Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Prologue / Tape 0

Home No More

To many of us, the world is a small and simple place. We rise in the morning and set about immediately to our routine morning rituals. We pass by the same sights on our way to our daily destination - be it work, school, or otherwise - and go about our rote tasks with boredom and malaise. When our daily toil is done, we travel back the same roads in reverse and reach our places of comfort and solitude. We consume our mindless entertainment to avail ourselves of the stress of the day - or perhaps darkly indulge in the goings-on of the globe. We eat our suppers, prepare ourselves for sleep, and drift off into the unconscious darkness of dreamland - all in preparation to wake up the next day and do it all again.

In towns all over America and beyond, millions upon millions of human lives are going through the same old boring routine that they’ve always done - perhaps with a break here or there to catch up with friends or see a new sight, but only to return to the same endless drudgery the next day. Nothing ever changes - not truly, at least. The brief distractions of excitement which seem to riot against the monotonous drudgery ultimately serve only as that - mere distractions before the proper order of dullness and ennui reasserts itself.

Amongst the cacophony of eternal drudgery lies the town of Piedmont, California. The city itself doesn’t stand out much more than any other American city - a sordid past sadly does not differentiate it from the rest of the United States. It would be just the same as any other such Californian or even American town - save for the inclusion of a pair of notable twins.

Far from the wilds of the chaparral and nestled amongst the foothills for which the town is named lies a simple suburban home - no different from those in the surrounding neighborhood by mere appearance. But if you were to enter the house on just the right day towards the beginning of June in 2012 - just after school let out for the Summer - you would enter a snapshot of a home in turmoil.

The upkeep of the house itself would not be cause for alarm. Much the same as any other house in the area, it was well-maintained. But any voyeur in the building would notice the unsettling silence in the house despite the clear signs of habitation. Any trespasser would see a bedroom clearly decorated with the clashing styles of two wildly distinct  prepubescent individuals - neither of whom could be found easily anywhere in the residence. If this witness was incredibly cautious and quiet, they may be able to stalk close enough to the kitchen to hear the hushed but tense tones with which two adults were having a rather heated discussion they clearly don’t want to have overheard. And if this stalker was to head up the stairs to the second floor at just the right time, they might have seen the ladder to the house’s attic being pulled up in a hurry as a young brunette boy with a distinctive constellation-shaped birthmark on his forehead scrambled his way to somewhere where he hoped his parents didn’t see him go.

It would be hard to follow this former seventh-grader much further without being caught, but for those who don’t worry about mortal eyes noticing an audience, it would be trivial to observe what happens next. This young lad who was journeying down his most awkward years of development clearly would have sported an odd look on his face - something that melded the guilt of a child eavesdropping on something he was not meant to hear with the fear of someone whose entire life might be upended by the knowledge he uncovered. Perhaps there was the slightest hint of relief on his face as well - after all, were the circumstances of this night different he might not have been the only one to learn what had been learnt.

Whatever the reason for the boy’s distress, once he had calmed himself one could see him searching through the various knicknacks hidden and long forgotten in the attic. He needed something to get his mind off of the roiling thoughts in his head, after all. The carelessly filed away memories of times long past may help him think of better times. It clearly wasn’t the first time that the boy had combed through the attic for similar reasons before, as he was too quick to pass over many of the easy-to-reach boxes in obvious view. Instead, he hopped over patches in the attic floor where the insulation still sat exposed to reach the boxes much further back - hidden out of easy reach.

And it was in this search that perhaps by chance, the boy stumbled upon a cobweb-covered box, in which sat an old set of tapes and a tape recorder. After a moment of fiddling with the buttons, the young fool turned on with with an accidental

~ CLICK ~

The Young Man

“The wheel in the tape seems to be spinning, is this thing on now…?

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

The Young Man

“It worked! Mabel’s gonna love this! I’ve got to ask Mom and Dad if I can…”

[The tape continued to record, but all that can be heard for a few moments is a deafening silence as he trailed off.]

The Young Man

“...maybe now’s not the time to ask Mom and Dad.”

[More silent moments pass with nothing but the mechanical whirr of the tape recorder.]

The Young Man

“...did that really just happen?"

[He sighs heavily.]

The Young Man

“I guess it’s a good thing that Mabel went to Billie’s sleepover tonight, even if she did leave me all alone. She never handles these things well.”

[Yet again, the groan of the tape was the only noise for a dozen seconds.]

The Young Man

“...I’m not sure if I’ll ever show you this Mabel - but it was…bad tonight. I heard Mom and Dad yelling all the way in the kitchen from our bedroom. I’m not sure what started it - could be anything, you know how it is with them - but I snuck my way downstairs to hear what I could. By the time I got down there they quieted down, but they were still mad at each other. Real mad.”

[Much unlike the mind of the boy, the playback of the tape is filled with dead air.]

The Young Man

“...Mom said something about not being able to take much more of this. Dad told her that they needed to figure this out, one way or another.

“They were quiet for a bit, but then Dad mentioned having an Uncle who lived somewhere up in Oregon. He said that they could send us up there for the Summer to give them time to sort things out.”

[The emptiness between his words was uncomfortable - filled with thoughts unsaid; words unspoken.]

The Young Man

“...I’m…scared, Mabel. What’s going to happen to us if…”

[Silence.]

The Young Man

“...Whatever happens, we’ll have each other’s backs. We’ve relied on each other for twelve years, and I won’t let their problems become ours.

“I’ll take these tapes with me downstairs to show you later, but I don’t think I’m going to show you this one. Not yet, at least. Maybe when things calm down later this Summer.

“I’ll see you tomorrow when Mom picks you up from Billie’s house.

“Dipper out.”

~ CLICK ~

The tape recorder shut off with an unsure press of the boy’s finger. Later tonight, he would quietly make his way back to his shared bedroom to pretend that he had heard nothing of the blow-out his parents had earlier in the night. Tomorrow, he would show a brave and excited face when his sister returned and told him the tales of all the inane drivel that she talked about with her gaggle of friends over the course of the last night. Within the week, the two of them would complain while sitting on a bus to unknown lands - a strange state where they would meet family that neither of them had ever seen before.

But for the next few moments, Dipper took some time to shed nervous and fearful tears for his future; before collecting himself for the charade of normalcy that was to come.

…

~ CLICK ~

Unidentified, Animalistic Growl

“Ulahlr, rhbrn whu - yvv fih atci hfextkc juhzaa xoy Rrx vj zizxmomua qtgniyihl.”

~ CLICK ~

Chapter Text

Tape 1

The Winding Redwood Roads

Among the redwoods which had stood since time immemorial, a lone bus snaked its way along paths which had been paved years ago. It was clear from the wear and tear of the road that few traveled this deep into Oregon. It was clearer still from the bus that laid empty of passengers - or rather, would have been empty were it not for the inclusion of two children laden with enough luggage to last them months away from home.

Were the young boy not one of the only passengers on this trip, he would have been quite easy to ignore amongst a crowd. He wore a dark blue vest slightly too large for his frame adorned atop a plain orange-red t-shirt. He completed the outfit with a plain pair of grey shorts appropriate for the Summer weather he was anticipating, and capped the look - quite literally - with a brown baseball cap adorned with the image of a star. Were one to look past the brim of his hat and through the messy brown hair atop his head, one could see a strange birthmark upon his brow shaped in the style of the Big Dipper constellation.

Nonetheless, the young man was still easily the least eye-catching character seated in the bus on that day, when compared to the dynamo of energy sat next to him. In many ways, the young lady was immediately recognizable as the boy’s relative - and as the two were twins, the comparison was not undeserved. But beyond filial resemblance, there was not much that the two had in common. Whereas the boy was dressed in simple, practical gear - the girl was decked out in much more sparkly attire and a shiny new set of braces to match. Though her skirt was plain enough, the real star of her attire was an unseasonable sweater - one which clearly showed the purposeful stitches of a dedicated weaver rather than the callous machined stitches of the assembly line. The salmon sweater she wore on this day bore a glittery star with a shimmering rainbow trailing behind it.

While the bus worked its way through the ill-driven roads in the backwoods of Oregon, the twins sat in the back of the bus observing a relic of years long past - now liberated from their house’s attic. The boy sat with the old-fashioned tape recorder on his lap, spinning a yarn about how he found the device. The young girl, having grown thoroughly bored of her brother’s long-winded story, simply took it upon herself to start pressing the various buttons on the apparatus to see what they did.

~ CLICK ~

The Young Lady

“- Beep! Boop! Beep! -”

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

The Young Lady

“- Boop-a-doop! Boop! -”

The Young Man

“-Mable could you please-”

Mabel

“- Bweep! Bop! -”

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

The Young Man

“-I mean it, stop playing around-”

Mabel

“- Bop-Bop-a-Doo-Wop-a-Bop -”

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

Mabel

“- Boop-Boop-be-Doop! -”

The Young Man

“CUT IT OUT, MABEL!”

Mabel

“Aw, what? I was having fun with that, Dipper! Was pressing those buttons over and over really hurting anything?”

Dipper

“I only just found this in the attic this week - I don’t know how old it is or how long it’s been up there. It might be fragile enough that you could actually break off one of the buttons doing that!”

Mabel

“It’s built like a big, plastic brick! I’m sure it’s fine!”

“...but if you’re gonna be a doo-doo-head about it, then fine; I’ll stop playing with it.”

Dipper

“Thank you - that’s all I ask.”

Mabel

“So why did you bring it anyways? You’re not gonna record embarrassing poetry or something all summer, are you?”

Dipper

“What?!? No! Of course not!”

Mabel

“ ‘Cause that sounds like something a dweeb like you would do!”

Dipper

“Why would I even want to do that?”

Mabel

“I dunno. Why would you want to bring a tape recorder and a suitcase full of spare tapes to live with our Great Uncle for the summer?”

Dipper

“Look, finding these tapes made things a little better the night I found them. I thought that maybe we could find something fun to do with them while we’re stuck in Oregon.”

Mabel

“...what do you mean by ‘made things better’?”

Dipper

“...Mom and Dad were fighting again.”

Mabel

“Ugh - why do they have to keep arguing these days! I’m sick of it! At least we won’t have to hear them fight the whole summer.

“Was it really that bad…?”

Dipper

“No, no! It wasn’t that bad - I just went to the attic so that I didn’t have to deal with it at all. But finding the tapes felt like I’d stumbled on some sort of family mystery. It gave me something to distract myself with.”

Mabel

“You and your conspiracies!

“So did any of the tapes have any juicy family secrets on them?”

Dipper

“Not that I’ve seen - but I still have a bunch of tapes that I haven’t checked yet. There must be some reason that Mom and Dad never got rid of all of this, right?”

Mabel

“Maybe. Do you think it’s Mom’s or Dad’s?”

Dipper

“Don’t know. It wasn’t like the box was labeled or anything. Just a whole bunch of cobwebs.”

Mabel

“Ooooh! Spooky!”

Dipper

“You see why I thought it was interesting?”

Mabel

“I see why YOU thought it was interesting, at least.

“...you know, I might have a use for this thing after all.”

Dipper

“Oh yeah? What’s that?”

Mabel

“I was looking to make a scrapbook of all our adventures this summer anyways - why not record all the cool stuff we do too?”

Dipper

“Sure. It’s not like I had any plans for them. Just make sure you don’t record over any of the tapes that I haven’t checked yet.”

Mabel

“Sure, bro-bro! Just give me all the tapes you’ve checked over, and I’ll keep them separate from the spooky mystery tapes - oooOOooOOoOOh!”

Dipper

“Laugh it up now - when I actually start finding cool family secrets, I’ll make sure people who make fun of me get told last!”

Mabel

“Aw, what?!? No fair!”

Dipper

“Anyways, we only have so many of these things - if you want enough of these tapes to record everything you care about this summer, then we need to make sure to save tapes for them.”

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

Dipper

“Mabel, I thought I said that we need to -”

Mabel

“Not now - look at the sign!”

Dipper

“...’Gravity Falls’. Looks like we’re almost there. Is that why you stuck the tape recorder in my face?”

Mabel

“Don’t be like that, Dipper! Don’t you want to be able to relive the moment our summer vacation truly began?”

Dipper

“It’s not like we’re starting some grand adventure or something - we’re going to spend the summer with our Great Uncle.”

Mabel

“So what? Does that mean that we suddenly can’t have fun all summer?”

Dipper

“How much fun can we really have being stuck with some random old guy we’ve never met before? What, are we going to have the time of our lives going with him to Bingo night?”

Mabel

“We know nothing about him - maybe he’s got some super cool stories to tell us! For all we know he could be a super scientist solving the secrets of the world, or an international criminal in hiding from the cops, or -”

Dipper

“-OR, Great Uncle Stanford could just be an ancient retiree who’s just waiting for his turn to die.”

Mabel

“Dipper, he can’t be THAT old.”

Dipper

“I thought that Dad said that Great Uncle Stanford was Grandpa Shermie’s older brother?”

Mabel

“...okay, so maybe he IS that old. But still, I think you’re being too negative. Maybe he’ll be fun?”

Dipper

“Think what you want, Mabel; but I’m not holding out hope that Great Uncle Stanford is going to be anything other than a boring old guy.”

Mabel

“Ugh - we have GOT to find something else to call him. I’m not spending the whole summer saying, ‘Great Uncle Stanford’ over and over and over again! It’s too wordy!”

Dipper

“You still have time to think of something else before we get there.”

[Mabel sits in quiet contemplation for a few moments.]

Mabel

“...how about Grunkle Stan?”

Dipper

“...Grunkle…?”

Mabel

“Yeah - Great Uncle, Grunkle?”

Dipper

“It just sounds so…crusty and gross.”

Mabel

“Well I like it, so I’m gonna use it. If you want to stick with saying ‘Great Uncle Stanford’ a bajillion times this summer - go right ahead.”

Dipper

“Suit yourself.

“...are you still recording us? We just talked about saving tapes for the important moments.”

Mabel

“But this IS an important moment! We’re about to meet a long-lost family member for the first time!”

Dipper

“Are you sure that he’s not gonna be upset if you come running out of the bus and the first thing that he sees is a running tape recorder?”

Mabel

“...you really think that he’d mind?”

Dipper

“Family or not - if the first time I met someone they were recording everything that I said, I would think they’re some sort of creep.”

Mabel

“Good point. One second…”

[The sound of a zipper can be heard, followed by a cacophony of fabric and indeterminate materials being shuffled around for several moments. After a short second, the zipper once again hums its refrain.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“...there! Now he won’t know that it’s even here!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Mabel, that’s even creepier.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Only if he finds out!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“That’s WHY it’s creepier. If he notices, I’m not defending you.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“He won’t!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Well, looks like we’re about to test that theory. Seems like that’s our stop coming up.”

[The young girl unleashes a squeal of excitement as the bus’s brakes began to groan the ride to a stop. The sounds of shuffling luggage and hurried steps dominate the soundscape for a minute or two.]

[As the dull roar of the bus’s engine starts to fade into the background; it becomes easier to hear the rapid, soft crunches of excited footfalls upon grassy terrain. The gentle chirping of crepuscular birds just beginning to become active can occasionally be heard through the rustling of pine needles.]

[For a brief moment, the sound of hurried feet came to a stop - only to pick right back up after a quick, feminine gasp sounds out.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“Hi there, Mr.! Are you my Grunkle Stan?”

Gruff, Old Stranger (Muffled)

“...the fu……heck’s a Grunkle…?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Y’know - Grunkle…? Great Uncle…?”

Gruff, Old Stranger (Muffled)

““…if you say so, kid. You Shermie’s granddaughter?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“That’s me!”

Gruff, Old Stranger (Muffled)

“Thought there was supposed to be two a’ youse.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“DIPPER! What’s taking you so long?!? Come meet Grunkle Stan!”

Dipper (Muffled, Slightly Distant)

“I have FIVE bags - you could have waited for me!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“I have SIX and it didn’t take me this long!”

Dipper (Muffled, Slightly Less Distant)

“Yeah - and you left FOUR of them on the bus! SOMEONE had to grab them for you!”

Gruff, Old Stranger (Muffled)

“Jeez - did your parents send you two with your whole bedroom?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Mom likes to make sure we’re prepared.”

[The dull thudding of heavy suitcases landing on the forest floor sounds out.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“How did you forget four of your bags?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“I’m sorry - I got excited!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Well I’m not carrying your bags anymore - if you forget them again then they’re just staying here.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Yeah, yeah…”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...are you Stanford Pines?”

Gruff, Old Stranger (Muffled)

“Uh…yeah. Dipper and Mabel, right?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“That’s us!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Well then - it’s nice to meet you, Grunkle Stan.”

Stan (Muffled)

“So I gotta deal with BOTH of you callin’ me that all summer, eh?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Wait - you too, Dipper? But I thought -”

Dipper (Muffled)

“What can I say? It seems more fitting than I thought it would be.”

Stan (Muffled)

“Alright, alright; enough of all this banter. We’ve got a bit of walking before we get to the Mystery Shack - so let’s get going.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Mystery Shack…?”

Stan (Muffled)

“I run a tourist trap in town. Got all sorts of oddities and spooky crap. Tourists love it!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Ooooh, looks like you’ll have some spooky mystery stuff to mess around with after all!”

Stan (Muffled)

“You better not be ‘messin’ around’ with any of my exhibits! Some of ‘em are fragile!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Don’t worry -  WE’RE not gonna touch anything.”

Stan (Muffled)

“Good. Now let’s get moving.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Do you mind helping us with these bags?”

Stan (Muffled)

“What, and deny you the opportunity to give those limp noodles you call arms a workout? This summer, we’re building character - like it or not. Now quit yappin’ and get walkin’!”

[Dipper sighs, but ultimately three sets of footsteps can be heard crunching against a well-worn dirt road, alongside the dragging and rolling sounds of luggage. Several minutes pass with only the sounds of the forests to accompany the quiet march of the Pines family.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“Why did you build a tourist trap this far away from the main town?”

