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English
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Published:
2025-01-31
Updated:
2025-09-18
Words:
14,690
Chapters:
5/6
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46
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158
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One More Light (A Moment Is All We Are)

Summary:

Leo is the one who’s supposed to sacrifice. Not his little brother. Never his little brother.

There’s so much blood. Leo’s kneepads are soaked with it, his skin sticky and wet from where he kneels in the pool of crimson. His brother’s blood.

Raph’s blood.

 

(If you stick around until the ending, it’s worth it.)

Notes:

I haven’t seen much of the 2012 TMNT but I hope the characters read well anyway.

Probably set post-series (excluding the Apocalypse AU arc😂)

Also, this fic is strictly brotherly love, nothing else.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: One More Light Goes Out (In the Sky of a Million Stars)

Notes:

“I hope you never learn how fragile you are.”
“I’m not fragile.”
“We are all fragile. That is what we learn in war.” - Kristin Hannah, the Nightingale

Chapter Text

It’s not supposed to be like this.

Never, ever like this.

Not here, not now, not him.

Leo is the oldest. The leader. Leo has the training, the responsibility, the weight of that mantle to carry. It’s his job to sacrifice when nothing else works. His job is to protect the others—his brothers his family he’s nothing without them—no matter the cost.

Leo is the one who’s supposed to sacrifice. Not his little brother. Never his little brother.

There’s so much blood. Leo’s kneepads are soaked with it, his skin sticky and wet from where he kneels in the pool of crimson. His brother’s blood.

Raph’s blood.

Leo fights the terrible burning that’s slowly igniting in his chest. He can’t breathe right, his lungs spasm without rhythm or mercy and each gasp is caught in his throat. His heart thuds so relentlessly it might as well be defective, pounding against his ribs like it wants out of his body. He might be on the verge of a panic attack but he can’t because if he has one he’ll drop his arms and he can’t drop his arms because he’s holding his little brother.

Oh God, that’s his little brother bleeding out in his arms.

Raph is grimacing but other than that he’s showing no outward signs of pain. Leo might be losing his mind from that little fact, because how can Raph not be in pain right now?

A spurt of blood bubbles between Leo’s fingers when Raph wheezes, and the sound of it makes Leo want to vomit.

“W-why did you do that?” Leo chokes on his own question, voice cracking as he forces the words out of his tight throat.

They’d been taking care of a meager street gang. Nothing too serious or dangerous. It was supposed to be a milk run. Something to keep them sharp and practiced. An easy takedown.

Leo hadn’t seen the gun.

Raph had.

And now…

Oh god, now…

Leo inhales shakily, trying to quell the way his stomach is twisting.

This can’t…this can’t be happening…

Raph’s eyes are aimless, tired, weary as they rove to and fro. He’d fallen so fast…

Leo waits until his brother’s brilliant green eyes find him again to try a reassuring smile. Because that’s what Leo does. He comforts his brothers. Makes sure they’re ok. Tells them it’ll be all right. Even when it’s a lie.

Raph smiles back, it’s lopsided and out of place and completely defies the gravity of this whole situation. Raph’s always been that way though; he never was one to stick to the rules.

Leo tries to fight back the tears pooling in his eyes when Raph reaches for his hand. Leo gently lays Raph’s shell on his legs, and takes his brother’s hand. Raph’s grip is firm—so strong he’s always been strong, he’s stronger than any of them—but his skin is cold. Leo ignores the spike of fear that shoots through him at the clammy way his brother’s skin feels, and focuses on the pulse in Raph’s wrist.

And whirling against his tidal wave of emotion shines a single, cohesive thought. Because, when was the last time they’d openly shown affection like this?

Mostly, they fight. It’s just what they do. They’re the two older brothers. They clash, gripe and tease each other. They love each other with a fierceness that rivals even Donnie and Mikey’s bond. But showing open affection has never really been either of their strong suits.

Leo holds his brother close, trying desperately to stop the bleeding, and wishes that he had tried harder to show that he cares.

Raph finds his eyes again, and a bit of clarity seeps back into those green hues. His little brother smiles again—and it’s peaceful, accepting, and it’s terrifying—before sighing, “Big bro.”

“Hey Raph.” Leo’s voice wobbles and he tries to make himself sound reassuring. All he manages is a fearful tilt, bordering on panic.

Raph’s blood is sticky as it pours between his fingers.

