Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"HELLOOOOOO, LOYAL VIEWERS!" A large, blue-skinned man with a swirly beard yelled into the camera. He donned a glamourous golden tuxedo (complete with top hat) that made his presence very, very clear, and he had a massive smile taking up half his face. He was surrounded by trees, grass, and mountains all around him.

"Some of you Disney buffs may recognise little ol' me as the fabulous, amazing, blue as blue can be, Genie. Y'know, star of the hit Disney movie Aladdin, played by the late, great Robin Williams," he clutched his chest in mourning, "bless his heart."

"Anyways, after ol' Al set me free from my itty-bitty living space, I decided to travel the worlds, jump a few dimensions and enjoy the best vacation spots a genie could ask for. Y'know, the pina coladas are nice this time of year. During one of my travels, I came across this swell little island right when it was being used for a game show."

He shapeshifted into a copy of Chris McLean, complete with beady eyes. "Total Drama: Paaaaahkitew Island! …dude." He said in a gratuitous surfer dude voice. He hastily switched back, muttering to himself, "man, that guy's a jerk! Both in, and out, of universe, if you get what I mean."

He teleported to a small mechanical elevator, leading down to the island control room. "Pretty sleek place if you ask me. Very mechanical. Lot of potential for renovations, I'm thinking a nice Genie cave right over-" The elevator suddenly closed on his head with a whir. "Help! Genie down!"

Cut to the campfire area.

"And, since this majestic place isn't being used for anything right now, I thought… why not start my own show? I mean, why let that jerk have all the fun? Who wouldn't want some of that sweet reality TV drama in our lives?"

He shifted again, into an attractive woman resembling Marilyn Monroe, speaking in a sultry falsetto. "Besides, moi does look good on the cameras, y'know?"

Back to normal. "So, here's the deal, loyal viewers. You readers – yes, you guys behind your fancy computer screens – get to submit the characters for this season. And they will all compete for…"

Drumrolls sounded in the background. "Wait for it…" Once he had waited about ten seconds, he continued.

"A wish. Yup, not a million dollars, but one single, no holds-barred, no restrictions, nadda, zilch, squat, wish, granted by yours truly."

He continued. "You could wish for world peace," he pinged a happy world behind him, with dozens of figures holding hands, "or world domination," the world changed to be lit in flames, "a million dollars," a massive pile of treasure crushed the globe, "or maybe just the best darn turkey sandwich you could ever have." It morphed into a sandwich that Genie promptly swallowed in one bite. "Mmm… finger-lickn' good! And it's not even a little dry, either!"

"All you gotta do is sign the dotted line," he spontaneously magicked up a contract, mostly in gibberish, "and you got yourself a free wish, courtesy of my super amazing semi-PHENOMENAL, nearly COSMIC POWERS!"

He whispered to the side in a stereotypical advertiser voice, "terms and conditions may apply."

"Of course, if you think it's gonna be easy… you got some nerve, mister." He rolled up his sleeves, as if getting ready to duke it out with them right then and there. "You gotta survive three months on this here island. Twenty-six lucky contestants from all over the multiverse will be split into two teams, handpicked by yours truly, and compete in all kinds of wacky, cuckoo-bananas challenges! The winning team gets a reward, while the losers must… vote someone off! Dun-dun-DUUUUUUUN!"

He mimed a stake to the heart, complete with high-pitched scream. "Rinse and repeat, et-cetera, et-cetera, until only one lucky contestant is left standing."

"Now, you got all that, loyal viewers?" The camera shook up and down, as if nodding. "Good. Now… GET IN THOSE SUBMISSIONS!"

*Screen turns off*

Chapter Text

Male characters:

1. Captain Gantu (Lilo and Stitch) (suggested by G-man 2.0)

2. Nero (Devil May Cry) (suggested by EndeavorT)

3. Squidward Tentacles (SpongeBob SquarePants) (suggested by CactusDrink0, Will17HighSchool)

4. Garfield (Garfield) (suggested by CactusDrink0)

5. Maui (Moana) (suggested by Disney Fan)

6. Dib Membrane (Invader Zim) (suggested by Will17HighSchool, Christophe20538)

7. Roxas (Kingdom Hearts) (suggested by mohaumoseki49)

8. The Spot (Across the Spider-Verse) (suggested by CYOAFAN)

9. Ichiban Kasuga (Yakuza: Like a Dragon) (suggested by HedgeFighter210)

10. Miles "Tails" Prower (Sonic the Hedgehog) (suggested by HedgeFighter210)

11. Camilo Madrigal (Encanto) (suggested by thenewsubwayguy)

12. Goro Akechi (Persona 5) (suggested by… ME!)

13. Mario (SMG4) (suggested by Luckyhill2)

Female characters:

1. Louise Belcher (Bob's Burgers) (suggested by Guest)

2. Abby Park (Turning Red) (suggested by thenewsubwayguy, G-man 2.0)

3. Susan Murphy/Ginormica (Monsters vs Aliens) (suggested by mohaumoseki49)

4. GoGo Tomago (Big Hero 6) (suggested by mohaumoseki49, G-man 2.0)

5. Amity Blight (The Owl House) (suggested by G-man 2.0, EndeavorT)

6. Jigglypuff (Pokemon) (suggested by Litini)

7. Squirrel Girl (Marvel Comics) (suggested by thenewsubwayguy)

8. Coco Bandicoot (Crash Bandicoot) (suggested by HedgeFighter210)

9. Azula (Avatar: The Last Airbender) (suggested by TheIronSoldier)

10. Marge Simpson (The Simpsons) (suggested by Christophe20538, mohaumoseki49)

11. Planetina (Rick and Morty) (suggested by CYOAFAN)

12. Goombella (Paper Mario) (suggested by CactusDrink0)

13. Lola Bunny (The Looney Tunes Show) (suggested by CactusDrink0)

Chapter Text

*Screen turns on*

“AAAAAAND WE’RE BACK!” Genie’s big, blue smiling face abruptly appeared on the screen, before he stepped back to bow as canned applause played. He was standing at the dock area of the island. “Thanks to you loyal viewers, we now have enough contestants to start the first season of… Total Drama: As Hosted by Genie!” He blew a party horn to commemorate the occasion as sparks flew.

“Now, you already know how these things go – you’re reading a Total Drama fanfic, for Pete’s sake – but if you don’t, or you’re just tuning in, lemmie refresh your mind. Twenty-six contestants, as chosen by little old me, will compete on a reality show set on Pahkitew Island!”

“They’ll be split into two teams and compete in challenges every few days. The winning team gets a reward, while the losers must… VOTE SOMEONE OUT! Rinse and repeat, yadda yadda, until only one player is left.”

“Now, without further adieu… here they come!”

----

*Theme Song Plays*

----

A teenage boy with blonde hair teleported onto the dock through a dark portal. He wielded a pair of keyblades – one in each hand – and wore a black coat with tons of zippers and chains.

Genie grinned in recognition, “yo, Sora! My man! Slip me some skin!” He raised his hand for a high five… only for the boy to sullenly walk past him, dismissing it.

“I’m Roxas. Not Sora. And I have no idea who you are.”

“Oh, right. Nobodies and stuff. Now I feel sheepish,” Genie shifted into a sheep and let out a bleat, before gesturing to the side with his hoof. “Just go stand over there while we wait for the rest of the contestants. Kingdom Hearts lore is so confusing...”

“Whatever.” Though Roxas scowled, he looked just a bit put out at the comparison… yet also unsure of how to feel about the strange man he feels like he should probably know from somewhere. Déjà vu?

A swishing of tails marked the arrival of contestant number two as a young fox with light orange fur flew onto the docks. He wore white gloves and a pair of red and white shoes, and he carried a large mechanical device (resembling a Wii U gamepad) that displayed streams of data. His most distinguishing feature, bar none, were his two tails.

“And here we have Miles Prower flying in with the power of his twin tails!” Genie happily greeted him. “Or, as the old timey gamers know him: Tails!”

“Hi, Genie!” Tails shyly responded with a wave. “It’s so exciting to be here. Is it true that this island is all… y’know, mechanical?”

“Yup! Genuine Pahkitew tech!” He hushed his voice to whisper into the fox’s ear. “Who knows, if you last long enough, you might get the chance to tinker with it yourself…”

“Really?!” Tails nodded, excitedly.

“Yup. Now get over there, fox boy!” As Tails joined Roxas, Genie mumbled to himself, “good kid. Hope he does well.”

Next came a middle-aged man in a red suit, holding a baseball bat behind his head. He would have looked vaguely intimidating… if not for the puffy afro and goofy smile he also donned.

“Yo, Genie! It’s sweet to be here!” Ichiban greeted Genie, not seeing anything weird about the blue-skinned man standing before him. “It’s like the start of a new RPG!”

“Well, if you think I’m amazing – and I’m flattered, really – just wait until you see the weirdos we got coming up next!”

The next contestant was a pink Goomba wearing a tan mining helmet. She had a blonde ponytail, eyelashes, and a single fang poking out of her mouth. Unlike the rest of the cast, she was made of paper.

“This is Genie…” She read from her notes, not entirely paying attention to the blue man standing before her. “Star of the hit Disney movie Aladdin, portrayed by the late Robin Williams. He has… and I quote… ‘PHENOMINAL COSMIC POWER’. Max HP is… this can’t be right? 1991?! And his MP is… 9001?!!”

“My ears are burning.” Genie’s ears were, in fact, literally burning a bright red.

“OHMYGOSH!” Goombella accidentally dropped her book for a moment, before quickly composing herself and slipping into her usual snark. “Uh, I mean… so this is Pahkitew Island. Kind of a dump. But it has some rustic charm… I guess.”

She was followed up by another small, pink creature, with pointy ears, a tuft of fur on its head, and bright blue eyes: a Jigglypuff, holding a microphone and a marker, floated onto the pier.

Genie held a microphone to the thing’s face. “So, what brings a cute little puffball like yourself to this kind of show?

“Jiggly!” She held up her microphone, before waddling off to join the other campers. She sang for a moment… before Genie quickly muted her with a snap of his fingers, leaving her unknowingly singing in dead silence.

At the other campers’ questioning looks, Genie tugged his suit collar. “You don’t wanna know what the marker’s for… Trust me.”

Coco Bandicoot arrived next, having teleported to the island through a time portal. She held a pink laptop in her arm. She had orange fur, blonde hair done up in a ponytail (with a pink flower), and wore a white shirt with blue overalls.

“Status update: currently competing in a freaky alternate reality show.” She quickly typed up a message on her pink smartphone. “Selfie!” Before anyone could stop her, she took a picture with Genie, who flexed his muscles for the camera.

“Didya catch my good side?”

“Yup!” And with that, Coco skipped off to join the rest of the contestants, quickly getting into a long conversation about aerodynamics with Tails.

A fat cat, orange with black stripes, lazily stepped onto the dock next. He had an apathetic frown on his face and carried both a blanket and a teddy bear.

“And from the Arbuckle household… GARFIELD!” Genie held a microphone up to the cat’s face. “Why did you decide to compete on Genie’s totally amazing, fantabulous game show?”

