at home. that's why i don't eat in the cafeteria.”

childe looked at scara with the look he hated. the one with warmth and care.

“um,” he stuttered. “anyway, it's whatever. she’s just trying to walk back into my life now.”

the rain started to pick up again, and scara pulled his hood up. childe sighed. “you're avoiding talking about yourself.”

scara cursed himself as he hid his face. he was avoiding talking about himself, but they both were avoiding talking about each other.

“i… what time is it?”

childe looked at his watch. “12:42.”

“...i have to go.” scara stood up, and took a few steps to the small staircase when he paused. “i'm sorry about your parents.”

“let me walk you home. it's the least i can do since…” childe said quickly before he even realized it, and trailed off. he happened to do that often with scara.

scara rolled his eyes. “fine, whatever.”

childe walking scara home was probably the most awkward part about the whole night. childe was back to his normal, clumsy self. which was also a flustered, blundering mess. he was blushing hard at scara's pajamas, they were so fucking cute. it was also pouring rain again, which made it even more awkward.

“well, thanks. i guess.” scara said when they reached his house. “that was a nice talk.”

“yea…” childe breathed out, not knowing what to do.

“so um, bye.” he turned to walk to his front door quickly.

“wait, scara.” childe grabbed his wrist gently. his mouth was dry as hell again the moment his eyes met scara’s. “i know you probably don't care, and already know, so i might as well tell you.” he sighed. “i like you. a lot.”

Chapter Text

“i like you. a lot.” childe swallowed, waiting for scara's response.

scara just stared at childe, who couldn't tell what type of look it was.

childe took this as ‘carry on’. “i know you don’t feel the same, but i just… really fucking like you. you’re probably the prettiest person i’ve ever seen, and no matter what you do, i always think...” his words caught in his throat. he was still hanging onto scara's wrist. “...when i said i wouldn't mind dating you, i meant that. i want to see you everyday and be able to call you my boyfriend. i don't want you avoiding me, or thinking i hate you. because i don't. i really, really… like you.” his voice broke at the end.

scara moved his wrist from childes hold, and intertwined their fingers. “i fucking hate you.”

“what-?”

“i hate you. i really hate you. why did you have to say all of that now? you’re such a fucking dick.” because of scara's hood covering his head, you could obviously tell that he was crying and it wasn’t rain. “i hate everything about you. i hate your pretty face and i fucking hate the way you look at me, it's pathetic. and you don't know how or when to shut up, so it's so embarrassing to witness.”

childe was very confused. did he just call him pretty?

“but i don't know why i like you so fucking much. i hate you, i hate you, i hate you.” he used his wet jacket sleeve to wipe his eyes. “you ruin everything. i wasn't supposed to have another crush or boyfriend, especially not in my senior year, but you came along and ruined everything.”

“scara.” childe pulled him closer. “shut up, and let me kiss you.”

who was he. what was he doing. what the fuck was happening. why did he do that.

scara shut up immediately. childe moved his other hand and angled scara’s face up to look at him clearly. scara felt so fucking embarrassed, because he knew he looked like shit. his hood fell off and they just stared at each other.

their lips were probably an inch away from each other. childe was having an internal freak out. he didn't know if scara wanted this, so he was scared to close the gap.

“oh my god, just fucking kiss me already.” scara stood on his tip toes, wrapped his arms around childes neck, and closed the gap himself.

as soon as their lips connected, it felt like time stopped around them. childes lips were soft, just like scara had always thought. his pulse jumped into his ears, and for a second he couldn't hear or feel anything except the one in front of him. both of them couldn't feel the rain on their faces, just each other - almost like a dream. childe slipped his hands under scaras jacket and t-shirt, gripping his waist firmly and dragging him out of this trance. scara tugged on childes hair in response and pulled away.

“your hands are so fucking cold.” he said quietly, his eyes still closed. “but i win. i kissed you first.”

childe blinked, and moved one of his hands from scara's waist to his neck, and place another kiss on his lips. “now we’re tied.” he breathed out after pulling away. “and your lip piercing is cold too, i'm not complaining.”

scara felt his eye twitch. “fuck off.” he bit down on childe’s lip before kissing him again.

-

how embarrassing it is for your (potentially) new boyfriends mom to walk outside and see you kissing your (potential) new boyfriend? very.

scara looked like he’d never seen the sun in a billion years, and childe looked like a direct descendant of a tomato.

she apologized and went back inside. the awkwardness chilled them more than the rain.

“uh, i should get going.” childe said after about 20 seconds of awkward silence.

scara jumped when he said something, almost like he forgot childe was there. “right, yea… um… bye.”

childe honestly wanted to kiss him again, but he took a few steps back before turning around and doing the walk of shame back down the street and to his car. he didn't feel the sting of the cold from the wind and the rain until he was alone and his head was cleared.

when he made it to his car, he got in the backseat and dug clothes out of his football bag, quickly changing. finally, he pulled out his phone. with shaky hands, he texted kaeya and signora.

‘we kissed’

-

“oh my god!” mona practically screamed. “scara what the fuck! i didn't know you liked him back!”

when scara texted mona to come over, she was ready to fall over. she had just worked a double shift and she was pity eating mcdonalds. now she was back on her feet, mcdonalds long forgotten on scara's nightstand.

“shut up already, i'm embarrassed as it is…” he was face down on his bed, and blushing up to his ears.

“no way! oh my god. i knew childe liked you, but i didn't think you liked him back! that's fucking crazy. and you guys kissed!” she said, more talking to herself. “was it hot? how long did you guys do it for? when and where did you do it?”

“mona!” scara snapped, lifting his head up to glare at her.

“what? i have to know.”

“no you don't.”

“yes i do.”

“don't.”

“do.”

scara sighed and sat up, sitting criss-cross and hugging a stuffed animal to his chest. “fine. it was outside, in the rain, 30 minutes ago.”

“answer my other questions.” she narrowed her eyes at him.

“i'm going to kick you out.”

“at least tell me how long it was!”

“i don't know!” he sighed. “maybe like, 5 minutes? i don't know.”

mona stared at him with her mouth agape. “so you guys made out. okay scara, i see you.”

“no we didn't! god i fucking hate you, and regret telling you. get out.”

she laughed. “well..?”

scara looked at her like she was crazy. “well what?”

“was it hot? was there tongue?”

scara looked like a bomb went off in his head, there might have been smoke coming out of his ears. “get. out.”

-

childe was at practice, and he was playing like shit.

he ended up going home at 2 am, and he didnt get any sleep that night. apparently, his parents were up waiting for him, because they knew he would come back…

“childe! get your head out of your ass!” the coach yelled at him.

shit.

after practice, his coach chewed him a new one while the rest of the team listened from afar, trying not to laugh. childe hasn't ever been yelled at by the coach, so he was feeling like shit.

“you've been so out of it. even saturday's game was almost a disaster. we nearly didn’t make it to the next game.” the coach pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed dramatically. “you'll be fine by friday, i take it? get your head screwed on straight.” he said before walking into his office and slamming the door shut.

itto walked up to childe and threw an arm around him. “don’t worry, bro! i think you played great.”

childe sighed, trying not to be pissed. “thanks.” he pushed itto's arm off, and walked out of the locker room.

kaeya was waiting outside, leaning against the wall on his phone. he slid his phone in his pocket, and crossed his arms. he gave childe a knowing look.

“...shut up.” childe sighed, and started walking down the hallway.

“i didn't say anything.” kaeya grinned, following him. “but i can.”

“please don't.”

“is it because you made out with scara last night that you're so off your game?”

childe blushed. really bad. “shut up!” he stuttered, nearly running into the wall.

“never. i was already sleeping soundly when you texted, so i get to harass you now.”

“i already got it from signora.”

kaeya laughed. “that was hilarious to backread on. you left out all the details though…”

“it's none of your business…”

-

scara was sitting on the sink in the bathroom, waiting for mona, when his worst nightmare came in. lumine.

she rolled her eyes. “can't you read? this is the girl’s bathroom.”

“can you? i think dogs use the bathroom outside.”

lumine scoffed, but didn't respond. she clearly didn't expect that. scara went back to scrolling on his phone, and lumine stood in front of the bathroom door awkwardly, trying to think of a retort.

suddenly, the bathroom door opened, hitting lumine in the face.

“oops, sorry.” mona said, stepping in the bathroom. “oh, never mind. not sorry.” she looked from lumine to scara.

scara glanced up at lumine, not giving one fuck.

“you both,” she stood up. “are done.” she grabbed the door handle and left.

“bye, snitch!” scara called after her and rolled his eyes.

mona looked from the door to scara. “what happened?”

“nothing.”

she looked at scara with a look that read ‘seriously?’.

“no, seriously. nothing happened.”

mona stared at him. “right…” she said skeptically. “anyway, childe’s looking for you. kaeya told me.”

“oh.” scara rolled his eyes.

“you have got to be kidding. you guys literally made out last night, and you're avoiding him? scara!”

“not on purpose.” he lied. he remembered walking by the cafeteria and glancing into it, immediately making eye contact with childe, which made him walk faster.

mona sighed. “whatever. i'm not skipping this period for nothing. i need to take a nap.”

“yea, yea. you do that.” scara sighed, and opened the bathroom door, deciding not to skip for once.

-

childe was normally the first one in the history classroom everyday, but when he got there, scara was already sitting at his desk. his earbuds were in and he was doodling something in his notebook.

he jumped when childe plopped his notebook down on the desk next to him, slowly looking to glare at him.

“are you avoiding me? i've been looking for you.” childe said, putting his head down on his arms, looking at scara.

“no.” scara said, pulling his earbuds out.

childe stared at him, knowing full well that was a lie. “why are you avoiding me?”

“i'm not.” scara blushed, scowled and looked away from childe’s pouty face.

“scara.” childe reached his hand up to pull scara's chin to look at him.

scara slapped his hand. “what?”

“can you come over after school?”

“what? yes. i mean…” scara blushed even more when childe smiled. “you're so annoying, fuck off.”

“i didn't do anything.” childe grinned. scara put his hand on childes face, trying to block his vision from seeing scara's blush. the red head just grabbed scara's hand and kissed his palm. “alright, i'll leave you alone.”

childe laughed to himself when he stood up and walked across the room to his normal spot. teasing scara was going to be his new favorite thing when he wasn't a mess.

Chapter Text

childe honestly couldn't focus in class. all he kept doing was sneaking glances at scara, and thinking about how scara was going to his house just after this class. yea. his house.

childe didn't even realize the teacher stopped talking and sat down at his desk until the bell rang. he shoved his notebook into his backpack, stood up, and scara was there by the door waiting for him.

scara seemed very calm in comparison to childe, who probably looked like he just ran a marathon. “lead the way, loser.” he said, which made childes heart do a weird flutter thing. teasing childe was scara's new favorite thing.

-

school had just ended, and scara was following childe to his car. they put their backpacks in the backseat, and got in the front. scara felt weird.

“are you hungry? we can get something to eat first, if you want.”

“no…” scara was thinking about childes parents. they were very much homophobic, and scara was going to childes house. where his parents were.

childe did the thing that hot guys do when they back out of a parking spot and put the arm around the passenger seat headrest. scara stared at him.

it was a bit awkward around childe, especially because scara didn't know what they were. childe’s words constantly resurfaced in his brain. ‘i want to be able to call you my boyfriend’. they only kissed, it's not like they really talked about that.

scara flinched when childe put his hand on scaras thigh. “sorry.” he quickly withdrew his hand. “i said your name a couple times and you didn’t answer.”

scara glared at him, not realizing he was blushing. “what?”

childe flushed and focused intently on the road. “nothing.”

scara stared at childe, then looked at his hand sitting on his lap. “i hate you.” scara said before snatching childe’s hand and holding it, immediately turning to look out the window.

childe literally almost swerved and crashed the car.

-

scara felt weird being in childes house. even when he pulled into the neighborhood, scara got a strong feeling that he didn't belong. it was probably because he grew up unprivileged his entire life.

he felt like he was in a model home when childe unlocked the door, because it seriously felt like it. like no one owned the space, it ran a chill down his spine. besides the shoes by the door and the coats on the rack, you probably couldn’t tell anyone lived there.

“my parents are out and my siblings are still at school.” childe said suddenly. he took off his jacket and put it in the closet, then started to take off his shoes. scara also took off his shoes, but he still didn’t say anything. he didn’t know why it made him feel so… uneasy.

he followed childe to his room, and immediately felt better. it was much better than the rest of the house.

scara had minimal expectations for childe’s room. as long as there was more than one pillow on the bed, no navy blue sheets, and no flag hanging on the wall. childe had 4 pillows, red sheets, and posters on his walls. none about football, which surprised him.

childe sat down on his bed, and scara stood in front of him, not knowing what to do or where to sit, or whatever.

childe smiled. “you're so quiet, i don’t like it.”

“shut up.” scara sat down next to childe, and they stared at each other. both thinking the same thing.

god he is so fucking pretty.