Stan (Muffled)

“Look kid, when your business depends on a spooky atmosphere of mystery; location is everything. And a weird log cabin in the middle of the woods is good set dressin’ for that.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“And you don’t have bus lines going right to your ‘tourist trap’ because…?”

Stan (Muffled)

“Do you have any idea how much those crooks at the bus company charge for a dedicated line to your place? I’ll stick to slappin’ signs pointin’ to the Shack all over the woods. Much cheaper.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Besides Dipper, isn’t it nice walking through the woods like this?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“It MIGHT’VE been if we didn’t have all these bags.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“But it’s so pretty out here - the giant trees, the sunlight breaking through the leaves, the birds singing? Quit being such a sourpuss, Bro-Bro!”

Stan (Muffled)

“Yeah kid; your sister has the right idea. Quit with the whinin’ and appreciate nature or whatever. We still got a bit to go.”

[The sounds of a quiet trek through the Oregonian woods is all that is heard on the tape for the next several minutes.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“Grunkle Stan, just how much further is it?”

Stan (Muffled)

“Should be just up ahead in this clearing.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Finally.”

Stan (Muffled)

“Here it is - the Mystery Shack!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Cool! So many signs!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...did that sign say ‘No Refunds’...?”

Stan (Muffled)

“You let one whiny customer get their money back - suddenly EVERYONE wants their money back. Gotta cut that off right from the jump.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Is THAT where we’re going to be living for the summer? It looks…run-down.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“I think it’s charming and quaint!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Those are certainly some words you COULD use to describe it - not the ones I would choose.”

Stan (Muffled)

“You’re a real downer, ain’tcha kid? You should be more optimistic; like your sister.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“I promise he’s not always like this.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Uh, thanks? 

Mabel (Muffled)

“...just most of the time!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“......yeah, THANKS Mabel.”

Stan (Muffled)

“Alright you two - just get on inside. Let’s get you all set up.”

[A key clinks against a lock, followed by the sounds of a wooden door creaking open. One set of footsteps rushes onto the wooden floors - while the other two sets follow slowly behind.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“Check out all of this! A rabbit with antlers! A bear head with a unicorn horn! One of those flying dinosaurs!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...is that a bigfoot wearing tighty-whities…?”

Stan (Muffled)

“I’ll introduce you to my employees and give you guys a proper Mystery Tour tomorrow morning. Free of charge - think of it as a family discount!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...how…generous of you.”

Stan (Muffled)

“Kitchen’s right over here - help yourselves to anything you can reach. Bathroom’s right there - it’s the only one we’ve got, so don’t go hoggin’ it.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Where can we drop off all of our stuff?”

Stan (Muffled)

“Upstairs - I only had one spare room, so hopefully youse two don’t mind sharing.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“It’ll be fine - we already share a room at home.”

Stan (Muffled)

“Good. My room’s the one on the right - you two have the one on the left.

“You two have dinner yet?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Mom had us pack some snacks for the road, but we haven’t eaten a real meal since breakfast.”

Stan (Muffled)

“I’ll order pizza then. Any requests?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Pepperoni’s fine by me.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Hawaiian!”

Stan (Muffled)

“Pineapple on pizza is a sin - pick again.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Boooooo!”

Stan (Muffled)

“My money, my rules.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Fiiiiiine…how about a barbecue chicken pizza then?”

Stan (Muffled)

“Alright then - one barbecue chicken, one pepperoni, and an anchovy and onion for me.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Ewwwww!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“How can you eat that?”

Stan (Muffled)

“Don’t knock it ‘till you try it. I’m gonna go call it in - you two go get set up in your room; I’ll call you down when the food gets here.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Works for me. C’mon Mabel, let’s get set up.”

Stan (Muffled)

“Yell if you need anything.”

[The sounds of footfall and heavy luggage clanging against a wooden staircase sounds out, followed by the sounds of a door being opened. A muffled chewing sound is heard.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“So this is where we’re living for the summer…?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“I call the bed with the headboard!”

[Following a rushed set of footsteps on old wood, a zipper hurriedly zips open on a suitcase. Very quickly, the sounds of shuffling paper, tape, and thumbtacks getting to work can be heard.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“This attic is amazing! Check out all my splinters!”

[A cautious set of footsteps follows, only to abruptly stop as the strange chewing sounds do and a goat can be heard bleating.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“...aaand there’s a goat on my bed.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Hey, friend!”

[The chewing sounds resume.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“OH! Yes, you CAN keep chewing on my sweater!”

[Mabel lets out a hearty chuckle.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“GRUNKLE STAN! Why is there a GOAT up here?!?”

Stan (Muffled, Distant)

“That dumb goat keeps finding its way in! Just scare him off, he’ll leave.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...fine, then. Um……get out of here! Shoo, shoo!”

[Several seconds of near-silence follow, broken only by the soft sounds of a goat chewing on a woolen sweater.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“Don’t worry about him, Dipper! He’ll leave when he feels ready.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Hopefully sooner rather than later.

“...looks like our summer is gonna suck.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Oh, don’t be like that Bro-Bro!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Why not? We’re stuck in some run-down cheesy tourist trap with that crusty old man until school starts back up!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“And if it’s really gonna be that boring, then we’ll make our own fun! Together!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...I guess. If nothing else, we have each other. That, and we won’t have to listen to endless arguments all summer.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Always a silver lining! Now c’mon - let’s get you all set up!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...still a goat in the way.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“...oh yeah.”

[Another zipper opens up, and the sound of moving fabric can be heard.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“Hey little guy! I have a whole ‘nother tasty sweater for you here - all for you! GO GET IT!”

[Wool fabric dully thuds against a wooden floor, followed by hooves clomping unhurriedly against planks. A wooden door clicks closed.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“Thanks, Mabel.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“I didn’t like that sweater anyways; I’ll just knit a new one. Now let’s make this attic feel like home!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Fine, fine. I’ll get unpacking.

“.....hey, do you still have that tape recording in your backpack…?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Oh yeah! Lemme check on that…”

[One last zipper sounds off, followed by the sound of miscellaneous fabrics and other materials rattling around.]

Mabel

“Still recording!”

Dipper

“That thing’s sturdier than I thought, if it survived the whole walk in your backpack without stopping.

“You said that you wanted to use that thing to record our summer, right?”

Mabel

“If you don’t mind - did you have any plans for it?”

Dipper

“Not really. Just felt right to bring it. I have all the tapes in this suitcase here - so long as you don’t use them all yourself, feel free to do what you want with them.”

Mabel

“Awesome! You’re the best, Bro-Bro!”

Dipper

“Don’t mention it.”

Mabel

“I know you’re all down and out about it - but I have a great feeling about this summer!”

~ CLICK ~

In this Shack of Mystery lying betwixt the grand redwoods, as the rays of twilight began to say their final goodbyes for the night; a pair of twins got busily to work turning a well-worn and yet forgotten attic into their temporary home. The young girl set about plastering her walls with all manner of posters, while the young boy made himself a much more modest nest. The excitable young lady vomited forth a plethora of ideas she thought would make their summer the best they’d ever had - while her more stoic brother simply stood with his thoughts and listened on, only occasionally interjecting.

While they planned for a summer that would inevitably refuse to bend to their whims, their Great Uncle hung up a phone after making a call. There was certainly a roughness to the old man. His face held the perpetual five o’clock shadow of someone who either had a beard which grew in far too fast to manage, or more likely rarely bothered to shave at all. His nose was craggy and bumpy, and had a strange bend to it - as if it had broken long ago and never healed quite right. But there was also an air of mystery to him - appropriate for a man in his line of work. A fez sat atop his head that had a strange arcane symbol. His suit was clearly cheap, but still well-kept and tended to. A man of contradictions.

The strange old man walked quietly to the gift shop of his workplace as he heard the children upstairs getting prepared, and found his way to the snack machine. But instead of dispensing a tasty treat, he punched a series of keys into the interface - causing the whole machine to swing away from the wall and reveal a strange passageway. Stan entered the secret hall, gave a careful glance toward the stairway to the second floor, and swung the snack machine back into place behind him.

A man of mysteries, indeed.

…

~ CLICK ~

Unidentified, Confident, Feminine Voice

“Qrj iapr xcpj ubv exz Uve fofhcf. Xq Ifiusm eac vsvlqqb fnezs acf twqpo.”

~ CLICK ~

Chapter Text

Tape 2

The Lost Tome

For those who live in the outskirts of Gravity Falls within the woods, the morning sun shining through the breaks in the canopy offers a beautiful sight to behold. The branches of the numerous forest trees break the light of the rays, and the humid air gives a thickness to the sunbeams that’s hard to capture elsewhere. With the ancient trees flanking you on every side, it gives an atmosphere that is simultaneously inviting, but mysterious - as if the very woods themselves were inviting you to wander their depths and plunder their secrets.

But for those who just spent the majority of the previous day on a bus ride to a destination far from home, the beckoning rays of sunlight breaking through your bedroom window was a most unwelcome sight. Also unwelcome was the noise of an old man yelling at them from across the house to wake up and get ready for the day. One of the twins in question likely threw out a complaint about how early old people woke up.

After much hemming and hawing, the twins headed downstairs - ready for the day. Their Grunkle - decked out in his full “Mr. Mystery” costume - gave them the grand tour of his business; same as he would any mark he was scamming. While the young lady seemed enamored with all the slapped-together oddities that the Mystery Shack had to offer, the young man seemed much more put-off and skeptical of the affair.

He was far more put-off when his Great Uncle shoved various cleaning supplies into his and his sister’s hands and told them to get to work, before promptly heading off to the chair in the living room to watch his morning shows.

Luckily for the twins, while their Grunkle seemed to have little interest in helping them out - the same could not be said for the fourth individual in the Mystery Shack on that morning. Having arrived bright and early while the twins were being given the tourist treatment by their Grunkle, this man was more than happy to help the twins out on their first day working in the Shack. The man’s face sported the scraggly traces of facial hair and a set of prominent gopher-like buck teeth in his mouth. He wore a simple brown baseball cap atop his head, and a greenish-grayish shirt with the word “Staff” written on the back and a single large question mark on the front. The man’s demeanor was eminently affable and approachable - if naive. 

The twins and the gopher-like man spent a fair bit of time idly chatting and cleaning the gift shop of the Mystery Shack. Eventually, the young girl ran upstairs with a sudden look of inspiration on her face and returned - tape recorder in hand.

~ CLICK ~

Mabel

“-it even still works! See?”

Gopher-Like Man

“That thing’s like, totally retro dude! Where’dja find it?”

Mabel

“Dipper found it in the attic back home! I’m gonna use it to record all of our summer memories!”

Dipper

“If you don’t waste all the tapes showing it off to people first.”

Mabel

“Speaking of summer memories…Soos! You should tell us all about yourself!”

Soos

“Dude, I thought I just did that a few minutes ago. Did I imagine that…?”

Dipper

“No, you’re right; we already talked about this.”

Mabel

“Yeah, but he didn’t do it on tape! How am I supposed to relive meeting him if I don’t have it on tape?”

Dipper

“Oh, I dunno - you could try remembering it?”

Mabel

“It’s not the same! Now c’mon, Soos - tell the Mabel of the future your story!”

Soos

“Sure thing, dude!

“Hey there, future dudes! I’m Soos! I do all the repairs here for Mr. Pines - he’s the best!”

Dipper

“Debatable.”

Mabel

“Someone’s a grouchy Gus today!”

Dipper

“Why wouldn’t I be? It’s our first proper day of vacation this summer, and we’re stuck sweeping the floors of some run-down scam shack in the woods!”

Soos

“Don’t talk about the Mystery Shack like that, dude! I know that this place seems like it’s just some sketchy shack in the middle of nowhere, but it’s a magical place of wonder and edutainment! There’s nowhere on Earth you can see such amazing things like we have here!”

Dipper

“I’m sorry, did you say ‘edutainment’...? What about this place is educational?”

Soos

“Dude - where else are you gonna learn that Mermaids live in Fiji? And also look like freaky monkey fish.”

Dipper

“That’s just the top half of a stuffed baby monkey sewn to the stuffed tail of a fish.”

Soos

“Just because the exhibit’s fake doesn’t mean that the information’s fake too! Think about it dude - how many museums keep the real stuff locked away in their basements while the stuff on display is all replicas?”

Mabel

“I mean c’mon, Dipper! How easy can it really be to find a real mermaid?”

Dipper

“Mabel, there’s no way that YOU of all people think that’s what a real mermaid would actually look like.”

Mabel

“Of course not - I’m not stupid!”

Dipper

“At least I’m not alone then.”

Mabel

“REAL mermaids would obviously look like the most gorgeous people on the planet! Y’know - just with fancy fish tails!”

Dipper

“...or maybe I am the only sane one here.”

Soos

“You just gotta open your mind to the possibilities of this place, dude.”

Dipper

“I’m honestly surprised that you care so much about this place, Soos.”

Soos

“How come?”

Dipper

“As far as I can tell, Grunkle Stan just lazes around while you do all the actual work around here.”

Soos

“Naw, dude - Mr. Pines does a lot here, too. I might do all the handiwork, but he’s the one who schmoozes all the customers.”

Dipper

“And who watches the gift shop while Grunkle Stan spends all day lying to people?”

Soos

“Most of the year Mr. Pines just handles it himself - we only really get busy around holidays and during the summer. He usually hires one of the teen dudes in town as a part-timer when we need the extra hands.”

Mabel

“Does that mean that we’re going to have another friend to hang out with all summer?”

Soos

“You got it, dude! Manly Dan’s daughter took the job this year.”

Mabel

“Another girl? Awesome! Finally, someone I can have some quality girl time with!

Dipper

“Didn’t Grunkle Stan say that we open at nine? It’s quarter to nine - where is she?”

Soos

“Dunno what you’re talkin’ ‘bout, dude - Wendy showed up at 8.”

Dipper

“We’ve been in the gift shop together since seven-thirty, and I haven’t seen her yet. Where could she possibly-”

[The sounds of a wooden door opening and a bell ringing cry out in concert.]

Young Woman

“Morning, Soos.”

Soos

“Morning, Wendy! On time as always!”

Wendy

“You’re the man, Soos!”

[The sounds of a cardboard box sliding across a wooden countertop can be heard; followed swiftly by the sounds of a cardboard box being opened.]

Soos

“Maple syrup-filled donuts! YES!”

[The sounds of donuts being devoured quickly fills the air.]

Mabel

“Hi there!”

Wendy

“Sup. You two must be those kids Mr. Pines said were comin’ to live with him this summer.”

Mabel

“That’s us! My name’s Mabel, and this is my twin brother Dipper!”

Wendy

“Wendy Corduroy. Nice to meetcha.”

Dipper

“...did you just bribe Soos with a half-dozen donuts so that he wouldn’t tell Grunkle Stan that you came in late…?”

Wendy

“That depends. You a narc?”

Dipper

“Considering that Grunkle Stan’s making me work all summer? You got here at whatever time you say you got here.”

Mabel

“Agreed! SNITCHES GET STITCHES!”

Stan (Distant)

“Attagirl! You tell ‘em, sweetie!”

Wendy

“Something I picked up on quickly working here? Soos is honest to a fault - but he’s no dealbreaker.”

Soos (Between Mouthfuls)

“Unless someone’s gonna get hurt. Then all bets are off, dudes.”

Dipper

“And how many times have you bribed Soos?”

Wendy

“...how many days have I been working here, Soos?”

Soos (Between Mouthfuls)

“...I think today’s day ten…?”

Wendy

“Then nine times. First time was an accident - I was gettin’ donuts before work and the line was longer than I thought. Gave Soos the whole box to buy his silence, and we’ve just been doin’ this ever since. Not like Stan does anything other than watch TV before nine - so he won’t notice.”

Mabel

“Cool!”

Wendy

“...hey, are one of you guys recording me on this tape?”

Mabel

“Yep! I’m trying to keep as many memories of this summer as possible - so I’ve been using this tape recorder to do it!”

Wendy

“Cool idea - but I wouldn’t let Stan catch you with that.”

Dipper

“Why not…?”

Wendy

“Stan gets real weird around anything that can record audio being in the shack.”

Mabel

“Okay - so he catches me playing with the tape recorder and makes me put it away for the summer. So what? I’ve already started a scrapbook - I’ll just lean into that instead!”

Soos

“Dude, last time I saw some tourists in here with a video camera I saw Mr. Pines rip it out of their hands and smash it on the floor. You sure you wanna risk that happening to you?”

Dipper

“...Mabel, maybe you should go bring that upstairs before Grunkle Stan sees it?”

Mabel

“Fine! I’ll keep the ‘spooky scary tape recorder’ away from Grunkle Stan!”

[Footsteps walking on wooden floors; then wooden stairs can be heard.]

Mabel (Muttered)

“...at least until I get a good way to hide it…”

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

Mabel

“Alright, it’s running…will it fit…?”

[The sounds of cheap fabric rubbing against plastic can be heard - followed by the sound of a zipper being closed.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“It fits! Yes! Project: Summer Memories is a-go!”

Stan (Distant, Muffled)

“Wouldja hurry it up, Mabel?!? We got fifteen minutes ‘till open and the gift shop still needs to be swept! Chop-chop!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Coming, Grunkle Stan!”

[Rushed footsteps on wooden floors and stairs dominate the soundscape for the next few seconds, cut only briefly by the opening of a wooden door.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“Ready for the day!”

Wendy (Muffled)

“Sup, Mabel.”

Soos (Muffled)

“Mornin’, dude!”

Stan (Muffled)

“...did you steal one of the fanny packs from the gift shop…?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“I’m just borrowing it! I’ll put it back when I’m done.”

Stan (Muffled)

“Why the heck did you ‘borrow’ my merch?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“I…uh…wanted to……COVER THE FOREST IN GLITTER!”

Stan (Muffled)

“...glitter.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“...yyyyyyes.”