After a second of awkward silence, Garfield merely glanced at the camera, with an expression that said, “can you believe this guy?” written on his face.

“Oh! I know just the thing to help!” Tails interjected, pulling out a collar that he strapped onto Garfield’s neck. “It’s a thought-to-speech translator I’ve been working on.” As he pushed a button, the collar lit up to signify its activation. “Go ahead; try it out.”

Garfield looked down at the collar, before shrugging. “I’m hungry.”

“Sweet, it works!” Tails smiled. “I knew if I took the tech I used to translate the Wisps, I could translate your meows too.”

“Nice work, little fox dude.” Ichiban gave a thumbs up, which Tails blushed at. Coco pouted and rolled her eyes, just slightly jealous of the attention the fox was getting.

Garfield, meanwhile, didn’t care. “I wasn’t joking. Feed me… unless you want the claws.”

“EEEEEEEEEEE!” A high-pitched screech, followed by some indecipherable Korean ranting, interrupted the contestants.

Garfield abruptly found himself being wrapped in a massive hug from a small, chubby Korean girl, with long black hair and purple overalls covered in cutesy decals.

“You’re so cute and fluffy…!” Abby Park yelled as she rubbed her face into his fur. “And… smell… like mouldy lasagna? Aw, so gross… and yet, so cute!”

The contestants shared amused looks at the girl’s hyperactivity. Even Genie had to (poorly) stifle his laughter at the bizarre sight. Eventually, he got in between them when Garfield’s face started to turn pale.

“Alright, that’s enough, cuddlebug.” He gestured to the gathered contestants on the pier. “Go wait with the guys over there. And try not to squeeze anyone else,” he added upon seeing Abby looking at Tails and Jigglypuff with a crazed look in her eyes, “this show can’t afford any lawsuits during the first episode.”

“Aw…”

Garfield, meanwhile, gasped for breath. “She’s worse than Drusilla and Minerva…”

The whoosh of flames echoed across the pier as the next contestant made a fiery entrance. She was a teenage girl with black hair and Asian-esque features, who donned a red and black uniform with flame insignias on it.

Azula had entered the scene… and she was dangerous.

“Hey hey hey! These boards are flammable!” Genie chided, quickly donning a firefighter uniform and hose to extinguish the flames. As he did so, Azula simply dismissed him with a wave of her hand as she looked upon her opposition with distain.

“So, these are my opponents,” she grinned smugly as she moved to join them. The faces of her competitors – some terrified, some annoyed – reflected in her eyes. “I’m looking forward to my inevitable triumph, so you may as well just give up now.”

“Okay, someone better keep the flaming weirdo away from me…” Goombella elected to hide behind Coco and Garfield. When you’re made of paper, getting close to someone who can generate fire probably isn’t the best idea.

The next contestant – who leapt onto the pier with a flamboyant pose – was a young man wearing a brown school uniform. He had light brown hair, wide, innocent brown eyes, and a calculating smile on his face.

“Are these my opponents for this competition?” Goro Akechi politely inquired, sizing up the growing array of freaks and weirdos before him.

“That’s right, detective prince.” Genie responded. “Your new friends for the next three months.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “By the way, is it Goro or Akechi you go by? Your reports weren’t exactly the most detailed…”

“You may refer to me as Akechi.” Akechi muttered, after some thought. “It’s what everyone calls me regardless.”

As he joined the growing group of freaks and weirdos, he caught a knowing glance from Azula… who seemed slightly suspicious of him. Nonetheless, he simply smiled at her, careful not to confirm any suspicions she may or may not have.

Next came a little girl in a green dress, wearing a pink hat with bunny ears on it.

“ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP!” Louise practically screeched. Some of the contestants covered their ears at her obnoxiously loud voice. “You guys are gonna GIVE UP NOW! Because…” She grinned manically. “I’m gonna win this thing and get that wish.”

“Alright, did someone accidentally leave their kid on one of the boats?” Ichiban wondered as he looked down at her.

Louise ignored the comment, enthralled at the man standing before her. “Are you a yakuza guy? Sick!” She got up into his face. “Oh! You’re gonna teach me how to cut off ears, I just know it…!”

“I’m not that kind of… nevermind…”

The next contestant zoomed across the water and onto the docks on a pair of floating yellow disks. She was a curvaceous Korean woman who wore a black bodysuit, with a yellow helmet and protective armour.

As GoGo Tomago came to a stop, she took off her helmet and popped a bubblegum bubble.

Tails and Coco both rushed to greet her, amazed at the sight. Genie clapped with wild applause. “Ten outta ten landing, girl!”

“Woah. You have gotta teach us about those things!” Coco said, enthralled. This technology was like nothing she or any of the evil scientists on N. Sanity Island had come up with.

“Yeah. Are those anti-gravity?!” Tails was just as amazed. This was far from his first experience – what with Extreme Gear and all – but GoGo’s tech still looked like nothing he’d ever seen before.

“Sure.” GoGo wryly smiled at the two furry kids hanging off her every word. “I’ll teach you about them later. Just don’t slow me down.”

Next came a young teenage girl, with pale skin, pointy ears, and dyed green hair, wearing a grey tunic and purple undershirt and leggings. She rode atop a purple blob monster of some sort, which was also carrying her suitcases.

“So… you must be my opponents.” Amity spoke confidently, with a smug look on her face… though her body language seemed somewhat guarded. The human world was a much stranger place than anything she’d seen before, but she couldn’t exactly show weakness like that. “I’m a high-level witch in training, so it’ll be much easier if you all just give up now.”

“Yeah, good luck with that.” Roxas snarked in response.

Azula, meanwhile, got a strange feeling of hatred… almost like Amity reminded her of someone… like an annoying moralizing Waterbender she may or may not have clashed with before. She’s going down.

Most of the others weren’t quite sure what to make of her, leading to murmuring among the group. Genie decided to break the ice in a bid to make the kid feel just a bit more welcome.

“So, Amity. Who’s your buddy?” He gestured to the purple blob thing.

“Oh, that’s my abomination.” Amity responded, a note of smugness lacing her voice. “It’s kind of my thing at school. Abomination,” she gestured to the creature in question, “say ‘Hi’!”

“H… hi…” It growled out after some effort, unnerving some of the cast… and exciting others.

“Awesome…” Abby and Louise both whispered in awe at the bizarre creature.

“Don’t worry, it’s harmless… unless you annoy me.” She said as she joined the group.

A horrible noise echoed throughout the pier next.

“What is that… interesting… sound?” Akechi cringed.

“It sounds worse than that time Hooty tried to sing birdsongs!” Amity added.

“Or Gene’s ‘best of farts’ album!” Louise interjected.

Genie pinpointed the noise to a tiny octopus who only came up to his ankle, playing a clarinet. He was greenish-blue and wore a brown shirt, with a watermelon-shaped forehead and a big, bulbous nose.

“Squidward.” Genie deadpanned, lifting him up to eye level. “A little small, aren’t you, squiddy?”

“Hey!” Squidward snapped. “I’ll have you know I’m a very talented clarinet player, with legions of fans and- oh.” It finally dawned on him that Genie was not, in fact, referring to his fame.

Genie snapped his fingers and grew Squidward up to about human size. Squidward simply glanced at the crowd before him, with a sigh of resignation. “I hate all of you.”

“And I love calamari, but you don’t hear me bragging about it.” Garfield snarked in response.

“Shut it, cat!” Squidward snapped back as he joined the group, continuing to exchange verbal jabs with Garfield as he did so. “I’ve seen snails in better shape than you!”

“MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

The sound of terrifying laughter marked the arrival of none other than the Spot; a man with no facial features whatsoever; just featureless white skin marked by black holes everywhere.

“Cower beyond me, fools!” Spot declared. “You’re powerless against the awesome power of my-WOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAH-”

He abruptly fell through one of his portals… and clumsily got himself into a loop that only ended when he unceremoniously banged his head into the dock’s edge and fell into the water, at which point Ichiban, Tails, and GoGo finally took enough pity on him to pull him up.

“This changes nothing!” He yelled, desperate to retain at least some intimidation… though most of the cast simply looked at him like a weirdo.

“The Spot, everybody.” Genie clapped, before summoning a game of Connect-4 and a pen. “By the way, you may be the Spot, and I don’t mean to brag, but I’m kind of an expert on children’s games. Like join the dots.”

Spot promptly bolted off to join the group, not wanting to press his luck with the blue man before him.

A loud, bellowed “YOOOOOOU’RE WELCOME!” marked the arrival of the next camper.

A brown hawk flew onto the pier, before unexpectedly shooting up into the air and shapeshifting into a very bulky human form, with long black hair, a body covered in tattoos, and a green leaf loincloth. “IIIIIIIIT’S MAUI TIME!” The man yelled before coming down to Earth in a triumphant pose, brandishing a giant fishhook.

The rest of the campers clapped for such a magnificent entrance (with Abby practically wolf-whistling), with Genie whistling in celebration as he moved to greet Maui with a fist bump. “Maui! My man!”

“Genie!” Maui returned it with a chest bump. “And the rest of you mortals? You’re in the presence… of a demigod! Y’know, demigod of the wind and sea? Hero to all?”

“Doesn’t ring a bell.” Squidward said.

“Puff?” Jiggypuff added.

“Sorry, haven’t heard of you.” Coco shrugged, to everyone else’s laughter (and Maui’s annoyance). “The entrance was cool, though…”

“Did soooooombody call for a shapeshifter?!” Genie and Maui both turned to see… another Maui?!

“I’m seeing double here! Four Mauis!” Ichiban noted.

Garfield facepalmed. “Great, as if we didn’t have enough blowhards with inflated egos.”

Suddenly, the second ‘Maui’ began to twist and contort, before changing into Genie himself!

“Egad!” The first Genie yelled. “An imposter!” He shapeshifted into a copy of Spider-Man, before the second Genie did the same. The two pointed at each other, yelling “FAKER! No, you’re the fake! You! You!”

The rest of the contestants watched in sheer confusion, having no idea what the heck was going on… before the second Genie shrank down into a dark-skinned Columbian teenager, with frizzy brown hair, wearing a yellow cloak and black pants.

“Now that’s what I call an entrance.” Camilo Madrigal grinned, while Maui pouted in the background at being upstaged. “Admit it, I fooled you all, didn’t I?”

Akechi sized up the newcomer. A shapeshifter like him could prove useful to his plans… Unbeknownst to him, Azula was also sizing up the shapeshifter as someone to watch out for.

“Well played, young padawan.” Genie praised, sending Camilo off with a pat on the back. Maui reluctantly followed him a few seconds later.

Next came a young man with short white hair, wearing a dark blue coat and black pants, brandishing two guns and a sword. He made his entrance in a most spectacular fashion; namely, by running across the water in a demonic form, before leaping onto the docks and reverting to human form upon landing safely.

Genie recognised him instantly. “Dante! My man! Sweet to see ya, buddy!”

The man looked a bit deflated at that. “C’mon, don’t get me confused with the old man.” He turned to the group, putting his sword away as he crossed his arms. “Name’s Nero. Professional devil hunter, and coolest guy around. Hope you guys can give me a good challenge.”

