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Chapter Text

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BBC Breaking News @BBCBreaking 2h

Instagram video from Las Vegas party shows Winterfell Ltd heir Robb Stark talking about ‘uncle’ Tony Stark bbc.in/2D6OcrF 

Reuters Top News @Reuters 2h

Scottish hotelier Robb Stark drunkenly claims relation to Iron Man Tony Stark in live video

E! News @enews 2h

Ironborn star Theon Greyjoy’s Instagram video goes viral, shocked fans watch Theon’s dashing BFF Robb Stark confess he’s related to Tony Stark!

*

Peter was surprised to see the lights on as he landed on the Stark Tower penthouse balcony. It was nearing 3 in the morning, and Mr Stark and Ms Potts usually went to bed by midnight. He could hear voices coming from the living room, which usually meant disaster somewhere in the world. Aunt May always said nothing good happened after 2 AM.

“Hey FRIDAY, is it okay if I go in there?” Peter asked the Tower’s AI.

“It is, Peter,” was the reply. “No suit.”

Peter ducked into what had become his usual guest bedroom, quickly taking his mask off and changing into sweatpants and a t-shirt. “Suit needs maintenance please, FRIDAY, thank you!” he called out, chucking his multimillion dollar Spider-Man suit into a chute in the wall.

“–sorry, I don’t want to make a fuss,” an unfamiliar guy was saying in a foreign accent, when Peter entered the living room. Peter looked around. Everyone was seated on sofas, which meant no one was hostile. Ms Potts and Mr Stark were in nightwear, both clutching large mugs of coffee. Maria Hill was next to them, looking wide awake and frowning at two guys sitting opposite her. They looked normal, dark haired, a bit pale, in their mid to late 20’s. Both reeked of alcohol. One was vaguely familiar, but Peter couldn’t place him. There were a couple other staff members from PR and Legal that Peter recognised but didn’t know the names of, talking quietly into their StarkPhones. There were also two new people Peter had never seen before.

“This doesn’t have to be a bigger deal than it already is,”  Ms Hill replied. If you didn’t know her like Peter did, you’d even call her tone friendly. “Just your hair, nothing intrusive. We just need it to check if you’re actually related to Tony.”

This statement was so beyond anything Peter had expected that he rammed into the coffee table by accident. He blushed furiously when everyone turned to stare at him. “Sorry, sorry,” he mumbled, and hurriedly sat down. Ms Potts smiled tiredly at him.

“Like I said, I really need to talk to my dad before I say anything, let alone give you my hair!” the guy insisted, eyes lingering on Peter in slight confusion.

“I’ll level with you. Mr Greyjoy’s post has been deleted, but there are clips of it everywhere, and we don’t know how to respond to this,” said Ms Hill. Ah, right! Theon Greyjoy, from that show Ironborn. Phew. Not placing that familiar guy would have bothered Peter for days. “We’re getting calls from the press, and we’d all like to just go to bed and put this little incident behind us.”

“You’re Tony Stark, can’t you just delete all those clips? I know you can do that,” said Theon Greyjoy. “It’ll just go away by tomorrow, I’ll say it was a big joke, no one’s related to anyone.”

“Mr Stark, your father’s on the line,” said one of the unfamiliar people, startling both Peter and Tony. Bypassing Mr Stark, she passed her cellphone to the man – also Mr Stark? – who got up and moved away for some privacy.

“What’s going on?” Peter asked, baffled. Mr Stark, Tony, that is, silently passed him a tablet.

TMZ @TMZ 2h

BREAKING Shocking reveal of Howard Stark’s secret family, “(Iron Man) doesn’t even know” slurs drunk hotel heir Robb Stark WATCH NOW

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Chapter Text

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Tony Stark Updates @fyeahtonystark 22m

Pepper asked for privacy instead of just laughing it off? Robb Stark’s claim might be legit guys!!! Also look at this 2008 pic of Ned Stark we found, is there even a doubt WTF

The Associated Press @AP 58m

Reclusive Winterfell Ltd owner Ned Stark and his family are hounded by paparazzi as they leave London home.

