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Language:
English
Series:
Part 6 of Animal AUs
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Published:
2013-10-31
Completed:
2015-06-26
Words:
15,204
Chapters:
14/14
Comments:
218
Kudos:
741
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142
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12,643

Something Wicked This Way Comes?

Chapter 4

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“Hang on,” Bilbo said, reaching out to poke Bofur in the side when the cat didn’t pay him any attention (talking or not, cats were still cats it seemed, even if Bofur was now ignoring him because he was playing on his phone and not just staring out into space like cats usually seemed to like doing).

“I need to be at work tomorrow.” He looked at his watch. “Today even.”

Bilbo couldn’t believe that he was only now realising this. Or… well, he rather could believe that actually. Compared to invisible buses his own absentmindedness was a lot easier to take in. Or compared to talking cats. Or giant books suddenly appearing. Or skylights suddenly appearing.

Yeah, on second thought, Bilbo definitely could believe that he’d forgotten that he had a work that he needed to go to.

“Don’t worry,” Bofur said without looking up from his phone. “It’ll be taken care of.”

“No, still worrying,” Bilbo said after a moment. “Are you going to enchant my co-workers?!”

“Or, we’ll just phone and tell them you’re sick. Throat infection. Can’t talk, very contagious.”

“Oh.” Bilbo deflated. “Ah, well, that would work.”

“Glad to have your approval,” Bofur said, little kitty face splitting in a wide grin as the phone beeped. Bilbo still wasn’t quite used to that. Creatures with very pointy, sharp-looking teeth usually didn’t smile, and he was rather figuring out why.

Not that he felt threatened. Not really. Bofur seemed about as threatening as a teddy bear. Albeit one with fangs. (Were they still called canines on cats? It seemed a little… wrong.)

“Wait.” Bilbo’s eyes widened. “How long will we be gone for? You’ve not told me.” Another thought occurred. “And I’ve not packed, not even a handkerchief.” He didn’t even have his wallet.

“Bilbo, if you want a handkerchief, you can just magic one up.”

“Is that the technical term?” Bilbo asked faintly, sinking down a little in his seat. “And I’m fairly sure that would be breaking all sorts of laws of physics.”

Rather like invisible buses, or even, invisible, flying buses, did.

Bilbo glanced out the window. The world did seem to still be there, he could see the street light below them, no black holes had started to form, so maybe…

There hadn’t been anything in his mother’s book about handkerchiefs, but if Bofur said that he could just ‘magic one up’…

Bilbo concentrated and poof (!) a handkerchief did appear in his hand. Only without the poof, really. It was suddenly just there. Looking perfectly ordinary, and no black holes appeared, so Bilbo decided to consider it a success. Even if the pattern looked a little wonky.

“Um,” Bofur looked at him with wide eyes. “Bilbo, you’re not really supposed to be able to do that.”

“But you said I could?” Bilbo protested, waving the handkerchief in Bofur’s face as proof. “You said.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t even say the spell.” Bofur looked around and lowered his voice slightly. “There are supposed to be limitations. Why do you think your mum had a book as thick as a- something very thick? What would be the point of that if you could just do anything you wanted anyway?”

“Oh.” Bilbo looked at the handkerchief and tried to make it go away. It agreeably popped out of existence. “Is that better?”

“Not really,” Bofur said slowly. Then he snorted. It was disturbing to hear a cat snort. “You’re going to be a real interesting one, aren’t you?”

“I’m not though,” Bilbo protested. “I don’t think anyone has ever said that I was interesting in my entire life. I work in a library.”

Bofur tutted. “Don’t sell yourself short. Nothing wrong with libraries. Except the mice.”

“You don’t like mice?” Bilbo asked.

“Not the one in libraries.” Bofur made a face. “They taste like dust.”

“Oh.” If there was something more profound he could say to that, Bilbo did not know it. “You never told me how long we’d be gone for,” he said instead.

“It was only supposed to be for the day,” Bofur said contemplatively. “But considering what you just did with the handkerchief…”

Bilbo showed the cat his empty hands. “No handkerchief here. Nothing at all to see.”

“… we might just end up staying a little longer. Thorin will want to see you.”

“Thorin?”

“He’s our king,” Bofur explained.

“Witches have kings?”

“And queens,” the cat nodded. “Sometimes both at once. But not right now. We’ve got two princes and a princess though.”

“And they all live in Cardiff?” Bilbo swallowed and looked down at his clothes. “I’m not sure if I’m wearing something suitable to meet royalty in. The British in me might curdle.” It was already making protests about Bofur casually calling a king by his first name.

“Eh, they don’t care about things like that,” Bofur said dismissively. “Just don’t mention Elves to Thorin and-“

“There are Elves?”

“Did you or did you not read the book?” Bofur asked, whiskers twitching slightly. “There ought to have been a whole chapter on them, your mother even lived with them for a while.”

“I don’t remember even seeing a chapter like that,” Bilbo said. “But, what kind of Elves are we talking about?”

“Well, not the kind that lives on the North Pole with Santa,” Bofur said with a chuckle, and Bilbo desperately hoped that Santa wouldn't be one of those things that would turn out to be real after all. He was maybe beginning to accept that witches were real, what with the talking cats and magically appearing handkerchiefs, but Santa?

That would be- no, just no.

“They’re… Elves,” Bofur shrugged. “I’m sure you’ll meet one sooner or later. Especially since you’ll be staying for a while.”

“I am, am I?” Bilbo asked pointedly. “I’m sorry, but when did I agree to that?”

To his annoyance Bofur only chuckled. “I think you’ll like it. You should see our library for one.”

“You’ve a library?”

“Of course,” Bofur nodded. “Mice still taste like dust though. But if you just keep away from them-“

“I’ll do my best,” Bilbo said with a sigh.

Notes:

I think this story just grew a plot O.O
How did that happen?