Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The silence of the kitchen had something reassuring about it, almost gentle, like a well-deserved peace.

Abby had been arrested, handcuffs on her wrists, screaming threats from the back of the police car driven by Athena. His heart-mother had made sure he was okay before driving his tormentor to the station. Buck had watched her disappear, and the breath he had been holding for months without even realizing it finally escaped his chest.

Two weeks had passed since the confrontation at the café.

Two weeks during which Eddie had waged a fierce battle for him, and for Tommy. He had mobilized an army of lawyers, experts in criminal law and victim protection.

The file grew heavier day by day, with Tommy's testimony, evidence of harassment, and especially the injuries Buck had sustained. Eddie made sure Abby would pay for what she had done, not only to Buck, but also to Tommy, and to the other victims they had discovered during their research.

Eddie's support was unwavering.

He was not content to be just his boyfriend; he was his protector, his ally, his best friend. He had watched over him, constantly, making sure he felt safe, never taking his eyes off him, as if he was afraid of losing him again.

And for Buck, that was the greatest proof of love there was.

Eddie was no longer the mysterious dominant from the beginning of their story, but a man who was devoted, protective, and above all, loving. And he had to admit, he was also filled with a tenacious desire for revenge.

He hated Abby almost as much as Buck did, maybe even more.

He wanted her to pay, to suffer as much as she had made him suffer. He wouldn't give up, he wouldn't let go, and Buck leaned on him. He just wanted to heal from his painful past and was happy to leave the logistics to his boyfriend.

She would never be able to exert her control over him again.

He felt liberated, but at the same time, he knew he would have to work on the extent of the trauma to heal. Every memory of humiliation, of accidental blows, of hurtful words came to the surface at the most unexpected times and it was difficult to accept that his trust issues came from her.

He was never good enough, never enough.

The shame was still there, of course, but Eddie reassured him that the problem had never been him. It was her, and she didn't deserve any more of his attention. She was now just a scar, a reminder of what he had been through, not a gaping wound.

But he also hadn't forgotten that Abby had threatened the whole team after her arrest, and that she had dared to brave Athena's furious gaze. But Eddie hadn't backed down when she threatened him. He had stepped in and promised her she would never see the light of day again. He hadn't needed to be asked, Eddie had simply taken things in hand, becoming that self-assured man again, dangerous because of his power and money, the one whose gaze no one dared to challenge.

And Buck knew that if by some chance she managed to escape justice, she would no longer be a problem; Eddie would see to it. Buck should have been afraid of his determination, but in reality, he was comforted.

Eddie was protecting him and he seemed to have become a master at it. Buck remembered telling him what had happened, crying like a child, and Eddie had listened, promising that she would never get near him again.

Then, he had been there to listen, letting him decide what he wanted to do or not, yielding to his every desire, and Buck had taken advantage of it... a little. Their relationship was developing in a good way, and Buck was starting to really believe in this idea of being happy forever.

"I'm lucky to have met you," Eddie whispered as they cuddled on the couch.

"Yeah, you've got some serious luck," Buck teased him. "I'm one of a kind."

"You little rascal," he growled. "Should I get out the whip?"

And thank God, Abby's reappearance hadn't in any way diminished their appetite for their particular sexual games.

"Yes, please," he begged in his most effective little voice that didn't sound desperate. Of course not.

"So perfect," Eddie whispered. "And all mine. I'm going to have to make you a Diaz... officially."

"Are you...?" he choked. "Are you asking me to marry you?"

"What if I was?"

"You're going to have to do better than that, Mr. Diaz, I'm a romantic. I want the whole shebang: the romantic dinner, the walk on the beach, the ring on bended knee and the beautiful speech and everything."

"So demanding," Eddie chuckled, pressing his lips to his.

"Don't you feel up to the challenge?" he teased him with a hint of uncertainty in his heart.

"Have I ever given you a reason to think you don't deserve all that? Because you deserve so much more, Evan, so much more. You deserve the world."

"You and Christopher are all I need."

"Good, then I'll take care of what's necessary for my demanding future fiancé."

"I didn't say yes," he reminded him.

"Are you going to say no?"