“Yeesh.” Genie facepalmed again as Nero left to join the group, flexing his metallic right arm to some of the other contestants. “Now I feel sheepish again…”

Next came a yellow-skinned woman wearing a green dress and carrying a handbag and some suitcases. Along with her yellow skin, her most distinguishing feature was her gigantic blue hairdo.

“Oh my.” Marge muttered as she laid her eyes on the array of freaks and weirdos standing before her. “I’m definitely not in Springfield anymore. Sure hope Homie and the kids will be okay without me for a few months…”

“Welcome to TOTAL DRAMA: AS HOSTED BY GENIE!” Genie triumphantly declared.

“Aagh!” She jumped.

“Oh, sorry about that, Margie.” Genie quickly shrank down to a more approachable human size, patting her on the back. “It’s just such an honor to see a classic character like you.”

“Well, thanks, Mr. Genie guy. I just wasn’t expecting such a… strange man. I mean, blue skin? How weird…” Marge inquired. “And by the way, is it just me or do you remind me of my Homie…?” She trailed off.

Genie shapeshifted into a copy of Homer, still retaining his blue skin. “I dunno what you’re talking about, Merge…” He mockingly realized his mistake. “I mean Marge. D’oh!”

Marge laughed… as did most of the other contestants.

Next came a young boy, with pale skin and a black coat, and a strange hairdo resembling a scythe. He had a determined look on his face as he stepped onto the pier… and immediately began getting in everyone’s faces as he took photos of them.

“Gotcha!” Dib Membrane snapped as he snapped a picture of Genie, who simply posed flamboyantly in response. “Now nobody can deny it! I got photo proof that genies exist!”

He turned to the growing crowd before him. “I hunt aliens and all kinds of paranormal stuff. And when I get that wish, I’m gonna expose Zim and all of you for the freaks you truly are.”

“Now that’s just rude…” Genie said as Dib moved to join the (slightly offended) group, taking pictures of just about everyone, to varying reactions. “Us genies take pride in our freakiness, thank you very much!”

“Take a photo of me next!” Maui said, even flexing as Dib did so, before swiping the picture to autograph.

“What a freak.” Spot said to himself.

Next came a chubby girl with brown hair and buck teeth. She wore a brown bomber jacket, an orange top, and a brown pair of short shorts. Most unique about her, however, were the pointy squirrel ears on the top of her head, and the giant bushy tail protruding behind her.

“Hi there!” Squirrel Girl waved to the campers. “Name’s Squirrel Girl… but y’all can call me Doreen.” She gestured to the grey squirrel sitting on her shoulder. “And this here’s my BFFF – that’s ‘Best Furry Friend Forever’ in case you were wondering – Tippy-Toe!” Tippy-Toe simply chittered in response.

“Meh, I’ve seen weirder.” Camilo shrugged.

“Ooh, can I pet her?” Abby barged in. “She’s so cuuuuuuute!”

“Certainly!” Squirrel Girl smiled, handing Tippy-Toe off to the shorter girl. As she did, her eyes fell upon the Spot… she lit up in recognition. “Spot! My third favourite c-list villain! What’s a weirdo like you doing here?”

Spot looked as close to confused (yet gleeful) as his featureless face could muster. “Wait, someone knows me?! Sweet!”

Genie quickly clarified. “He’s from another Marvel universe. Selection rules and all.”

“Ah… Say no more, I’m outta here!” She elected to drop the subject, not wanting to deal with more dimensional disturbances for a while. She’d already had enough of those during the incidents with the Dooms, and Dracula, and Knull…

Spot suddenly began to twist and contort in pain, to the other contestants’ confusion…

“HELLOOOO, TOTAL DRAMA!”

Before a female rabbit with tan fur, wearing a blue top and skirt, leapt out of one of his holes and onto the pier. “Ta-daaaaaa! Wait, is this Total Drama or Besties? I always get those two shows confused…”

At the other contestants’ confusion, she simply shrugged. “What, never seen a rabbit before?” Before anyone could respond, she saw Genie and got stars in her eyes. “Wow, a real-life genie! Okay, I wish for a lifetime supply of carrot juice, and for Bugs to fall in love with me forever, and for Daffy and Lola to finally tie the knot, and for a nice makeover, Mad Max style, and-“

“Zip-it!” Genie literally zipped her mouth shut. “First off, you only get one wish, and second, you can’t make people fall in love because that’s just gross. Now get over there and mingle with your fellow Total Drama – as hosted by Genie, mind you – contestants!”

“Okay, now that’s the weirdest entrance I’ve ever seen.” Roxas said, mostly to himself.

“She does seem a bit poca loca…” Camilo joked in response.

“Puff?” Jigglypuff added. That was the weirdest Lopunny she’d ever seen.

The next contestant’s arrival was marked by a gleam in the sky.

“What’s that I hear? Is it a bird?” Genie called, inciting some of the contestants to join him.

“Is it a plane?” Tails inquired.

“Is it a dragon?” Coco added.

“Is it Baymax?” GoGo joined in.

“Is it an alien?!” Dib yelled. “Zim, if you’re out there, go back to whatever weird planet you came from!”

“Is this a waste of time?” Squidward snarked.

“Oh, oh!” Lola added, wanting to have some fun. “It’s Superman, right?”

“Nah, it’s gotta be Iron Man!” Squirrel Girl added.

“No, it’s…” Nero finished.

“With the powers of fire, dirt, water, and air, she is PLANETINA, dedicated to protecting the Earth from pollution in all its forms!” And with that triumphant declaration, Planetina appeared in the flesh, striking a pose as she flew onto the docks. She had blue skin, green hair, and wore a light blue bodysuit with red accents, a most unusual sight even by the other contestants’ standards.

“Thanks for the entrance, Genie.” She smiled, putting her hand on her hip as she turned to point to the camera, and the audience watching. “And remember, the solution to Earth’s pollution is: you!”

“Who’s she pointing at?” Marge questioned.

“The viewers.” Garfield responded. “Seeing as this is a trashy reality show and all.”

“I didn’t know this was, like, an educational game show…” Goombella said, hiding behind Maui. This island was getting a bit hot for her tastes.

Genie simply shrugged. “Disney wanted some environmental messages.”

Azula, meanwhile, simply glared at the newcomer with disgust. She was way too familiar with those kinds of powers. “How many times do I have to kill the same freaking Avatar…?”

A few seconds later, a “YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA-YAHOO!” shot through the air, and before anyone could ask what the hell was going on, a polygonal version of Mario, with crossed eyes and a deranged look on his face, flew onto the pier… backwards.

“Wait, is that…” Ichiban questioned.

“MARIO?!” Tails and Goombella said in unison, both eager to see a friend of theirs… only to immediately back away when Mario abruptly stripped nude – no genitals, thankfully – and humped a plate of spaghetti he pulled out of nowhere.

“Oh, my heavens!” Marge exclaimed, utterly horrified at the disturbing sight before her. “Shield your eyes!” She promptly covered Louise and Abby’s eyes, while GoGo covered Tails and Coco’s.

“My eyes!” Akechi recoiled at the sight. Amity didn’t even get that far and vomited off-camera.

And then Mario set his sights on Goombella. Goombella tried to look friendly, but Mario only saw one thing: another goomba to be squashed.

“I’m-a-gonna get you!” He chased Goombella all around the dock, still nude. “And then Mario’s gonna squish you!”

“Someone get this freaky dude away from me!” Goombella yelled in a mad panic. Nero promptly stepped in and bonked the bizarro Mario on the head with the hilt of his sword, knocking him out for the time being.

“You’re welcome.” He said as he lifted the weird Mario onto his shoulders.

“Hey, that’s my line!” Maui indignantly responded… though nobody took notice of him in the ensuing insanity.

The sound of thundering footsteps shook the docks. A large, whale-like alien – roughly 20 feet tall – stomped onto the boards with authority. He wore a black and red space uniform and had piercing blue eyes.

The rest of the contestants looked on with varying degrees of terror and dread at the giant standing before them…

“See?! Aliens exist!”

Except for Dib, who frantically took photos of the alien standing before him as “proof” that aliens existed.

“Gantu! My man!” Genie put his fist out for a fist bump, which Gantu (after a moment of hesitation) returned.

“It is an honor to be here, Genie.” Gantu waved, deep voice booming with power. As he got up, he looked over his (much smaller) opposition. Roxas wondered if he should recognise him from somewhere. More déjà vu?

Gantu then felt the old boards creaking under his weight. “Are you sure these boards will hold?”

“Eh, it’ll be fine.” Genie shrugged. “They’re magic. Trust me.”

“Very well. And I am looking forward to taking all of you out as… well…”

A massive shadow fell over the campers, as if something suddenly blocked out the sun. As they all turned to see what was going on, they saw a humungous young woman – roughly 50 feet tall –with white hair and big blue eyes, who wore a black prison uniform with orange accents. She was knee-deep in the water, and even then, she stood so tall that she practically blocked out the sun.

“Hi everyone.” She awkwardly chuckled before bending down to wave to the group. “The government calls me Ginormica, but you all can call me Susan.”

The campers had a varying array of reactions, ranging from bemusement (Akechi) to amazement (Abby) to apathy (Garfield). Ichiban had stars in his eyes at her sheer size and beauty.

“Are you a titan?!” Amity practically screeched.

“Woah.” Abby gasped. “YOU’RE THE SECOND BIGGEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN!”

Azula merely smirked. “The bigger they are, the harder they fall.”

Maui looked on in awe. “You’re almost as big as Te Ka…”

Even the mighty Captain Gantu, who was used to being the biggest thing in the room, looked just a bit intimidated at the woman who now absolutely dwarfed him.

“Hey, wait a minute!” Squidward interjected. “How in the world is this fair?! She could squash all of us in, like, ten seconds!”

“Oh, good point. Susie-Q did seem just an itsy-bitsy little bit smaller on her audition video. Lousy Dutch angles…” Genie shrugged, before he snapped his fingers.

Susan found herself abruptly shrinking down with a magical glow. She looked positively elated at the idea of being small again… before the shrinking abruptly stopped at around Gantu’s height.

She sighed and slumped. She was looking forward to being normal… even if just for a few days.

“Yeah, yeah, we needed another giant to go with Gantu here.” Genie gestured at the alien, who was looking a bit miffed. She was still just slightly taller than him, to his dismay.

“I think you still look cool.” Ichiban said.

“Aw, thank you…” She smiled in response, blushing.

As the contestants began to mingle among each other – some friendly, some cautious, and some (mainly Louise and Azula) were busy setting the pier, which was now creaking something fierce, on fire – Genie did a quick head count with his fingers, spawning a replica of each contestant’s head on each one.  “One, two, three, four…” He abruptly jumped ahead, spawning about 22 more fingers on his left hand, “twenty-six. Looks like the gang’s all here…”

Genie then spawned a lifeguard tower, donned a matching lifeguard outfit, and loudly blew into a whistle, silencing everyone. “QUIEEEEEEEEET! Sheesh, you’re all almost as annoying as the parrot!” After a moment to make sure they wouldn’t interrupt again, he snapped a camera into existence. “Aw, I couldn’t stay mad at you guys. C’mon, everyone group together for the Pahkitew Island group photo…!”