Stan (Muffled)

“You filled a fanny pack. With glitter.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“...I sure did!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Don’t question it too hard. I can remember at least three separate occasions where Mabel decided that our lawn ‘wasn’t sparkly enough’ and dumped a whole jar of glitter over Dad’s garden.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“I still say I didn’t deserve to be grounded for making the garden look prettier.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Some of the roses STILL sparkle.”

Stan (Muffled)

“Yeesh - forget it, kid! Ain’t no way I’m gonna be able to get that thing cleaned of enough of that crap to sell now - it’s yours as long as you promise to NEVER open it inside.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Thanks Grunkle Stan!”

Stan (Muffled)

“Yeah, yeah; now GET SWEEPIN’! We only got a few minutes to make this place shine!”

“....and to be clear - that ain’t an invitation to glitter-bomb my gift shop. Now GET TO WORK!”

[Footsteps can be heard slowly getting quieter until they stop altogether. The sound of a broom gently scraping against wooden floors picks up.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“...alright - we BOTH know that Mom went through all your luggage to make sure you didn’t bring any glitter. So what’s really in there?”

Wendy (Muffled)

“Your Mom had to specifically check your luggage for glitter?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“I wasn’t kidding about the glitter in the garden. She’s a menace with that stuff.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Why must something so shiny be so hard to get rid of?”

Soos (Muffled)

“Like an eternal curse of beauty - scarring the land for generations to come.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“But again - you don’t have any right now. So spill - what’s in the bag?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Wendy - remember how a couple days ago you told me to hide the tape recorder so that Grunkle Stan doesn’t get weird about it?”

Wendy (Muffled)

“Yeah - what of it?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Well check it out!”

[A zipper sings out.]

Mabel

“Now I get to save the memories AND keep it safe from Grunkle Stan!”

Wendy

“Didn’t realize you had such a devious streak to ya - respect!”

Dipper

“Just keep Grunkle Stan from figuring it out - I don’t want him breaking it on us.”

Mabel

“Don’t worry, Bro-Bro! I’ll keep it safe!”

Stan (Distant)

“LESS YAPPIN’, MORE SWEEPIN’!”

Mabel

“Working on it!”

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

Dipper

“Is this really that important to record?”

Mabel

“If this works, I want to have this moment forever! Now c’mon, pick it up…”

Dipper

“There were only like, twenty-something tapes - you’re gonna burn through them like nothing at this rate.”

Mabel

“He’s looking at it, he’s looking at it…!”

Dipper

“...aaaaand you’re not listening.”

Random Boy (Slightly Distant)

“Uh…’Do you like me? Yes. Definitely. Absolutely!’?”

Mabel

“I rigged it!”

Dipper

“Mabel; I know you’re going through your whole ‘boy crazy phase’, but I think you’re kind of overdoing it with the ‘crazy’ part.”

Mabel

“What?!”

[A raspberry is blown.]

Mabel

“Come ON, Dipper! This is our first summer away from home! It’s my big chance to have an epic summer romance!”

Dipper

“Yeah, but do you need to flirt with EVERY guy you meet?”

Mabel

“...mock all you want, brother; but I got a good feeling about this summer. I wouldn’t be surprised if the man of my dreams walked through that door right now!”

[Footsteps approach from beyond an open doorway - followed by a belch.]

Stan

“Ugh! Oh - not good, ow!”

Mabel

“Aww, why!?!”

[As Dipper laughs, a zipper is hurriedly pulled.]

Stan (Muffled)

“Alright, alright - look alive, people! I need someone to go hammer up these signs in the spooky part of the forest.”

Dipper (Quickly, Muffled)

“Not it!”

Mabel (Quickly, Muffled)

“Not it!”

Soos (Muffled)

“Uh, also not it.”

Stan (Muffled)

“Nobody asked you, Soos.”

Soos (Muffled)

“I know, and I’m comfortable with that.”

Stan (Muffled)

“Wendy - I need you to put up this sign!”

Wendy (Muffled)

“I would but I…ugh…can’t…ugh…reach it…ugh…”

Stan (Muffled)

“I’d fire all’a you if I could. Alright, lets make it…eenie, meenie, miney…you.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Aw, what? Grunkle Stan - whenever I’m in those woods, I feel like I’m being watched!”

Stan (Muffled)

“Ugh, this again…!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“I’m telling you, something weird is going on in this town!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Look, kid; the whole ‘monsters in the forest’ thing is just local legend - drummed up by guys like me, to sell merch to guys like that.”

[An unknown man bemusedly chuckles to himself, oblivious to the conversation at hand.]

Stan (Muffled)

“So quit being paranoid! And take your sister’s dumb glitter bag with you!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“No fair! Why’s Dipper have to steal my stuff to go hang up some dumb signs!”

Stan (Muffled)

“That pack’s a ticking time bomb of disaster! The sooner that thing gets dumped out, the better!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“But…but…I said I was gonna go glitterify the woods!”

Stan (Muffled)

“And you coulda gone and done it while hangin’ up these signs - but ya didn’t wanna do that! So now, either you go send your brother to sprinkle your glitter on mushrooms or whatever - or I’m just gonna dump it out in the backyard right now. Your choice.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Yeah, Mabel - do you want Grunkle Stan to go dump it out? Hmmm…?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Ugh, fiiiiine! Take the stupid bag - just give it back to me when you get back!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Don’t worry - I’ll take care of it.”

[The slight jostling of fabric and plastic can be heard - followed by the clatter of wooden boards and the rustling of a hammer and nails. A wooden door creaks open after a series of steps across a wooden floor - being followed closely behind by the crunching of footsteps on grass and dirt. The footfall stops briefly, as boards and nails are gently placed on the ground. A zipper gently sounds immediately preceding a rustling of plastic and polyester.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“And if I’m taking care of this thing, and if you refuse to actually conserve tape - then I’ll do it for you.”

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

[Feet can be heard crunching against leaves and undergrowth.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“Ugh - Grunkle Stan…nobody ever believes anything I say.”

[The footfall stops briefly, being interrupted by the sounds of a hammer banging a nail into wood - only for the footsteps to pick back up after.]

[The crunching of steps in the undergrowth stops yet again - but instead of the sound of a hammer driving a nail into wood, it is instead interrupted by the sound of metal striking metal.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“...huh?”

[Two more strikes - a hammer striking steel. The sound of a hand brushing against a manufactured surface can be heard - followed by the sound of a metal panel being slid. A switch clicks into different positions several times - with no audible effect. A second switch clicks into place, accompanied by the sounds of mechanical whirrs and panels moving - and a goat bleating in alarm.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“What the…?!?”

[Steps carry the boy away to a nearby destination. The boy blows on something - then the sound of a leather object being peeled away from a surface it has sat on for many years can be heard.]

[An unknown object is placed on the ground, and paper can be heard rustling. Something glass is picked up and placed down. A page is turned.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“...’After months abroad, it’s great to finally return to Gravity Falls, Oregon. It’s hard to believe I’ve been researching the strange and wondrous secrets of this town for six years.’”

[A page is flipped, then another; then several pages are leafed through in rapid succession.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“...’Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed. I’m being watched. I must hide this book before HE finds it. Remember - in Gravity Falls, there is no one you can trust.’”

[A book is heard closing.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“...no one you can trust…”

Mabel (Muffled)

“HELLO!”

[Dipper cries out in alarm.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“Watcha readin’? Some nerd thing?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Uh…uh…it’s nothing!”

Mabel (Muffled, Mockingly)

“...’Uh…uh…it’s nothing!’”

[Mabel chuckles.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“What, are you actually not gonna show me…?”

[The gentle sounds of a goat nibbling on leather can be heard.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“Uh……let’s go somewhere private.”

~ CLICK ~

The two twins stood in the middle of this clearing in the woods - a tree long fallen and overgrown with moss laying between them. Mabel had a look of bemusement on her face - clearly still amused by the pitiful attempt at deceit just provided by her brother. But Mabel was always quick to move on from such things - easy-going as she was. Her brother would tell her what was going on soon - and she was always eager to hear new and exciting things.

Dipper, on the other hand, had a look of grave apprehension. This strange book - with its leatherbound cover, its ripped bookplate claiming it to be the property of no one in particular, its strange golden six-fingered hand embossed with the number three stuck to the cover… Whatever it was that he had just stumbled upon was wrapped in an air of mystery and suspicion. “Trust no one” indeed - Dipper knew not who it was that wrote such a warning, but their paranoia was infectious. He was new to this town - how much did he really know about this no-name hick town he found himself in? Could it really be hiding dark and dangerous secrets?

Questions for later. For now, he walked back to the Mystery Shack with his sister - cobweb-covered journal in hand.

…

~ CLICK ~

Unidentified, Knowing, Judgemental Voice

“C Aalgsij’k pofg oscfw msrj wwunemu - mei osrw xsef qkuk rpxzhyl Wcp gsf oex wuezfid.”

~ CLICK ~

Chapter Text

Entry 1

A Foreword

June 18,

After months abroad, it’s great to finally return to Gravity Falls, Oregon. It’s hard to believe I’ve been researching the strange and wondrous secrets of this town for six years.
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Even though I have seen many strange and fearsome sights in my time “across the pond” as they say, nothing can beat the sheer concentration of weirdness present in the town I’ve been calling home all these years! Gravity falls is indeed a geographical oddity.

But the strangest thing about this town is the question: WHY?? Why is it that this one remote location houses more paranormal, after-average, and super-usual phenomena than any other location on Earth? I’ve spent the last five months studying with Europe’s foremost experts on the paranormal to find correlations or contradictions - and while they certainly have some phenomena which truly defies expectations; the vast majority of their reports are nothing more than the ravings of lunatics and those desperate for validation!
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There must be a hidden law of nature, a “Grand Unified Theory of Weirdness,” which explains how everything in Gravity Falls is connected - and how it connects to wider global phenomena. My benefactors trust that I will use their grant money to discover something incredible, and I believe this Theory could be it.
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MY CONTINUING MISSION:
Investigate the Oddities of Gravity Falls
Discover the GRAND UNIFIED THEORY OF WEIRDNESS
Publish theory and join the ranks of Newton, Tesla, & Einstein in the pantheon of science!
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Chapter Text

Tape 3

A Secret Admirer

Far from the strange glade where a tome once laid to rest, a set of twins makes their way through the woods to a place of wonder and secrets. The mysteries of said shack seem to pale in comparison to the one now held in the grasp of the young Dipper Pines - a background consideration in the face of the ancient lore that he now found himself in possession of. This strange, arcane book held claims of fantastical beasts and grand conspiracies - what possible secrets could a crotchety great uncle have in comparison to this?

The excitement emanating from Dipper was palpable - he had always been one for wild theorizing and the deeper secrets of the world, but had never gotten his chance to hold one in his very hands. His sister was excited as well - Mabel may not have had the same passion for secrets and mysteries that her brother had, but anything that got Dipper this worked up simply had to be something worth caring about. Even if the only reason to care was to tease him about it later.

The matched set made their way back through the woods and to the Mystery Shack, eventually settling into the residence’s living room. After checking to make sure that his Grunkle was nowhere to be found, Dipper cracked open the journal to show his sister - only for Mabel to interrupt him to turn on her tape recorder.

~ CLICK ~

Mabel

“...okay, NOW tell me!”

Dipper

“...fine, I guess this DOES count as important enough. Check it out!”

Mabel

“...is all this excitement about some dusty old book you found…?”

Dipper

“It’s not just some dumb old book! Look…”

[Pages can be heard rapidly flipping.]

Dipper

“...it’s got all this stuff about strange creatures and things that live around here! Gnomes, Giants, Fairies, Ghosts…!”

Mabel

“Cool!”

Dipper

“It's AMAZING! Grunkle Stan said I was being paranoid - but according to this book, Gravity Falls has this secret dark side!”

Mabel

“Woah! Shut. Up!”

Dipper

“And get this! After a certain point, the pages just stop - like the guy who was writing it…mysteriously disappeared!”

Mabel

“Guess we BOTH have mysteries to investigate this summer!”

Dipper

“...what do you mean…?”

Mabel

“Well, time to spill the beans!”

[A tin can can be heard tipping over off of a wooden table.]

Mabel

“-Boop! Beans.

“This girl’s got a secret admirer! Woot woot!”

Dipper

“How do you know…?”

Mabel

“Well, Grunkle Stan had me spraying the lawn with this nasty fungus-killing stuff - and when I got back to the front door, someone had taped this note to it! Here, check it out for yourself!”

[Paper rustles its way out of a sweater pocket.]

Dipper

“...did you spill something on this? It looks…stained.”

Mabel

“Nope! I found it like that.”

Dipper

“Isn’t that a bit sketchy…?”

Mabel

“...what do you mean?”

Dipper

“Think about it - if you were giving a note to someone you had a crush on, wouldn’t you want to make a good impression? Why use a gross, ratty old piece of paper like this?”

Mabel

“Ugh, who CARES about the paper they used?!? It’s not the paper that matters - it’s what’s on it! Read what it says!”

Dipper

“...fine.

“...’Seen you from afar. Can’t stop thinking about you. Want to be together.’...

“...that’s creepy as heck.”

Mabel

“No it’s not! It’s charming and romantic! You just don’t know what it’s like to be in love…!”

Dipper

“Neither do you.”

Mabel

“Maybe not yet - but I will soon…!”

Dipper

“You can’t seriously be considering this.”

Mabel

“So what if I am? I told you this morning I wanted a summer romance - this is my big chance!”

Dipper

“Yeah, but why this creep…? Couldn’t you wait for the next guy?”

Mabel

“But my opportunity is here - I just need to make my move! What should I do…?”

Dipper

“Call. The. Cops.”

Mabel

“Oh, what do you know! Can’t you quit being such a Debbie downer and just be happy for me?”

Dipper

“Look - you wanna take your chances with this creep, that’s your life to risk. I’ve said my peace.”

Mabel

“Fine - but you don’t get to complain when I’m living my summer romance dreams and you’re off being a lonely grumpy grump! Now where does Grunkle Stan keep the paper…”

Dipper

“...paper?”

Mabel

“Yeah - I’m gonna write them a note and leave it where they left this one!”

Dipper

“Suit yourself.

“By the way, can I have the tape recorder back?”

Mabel

“Why - whatcha doin’ with it?”

Dipper

“I want to use it to make an investigation log for the journal. Y’know - record my thoughts and notes.”

Mabel

“Sure, Bro-Bro! But take the fanny pack too - in case Grunkle Stan comes around.”

Dipper

“Will do.”

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

Dipper

“If you’re listening to this recording, then odds are you’re also hunting for the answers to the mysteries of Gravity Falls. My name is Dipper Pines - I’m currently visiting my Great Uncle Stanford for the summer with my twin sister; he runs the Mystery Shack. While wandering through the woods, I found some sort of Journal - hidden away in a secret compartment. This journal claims to be written by someone who had previously studied the monsters and strange happenings around the town - I have no idea how true any of this is at this time, but I’ll be looking into it.

“Which brings me to these tapes - I’m recording this here today to keep track both of my investigations into the strange things this Journal claims, as well as a backup in case the Journal ever becomes lost or damaged.

“Unfortunately, my sister is also using these tapes to record her summer memories. I thought about using my own fresh tapes to record these - but since we have a very limited amount of tapes, I’ve decided to just record these on any tapes that have space left. When I get home, I’ll look into making copies of these tapes and editing out all of Mabel’s stuff.

“With all that said - let’s start off this first Investigation Log.

“Initial impressions of the book itself - it’s a larger book, with a leather cover and gold corners. There’s a six-fingered hand in golden foil stuck to the front - with the number three on it. I’m not sure if any of this means anything yet.”

[The sound of a book being opened can be heard.]

Dipper

“Opening the book, there’s a monocle attached to a string, which is attached to the book itself. The inside front cover of the book has a bookplate on it which probably said who owned it at one point - but unfortunately the name’s ripped off.

“On the first actual page, the book just says ‘Vol. 3’, then four words in a different language - ‘Ad astra per aspera’... I’m not sure what that means, but the idea that this is the third book in a series is interesting. If that’s true, then I have no idea where the first two books are. I’ll have to keep an eye out for them.”

[A page is turned.]

Dipper

“Flipping to the next page, the Author starts talking about their investigations into what they call the ‘Grand Unified Theory of Weirdness’. There’s also some sort of jumble of letters at the end here which don’t make any sense…maybe a code…? I don’t know much about codes, but I can look into it. There’s also a drawing of some forest-covered mountains at the bottom of the page, with some sort of eyeball on them…?

“On to the next page -”

[A wooden door slams open violently, followed by the rush of shoes on wooden floors and the excited screaming of a preteen girl. Dipper screams in shock in response.]

Mabel (Quickly)

“DIPPERDIPPERDIPPERDIPPERDIPPER!!!”

Dipper

“JEEZ, MABEL! Calm down! What’s going on?”

Mabel

“I got a response! I GOT A RESPONSE!”

Dipper

“...that quick…? But I came up here like ten minutes ago - tops. How’d he have time to respond…?”

Mabel

“No idea - but LOOK!”

[The crinkling of paper can be heard.]

Dipper

“...still that disgusting, dirty paper…

“...’Like you too. Want to meet. When?’...”

Mabel

“It’s all happening so fast! I’m so excited!!”

Dipper

“You must’ve seen him this time, right?”

Mabel

“Nope! Whoever it is, they’re still a mystery…!”

Dipper

“How could you not even think to look?!?”

Mabel

“I’ll have you know, I DID try to see them! I tried watching the note, but I never saw who took it and put the new one up.”

Dipper

“Nothing?”

Mabel

“Nope - they’ve got too much roguish charm for me…!”

Dipper

“...Mabel, there’s something really strange about all this. Mysterious old notes suddenly appearing seemingly out of nowhere without any sign of who did it…?”

Mabel

“Oh, quit it with your conspiracizing! Can’t you just be happy for me?”

Dipper

“Not when everything about this is so……weird…”

[The sounds of pages in a book being carefully - but hurriedly - thumbed through begins.]

Mabel

“Uh…Dipper?