-

they decided to watch a movie. well. not really. childe fell asleep, and scara couldn't really move, so he was using his spare arm to scroll on his phone.

scara wasn't really used to this. at all. and if they were going to be dating, then he had to. childe was very touchy. he was half laying on top of scara, his arm wrapped around scara's waist and his head laying on scara’s chest.

scara turned off his phone, already bored of it. he’d seen the movie he picked a million times, so he could probably recite the script from memory. he looked at childe, not knowing what else to do.

he was convinced there was something childe put in his drink, or something. even though that was close to impossible. was it also impossible to make a love potion? probably. but scara was almost convinced childe did that.

he was nowhere near scara's type. like, not even a little bit. yet somehow, he liked everything about childe (but still hates him). scara still couldn't place what it was that he liked the most, and what made him crush so hard on childe.

maybe it was because he was so goofy, or because he showed so much interest in scara, or because… there was probably over a million more that scara could list off, and he still wouldn’t be sure.

he sighed, not knowing how long it’d been since he started staring at childe’s pretty face. scara ran a hand gently through childe’s hair, and he was feeling tired himself.

as he was just closing his eyes, he heard a noise downstairs, causing him to jump awake.

“ajax, we’re home!”

scara felt all the color drain from his face. he violently shook childe, and slapped his back. he heard someone running up the stairs.

childe grunted. “what?” he said barely opening his eyes.

“childe if you don't wake the fuck up and get off me i'm going to kick you in the balls. your parents are home.”

his eyes flew open and he rolled over. “what? what time is it?”

just as scara sat up and childe found his shirt on the floor, a knock was on the door and it opened.

“ajax?” a little girl with red hair, just like childe’s, poked her head in.

childe sighed, almost certainly of relief. “tonia, hi. how was school?”

“it was good! all my friends still want you to make them bracelets like mine.”

he smiled. “when i get more free time…” childe said, and glanced back at scara who was still sitting on his bed. “scara, this is my sister, tonia. tonia this is… scara.”

scara smiled warmly, which made childe almost pass out. he’d never smiled like that before, in fact childe didn’t think scara had smiled at all. scara actually liked kids, which was surprising.

“hi!” tonia said cheerfully. “are you ajax’s friend?”

scara hesitated. “yea.”

she seemed to think about something for a second. “i thought mommy and daddy said you guys were… dating?”

scara and childe made eye contact. “um…”

“tonia! come eat!” childe’s mom yelled from downstairs.

“okay!” she responded. “oh, ajax, daddy was saying how he wanted to talk to you again, since you always run away in the middle of things or something.” she said before leaving and closing the door.

childe sighed and walked over to flop down on his bed, laying his head in scara's lap. “sorry, i should drive you home before my parents flip out or my brothers come bug us.”

scara didn't respond, he just started playing with childe’s hair subconsciously. “we can go to mine, i don't care.” he said quietly, still wanting to be with childe.

“ajax!”

it was childe’s dad, and he sounded pissed. childe didn’t even consider that tonia would say scara was here. fuck.

childe picked his head up from scara's lap as soon as he heard footsteps on the stairs, and his dad opened the door a couple seconds later looking furious.

“and who’s this?” his dad asked.

childe glanced at scara then turned back to his dad, hesitating to answer. “scaramouche.”

scara saw his phone light up from where it was sitting on the nightstand, and he reached for it. it was a fucking scam text.

“s-sorry, i should go. my mom wants me home…” scara made eye contact with childe, which made him want to hit childe’s dad until his face bled.

childe’s eyes weren’t filled with warmth or love, but sadness and exhaustion. though through all of that emotion, childe almost looked relieved that scara decided to go.

“i'll see you at school, childe.” scara said before leaving.

-

fuck.

all childe could think.

he was having probably the best sleep of his life when he was woken up by his shitty parents, scara was scared off, and now he was being yelled at.

he was too tired to fight back, so he just sat on his bed, staring at the floor. he hoped his siblings wouldn’t hear, but he knew deep down they could hear every word. his dad was a lot louder this time.

his dad suddenly stopped.

“ajax, you’re choosing to act like this. you had someone over, who everyone says you’re dating. i'm so disappointed in you.”

childe glanced up at the new voice to the conversation. great. his mom too.

they sat down on either side of him on his bed. when were they going to realize that it wasn't choice? when were they going to consider how he felt? when were they going to stop fucking talking? when were they going to accept him?

childe couldn't stop thinking, and he didn't realize his parents had left his room until his little sister nudged his knee.

“ajax..?”

he looked up and saw teucer and anthon were also there.

“oh, sorry. what is it?”

“are you okay, ajax?” tonia asked. childe looked at her face, worry etched on the little girl’s face.

“of course. why wouldn't i be?”

“we heard shouting downstairs and… you’re crying.” anthon answered.

childe blinked. he hadn’t even realized. “oh.” he wiped his cheek, and confirmed it. “don’t worry. mom and dad are just… unhappy with me.” he smiled. “why don’t we watch a movie, or a play a game?”

childe was zoned out for the entirety of the movie, and his younger siblings kept glancing at him. childe just couldn’t stop thinking why. why all of this had to happen to him, and just… why. he wondered if his parents had read his diary, or seen his drawings of scara before. maybe if they did, they would understand this isn't a choice, or some silly thing he’s doing to rebel against what his parents want… his whole life he got validation, but ever since he came out its just been ‘i'm so disappointed in you’. how is someone supposed to adjust to that change?

Chapter Text

hello ! scara's chapter in my other additional work has been posted as of now !

im going on hiatus for a little while because 1) i have AWFUL writers block. no idea what to do for chapter 12, and 2) i've decided i want to focus on doing the character sheets book for while to get out of my writers block and get more motivation. i also have finals in 2 weeks, so im kind of dying. sorry this notice is short ! very brief, but i will be actively updating my other work and reading comments on both works! thank you <3

Chapter Text

scara laid in his bed, staring at the tapestry on his ceiling. he thought the number one person he hated on this earth was lumine, but that thought was quickly humbled after he met childe’s dad. while scara was putting on his shoes at childe’s door, the yelling had started.

it started with ‘ajax, i'm so disappointed in you’, which made scara's blood fucking boil. literally what was there to be disappointed about?

childe was probably in the top 5 prettiest men scara had ever seen, he was talented, got good grades, incredibly nice, an amazing older brother… the list goes on. and yet his parents were disappointed because he wanted to kiss guys. how fucking pathetic.

his bedroom door opened, interrupting his angry thoughts. it was miko.

“learn how to knock, old hag.” scara rolled onto his side.

“that's no way to talk to someone who made you dinner, is it?” she said, the same mischievous smile on her lips.

“my mom isn't even home. why are you here?”

“she is now.” ei came up behind miko, and poked her head in his room. “have you finished your homework?”

“yes.” he lied and rolled his eyes.

“then run to the store for me, we need more noodles.”

“you’re not cooking, are you?” he sat up and stared at her.

she sighed and her head disappeared from the doorway as she walked down the hallway. “no, honey. miko already did, but we just ran out of noodles. i'm too tired. just do it, please?”

scara sighed. “sure, whatever.” he swung his legs out of bed and grabbed his shoes, which sat by his window.

“aren't you going to change out of your pajamas?” miko asked, and scara glared at her.

“get the fuck out.” he said, struggling to put on his shoes.

he liked his pajamas. and he was just going to the store, who the fuck cares?

“scaramouche! watch your language!” ei screamed from the other room.

scara grabbed money from his nightstand and shoved it in the pocket of his hoodie. “bye.” he slid open his window and disappeared out of it. he was going to the convenience store mona works at sometimes, and hopefully hangout there for a while.

everything was always a disaster when both miko and his mom were home. worst duo ever.

on his way to the store, he resumed the thoughts miko rudely interrupted. i mean seriously, who the fuck would be disappointed to have childe as their son? he’s like, every parents dream, scara thought.

scara couldn't stop thinking about childe, and how he must've felt as he walked to the corner store a couple blocks away. he finally stopped thinking about the ginger as he caught a glimpse of himself in a window. he looked like a homeless gremlin, but it was fine. no one would see him anyway.

-

scara felt like a god damn idiot. of course someone would see him. he got the noodles and was talking with mona, for god knows how long. well, talking would be an understatement. they were full on gossiping, but those are the little details.

when the bell on the door rang, and scara glanced at the person who walked in, he swear he would rather dig a hole and bury himself alive than be standing right there. he looked like he’d just rolled out of a dumpster fire, and of course childe walked in.

how did this keep happening? why on earth was childe everywhere?

scara and childe both stood there like a deer in headlights, just staring at each other. mona was glancing between the two like she was watching the funniest movie she’d ever seen.

“hey childe! how are you?” mona said first, which earned her the death glare from scara.

“hi mona, i’m fine.” childe glanced at her then back at scara. he was literally screaming on the inside. they both were.

scara grabbed the convenience store bag, with the noodles. he walked past childe, grabbing his hand and pulling him along with him.

mona stared after them as they left the convenience store, now with an unimpressed look on her face.

a little ways down the sidewalk, after neither of them said anything, childe intertwined their fingers and walked next to scara instead of being dragged.

“sorry.” scara said suddenly, but he wasn't sure what for.

childe glanced down at him. “for what?”

actually, scara was sure what. about his dad. but he didn't say that. “for… dragging you out of there. um, i think.”

he smiled. “i was actually looking for you. i went to your house first, but your mom said you’d just left so…” he trailed off and blushed.

“oh.” scara didn’t have anything else to say, because he would stutter like a fucking loser. childe makes him a blushing mess. after a few moments, he calmed down a bit. “why were you looking for me?”

childe shrugged. “i guess i just wanted to see you.”

scara was going to have to get used to this.

-

the two walked the rest of the way to scaras house in silence, both not knowing what to say. childe felt awkward climbing in through scara's window.

scara took off his shoes, set the bag down on his nightstand, and immediately flopped onto his bed face first. childe took off his shoes as well, but just sat down next to scara on his bed.

“are you spending the night?” scara picked his head up to look at him.

childe blushed. “um, i don’t know.” he smiled sheepishly.

scara just stared at him.

“i-i mean, i have practice tomorrow, so i have to wake up early. and i don’t have clothes. and my parents-”

he got cut off by scara sitting up and kissing him.

childe felt like he was going to explode, or something.

scara wanted to melt into a fucking puddle. childe’s pupils dilated after scara kissed him. all scara could think was: oh my god, i fucking hate him.

“that doesn’t answer my question.”

childe swallowed. “yea. yea i'll spend the night.”

scara laid back down, still looking at childe. “how early do you have to wake up?”

“5 to 5:30.”

“okay, that's fine.”

childe looked at him with an expression that screamed ‘seriously?’

he scowled. “what? we can wake up at 5 or whatever dumb ass time you wake up at.” scara sat up and pull the blankets up to lay down under them.

“do you want me to take you to practice with me?”

“i guess so.” scara mumbled. “let me paint your nails.”

-

“god damn it, keep your hand still.”

childe grinned. “i'm trying.” he lied.

childe was laying on his back with his arm over his eyes while scara sat beside him, painting his nails a color he chose.

scara tried to glare at childe’s grin, but couldn’t help but smile himself. “you haven't painted your nails before, have you?”

“i used to always want to paint them when i was younger, but i stopped. i paint my sisters all the time, though.”

childe could feel scara's eyes on him, but he was scared to take a peek.

“how many siblings do you have?” the raven haired boy asked quietly.

“six. i’m right in the middle. i have two older brothers and one older sister, they all moved out as soon as they turned 18 so i only see them occasionally.” childe said nonchalantly. “you don't have any, do you?”

“no, my mom didn’t want kids at all.” scara said with a blank expression. “you can open your eyes now.”

childe moved his arm from his face, and checked his nails. he loved them. they were blue and black.

scara blushed. “um, it was the only color that was close to matching your eyes…”

“my turn.” the red head smiled and sat up.

-

scara had planned to repaint his nails, but he didn't expect childe to do it for him. he also didn’t expect to learn so much about childe.

every new fact scara heard from childe about himself, the more he wondered how he even came to like childe. they were opposites. complete opposites.

“you’re telling me all this time the star quarterback’s top spotify artists have been taylor swift and beabadoobee?”

childe blushed and looked away. “what’s wrong with that?”

scara smiled, which made childe blush even more. not because he was embarrassed, but because he made scara smile.

“where are you going?” childe asked when scara stood up.

“i'm hungry.” he said flatly and left his room. in reality, he was blushing a lot and he needed to stick his head in the freezer to stop his cheeks from burning.

“oh, scara. you’re home. it’s been ages, i thought you got kidnapped.” ei said from the couch.

scara didn’t give a response, he just started digging through the pantry.

“your boyfriend came by earlier, said he was looking for you…” miko wandered into the kitchen. “there’s still some dinner left if you’re hungry.”

boyfriend?

“what the hell? hold on. childe is not my boyfriend.”

“...he isn't?” ei turned to face the two in the kitchen, a look of genuine shock on her face.

“no.”

“are you sure?” miko narrowed her eyes at him.

“no.” scara said immediately. “i mean-” he was going to correct himself but the damage was already done.

ei stood up and walked into the kitchen. “so you like him at least. i thought you guys were dating since you kissed.”

“no. what? no. i hate hi- well. no. i don’t like him… actually-” he groaned. “fuck off!” scara stormed back to his room.