“I don’t know if that’s wise…” Akechi said.

“Yeah, these boards look like they’re gonna break any second now.” Dib added.

“I SAID GROUP TOGETHER!”

Despite some of the contestants’ reluctance, they all did as requested. The smaller characters like Dib, Abby, Louise, Goombella, and Coco sat up front, the huge characters posed in the back, and everyone else stood somewhere in-between.

“Now, saaaaaaay ‘make a wish’!”

“MAKE A WIIIII-WAAAAAAAH!” They didn’t get a chance to finish before the pier finally broke, sending all of them into the water… except for Planetina, Goombella, Amity, and Nero, as Planetina simply floated in place as Goombella clung to her leg for dear life, and both Amity and Nero leapt to some of the few intact nearby posts.

“Okay, now I hate weird magical genies just a little bit more…” GoGo muttered as she clung to a piece of wood to stay afloat.

“You’ll all pay for this…” Azula ranted after spitting out some water.

“Mamma mia!” Mario screamed from underwater.

“Now that’s going in my cringe compilation!” Genie murmured as he shook the photo he got. “Now, on with the tour!”

----

“And over here is where I’ll be handling your eliminations.” Genie gestured to a campfire surrounded by rocks to sit on (plus a big one for the giants). “You know the drill; after every challenge, the losing team will end up here… and you don’t really want to end up here, because these rocks are hard on the cheeks! Plus, y’know, you’re gonna have to vote someone off. If you get a marshmallow,” he magicked one up for reference, before eating it with a dramatic gulp, “you’re safe. If you don’t, you’re eliminated and must take… the CANNON OF SHAME!”

A dramatic chord played as the camera panned over to the cannon in question, now haphazardly painted blue and gold to resemble Genie himself. The contestants gasped at the sight of it; none of them particularly wanted to wind up in that thing.

“Now, on a lighter note, it’s time for your teams. If I say your name, go to the left banner:”

“Ichiban.”

“Coco.”

“Roxas.”

“Spot.”

“Planetina.”

“Garfield.”

“Jigglypuff.”

“Squirrel Girl.”

“Akechi.”

“Lola.”

“Camilo.”

“Goombella.”

“Ginormica.”

All of them made their way to the banner on the left, before it unfurled to reveal their team name and logo.

“You will be… the Sneaky Scarabs.” A logo of a golden scarab, akin to the one used to access the Cave of Wonders, showed up on-screen, occupied by a buzzing noise. “As for the rest of you. When I call your names, go to the right banner.”

“Azula.”

“Tails.”

“Amity.”

“Louise.”

“Maui.”

“GoGo.”

“Mario.”

“Marge.”

“Dib.”

“Abby.”

“Nero.”

“Squidward.”

“Gantu.”

All of them made their way to the banner on the right. As with the Scarabs, their banner unfurled to reveal their team name and logo.

“You will be… the Creepy Cobras.” A logo of a red cobra, akin to the one Jafar transformed into, showed up on-screen, accompanied by a hissing noise akin to a snake.

----

“And over here is the Confessional!” Genie dramatically gestured to a rather shabby looking outhouse, before poofing a priest outfit, complete with oversized hat and cane, onto his body. “Here you may confess your sins, yada yada, yada yada. It’s the one place where you can get your thoughts out in complete and utter privacy… well, except for the cameras recording your every move.”

 “That’s reassuring.” Nero snarked to himself. “Who wouldn’t want the world watching your every bowel movement?”

Genie simply clubbed him on the head in response. “We have actual bathrooms, you smartbutt.”

Planetina recoiled at the stench. “I can feel the pollution emanating from this receptacle… The evil of man truly knows no bounds.”

Susan uneasily knocked on the thing. “And how the heck are me or Gantu supposed to use it?”

“Oh yeah, I made another one just for you two.” Genie gestured to another, much bigger confessional a short distance away, on the outskirts of the island. “You should be able to fit in that one just fine. Just don’t try to use it like an actual bathroom… trust me.”

----

Confessional: Abby

“I can’t believe I get to do this!” Abby practically vibrated on her seat. “I mean, me and my besties all tried to get picked for this show – and we all figured Mei would have been the one, she’s got that cute fuzzy panda bod and all – but it was ME! And you betcha I’m gonna get that wish and repair the SkyDome for Mei’s folks… [or maybe I’ll get myself a panda too]…” The last part she said in Korean, which was translated for the viewers’ benefit.

“Wait, is this translated? [CRAP!]”

----

Confessional: Louise

Louise darkly chuckled as she rubbed her tiny hands together. “So many marks to scam, so little time. Nobody suspects the little girl… and I plan to keep it that way. Muahahahahaha!”

----

Confessional: Ichiban

“Wo-ho!” Ichiban sat hunched over the toilet, bat still perched on his shoulder. “This is so freaking cool! I got myself a party of freaks and weirdos… just like me. It’s like the start of another RPG, and I’m gonna lead these guys to victory!”

----

Confessional: Akechi

“I must admit, the prospect of a genie granting people’s wishes seems rather… suspect.” Akechi had his hand on his chin. “And I plan to get to the bottom of his little game… even if I must take some… unsavoury methods to do so. Nobody could be that generous.”

----

Confessional: Azula

“Another day, another field of pawns to command as I say.” Azula sat, legs crossed atop the seat. “They shall all learn to fear the princess of the Fire Nation… as will everyone else, once I get that wish.”

----

Confessional: Marge

“So many strange people around here… it almost gives me the heebie-jeebies.” Marge said. “Still, this place could use a mom’s touch… especially with how many unaccompanied children are here. Where are their parents?!”

She glanced around a bit at her surroundings. “And this place is filthy! Good thing I brought my cleaning gear in my handbag…” She pulled out a cloth and began frantically cleaning… starting with the camera.

----

Confessional: Amity

Amity sat with a sense of poise and reservation. “Mom demanded I compete in this show to get the wish and ‘bring honour to Blight Industries’.” She sighed, putting her face into her hand. “Ed and Em are never gonna let me live this down. Just hope Luz isn’t watching either; last thing I need are her beautiful, perfect eyes watching my every-”

She suddenly realized she was still being recorded and blushed furiously.

----

Confessional: Roxas

Roxas sat in the seat with his arms folded. “I don’t know why the Keyblade chose me. I don’t know much of… well, anything. But I’m tired of being a pawn in other peoples’ games, and I’m tired of everyone comparing me to Sora. I want to EXIST!” He abruptly snapped, breathing heavily before taking a breath to calm himself. “And if this Genie guy can help me exist, to discover what it’s like to be a somebody, to feel things… what have I got to lose?”

----

Confessional: Planetina

“Hi there! Planetina, protector of Earth here! Remember to recycle your papers, plastics, and glasses in the correct recycling receptacles! And if you don’t…”

Her eye twitched as she glanced into the camera. “I’ll know.”

----

Confessional: Mario

Mario stood atop the seat, moving in bizarre, clipped motions. He spoke in indecipherable Italian-sounding gibberish, before posing triumphantly with his hands in the air. “Tada!”

And then he got naked and crouched down onto the toilet, making exaggerated grunting noises as he tried to use it for… another purpose.

----

“Next comes the mess hall. Pretty rustic place, but it has that ol’ country charm, let me tell ya!” Genie started, before glancing to the camera. “What, you thought you’d have to scavenge for food around these parts? C’mon, that’d be just inhumane!”

As the campers looked around the hall – indeed a rustic place, with a few tables and chairs to eat at, and a kitchen at the far end – Lola’s sensitive ears pricked up some singing coming from the kitchen.

“I’m gonna make love to ya, womaaaaaan!” Soul singing, to be exact.

 “Oooh, is this place a music hall too? I’ve always wanted to sing some Mongolian throat singing, that stuff is, like, my jam!”

“I see you’ve heard our chef.” Genie responded. “I couldn’t afford Chef Hatchet like that jerk Chris, but I managed to get someone better. This chapter – er, I mean, episode – is dragging on a bit, but you’ll get to see him later.”

“Let me guess… we’re getting fed gruel?” Roxas questioned as he glanced around. This place didn’t look particularly well-maintained to him.

“Bzzt! Wrong again, anime boy! These meals contain only the finest vitamins known to man! Like vitamin R, commonly found in malk!” Genie did another quick aside to the audience. Sure, they’d be fed actual food after the challenge, but he wanted to have a little fun first. “Not suitable for patients with heart palpitations or high blood pressure…”

“I hope she made lots of spaghetti!” Mario exclaimed in the background. He was summarily ignored.

Meanwhile, Jigglypuff began singing in the background too… and inadvertently put Marge, Garfield, and Squidward to sleep right then and there.

----

“What is that monstrosity?” Gantu exclaimed. Though most of the contestants wouldn’t go that far, it was clear none of them were particularly enthralled by the sight before them.

For before them sat two cabins. The one on the left looked normal(ish), simply being a recreation of Agrabah’s palace. The one on the right, however, looked like a haphazard recreation of Genie’s face, with his mouth making up the door and his eyes making up the two front windows.

“Why, those will be the teams’ new accommodations for the foreseeable future!” Genie responded. “I designed them myself. Now, the Scarabs will get the left cabin, while the Cobras will get the right one. Guys get the left sides; girls get the right sides.”

“It seems a bit small…” Susan examined the cabins, trying not to break anything off with her massive strength. Even at her reduced size, she wouldn’t fit.

“Oh yeah…” Genie hit a button, and one of the nearby mountains opened to reveal a nearby bedroom, big enough to hold both giants at once. “You guys mind sharing?”

“Very well.” Gantu sighed.

“Sure. Not the worst place to sleep, I guess.” Susan shuddered.

----

Scarabs: Boys Side

Ichiban, Roxas, Spot, Garfield, Akechi, and Camilo all funnelled into their new accommodations, one after the other.

“Ah, our inn!” Ichiban declared as he entered. “A sweet place to start our RPG.”

“Yeah!” Camilo cheered. “But… senor Ichiban. What is an ‘RPG’?”

“Senior…?” Ichiban questioned to himself. “I can’t be that old, can I?” He turned to Camilo. “But basically, an RPG is a role-playing game. Basically, a video game where you and a party of your friends go on an epic adventure around the world to stop a great evil. Like Dragon Quest. I used to play those games all the time as a kid.”

“Well, senor, I don’t know what a ‘video game’ is, but I do know what it’s like to play a role.” To demonstrate, he morphed into a perfect copy of Ichiban. “Tada! My gift!”

“Woah, you’re like a mimic enemy…” Ichiban trailed off. “That’s gonna be pretty useful for the challenges, I can tell.”

Elsewhere, in the cabins, Roxas and Spot took another set of bunks. Roxas decided he might as well ask the question if no one else would.

“So… what the heck are you supposed to be, anyways. Some kind of dalmatian?” He didn’t even know what a dalmatian was, yet it still popped into his mind unprompted.