*

Sansa flexed her hands for the fifth time in as many minutes. She and her siblings had been forbidden from using their mobiles and other devices while their dad dealt with the fallout of Theon Greyjoy’s stupidity. She’d been fast asleep when Brienne had woken her up, taking her phone away and saying “Everyone’s fine, no one’s hurt, but we’ve gotta go.”

On the chartered flight from Paris to Edinburgh, Brienne had told her the news.

*

People @people 1h

Click to see photos of Tony Stark’s lookalike “older brother” Eddard ‘Ned’ Stark and his twin, Lyanna peoplem.ag/R4UK7oz 

E! News @enews 1h

PICS: Tony Stark’s rumoured new British family - unsurprisingly, they’re VERY good looking!

*

Tony Stark became properly famous worldwide only in 2012, after the alien invasion in New York. Soon enough, their uncommon surname was suddenly the source of double takes. “Stark?” people would ask suspiciously, “like that Tony Stark?” 18 year old Sansa, along with her siblings, had been told to entertain no speculation of being related to Tony or Howard Stark. Bran and Rickon, who had been on the younger side, had not been told the whole truth.

In 1965, twenty year old Lyarra Campbell fell in love with a dashing American scientist called Howard, who was in Aberdeen for a month while his company explored the Atlantic Ocean and North Sea for a fallen plane. When she discovered she had fallen pregnant, Howard insisted she come with him to America. Upon requesting that they get married first, Lyarra found out that Howard was already married, and did not plan on leaving his wife. Heartbroken and furious, she decided to stay in Scotland instead, giving birth to twins Eddard and Lyanna later in the year. Due to the laws of the time, she named Howard as her children’s father in their birth certificates and gave them his surname. Apologetic, Howard set up trust funds in each child’s name under the condition that their names not be changed, at least until they were 16. In the event that Howard’s wife Maria did not produce a child (she was rumoured to be barren), Eddard would inherit Howard’s business, Stark Industries. In 1967, Lyarra married a lovely lad named Rickard Smith. Rickard loved his new wife and stepchildren an awful lot, and legally changed his name to Rickard Stark so they may all be a proper family.

When Anthony Stark was born in 1970, Rickard and Lyarra had breathed a sigh of relief. Ned and Lya grew up alongside their little brother Benjen, blissfully unaware of the truth until the twins turned 16, and were allowed access to the accounts Howard had set up in their name. By this time, Howard’s company had become somewhat known even outside America, and to protect his legitimate son, Howard arranged new birth certificates for Ned and Lya, with Rickard listed as their father, and dissolved the trust accounts after transferring the original sum and an additional 5 million pounds (non-taxable) to each member of the family as hush money. They had no idea how Howard had managed it, but suspected secret services had been involved. Lyarra insisted they keep the money to ease Howard’s conscience, but Ned and Lya knew their parents were struggling, and Rickard was too proud.

Lyarra and Rickard had used their money to buy Winterfell Castle just outside Edinburgh, converting much of it into a hotel. Initially hoping for a career in politics, Ned realised that politicians have no secrets, and decided to study business at St Andrews. He met and married Catelyn Tully, the intelligent and ambitious daughter of Tully Seafoods owner, Hoster Tully. Together, Ned and Cat expanded Winterfell Ltd to what it was today – the largest heritage hotel chain in the UK.

Robb and Arya had been outraged. Their dad and Aunt Lya had been hidden away like a dirty secret while Tony Stark slept around and drank his way through what was rightfully a shared inheritance. Sansa and Jon, the less hotheaded ones, had kept largely quiet. Then Granddad had made them all cry with a speech about how his legacy would be a happy family rather than merely a wealthy one, and that had been that…

*

…until 4 hours ago. Robb had blurted out their family’s best kept secret to his best friend, actor Theon Greyjoy, who had been broadcasting their Las Vegas party on Instagram live. Theon had 5 million followers – which hadn’t seemed like much to Sansa until yesterday – and they’d quickly spread the clip on social media. First, it had been a joke, but within minutes it had become a conspiracy theory. Despite it being night time on a Saturday in the United States, Theon’s fans had made ‘Robb Stark’ and ‘Tony Stark’ trend worldwide on Twitter. The news had immediately scooped up the story. Sansa’s parents had been woken up at five, and by six the press had surrounded their home. 