“...what happened?” childe looked up, startled when the door slammed.

“nothing.” scara snapped, sitting down on his bed. he sighed, and childe felt he shouldn’t press the issue anymore, but he also didn’t know what else to say. he opened his mouth to speak, but scara spoke first. “what are we? are we dating or not?”

childe hesitated. of course he wanted to be, but he didn’t want to say yes and have it be the wrong answer.

“what is it? you hesitate too much. there isn't a wrong answer.” scara said plainly. “just say what you’re thinking, i won’t be mad.”

childe was going to have to get used to this.

-

childe had a feeling the other would die if he woke up at 5 am, which is why he was reluctant to spend the night. and he was right. scara was not a morning person, and it showed.

“fuck off cunt, get out. it’s still dark outside.” scara launched a pillow at childe’s face, who caught it and threw it at the end of scara’s bed.

“i have to go to practice, scara. do you still want to come?” childe said softly.

scara sat up, and it looked like he was going to have a permanent eyebrow crease from how hard he was glaring. “fine.”

“i've got to go change really quick, but i'll pick you up in 30 minutes. don't fall back to sleep.”

scara watched as childe smiled brightly and left through the window.

the ginger was out of breath by the time he got home, and he prayed his parents weren’t up. thankfully, his prayers were answered. everyone in the house was sound asleep.

though unfortunately, he kept scara waiting for an hour because he took too long in the shower.

“i hate you.” scara said immediately as he got into childe’s car. “what were you doing for 30 extra minutes?” he asked, knowing damn well he wasn’t ready after 30 minutes either because he stayed in bed for 25 minutes after childe left.

“i was… making food.” childe answered briefly, and started driving.

“is the school even open at 6 am?”

“if there’s teachers or coaches that’ll let you in.”

scara grunted. he hated sports… and clubs. he also never had to go into school before it started to take a test or make something up, so he actually didn’t know the school was open this early.

childe was holding scara's hand with the hand he wasn't driving with, rubbing it with his thumb gently. cigarettes after sex played quietly on the car radio, and scara thought back to the conversation the two had last night.

boyfriend.

Chapter Text

childe had texted scara that he just got done with practice, so he was waiting outside the locker room. he honestly felt stupid, and wanted to leave. why was he doing this, for childe of all people?

…okay maybe because they were dating now, or whatever but still. scara opened his phone and began texting mona, asking her if she was awake. she most definitely wasn't, but it was still worth a try.

“scara?”

it was a familiar voice, but it wasn’t childe’s. his eyes shot up to the person asking for him, and of course it was dottore. scara forgot he played football as well.

“what are you doing here?” dottore asked, the side of his mouth tugging up into an awful smirk.

scara didn’t respond. he didn’t necessarily want to scream from the rooftops that he and childe were… well, whatever they were. especially not to dottore. scara was honestly pissed, the one time childe had to be late. or maybe dottore was just early or something. he didn’t know, he never came by the locker room to wait for dottore like this.

dottore leaned on the wall next to him. “no way… you’re not here for me are you?” this was his attempt at teasing, because he thought he was right. embarrassing.

scara still didn’t respond, he just kept glaring at the locker room door. it opened and childe walked out, with itto behind him.

“hey scara.” childe said with a big grin, completely ignoring dottore.

“i hate you.”

childe’s smile just widened, which made the other two confused. scara started walking down the hall first and childe jogged a bit to catch up to him.

they walked in silence for a while, and childe couldn’t help but notice their hands brushing against each other every once in a while. he was getting a bit antsy, and just wanted to grab scara's hand.

“can i hold your hand?” childe eventually asked hopefully.

“absolutely not.”

like a sad puppy, scara swore he saw childe’s imaginary ears droop.

he scowled. “what are you, a dog?” scara muttered. “fine.”

childe immediately reached for scara’s hand, who withdrew it. “...only the pinkie.” he said, and turned his head away to hide his blush.

the red head blushed as well as he grabbed the other’s pinkie finger. this was about as much as scara would do in public.

-

now that childe had the guy he dreamed of, drew, wrote, and thought about every day for the past 4 years, he didn’t know how to act.

4 years is a long time to like someone. childe never even talked to scara in that time period, so now that he was thinking about it, it was a bit creepy. it’s not like he was like, obsessed. he just thought scara was really pretty. like unnaturally beautiful. everyone thought that though, you couldn’t really deny it.

he had completely zoned out and was subconsciously making another sketch of scara when someone approached him and kicked his shoe. childe immediately closed his notebook and pulled his headphones out, then looked up to see who it was. it was scara.

“what are you doing?” he asked and sat down next to childe. “...not that i care.”

“skipping.” childe smiled sheepishly. “my teacher doesn’t care.”

scara hummed and rested his head on childe’s shoulder. “you picked an awful spot, teachers check here often because people got ratted out for skipping before.”

the red head was shocked. he’d never been caught before. this was the very back staircase of part of the school that barely anyone went to. he didn’t often skip classes, but when he did, he came here.

childe blushed. “are you skipping too?”

“no, i said i was using the bathroom, but i walk around the whole school instead. i barely saw your shoes.” scara responded, his eyes were closed and he looked like he was about to fall asleep.

“should we go somewhere else?”

“like where?” he picked his head up and looked at childe, their faces dangerously close.

the ginger hesitated to answer, because he knew he’d stutter a lot. like embarrassingly a lot. “i, uh, i don’t know.”

“let’s stay here. i have to go back to class soon anyway.” scara put his head back down. “isn’t that your film notebook?” he asked, looking at the notebook childe was holding.

technically, it was. except film didn’t have a lot of notes to take, so he used to as a sketch book. he accidentally ended up using all his school notebooks as a sketchbook, since he always started drawing something when he zoned out.

“um, i guess.” childe blushed and looked away.

“you guess?” scara answered unimpressed.

“well, no. i mean, it is but, there’s not a lot of notes to take so i…” he trailed off, realizing he said to much.

scara picked his head up again, actually seeming a bit intrigued. “what?” he asked. “what do you use it for?”

childe hesitated and blushed even more. he knew if he said he used it as a sketchbook, scara would ask to see and he’d be doomed. “uh… well, a sketchbook, i guess.”

“what? that’s it? boring.”

the red head was relieved, he was in the clear.

“i didn’t know you could draw.” scara stared at the notebook in childe’s lap.

“um, i don’t really tell anyone, or let anyone see, really…”

“can i see?”

fuck. never mind. he was not in the clear.

childe blushed bright red. “they’re not that good, so…”

“do you draw porn, or something?” scara teased.

scara seeing that childe drew porn would've been less embarrassing.

“absolutely not.” childe said quickly.

“then can i see?”

fuck, childe didn't want to flat out say no, but the way scara was looking at him was of genuine interest. he didn't know how to get out of this without awkwardness or embarrassment.

“uh, um…” childe looked away. “i, fuck, um, i guess.” he wanted to crawl in a hole and die as he gave scara his notebook. well scara was going to see them at one point. might as well be now.

-

scara glanced at childe, who was hiding his face as he opened the notebook. it was normal sketches as he flipped through the pages, just randomly doodles of stuff, but they were all really good.

it wasn't until he got about 15 pages in. now scara understood. he froze as he saw himself staring back at him from the page. it was a lot of drawings of him. they were all from far away angles, but good.

scara didn’t really know what to say, but he did know that he was blushing the hardest he thinks he ever had. his heart was racing in his chest and his mouth was dry.

he flipped the page and there was more. scara looked at childe again, who held his hands so tightly on his face, he didn’t even move. he was blushing all the way up to his ears, down his neck, probably all over. he was clearly mortified.

these were insanely good drawings. and the fact that they were scara. and the fact that childe drew them. scara wasn’t embarrassed, or weirded out. honestly, he started to crush harder on childe, but it also made him wonder how much childe liked him.

scara really didn’t know what to say. he closed the notebook, thinking he’d die if he saw anymore. “how many have you drawn?” he asked quietly, yet somehow still stuttered.

childe moved his knees up to his chest, and rested his head on his arms, looking away from scara. “i don’t know.”

the next thing that scara said left himself shocked.

“i'll pose for you next time.” scara said before standing up and leaving, before childe saw his face, which was probably bright red compared to the rest of his porcelain skin.

-

“ajax!” tonia said, running up to him when he walked in the door.

childe was shocked that she was home so early. “you’re home really early, something happen at school?”

“i had doctors appointment. mommy said lumi’s family is coming over for dinner.”

“goodness tonia, you never let mommy talk to ajax.” his mom came up behind them and ran a hand through tonia’s hair.

childe was just making sure he heard the words properly. lumine, coming over for dinner. great! perfect. okay. that’s fine!

“anyway, it’s her mom’s birthday. i’m not like your father in the sense that i’m going to force you back together with lumine, if that’s not what you want. but, you know where i stand on this.” she sighed.

he didn’t know what to think. thanks mom for not forcing me back with that bitch, but also not thanks because you still hate who i am?

his mom continued without childe’s response. “i have to run to pick anthon and teucer up, i need you to go to the store.” she handed him a list.

childe took the list. “okay.” he turned around and grabbed the door handle, leaving quickly without saying bye or putting his backpack down. he had just dropped scara off, so he knew scara was home, and headed straight there.

he remembered scara telling him the night before that his window is almost always unlocked, so he could just come in. childe slid open the window and he was immediately blasted by the sound of scara's drums playing right in his ear, but he didn’t care.

scara had his eyes closed and headphones in, so there’s not much childe could do except wait. childe never took into account how talented scara actually was. i mean, he was self taught, and also played the guitar. seeing him play an instrument was… alluring. and impressive.

scara opened his eyes and pulled his headphones out, but didn’t flinch when he saw childe. “...what the hell are you staring at?” scara blushed and stood up, putting the sticks on a shelf nearby.

childe blushed as well but didn’t respond.

“what are you doing here? just wanted to see me?” scara asked, sitting down on his bed next to childe and laying back.

“yea. my mom sent me grocery shopping, but i’m stalling for time.”

“stalling?” scara picked his head up, and rested on his elbow.

“my mom invited lumine’s family over for dinner.”

scara pulled a disgusted look. “ew, why?”

“her mom’s birthday.”

“hope she’s had an awful one.” scara sat up completely. “that’s so weird. you guys are broken up.”

childe sighed. “i know. if i don’t show up period my parents might actually kick me out and stop paying for my insurance and gas.” he said, half jokingly.

scara didn’t respond, he just stared at the floor.

childe blushed as he eyed scara’s hand, wanting to hold it.

“you’re such a dog.” scara said and grabbed childe’s hand. “if you want to do something, just do it.”

“...alright.” childe stood up, scooped scara up, and moved to lay him on the pillows, so he could lay on top of scara.

“what the fuck childe?” scara said when the ginger laid down on top of him.

“you just said.”

“i, well-” scara cut himself off with a sigh. “you really..” he blushed and scowled. “whatever, just don’t fall asleep or else i’m going to actually kick you awake this time.”

“i'm not.” childe said truthfully. he just wanted to cuddle.

he thought about what scara said earlier. “hey scara?”

“what?”

“did you mean what you said earlier?”

“...yea.”

“tomorrow,” childe picked his head up, scara’s lips centimeters away from his own. “pose for me tomorrow.”

“i really hate you.” scara whispered.

the words ‘and i’m in love with the way you do’ lingered on childe’s tongue, but he held back and pulled away. “i have to go or i’m going to be late.”

“yea… bye.” scara rolled over so his back was facing childe.

the red head’s gaze fixated on him for a while longer before he left through the window. childe had waited 4 years, they were... dating now, he guessed. he finally had him, but it was way too early to say everything he wanted to. a little longer wouldn’t hurt.

Chapter Text

scara didn’t understand how childe worked. one second he literally couldn't speak because of how flustered he was, then he was bold as hell with no shame. he had just left through scara’s window, and scara felt like he was dying. maybe. is this what a heart attack felt like?

he had fallen asleep thinking of childe, and when he woke up it was late. “oh hey sleeping beauty, finally awake?” mona said from beside him.

“you’re literally the worst thing anyone could see when they first wake up.” scara yawned and climbed over her to get out of bed.

“your mother would have to disagree.”

“are you spending the night?”

“no, actually. i’m just here waiting for my mom to leave.”

scara hummed and grabbed his hoodie, throwing it over his head. he grabbed his phone off the nightstand and checked his texts. fuck, he forgot childe had that dinner with lumine.

-

childe had a headache.

it isn’t easy sitting at a dinner table with your ex, who hates you but still loves(?) you, her brother, who either hates you or is crushing on you, their parents, who love you, and your own parents, who are mad at you for a lot of things. oh, and your three siblings who want attention, get bored easily, and ask so many questions.

emphasis on so many questions.

“i thought you and lumi were dating, why did you break up?”

the atmosphere froze over quicker than hell was about to.

childe sighed, smiling slightly at teucer’s stupidity and inability to read a room.

“that’s… big kid stuff, you’ll understand when you’re older.” thank you lumine, for not being a bitch for once and actually thinking before you speak, childe thought.

childe wished he could take scara on a date. even now when there was still so much to be thinking about, the familiar beautiful face kept leaking into his thoughts. or he wished he could take a nap.