“...Earth to Dipper, hello?”

Dipper

“Not now, Mabel; I’m checking something.”

Mabel

“Fine! Feel free to be lonely all summer with your dumb nerd book - I’m gonna score me a date with a mysterious hottie!”

[The flipping of pages does not cease.]

Dipper

“Yeah, sure; whatever.”

[Mabel scoffs. Following this, a series of steps sounds out - to be closed out by the closing of a wooden door.]

Dipper

“....wait; Mabel don’t…!

“...she’ll be fine for now…probably…but if I’m right, then I’ve gotta figure out whatever that THING that’s talking to her is…!

“...I’ll report back on what I find when I find it. Dipper out.”

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

Dipper

“...Dipper Pines - Investigation Log 1, Part 2.

“I’ve been looking through the Journal for twenty minutes or so now, and I’ve come back empty-handed. I haven’t read through every entry - I filtered out the less-likely culprits: unicorns, gnomes, something called a Geodite…? I’ve only checked out any entries that seem like they might try to trick my sister. There’s a few - the Hide-Behind seems to target young people alone in the woods, and it’s always possible that this is some sort of ghost - but nothing fits exactly.

“Everything in my gut is screaming that this mysterious person leaving those creepy stained notes for Mabel has something to do with the monsters in this book - but I just can’t find anything that matches. Am I just being paranoid…?”

Soos

“It’s a dilemma, to be sure.”

[Dipper unleashes a quick, startled gasp. The soft sounds of a lightbulb being screwed into place can be heard.]

Soos

“I couldn’t help but overhear you talkin’ aloud to that tape recorder in this empty room.”

Dipper

“...Soos, you didn’t happen to see what left Mabel those notes, did you?”

Soos

“Nah, dude; just saw Mabel run in all excited with those notes in her hands.”

Dipper

“You agree that those gross-looking notes ARE weird though, right…?”

Soos

“They’re definitely strange…but I’m not exactly experienced in matters of the heart myself, dude. You didn’t see who left the notes either, didja?”

Dipper

“...no…but everything in me is screaming that there’s something deeply wrong here!”

Soos

“Look dude, I believe you. I’m always noticing weird stuff in this town - like the mailman? Pretty sure that dude’s a werewolf.

“...but ya gotta have evidence. Otherwise people are gonna think you’re a major league cuckoo clock.”

Dipper

“...as always, Soos - you’re right.”

Soos

“My wisdom is both a blessing, and a curse.”

Stan (Distant)

“SOOS! The portable toilets are clogged again!”

Soos

“I am needed elsewhere. Maybe try talking to Wendy? She’d have a better idea about all that romance stuff than me.”

Dipper

“...not a bad idea. Thanks for the advice, Soos.”

Soos

“No problem, dude - good luck on your monster hunt!”

[Steps slowly trail out of earshot.]

Dipper

“...okay, then; let’s see what Wendy has to say.”

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

Dipper

“...alright, it’s on.”

[The page of a magazine turns lazily.]

Wendy

“...I’m gonna have to deal with both of you recordin’ me all summer, aren’t I?”

Dipper

“Mostly Mabel - I’m only doing this because I’m investigating.”

Wendy

“Investigatin’ what, exactly?”

[Another page turns.]

Dipper

“Mabel’s crush of the day.”

Wendy

“Goin’ all ‘protective brother’ on her, are ya?”

Dipper

“It’s more than that…have you seen this guy?”

Wendy

“I’ll be honest…? I’ve mostly just been readin’ this magazine all day. Not really paying attention to what’s been going on.”

[A page turns yet again.]

Dipper

“Yeah - well, neither has anyone else. Including Mabel.”

[A pause - then a magazine can be heard being set down.]

Wendy

“...Mabel hasn’t even MET the guy…?”

Dipper

“No - she’s just been finding these disgusting, stained notes written for her.”

Wendy

“Yikes. This whole situation is covered in red flags.”

Dipper

“Right? I found this Journal in the woods that describes all sorts of monsters in it, and I’ve been trying to figure out-”

Wendy

“Woah, dude; monsters? That’s a bit of a leap.”

Dipper

“I mean, what else would it be…?”

Wendy

“...look - you’re young and a boy, so I’m not gonna blame you for being ignorant on this one; but trust an older girl on this - there doesn’t have to be anything supernatural goin’ on here for this to be a seriously bad situation. There’s plenty of garden-variety creeps in this world.”

Dipper

“Even in a small town like this…?”

Wendy

“Oh yeah. My dad had this classmate in middle school who just kinda disappeared one day. No one ever saw hide nor hair of her again.”

Dipper

“How long ago was that?”

Wendy

“I’unno - ‘bout thirty years, maybe forty…?

“Honestly, I’m kinda surprised you’ve never heard of that one. That story goes around sometimes on True Crime shows - not my jam, but with how into mysteries and junk you are I figured there’s a decent chance you’d be deep into that shit.”

Dipper

“Shouldn’t we warn the police then?”

Wendy

“Eh…Blubs and Durland are cool dudes - but they’re pretty useless as cops. Feel free to go to their place and interrupt them if you want - but I promise you they’re not gonna be any help. Might even make things worse, honestly.”

Dipper

“...their place? Do the police in Gravity Falls live at the station or something…?”

Wendy

“Nah - they just live together. Have for a couple of years now. I’ll give you the address if you want?”

Dipper

“If they’re as bad as you say, then I’ll just have to talk some sense into Mabel myself.”

Wendy

“Lemme know if you need help kicking some creeper butt - no way I’m letting the boss’s family become a statistic on my watch.”

Dipper

“Hopefully it won’t come to that.”

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

[Footsteps rush up wooden stairs.]

Dipper

“...she’s on her way. Hopefully she’ll listen to me.”

Mabel

“I got a date! I GOT A DATE!”

Dipper

“A DATE?!?”

[Mabel unleashes a high-pitched squeal of excitement.]

Mabel

“I told them I wanted to meet them in my last note, and they want to meet me in the woods tonight!”

Dipper

“TONIGHT?!?”

Mabel

“Now get out and lemme get ready for the night of my life…!”

Dipper

“Absolutely not! You need to listen to me, Mabel - this guy -”

Mabel

“I thought I told you to stop with all the crazy monster stuff!”

Dipper

“Who said anything about monsters?”

Mabel

“You did earlier today!”

Dipper

“Yeah, but he doesn’t have to be a literal monster to be dangerous! Don’t you remember what the book said about Gravity Falls - ‘Trust No One’!”

Mabel

“Well what about ME, huh?!? Why can’t you trust ME!”

Dipper

“Mabel, he’s gonna KILL YOU!”

Mabel

“Dipper, listen to me. I’m going to meet them at five o’clock - and I’m gonna be ADORABLE -”

[Someone pushes someone else.]

Mabel

“-and THEY’RE gonna be DREAMY -”

[Another shove - harder this time.]

Dipper

“WAIT - But-but-but-”

Mabel

“-and I’m not gonna let you RUIN it with one of your CRAZY CONSPIRACIES!”

[A door slams shut. Hard. Dipper sighs.]

Dipper

“...what am I gonna do…?”

[The door quickly opens again.]

Mabel

“...also I need the tape recorder back.”

Dipper

“What? Why?”

Mabel

“I’m gonna record the moment I meet them - duh! I wanna relive it forever!”

Dipper

“Really, Mabel - I don’t think you should -”

Mabel

“Either you hand it over now, or I tell Grunkle Stan about it and neither of us gets to have it ever. Your choice.”

Dipper

“...fine. But seriously Mabel, please don’t -”

Mabel

“I TOLD you to CUT IT OUT!”

[The door slams again. Mabel groans.]

Mabel

“What is WITH him today?!? He finds some dumb book about monsters and suddenly every new person in our lives is a secret bad guy?!? He needs to chill out!

“...bet he already used up most of this tape with his nerd research, too. Probably best to just pop in a fresh one.”

~ CLICK ~

On each side of the wooden door, two very different situations were rapidly blooming. On the side of the young dynamo Mabel, a flurry of motion was rapidly unleashed. Suitcases full of sweaters were torn through - each new sweater being tossed aside for being “too subdued”, or “too drab”, or even the dreaded “too few sparkles”. Earrings were tried on, taken off, and cast aside until the perfect set was found. Eventually, she settled upon a sparkly sweater featuring a cat and the phrase “Meow Wow!”, as well as a pair of star earrings. She was filled with excitement and longing as she impatiently watched the time tick away closer to five.

On the other side, her twin was rapidly descending into a panic. Five o’clock was fast approaching, and he needed a plan of attack. There was no use in trying to barge in - Mabel had already decided that he was speaking nonsense, she would never listen to him. Nothing he could do on his own would ever be enough to get Mabel to listen to reason when she got like this.

But perhaps there was someone else she would listen to…? Dipper ran downstairs at that thought, and in a flurry of panic he began unloading the details of their conversation to Wendy. She listened with growing concern, and with a serious look on her face she began to lay out a plan.

Dipper could only hope it would work. He didn’t want to go home as an only child.

…

~ CLICK ~

Unidentified, Knowing, Judgemental Voice

“Kj ofpj xzsp fhqsmjj fogohsje daw voslilt ls Helud tag uskgw - hw qtkzl daog zivp xhw Vzxlajg mjyirv xo usxi.”

~ CLICK ~

Chapter Text

Tape 4

A Mouldering Garden

The forests surrounding the town of Gravity Falls are thick and foggy - a consequence of being on the windward side of the Rocky Mountains. The great and ancient trees conspire with the dense undergrowth to make for a true curtain of greenery - preventing any unwelcome nosy sorts from uncovering its secrets. The plant life conspires with the dense humidity on this matter, creating an almost ethereal wall to hide their dark secrets. Only those invited to know what the forest holds shall learn what lies within.

Up high in a cabin in the woods, a young girl dressed up in what is - in her opinion - her finest sweater watches a clock slowly tick by. She had been sitting and impatiently watching this clock for a while now - waiting with bated breath to see it finally roll over to five o’clock in the evening. Downstairs, a young boy and a redhead sit together conspiratorially as they wait for the last customers of the day to stroll their way out. As the time ticks closer to the fated hour, they even… “ encourage”...those few loiterers who are close to overstaying their welcome to head on out the door.

The clock chimes five. The conspirators downstairs brace themselves for the upcoming confrontation. The young girl upstairs, excited and blissfully unaware, rushes her way out of her bedroom and down the stairs.

~ CLICK ~

[Footsteps sprint down wooden stairs and across wooden floors.]

Mabel

“It’s time! IT’S TIME!”

[A zipper rapidly sings closed.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“I’ll be back, Grunkle Stan! I’ve got a date…with DESTINY!”

Stan (Muffled)

“Don’t do anythin’ I wouldn’t do.

“...ah, who am I kiddin’? Don’t do anythin’ I WOULD do either.”

[The footsteps continue on their hurried run for a bit longer, then come to a dead stop as a throat clears.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“...Dipper.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Mabel.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Still being a crazy weirdo about my date?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Mabel, look - you’ve gotta listen to me. Whatever it is you’re going to meet is -”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Yep, still being a weirdo. You see how stupid he’s being, right Wendy?”

Wendy (Muffled)

“...actually, Mabel? I’m on Dipper’s side here.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“...what?”

Wendy (Muffled)

“I know this is like your first date or whatever; but you’ve gotta see how this whole thing is fucked up, right?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“You too?!? Dipper’s a weird doo-doo head, I get that; but don’t tell me that YOU believe that I’m meeting some crazy monster too…?”

Wendy (Muffled)

“What? No, of course not! The monster stuff is just some weird paranoid bullshit on Dipper’s end, -”

Dipper (Muffled)

“- Hey, that’s not -”

Wendy (Muffled)

“- BUT, monster men aside; regular dudes can be just as creepy and just as scary.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“And what, am I not supposed to trust anyone I see here or something? If that’s the case, then how do I know I can trust YOU?”

Wendy (Muffled)

“Whoa now, I didn’t say that, but you gotta -”

Mabel (Muffled)

“BUT NOTHING! I don’t know how Dipper infected you with his paranoia; but if I wasn’t gonna listen to him, what makes you think I would listen to YOU?!?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Mabel, calm down! Wendy’s just trying to -”

Mabel (Muffled)

“NO! Wendy has only known us for a couple of days - I don’t CARE what she has to say!”

Wendy (Muffled)

“Chill out, Mabel! All I’m trying to do is save your ass from some serial killer freak in the woods!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Look, if you don’t want to listen to Wendy ‘cause she’s too new or whatever; fine. But I’VE known you your whole life, and I’m telling you that -”

Mabel (Muffled)

“That what?!? That no one would want to go on a date with me unless they were a creep?!?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“That’s not what I’m trying to say, just listen to -”

Mabel (Muffled)

“I’m DONE listening to you. I’m GOING on this date, everything will be fine, and YOU’LL owe me an apology when I get BACK!”

[A wooden door slams hard against its frame, followed closely behind by a shout of frustration from Mabel.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“When I get back, I’m gonna rub in just how AWESOME it went! Then they’ll see!

“...should probably save the rest of the tape for the date.”

[A zipper carefully zips open.]

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

[Frustrated, stomping steps can be heard crunching through the forest floor.]

Mabel

“...stupid Dipper and his stupid paranoia…”

[A zipper hums shut.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“I don’t understand why he can’t just let me enjoy this! Why does he have to stick his nose in my love life! I just wanted him to be happy for me - was that too much to ask?!?

“He even got Wendy in on it to dogpile against me! WENDY! We’ve only known her for a couple of days - what does SHE have to do with MY love life?!?”

[The march through the forest halts.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“...is it really that weird to get notes from a secret admirer…? If someone slipped a note into one of my friends’ lockers back home, it would have been absolutely adorable! Super romantic! Why is it different this time?

“...just because the notes are weird? Because they got left on the Shack? Is it really that different…?”

[The stubborn march through the forest begins with a new vigor behind it.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“...no. Dipper’s just being dumb, and Wendy doesn’t know me. Everything’s gonna be great!”

[For a minute or so, the gentle ambience of the twilight forest can be heard accompanying Mabel’s march - the occasional chirping of insects, the skittering of squirrels in the canopy, or the longing song of twilight birds. Slowly though, the ambient sounds of the woods disappear - until only the crunching of undergrowth underfoot remains, though the stride slowly loses its confident edge. The sound of the solemn stroll is only broken very occasionally - by a rustling branch, or a breaking twig, or the sound of a dog-sized animal scampering nearby.]

[Another minute or so passes in this manner.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“...where are they…? Shouldn’t I have seen them by now…?”

[Mabel stops walking. There is dead silence on the tape for several seconds.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“...maybe Dipper and Wendy were right. This feels wrong…”

[More silence.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“...maybe I should just head back. If they want to see me so bad, then they can -”

[A branch breaks loudly nearby.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“...hello…? Is somebody there…?”

[Dead air for several seconds.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“...if this is your idea of a joke, then it’s not funny!”

[Silence.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“...forget this, I’m leaving!”

[A zipper hurries open, but is cut off by the sounds of something stepping out from the underbrush.]

Mabel

“Alright, whoever you are, this has gone on long -”

[The visitor’s steps continue at a slow trundling pace - but they sound wrong. Gone is the firm crunching of underbrush from Mabel’s march here - these steps are anything but firm. They slap themselves almost moistly against the forest floor - and as the appendage is lifted from the dirt; it almost seems to peel itself from the ground with a soft, sickening sound somewhere between the uprooting of a plant and the tearing of rotten flesh.]

Mabel

“...h…hello…? …are you the one who gave me the notes…?”

[No response, save for the continued march of inhuman feet.]

Mabel

“...what even are you…? Some sort of freaky garden gnome…?

“...and what’s that awful, musty smell?”

[The sounds of slapping and stretching appendages get closer. Nervous feet - with a much more standard crunch as they hit the ground - begin to cautiously step back.]

Mabel

“...okay, that’s close enough there weird gnome thing…! Why don’t you just take your weird pointy red hat, and your gross green beard, and turn around and leave me alone…?”

[Both sets of steps continue. Several rustling sounds can be heard from the underbrush.]

Mabel

“...that’s not a beard.”

[Mabel begins stepping backwards with more speed. The strange interloper does not pick up its pace.]

Mabel

“...and that’s not a hat either, is it…?”

[Her steps quicken again. The thing in front of her makes no such change in stride. The rustling in the underbrush gets louder and more frantic; as several more sets of strange, slapping appendages begin to join the horrible march.]

Mabel

“...and NO FACE is where I DRAW THE LINE!”

[The sounds of Mabel turning quickly on her heels and beginning to break into a sprint are interrupted almost as soon as they start. An army of wet, slapping steps and appendages tearing from the dirt surround and enclose.]

Mabel

“......oh…you have…friends…!

“...well then…! Maybe if we all just calm down for a second…and take a few steps back…we can have a nice conversation about…whatever it is you want…!

“...if you…can…talk…”

[The sickening march crawls to an end. Silence once again reigns for a few short seconds.]

Mabel

“...see…? Isn’t it so much better when we all -”

[A sudden cacophony of tearing sounds rises up violently, as Mabel screams in fear. The sounds of a struggle predominate the tape - but with a strange, sickeningly wet quality to it. Something plastic clatters against the forest floor.]

Mabel

“Get off of me! GET OFF OF ME!”

[The struggle continues, as does Mabel’s screaming. Any sounds of Mabel fighting back begin to wane.]

Mabel

“Help! HELP! SOMEBODY HE-”

[A wet, excreting sound is heard - followed by the sounds of something sticky being slapped against flesh. Mabel continues to try and scream - but the sound is muffled, as if her mouth was now sealed shut.]

[Though the sound of struggling never fully ends, they are largely replaced by the sounds of a body being dragged across the forest floor - accompanied by even louder muffled screams. The sounds slowly get further and further away, until silence is all that is left on the tape.]

[After a minute or so of total silence, the sounds of the woods slowly return. For several arduous minutes, the creatures of the forest continue their standard chorus as if nothing had ever happened.]