Their solicitor and family friend, Stannis Baratheon, had advised them to gather the family at the relatively secluded Winterfell Castle up north until the media storm blew over. Nanna and Granddad were already there, but Sansa’s parents had to fly there from London with Jon and Arya, and Sansa had been in Paris for Fashion Week. Bran and Rickon would remain where they were, at Manchester uni and Harrow respectively. Aunt Lya had been…somewhere. Sansa could never keep up with her. Robb and Theon had been picked up by Tony Stark’s team in a quinjet, apparently, and were currently sleeping off the booze in Stark Tower. Sansa was almost jealous.

Sansa yawned. She had been languishing without her phone for nearly two hours, and was too nervous to catch up on sleep. The morning news quickly got dull without any new information, as Stark Industries and Winterfell had both refused to comment. Besides, proper journalism was anyway very boring compared to her usual (secret) sources of news: the tabloids.

She could imagine it now: Stark Raving Mad? Hotel heir eyes billions as he claims TONY STARK is his UNCLE.

Another yawn. Her dad’s incessant pacing was driving her mad. Her mum Catelyn, and little sister Arya were now on “keep Nanna engaged” duty, while Jon made endless cups of tea and coffee for them all.

“Look, I can’t be arsed right now,” Aunt Lya was saying to someone.

Why didn’t they take her phone away, wondered Sansa irritably, thanking Jon when he handed her a mug. 

“No, you listen, Rhae, I need you here, d’you understand what is happening, you self-involved–”

“Gimme that, mum,” Jon intervened, taking the phone from her hand and replacing it with coffee.

Sansa rolled her eyes.

Ned suddenly rushed towards the door, where Sansa’s godfather and Robb’s namesake, Robert Baratheon, had just walked in. Bob had been Ned’s best friend since their school days, and was now their neighbour in London. An ex-footballer and current manager of King’s Landing FC, he was a notorious playboy and had seven children despite never being married. Arya had once joked that Dad and Robert had internalised homophobia, had overcompensated for it by having way too many children, and were secretly in love with each other.

As their hug went on longer than strictly appropriate, Sansa caught Arya’s eye and fought to contain her laughter.

*

Chapter Text

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TMZ @TMZ 47m

Sources inside Stark Tower report Robb Stark has agreed to a DNA test #IronFamily tmz.me/nbPY4V

*

Peter startled awake. It was still quite dark out, but his watch showed he’d been asleep for over two hours. He sat up, looking around. The room was emptier than it had been previously. Ms Hill and Mr Stark were sat quietly, scrolling through their phones. The two guys – the other Mr Stark and Theon Greyjoy – were passed out on the long sofa. The lady from their team was on the phone, while the man was going over some paperwork with someone from SI Legal. Ms Potts was nowhere to be found.

Last night’s – this night’s? – patrol had been exhausting, and Peter was still tired but not sleepy anymore. He felt a strange urgency, a need to be awake and stay with Mr Stark as long as he could. As far as he could tell, it wasn’t the same feeling as his senses warning him of danger.

Mr Stark had noticed he was up. “Pete, go back to sleep. Nothing’s gonna happen for a while anyway.”

“No, I’m okay. Is there anything to eat?”

At Mr Stark’s nod, Peter led the way to the kitchen. He rummaged through the fridge, brightening up when he saw a burrito bowl. Perching on the kitchen island with the bowl and a pack of Doritos, Peter peeked at the sleeping Robb Stark, trying to find some similarity between him and Mr Stark – Tony. God, that was gonna get confusing soon. Mr Stark leant against the counter, holding a freshly filled mug of coffee.

“How– how are you feeling?” he ventured.

“I’m fine,” said Tony, looking decidedly not fine. “The results should come back within a few hours, and then we’ll know for sure. I’ve looked through all the paperwork, hacked every database I could find, and there’s been absolutely nothing suggesting this guy’s claim is legitimate.”