“ajax, are you done? could you go put your siblings to bed?” his mom asked him passive aggressively.

“yea.”

childe kind of moved on autopilot, not really thinking, as he helped his three siblings to bed. he kind of snapped out of it when he turned off the light to their room.

“ajax?” tonia called out to him just as he was about to close the door.

“yes, tonia?” he responded, though it came out more tired than he hoped.

“do you need me to help put you to bed, too? you seem tired.”

childe laughed. “no, thank you, i’m alright. just go to sleep.”

his head throbbed as he walked back down the stairs. he had a feeling his headache was about to turn into a migraine, realizing the conversations were about to change into the “big kid stuff.”

-

childe was texting scara. he was not paying attention to the conversation at all, knowing it was just his parents asking lumine questions to make her seem better than she actually was.

his relationship with lumine wasn’t actually that bad. he just never saw her as a partner, and more as a friend. which was a problem, considering they had to kiss and stuff. thinking about it made childe sick.

while he was unintentionally ignoring everyone else in the room, he learned a couple things about scara. he's a dry texter. like extremely dry. and mean. if you didn’t know scara you’d think he was serious. or maybe he was actually serious. either way, he's dry and mean over text, but no matter what he says or the tone says it in it makes childe’s heart do a weird thing. the more that he thought about it, he wasn't sure if it was a flutter, or an ache.

and it makes childe’s realize that he is definitely so down fucking bad it's painful for even him to think about. if scara told him to jump from a plane with no parachute, he probably would with no hesitation. that's just the effect scara had on him. but maybe that was a bad thing. maybe...

“ajax.”

shit. he forgot he was in the middle of a dinner. he looked up and saw everyone was staring at him.

“sorry. what is it?” he responded, turning off his phone and putting it on the table.

“could you help lumine with the dishes?”

he glanced at lumine, who looked indifferent, then at aether, who was glaring at him.

childe smiled politely. “sure.”

childe stood up and grabbed his plate, along with others, and walked to the kitchen, lumine walking behind him. he didn’t even look at her as he started on the dishes.

“i didn’t think i’d ever be back in your house again.” she said, walking across the kitchen and looking around, not even helping him.

childe just hummed. her voice was annoying.

lumine was annoyed at his lack of response. “are you dating anyone new?”

“wouldn’t you like to know.” childe says before he could stop himself.

she scoffed. “actually yea? i would like to.” she walked up beside him and stared at him. “i have the right to know, i’m your ex.”

“i’m not having this conversation.” childe said flatly, though he knew he’d have it with his parents later. everything he says leads to an argument, and thinking about that makes his head throb. “if you’re not going to help, just go back to the table.”

she clicked her tongue. “no.”

childe honestly considered dropping the stupid dishes right there, and leaving to spend the night at kaeya’s or signora’s, but that would just incur his parents wrath. he just sighed in response.

silence fell upon them, and childe did the dishes quickly so he could get out of there. he felt uncomfortable, knowing lumine was staring holes through his face. he knew she was standing right next him, leaning on the counter. and she knew the affect she had on him. the negative one.

he finally finished, and turned to go get tylonel. he felt sick, and like someone was repeatedly stabbing his head with an icepick.

he didn’t expect lumine to grab his shirt, and press her lips against his own.

-

scara was sitting at his desk, glancing every once in a while at his phone, hoping childe would text him again. he had been left on read. for 3 hours now. scara had just finished his homework, so he was spinning around in his desk chair, waiting for a response.

mona had left about 15 minutes ago, so he was alone and bored. his phone dinged and he immediately picked it up, hoping it was childe. and it was… his mom. scara considered smashing his phone into a wall.

his mom didn’t even have anything important to say. just that she’d be home late. who cares?

then there was a knock on his window, and he hoped it was childe. actually, he prayed it was childe. he wanted to see the ginger so bad, to either smack him or hug him he didn’t know. maybe he should smack himself, because this is ridiculous.

he practically sprung to his window, and was disappointed to see kaeya standing there when he peeled his curtains back.

“what?” scara snapped when he opened the window.

“is childe here?”

“no. why?”

kaeya sighed. “he texted me about two hours ago, asking to stay over, and i said he couldn’t, because he couldn’t, and then he left me on read.”

“he left me on read too. three hours ago.” scara rolled his eyes. “so what?”

“something probably happened, you know he had that dinner with lumine’s family.”

scara hesitated. he hadn’t even thought about that.

“anywhere else he would be?”

kaeya shook his head. “i tried signora already and she said she didn’t even get a text.”

scara sighed. “that idiot.”

-

childe just needed to take a nap. his head fucking hurt like a bitch, and he was angry, which was only amplified when lumine kissed him.

he remembered shoving lumine off him and storming out. he had thankfully left his wallet and keys in his car, so he only walked back into the dining room to grab his phone and leave. he sent kaeya a quick text, but knew the answer would be no because he told childe earlier that he finally convinced albedo to come over.

so instead of kaeya’s place, he went to a walmart parking lot and attempted to sleep in the backseat of his car. his thoughts kept him awake, like most nights.

childe thought about scara the most, which also wasn't unusual. childe was a fucking mess, and he knew it. he didn’t deserve scara. maybe he should break it off, before scara realizes what he said yes to and regrets it, because he knew scara would.

scara was way too good for him, and he didn’t even think about what would happen if scara said yes to his confession when he let it out. childe wondered where he would be now if scara rejected him. maybe he could move on, and maybe he could try convincing himself he was straight.

he stared at his school backpack, and thought about his drawings of scara littering his notebooks. he thought about the two classes he shared with the other, how instead of paying attention to the lessons, he only paid attention to scara. he thought about all the times he wrote about scara in his diary, wishing he could be next to him instead of dottore, wishing he was the one scara was with, wishing he was the only one scara had eyes for.

childe felt like crying, but nothing would come out. he wasn’t sad, he was angry. angry at his parents, angry at lumine, but mostly angry at himself. everything was his fault. he was the fuckup. he was the problem. if he wasn’t such a disease-

childe sighed when his phone started to ring, thinking he put it on do not disturb. he didn’t. scara’s contact lit up the screen of his phone, and he hesitated to answer.

“y-”

“where are you?” scara cut him off before he could speak.

childe sat up and looked out the window of his car. “a parking lot… why?”

“you didn’t answer my text.”

“oh.” he remembered choosing not to respond. “i forgot.”

scara didn’t respond for a few seconds, because he was swallowing his pride. “...fuck, i can’t believe i’m saying this.” scara sharply inhales. “come over, i…” the words ‘i miss you’ lingered on scaras tongue, but they wouldn’t come out for some reason.

“okay, i’m on my way. i, um, can’t stay for long. but i just need to talk to you about some things.”

scara also wanted to ask if he was alright, judging by the tone of childe’s voice, but before he could answer the call ended. something definitely happened.

-

childe felt like a dick as he drove to scara’s house. the thoughts wouldn’t stop. he would never be good enough for anyone. he’d never be enough for his parents, scara, his friends, no one. what the fuck is wrong with him?

he parked at the almost abandoned park instead, so he could go there if he needed to cry. which he doubted. for some reason, childe felt worse walking to scara’s house knowing he had to walk away.

when he walked up, scara was already standing there waiting for him, which made it sting more.

“took you long enough.” scara rolled his eyes. “what do you want? to talk about, i mean.”

childe felt awful. he grabbed the side of scara’s face and placed a kiss on his lips.

“i really like you,” childe started to say. “but we shouldn’t be together.”

the softness in his voice in comparison to the harsh words he just said threw scara off guard. he smacked childe’s hand away. “what…?”

the pain was evident on childe’s features as tears stung his eyes. “i’m sorry.” he refused to look at scara.

the tears spilled out of childe’s eyes before he could control it. it wasn’t like he wanted to break up with scara, but it would never work.

“you deserve someone better than a fuckup.” childe said quietly.

scara didn’t respond. he also felt tears in his eyes but he quickly blinked them away. “wow.” was all he mustered. “you’re… a fucking dick.” it felt like scara’s heart was stabbed by a blade.

scara thought about what childe said earlier that day, about wanting scara to pose for him. where the fuck did that go? what happened? childe couldn’t just ask scara out, and show that he clearly is interested in him, then take it back. it wasn’t fair.

“you’re so fucking unfair. i actually hate you.” scara muttered.

why did he even bother?

childe just stood there looking down at his shoes, while his eyes swam with tears.

“i don’t know what the hell happened, but you’re right. i don’t deserve a fuckup. sort your shit out.” scara snapped and turned around to go back inside his house, and childe heard him mutter, “why do i even bother giving a shit?”

the ginger felt even worse walking back to his car, and he had known he truly fucked up before he even opened his mouth. he knew he caused this, but it wouldn’t stop feeling like lemon juice being poured on a stab wound. being rejected didn’t make him feel better, and he knew at that point that he’d never be able to move on.

Chapter Text

scara was sobbing in front of his mom again. he felt stupid. why would childe break up with him right after kissing him and saying “i really like you”?

“you both need to properly communicate, scara.”

“how the fuck am i supposed to do that when,” he took a second to breathe. “when he didn’t tell me anything! i really, really hate him. so much.”

“if you hate him, then why are you sobbing over him?” ei sighed.

“i don't know.” scara choked out. “he said that he ‘doesn’t deserve me’, and that i don’t deserve a fuckup. it was probably his parents that implemented that idea in his head, and i wanted to tell him he’s not a fuckup but it didn’t come out and i said the meanest thing- i was angry.”

“what did you say?”

scara didn’t respond for about 3 minutes, as tears continued to fall from his eyes.

eventually, he took in a shaky breath. “i said ‘you’re right, i don’t deserve a fuckup, sort your shit out’. he doesn’t realize that i’m the fuckup. that i’m the one who doesn’t deserve him!.” scara choked out. he felt like a fucking toddler, throwing a huge tantrum over something stupid, and not worth it.

“find him at school tomorrow and talk about it.” ei said, brushing the hair out of scara’s face. “you won’t get him back if you don’t talk to him about it.”

“i don’t want him back, i hate him.”

she stared at him. “okay. right. you need some sleep.” she glanced at her watch. it was 2 am. she stood up and looked down at him. “i have to go back into the office, but call me if you need anything. ”

ei was also terrible at comforting. go figure.

scara ended up crying until he fell asleep about 40 minutes later, and he actually woke up early. his eyes were a bit puffy and he looked like shit. he was going no makeup, hoodie and sweats today. which he hasn’t done since finals week freshman year.

he was going to go to school, find childe, and talk to him. period.

-

childe had never skipped school before. sure, he’s lied about being sick like twice, but he’s never actually skipped. until today.

he came home last night at around 1 am after sobbing his fucking eyes out. he broke up with scara while he wasn’t thinking clearly. and he regrets it. so fucking much. his head was full of overthinking thoughts, and he hurt scara more than anything. he couldn’t face anyone. he started to wonder if he and scara were even together in the first place, if it was all just a dream or not. waking up from it was something he dreaded.

he was laying in his bed, just staring up at his ceiling. he felt dirty. childe’s phone vibrated, and it was probably kaeya calling him a cunt for not saying he was going to skip. but instead it was scara. and he called childe a cunt, asshole, dick, sleazy, annoying, dreadful, stuck-up, privileged, shitty, scummy, fuck wad. and how he needed to talk to him.

childe was going to not answer but cursed himself for not turning off read receipts. he said he was sick, turned off his read receipts then, and turned off his phone.

-

scara stared at his phone before sending back ‘yea, i’m sick too. sick of your shit 😐’. it was lunch time now, and scara nor childe had said a peep to either of their best friends.

“scara, why do you look like shit today?” mona asked when she walked into the bathroom.

“i woke up late and didn’t feel like trying.”

“uh huh… what happened? something with your mom?”

“no.”

“then what?”

“childe broke up with me.”

“what!?”

“and then fucking skipped school.”

“pause, run that back.” mona was shocked to her soul. “he’s like, fucking obsessed with you! why did he break up with you, what!?” she was yelling.

“go tell the whole school, while you’re at it. jesus, you’re so loud.” scara snapped. “i don’t know why he broke up with me! he just said ‘you don’t deserve a fuckup’ and left. kind of. but anyway he did it after he kissed me and said he really liked me. what the fuck am i supposed to take away from that?” tears started spilling from his eyes unknowingly again.

“and he skipped school, too? what a scumbag. go to his house.” she sat down next to him.

“i’m not just going to show up to his house where his parents are, and they’re probably the ones who caused this.”

mona looked at him questioningly.

“never mind. not your business.”

she sighed.

“i don’t even know why i bothered to commit this early. it took me like a year with both kazuha and dottore.”

“haven’t you like childe since junior year, though?”

“what?” scara snapped. “no, are you…” he trailed off. “shut up.”

“just go talk to childe. he’ll tell you everything. trust me.”

"and you know that, how?" scara sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, knowing she was about to say something that would give him a headache.

"he’s a cancer."

“do not cloud my mind with your delusional astrology bullshit. i am not in the mood.”

mona laughed. “trust me, scara. the cards are all laid out! a happy relationship is in your future.”