“DALMATIAN?!” Spot yelled, aghast. He had, of course, taken the top bunk before Roxas could. “I’m the Spot, you little-” He quickly stopped and took a breath to calm himself. The kid’s weird darkness portals could come in handy in the future, so he decided not to make an enemy of him this early in the game. “Sorry, force of habit. You would not believe the animal names I’ve been called. Anyways, I’m actually an extra-dimensional anomaly created after a horrific accident with dark matter…” He droned on.

“Sheesh, forget I asked.” Roxas muttered to himself.

Akechi sighed in the background as he looked over his briefcase. He turned to look up at Garfield, who was snugly resting in the top bunk as he did his cat bed. Even on a weird game show, far from the Phantom Thieves, he couldn’t get away from obnoxious talking cats. “Do you ever get the feeling you’re surrounded by absolute fools?”

“All the time.” Garfield responded.

----

Scarabs: Girls Side

Coco, Planetina, Jigglypuff, Squirrel Girl (plus Tippy Toe), Lola, and Goombella all moved one after the other into their new room. Like the guys, it consisted primarily of bunk beds, plus a few windows to look into the outside world.

Coco immediately got to work on her laptop… but as she did, she looked out the window and sighed, now feeling rather sad.

Goombella made her way up to her bunk. “What’s up, sister?”

“Tails and GoGo are on the other team!” She huffed and slammed her laptop shut. “And I wanted to share some of my tech findings with them…”

“Don’t sweat it, girl.” Squirrel Girl responded. “Just hang out with them when we’re not competing.”

“Yeah!” Lola abruptly cut in, hanging from the bunk upside down while holding Jigglypuff in her paws. “Isn’t, like, socializing part of the whole thing of Total Drama anyways?”

“Like, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the weird rabbit makes a good point.” Goombella shrugged (as best she could, given she didn’t have any hands or shoulders).

“Wait, I did?” Lola absentmindedly squeezed Jigglypuff’s cheeks as she did so, ignoring the Pokemon’s protests.

“Really? You guys are cool with that?” Coco questioned.

“Sure! We’re all besties here,” Squirrel Girl added, “’sept for Spot, and I’m getting a weird feeling about Akechi…” before turning to Planetina. “How you doing, Tina?”

Planetina, meanwhile, sat in her bunk, away from the group. In her hands, she clutched a picture of her happily posing with a teenage boy with brown hair and a yellow shirt; Morty.

A tear came to her eye, before she blinked it away and turned to the others. “I’m cool. Really, you guys all seem like pretty nice people… as long as you’re not polluting the Earth.”

“Oh, okay, that’s… nice, I guess.” Squirrel Girl smiled. “Y’know, as a fellow eco-warrior myself, I think we’re totally gonna get along well together! We should hang out after this challenge!”

----

Cobras: Boys Side

“Ah, now this is a place fit for a demigod!” Maui declared as he crammed his massive frame through the doorway. “Granted, it needs more pictures of me,” he put the photo of himself he swiped from Dib on the window, “and maybe a nice big mirror to admire my awesomeness. Isn’t that right, little guy?” The smaller Maui – Mini Maui – on his back jumped in agreement.

“You kidding? This place is a dump!” Squidward moaned atop his bunk. “Great, my first day away from SpongeBob in 25 years and I get stuck with an egomaniac demigod, a big-headed weirdo, the spawn of Davy Jones, and whatever that,” he gestured a tentacle to Mario, who stood on his bunk cross-eyed, “thing is.”

“Hey, stinky! Shut up!” Mario said in response.

“Will you guys shut it?!” Dib yelled, engrossed in his laptop. “I’m trying to see if I can figure out where this island came from. There’s gotta be some kind of weird freaky alien tech involved here.”

Tails flew over to him. “Well, if you wanna know about aliens, I may know a few.”

“Really? You actually believe me?” Dib questioned, a hint of hope in his eyes. “Nobody ever believes me about aliens…”

“Of course!” Tails nodded, putting his paw on the boy’s shoulder in reassurance. “Me and Sonic have seen all sorts of crazy things over all our adventures! There’s the Wisps, and Black Doom, and the Zetis, and the Nocturnus Clan…”

Nero, meanwhile, had decided to perch on a nearby tree outside. His roommates were just a bit too weird for his tastes, and he’d already heard enough bragging from Maui to last him as long as his devil-human lifespan would allow.

“Weirdos.”

----

Cobras: Girls Side

“As your new unquestioned leader, I’m taking the top bunk in the name of the Fire Nation!” Azula proclaimed. “Any dissenters?”

“WHO SAID YOU GET THE TOP BUNK?!” Louise screeched. “I’M THE LEADER HERE!”

Azula simply generated a burst of blue fire from her hand. “Does this answer your question?”

“Woah…” Louise wasn’t scared, as Azula anticipated, but amazed. “You have gotta teach me how to do that. I got a lot of things I need to burn!”

Azula looked slightly shocked – and interested – at the unexpected request. However, before she could respond to that…

“Now, now.” Marge chided in her usual motherly tone. “We’re going to be roommates, so the least we can do is get along. Azula, no burning down the cabin. Louise, shoes off the bed!”

“You dare order me around, whelp?” Azula glared.

Marge simply glared and hummed in disapproval. “I said: GET. ALONG.”

“Okay, MOM!” Louise loudly snarked… even as she did as requested. Even Azula, for all her power, found herself conceding to the blue-haired woman’s demands, unable to resist the ‘mom glare’. The cabin would stay intact… for now.

GoGo, meanwhile, simply facepalmed as she worked on one of her disks. “Why did I have to get stuck with the villain wannabes and weirdos?”

Amity sat on her bunk, looking through her spellbooks. She wasn’t sure what kind of challenges would be expected of her, so she’d made sure to pack a few different ones… just in case.

As she looked through them, one of them slipped out of her hands… and Abby took notice.

“Oooh, what’s this?” She curiously picked up the book. It read: ‘The Good Witch Azura’.

Amity abruptly snatched it away, blushing furiously. “Don’t touch that!” She glared at Abby. “You saw nothing, human.”

“Hey, what’s your deal?!” Abby snapped back. “I was just curious!”

Amity didn’t respond, clearly unsure of how to. Where she came from, fraternizing with humans was strictly forbidden, and her mom would probably throw a fit if she dared to befriend one on ‘live TV’.

She sighed. Even if this human seemed harmless, she couldn’t risk it. “Go away. It’ll be safer for everyone if we don’t talk.”

“Wha? But you… I…” Abby stumbled over her words. “I’m trying to-I… [Fine, be that way]!” She walked off in a rage. Why did one of the only girls around her age on her team have to be so… closed off?

----

Giants’ Cave

Ginormica lay on her bed to the left, while Gantu lifted some makeshift weights on the right side.

“So, another giant. Who’d’ve thought?” Susan started, wanting to break the ice. “And you’re… an alien. Wow…”

Gantu looked up from his position. “You do seem rather oversized for a human.”

“Yeah, getting hit by a meteor full of weird space gunk does that.” She huffed. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, the strength’s pretty cool, but sometimes I wish I could shrink down and live as a normal girl every once in a while.”

“You… would rather be a small, weak, pathetic human girl?” Gantu questioned, genuinely confused.

“Hey, this ‘small, weak, pathetic human’ could still take you in a straight fight.” Susan huffed. “You’re not exactly the first alien I’ve beat.”

“Is that right?” Gantu challenged, putting his fist out for an arm-wrestling match. “Would you like to put that to the test?”

She grinned back. “Oh, you’re on!”

----

“DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN!” Genie’s voice rang loudly throughout the speakers across the island. “This is your captain speaking! All campers report to the cliff at the very end of Pahkitew Island, pronto… and bring your swimsuits! You’ll need them! Genie out!”

----

Confessional: Amity

“Well, it’s only the first challenge. How hard could it be for an accomplished witch like me?”

----

Confessional: Nero

“Knowing that crazy Genie, it’s probably going to be something painful.” He grinned, flexing his mechanical arm. “To that, I say… bring it on.”

----

Confessional: Jigglypuff

Jigglypuff dozed off in the confessional. “Puff… zzzzzzz…”

----

Confessional: Genie

Genie teleported into the confessional, wearing his lifeguard outfit once again. “Now, dear viewers. I got a question for you. What’s the one challenge just about every Total Drama fan knows, and which just about every rewrite starts off with?”

----

Cut to all of the contestants, now wearing swimsuits and standing over a massive, 100-foot-tall cliff.

“HOLY CRAP!” Louise yelled.

Chapter Text

(note: sing this song to the theme of 'Arabian Nights' from Aladdin, complete with the Peddler's voice)

Welcome aboard, to a game full of strife

The camera pans across the island, past Genie, who is sitting in a director's chair (complete with stereotypical outfit and megaphone), and up to the cliff, where Ichiban strikes a heroic pose with his bat in the air, before slipping off the edge.

Where chaos and drama will ruin your life!

As it goes down the cliff, we see Squirrel Girl and Tippy-Toe reclining as they fall into the water, where we also see Lola Bunny floating underwater without a care in the world.

With islands of lies, and storms of surprise

As it rises up, we see a boat in the water piloted by Dib and Goombella. Dib is taking pictures as he searches for supernatural phenomena, while Goombella is reading from her book. The two suddenly panic as their boat almost falls down a waterfall, only for Planetina to fly in and save the day.

And one wish to change it all—if you survive!

As it pans to the cabins, we see Susan and Gantu arm-wrestling using the Scarabs' cabin as a makeshift table. They are distracted by two blurs – one yellow and one blue – which has Susan take her chance to overpower Gantu.

On this wild, wild isle, in the heat of the fight

As the camera pans to the right, we see GoGo and Nero racing side-by-side, competitive expressions on their faces… before Akechi and Camilo trip the two flat on their faces and walk off, whistling innocently.

There's gold in the game, and a wish shining bright!

On the ground, Tails and Coco are exchanging information, before Spot hacks into a nearby control panel and sets Tails' Miles Electric and Coco's laptop on fire, to their horror. As he laughs, he accidentally falls one of his holes on the ground and disappears.

You'll scheme, and you'll clash, through day and through night

Elsewhere in the woods, Roxas is trying to brood... only to be bombarded with Squidward playing his clarinet, Maui flexing, and Marge nagging, at which point he disappears in a portal of darkness.

In the world of… Pahkitew Nights!

In the mess hall, Chef sings as Jigglypuff joins him. In the background, Garfield prepares to eat lasagna before Jigglypuff's singing puts him to sleep, at which point she angrily jumps at him with a marker.

Lose your pride or lose your mind,

Further along, we see Amity reading 'The Good Witch Azura' while sitting on her abomination… only for Abby to jump out with a crazy grin on her face, startling Amity into falling off while Abby backs off sheepishly.

For the prize that all mankind…

The background changes to fire as Azula sits on a makeshift throne, grinning maniacally before Louise kicks a tree, causing a beehive to land on Azula, who runs off screaming as Louise takes over and laughs psychotically.