[The sounds of wheels driving off road and the puttering of a small engine slowly creeps its way into earshot.]

Dipper

“...hold on - I think I see something!”

[Brakes squeal out and halt the rolling of wheels on brush. Shoes land roughly on the forest floor, then step closer.]

Wendy

“What’d you find?”

Dipper

“...it’s our tape recorder - and it’s still running. She was here.”

Wendy

“...hold up. Check the scrub that way.”

[A set of boots dismounts a vehicle and cautiously walks towards something.]

Wendy

“...drag marks…broken branches…something clawing into the dirt…

“...something took her. Probably a lot of somethings, judging by these strange footprints.”

Dipper

“Those round holes in the dirt…? You think they’re footprints?”

Wendy

“Dunno what else they would be - but nothing I know of in these woods leaves prints like that.”

Dipper

“And what’s with those weird white strands sticking out of the prints…?”

[Boots run their way back to whatever vehicle they rode in on and remount it.]

Wendy

“No clue - but we don’t have time to play twenty questions. Hop on - we’re going after them.”

[The smaller set of feet also returns to their vehicle. The small engine roars back to life, wheels crush the undergrowth underneath their advance, and wind rushes past.]

Dipper

“Can you follow them on your own?”

Wendy

“For now - I know these woods like the back of my hand. Why?”

Dipper

“If the tape was running, then it might have caught whatever took Mabel. You keep tracking; I’ll check the tape.”

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

[An engine can still be heard rolling their vehicle through the woods.]

Dipper

“...what the hell was that?!?”

Wendy

“...I have no fuckin’ clue. Whatever it is, it’s not alone; that’s for sure.”

Dipper

“...wait, did she say something about a gnome…?”

Wendy

“...I think so…? So what - we’re looking for a bunch of  creepy guys in Halloween costumes?”

[A book opens, and pages begin to turn.]

Dipper

“Gimme a minute; I’ve gotta check something…”

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

[The vehicle continues its way through the underbrush.]

Wendy

“...so freaky gnome-lookin’ things. Got it.

“What are we lookin’ for then - some sorta mushroom house…?”

Dipper

“Uhh…

“...it says we’re looking for some sort of ‘den’ - apparently it smells like mold.”

Wendy

“...stinky cave. Got it.”

Dipper

“Apparently kidnapping is what they do - really wish I looked closer at their page earlier.”

Wendy

“The hell do they want Mabel for anyways?”

Dipper

“...seems like they stick their victims on the walls of their cave; then wait until they start growing these tall, pointy red mushrooms all over their body…”

Wendy

“...didn’t Mabel say something on the tapes about the gnomes having pointy red hats…?”

[A book slams shut.]

Dipper

“How close are we?”

Wendy

“There was like a few minutes of dead air on the tape, right? There’s no way the golf cart is slower than them on foot - we’ve gotta be close.”

Dipper

“We’re coming, Mabel!”

Wendy

“That monster manual tell you how to kill these things?”

Dipper

“It’s a journal of research notes! It’s not like there’s a part with big, bold text pointing us to their weakness!”

Wendy

“Sarcasm isn’t helpful right now!”

Dipper

“Sorry, sorry - just nervous! But no, it doesn’t tell me how to kill them.”

Wendy

“Operation: Axe-Wielding Maniac it is then.”

Dipper

“...do you smell that…?”

[Someone sniffs the air. The brakes skid the vehicle to a stop.]

Wendy

“...we’re close.”

Dipper

“We’re stopping…?”

Wendy

“Element of surprise, man. Easier to sneak up on foot. Unless you wanna take on a horde of gnomes all at once…?”

Dipper

“...stealth it is.”

Wendy

“Ready, then?”

Dipper

“No…but let’s do this.”

[The sounds of two sets of feet carefully sneaking their way through the underbrush can be heard. As they carefully trudge their way through the forest, one of them stops to gag briefly before continuing onwards. The sounds beneath their feet slowly transition from the crunching of undergrowth to something somehow simultaneously rigid and squelchy - like walking on a soaked rug.]

[Onwards the two souls proceed - stopping occasionally as the sounds of something can be heard skittering in the distance. Eventually, the two stop dead in their tracks and rush behind something.]

Wendy (Whispered)

“Big room up ahead.”

Dipper (Whispered)

“Any gnomes?”

Wendy (Whispered)

“...four - least that I can see.”

Dipper (Whispered)

“Mabel?”

Wendy (Whispered)

“...there’s a few bodies stuck to the walls - but god, I fucking hope the ones I see aren’t her.”

Dipper (Whispered)

“That bad?”

Wendy (Whispered)

“Most of them are skeletons, and the one that isn’t doesn’t look human anymore.”

Dipper (Whispered)

“...think we can take the gnomes…?”

Wendy (Whispered)

“We? No. I’m taking on the gnomes - you’re taking my pocket knife, finding your sister, and cutting her down off the wall.”

Dipper (Whispered)

“You sure?”

Wendy (Whispered)

“More likely to get her out if I’m the bigger threat. You ready?”

Dipper (Whispered)

“...as I’ll ever be.”

Wendy

“Then let’s DO THIS!”

[A pair of boots rushes in as Wendy screams out a battle cry. Several gurgling hisses call out in response from up ahead - accompanied by a series of quick, wet slapping stomps. An axe slices through the air and finds purchase - based on the sound of the blow, in something much more akin to foam than to flesh. Something gurgles out a hiss of pain. Several wet, leaping sounds crash in the direction of the axe’s swing.]

[Meanwhile, a second set of footprints carefully but quickly makes its way around the room.]

Dipper (Whispered)

“Come on, where is she…where is she…?”

[Elsewhere in the room, several slapping sounds can be heard impacting hardwood. Steel sings out through the air again - once, twice, thrice - then finally finds purchase once again in foam-like flesh. Something gurgles briefly, and is then silenced. Something wet latches onto fabric - only for a boot to connect hard against a firm, spongy surface.]

Dipper (Whispered)

“Maybe this one…?”

[A knife cuts into a fibrous substance. Something clatters against a soft surface. Dipper releases a small gasp of shock.]

Dipper

“...NOPE! That’s just bones! Moldy bones!”

[As Dipper’s breath quickens, something elsewhere in the room thuds with a moist impact against muscle. Wendy groans briefly in pain, and something large thuds against the strangely moist earth. Metal and wood clatter to the ground. Something fibrous yet sharp tears into fabric and flesh.]

Dipper (Whispered, Barely)

“Mabel, where are you?!?”

[The violent scuffle continues in the distance, but something muffled groans out nearby.]

Dipper (Whispered, Barely)

“Mabel, is that you?!? I’ll have you out soon!”

[As boots and fists impact against spongy flesh, something once again cuts through fibrous material. A body thuds to the ground…then quickly tries to clamber to its feet.]

Dipper (Whispered, Barely)

“Oh, thank god! You’re okay!”

[Something mumbles happily and weepily. In the distance, wood and metal scrape against the ground before swinging through the air. Something spongy is impacted by the steel and thuds against the floor.]

Dipper

“Wendy!”

Wendy (Pained)

“One second!”

[Something scrambles soggily towards her, but gets cut short as an axe swings its way through the air and into its target.]

Wendy (Pained)

“...last one. Bastards almost had me for a second. You got Mabel?”

[Mabel groans out something muffled and inaudible.]

Dipper

“Safe and sound. You alright?”

[Several twitches are heard against the wet earth. Mabel’s muffled complaints become more desperate.]

Wendy

“They tore up my arms and legs real good - but nothing some antiseptic and bandages can’t fix. Probably gonna need to cut the sleeves off if I wanna wear this again…”

[The sound of sinewy fibers dragging masses around on the floor can be heard. Mabel’s desperate muffled noises quickly become muffled screams.]

Dipper

“Oh, right - lemme just get that off of you…”

[A knife carefully cuts a fibrous mass. Something wet slaps against the ground.]

Dipper

“Better?”

Mabel

“They’re stitching themselves back together!”

[Several slapping steps approach. A gurgling howl is unleashed.]

Wendy

“...yep, time to bail! Let’s go!”

[The sounds of the trio running across soggy earth can be heard alongside the slow trundling sounds of the gnomes advancing behind them. Eventually, the trio of footsteps transitions to running on the typical forest floor as the advance of the gnomes fades away.]

Wendy

“Hop on! Dipper - you drive.”

Dipper

“I’ve never driven before! Why not you?”

Wendy

“If they start chasing us, I’m too hurt to do stunt driving, and Mabel’s just been freed! You’re our best bet!”

Dipper

“...alright; fine. Mabel, take the tape recorder back.”

Mabel

“Got it - now DRIVE!”

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

Mabel (Muffled)

“...any sign of the gnomes…?”

Wendy (Muffled)

“Not since we left their stupid mold cave.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...I can’t BELIEVE we made it out of there!”

Wendy (Muffled)

“WAAAAY too close for comfort. Good thing they’re slow.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“...thank you guys for coming to save me.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“What was I supposed to do - leave you to become gnome fertilizer?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“No, I mean thanks for still trying to help me even after I was too much of a big dummy to listen to you guys! I should have just thrown those stupid notes out…”

Wendy (Muffled)

“Hey man, it’s chill - most girls have at least one creepy boyfriend story - welcome to the club!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...though I doubt that many of those stories are as wild as yours…”

Wendy (Muffled)

“...you’d be surprised.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“...and I’m sorry that I didn’t believe you about it being spooky monster stuff, Dipper.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...don’t worry about it. If you were the one telling me - I don’t think I would’ve believed you either.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Thanks, guys!

“By the way, Wendy - that fight with the gnomes was seriously awesome! Where’d you learn to fight like that?!?”

Wendy (Muffled)

“I grew up with three brothers - makes you good at wrestling after a while. Plus my dad makes us do apocalypse training every year instead of Christmas.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“I’m surprised you got to me so quickly - you must have taken out the rest of the gnomes real quick!”

[A strange rumbling sound can be heard far in the distance.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“...the…rest of them…?”

[The rumbling sound gets louder.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“...yeah…? There were like, two dozen that caught me. You didn’t see them…?”

Wendy (Muffled)

“Just the four that were in the room with you.”

[Louder still the rumbling grows - but they begin to be accompanied by the elephantine steps of something slapping and tearing away from the ground.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“...do you guys hear that?!?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Dipper - do you trust me?”

[The sounds close in - and thick branches can be heard straining and breaking.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“Yeah…why?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Hold them off - I’ll be right back!”

[Mabel runs off.]

Dipper (Muffled, Growing Distant)

“Mabel, wait!”

[Something thunders through the treeline and releases a gurgling roar.]

Wendy (Muffled, Distant)

“What the HELL is that thing?!?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“C’mon, where’d I leave it…?”

Dipper (Muffled, Distant)

“...stay the HELL AWAY from MY SISTER, you STUPID GIANT MUSHROOM!”

Wendy (Muffled, Distant)

“Dipper, what are you -”

[Another gurgling roaring sound - followed quickly by a heavy slapping thud against the earth and the tearing of sturdy fabric, and a pained scream from Dipper.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“I KNOW I left it right around here…!”

Dipper (Muffled, Distant, Strained)

“Wendy…help…!”

Wendy (Muffled, Distant)

“Let GO OF HIM!”

[Steel sings through the air and embeds itself in fibrous, spongy flesh - only for the sound to be overshadowed by the heavy thud of wet, fibrous material against flesh. A body impacts hard against a wooden surface.]

Dipper (Muffled, Distant, Strained)

“No…Wendy!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Where the HELL is it…?”

Dipper (Muffled, Distant, Pained)

“Mabel…hurry…!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“FOUND IT!”

[Mabel picks up something heavy and plastic - and filled with liquid.]

[Another gurgling roar thunders not far away. Mabel rushes back.]

Dipper (Muffled, Pained)

“...please…!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“HEY YOU!”

[A hostile, gurgling growl is heard - as is the sound of plastic being unscrewed.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“GET YOUR STINKING HANDS OFF HIM, YOU DAMN DIRTY GNOMES!”

[A heavy container filled with liquid sloshes its way through the air. Plastic impacts a dense, spongy material. A low, rumbling gurgle of annoyance is unleashed as Dipper squeaks out a barely-conscious cry of pain.]

[Suddenly, the gurgle of annoyance turns to a shrill, phlegmy scream of pain. Thick chunks of wet material slap to the ground in a heinous, thick rainstorm. The great scream of pain turns to a cacophony of panicked and pained gurgling screams. A body thuds to the ground, and Dipper gasps painfully for air.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“DIPPER - are you okay?!?”

[Dipper coughs out in pain.]

Dipper (Muffled, Pained)

“...you saved us...what did you do…?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Well they’re weird mushroom men, right? All I did was find the fungus-killing stuff Grunkle Stan had me spraying earlier and threw it at them!”

[The gloopy rain continues. Several soggy attempts at scampering away can be heard, but most end abruptly. Dipper coughs again.]

Dipper (Muffled, Pained)

“...glad I trusted you.

“...where’s Wendy…?”

[A strained groan from not too far away.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“...OHMIGOSH, WENDY!”

[One set of footsteps sprints over to the source of the groan - the other takes its time to hobble. Meanwhile, the vile rain of material slowly trickles to silence.]

Wendy (Muffled, Pained)

“...fuck…that thing packed a punch…”

Mabel (Muffled)

“C’mon, girl - let’s help you up and into the shack.”

[Through several groans and quick cries of pain, the sounds of Mabel struggling to help Wendy to her feet can be heard.]

Wendy (Muffled, Pained)

“...that sucked.  I’m gonna have SO many bruises tomorrow.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...might get some cool battle scars on your arms and legs from the gnomes earlier.”

Wendy (Muffled, Pained)

“...if I’m lucky!

“What about you - gonna go hatless the rest of the summer, or you gonna replace the one you lost…?”

[Soft pats are heard as Dipper feels his head to in fact find his hat missing]  

Dipper (Muffled)

“...damn it!”

[Wendy chuckles painfully - then takes a centering breath.]

Wendy (Muffled)

“...I can walk from here - you’re a little too short to be helpin’ me hobble along anyways.

“...so! First boyfriend turned out to be gnomes, huh?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“...yeah…that sucked.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...hey, look on the bright side - maybe the next one will be a vampire…?”

[Mabel gives a reserved but good-natured chuckle.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“...oh, you’re just saying that…”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...awkward sibling hug…?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“...awkward sibling hug…!”

[Two sets of friendly pats impact two backs.]

Dipper & Mabel (Muffled)

“...pat, pat!”

Wendy (Muffled)

“Alright, dweebs - let’s get you inside and try to put this all behind us!”

[The trio trudges onto a wooden patio and through a wooden door.]

Stan (Muffled)

“...Yeesh! You three get hit by a bus or somethin’?”

[A wooden counter is slapped, and Stan releases a single mocking laugh. A brief second of silence marked only by a slow march across wooden floors follows.]

Stan (Muffled)

“...uh…hey!”

[The onward march halts.]

Stan (Muffled)

“...eh..wouldn’t ya know it..um..I accidentally overstocked some inventory…!

“...so…uh…howzabout you two twins each take one item from the gift shop - on the house, y’know…”

Mabel (Muffled)

“...really?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...what’s the catch…?”

Stan (Muffled)

“The CATCH is youse two gotta shower as soon as you’re done pickin’ out your thing. You reek!”

[Mabel begins excitedly chuckling to herself as she rifles through boxes - while Dipper hums thoughtfully.]

Wendy (Muffled)

“Nothin’ for me?”

Stan (Muffled)

“You get those injury on the clock…?”

Wendy (Muffled)

“Got ‘em protectin’ your family.”

Stan (Muffled)

“...best I can offer is tomorrow off. Half-pay.”

Wendy (Muffled)

“...SWEET! Catch you guys later!”

[The wooden door swings open, and boots rush out to the patio outside as it swings closed again.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“...hm…that oughta do the trick…!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“...and I will have a…GRAPPLING HOOK!!

“...yes…!”

Stan (Muffled)

“...wouldn’tcha rather have like…a doll…or somethin’?”

[Something is fired; followed by the sounds of metal impacting wood, boxes clattering, and glass shattering.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“...GRAPPLING HOOK…!”

Stan (Muffled)

“...fair enough! Now get offa’ my ceilin’ and go clean yourselves up!”

~ CLICK ~

The rest of the night would be uneventful. The twins would rid themselves of the filth they’d gained on their escapades that day - though it would take both of them several more bathing sessions to truly feel clean, deep as the dirty sensation burrowed its way beneath their skin. Soos would show up to work the next day and sweep the decaying filth on the lawn away into an obscure corner of the forest. Things would progress for the Shack, on its surface, much in the way it always did.

But the two twins knew that there were deeper secrets in store for them in this town of mysteries. If the book knew of these gnomes - what else within its pages was true? While Mabel was happy to leave the gnomes as a standalone event for now, Dipper was far from content with that. He would spend the rest of the night reading through the Journal - seeking answers and questions alike from its confines. A whole world of secrets and adventure was before him - and despite the dreadful tribulations of the past day, he was eager to seek out every answer the redwoods held!

…perhaps one day, he would come to regret that decision - but for now, the thoughts of monsters in the woods made him eager instead of fearful.

…

~ CLICK ~

Several Unidentified, Skittering Voices

“T zlcde psig yys kxqiekez Zce kdpktji. Uye szcyj yoox iige wawt-ggbsg vhvg ff wd buk esp vlrvvrltmpk ft hny kciday ws xfh.”

~ CLICK ~

Chapter Text

Tape 5

First Supplemental

~ CLICK ~

Dipper

“...Dipper Pines - Investigation Log…

“...one part three…? …log two…?

[A brief pause.]

Dipper

“...new tape. Investigation Log two.

“I can now confirm that at least some of the otherwise unbelievable claims in this Journal are true. Yesterday, my sister got kidnapped by creatures matching the description of what the Author of the Journal has called ‘Gnomes’. Can’t say I disagree with the name - they certainly look like those stupid ceramic garden gnomes from afar. When you get close to them though, it’s easy to see that they’re some sort of weird mushroom men - I’d describe them, but the Journal goes into way better detail than I ever could.