“get fucking lost already.”

-

scara fell asleep in history class. not that they were doing much anyway. he thought about childe. he wished he could see him.

he woke up when the bell rang, and forgot what he dreamt about. childe was definitely in there somewhere and it wasn’t a bad dream. so thats that.

he was dragging his feet to leave class, and when he did he almost ran smack into lumine. scara rolled his eyes. “make yourself useful for once and stay out of the god damn way.”

lumine ignored his comment. “where is childe?”

“text him or some shit.” scara said and walked past her. “you look like shit today, by the way.”

“fuck you, asshole. he blocked me!” she called after him.

he stopped, realizing lumine was probably the cause of childe acting the way he was. he turned around and walked back to where lumine was standing, much to her surprise.

“what did you do to childe?” he interrogated her.

“what? nothing.” lumine leaned against the wall and crossed her arms.

“good to know i can add liar back to your list of insults.” he spun on his heel and started walking away.

she scoffed. “did he tell you something happened?”

scara looked over his shoulder. “yea. he did. and he said you were the cause.” maybe he’s a bit of a liar too.

“tell him he’s an ass!”

“telling you from him, you’re a stuck up bitch.”

“he didn’t say that.”

scara shrugged and actually walked away this time. “prove me wrong, stuck up bitch.”

-

“teucer, let your brother sleep. he’s having a bad day.” childe heard his mom say as he stirred awake. he forgot he fell asleep on the couch.

“but mom-”

“you’re being so loud, teucer. look, you woke him up.” tonia scolded her younger brother.

childe sat up and rubbed his eyes. “did you just get home from school?” his voice was hoarse. he patted teucer’s head and stood up.

“yes.”

“you three, go upstairs. i have to talk to your brother about some things.” childe’s mom said from the kitchen.

the three scampered up the stairs.

“they’re going to be listening from upstairs.” childe said as he walked past her and opened the fridge.

“ajax…” he peeked out from behind the fridge door. she looked tired.

he closed the fridge. “yea?”

she let out a sigh. “what’s going on?”

“uh,” childe was shocked. “nothing.”

“don’t give me that. i know something is going on. you’ve never skipped school, and you walked out during dinner last night, you’re out of the house more…” his mom sighed again. “i know something is wrong. is it your dad?”

he hesitated. he wanted to say yea, but he didn’t know how much of him talking about his feelings would get him in trouble. it wasn't like his mom wasn't causing him issues, either.

“i’m not going to be mad, ajax, i’m worried. you look so tired and worn out these days, i-” she sighed again. “i know we’ve been harsh on you. i don’t know if your dad regrets it, but i do.” she tapped her fingers on the counter, not making eye contact.

“no.” childe said flatly. “it’s more than just dad.”

she pressed her lips together, and nodded slowly. “what’s going on?”

“it’s hard being hated for being gay, when i already hate myself for it. it’s like a constant reminder.” childe leaned against the counter and stared at the floor.

his mom didn’t respond, so he continued.

“i liked this guy for 4 years now, and i finally told him how i felt. i don’t even know if we were dating or what, but i broke it off with him yesterday because he deserves someone better than me. someone who doesn’t fuck everything up.”

he smiled sadly, but he knew he was right. his mom was silent, and he didn’t bother looking up to see how she looked. childe knew she would agree, and probably make him feel like shit for even saying anything about it.

“is that really what your father and i made you think of yourself..?”

he looked up so fast.

she was crying.

childe had never seen his mom cry. “why are you crying?” he asked quietly.

“i’m so sorry, i-” she cut herself off with a sob, and reached for a box of tissues on the counter. “i never meant to make you feel that way. i don’t know what i was thinking when i treated you like that.”

“mom-”

“your father gets mad easily and i get carried away.” she wiped her eyes. “i’m an awful mother, i never wanted you to feel that way, no less have your father and i be the cause.”

childe didn’t know what to say, so he just stared with wide eyes.

“i don’t care who or what you like anymore, ajax. i just want you to be happy. he scared your older siblings out, and now he’s going to scare you out.” she walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him. “i love your father and i know he can be overbearing, but you can’t let him treat you this way.”

childe eventually hugged his mom back, still in shock. he thought his mom was just the same as his dad.

“you’re super amazing, ajax, you’re the best kid. you’re everything anyone’s ever wanted, and i’m sorry it’s taken me to be at your breaking point to see it.”

“mom, it’s okay.”

it wasn’t okay, and he’d probably never forget what his mom said before. it's kind of one of those situations where you don’t know what to do. even though this was about him, he was comforting his mom instead. the red head was appreciative of his mom, and finally accepting him, but it wasn’t something he could just leave behind. all of this shit was happening in so little time, it was overwhelming. he felt suffocated, and he didn't have any time to think or process stuff.

childe never understood why his older siblings moved out so quickly, but now he did. and he was probably going to do that. while his mom cried, he started picking at the skin around his nails, but not the polish. the polish scara did.

fuck, he wanted to see scara so bad.

-

scaramouche does not beg for men.

he established that rule a long time ago, and he will stay true to it.

“i completely agree. 100%.” mona said over the phone. she was doing homework, and scara had given up on his. though he was supposed to be doing homework.

his mom did find out that he hadn’t been doing it, so she grounded him, since his grades were kind of falling. she’ll never change in that department, despite what's going on with him.

“you know scara i don’t think we’d be in this predicament if you did your homework in the first place.”

“thanks, i didn’t realize that.” scara said sarcastically. “i was preoccupied with other things.”

“thing, singular.”

“fuck off.”

“you've been saying that a lot recently, the cards say... also, i have a feeling you’re going to beg for a man sometime in your near future…” she said, with shuffling in the background.

“alright miss mona megistus, put the tarot cards away.” scara rolled his eyes.

“hey, i’m practicing. this is important stuff.”

there was a knock on scara’s window. “oh, hold on someone's at my window, can you check who it is?”

there was more shuffling in the background, then a bang, followed by “ow, fuck.” eventually she poked her head through her curtains. “i don’t know, i can’t see behind this stupid ass tree.”

“your value as a person is about as much as that tree.” scara rolled over onto his back, then stood up from on the floor where he was laying. “call you back in a sec.”

he tossed his phone on his bed, and opened his window.

it was childe.

okay, maybe he would beg for a man.

fuck tarot cards.

Chapter Text

“um, hey.” childe said and looked away.

scara stared at him. “what are you doing here?”

“can we talk?”

“we are talking.”

childe hesitated. “i’m sorry.”

“you already said that, remember?” scara was still pissed. “yesterday. when you said we shouldn’t be together.”

“i know. i don’t expect you to want to be, um… whatever, again, but,” he sighed. “i fucked up. i don’t want to trauma dump, or use it as an excuse, but shit happened, and i know messed up before i even opened my mouth. and i’ve regretted it. a lot.”

scara didn’t say anything, but he did listen.

“you, um, probably guessed already, but lumine…” he trailed off and sighed again, cursing himself under his breath.

“what? lumine what?”

childe stared intently at a spot on the bricks of scara’s house. “she kissed me. yesterday.”

“then you break up with me?” scara was unimpressed.

“i didn’t like it.” childe said quickly. “i broke up with you because i felt like shit, and because i know it’s never going to end. i don’t want to drag you into my mess and problems, especially since lumine’s already an expert at harassing you. and because i know that i was going to be the one to mess everything up. and i did.”

scara sighed. “and you didn’t even consider how i’d feel?”

“no. i didn’t. i normally do, and the one time i didn’t…” childe looked up at him.

“i’m going to stop you before you continue to embarrass yourself.” scara said, which made the ginger immediately close his mouth. “i do not give a shit what your parents think, or what lumine thinks, or anyone. you’re such a fucking idiot. you need to get it through your thick skull that i like you, and no one is going to change that. trust me, i’ve tried and hated myself over it. just stop thinking that you have to do everything yourself.”

childe didn’t know what to say as scara hopped out of his window and stood in front of him.

“you don’t want me to be apart of your mess? you’re going to have to cry about it, because i already am.” he scowled. “i’m not going to get down on my knees and beg you to take me back. you decide for yourself if you want me back or not, and you have to make me trust you again. i’m not going to push you away, because i like you. but not enough that i’m just going to take you back.”

“you’re not angry?”

scara looked like he wanted to hit childe. “of course i am. i’m fucking pissed. i’m so angry and frustrated with you because you’re such an idiot.”

the two stared at each other for a short while. childe didn’t know what to say, and scara didn’t know if he said too much.

“i mean it when i say i hate you this time. you’re so infuriating.” scara took a step toward him. “kiss me once for confidence, then get lost. i’m not going to make it easy.”

“can i save it? and have a one time free pass whenever i want?”

the raven haired boy considered it for a second. “fine.” he said with a scowl.

“come to my game tomorrow.”

“are you serious?”

“never been more.”

scara’s heart raced at the look in childe’s eyes, he is so pretty. “you're getting too cocky, i haven't forgiven you yet. but i’ll think about it. now get lost, i’m grounded. i’m not supposed to be talking to anyone until i finish my homework.”

“oh,” childe glanced into scara’s room. “okay, i’ll, um… get going.”

“bye loser.” scara climbed back into his window and shut it, immediately going to scream into his pillow, when he got a call from mona. “what?”

“i didn’t hear much but that was definitely childe, wasn’t it?”

“you were trying to listen? get a fucking life.”

“oh, can you help me with this?” mona asked, trying to steer the conversation away.

“no, do it yourself.”

-

childe was laying on signora’s floor, kaeya in her hanging egg chair, while she was in the shower. she forbade either of them from talking about anything until she was done, so they were both sitting in awkward silence.

she eventually walked out of her bathroom. “why do you guys look so tired?” signora asked, towel-drying her hair.

“it’s tiring being the hottest one her-” kaeya started to say, but was cut off but the towel being thrown smack in his face.

“you’re not even close to it.” she sat down on her bed.

peeling the towel from his face and dropping it on childe’s, he looked smug. “if i wasn’t, then how come i’m the only one who's not single? it’s skill issue.”

“childe is close to getting a boyfriend, right? and how come you skipped school?”

childe had stayed silent, and how he had a towel over his face to hide his embarrassment. he would definitely be made fun of for the rest of his life if he told them what happened. he reached up and grabbed the towel, slowly pulling it off. “i.. felt, um, sick.”

“you’re such an awful liar, why do you even bother?”

he could feel both of them staring at him. “i’m not that bad, half the time.”

“so you admit you were lying.” signora shook her head. “you’re too easy to crack.”

“you’re a goody two shoes, childe. i don’t even know how you’re still friends with us.” kaeya said, messing with one of signora’s lipsticks from her dresser. “how the fuck do you open this?”

“you’re going to break it, put it back, you nitwit.” she snapped. “you’re so annoying.”

childe was trying to work out how to tell them without turning it into a vent, especially because it’s still embarrassing. “um, i don’t know.”

signora narrowed her eyes. “it’s about scara, isn’t it?”

the ginger flushed red. “maybe.”

“let’s talk about my boyfriend instead.” kaeya stood up, like he was about to make a business presentation.

“albedo is the only thing you’ve been talking about over text for the past week. please find something else to make your personality.”

kaeya looked at her like she’d grown three heads. “fuck you. i have a personality outside of him. where would you guys be without me?”

childe and signora made eye contact.

“exactly, probably dying in a ditch somewhere-”

“didn’t you pierce your lip with a sewing needle and an ice cube? and have it almost get infected?”

“didn’t you get caught sneaking out to go to a party because you gracefully fell out your window and had to go to the hospital because you broke your wrist?”

“aren’t you failing all your classes?”

“didn’t you crash your car into a tree while going to get condoms?”

“okay i get it.” kaeya snapped before they could continue and sat back down. “in my defense, i did all that this year when i was 18. so it’s fine.”

signora looked unimpressed. “you’re gonna have a hell of a time in college when you combine this with alcohol.”

“i’ll rely on you to pick me up, signora.”

“keep dreaming.”

childe went quiet again, which was unlike him, as he thought about what he could do for scara. and to avoid lumine. the other two bickered and he kind of tuned them out.

“childe, don’t ignore us! we still haven’t forgotten about you.” kaeya snapped, narrowly avoiding the pink pillow signora launched at his head.

“yea, tell us what’s wrong.”

“i don’t know.” childe sat up and moved to lean against the bed. “i don’t want to ruin the mood.”

“the only ‘mood’ going on here is disrespect kaeya in all ways possible. why aren’t we disrespecting childe, huh?” he snapped at signora.

“i only disrespect idiots.” signora said, sliding off the bed and sitting next to childe. “what’s wrong? you’re going to get permanent wrinkles if you keep creasing your eyebrows like that.”

he took a deep breath, which turned into a heavy sigh, and went off. he told them everything.

how his parents are homophobic, how lumine kissed him, how much his parents want him back together with lumine, how much he fucked up with scara, how much he likes scara, how his mom kind of accepts him now, and what scara said now.

they were both silent when he finished.

“i honestly don’t even know what to say.” signora said.

“i do.” kaeya said and looked straight at childe. “you’re fucking stupid, man.”

“i’m aware.” the red head said, playing with his fingers.