Would sell their souls to win tonight—

As the flames turn to a sunset in the background, we see Coco and Tails about to kiss, before Genie abruptly interrupts them with a marshmallow in his hand. As the camera zooms out, we see the entire cast sitting around the campfire, with the Scarabs on the left and the Cobras on the right.

It's Total Drama… Pahkiteeeeeeeeew Niiiiiiiiiiiiiights!

And then Mario abruptly jumps right into the camera.

"AAAND, WE'RE BACK!" Genie announced, gripping his microphone like the world depended on it. "We are back in Pahkitew Island, set within the world of Canada… home to maple syrup, moose, and cheap flash cartoons with a ton of fart jokes. Seriously, what's with all the fart jokes?"

"Anyways…" he gestured his hand over to the massive cliff behind him. Atop it stood 26 contestants, all looking down at the steep drop and talking to each other with various mixes of fear, excitement, and confusion. "If you're just tuning in, these guys are currently prepping for their first challenge, a proven classic among reality show fanfic writers. I call it… drumroll please…"

An accompanying track played in the background. "THE THOUSAND-FOOT DROP OF SHAME!"

Dramatic chord! "Okay, so it's more of a hundred-foot drop, but a thousand-foot drop sounds cooler, trust me."

Cut to him atop the cliff, addressing the contestants. "Now, the goal is simple. You all gotta jump off this massive cliff and land in the safe spot in the middle. Every team member that jumps gets their team a point. The team with the most points wins and gets this totally chic hot tub for the rest of the season!" The camera panned to a beautiful golden hot tub – shaped to look like a magic lamp, back at the cabins. "Now, any questions?"

He was immediately bombarded with an array of responses.

"ARE YOU INSANE?!"

"HOW ARE WE-"

"THAT'S WAY TOO HIGH!"

"-TRYING TO GET US KILLED?!"

"I WANT A LAWYER!"

"Are you a real Genie?"

Everyone abruptly shut up and turned to look at Lola, who simply shrugged in confusion. "What? Someone had to ask."

"Why yes, I am a real genie, thank you for asking." Genie grinned. "Now, since we're calm, raise your hands and I'll answer your questions in due time. Yes… Akechi."

"With all due respect," he gritted his teeth, "how on Earth are we supposed to jump from this height and survive?"

"Excellent question, detective boy!" Genie pointed to the water. "You see that circle in the middle? That's the safe zone. Land there and you'll get a point for your team!"

"And if we land outside the safe zone?" Nero inquired.

"Well, you'll get a point for your team… and you'll also be at the mercy of the local wildlife." At the bottom of the cliff, several animals gathered in anticipation… including an anthropomorphic shark with legs and a bear in scuba gear.

"Those poor creatures…" Planetina exclaimed, before recoiling at what she felt from the water. "Is this water… POLLUTED?!"

"Sick…" Louise added. She had temporarily switched out her bunny ears for a pink swimming cap. "Is this this weird nuclear crap water gonna give me superpowers or cancer?"

Tails' Miles Electric simply sputtered out smoke in response to him attempting to analyse it. "I can't make sense of these readings!" The young fox said. Coco's laptop did little better.

"So, probably a 50/50 chance of weird mutations versus… agonizing death." Roxas muttered in response.

"Okay, scaredy cats…" Genie shrugged. "I'll show you it's perfectly safe. Bring out an intern!"

To the contestants' surprise, an intern was pushed on-screen; a skinny old man with a swirly beard, shadowed eyes, and donning a golden cobra staff… which contrasted heavily with the baggy intern outfit – consisting of a blue shirt with Genie's face on it, a red belt, and dark blue pants – he'd been forced into.

"Must I…?" Jafar muttered, clearly annoyed by the whole deal.

"Hey, we made a deal, Jaffy! You do a little community service and act as an intern for this season, and I don't throw your lamp back into the Cave of Wonders for trying to kill my buddy, Al!"

Jafar shuddered, recalling the last time someone found his lamp. "Very well. What is your wish… master?"

Genie simply shoved him off the cliff. After about a minute of falling, Jafar ungracefully landed in the water… outside the safe zone.

"Well, this does not appear to…" A shark abruptly brushed by his leg. "What was that?" He abruptly came face-to-face with Fang the shark, at which point he screamed like a little girl and immediately bolted off to shore while the shark chased him.

"See, he's fine! You'd be surprised what you can live through…" Genie, unmoved by Jafar's screams of terror and anguish, turned back to the campers.

"Of course, if you're scared, you can chicken out and head back down the old, boring way… if you don't mind donning some feathers for the rest of the day." He turned into a giant chicken and even clucked a few times for emphasis. "Now, first the Scarabs will go, then the Cobras. And one more thing: since I'm a nice guy, I'll let you use whatever means you want to get down there… but no flying for more than three seconds."

Confessional: Ichiban

"We're gonna pull this off, or my name isn't Ichiban Kasuga!" Ichiban sat with his arms folded, wearing a snazzy red pair of trunks. "I think we've got some of the coolest guys around!"

Confessional: Goombella

"ARE YOU SERIAL RIGHT NOW?!" Goombella cried. Unlike most of the contestants, she did not have a swimsuit. "I'M MADE OF PAPER! I'LL, LIKE, MELT IF I GO IN THERE!"

Confessional: Camilo

"I think this cliff is even higher than the mountains back home." Camilo had elected to simply take off his shirt and top to go swimming in his black pants. "And we don't have seas like this back at Encanto either."

Scarabs

The thirteen members all stood atop the cliff, unsure of who should go first.

"Well, I'm out." Garfield (who was wearing a pair of floaties, a rubber ring, and swimming trunks with pictures of lasagna on them) said… before he noticed Jigglypuff curiously looking over the cliff's edge.

He turned to the camera while readying a kick. "But first, there's something I gotta do. There's no dogs around here, but I see at least three or four stupid things with big dumb floppy ears, so…"

He kicked Jigglypuff right as she prepared to rest…

BOOM!

Only to get abruptly launched into the air and sent flying off the cliff the instant Jigglypuff fell asleep, landing in the safe zone with a massive splash. Jigglypuff, for her part, didn't even realize she'd been kicked as she remained asleep on the cliff's edge.

"W-what just happened…?" Garfield said between spurts of water as he resurfaced. For no clear reason, he now had a flower on his head.

"Nice work, Garfield!" Squirrel Girl called down to him. "Didn't think you had it in ya!"

"Yeah, not bad." Roxas added, grinning at the cat.

"I guess you're not entirely useless after all…" Spot responded.

Emboldened by Garfield's… "brave" display, the rest of the Scarabs all took turns leaping, one after the other.

Spot decided to use his holes to skip the jump altogether. He promptly knocked himself into the cliff's wall several times while trying to get a good angle and landed outside the safe zone, where he promptly fled from Scuba Bear.

Roxas opted to glide down, landing in the safe zone with grace. "Nice!"

Lola spun her ears to slow her descent, before landing outside the safe zone. When Fang tried to bite her…

WHAM!

She kicked him into the stratosphere. "Rabbit stew's not on the menu today, shark boy! At least I don't think it is? Might need to check my schedule, I'm pretty much always busy." She blew a raspberry, before turning to a slightly confused and nervous Scuba Bear. "Oh, hey, Gossamer! You're looking a bit browner, and more bearish than yesterday…"

"C'mon, Tippy Toe!" Squirrel Girl leapt off the edge, using her tail to gain height. The camera cut away to her fellow Scarabs as they watched in amazement.

"Woah!" Coco channelled her brother for a moment. "She's doing all kinds of crazy flips!"

"And right in the safe zone, too!" Camilo whistled.

"Truly an impressive display." Even Akechi was impressed by it.

"How about you, ladies?" Ichiban turned to Planetina and Ginormica, who both looked a bit uneasy. Planetina had looked rather uneasy since she realized the extent of the water's pollution, while Ginormica just looked a bit nervous at the sheer drop, even backing away a couple of steps as the world swirled around her.

"I… might be just a little itsy-bitsy afraid of heights." Susan awkwardly chuckled.

Confessional: Ginormica

"Yeah, yeah, save it with the jokes. I mean, it's not the height part that freaks me out, I'm kind of used to that, but…" She frowned. She was wearing a black and orange two-piece swimsuit resembling her main uniform. "You ever almost fall to your death out of a crazy alien spaceship?"

"Seriously?" Goombella muttered in response. "You're, like, a giantess and you're afraid of heights?!"

"And I'm weak to pollution, and this water is very polluted." Planetina weakly uttered in response. "It makes me lose my powers."

"Oh, for the love of-"

Confessional: Garfield

"If I hadn't already jumped off, I probably would have done it anyways after listening to those idiots argue."

"Hey, let's just calm down." Ichiban put his hands up to placate the group before they could start arguing again. "There's gotta be a solution…"

"GERONIMO!" Camilo yelled as he leapt into the water in the background. He'd taken on the form of Captain Gantu for maximum splashing potential. As he landed in the water, he made such a splash that the other campers could see it from atop the cliff.

Coco got an idea. She turned to Susan. "Hey Susan. You don't wanna see Gantu upstage you, do ya?"

Akechi caught on. "It would be quite embarrassing if our giant were to lose against the other giant in the first event of the season, wouldn't it?" And with that, Akechi and Coco both leapt off the edge, with Akechi pulling an amazingly coordinated landing, and Coco landing butt-first in the water.

"Good thing I waterproofed this thing…" Coco clutched her laptop for dear life. Akechi, meanwhile, quietly backed away from the shark that glared at him from outside the safe zone.

"Besides, if any of you guys drown, we'll all be there to save ya! Count on it!" Ichiban boasted, before flipping down the edge… at which point he painfully bellyflopped onto the hard water and unceremoniously sunk below the waves.

The rest of the Scarabs (and even some of the Cobras) recoiled at the sight.

Confessional: Spot

"How can such a bumbling idiot be so… persuasive?!" Spot yelled. He wore a white pair of trunks with black spots on them, matching his body. "Kasuga's going to be a particularly annoying pest to deal with, that I can tell."

Confessional: Azula

"Imbecile." Azula simply facepalmed. She wore a white bikini with the Fire Nation insignia on certain parts of it.

Confessional: Ichiban

"Didn't hurt!" Ichiban boasted again… though he slightly cringed in pain after accidentally brushing one of his bruised ribs. "Trust me, when you spend about 18 years in prison, you learn to toughen up real fast… ow."

"I've already… defeated… so many evil polluters in the past, I can do this…" Planetina finally worked up the courage to jump. "FOR THE PLANET, AND FOR TINA-TEERS EVERYWHERE!" She yelled as she flipped off the edge. As she fell, she used her powers of dirt to generate platforms from the cliff's side, which she jumped off to slow her descent.

Unfortunately, when she landed…

"AAAAAIEEEEEEE!" She screamed in agony at the state of the water, for it was so polluted that it practically burned her skin. "Get me out!"

Confessional: Planetina

Planetina sat in the confessional, still wearing her bathing suit (which resembled her superhero costume, but remade as a leotard). "If I ever get my hands on that slimeball Chris, I'm gonna f*king… RAAAAAAAGH!" She literally exploded in anger at the thought of the man's atrocities against nature, setting the confessional alight as her hair and skin turned flaming red.