“...I’ll focus on recording the entire entry on gnomes sometime later. For now, I’m more interested in following up on the events from yesterday.

“The Journal goes into a lot of good detail about these gnomes in general - but it’s clear that the Author missed some details. For example, they never figured out how the gnomes get their targets - or that they can fuse into one single mega-gnome. If what they tried doing to Mabel is typical for how they get their victims, then it seems like they lure young girls into going out into the forest alone through the use of notes left for their target posing as a ‘secret admirer’. I wish I knew when or how they started following Mabel, but that’s not information I have. All I can say is that if you hear about anyone finding strange notes that are super gross and stained - warn them.

“...the Author ALSO left out any helpful details that would be useful for actually FIGHTING the gnomes. I guess the Author was more concerned with using this as a research journal than a field guide - but I won’t make the same mistake. If you find yourself dealing with these tiny mold men - splash them with some sort of anti-fungal solution. We were able to use some basic gardening fungicide to beat them, but I think that any sort of mushroom-killer should do the trick.

“Onto the agenda for today’s follow-ups! There’s two main points of interest for me right now - checking in on Wendy, and looking into cracking that code from my last investigation log.

“Wendy was an absolute hero fighting off the gnomes yesterday - she took on four of those things single-handedly with nothing but an axe! She’s the COOLEST!”

[Dipper clears his throat awkwardly.]

Dipper

“...but because she was in the thick of it, she took one heck of a beating. Those gnomes tore right through her sleeves and pant legs and into her skin. With how many showers it took for me to feel clean after just being squeezed by the mega-gnome, I can only imagine how nasty those cuts are right now. Soos is gonna take me and Mabel over to the Corduroy house in a little bit to check in on her - make sure she’s alright.

“As for the code-breaking; with all the gnome stuff I haven’t had the chance to research anything about it. Though I’ve definitely seen other encoded text elsewhere in the Journal, this one code is the only one I’ve seen on a page I’ve read through thus far. Like I said before - I know nothing about code-breaking; but we’re gonna take a trip to the Gravity Falls Public Library after we see Wendy so that I can research the topic.

“...Mabel CLAIMS that she’s coming along to do her summer reading - but I highly doubt that. She’ll wait until the week before and write half of her report using SparkNotes like she always does.”

Mabel (Distant)

“DIPPER! Soos is starting the truck - get down here!”

Dipper

“COMING!

“...I’ll resume the Investigation log once I get to the Library. Dipper out.”

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

[A truck can be heard gently braking to a stop.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“So this is Wendy’s place…?”

Soos (Muffled)

“That it is, dudes!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“It looks like an abandoned lumberjack’s hut…”

Soos (Muffled)

“Got it half right! Wendy’s dad IS the local lumberjack, but they definitely still live here.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...but it’s so overgrown? I mean, there’s literally grass growing on the porch and roof!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“I like it! It’s got even more rustic charm than the Mystery Shack! And check out that giant saw blade hanging over the porch!”

[Three car doors are opened, followed by the sounds of people stepping onto the forest floor.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“There is NO way that’s safe.”

Soos (Muffled)

“If it’s home to them, dude? Who are we to judge?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“I guess…”

[Three car doors are closed.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“Enough standing around talking - let’s go see how Wendy’s doing!”

[Three sets of footsteps walk across a clearing in the woods and onto a wooden porch. Someone knocks politely on a thick, wooden door.]

[Several moments pass in relative quiet, before someone decides to knock again - more firmly this time. A series of muffled footsteps walking across hardwood floors can be heard from the other side of a wall.]

[A heavy wooden door can be heard cautiously opening.]

Young Man (Muffled)

“...can I help you…?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Hi there! We’re Wendy’s friends - we came to check in on her and see how she’s doing. Mind if we come in and say hi?”

Young Man (Muffled)

“Sorry - Wendy’s not home right now.”

Soos (Muffled)

“No problemo, dude - we’ll just come back later! Any idea when she’ll be back?”

Young Man (Muffled)

“Not really. Dad had to take her to the hospital.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“WHAT?!?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“She wasn’t THAT hurt yesterday - what happened?”

Corduroy Boy (Muffled)

“Wendy came home yesterday with a whole buncha cuts and scrapes - nothin’ too crazy, it happens. But then she woke up today with a nasty fever and all this gross fuzzy green stuff leakin’ out of the cuts. Dad picked her up, threw her in the truck, and drove right to the hospital.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...holy crap.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Is she gonna be alright?!?”

Corduroy Boy (Muffled)

“We’re Corduroys - she’ll be fine. Just needs some meds.”

Soos (Muffled)

“You guys wanna hop back in the truck and go see her?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Absolutely!”

[Three sets of footsteps begin walking across a wooden porch.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“Let’s GO!”

Corduroy Boy (Muffled)

“...wait - hold up!”

[The walking stops.]

Corduroy Boy (Muffled)

“You guys knew that she was hurt, right? That’s why you came to check on her?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Yeah…?”

Corduroy Boy (Muffled)

“I’m guessin’ that means you were there when she GOT hurt - am I right?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...what of it…?”

Corduroy Boy (Muffled)

“Look, I’m not blamin’ you or nothin’ - but Dad’s got a hell of a temper when he gets worked up. I wouldn’t go visitin’ her when he’s there if you had anythin’ to do with her gettin’ hurt - you follow?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“So we just have to wait until he leaves. Any idea when he’ll be back?”

Corduroy Boy (Muffled)

“Knowin’ Dad? Wouldn’t count on him comin’ home until visitin’ hours are over today.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“...guess that means we have to wait.”

Corduroy Boy (Muffled)

“Sorry. You guys seem alright - don’t want Dad flippin’ out on you just for carin’.

“I’ll let her know that you guys came by soon as I see her, if you want?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“We’d appreciate it.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Just tell her that Mabel, Dipper, and Soos are worried about her!”

Corduroy Boy (Muffled)

“Will do. Have a good one.”

[A wooden door closes. Three sets of footsteps slowly make their way back to a truck.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“...I can’t believe that those dumb gnomes got Wendy sent to the hospital!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Guess they’re even more dangerous than we thought…

“...you didn’t get any cuts from them, did you…?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Not that I know about - how about you?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“They tried crushing me, but they never did anything that would’ve broken the skin. Still probably a good idea to keep an eye out.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“...I still kinda wanna go see her anyways.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Same.”

Soos (Muffled)

“Nah, dudes - Marcus is right. Manly Dan’s a swell dude, but he’s got a crazy temper on him. Best to wait ‘till this is all over and he’s calmed down. Wendy’ll be fine - we just gotta wait.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“I guess…”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Nothing to do about it right now, anyways.”

[Three truck doors open.]

Soos (Muffled)

“You guys still want me to take you to the library?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Nope!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“We’re going, Mabel.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Aw, come on, Dipper! You really expect me to read some dumb book while one of our friends is in the hospital?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“There’s nothing we can do to help Wendy right now, and I still need to do research into the Journal. We have the time now - we’re going.

“Besides, if someone doesn’t start trying to get you to do your summer reading; you’re just gonna forget and start panicking at the last minute.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“...fine, we’ll go so you can do your dumb nerd studying! But I make no promises about doing school work!”

Soos (Muffled)

“Works for me! Next stop, the library!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“BOO!”

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

Dipper

“...Dipper Pines - Investigation Log two part two.

“Quick update on the gnomes - we just went to check in on Wendy, and apparently she got infected with some sort of nasty mold where she got cut up in the fight yesterday. Her dad took her to the hospital, so we haven’t been able to check in on this ourselves; here’s hoping that it sounds a heck of a lot worse than it is. There’s not much for me to do at the moment besides sit back and hope for the best. She’s tough - but hopefully the mystery infection isn’t tougher.

“As for the code - I’m currently in the library, and I’ve found a book about code-breaking. I had no idea there were so many different encryption methods! Vigenere, ROT13, Pigpen…? There’s no way that I’ll be able to try them all myself - so I’m trying to narrow down my possibilities.

“First thing’s first - I have to assume that the Author wanted their notes to be readable by someone - by all means this looks like it’s a research Journal, so presumably they’d want their research to be understandable. They probably just wanted to protect some of the information from being read by any old person. Because of that, I’m immediately ruling out them using their own custom cipher - if they did, then there’s no way anyone could ever crack it without the Author’s help. I have to assume that they intended their notes to be read someday - otherwise why only encrypt certain parts of their notes instead of the whole thing?

“I’m banking on them expecting someone other than themselves to read it someday and thus that they’re using a relatively common cipher. It’s tempting to think that they used something like a Vigenere cipher - something with a passcode that they could give to specific people they trusted. But the Author was clear on that point - they didn’t trust anyone. So unless I find a password somewhere else in this Journal, I’ll work under the assumption that they used a relatively simple cipher.

“There’s a few good options I’ve come across that fit the bill: Atbash, ROT13, and the Caesar cipher. The first two don’t require any guesswork on my part, so I’ll try my hand at -”

Mabel

“Dipper, are you done yet? I’m bored!”

Dipper

“Still in the middle of codebreaking, Mabel!”

Mabel

“No, you’re not! You’re just talking at the tape recorder!”

Dipper

“I’ve gotta keep track of my progress!”

Mabel

“BORING!”

Dipper

“...I’m surprised that the librarian hasn’t shushed you yet.”

Mabel

“Why? It’s literally just me, you, and Soos in here - ‘cause the library is boring as heck! What do they care if we’re loud?”

Dipper

“Look - why don’t you try looking for something on the summer reading list? The sooner you get that done, the sooner you can forget it exists.”

[Mabel groans.]

Dipper

“If you get it done now, you won’t have to deal with Mom and Dad yelling at you when you get back and haven’t done it yet.”

[Mabel groans louder.]

Dipper

“...you know you can’t put it off forever.”

Mabel

“UGH - fine! But it’s not like I even know what I should pick!”

Dipper

“I don’t mind helping you with that - pull out the book list and we’ll pick one out for you.”

Mabel

“Yeah, yeah…!”

[Paper rustles as it unfolds.]

Dipper

“...you liked that vampire book - what about Dracula?”

Mabel

“Do the vampires sparkle?”

Dipper

“No, but -”

Mabel

“NEXT!

“...oooh! This one’s about a bunch of animals on a farm!”

Dipper

“...you don’t want that one.”

Mabel

“But I love cute -”

Dipper

“Trust me, Mabel; that book is NOT what you want.

“...didn’t you watch Pride and Prejudice with Mom that one time? You really liked that movie - why not read the book this summer?”

Mabel

“You and I both know that if I read a book that has a movie I’ve seen, then I’m just gonna watch the movie again. And then I’ll write the report based on the movie, and the teacher will know, and they’ll give me an F.”

Dipper

“I think that comparing the movie and the book would be kind of interesting…”

Mabel

“Maybe to a nerd like you!

“...hmm…‘Rebecca’...do you know anything about it?”

Dipper

“...not one I’ve ever heard of. Who’s the author?”

Mabel

“...Daphne du Maurier…?”

Dipper

“Not someone I know. See if they have it here - it’s at least worth a check.”

Mabel

“You just want me to leave so you can do your code breaking thing, don’t you?”

Dipper

“A little.”

Mabel

“Fine - I’ll leave you to your nerd session! But I’ll be back!”

[Mabel walks away.]

Dipper

“...continuing log.

[A few sheets of paper are straightened out.]

Dipper

“One other thing I noticed about the code is that except for not having any punctuation, it seems to mostly follow basic sentence structure. There’s a random word fully capitalized in the middle here, but the rest matches. Good thing, too - means that they’re probably not doing anything tricky with the ciphers like scrambling Upper and Lowercase letters.

“...and if that’s the case, then the fact that these last two words both start with capitalization PROBABLY means that they’re a name…! Maybe the name of the Author!

“They’re a good place to start, at least - see if I can make those two words make sense, and then use whichever method works to figure out the whole sentence.”

[A pencil scrambles to work on paper for a minute or so, before Dipper lets out a slight groan of frustration.]

Dipper

“...okay, so it’s not Atbash or ROT13. Annoying. Guess I’ll have to run through the Caesar cipher next…”

[Once again, a pencil begins to get to work - only for a set of steps to rapidly approach.]

Mabel

“FOUND IT!”

[A pencil scrapes against paper and onto wood with a startle - only for the lead to break.]

Dipper

“Dang it, Mabel! I was working!”

Mabel

“But look - Rebecca!”

Dipper

“...I can see that. Seem interesting enough to read?”

Mabel

“Sounds like it’s a whirlwind romance story between a young heroine and her tall, dark, and mysterious widower, mourning the loss of his late love - and he whisks her away to his gigantic mansion…!”

Dipper

“Yeah, that’s right up your alley.”

Mabel

“Can’t believe I’m saying it - but I’m actually excited to start reading!”

Dipper

“Glad to hear it.”

Mabel

“What about you - pick your summer reading yet? I’m sure you’re gonna pick the biggest, nerdiest book to show off!”

Dipper

“Honestly…? I was hoping to pick something a bit easier so that I can focus on studying the Journal.”

Mabel

“Got one in mind?”

[Paper rustles as it unfolds.]

Dipper

“Actually, something you said earlier gave me an idea. Remember earlier when we were talking about reading a book for something you’ve already seen the movie for? Well, seems that whoever I have for English next year is more of a sci-fi fan than your teacher - and Jurassic Park’s on the list. I already have a good idea on how the plot goes, and it’ll be fun to see how well the movie adapted it.”

Mabel

“Glad I could help, Bro-Bro!”

Dipper

“Once I crack this code, I’ll go see if the library has it.”

[A set of footsteps approach.]

Soos

“Hey dudes - I’m startin’ to get a bit hungry. Mind if we wrap this up and head out for some grub? My treat!”

Dipper

“...fine. Book first, then lunch. I’ll just have to crack it when I get home.”

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

Dipper

“The Caesar cipher worked - I got a NAME!

“...next mission - find out who the heck Robert Smirke is!”

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

Unidentified, Animalistic Growl

“Moi Hogahy sm nux Cvyyhne loesf ox t mmuy sbkzx xonkkf jvl zr rvyua pnu’z jplfm Abra. Gnr al iudbr moi Jbnlx.”

~ CLICK ~

Chapter Text

Tape 6

Go Fish

It is a still and calm day in Gravity Falls, Oregon. The sky - so often plagued by clouds which the great Rocky Mountains hold back from venturing further inland - is surprisingly sparse. The occasional wispy stratus or stratocumulus formation blows lazily across the empty blue expanse, interrupting the otherwise unbroken blue void. Not that most in Gravity Falls would be able to properly take in the sight - their sightlines so often interrupted by the great living wooden spires that dominate the skyline and dwarf everything else made by man and Mother Nature alike.

Hidden away from the infinite sky by the roof above their heads lies the Pines family - going about their daily routines. A strange, older man stands in the kitchen - phone in hand, having an unheard conversation with someone on the other end. A young man lies on his bed, reading words of wisdom from a tome of unknown potential.

And a young woman in a bright sweater enthusiastically approaches the door to a bedroom, tape recorder in hand.

~ CLICK ~

Mabel

“What’s up, future Mabel! It’s ya girl here, comin’ at you from the Mystery Shack! I thought that after all the excitement of the past couple days, it might be good to have a reminder of what a nice, normal day in Gravity Falls is like!

“Grunkle Stan’s downstairs - probably just watching the morning news, or whatever dumb old people show he likes to watch in the mornings. I’d go and interview him - but we both remember what Wendy said about Grunkle Stan and recording devices.”

[Footsteps walk across a wooden floor.]

Mabel

“...so instead, I’m gonna go bug Dipper and see what he’s doing!”

[A wooden door quickly swings open.]

Mabel

“SURPRISE INTERVIEW TIME!”

[A quick startled scream can be heard from Dipper as the door recloses.]

Dipper

“JEEZ, Mabel! Did you NEED to come charging in here like that?”

Mabel

“Not really - but it’s more fun that way! Now c’mon - tell future Mabel what you’re up to!”

Dipper

“...is there something important going on that I should be aware of…?”

Mabel

“Nope! Just trying to capture what a boring ol’ day in Gravity Falls looks like!”

Dipper

“...with our limited supply of tapes.”

Mabel

“Ugh - not this again! Can’t you just let me have fun capturing memories?”

Dipper

“You won’t be able to KEEP capturing those memories if you burn through all the tapes. Didn’t I tell you that you should only get the really important stuff?”

Mabel

“But that’s the thing - not everything that I’m gonna want to remember IS big and important! It’s just as important to remember the little everyday things too!”

Dipper

“And what are you gonna do when we run out of tapes…?”

Mabel

“We can just run to the store and buy more!”

Dipper

“...and when was the last time you saw a Mall-Mart selling audio tapes…?”

[A beat of silence.]

Mabel

“...okay, so maybe we have to go to a specialty store to get them; what’s the big deal?”

Dipper

“And you expect to find a specialty store in the middle of nowhere, Oregon…?”

Mabel

“This town is old-fashioned as heck! If there’s anywhere that has a store that sells outdated tech, I’d bet this town is it!”

Dipper

“I doubt that - but let’s say you’re right. What are we gonna do - ask Grunkle Stan to help us run to the tape recorder store to buy more tapes? He’ll just make us give him the tape recorder so he can break it!”

Mabel

“...maybe Wendy or Soos will take us…?”

Dipper

“Maybe - but are we supposed to ask them to BUY it for us too? It’s not like Grunkle Stan is paying us to work in the Shack - and asking him for money to buy the tapes is just as bad as asking him to take us to buy them.”

Mabel

“...okay, fine! We only have so many tapes - it’s not like I’m the only one using them! What about your investigation logs?”

Dipper

“They’re important research notes - I can’t stop doing that!”

Mabel (Mockingly)

“And what are you gonna do when we run out of tapes…?”