“i’m sorry about your parents, you should’ve told us.”

“yea, seriously! i didn’t know your dad didn’t like me, he’s insane. everyone likes me.” kaeya said, looking outraged. signora followed it with a quiet “shut up, kaeya.”

childe sighed. “i’m just glad scara didn’t flat out reject me again.” he thought about his one-time free kiss pass, and when he was going to use it.

kaeya burst out laughing. “yea, right. you’re hot, childe. even i would crumble if you showed up to my house begging for forgiveness.”

signora considered. “no. that’s just embarrassing. i’d laugh at you. and also, i’m going to start disrespecting you. you’re officially an idiot in my eyes.” she stood up. “are you guys spending the night? i have to ask arlecchino and columbina if you want to.”

“i will.” kaeya said quickly. “diluc has jean over,” he made an over exaggerated retching noise. “straight people.”

“i should probably go before my dad blows up my phone to ask if i’m at some guys house, or something.” he stood up and headed for signora’s bedroom door.

“we’ll talk about this more later, don’t think you got off nicely!” signora called after him as he left her apartment.

childe had a lot of adjusting to do. he hoped now his mom would come to his defense when he got into arguments with his dad, and he hoped his dad would hopefully, maybe, accept who he was eventually. and, just as he predicted when he got into his car, his phone started ringing, and it was his dad. of course.

Chapter Text

scara was late. in fact, he wasn’t even on planning to come to childe’s game until he told mona that childe told him to come, and she forced him.

literally yanked him by the arm.

scara remembered coming to dottore’s games a couple times, being bored out of his mind, and also being ignored by dottore after, so he stopped coming. he definitely wouldn’t have come if it wasn’t a home game, but of course it had to be.

“it’s halftime already, jesus scara, how late were you planning to be?” mona groaned as he rolled his eyes.

in all honesty, scara did not understand jack shit about football. he knew there was an offense, a defense, a quarterback, and a ball. that’s about it. he didn’t even know what dottore’s position was, though he always knew childe’s position and number.

“mona!”

the two looked around and saw kaeya waving at them, with a blonde woman sitting next to him scrolling on her phone.

“woah, scara i didn’t think you were gonna come.” kaeya said surprisingly. “i thought you hated childe right now.”

“i do.” scara scowled while looking at the field. “she dragged me here.” he pointed to mona.

the blonde looked up and immediately stared at scara.

“what?” scara snapped.

“your skin is so clear i’m jealous.” she stood up and shoved kaeya out of the way, taking his spot. “you’re childe’s boyfriend, right?”

“in his day dreams, maybe.” scara said nonchalantly, and sat down next to her, acting like he hasn’t sobbed over childe many times and also dreamt about him.

“i’m signora.” the blonde said, side eyeing kaeya when he mocked her behind her back.

“we haven’t seen you at school before,” mona said from around kaeya. “or do you not go to our school?”

“i graduated last year, but i stayed friends with childe.”

“am i not your friend?” kaeya looked bewildered.

scara considered moving all the way across the stands to a different spot. they were all so noisy and embarrassing, it was drawing attention to them. scara remembered seeing signora in a couple of childe’s instagram posts before he blocked him in junior year.

“shut up, it’s starting again.”

-

scara was confused the entire time. but he knew the teams were tied the entire time. because he looked at the scoreboard.

signora, kaeya, and mona kept cheering at times when apparently something happened, but he was fucking clueless. second football boyfriend and he still doesn’t know shit. you’d think he’d learn a thing or two to impress them, but it was the other way around for him normally so he never had to. he made a mental note to learn about it for later, though.

apparently, something big happened as an alarm blared, signaling the, apparent, end of fourth quarter. scara just saw childe run to one side of the field with the ball, then the alarm, then the loudest cheering ever. whatever that meant.

“scara, they won.” mona said, unimpressed at his lack of enthusiasm.

“they did?” he looked at the scoreboard. “oh.”

they were six points over.

scara looked back to the field, and saw childe was being tackled to the ground by all his teammates. he gagged internally by just looking at it. he hated sweat.

eventually, childe untangled himself, and he was looking around in the crowd, eventually making eye contact with scara. fuck.

-

childe was sitting in the passenger seat of his car, digging through the glovebox with the door open. he lost his glasses, but he didn’t really care. he needed time to calm down. scara coming to his game, seemingly for him, had a bigger affect on him than he would have thought.

“what are you doing?”

childe felt his soul leave his body, and he hit his hand when he slammed the glovebox shut. he turned to face the person, already knowing who it was.

it was scara.

“i’m looking for my glasses. i forgot where i put-” childe realized scara was super early to leave the crowd. his parents hadn’t even found him yet. “what are you doing here?”

“i don’t know.” scara said and leaned against childe’s car, looking up at the now dark sky.

childe was quiet, just staring at scara, and how pretty he looked.

“you won, right?”

he blushed. “yea.”

“you kind of looked stupid.” scara turned to face him. “i don’t understand anything about football.”

the ginger cracked a wide smile. “i can teach you.”

scara stared at him with so much disgust, which made him laugh. “no.”

“scara.” childe said suddenly, and hooked his finger on the belt loop of scara's jeans, pulling him closer. “can i use my kiss pass?”

scara didn’t answer, but moved to stand between his legs. he got extremely close, and childe waited for their lips to touch with his eyes closed.

but it never came.

scara reached behind him then withdrew, and childe felt something on his face.

“i found your glasses.”

“that’s pretty fucking unfair.” childe pouted.

scara scowled. “you want to talk about unfair? you treated me pretty unfairly. i’m going to do it back, but worse. grow up.”

they both went silent for a while, just staring at each other. childe still had his finger on scara’s belt loop, so scara couldn’t go anywhere. not that he would.

“it’s your last kiss for a while, dickhead. you sure?”

childe grinned. “yea.”

scara looked at childe, who had already closed his eyes waiting for scara to kiss him first. scara lightly grabbed the red head’s throat, and connected the gap between them. childe immediately moved his hands to scara’s hips. he wanted to be as close to him as possible.

childe stood up, making sure not to disconnect their lips or hit his head on his car. their lips flowed in sync, not even thinking about breaking away. scara’s hand dropped from childe’s throat, who slipped his hands under scara’s shirt slightly. just like during their first kiss. which made scara fucking melt.

neither of them knew how long they were planning to stand there, basically making out, but they definitely didn’t think it’d be cut this short.

“i doubt ajax is even here, he’s probably still with his team. when i played-”

both of them heard it at the exact same time, and neither could pull away fast enough. even if they did, childe’s entire immediate family saw them so close together, everyone knew something was going on. even if they didn’t see the lip to lip contact.

god, this was so fucking awkward.

apparently, childe didn’t even see them getting interrupted, which was why he was so bold. scara was just standing there with a blank expression, though in reality he was throwing a fit in his head.

first of all, whatever that was got interrupted, and second of all, out of all people to see them it was his fucking crush’s parents. and who he assumed was childe’s older sister he never met. fuck. he wanted to fucking die. just, fuck, fuck, fuck.

“you’re so cool, ajax! when you scored the final, um, point, that was super cool! i was like wow!”

no one really knew if teucer made the mood better or worse. it seemed like all three of his younger siblings had no idea of the weight of the situation everyone just witnessed.

scara didn’t know what to say or do. he just stood there, staring at childe’s dad, who was staring right back at him. if he looked away, he would lose. what was he doing? this was his crush’s dad.

“daddy, i want to go see the other players.” tonia pulled on her dads shirt, which made him look away.

“sure, tonia.” childe’s dad said, but his face was hardened and his tone was cold.

“i’ll come too.” his mom said quickly.

soon enough, childe’s parents and younger siblings had left as quickly as they came, but his older sister stayed behind.

scara cleared his throat. “well bye. i have a curfew.” he turned to walk away in the opposite direction.

childe wanted to say something, but he didn’t know what. this was so fucking embarrassing for everyone. when you’re making out with someone, you don’t expect your entire family to see you. especially if it’s with a dude, and you’re a dude, and they’re homophobic. this was the second fucking time scara had been scared off by childe’s family. he was pissed off and embarrassed.

he sighed, rubbing his eyes with his hands. “well that was fucking awkward.”

his sister burst out laughing. “god that was funny. dad looked like he was about to pop a blood vessel.”

childe blushed a very bright pink, and didn’t respond.

“i get it.” she walked over and threw an arm over his shoulders. “emo boys are hot. i never actually would’ve thought they’d be your type though, considering lumine and all.”

he didn’t think he could get anymore embarrassed anyway else than standing right where he was. he was always somewhat close to his older sister, but it was still embarrassing as fuck.

“it’s not a type.” childe sighed.

“is he your boyfriend?”

“its complicated. so... i guess, no?”

she nodded and silence fell over them. like both of them wanted to speak to fill the silence, but didn’t know what needed to be said. “well, that was a good game, at least.” his sister smiled and patted his shoulder. “see you at christmas, i’m not coming for thanksgiving.” she removed her arm from around his shoulders and walked away, probably to go find his parents or just leave altogether.

once she was gone, childe immediately pulled out his phone to text scara. he wasn’t finished with his kiss yet.

-

“i'm leaving.” scara said to mona over the phone. he was walking home already, but god he was so fucking embarrassed. but also that kiss was… he cursed himself for being attracted to childe.

“what? already? you haven’t even seen childe yet. were the bathrooms that bad?” mona said over the phone.

“yea. the bathroom was even worse than yours.”

mona said something else, but scara already zoned out. the grip of childe’s hands lingered on his waist, and he was also still mad that it was interrupted. he felt his phone buzz next to his ear. “hold on, call you back.”

“wai-”

scara ended the call and was expecting it to be from his mom, since he was definitely already past his curfew. but it was childe. of course it was childe.

the text said ‘where did u go 🙁’. and why scara was telling him, was definitely unknown. maybe because he was cursed or hexed or drunk or something. childe left him on read. the fuck? he’s such a bad fucking texter.

“scara!”

he stopped and turned around. childe was running straight toward him.

“i wasn’t done.” the ginger stopped right in front of him, slightly out of breath.

“what? i was serious, i have a curfew. i’m grounded.”

“still?”

“yea.”

childe looked like a sad puppy, or something. god, fuck this guy.

scara scowled, and ran a hand through his hair. “why do you keep doing this? fuck off. i was done with the kiss anyway, so it’s done.”

“can i have another one then?”

“no. what? you’re on probation for me, but you’re not in the clear. get lost, will you? you’re embarrassing.”

“how can i get in the clear if i can’t spend time with you?”

what is this fucking loser trying to do?

Chapter Text

“get lost.”

childe stopped himself from saying the worst pick up line imaginable.

“i’m trying to study.” scara glared at him and shut his textbook.

“i realized.” the red head grinned across from him.

they were in the school library. childe had taken it upon himself to follow scara around everywhere. even if it drew attention.

“you’re so annoying. why are you being so irritating?”

“i want an answer to my question.” he said nonchalantly and flipped through his notebook.

“finals are close, i’m too busy to worry about a stupid school dance, childe. plus you're not forgiven yet.”

“that’s not an answer.” the ginger started sketching something on one of the pages.

scara rolled his eyes. “it is.”

“you just don’t want to tell me no.”

he was absolutely right, and that pissed scara off even more. a lot of people had already asked childe to prom. of course scara didn’t want to go, but he also didn’t want childe to go with someone else.

“you can tell me no, it’s fine. we’re not dating so it’d be fine if i went with someone else, right?” childe loved seeing scara’s face flush with anger. he looked really pretty no matter what, so any expression scara made made childe’s heart race.

“i hate you so much.”

“hey love birds.” mona walked up to their table and put her textbook down. “all i miss was baseless flirting?”

“yea, and them forgetting i’m here.” kaeya said from where he was laying on the floor behind childe. “too much talk about prom.” he sat up and rolled his eyes.

“albedo reject you?” mona sat down and flipped through the textbook.

“no. he said we could go on a quiet date on the same night to avoid ending up at an after party.”

“i think he’s just responsible and doesn’t want you doing things you’re not supposed to.”

“i at least want to go to get pictures. i mean, it’s senior prom.”

mona and kaeya started having their own conversation, while scara and childe kind of tuned them out. the red head was drawing scara, while scara himself reopened his textbook and was attempting to study.

the two never brought up to their best friends about what happened after childe’s last game of the season. childe couldn’t stop thinking about it. the only ones who knew were themselves and his family.

speaking of which, his dad had started to-

scara kicked his leg under the table.

“what?” he had zoned out while sketching, and finally looked up. kaeya and mona were leaving the two, mentioning about going to class. “i thought we were skipping.” he said to scara.

“we are. i’m just bored and tired.” scara closed the textbook again, and stood up.

“what do you want to do?” the ginger smiled and closed his notebook.

“go home. i don’t feel well.” scara walked to the other side of the table and stood between childe’s legs, while he put his hands on scara’s waist.

“that’s why you’re not as mean. i’ll drive you if you go to prom with me.”

scara despised him. with his whole body and soul. “why do you want to go to prom with me so bad?”

“it’s senior prom. if i don’t go with you then there’s no point.”

scara rested his forehead on childe’s shoulder.