“But didn’t he say your dad changed the paperwork? That was pre-digitalisation.”

“Uh-huh, which is why we’re entertaining this at all rather than laughing them off. This is the only serious claim in years. Usually it’s people claiming I’m their father.”

“Yeah, and…I mean, he doesn’t seem the type to lie about this. His family are super loaded, even his mom’s family, I checked. And they’re connected to a bunch of celebrities–”

“Remember one thing, Peter,” interrupted Tony with a small smile. “There is never enough fame or wealth. Rich people are just poor people with more money.”

That was one of the saddest things Peter had ever heard Mr Stark say.

“What if he isn’t lying though? What if he really is your– your nephew?”

“Well,” laughed Tony softly, “We already knew Howard was–”

Tony trailed off, sighing, and Peter suddenly felt stupid and ashamed for not knowing how to help.

There was silence for a while as Peter finished eating.

“I kinda hate even thinking about it,” Tony finally confessed, smile turning bitter. “All this time, I’ve been all alone, and it’s been okay, I’m used to it. And no, I know,” he waved off as Peter opened his mouth, “I’m not alone, I have Pepper and Rhodey and Happy and you and all the others, but… you know what I mean. My dad was an only child, and I was his only child. And suddenly I have a sister and a brother?”

“Would it be so bad?”

“Well it can’t be all good. And they’re thirty years too late,” Tony replied, with a laugh.

Peter didn’t think it was funny at all.

*

The Sun @TheSun 2m

“Howard Stark made his choice, and we had to make ours,” says Ned Stark, answering why the family didn’t reach out to his brother Tony thesun.co.uk/news/7604295/n…

The Associated Press @AP 2m

Tony Stark calls discovering half-siblings Eddard and Lyanna Stark a pleasant surprise.

TMZ @TMZ 4m

Tony Stark flies to Edinburgh to meet half brother Ned Stark and Howard’s mistress Lyarra Campbell

*

No matter how hard Sansa’s mum tried, lunch was tense. After Robert, they'd had a flurry of well-meaning family friends come by, and Brienne and Jaime had eventually been forced to turn people away. Robert had stubbornly remained, much to Jaime's annoyance.

As a former Prime Minister’s son, their Head of Security Jaime had seen his share of crises. Since Winterfell’s public relations team was more strategy and less scandal, Jaime had brought in his younger brother Tyrion to help Sansa’s dad deal with the press.

Their well-crafted statement had lowkey dragged Howard Stark and given credit to Rickard for being their father. Tyrion had painted a lovely picture of Ned and Lya’s lives with their beautiful children and successful businesses. They hadn’t reached out to Tony before this, out of respect towards Lyarra and Rickard, who were now old and so very worried, and could they please all be left alone, thanks? Ned (but actually Tyrion) had ended on a warm note about how they were all thrilled to welcome Tony into their family, and looked forward to getting to know their new brother/uncle.

Reunited with their mobiles at last, Sansa and her siblings (and Jon) had been carefully replying to a few select messages. Sansa’d had to call her boss and the rest of her team, and apologise for leaving without notice. They’d been very understanding, even her boss Ashara, who was sometimes too critical of Sansa (hazards of working for your dad’s ex-girlfriend).

Arya and Sansa were the only ones with public Instagrams, and they’d got thousands of new followers already.

Robb (who had been thoroughly reprimanded) was now en route to Edinburgh, joined by Actual Tony Stark. To hide her nervousness, Catelyn had called for lunch, and they were now all awkwardly sat at the dining table pretending to enjoy the Sunday roast. Robert, who thrived on tension, was narrating his team’s latest victory.

Sansa tried to look at her family with a stranger’s eye. They’d all seen the resemblance between Ned and Tony Stark way back when Tony became famous. Both looked like Howard – the same long face, the same eyes, maybe the same brows? Tony dyed his hair, but Ned hadn’t bothered to hide his greys, which made Ned look much older. Lya looked just like Nanna, and despite being twins, Ned and Lya were poles apart in looks as well as personality.

Just then, Nanna laughed at an off-colour joke Robert had made. In reality, she was much frailer than the image Sansa held in her mind.