"You know very well I'm going to say yes."

"Yeah, I know," he smiled, kissing him again.

Buck was at the firehouse, waiting for his shift to begin.

Chimney's coffee, which was nothing like Bobby's, was in his hand. He really didn't like it, but his friend and temporary captain, since Bobby's suspension, would not have forgiven him if he hadn't helped himself.

He looked at his colleagues, his brothers and sisters, as he called them in his head, and he felt safe. The fear that had lived in him for weeks, the fear of seeing her again, of running into her, of enduring her, had gradually faded, giving way to the certainty that this time, it was really over.

He had finally found his place in this world, and he was going to do everything to keep it.

Buck laughed, thinking back to that surreal day. The brownie... he never would have thought that a single bite could send him so far. He remembered that woman who, after a call, wanted to "color their lives" by adding that little touch of LSD.

He remembered laughing, talking too fast, saying things he never would have otherwise confided, all under Eddie's amused but attentive gaze. Eddie had never left his side, making sure he drank water, rested, and didn't get into any trouble.

The team had been affected by this incident, and Bobby, who had been exposed, had been temporarily suspended, after his past as an alcoholic and addict was revealed to their superiors. It was a hard blow, Bobby being a pillar, a father to them all, especially to him.

And Chimney was a terrible captain; he adored him but he was really looking forward to Bobby coming back.

Once he had come down from his high, Buck was surprised to see Eddie's crooked smile, teasing him with a "You were a bad boy..." before adding, in a deeper, warmer voice, that he knew how to punish him as he should.

And that night...

Eddie's punishment had been one of those nights where Buck felt desired, protected, and completely at his lover's mercy. It wasn't a punishment, but an affirmation. An affirmation of their love, their trust, and their unique bond.

The leather collar hadn't been used that night, but its presence was palpable, invisibly present between them. It was pure possession. But a kind that Buck had learned to desire and to love. He had surrendered, trusting in Eddie's strength, patience, and gentleness, and he had loved every second of it.

That day had been a turning point.

Not because of the brownie, or the investigation, but because it was that day that he had realized how much Eddie looked out for him, sometimes even more than he looked out for himself. It was another facet of Eddie's love, a love that cared, that protected, and that never judged.

It was a proof of love and Buck felt more alive than ever.

The incessant buzzing of the sirens had etched itself into his skull, an agonizing background noise that never left him. Los Angeles seemed to be holding its breath since a bomber had been striking, at random or almost, as if he sought to sow fear even before he destroyed. The last bomb, found in front of Athena's house, had been the final blow.

He felt the city vibrate with a muffled anxiety; every call, every departure on a run carried the invisible threat of an explosion, the fear of losing his heart-mother.

And every time, there was Eddie.

Always there, always that hand brushing his shoulder or resting briefly on his forearm, as if to make sure he was really there, whole. Buck heard it, almost like a ritual, that low, deep voice that whispered to him:

"Promise me you'll be careful."

It wasn't a request, not really. It was a prayer, and Buck, each time, nodded, unable to promise anything other than to try. He could see that those words were never enough to soothe the anxiety in his boyfriend's eyes. He had a way of staring at him, as if he was trying to memorize every detail of his face, just in case.

Buck understood that fear.

He, too, sometimes had trouble breathing when he imagined Eddie at his desk, a few feet from a device ready to explode. But he knew that, for Eddie, the risk always seemed greater when it was him approaching it. It was a visceral, almost palpable anxiety that clung to every one of their exchanges.

And yet... despite this constant tension, Eddie had never tried to stop him from doing his job. He watched over him, yes, he always stood a little closer than necessary, but he respected that almost vital need Buck had to be in the field, to save lives. So Buck kept his promises, redoubled his vigilance, and always came back—not just for himself, but because he knew that somewhere, Eddie was counting the seconds until his return.

That day, the call came in the middle of their shift, an accident that required them to get the fire engine out. Chimney gave him his place in the front of the truck and rushed into the ambulance. Buck liked sitting in the front without driving.

It made him feel alive.