Dipper

“Alright, alright! I get your point. I’ll stop getting on your case about the tapes - but we’ve gotta figure out a plan for when we run out.”

Mabel

“Later - right now, I wanna know what you’re up to!”

Dipper

“...fine. I was just studying the Journal.”

Mabel

“Anything interesting…?”

Dipper

“I just started reading this section on ‘Lake Gravity Falls’. Apparently there’s rumors of some sort of lake monster living in it.”

Mabel

“Cool - what’s it look like?”

Dipper

“I’m not sure. The Author doesn’t even seem sure that the monster’s real - apparently they never found it.”

Mabel

“Then why write about it at all…?”

Dipper

“Not sure - like I said, I only just started reading the page. But it seems like it’s more about the lake itself being weird than it is about a monster that may not even exist.”

Mabel

“Weird how…?”

Dipper

“I was getting to that before you came and interrupted me…”

Stan (Distant)

“KIDS! Get down here!”

Dipper

“...and I guess I’m not gonna be ABLE to now…”

[A book can be heard sliding against fabric.]

Mabel

“Don’t worry Bro-Bro - you’ll have plenty of time later tonight. It’s not like it’s gonna come up any time soon!”

[Something plastic rubs against fabric before a zipper hums shut.]

[A wooden door opens as two sets of footsteps make their way across the wooden floors and down the stairs.]

Stan (Muffled)

“Took you two knuckleheads long enough!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“What’s up, Grunkle Stan?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“I’m guessing you need something cleaned before the Shack opens…?”

Stan (Muffled)

“Not today - Shack’s closed for the day.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“I didn’t think you EVER closed the Shack.”

Stan (Muffled)

“What, ya kiddin’ me? If my old man ever found out I was workin’ on the Sabbath, he woulda killed me!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“What’s that about a bath…?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“But you had the Shack open last Sunday after we got here…?”

Stan (Muffled)

“Sunday? Holy day’s on Saturday!

“...guess I’m not the only member of the family who gave up on the whole ‘religion’ thing.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Who cares - today’s Friday! Why are you closing the Shack for the day?”

Stan (Muffled)

“Wendy’s still in the hospital, and there’s no point in tryin’ to fleece some rubes if there’s no one to take their money. I woulda had Soos man the register - but Friday’s his off day.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“One of us could work the register!”

Stan (Muffled)

“No way in HECK am I lettin’ one a’ youse two do it!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Whaaaat? Why not?”

Stan (Muffled)

“ ‘Cause YOU can’t be trusted with money, and your BROTHER can’t be trusted with people!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Oh, please! I’m GREAT with money!”

Stan (Muffled)

“Maybe - but could ya look me in the eyes and tell me that you’d be fine takin’ fifty bucks from some dumb tourist for a hat?

“...or would you feel bad for ‘em and let ‘em walk outta here with a big discount…?”

[A beat of silence.]

Stan (Muffled)

“Thought so.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“And what was that about me not being ‘good with people’?”

Stan (Muffled)

“Kid, you’ve been here nearly a week. How many times have you taken a shower?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Like six times!”

Stan (Muffled)

“Yeah - all in the same day, and all ‘cause I made you!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Showering every day is inefficient!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Gross, Dipper!”

Stan (Muffled)

“Look - point is, I got no one I trust to take people’s money. So howzabout we use today as Family Fun Day instead!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Family Fun Day…?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...this is just gonna be some sort of excuse to get us to do some sort of stupid chore for you, isn’t it…?”

Stan (Muffled)

“You two are on vacation - whatcha think I was gonna have ya just workin’ all summer?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Based on how the summer’s gone so far? Could’ve fooled me.”

Stan (Muffled)

“If I sent you little gremlins back home to your folks without havin’ any fun stories all summer, they’d never letcha come back!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Awwww…! You really do -”

Dipper (Muffled)

“-give him a second.”

Stan (Muffled)

“And it’s a lot cheaper to have you two clean up the shop than it would be to pay another Wendy - so I need you to come back next summer!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...there it is.”

Stan (Muffled)

“...but forget about all ‘a that! We’re gonna go spend the day havin’ some fun family bondin’ time!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Awesome! What’s the plan?”

Stan (Muffled)

“Originally I was gonna have our first Family Fun Day be…a…family arts an’ crafts project. But I haven’t heard from the guy who gets me the special paper and dyes yet.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Why can’t we just go to the crafts store and pick the stuff up then?”

Stan (Muffled)

“...well…y’see…this project needs…uh…special materials. Or it won’t work.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Sounds exciting!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...sounds illegal.”

Stan (Muffled)

“So instead, I’m takin’ you somewhere where we can have some REAL fun! Now who wants to put on some blindfolds and get into my car?”

Dipper & Mabel (Muffled)

“YAY!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...wait, what?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Lemme just go get something real quick!”

[Quickened footsteps traipse across wooden floors.]

Dipper (Muffled, Growing Distant)

“No seriously - what was that about…”

[The trail of steps works its way up the stairs and past a wooden door before stopping. A pile of plastic objects is quickly rifled through, and something is grabbed. A zipper hums open.]

Mabel

“If we’re gonna be out all day, then I need to bring a back-up tape!”

~ CLICK ~

…

~ CLICK ~

Stan (Muffled)

“Okay, Okay - open ‘em up!”

[The quiet sounds of two pieces of fabric being moved can be heard.]

Stan (Muffled)

“Ta-da! It’s fishin’ season!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Fishing…?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“What’re you playing at, old man?”

Stan (Muffled)

“You’re gonna love it! Technically, we’re a little early for the real start of fishin’ season - but what the Fish & Wildlife Service don’t know won’t hurt me!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“We should’ve brought our bathing suits!”

Stan (Muffled)

“Not a chance! The water in Lake Gravity Falls is disgusting - great for fishin’, terrible for swimmin’. You wanna swim, I’ll take youse to the pool another day.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Aw, man.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...wait, did you say that this was ‘Lake Gravity Falls’...?”

Stan (Muffled)

“...yeah…? What, were ya expectin’ Lake Titicaca?”

[Mabel stifles a chuckle.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“Mabel, a quick word…?”

Stan (Muffled)

“Don’t keep me waitin’ too long - the earlier we get on the water, the better the fish bite!”

[Two sets of footsteps walk over soft earth as a third set begins walking across a wooden dock.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“What’s up, Dippingsauce?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“You remember how we were talking earlier about how Lake Gravity Falls was weird, and how there might be a lake monster swimming around in it…?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Sure, but I don’t see how - ooooooohhhh…”

Dipper (Muffled)

“You see now?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“So what, you’re worried that some sort of sea monster -”

Dipper (Muffled)

“-lake monster-”

Mabel (Muffled)

“-WHATEVER monster - is gonna try to eat us?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Not…exactly…? Like I said earlier, the Author didn’t seem to think there WAS a lake monster - but they said something about the Lake itself being weird…

“...I wish I had time earlier to read about it.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Well, you brought the Journal with you - right?”

[The sounds of a book being removed from a fabric pocket can be heard.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“Just read it while Grunkle Stan is doing all of his boring fishing stuff!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Mabel, I’m not sure that I trust Grunkle Stan with the Journal. He doesn’t seem to believe in any of this stuff - he’ll probably just take it from me to ‘keep me from getting dumb ideas’!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Okay, then read it quick now!”

Stan (Muffled, Distant)

“Come on, kids! Time’s a wastin’!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...guess we’re out of time for that.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Well, maybe we can just investigate the lake on our own?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“But we don’t even know what we’re looking for!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“We’ll figure it out - we did with the gnomes, didn’t we?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Only after you almost got turned into gnome fertilizer, I almost died, and Wendy got sent to the hospital!”

Stan (Muffled, Distant)

“You kids get lost or somethin’? Hurry up!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“COMING!

“Relax, Dipper - all we’re doing is fishing. We’ll be fine!”

[The two sets of footsteps make their return trip across the soil, eventually hitting the wood of a dock before abruptly stopping.]

Stan (Muffled)

“So, whaddya two think of the Stan O’ War? Pretty classy ride, eh?”

Dipper (Quiet, Muffled)

“...still think we’re gonna be fine…?”

Mabel (Quiet, Muffled)

“I take it back.”

Stan (Muffled)

“Eh? You two say somethin’ to me?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Nope!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Just talking to ourselves!”

Stan (Muffled)

“Gimme a minute - I forgot to put in my hearin’ aid.”

[A hand can be heard rifling through a pocket for something briefly, before sliding out something plastic.]

Stan (Muffled)

“...there we go, much better!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“You have a hearing aid?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“I’ve never seen you wear it before.”

Stan (Muffled)

“You’ve never seen me outside of the house before - I don’t like to wear it at home.”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Wouldn’t it be more helpful to wear it all the time…?”

Stan (Muffled)

“I ain’t that deaf - and let’s see YOU try to have some uncomfortable piece of junk crammed in your ear all the time!

“Now let’s go - we’re losin’ valuable family bondin’ time!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Grunkle Stan, why do you wanna BOND with us all of a sudden…?”

Stan (Muffled)

“Come on, this is gonna be great! I’ve never had fishin’ buddies before. The guys from the lodge won’t go with me - they don’t ‘like’ or ‘trust’ me.”

Mabel (Quiet, Muffled)

“I think he actually wants to fish with us.”

Stan (Muffled)

“Hey - I know what’ll cheer you sad sacks up.”

[The sounds of two fabric objects being retrieved and placed atop two heads can be heard.]

Stan (Muffled)

“Pow! Pines family fishin’ hats! That’s…that’s hand stitchin’, y’know.”

[The sound of something peeling off of a fabric surface can be heard.]

Stan (Muffled)

“It’s just gonna be you, me, and those goofy hats on a boat for ten hours!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Ten hours?!?”

Stan (Muffled)

“I brought the joke book…!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Grunkle Stan, there is NO way I trust THAT boat to stay intact enough for ten hours straight!”

[Stan gasps incredulously.]

Stan (Muffled)

“How DARE you insult the Stan O’ War! It’s my pride and joy!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Yeah, well your ‘pride and joy’ is gonna send us on a one-way trip to the bottom of the lake!”

Stan (Muffled)

“What is WITH you two today - it’s just a lake! Ya scared of water or somethin’?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Dipper’s pretty sure that there’s a big sea monster -”

Dipper (Muffled)

“-LAKE monster-”

Mabel (Muffled)

“-WHATEVER - living in the lake!”

Stan (Muffled)

“...really, kid?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“It’s not even the lake monster! I’m pretty sure the Lake itself is paranormal!”

Stan (Muffled)

“Where do you get these cockamamy ideas, kid? I’ve told you before - the monster schtick is just a con for the tourists! There’s NO MONSTERS in the town, the woods, or the damn lake!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“But what about the other day with the gnomes? And Wendy going to the hospital?”

Stan (Muffled)

“Kid, I dunno where you went that day - but it’s clear you’re just lyin’ to me about what you were actually doin’! And I ain’t no snitch, so as long as youse two come back alive an’ well, I don’t give a crap! But that doesn’t mean I have to believe your crazy stories!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“I don’t CARE if you believe us or not! I’m not getting on that death trap of a boat - end of story!”

[Footsteps begin approaching across the wooden dock.]

Stan (Muffled)

“Why I oughta…!”

Soos (Muffled)

“ ‘Sup, dudes! What’s my favorite family in the Falls doin’ out on the Lake today?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“SOOS!”

Stan (Muffled)

“...Soos?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“What are you doing here?”

Soos (Muffled)

“Fishing season’s starting next week, so I’m here to give the S.S. Cool Dude a test drive to make sure it’s ready!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“You have a boat?”

Stan (Muffled)

“...the heck did you get the money for a boat?”

Soos (Muffled)

“Technically it’s Abuelita’s - Grandpa was the one who bought it. She wanted to sell it a while back, but I convinced her to keep it so I can use it!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Where is it?”

Soos (Muffled)

“Right over there, dude!”

Dipper (Quiet, Muffled)

“...that certainly looks sturdier than Stan’s dinghy…”

Mabel (Quiet, Muffled)

“...and it would be a lot more fun hanging out with Soos all day than listening to Grunkle Stan’s stupid jokes…”

Stan (Muffled)

“Hey knuckleheads! I can hear you this time!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Soos! Can we join you on your boat?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“We’re trying to investigate paranormal activity on the Lake!”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Yeah! We wanna go on a monster hunt!”

Soos (Muffled)

“Dude, you could totally use my boat for your hunt! It’s got a steering wheel, chairs - normal boat stuff.”

Stan (Muffled)

“Alright, alright; let’s think this through. Ya kids COULD waste your time on some ‘epic monster-finding adventure’, OR you could spend the day learnin’ how to tie knots and skewer worms with your Great Uncle Stan!”

[There is a brief beat of silence before three sets of footfalls begin walking off the dock, across the grass, and onto a much sturdier dock - before quickly climbing up onto the wooden deck of a boat.]

Stan (Muffled, Distant)

“So, whaddya say?!?”

[The engine of a boat turns on, and the sounds of water being cut through by a boat’s keel can be heard. The wind picks up on the tape. Mabel and Dipper begin laughing with joy and excitement.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“We made the right choice!”

Soos (Muffled)

“YES!”

Stan (Muffled, Distant)

“INGRATES!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Hoist the anchor!”

[Something heavy is pulled from out of the water.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“Raise the flag!”

[Something fabric begins flapping in the wind.]

Mabel (Muffled)

“We’re gonna find that sea monster!”

Dipper (Muffled)

“...or whatever else is going on with this Lake!”

Soos (Muffled)

“Do any of you dudes have sunscreen?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“We’re gonna…go get sunscreen…!”

Mabel & Soos (Muffled)

“YAY!”

Soos (Muffled)

“So what’re we looking for anyways, dudes?”

Dipper (Muffled)

“Not sure yet - I still need to finish reading that Journal page.”

Mabel (Muffled)

“Well, you have the time now - start reading!”

[A book is pulled out from its ‘holster’.]

Dipper (Muffled)

“Can do!

“In the meantime, Mabel - did you bring a fresh tape?”

Mabel (Muffled)

“I did! I’ll swap it in now!” 

[A zipper hums open, and something plastic is removed from a fabric container.]

Dipper

“Just hold off on starting it until we’re ready to actually start the investigation.”

Mabel

“No problem, Bro-Bro!”

~ CLICK ~

For most of the surface of Lake Gravity Falls, the dark and sickly juniper color of its waters is still enough to offer a twisted mirror of the sky above - turning it into something otherworldly. But where the ripples of the S.S. Cool Dude’s wake smashes the facade of this false mirror, the reflection of the empty sky is shattered into something twisted and wrong - a green-blue cloudless storm that threatens to tear one to shreds with its violent patterns. But these ripples pass quickly, dispelling the chaotic contortions back to the empty void of the open air.

Though our three would-be adventurers remain oblivious to the effects that their wake has on their surroundings - it does not go unnoticed. The frustrated Grunkle of the twins has his boat rocked uncomfortably in the waves - not due to their ferocity, but due to the fragility of the Stan O’ War itself; much like the ego of its captain.

But their Grunkle is not the one who notices the distorted visuals created by this artificial tide. Rather, it is something deep, deep below the surface which takes careful note of this disturbance.

And as it begins to follow, it shifts the currents themselves with its bulk.

…

~ CLICK ~

Unidentified, Booming, Gale-Like Voice

“Yhp wwpgea dnbb bpebrx mptn gt eyeme Sr ettrws - qzz okewp lvjs zytl zam bnsnntem Qkxx.”

~ CLICK ~

Chapter Text

Tape 7

Stubb’s Eleventh

Lake Gravity Falls is a hungry thing - constantly thirsting for more water to retain its depths. To this end, Mother Nature has provided the Lake a tributary worthy of its reputation - a mighty waterfall, constantly pouring sustaining water into its gaping maw. The never-ending supply of water crashes down onto the Lake with fury at all hours of the day; a raging attempt to sate the Lake’s endless thirst.

It is not just water for which the Lake hungers, however. Though the Lake remains a source of summer entertainment for locals and visitors alike - none dare swim in its depths. For it would not be the first time that the Lake took a poor soul into its depths - nor the last. The Lake is a starving thing, after all - and there is always more room for bodies in its dark depths.

But only a few souls have ventured out onto the water on this day - and all protected by carefully maintained driftwood atop the water’s surface. Stan Pines was one of these souls - at first. But without the company of the twins he brought hoping to bond with, and no other people to bother this day; it was not long before he gave up and returned to his car. He would play some tunes and wait out the kids; they’d be back soon - he was sure of it.

The kids and their friend Soos had no such plans, however. They were on the hunt for something fantastical and possibly dangerous, after all - and the call of adventure sung sweet siren songs to their ears. Eager to begin their hunt, they prepared their team for the excitement ahead.

~ CLICK ~

[The sounds of waves lapping against the bow of a ship can be heard alongside a gentle breeze.]

Mabel

“...okay, it’s running!”

Dipper

“Thank you, Mabel.

“Dipper Pines, Investigation Log 3.”

Mabel

“...is THIS what you’re doing with your tapes…?”

Dipper

“...yeah…?”

Mabel

“Lame!”

Dipper

“Lame or not - it’s important!

“...I should probably mention you guys, huh? Recording made alongside Mabel Pines -”

Mabel

“Heyoo!”

Dipper

“...and Soos Ramirez.”

Soos

“ ‘Sup, tape dudes!”

Dipper

“We are currently aboard a ship navigating the waters of Lake Gravity Falls - it wasn’t initially my plan to come out and investigate this anomaly, but circumstances beyond our control forced us here.”

Mabel

“I still can’t believe Grunkle Stan thought that a fishing trip would be fun…”

Dipper

“...regardless, we’ve ended up here now. By chance, I was reading the page in the Journal talking about the Lake just before we got whisked away here - and based on the Author’s observations of it, it seems that the Lake itself is anomalous.”

Soos

“That monster thing you were talking about earlier, right dude?”