“D’you reckon Tony will understand Nanna’s accent?” Sansa asked her sister lowly. 

“He seemed to keep up with Robb,” Arya reasoned.

Of all the younger Starks, only Robb spoke with a Scottish brogue. Sansa's parents (and their children) had moved to London when Arya was two. Robb had been forced to learn Received Pronunciation in his private school, but rebelliously held on to his original accent, as if to spite the South. It always confused everyone else, but was probably the reason he was Nanna’s favourite.

(Sansa and the others weren’t complete weirdos like him. Like normal people, they’d just change their accent a bit depending on company.)

“Yeah, but don’t you think Nanna’s a bit…strong? Even I don’t understand her sometimes.”

“That’s true. Listen, do you want to just go to my room?” Arya whispered to Sansa, shoving the last of her carrots into her mouth as Robert mimed some complicated manoeuvre. “May I be excused please?” she asked Catelyn loudly. “Lunch was lovely, thanks, Gage!”

Stuffing a piece of roast potato in her mouth, Sansa put down her cutlery, thanked the cook, and hurriedly followed Arya, picking up a lemon cake from the service trolley on her way. She could hear Jon excusing himself as well, and held the door for him.

“Mum’s already two pints down,” Jon said as he shut the door to Arya’s room. “Now Bob’s getting the whiskey out.”

“They’re gonna be pissed by the time Robb and Tony get here,” Sansa groaned.

“We can’t let mum or Uncle Ned get drunk around them. They always get rowdy and start singing and shit, mum’s gonna call Tony a wee cunt–”

“She cannot call him that!” cried Arya in alarm. “It’s really offensive in America!”

“It’s offensive everywhere!” Sansa protested. “It’s a horrid, derogatory–”

“Oi, give it a rest, I’ve got you on video calling Viserys a pussy!”

Jon burst into laughter. “He is though, that wanker!” 

“Ermm no, first of all, I was high, and like, eighteen or something. No one was educated about these things back then, stop laughing, Jon! Anyway, we have to get rid of Robert, no way around it. He'll only make things worse.”

“Uggghhh yeah,” said Arya. “And he’s been hanging all over dad, did you see? 'I'm here for you, Ned,' ugh. I love that bastard but today is not the day.”

“Wait, what?” Jon asked, frowning. “What’s this about?”

“Nothing!” Sansa said, rolling her eyes.

“No, what is it?”

“Oh, Jon,” Arya grinned, clapping Jon’s shoulder. “Poor clueless Jon. Let me tell you a story about two boys in boarding school.”

"No no, no no no no no, you cannot be serious Arya, NO!"

*

Chapter Text

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Luisa @hlodowig 15m

"I wanna bend Robb Stark over, pull his hair, make him arch is back and wreck him like an iron fist going through a wet sheet of paper."

The New York Times @nytimes 2h

Opinion: What newly revealed Stark family might mean for the future of Stark Industries nyti.ms/2Q7wzpb

*

Peter had been on edge for most of Sunday for reasons he couldn’t explain. May was on a new hobby kick: sewing. She’d bought a small cheap sewing machine that, if Peter was honest, looked like a waste of money. She’d watched all sorts of videos, and after a couple of semi-successful cushion covers, she was now making an apron for herself. The machine made a clacking noise while stitching, and May couldn’t quite figure out why her seams were so bunched up.

In addition, she had kept the TV on, and kept switching through all the news channels to see what people were saying. Ms Potts had asked the media to give the family time and privacy to get to know each other, and gave no further information. Unfortunately, this meant that newsreaders and correspondents were reporting with wild speculation.

Even with inside info, Peter was just as clueless as them all.

Robb and Theon had turned out to be really nice guys. They were funny and friendly, and very very apologetic about how things had gone down. Apparently the drinks and jet lag had loosened Robb’s tongue, and then too, only because it was Theon, his best friend. Theon, being drunk himself, had thought Robb was elaborating on their running joke. Peter had never been drunk, so he couldn’t relate, but after he overheard multiple family members yelling over the phone, Robb seemed way more sympathetic. An hour after Peter’s conversation with Mr Stark, the lab technician had come back with a “biological relationship is likely” result, and Mr Stark had finally given in to the inevitable – pictures.