He watched the streets scroll by in the dark, the wind caressing his face. He was looking forward to seeing how Eddie would manage to propose to him. He had felt it, two days earlier, when Eddie wrapped a string around his ring finger while he was sleeping and he had seen the felt-tip mark that had gone over onto his skin.

Eddie was putting in a lot of effort, and Buck loved that.

Buck didn't hear the explosion, just as he didn't feel the blast, but he felt himself thrown into the truck, hitting his head on the roof and biting his tongue hard enough to taste blood.

The explosion threw him to the ground with incredible violence, his face against the asphalt. A dull sound filled his ears, a deafening whistle. The pain was immediate, intense, like a burning fire in his leg.

He was lying on his stomach, dazed, unable to move. He didn't understand what had just happened. He tried to crawl on the ground but he screamed in pain as he realized his leg was pinned, crushed by the fire truck.

How was that possible?

What crazy person would blow up a fire truck?

Then he heard that cold, threatening voice, addressing him, asking who he was as if he was surprised to see him there. A young man with what appeared to be an explosive device, and Buck understood that it was the bomber who was there, a few feet away, like a sinister shadow. Buck felt terror seep into him, that fear of seeing his life end here in the middle of a Los Angeles street when he was only doing his job.

Dying in the line of duty was a risk he had chosen to take, but he didn't want to die now, and especially not like this, a victim of a lunatic. Of a madman who was screaming, calling out for his captain, but not Chimney—he wanted to see Bobby, he wanted to kill Bobby. Just like he had tried to kill Athena.

He refused to let him kill his adoptive parents; he wanted to protect them. He could only think about that. Anything to not endure this pain, this slow agony, anything to not scream or cry in front of the television cameras he saw and who were certainly filming him in a close-up for the evening news. He only hoped that Maddie, Eddie, and Christopher weren't watching television.

"Captain Nash," the young man screamed again. "I want to see Captain Robert Nash or I'm blowing everything up."

"Do it!" he spat, tears of pain clouding his eyes.

"What did you say?"

"Captain Nash is my father, so go ahead, kill me, but don't mess with my parents."

"I want him to die, like my father died. It's his fault I lost him, but seeing you suffer will make him come faster."

He crushed his hand with his heel, making him scream in pain.

He was almost sure it was broken, the pain radiating from his hand so intensely. At least he could focus on that and forget how much his leg was hurting.

"Stop," Bobby suddenly yelled, approaching with his hands in the air.

Buck wanted to cry in despair. He didn't want him to hurt him; he didn't want the people he loved so much to be killed. He would rather go in their place.

"I'm here, you see?" he continued. "Please, don't hurt him anymore."

"Bobby...," he choked.

"It's going to be okay, Buck, stay calm, it's going to be okay."

"You shouldn't make him false promises. I'm going to kill both of you."

Buck wanted to cry, but he felt the cold and fatigue creeping in. He was far too exhausted to fight. He rested his head on the ground, hearing nothing but fragments of voices. All Buck wanted was for the pain to stop, for this nightmare to end.

He closed his eyes, letting himself sink.

"Evan, carino, stay with me."

He forced his eyes open at the sound of his boyfriend's voice. He felt his hand in his and he squeezed his fingers to come back to him.

"Eds..."

"I'm here, Evan, I'm here."

"...hurt..."

"I know, carino, they're going to get you out of there and then we'll go to the hospital."

Buck heard them bustling around him and he knew the truck wouldn't move, that the only way to get him out would be to amputate.

He refused with all his might.

"Don't let them... take my... leg."

"I promise you," Eddie whispered.

Buck allowed himself a smile, and even though Eddie was very worried, he was so beautiful. Around them, the team was working to get him out of this hell.

But the truck was completely crushing his leg. He screamed with every attempt to pull him out, losing consciousness for a few seconds.

He opened his eyes when he was tilted onto the gurney. Eddie was there, his eyes filled with tears. He was by his side, and Buck felt Eddie's hand still in his.

He felt a new wave of pain wash over him. The gurney was rolling, Eddie's voice, broken, echoed in his ears before he suddenly plunged into darkness.

"I love you, Evan," he thought he heard.

Then he sank into nothingness.

TO BE CONTINUED...