Mabel

“Yeah! The sea monster -”

Dipper

“- lake monster, and not quite. The Journal mentions some sort of urban legend in the town about a ‘Gobblewonker’ - something like the Loch Ness Monster, apparently; but the Author never found it. They seem to think it’s just a legend.”

Mabel

“But if the lake monster -”

Dipper

“- sea monst…wait a minute -”

Mabel

“Gotcha! HA!

“...but seriously; if that Gobbly-thingy isn’t real, then what are we out here for?”

Dipper

“When the Author was trying to find the Gobblewonker, they did a scan of the lake. Apparently, the Lake doesn’t have a bottom!”

Mabel

“So…what? Are we gonna jump into the water and see how deep we can go or something…? ‘Cause neither of us brought our bathing suits, and I doubt my sweater will like being soaked in gross lake water - I’d rather not!”

Soos

“I second not swimming in the Lake - no one’s supposed to swim in Lake Gravity Falls; it’s like, against the unwritten rules dude.”

Dipper

“Nobody’s swimming in the Lake! Besides, I’m pretty sure we’d need diving gear or something to go deep enough.”

Mabel

“So then what ARE we doing?!?”

Dipper

“Give me a minute to explain! That wasn’t the only thing that the Author found - there’s also a bunch of cave systems hiding under the water -”

Mabel

“- but that means we would still have to -”

Dipper

“- INCLUDING, one behind the waterfall!”

Mabel

“Secret waterfall cave?!? AWESOME!”

Soos

“Dudes, if my life as a gamer has taught me anything - it’s that secret caves always hold the coolest loot! But sometimes also a secret boss that’s harder than anything else you’ve faced so far.”

Mabel

“We beat the giant gnome thingy - whatever’s back there, I’m sure we can take it on! Does the Journal say anything about the cave?”

Dipper

“Besides the fact that it exists? Not that I’ve found - the Author said that they’d come back and investigate it sometime later, but apparently they never did. Which means we’ll probably be the first people to ever set foot in that cave - who knows what we’ll find!”

Mabel

“Maybe it’s a secret mermaid grotto!”

Soos

“Or some mad scientist’s secret lab!”

Mabel

“Or a cave filled with horse-sized spiders!”

Dipper

“...let’s hope it’s not that last one.

“Soos! Let’s go find ourselves a mystery!”

Soos

“Aye-aye, dude!”

[A boat’s engine can be heard kicking into gear, followed by the sounds of a ship sailing through calm waters.]

Dipper

“...seriously, where’d you get the spider thing from…?”

Mabel

“Just the first thing that popped into the ol’ noggin!”

Dipper

“...why…?”

Mabel

“Not every idea I have can be all sparkles all the time! I am a three-dimensional woman!”

Dipper

“...fair enough, I guess…?”

Mabel

“Well, what about you? Any hopes on what we’re gonna find in there?”

Dipper

“Not anything specific. All I wanna do is help uncover all of Gravity Falls’s hidden secrets - it doesn’t really matter what we find, only that we find it.”

Mabel

“You don’t even have a guess?”

Dipper

“I’d rather not.”

Mabel

“But that’s boring!”

Dipper

“Maybe - but at least this way I’m not building up any expectations without any evidence. For all we know, it’s just a boring old cave!”

Mabel

“Dipper, we fought a giant made out of gnomes a few days ago - do you REALLY think that this is gonna be a bust?”

Dipper

“Oh, no - I DEFINITELY think we’re gonna find something. But all we know right now is that there’s a cave - no point in building up fake monsters in our heads just before we might find a REAL one.”

Mabel

“...you’re so serious lately - we’re on a MONSTER HUNT! Is that not the COOLEST thing?!? Lighten up and have some fun!”

[Faintly, the sound of crashing water can begin to be heard - steadily growing.]

Dipper

“Don’t get me wrong - I’m super excited! But last time we found a monster, it went REAL bad. I want this to be fun just as much as you do - but we have to play it carefully!”

Mabel

“...yeah, I guess I see your point. Just so long as you don’t let all this seriousness suck the fun out of it!”

Dipper

“I won’t.”

Soos

“Waterfall ahead, dudes!”

[The engine of the ship cuts out, as the roar of falling water begins to dominate the background noise.]

Dipper

“We’re here.”

Mabel

“...doesn’t look like anything special.”

Dipper

“Like I said - there’s always the chance it isn’t. But I doubt we’ll find nothing.

“...there’s no local legends about the waterfall or anything, is there Soos?”

Soos

“None that I’ve heard of, dudes.”

Dipper

“...time to discover one, then. Take us through, Soos!”

Soos

“...you sure we should just drive on through, dude? We don’t even know for sure that there’s anything on the other side - don’t wanna be crashing into a cliff expecting a cave!”

Dipper

“...fair point. Any ideas on how to check?”

Soos

“We could throw something through it?”

Dipper

“The waterfall’s pretty loud - I don’t know if we’d be able to tell what anything we threw was hitting on the other side.”

Mabel

“...wait, I have an idea!”

[Rustling is heard as Mabel retrieves something from within one of her pockets. A metal click sounds briefly, immediately preceding the sounds of something being fired and the sounds of something being unspooled.]

Soos

“Where’dja get that sick grappling hook?!?”

Mabel

“Grunkle Stan gave it to me!”

Dipper

“...why did you fire a grappling hook through a waterfall…?”

Mabel

“Shh!”

[A few moments pass, with the only audible sounds being the waterfall’s crash and the continued unspooling until the sounds of a mechanism locking up can be heard.]

Mabel

“There we go! Look at the rope - it’s fully taught! And the hook didn’t bounce off of anything and come back, either!”

Dipper

“...which means that it didn’t hit anything on the other side of the waterfall!”

Mabel

“Exactly - so we’re good to go!”

Soos

“Quick thinking there, Hambone!”

Dipper

“Take us through, Soos - nice and easy!”

Soos

“Aye, aye!”

[The ship’s engine kicks back on - but on a lower power. The crashing of falling water gets louder.]

Soos

“You dudes might wanna take cover - it’s about to get real wet!”

[Two small sets of footfalls rush to get to cover as water begins loudly impacting the wooden deck for several long moments. Something begins softly alarming below deck, and a second quieter motor can be heard kicking on.]

Dipper

“...what’s that noise…?”

Soos

“Just the bilge pump, dude! Nothing to worry about.”

[After another brief moment, the water stops splashing against the deck - returning to the slightly more serene violence of the roaring of the waterfall.]

[But there is now an odd quality to the reverberations of the crashing water - a hollow and dull echoing quality that underlies every sound.]

Soos (Echoing Slightly)

“Made it through! Guess that book was telling the truth after all, dudes!”

Mabel (Echoing Slightly)

“It’s so dark in here…”

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“Got a flashlight aboard, Soos?”

Soos (Echoing Slightly)

“Pretty sure - check the toolbox and the emergency kit.”

[The sounds of two containers being swiftly pillaged can be heard, as the bilge pump ceases pumping and alarming.]

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“Nothing in the toolbox…”

Mabel (Echoing Slightly)

“Found one in the emergency kit!”

Soos (Echoing Slightly)

“Guess I only got the one, dudes.”

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“We’ll stick together, then. Light us up, Mabel!”

[A small click - and in response, the dull rhythmic slapping of something soft against wet stone can briefly be heard echoing in the distance.]

Mabel (Echoing Slightly)

“Oooooh, spooky!”

Soos (Echoing Slightly)

“Looks like a cliff up ahead. Don’t think the boat’s gonna take us much further.”

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“See if you can find a shoreline we can park at.”

[Relative silence for most of the next few moments - only briefly interrupted once again by the quickened sounds of soft matter impacting wet stone.]

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“...did you guys hear that…?”

Soos (Echoing Slightly)

“Just the waterfall, dude.”

Mabel (Echoing Slightly)

“Same here.

“...there! Should be low enough for us to park up ahead.”

Soos (Echoing Slightly)

“And we can moor the boat to one of those spiky rocks!”

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“...just keep your guard up. Something doesn’t feel right…”

[The boat drives forward for a few moments, stopping not long after.]

[A board can be heard hitting wood and stone, followed by three sets of footfall walking across it. Several moments pass of footsteps against stone before a rope can be heard being tied taut.]

Soos (Echoing Slightly)

“Boat secured, dudes!”

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“Good. Anything up ahead, Mabel?”

Mabel (Echoing Slightly)

“Not that I’ve seen. Were you not looking too?”

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“...l’m trying to listen - I wanna see if I hear that noise again.”

Soos (Echoing Slightly)

“...dude, do you think it’s a monster or something?”

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“Hard to tell - I didn’t hear it too well. But considering we found this out from the Journal…?”

Mabel (Echoing Slightly)

“We’ll be careful. Now let’s get movin’ - we’ve got a cave monster to find!”

[Three sets of footsteps creep their way across the wet stone of the cavern floor. The omnipresent crash of the waterfall slowly dulls to a gentle roar as it gets further away. Drips of water can occasionally be heard splashing onto the cavern floor or into the bay of the cave.]

[A minute or so of this relative peace passes, before the strange sound makes itself known again - but this time; its source is much closer by. Without the deep echoes of the cave, it sounds much more like the scrambling steps of a man-sized creature.]

Dipper (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“You guys heard it that time, right…?”

Mabel (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“...yep…”

Soos (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“...that wasn’t too far away…”

Mabel (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“Are we being followed…?”

Dipper (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“I don’t think so - it sounded like it was further up ahead.”

Mabel (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“So either something’s actively hiding from us -”

Dipper (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“- or we’re being watched. Probably both.”

Soos (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“I don’t like this, dudes…!”

Dipper (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“Whatever it is, it doesn’t seem to want to attack us. At least not yet. Stay alert.”

[For the next minute or two, the three can be heard creeping forward across the moist cavern floor ever cautiously - occasionally stopping as something unseen scrambles around them.]

Mabel (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“...looks like the cavern opens up ahead.”

Soos (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“You dudes sure we shouldn’t turn around…? We could come back more prepared another day…!”

Dipper (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“No point in turning around now - whatever’s here with us knows that we’re here. If we leave, it just gives it time to cover its tracks.”

[A sudden scurrying sound - close and loud. Mabel yelps.]

Dipper (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“What happened?!?”

Mabel (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“It passed in front of me!”

Soos (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“Dudes, I don’t like this…!”

Dipper (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“Did you see it?”

Mabel (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“I didn’t get a good look, but it almost looked human…!”

[More scampering - but further away.]

Dipper (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“Down that way - see if you can light it up!”

[Mabel screams, and the sounds of heavy plastic clattering on a stone surface can be heard.]

Dipper (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“What’s wrong?!?”

Mabel (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“Big lizardy thing…!”

Soos (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“The monster…?!?”

[Something breaks into a mad dash towards the tape recorder.]

Mabel (Echoing Slightly)

“It’s coming!”

[The scampering gets closer as one set of footsteps dashes to the side.]

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“The flashlight - GRAB THE FLASHLIGHT!”

[Another set of running feet breaks in the direction of something. Plastic scrapes against stone, and the scampering rapidly changes directions. A button is clicked.]

Unknown Man (Erratic, Echoing Slightly)

“Y’all won’t be needin’ none a’ that…!”

Dipper (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“Damnit!”

Soos (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“I didn’t realize how dark it’d gotten, dudes…!”

Unknown Man (Erratic, Echoing Slightly)

“C’ain’t be havin’ the s’prise spoilt too soon, then they won’t see…!”

Soos (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“Dudes, I signed up for knock-off Jaws, not a slasher movie!”

Mabel (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“Dipper…!”

Dipper (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“Stay focused - we’ll make it out of this…!”

Unknown Man (Erratic, Echoing Slightly)

“And if they ain’t seein’, then I ain’t seen…but I know I done seen it - so they gotta see…!”

Dipper (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“...see if you can figure out which way it’s coming from…”

Unknown Man (Erratic, Echoing Slightly)

“...did I done seen it…? I don’t ‘member seein’ nothin’ - but I KNOW I done heard somethin’, felt somethin’, smelt somethin’! So why ain’t I done no seein’...?”

Mabel (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“Whoever this is, they’re crazy…!”

Soos (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“...wait a minute…”

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“...who are you - what do you want…?”

[Something scampers in an unknown direction.]

Unknown Man (Erratic, Echoing Slightly)

“...you ain’t seen nothin’ have ya, boy…?”

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“...what…?”

Soos (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“...dudes, I know this is gonna sound crazy - but I swear I’ve heard that voice before…”

Unknown Man (Erratic, Echoing Slightly)

“SEEN IT, BOY - HAVE YOU SEEN IT?!?”

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

[A gasp from the dark - then more scampering.]

Unknown Man (Erratic, Echoing Slightly)

“If he ain’t seen nothin’ neither, then how am I s’posed to know what I done seen…?”

Dipper (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“He’s keeping on the move - hard to pin where he’s coming from…!”

Mabel (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“It’s better than nothing - keep him talking!”

Dipper (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“How am I supposed to talk to this guy?!?”

Mabel (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“...fine, lemme try…!”

Mabel (Echoing Slightly)

“Hi there, mister - seems like you need a bit of help!”

[More scampering - like prey being circled.]

Unknown Man (Erratic, Echoing Slightly)

“...maybe you done seen it then, eh girly?”

Mabel (Echoing Slightly)

“Oh, I’ve seen lots of things! You’ll have to be more specific.”

Unknown Man (Erratic, Echoing Slightly)

“I seen things too, by golly!

“...least, I think I done did…

“...what did you see…?”

Mabel (Echoing Slightly)

“Just the other day, there were a bunch of these weird mushroomy gnome guys, they were -”

[A startled shout.]

Unknown Man (Erratic, Echoing Slightly)

“Smell o’ mildew, screamin’ children, rendin’ squelch o’ rot from the bone, the march of oozin’ feet ‘gainst the forest floor…!”

[Another short scream from the crazed man, followed by a panicked scamper.]

Unknown Man (Erratic, Echoing Slightly)

“...but I cain’t see none! Feel the feelin’, hear the screams, but I cain’t see…!”

Mabel (Echoing Slightly)

“...I’m sorry to hear that…”

Unknown Man (Erratic, Echoing Slightly)

“...so much time, so much gone…”

Mabel (Echoing Slightly)

“...what DID you see then…?”

Unknown Man (Erratic, Echoing Slightly)

“...a blindin’ flash - but no light…!”

Dipper (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“...this is going nowhere.”

Soos (Whispered, Echoing Slightly)

“I know I’ve heard his voice before - it’s on the tip of my tongue, dudes…!”

[The crazy man runs further down the cavern.]

Unknown Man (Erratic, Echoing Slightly)

“But I know I done seen somethin’...! Somethin’ frightful, somethin’ deep, somethin’ big, Big, BIG…!”

Mabel (Echoing & Trembling Slightly)

“...something lizardy…?”

[A gasp from afar.]

Unknown Man (Erratic, Echoing Slightly)

“That’s it, THAT’S IT! You done seen it too, ain’tcha?!?”

Mabel (Echoing & Trembling Slightly)

“...maybe…? I’m not sure…”

Unknown Man (Erratic, Echoing Slightly)

“Then I’ll show ya, by reckon’! An’ if you done seen it, then I done seen it, an’ then I can see that I done seen it too!”

[A mad cackle emanates from the crazed man’s throat as he scurries away in the dark.]

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“...what was with that guy…?”

Soos (Echoing Slightly)

“...I GOT IT! That was Old Man McGucket!”

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“Old Man McGucket…?”

Soos (Echoing Slightly)

“Local crazy guy. Think he lives in the town dump - wonder why he’s in this cave…?”

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“...well, THAT was a waste of time. Pretty sure he stole Soos’s flashlight, too.”

[Mabel gasps, then someone begins to slowly step backwards.]

Mabel (Echoing & Trembling Slightly)

“...uh…guys…? We gotta go…!”

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“Yeah, I guess there’s no point going on without a light source -”

Mabel (Echoing & Trembling Slightly)

“- no, I mean right now!”

Soos (Echoing Slightly)

“Everything alright, hambone…?”

Mabel (Echoing & Trembling Slightly)

“You remember how I saw some sort of big lizard thing further down in the cave…?”

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“...yeah…?”

[Something mechanical begins to groan to life.]

Mabel (Echoing & Trembling Slightly)

“And you know how McGucket just went further down in the cave to ‘show us something’...?”

[Something huge begins lumbering down the cavern.]

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“...um…we should probably -”

[The sounds of a floodlight humming to life.]

McGucket (Over a Loudspeaker, Echoing Slightly)

“DO YOU SEE NOW?!? DO YOU?!?”

Mabel (Echoing Slightly)

“RUN!”

[The trio can be heard breaking into a blind sprint as something gives out a great roar - only for the great stomping thing to run behind them in pursuit.]

Soos (Echoing Slightly)

“At least those big glowing eyes lit up the cave!”

Mabel (Echoing Slightly)

“We didn’t go that far in the cave - it can’t be that much further!”

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“...SOOS, MOVE!”

[Soos gasps, followed by the sounds of someone diving out of the way of something. Immediately following, heavy steel slams into the stone cavern floor.]

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“SOOS!”

[Someone quickly scrambles to their feet and begins running again.]

Soos (Echoing Slightly)

“Too close, dudes!”

Mabel (Echoing Slightly)

“MCGUCKET! We see it too - you can stop now!”

McGucket (Over a Loudspeaker, Echoing Slightly)

“T’aint enough to SEE, ya gotta FEEL it too - ‘lest you cain’t truly see, and if y’all don’t SEE, then I cain’t SEE ‘neither!”

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“THE BOAT - up ahead!”

Soos (Echoing Slightly)

“C’mon, dudes - get on; go, go, go!”

[Three sets of footsteps rush aboard a wooden plank and onto a wooden deck, with the last kicking the board away as they cross.]

Mabel (Echoing Slightly)

“It’s still coming…!”

Dipper (Echoing Slightly)

“Soos - hurry up and get the boat started!”