So over an early breakfast, Robb had shown them photos of his family – his dad looked like a pale, old, clean shaven version of Mr Stark. It was really creepy. Mr Stark had done a video chat with Robb’s mom and dad, and they had invited him to come stay with them in their castle (an actual castle!) in Edinburgh so they could get to know each other. A short while later, Theon had been smuggled out by some representatives from his talent agency, and Peter had stood with Ms Potts and Ms Hill on the roof of the Tower, seeing off Robb and Mr Stark.

“You wanna order pizza for dinner?” May asked, breaking Peter out of his thoughts.

“Yeah. Extra garlic bread for me please.”

“You got it. And let’s change the channel for a bit, yeah? Look for a movie or something.” She threw him the remote.

Peter complied, settling on Freaky Friday.

The world felt like it had changed fundamentally, like the day after Ben had died.

But nothing had happened, so why did Peter feel so awful?

His phone buzzed again.

FROM: Mr Stark 8:12 PM

I think it’s time you call me Tony.

*

Entertainment Weekly @EW 25m

Haggis, neeps, blood pudding and more: What @TonyStark can expect to eat with his new #IronFamily in their Scottish castle!

The REAL IronFamily @emilyyyyy

why is the media using the fandom name for Tony’s new relative smh #IronFamily

*

TO: Dany 14:30

So sorry for rushing off! World’s ending etc. See you soon? x

Here’s the pic I took of you two last night   

FROM: Dany 16:15

No worries omg I heard! And saw! WTF

You okay? xxx

Awwww what a lovely photo, you’re a star <3

I look shocking today thank god I’m headed home

TO: Dany 19:13

Yes we’re okay but it’s all a bit mad!

Arya Jon and I are in hiding

You look FANTASTIC wtf are you even talking about

Mum’s asked us to dress smart for when Tony shows up

Do you think this seems appropriate?

 FROM: Dany 19:15

*

Tony and Robb had finally reached Winterfell Castle at around half past nine on Sunday. Nanna and Granddad had already retired by then, but the rest of them (Uncle Ben had joined them by that point, and brought Bran and Rickon with him) had greeted Tony at the castle entrance, all lined up like it was the middle ages.

Catelyn had set the tone, treating Sansa’s new uncle like she would one of Robb’s girlfriends – polite smiles and superficial questions. Slowly, the rest of the family followed in her footsteps, telling Tony about themselves over a light supper and acting like they were just another normal, not-bonkers bunch. It was probably the most awkward family meal they’d had since Ned had caught Arya shagging Gendry Baratheon during Christmas hols two years ago, and invited him to lunch.

Early the next morning, a jet-lagged Tony met Nanna and Granddad, who insisted on showing Tony around the castle. Because of their advanced age, the tour took three hours. By the time they got back, Nanna had Tony roaring with laughter.

“I only understand every second word you say, Lyarra, but I want to keep you,” Tony said over breakfast. 

“Aye, lad, you gonna take me with you to your big city?” Nanna teased him.

“Absolutely!” he winked. “Pack your bags and we can leave whenever you want.”

“Promises, promises! Have some more eggs, love, you’ve barely eaten!”

They ate in silence for a bit. Robb finally shuffled in, looking sleep-rumpled. He kissed Catelyn’s cheek and waved at everyone else absently. It was amazing what their mum would let her firstborn get away with. Sansa would never have been allowed to arrive late to a meal with guests, let alone in such a state.

“This scramble is amazing, what’ve they put in it?” Tony asked, buttering some more toast.

“Just salt,” replied Granddad proudly. “The eggs are fresh from our own chickens. Makes all the difference.”

“Damn,” Tony replied, impressed. “We get cage-free organic, but they don’t taste this good. Friday, look into getting our own chickens.” His watch beeped in acknowledgment. Was that a diary watch?

“Hey, Tony,” Rickon piped up, reaching for yet another chocolate twist. Mum said he was a growing boy but Sansa just thought he was greedy. “Do you know if Thor’s on Earth right now?”