Confessional: Dib

"Is this girl an alien too?! She burned worse than Zim!" Dib wore a black and white pair of trunks with magnifying glasses and eyeballs on them. He pulled out a voice recorder. "Note to self, keep tabs on the blue-skinned alien girl… even if her disguise looks better than Zim's… and stop whatever nefarious plot she's planning."

Confessional: Genie

"Yeah, the last owner didn't exactly leave this place in an 'environmentally friendly' state, if you get what I mean…" He whispered in the viewers' ears. "If I gave the guy real riches instead of chocolate coins, I'd probably feel a bit ripped-off, not gonna lie…"

As she was about to sink…

"Gotcha!" Roxas rushed into the sea and pulled her up, aided by a resurfacing Ichiban who surfaced like a dragonfish, befitting the tattoo on his back, and looked just a bit bruised all over.

"Thanks…"

"Don't mention it." Roxas moved his shoulders in the closest he could get to a shrug while holding her.

"Attaboy, Roxas." Ichiban smiled, ruffling the boy's hair (to his slight annoyance). "Knew you were a good kid."

"Yeah, yeah…"

"Now, could you two get me to shore?" Planetina interjected. "My powers should come back once I'm out of this horrible water."

"Sure, let's just…" Roxas' jaw dropped as a massive shadow enveloped the group.

"CANNONBAAAAAAAALLLLLL!" Susan screamed as she cannonballed into the water, her massive frame displacing pretty much all the Scarabs still in at that point. When the water cleared, just about all the other Scarabs (minus Jigglypuff and Goombella) had washed up on the shore. "Oops, guess I still don't know my own strength…" She sheepishly chuckled.

Back up at the cliff, Jigglypuff finally woke up from her nap. "Ah… puff?"

Genie promptly clarified the situation. "Either jump off the edge and get a point for your team, or don't jump, don't get a point," he shifted into the Monopoly man, complete with moustache and top hat, "and do not collect $200 when you pass 'go'."

"Puff!" Jigglypuff bounced off the ledge… and continued to fall after several seconds straight. Very, very slowly.

"This… could take a while." Genie sighed. "And you, Goombella?"

She sighed, clearly not wanting to but having no other choice. "I can't. Chicken me." She turned to the other Scarabs, who were gathering on the beach. "I'm sorry!"

Genie snapped his fingers, turning her into a paper chicken… with her normal Goomba head on top. She walked down the cliff in shame.

"Now, while we wait for Jigglypuff to land…" He morphed into a blue-skinned copy of Jafar, and spoke in a quieter, slimier voice. "Bring on the Cobras…"

Scarabs: 11/13

Cobras

The Cobras all looked on in varying states of anxiety and disbelief. The Scarabs' score would be tough to beat at this point, and given the state of some of their performances, the Cobras were naturally a bit nervous themselves.

Gantu cautiously stepped away from the ledge upon hearing it crack under his weight.

"So… who's gonna jump first?" Amity questioned. She nervously clutched her green hair, looking rather uneasy as she slightly backed away from the edge.

"Well, as the team leader, I-" Azula prepared a speech… but GoGo barged past her before she could get a word in.

"I'll go first." GoGo stepped forward in a tone that left no room for argument. "We're tough, dependable, and we've got the skills to beat those posers. Woman up and we can do this!"

Confessional: GoGo

"Hey, someone's gotta lead this team to victory. Normally I'd leave the leader business to Hiro, but since he's not here…" She shrugged. She was wearing a black and yellow bikini with tech patterns on it, reminiscent of her hero suit. "Besides, I'm getting a weird feeling about Azula. Someone's gotta keep that girl in check."

As she leapt off the edge, she used her disks to slow her momentum, skating down in descending circles in a spectacular fashion before landing dead-centre in the safe zone. As she resurfaced, she wryly grinned and beckoned for the rest of the team to come down.

Nero whistled appreciatively. "Damn. Respect."

"Yeah! Score one for the Koreans, sister!" Abby cheered. She sighed, dreamily. "[She's so cool…]"

Azula just scowled in response.

Confessional: Azula

"I see we have another attempted usurper among us. Very well, I shall play along for now, bide my time until the right moment, then…" She generated electricity from her palm. "We'll see how tough GoGo really is when she has 300 volts coursing through her body."

Nero leapt down next. He used Red Queen to stab into the cliff's edge and slow his descent, before turning down to run straight down the cliff and somersault into the water.

He, of course, landed straight in the safe zone. When Fang tried to chomp at him from outside the zone, he nonchalantly punched the mutated shark in the face.

Tails was up next. He looked nervous at the sheer drop, knowing he couldn't use his tails (or his Tornado plane) to just go all the way down like he normally would.

"C'mon, Tails!" Coco called up to him from the seaside. "You can do it!"

"Yeah, you got this, fox boy." GoGo smirked.

"Alright, here goes nothing…" Tails obliged, rolling into a ball and leaping down. When he reached the bottom, he used his tails to hover in place for a moment before landing in the safe zone.

Coco swam over to embrace him, which he happily returned. "I knew you could do it!"

Dib dramatically pointed at Gantu. "YOU! Alien!"

"What is it…?" Gantu groaned. He could feel a headache coming on from the troq's incessant yelling.

"You may have everyone else fooled, but I know what you're up to, you freak! You plan on conquering our world and using us as some weird food source! Or maybe you're just gonna destroy us all! Or you'll steal all our ham to use for some crazy alien ritual, or…"

As Dib ranted, walking ever so slightly closer to the edge, Louise pulled Gantu aside and whispered something in his ear.

Gantu grinned. He was preparing to pound the boy flat if he didn't stop prattling, but the Earth girl's idea sounded much better. The instant Dib reached the edge, Gantu simply kneeled and used one of his massive fingers to flick him into the water below.

"CURSE YOUUUUUUUUU-!" Dib resurfaced in the safe zone looking noticeably deflated, with his hair sticking down to his head. The two simply laughed at his pain.

"Finally. Thought he'd never shut up." Squidward deadpanned, heading to the exit.

"Aren't you some kind of squid… who, y'know, lives in water?" Louise deadpanned.

"I'm an octopus, barnacle head. And I prefer living and not dying in a stupid way."

"C'mon, Squiddy!" Maui said, grabbing the squid with one of his muscular arms before he could escape. "Where's your sense of adventure?"

"Put me down, you big oaf!"

"Shabbidydooooooooo!" Maui cheered as he leapt off the cliff with Squidward in hand. Squidward, for his part, simply screamed out of sheer fear, panic, and confusion.

The resulting splash made shockwaves across the island from Maui's massive weight.

"A 10-outta-10 landing, if I do say so myself!" As he finally released Squidward, the octopus was too shocked to speak… until he came face to face with Fang, who looked eager for some seafood.

"AAAAAHHHHHH! GET ME OUTTA HERE!" Squidward screamed and leapt onto Maui's head for safety.

Confessional: Dib

"Sometimes, I don't know why I bother."

Confessional: Squidward

Squidward wore a pair of purple trunks, but, ironically, no shirt. "This is the worst summer camp I've ever been to. It's also the only summer camp I've been to, so if they're all as soul-crushing as this one, count me out."

Confessional: Maui

"Mwah! Mwah!" Maui kissed his muscles while flexing. He looked about the same as usual, but he had his hair tied up so it wouldn't get in the way. "Oh, sorry, I was just thinking about how awesome I am. We Cobras have totally got this, so long as I'm here!"

And then they were all abruptly sent flying when Gantu (with Louise clinging to his shoulder) leapt into the water, creating a massive splash that enveloped the entire island.

"And that's why I was a Galactic Federation Officer." Gantu smugly responded as he resurfaced.

"Nice work, big guy." Louise responded. "I can tell we're gonna make some awesome trouble together. Hehehe…"

"LET'S BURN THIS PLACE TO THE GROUND!" Abby dramatically yelled, hyped by the sheer energy of the event, before leaping off the cliff headfirst. Somehow, she landed straight in the safe zone without issue (though she did have a few near misses on the way down).

Mario followed a few seconds later, glitching down the cliff while continuing to thrust backwards. He landed outside the safe zone… and came face-to-face with Scuba Bear. "What's up?"

Scuba Bear took him in his mouth and bit his head off. "MAMA F*CKER!"

Eventually, it came down to just Azula, Amity, and Marge.

"Now, you girls shouldn't be doing this." Marge chided. "Away from the ledge. We'll be walking down the cliff. It's safer this way."

Azula turned to Marge. "You go on ahead. I'll try to… reason with Amity and make sure she doesn't do something she'll regret."

"Hmmm… okay." Marge left to go down the cliff, not seeing anything untrustworthy about Azula. Genie, of course, turned her into a chicken like Goombella as she went down.

"C'mon, Am!" Abby called from the safe zone. "You got this! MAKE THE BIGGEST SPLASH EVER and DROWN US ALLLLLL!"

"I… I don't know if I can do this…" Amity mumbled to herself, now looking as green as her hair, which she clutched nervously. The necklace around her neck glowed something fierce.

"Scared?" Azula inquired in mock curiosity. "It's okay. I understand. A 100-foot drop into strange new waters, in a land surrounded by strangers, and I doubt that abomination of yours could survive in there either. Why, I don't think anyone would hold it against you if you just gave up now."

"But… I…"

"Don't worry." She smiled. "I know we have enough manpower to tie, and then we shall simply conquer those Scarabs in whatever tiebreaker that twisted genie comes up with."

"I… I…" Amity sighed, before slumping and walking back down the cliff. "…I'm sorry." Like Goombella and Marge before her, she was turned into a giant chicken with her head intact.

Azula leapt down the cliff a few seconds later, gripping onto the cliff's side to slow her descent, then using her firebending to hover above the water for a couple of seconds, and landing in the safe zone as planned.

Cobras: 11/13

"AAAAAND IT'S A TIEEEEEE!" Genie burst in. "We've got 11 Scarabs and 11 Cobras who jumped. We're 11 for 11 here, so now we-"

And then Jigglypuff finally landed in the water.

Scarabs: 12/13

"Oops, forgot about the puffball down there…" Genie rubbed the back of his head. "Never mind! Scarabs win!" The Scarabs, who had all gathered on the beach by this point, happily cheered. "Cobras, you're up for elimination." The Cobras sighed in disappointment… except for Azula, who simply grinned.

Confessional: Amity

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" She slapped herself silly. She'd donned a light pinkish-purple swimsuit. "I should've jumped! But then Mom would have killed me for messing up her… er, my hair…" She sighed again. "I'm a goner."

Confessional: Azula

"It's all going according to plan. One less potential rival to worry about, and I can seal my dominance over these poor, pitiful fools."

Mess Hall

The Scarabs and Cobras were waiting in line for their food. The chef, who served up food served for each camper's dietary recommendations as he sang, was a heavyset black man with a black beard, wearing a red shirt, blue pants, and a white apron and chef's hat.

"Gonna lay you down by the fire!

And caress your-"

"Alright, that's enough of that!" Genie cut the man's song short before he could get to the more… risqué parts. "This is a PG-rated show, thank you very much!"