“is that a yes?”

the raven haired boy took his time answering, eventually turning his head and whispering in childe’s ear. “no.”

he pulled away, and walked past childe, who was turning a nice shade of red. childe stood up, stumbling after scara. he couldn’t help but follow his crush like a fucking dog. it’s just the effect scara had on people.

-

“stop moving for fucks sake.”

just as scara said that, childe jerked his head away. “you’re gonna stab me in the eye.”

he grabbed childe’s face with one hand, holding it in place. “no, i fucking won’t. close your eyes, and stop being a baby.”

childe flushed bright red and closed his eyes again. scara was doing his eye liner. neither of them said another word, and childe prayed scara couldn’t feel or hear his rapid heartbeat.

the raven haired boy was on top of childe, straddling him, as he was laying on scara’s bed.

“there, i’m done. i didn’t poke you, did i?” he rolled his eyes and sat up straight, tossing the eyeliner on his nightstand.

childe opened his eyes and looked at scara.

“you look atrocious.” he said, and moved to get off of childe, but was stopped by him firmly planting his hands on scara’s waist. “what?”

childe didn’t say anything, but held eye contact.

“what, childe?” scara said again, his voice just above a whisper.

childe, yet again, didn’t say anything. he moved one of his hands from scara’s waist to his throat and sat up at the same time, connecting their lips. scara bit the other’s lip, but kissed him back. he hated himself for it, because he was supposed to be making himself just out of reach for childe. might as well just give in, now.

suddenly, his window flew open.

“what the fuck, mona?” scara said before she even came through.

“what? i got really good news, can’t i share it?” she kicked off her shoes before even looking at them. “oh. woops. my bad.”

“yea. it is your bad. get lost, but i mean it. i’m going to shove you out the window.”

“no.” she sat down on the floor, and scara climbed off childe. the ginger’s face was so red, he was so mortified he couldn’t even say anything.

for some reason, he was less embarrassed to have his family see than mona. or it was because of the position they were in, and to have his boldness crushed in an instant.

“what do you want?”

“i got accepted into ucla!” she said, spinning around to face them quickly and shoved an envelope in scara’s hands.

oh. right. college.

“what? really? didn’t you say you weren't going because you couldn’t afford it?”

“i’m going to take loans and work like you, duh.”

scara and childe hadn’t had the conversation about college yet. they’d gotten closer ever since childe’s last football game, but they never really talked about the future.

“where are you going for college, childe?”

“oh. i’m going to ucla. i have a full scholarship.”

“no need to brag.” mona rolled her eyes. “kaeya’s also going there, right?”

he nodded. “yea.”

“scara you’re coming to ucla too, right?”

“i don’t know. depends. i think my mom will have a fucking heart attack if i don’t get at least 1500 on my sats.”

they all sat in silence for a couple minutes before childe got a text. “shit.”

“what?”

“forgot i have to pick my siblings up. i’ll text you later.”

“idiot.”

-

childe had been sitting in the driveway for a couple minutes after his siblings had gotten out. his dad was home.

eventually, he walked in the front door just as his dad was walking out of the hallway to the right.

his dad had moved on from yelling to just flat out ignoring him.

he turned to walk away before childe could even open his mouth.

“um, dad.” childe swallowed, feeling really anxious. “can we… um, talk? like actual talk. not yelling or… arguing or anything.”

his dad stopped walking, before sighing. he didn’t say anything more, but walked toward the living room. childe took it as a yes.

over the past couple weeks, kaeya and signora had been encouraging childe to talk to his dad, and set him straight. of course, childe didn’t think that’d do anything. he knew nothing would change his dad’s mind, because he thought he was always right.

even childe’s mom or older sister couldn’t do anything.

“what is it?” his dad sat down on the couch nonchalantly, still not looking at his son.

fuck. how was childe supposed to start this? this was just embarrassment to add on to his hurt. he’d gone over this conversation a million times in his head, but now that he was in it, it was ten times scarier.

as a kid, childe was called fearless. he was never really scared of anything, and if he was it never registered until after he was over it. that had lasted for a while. but right now, he was scared. he didn't know why, but he was scared. he didn’t want to fuck up his relationship with his dad anymore than it already was.

“um-” childe finally managed to open his mouth and get the lump out of his throat.

“i didn’t raise you to stutter.”

childe sighed and sat down at an arm chair. “um, look i-” he cut himself off and played with his fingers in his lap. “i know you aren't going to change your mind, because mom’s already tried but- i really…”

“what is it, son?” his dad didn’t sound angry, or consoling. he sounded a bit annoyed.

“it’s not fair.” childe blurted.

“what isn’t?”

“the way you treat me. it’s not fair. i don’t understand why it’s such a big deal that i’m gay, so much so that it’s affected the way you treat me. is it so bad? that i like guys? it’s not like it’s a choice i can make.”

childe’s dad was silent, so he took it as a sign to carry on.

“i’d rather you yell at me for it than just ignoring me. i get it, you didn’t want to see me with a guy, but this isn’t about what you want. it’s about what i want. i’ve spent too much time trying to make you and mom happy that i finally do something for myself, i get shunned for it. i just don’t understand. you want me to be the ‘perfect son’, but what does that even mean? if being your son isn’t enough to be begin with, then what's the point in trying to satisfy you, when you’re making that impossible?”

he still got no response. childe had tons more to say, but he knew he’d never get an answer he was looking for. he was right, it wasn’t about his parents anymore. in a couple months, he would go off to college without his parents lurking around 24/7.

he just wished he could have a good relationship with his dad still, not for himself or his dad, but for his siblings. he didn’t want his siblings to grow up further with a destroyed image of their dad because of something that happened between them.

as childe walked back through the front door of his house, he definitely felt like a weight was lifted off his chest, even though not much was said. his dad knew how he felt now, so he didn’t have to bottle anything up or act like his dad was in the dark.

his dad would probably never change his mind, and that wasn’t childe’s responsibility to worry about anymore. he could be a sad sack of shit on his own, wondering why his kids don’t contact him much once they’ve moved out. now he could start new relationships without feeling the need for closure in past ones.

he called scara as soon as he got in his car.

“what?”

“let’s go on a date.”

Chapter Text

“childe, get up.”

the ginger grunted and patted around the bed, mostly in search for his boyfriend who was no longer next to him.

“it’s 5, don’t you need to go to practice or whatever? get lost.”

“why are you up?” he finally said, forcing his eyes open. “did you pull an all nighter studying for sats and finals?”

“does it matter? get out.”

childe sat up, running a hand through his hair. “didn’t you ask me to sleep over last night?” a smile tugged at the sides of his lips when scara hovered over him from the side of the bed.

“no. i told you to sleep over.” scara said flatly. “and now i’m telling you to leave.”

“are you going to skip school to sleep all day?”

scara didn’t respond but he ran his hands through childe’s hair. the red head’s cheeks flushed, and he feared scara could hear his heart racing.

“don’t skip.” childe closed his eyes to lean into scara’s touch.

scara’s own heartbeat echoed in his ears. “whatever. you’re going to be late.” he dropped his hands and started walking toward his desk to clean it up.

“don’t fall back to sleep. i’ll come pick you up.”

“you-”

the window was already closing.

-

after childe drove scara to school with him, they hadn’t seen each other all day. which isn’t a long time but scara missed him, for some reason. he just wanted to be with the stupid ginger all the time.

“you’ve changed, scara.” mona sighed dramatically. “all it takes is a boyfriend and you’re ready to give up everything you have.”

“shut the fuck up.” scara blushed slightly, because she wasn’t wrong. “i don’t even like him, he’s stupid. i don’t know what you’re talking about. we barely just started dating again.”

“yea, okay buddy.” mona rolled her eyes. “figured out where you’re going to college yet?”

she glanced at him when he didn’t respond.

“you’re going somewhere far, aren’t you?” her eyes narrowed.

scara responded with silence yet again.

mona sighed.

“it’s a couple of hours away. my mom will have an aneurysm if i don’t come to see her every weekend, so whatever.”

“you’re such a loser.”

“and you’re not?”

“no. i have friends other than 2 people and the 12th grade counselor.” she yawned and faced toward the mirror, checking her makeup. “it’s almost lunch. i have to go make up a test. don’t stay in this bathroom, go talk to your boyfriend.” she teased as she walked toward the door.

“fuck off!”

after a couple minutes the bell rang and scara sighed. “maybe i should…”

-

childe was walking to the cafeteria with kaeya, debating on whether or not to text scara.

“maybe we should just-”

“no, itto was being annoying wondering where you’ve been eating. and the entire team is like ‘oh my god! where is childe!’ when you’re not there, like it’s the end of the world.”

the ginger scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “well…”

“just ask scara to come to the cafeteria.”

“he hates the cafeteria though. he said it’s too loud and looking at the school food makes him sick.”

“you’re so annoying.” kaeya snatched childe’s phone out of his hands and walked ahead.

“what- what are you doing?” childe flushed as he saw his best friend typing something on his phone, and jogged to catch up.

kaeya looked smug and handed his phone back. “nothing.”

immediately, childe opened up his texts to scara.

“don’t scare me like that.”

“it’s payback. you did it to me, remember?”

“no, no recollection at all.”

“really? because i remember.”

“i think you’ve got a couple screws loose, actually.”

kaeya snorted but didn’t respond otherwise.

childe glanced at his best friend. “you okay?”

“yea. i don’t know. albedo’s been kind of distant.” kaeya picked at the skin around his nail. “anyway, it’s whatever.”

“wanna talk about it?”

“no.” kaeya sighed. “i’ll figure it out.”

“alright.” childe said, not wanting to push. at the same time, he got a text from his dad. he didn’t bother reading it, he shut his phone off and slid it in his pocket. always twisting the knife.

-

scara was digging through his locker, attempting to find a notebook from freshman year biology. he was failing.

being in all ap classes now made him realize how important organization was. he couldn’t find jack shit in here.

suddenly, someone put their hand on his waist from behind, and scara almost swung on that someone. it was childe.

“don’t do that.”

“sorry.” childe smiled sheepishly. “i didn’t realize you were this messy.”

“my maids on vacation.” scara rolled his eyes.

childe smiled at the movie reference. “you should probably clean this out.”

“probably.” scara shut the door with a click, and turned to face the red head. “not going to the cafeteria?”

“no, um… i was going to the bathroom, but i saw you so…” the warmth from childe’s hand was gone when he moved it to awkwardly scratch the back of his neck.

scara glanced down the hallway both ways before hurriedly standing on his tiptoes and kissing the ginger on the cheek. childe’s cheeks flushed almost instantly, and he began to stammer. scara was fucking addicted to this.

childe cleared his throat, attempting to regain his composure. “you should come over after school.”

“i have to study.”

“i want to watch a movie.”

“ask kaeya.”

“no.”

scara glared, even though he almost just said yes immediately. “sats are next week. and then finals.”

“you still haven’t agreed to go to prom with me.”

“because i won’t.”

scara was about to pick up his backpack, when childe did it for him. “come to the cafeteria. we still have like, 15 minutes of lunch left.”

“didn’t you have to use the bathroom?”

childe looked like a light bulb flicked on in his brain. “oh, yea. be right back.” he set scaras backpack down and scurried off to the bathroom.

scara sighed and leaned against the lockers with his arms crossed, not sure what to do. he heard a shoe squeak against the floor behind him. he glanced back to see lumine standing there, a bit shocked, half a sandwich in one hand and a tube of lip gloss in the other.

she started to stammer, eventually scara’s name leaving her lips. “u-um, scara?”

no response.

“scaramouche, i- uh…”

scara just stared at her, unamused. she just cleared her throat and awkwardly played with one of the pigtails in her hair.

“what?” he snapped.

“i see you’re still as rude as always.” she rolled her eyes, gaining back her confidence, though it wasn't very convincing.

“yea, i won’t be changing anytime soon.”

silence fell between the two. unsure if they should insult each other, they just stayed silent.

“well, whatever.” she continued to walk down the hall, stopping just after passing scara. “by the way, er… you and childe are cute together. i guess.” she rolled her eyes again and continued walking.

shocked silence followed the dissipating of her footsteps as scara was left standing there in the hallway. what the fuck was that?

eventually, childe came out of the bathroom.

“what?” the ginger asked noticing scaras blank expression.

for once in his life, scara was lost for words. “what the hell? oh my god. lumine just-” he blinked a couple times. “forget it.”

“what? what did she do?” childe asked, confused.

“nothing. let’s just go.”

-

“she did what?” monas jaw practically unhinged from her skull. “she said that? were you just imagining it?”

“no i swear i wasn’t. she actually said that. not like i forgive her, i still hate her but still. maybe her shrink told her to make peace with all the bitches she hates before college.”

“maybe. or she just doesn’t hate you anymore.”

scara snorted. “yea, right.”

“oh, yea, childe asked me if you were serious about not going to prom with him.”

“i’m not. it’s just fun to see him beg.”

“you’re evil.”

scara sat up with a groan from where he was laying on his floor. “i gotta study.”

“didn’t childe ask you to go over to his house?”

“yea.”

“then go, i’ll study for you.”