“Y-you’re going to be ok, alright?” Leo nods more to convince himself than Raph, “Just hold on. Donnie’s coming, and Mikey too. They’ll be here soon.”

Raph nods but when he blinks it’s like something has faded. His usual emerald irises are darker, dull behind fluttering eyelids. Leo pushes just a little bit harder on the wound, as though maybe more pressure can put the blood back where it belongs. Raph gasps, but it’s weak, only half a wheeze where there should be an explosion of curses and angry retorts.

Raph seems as though he might close his eyes but Leo jostles him. There’s something dark and ominous in the back of his mind, whispering that if he can’t keep those green eyes open, Raph will slip away.

When he speaks, his voice sounds so unlike him, shaky and crackling as he pleads, “Please Raph. Please hold on.”

Raph chuckles breathlessly, and it’s so out of place that Leo pulls back a little. His gut churns uneasily.

“Y’know.” Raph exhales, his smile ever present and soft, “When you were in that coma….I was scared outta my mind.”

“Raph...” Leo croaks out, beak scrunched as he tries to relay in one word all the sorrow he’s felt over that time in his life. For worrying his family so. For failing. For being a burden.

But Raph just shakes his head—even that movement is weak, nothing more than a small incline to one side—brushing aside the regret, “I used to get…so mad….at those stunts you pulled. Self sacrificial….idiot.”

Leo can’t help the wet laugh that tears from his throat. Raph’s lips pull up softly, but before he can say anymore he starts coughing. It’s a harsh, rugged sound, awful as it tears from his little brother’s throat. Leo can barely contain his horror when a stream of blood starts to trickle from the corner of Raph’s mouth. Leo’s hands move frantically to try and quell his brother’s cough, but he can do nothing.

He is helpless to do anything but watch.

Seconds and minutes later—too long, it lasts too long—Raph finally settles. His skin has gone several shades paler; his eyes look so tired. Raph falls back into Leo’s hold bonelessly, exhaustion evident in his raspy gasps.

Leo rubs the back of Raph’s shell with his free hand. He’s pressing harder on the gunshot wound, but Raph isn’t reacting to it anymore. A strange buzzing is starting to ring in the back of Leo’s mind. An understanding, an outcome he’s refusing to acknowledge.

Because this is not happening. He refuses.

Donnie will be here soon.

Everything will be ok.

Raph shifts in his arms, and inhales a shaky, shallow breath to continue, “I get it….now.”

His brother’s next words come out a little more rushed, urgent, like he’s afraid of not finishing, “S’cause you can’t bear it: us being hurt.”

And oh, does that tear through Leo’s heart like butter. He can’t do anything but stare, and when something warm trickles down his cheeks, he doesn’t even notice.

“Glad it’s my turn.” Raph breathes. His eyes are growing dim, breaths coming out shallow and fast.

Leo’s heart skips a beat, and he holds Raph close to his plastron, “Just hold on, you’ll be fine, you’ll be ok, you—“

“Leo.”

Raph’s voice is so soft, so gentle, so unlike Raph that it makes Leo want to scream.

His brother is gazing at him; those green eyes are so, so tired, so peaceful, “S’ok.”

Leo knows what his brother means.

He knows.

But he can’t.

He can’t.

Raph is asking the impossible.

Leo can’t just let him go.

“It’s not.” Leo’s throat constricts, and he holds Raph tight against him.

Raph’s eyes close, and no amount of jostling or shouting will rouse them open. Leo feels like his heart almost stops.

Raph exhales, and whispers, “L’ve y’.”

And Leo can’t breathe. He needs to inhale. He needs to answer his brother because he loves Raph too. And Raph should know. But Leo’s tears are hot, burning things as they carve down his cheeks, and they drown his voice. His lungs constrict painfully against his ribs, and he heaves against the harsh gasps bubbling up from his throat.

And between one breath and the next, Raph is gone. He fades away so quietly. It’s so soft, the way his brother’s body just, relaxes. It’s so calm, so unlike Raph.

So wrong.

And Leo can do nothing to stop it.

All Leo can do is hold Raph close. He holds his brother until the bleeding slows. Until his throat is raw from screaming. Until his tears run out. He holds his brother until the others find them. He holds Raph as Donnie and Mikey crack, breaking open under the weight grief has crushed them with.

Leo holds his brother, and wonders where it went all wrong.