"Aw…" Gerome McElroy – better known to the citizens of South Park as "Chef" – slumped, visibly disappointed. "We were just gettin' to the hot stuff."

Genie turned to the camera, as an aside. "Yeah, we needed a chef to feed these guys, so why not the original Chef? What can I say, the man's a true soul brotha!"

Chef served Maui, Amity, Tails, Ichiban… then Maui again.

"More quesadillas, senior?" 'Maui' said.

Chef simply whacked the second Maui in the head with his spatula, causing him to revert into Camilo.

"Worth a shot." Camilo rubbed his head. "Ow…"

"So… who are we gonna vote out?" GoGo inquired.

"I say we vote out Gantu!" Dib responded. "I can see it in his cold dead eyes; he's plotting to play us all for saps and use that wish to terraform our planet!"

"Weirdo." Louise whispered to Abby, who tried to hold back her laughter at that.

"You said that two minutes ago, kid." Nero facepalmed at Dib's ravings. "Besides, this guy's nothing compared to some of the demons I've thought. Now, Urizen? That guy's a real piece of work."

"I still can hear you, you know." Gantu deadpanned from outside the cabin.

"Ladies. Gentlemen." Azula interjected, silencing the discussion with a wave of her fire-infused hand. "I know who we should vote out…"

She pointed to Amity.

"What!? Me?"

"Why yes, you. You constantly boast about having great magical power, yet you didn't use any of it when it could have been helpful. How do we know you'll be useful later on if you keep freezing up?"

"But… Mrs. Simpson didn't do the challenge either." Amity pointed her thumb at Marge.

Marge slumped, not trying to defend herself.

Azula decided to press the offensive even more. "She acknowledges her limitations."

"BURN THE WITCH!" Louise yelled out of nowhere, pulling out a lighter as she chanted.

"Yeah, burn the-wait, you're a witch?" Dib responded. "I thought you were some weird elf."

Tails interjected. "Maybe we should give her another chance..."

"I don't care." Squidward shrugged. "You're all just as annoying to me."

"BURN THE WITCH!" Louise simply continued her chanting, lighting her lighter with every chant. "BURN THE BI-!"

"Language, young lady!" Marge chided.

"Get off me!" Amity finally yelled as her eyes glowed purple. "I messed up, okay! Get off my back! I'll do better next time, so just LEAVE ME ALONE!"

The ground shook as she was two steps away from summoning her abomination again... before Abby put a hand on her back to calm her down… and Amity did so with a breath. Before anyone could stop her, Amity ran off.

Azula smugly grinned in response. "I rest my case."

"Alright, calm down, girls. You're all pretty." GoGo rubbed her temples, trying to ignore Louise's insane comments. "Now, we'll need to be strategic about this, so calm down and get your heads back down to Earth before I drag you all down there myself. We aren't going to get anywhere in this game if we're all yelling at each other."

As this was going on, Abby turned to Tails, hushing a whisper into his ear. "[We gotta figure out a way to save Amity]!"

"Got it." After translating her Korean through his Miles Electric, Tails quickly conducted a plan in his head. He rapidly typed commands into his device to tap into the island's technology… and after connecting to the mess hall's tech, he launched a plate of spaghetti onto the table.

Mario took notice… and a switch flipped in his head.

The resulting experience was so terrifying that it had to be censored for public television. Let's just say, it involved a lot of contestants being thrust into, covered in spaghetti, and subjected to all kinds of unspeakable horrors.

When it was done, Mario lay on the table – nude – and burped loudly. Around him, all of the other contestants were very disoriented… and some would say, terrified… or at least annoyed.

"You ate all of our food too, you jerk!" Maui complained. Mario had eaten one of his roast chickens. "Now how am I gonna keep this marvellous physique up…?"

"Oh my…" Marge gasped. She screamed as Mario noticed a string of spaghetti in her hair and leapt after it, running around inside like a deranged bug.

And then he blew up the table with a "Waluigi Launcher". Where he got it, nobody knew… and nobody wanted to know.

Abby and Tails high-fived in the background… before Abby gripped Tails in a bone-crushing hug.

The Cobras all sat by the campfire. It was dark, with stars in the sky and the fire lighting the area around them. None of them were looking forward to the first elimination ceremony of the season.

"Now, if I say your name, you get a free marshmallow, and you're safe for another few days." Genie started, now looking rather solemn. "If I don't, you're eliminated from the show… and – shock and horror! – you don't get a marshmallow! The lucky contestants are…"

"Nero."

"Gantu."

"Tails."

"Louise."

"Abby."

"Dib."

"Maui."

"Squidward."

"GoGo."

"Marge."

"Azula."

Eventually, the only contestants without a marshmallow were Amity and Mario. Amity crossed her arms, trying to look impassive, while Mario looked cross-eyed and confused.

"Amity, you didn't jump, and Azula believes you're not useful to the team. Mario, you're a weirdo who none of your team really like. Only one of you will stay to fight another day, and the other… gets the CANNON OF SHAME! The final marshmallow goes to… drumroll, please…"

…

…

…

…

…

Amity looked a bit more nervous, clenching her fingers as if trying not to freak out right then and there.

…

…

…

…

…

Mario simply stared straight forward, not really comprehending the danger he was in.

…

…

…

…

…

"Amity." And with that, Genie threw the final marshmallow to Amity, who gratefully clutched onto it like a lifeline as she released a breath she didn't know she was holding. "Mario, you're the first contestant to be voted off from Total Drama: As Hosted by Genie. What do you have to say about that?"

"WHAT?! THIS IS BULLSH*T!" Mario screamed, before rapidly corrupting out of sheer rage as he roared in more Italian-sounding gibberish. Genie simply gestured for Chef to whack him in the head once more, at which point Mario was loaded into the cannon.

"Get me the heck outta-" Mario called before Genie fired. Mario was sent screaming into the distance, eventually becoming a twinkle in the sky.

Confessional: Abby

"Normally I'd totally be vibing with Mario's chaos, but I gotta save Amity! Ooooh, I can't believe I have to vote off an icon like him… but I have no choooooice…!"

Confessional: Squidward

"Mario. Get that barnacle head away from me before I go insane surrounded by these morons!"

Confessional: Maui

"You sure I can't vote for myself? I mean, with all my feats, and my amazing tats, who wouldn't wanna vote for me?"

Genie quickly whispered something in his ear before vanishing.

"We're voting for who we want gone? Ah… my bad. Mario."

Confessional: Mario

"It's-a-her, Amity! Wahoo!"

Confessional: GoGo

"I guess I'll give Amity another chance. She's prickly, but she kind of reminds me of a younger me, before the hero business started. Sorry, Mario, but you're probably gonna be a pain in the butt to deal with later down the line."

Confessional: Tails

"I'm really sorry, but you're kind of weirding me out, Mario." Tails awkwardly chuckled. "Good thing you love spaghetti way more than the real Mario does!"

Confessional: Nero

"Mario. We have enough crazies on this team."

Confessional: Marge

"Oh my. So many options. What if I pick the wrong one? And I don't really want to vote anyone off, that seems so mean… but that Mario guy freaks me out. He's a real meanie-bo-beanie!"

Confessional: Louise

"Burn the witch! Burn the witch!" Louise chanted. "Boy, that's fun to say!"

Confessional: Gantu

"Amity." Gantu frowned. "Her magic could pose a threat if she's allowed to continue on."

Confessional: Dib

"I don't trust those paranormal creatures. Normally I'd vote Gantu, but since he's not a target… somehow… I'll go with Amity. Never trust a witch… even if she doesn't look like your typical cackling old hag."

Confessional: Azula

"Why, Blight of course. Poor girl's dreadfully unsuited for this kind of competition." She chuckled.

Confessional: Amity

"I'm screwed…" Amity frowned. "But I guess I'll vote Mario. I could hear the commotion he made from outside the hall."

Over at the Scarabs' cabin, they were having the time of their life with their new golden hot tub.

"Ahhh…" Ichiban groaned. "This is the life. I can feel my MP coming back to me already."

"You got that right." Squirrel Girl responded. Tippy-Toe happily chittered in response.

"Si, this is mucho relaxing…" Camilo laid back in the tub, with a satisfied moan. "We should get a tub like this back home."

Garfield practically fell asleep at the edge, while Jigglypuff floated on top like a beach ball. Lola popped her head out while holding a spear with a fish on it… somehow.

Even the composed Akechi found himself leaning into it. Back home, free time for bathing was a scarcity, given his constant public appearances, detective duties, and… other business. "Reminds me of the baths in Tokyo…"

"I can feel the water flowing through my holes…" Spot moaned. The rest of the group awkwardly shuffled away at that. "What? I meant my spots, my portals! Weirdos…"

"Anyways… c'mon, take a load off." Ichiban beckoned to Planetina, who was awkwardly floating off to the side. "You could probably do with it."

"I can't…" Planetina said. "This hot tub is a crime against nature! A man-made object like this in the wild? Gaia is crying at your discard for her rules." And with that, she flew off to parts unknown.

"Oh no… what a shame…" Susan snarked. Even at her smaller size, she was still far too large to fit into the tub, a fact she was rather annoyed by.

"Yeah, boo hoo!" Goombella added. Due to being made of paper, she couldn't even enjoy the tub without risking her body falling apart.

"Oh! Selfie time!" Coco pulled out her phone. "Everyone, say 'VICTORY'!"

"VICTORY!"

Coco snapped a photo of the team members who were still present. "#survivedtotaldrama, #winners, #scarabs, #hottubbing… wait a sec… where's Roxas?"

"I think I saw him head over to the cliff." Lola ducked her head out again. "At least, I think it was him. Probably could have been any number of edgy anime teens with giant keys on their backs."

Spot piped in. "I dunno why, the kid's missing something with this water in my… ahhhhh…"

"EEEEEEEWWWWWWW!"

Roxas sat at the edge of the cliff, wondering why, as he clutched a sea-salt ice cream in his hand. He had no idea why he felt drawn to such a place, but as he sat up there, looking at the stars, he felt… content… yet melancholy at the same time, like something was at the edge of his mind, but he couldn't articulate what was missing.

"Why did the keyblade choose me? And… why can't I remember anything?"

Amity sat alone in a tree branch, wanting to be alone, with her face in her hands. She'd retreated to the safety of solitude, not wanting to face her team after that display, with only her Abomination for company. As it awkwardly pet her on the back, she sighed, looking up at the stars.

"Wish you were here, Luz. Heck, I'd even take Willow… though who knows if she'd still want to take me?"

Her necklace glowed again. "Yes, mom," she sighed, "I won't slip up again."

Back at his cave, Gantu opened a communicator on his wrist. "Gantu, reporting in. I have successfully infiltrated the show for the time being."

"Excellent, most excllent!" A strange, scratchy, vaguely German voice blasted through the speakers as a bizarre, white gerbil-like creature wearing a red cape laughed on-screen. "My plan is coming together… perfectly…"

"Will there be anything else, Hamsterviel?"

"Nadda! But keep me informed and try to blend in! You must get me zat wish by any means necessary!" And with that, the screen turned off.