“you’re so stupid that even if you managed to make that work, you’d fuck it up somehow.” he started scrambling through his closet to put on pajamas before going to childe’s. he’d probably end up sleeping over again.

“have fun.” mona said, mindlessly flipping through a textbook, not bothering to look up when scara was leaving through his window.

-

“no, tonia, he’s my boyfriend.” childe was having a glaring contest with his younger sister when she said that scara was pretty and her prince charming.

scara just stared at the two from childe’s bed. eventually, tonia looked away and childe started bragging about his win.

“okay, out. i’ll hang out with you later, we’re going to watch a big kid movie.” the ginger dragged his sister to his bedroom door, despite her protests.

“that’s not fair! we wanna watch too!” teucer said.

“mom and dad will kill me. i’ll let you watch a somewhat big kid movie with me later, okay? go play with your toys, or something.” childe shut the door and locked it before sighing.

“does this happen everyday?”

“yes.” he leaned against the door, looking at scara.

“you poor thing.” scara said with a straight face and with no empathy in his tone.

“it’s okay…” childe smiled and trailed off. “you didn’t say anything when i said you were my boyfriend.”

“why would i?” scara flopped back onto his pillows and stared at the string lights on his ceiling. “whatever. what ‘big kid movie’ are we watching?”

“i don’t know. you pick.” childe walked over to his bed and laid down on top of scara.

“move your ass. i can’t pick with you being dead weight on top of me.” he moved enough where scara had one arm free to reach for the remote on childe’s nightstand. “we’re watching a tim burton movie.”

“that’s okay. whatever you want.”

they laid in comfortable silence for a while. scara was convinced childe had even fallen asleep.

“scara?” he hummed in response. “two questions.”

“what?” scara ran a hand through childes hair, not looking away from the tv.

“are you really not going to prom?”

“i am. with you, i guess.” there was silence that followed. “what’s the second question?”

“...give me a second.” childe was blushing up to his ears, and trying to hide it.

scara didn’t say anything, but blushed slightly.

“where do you actually plan to go to college?” he asked after a few moments.

“stanford. i applied for a scholarship and got it. it’s only a couple hours away from ucla.”

childe went silent again.

“you’re starting to piss me off with all the silence. what is it?”

“nothing.” he responded quietly, and his arms wrapped around scaras waist tighter. “i’m happy you’re still staying close.”

scara hummed, not knowing what else to say.

“i don’t know if i ever told you...” childe sat up, staring down at scara.

“what?”

“you’re so fucking pretty.”

scara reached up and grabbed childes face, pulling it down to kiss him. “really?”

“yea.”

scara stared at childes face, studying every bit of it. he’d never really looked at his face so up close before. childe did the same to scara.

it felt like an eternity that childe waited to get to this point, but if he had to, he’d do it all over again. almost 4 years, and his heart rate still spiked even looking at him.

“i hate you.” scara whispered.

“i know, and i’m in love with it.”

emo boy - fin.

Chapter Text

hello !! feels kinda weird this fic is concluded now - i originally posted it here for my friends to read as a silly little thing and i actually never planned on pursuing it. and then people read it!! kinda crazy. this is my first fanfic, so obviously it's not perfect, and i definitely know it ! but it's just a part of me becoming a better writer. anyway, i know i said i would post an epilogue with this, BUT i have such a massive burnout on this plot that i just... nah. i'll definitely come back to it in the future (don't know how long that will be) with an epilogue, and i'll possibly rewrite some chapters. i feel like there's a lot i could improve on, with actually having a plot in mind, and the pacing... possibly i'll just rewrite the whole thing idk LOL.

i've mentioned briefly before that i was writing a kaebedo fic, and i've had the first chapter done for like a month, i've just been waiting to post it (sorry if you don't like kaebedo (not sorry)). WELLLL the first chapter is out, it's called 'hate yourself' from a tv girl song :). it's in the same universe as this one, but not the exact same time... if you do decide to read it, thank you!!! if not, that's okay <3. i hope you enjoy it !

i have so many other chiscara plots just sitting in my google docs, that i think i'll go on and write... whether they become another 20+ chapter fic or just a small thing, i'll still continue writing them. and this chiscara au isn't completely done!! theres cameos in my kaebedo fic, and will be in future fics i write in this au too :). if you guys got ships you'd like to see me write, i'm open to suggestions too, i always like expanding my aus :).

i also just want to say thank you for reading and giving me support :) honestly you guys' comments had me laughing and gave me motivation to keep writing more chapters, which is a big deal to me. there's not much more i can say but thank you. so, thanks <3

tl/dr; i'll possibly be rewriting this fic and i will officially conclude it with an epilogue eventually, i posted my kaebedo fic (it's called 'hate yourself'), i will post more fanfiction outside this au that will most likely be chiscara, and thank you for reading :). it means a lot !!

Chapter Text

scara groaned as he flopped onto his boyfriend’s bed.

“how did you convince me to go to that?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.

childe chuckled. “scara, you have to change.” he said, pinning the recently taken pictures on his wall, right above his desk. he left one out to frame, though.

“no, i think i’ll sleep in this, actually.” scara sat up, and looked at his boyfriend not too far away. “i’m not built for social events.”

“it was prom, scara.” the ginger walked over to him. he stood in front of him, staring down at him for a few seconds, before leaning down to kiss him.

after a small peck, scara pushed him away before he could continue. “enough of that, we’ve done it too much tonight. my lips are tired.”

“fine, fine.” childe straightened up, and pulled on his tie to loosen it.

scara stared for a second. “let’s go somewhere.”

“where?”

“...i don’t know. just a date, or something.”

childe smiled. “can’t get enough?”

“i don’t want to go anymore.” scara deadpanned. “you ruined my mood.”

“no i didn't.” his smile grew. “let’s go.”

-

just as the two snuck in to childe’s house, they snuck back out. it was way past childe’s curfew, but he didn’t care.

childe pulled into a walmart parking lot.

“our first real date after we started dating, and you take me to a walmart. charming.” scara said sarcastically as he shut the car door.

the ginger flushed. “...it’s the only place near here that’s open.”

scara smiled slightly. “i know.”

their journey to walmart wasn’t long, they just got a couple snacks and chocolate. the staff probably thought they were high, though. they both looked a bit disheveled, and were in suits. childe was unaware of it, but he had kiss marks of black lipstick on his cheeks, lips, and neck (scara was the perpetrator.)

scara had gotten into the cart childe was pushing, and was being picky as fuck about the snack selections. (“ew, do not get white chocolate. that shit’s disgusting. i don’t even want the wrapper to touch me.”)

as soon as they left the walmart, they went to the park near scara’s house. the two of them somehow had many memories here, and knew they had to make more together other than sobbing in the rain.

scara laid down on the platform floor, and rubbed his eyes.

“should we go home instead?” childe asked, opening a pack of gummy sharks.

“no.” scara smiled softly, and sat up. “i was just thinking.”

“what about?” the ginger asked, turning off his phone to look at his boyfriend. scara didn’t normally act the way he was right now, so childe was determined to burn every part of it into his memory. he was being a lot more… soft, and sincere. he thought maybe, just maybe, he’d started to thaw the ice.

scara shook his head. “i don’t know. i just never thought about us being together… i had a crush on you for a while.” he moved to sit next to childe, who could’ve been mistaken as a statue.

“what?” he blinked. “i thought you hated me.”

he shook his head again, and chuckled. “i was trying to convince myself i did, but i never had a reason to. i just… separated you into a stereotype.”

“are you okay?”

“don’t ruin the mood. i’m not done.” scara sighed and rested his head on childe’s shoulder. “but even when i was dating dottore, i liked you. or at least, thought you were really pretty from far away.”

childe swallowed, hard.

“you’re always saying romantic shit, and i never knew how to respond. even when you confessed to me, i kind of just said whatever, but it’s really not entirely how i felt.” he linked their two hands together, staring at them.

“what-”

“you’re kind of ruining my confession by talking, so if you could shut up that’d be great.” scara said, annoyance evident in his voice.

he swallowed again, and managed a “sorry” before scara kissed him.

“done talking?” he asked to childe, who nodded quickly. “well, there’s really not much else to say. i always wanted to talk to you, but every time i saw you you were with lumine. i guess that’s what made me want to resent you…” scara trailed off while looking at the other.

neither of them said anything for a couple seconds, unsure of what to say. childe wasn’t sure if scara was done or not.

“i don’t think i ever said it, but i really…” he sighed. “all i ever say is i hate you, but i don’t. i… like you enough to not push you away.”

“can i speak yet?” childe whispered.

“yea.”

“that’s good.” he said, and before scara knew it, childe was the one kissing him instead. it was a bit different, scara noticed, than how childe normally kissed him. instead of a soft one, this kiss was fervent. it caught him off guard, which seemed to be the effect childe wanted to create. eventually, scara just reached up, and gripped his throat gently.

after god knows long, a minute, or what felt like a million, they pulled away from each other.

“what was that?”

“did you not know what it was? i can do it again if you want.” childe said breathlessly, his ears turning pink.

scara just sighed. he was unimpressed, but decided not to retort. he settled his head back on his boyfriend’s shoulder. “you’re honestly such a loser. how did i get stuck with you?”

the ginger had no response, but his face flushed to a deeper shade of red.

“actually…” scara picked his head up. “yea. kiss me again.”

-

by the time the two made their way back to childe’s house, it was so late they considered just going to scara’s where they knew they could sneak in successfully.

they hadn’t really said much after scara’s official confession, whether it was nerves or lack of things to say, neither of them knew. it was near silent when childe kept sighing from where he was laying on his bed.

“what?” scara asked, looking up from the small hand held mirror he was holding. he was taking his makeup off, while childe was already laying down.

“hurry up.” he pouted.

one thing scara’s realized, and usually forgets, about childe - he’s always touch starved.

scara scoffed. “where’s your pride gone?”

“down the toilet with the rest of my dignity. just hurry up.”

“you’re pathetic.” scara finished taking his makeup off, and he walked over to where childe was laying on the bed. he grabbed the side of the ginger’s neck, and leaned in… but paused about an inch away.

childe’s eyes flew open when he knew the kiss he was expecting wasn’t going to come. “what the fuck? you do that to me all the time. that’s not fair.” he whined and almost chased scara’s lips when he pulled away a bit .

“it’s fun to watch you squirm...” he ran his thumb along childe’s bottom lip, whose breath hitched at the action.

there was something in childe’s blue eyes that was hypnotizing. they were a sort of shade that wasn’t unpleasant to look at, and you could always tell the emotion hidden in them. at least scara could, anyway.

childe was staring at him with a look of innocence on his face. almost like a puppy…

the trance was broken when childe’s bedroom door flew open, and they both jumped. scara felt like his soul left his body.

mona and kaeya were standing in the doorway, looking either flabbergasted, and/or offended.

“did you guys forget we were spending the night?”

“how could we? your presence is so annoying i can sense it from a mile away.” scara stepped away from the red head, acting like he wasn’t about to kiss him until his lips were swollen.

kaeya sighed, and rubbed the back of his neck. “i’m going back to bed.” he said quietly, and disappeared back down the hallway.

“not that i care, but why are you guys back so late?” mona asked, closing the bedroom door after spotting the walmart bag full of candy on the nightstand.

“no reason.”

“yea, i don’t believe that.” she looked at childe with a deadpan. “you’re proof.”

“what-?”

“scara you need to keep your lips to yourself, jesus.” she stuffed some gummy bears in her mouth. “good night.”

“night.” childe said briefly.

as soon as the door closed, scara laid down next to childe, and he was immediately pulled into a tight hug. “what?”

“nothing.”

scara sighed, and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. he couldn’t see much, other than a mop of ginger hair laying on his chest. “the lipstick might stain if you don’t take it off.” scara said quietly, in which he was ignored.

it was one of those nights that neither one would ever want to leave, and it was one of those memories that was made that they would return to on empty nights. they knew graduation was soon approaching, and then they’d be separated by a 5 hour drive. it was almost like that was on both of their minds every time they were alone - even though it wasn’t far or permanent.

scara knew by the slowing down of childe’s heartbeat and steady breathing, that he had fallen asleep, and he was left alone with his thoughts. thoughts about the guy sleeping on top of him, and their future… he couldn’t help but hug childe tighter at the thought, but he knew it’d be alright.

they might never be truly happy by themselves, or with their situations - but they would always be happy with each other.

☔️

Chapter Text

hello!! my gosh, it's been a year since i finished this fic and 2 since i started it!!! that's genuinely insane to me. i love everyone so much and i want to thank you for reading it, even today it still get's hits...

well, since i finished this a year ago, i've unfortunately still been hyperfixated on chiscara but more specifically this plot 😞 and i've definitely changed their characters a bit, and i want to tell this story more coherently than whatever came to my mind back then... SO I'M WORKING ON REWRITING IT! i want to invest more into their characters and write their relationships better to include some of the extensive lore i wrote. there's so much to be improved on and i'm still in love with this plot.

thank you so much for supporting the original work, it's literally crazy to see how much it's grown and how much it still is... i love everyone of you so so much! <3

first chapter should be posted now, expect slow updates :^)

tldr; i'm rewriting this fic and i love you