“Rickon!” Catelyn scolded. “Tony’s friends are not entertainment.”

“It’s okay, Cat. I’m just glad there’s something about me that’s still cool,” Tony joked, and laughed when everyone got flustered and started speaking all at once to reassure him. “Just kidding, sorry! You know, Rick – can I call you Rick? Ah, Riz, okay. Well Riz, I have an intern that’s about your age. His favourite seems to be Thor as well, what’s up with that?”

“Oh, no, Iron Man is obviously my favourite!” said Rickon, embarrassed. “It’s just that, er…Thor’s an alien?”

“Oh, right, Peter!” said Robb suddenly. He was doing that disgusting thing where he poured hot milk over his Weetabix and let it get soggy while he ate beans on toast. “He’s great. Say, what was he doing there on a weekend anyway, I didn’t want to ask in front of him.”

“He works in the lab late sometimes, so Pep insisted he have a place to crash. He lives all the way in Queens.”

Sansa saw dad and Nanna sharing a look.

“So he’s in ‘high school’, right?” Arya asked, as if it were an exotic term. “What’s his, um, clique?”

“Yup, Junior year,” grinned Tony. “And, I dunno, Peter goes to a nerd school so I think he’s probably gotta be one of the popular kids there, as smart as he is. He took a Senior to Homecoming last year.”

Sansa nodded knowledgeably. She knew what Senior meant, and Homecoming was…something to do with dancing, probably? She remembered some girl in some movie wanting to be Homecoming Queen.

“Well, if we ever come down to New York, I can meet him,” Rickon smiled. “And did you say Thor would be around as well?”

“Rickon!”

“He said it was okay, Mummy!”

“Riz, I will personally ensure Thor comes by when you’re in the city.”

Rickon stared at Tony in awe, then turned to Uncle Ben. “You better move fast or he’s gonna be my favourite uncle.”

“It’s okay, you’re not my favourite nephew, so…”

“Piss off, I so am!”

“RICKON!”

*

The Wall Street Journal @WSJ 2h

Traders prepare for market volatility as @StarkIndustries and subsidiaries deal with revelation of secret Stark family on.wsj.com/5GtZ099

yana @kimyoogyeom 13h

anyways, random thought but i would let jon targaryen take me from my mouth n robb stark from behind, even if they dont shower

*

As Peter entered school on Monday, most of the gossip was centred around the British Starks.

“So Tony’s sister Lyanna is dating some Valyrian musician called Rhaegar Targaryen, who is apparently really big in Europe,” a girl told her group of friends.

“I’ve literally never heard that name before, he can’t be that big.”

“Yeah, me neither, but his family’s like, minor royalty in Valyria? And he’s super rich even without the music money.”

“Is he hot?”

A different girl showed the group her phone. “Yup, just googled him, look. He’s got three kids, hope they’re as pretty as him!”

“ANYWAY,” said the first girl, annoyed. “They’ve been together for like, forever, but they’re not married, AND they have a son called Jon who is a total hottie, look!”

…

“Fuck Jon, marry Robb, kill Rickon.”

“But Rickon’s our age!”

“Exactly.”

…

“What kinda loser name is Ned?”

“Also, is his sister called Lee-anna or Lie-anna, because none of the news channels seem to agree on that.”

…

“–and they own all these fancy-ass hotels, like old castles and palaces and shit–”

“So basically the Hiltons of England.”

“Exactly! And that Sansa chick is totally the Paris Hilton of that family, look.”

“Whoaaa, she’s hot, is she a model? Where’s the sex tape? Wait, is that Dany Targaryen next to her?”

…

Near Peter’s locker, Flash was discussing the news with Kenny.

“–and if it was me, I’d sue for the company.”

“They’ve already got a company which earns 5 billion a year!”

“That’s not their income though, like Ned Stark’s net worth is only 300 million. Tony’s is 15 billion. Do you know the difference between millions and billions, man? That’s a fuckload of money, he ain’t giving it up! Plus, that dude has like five kids, they all need their share, and 60 million is nothing.”

“Tony made that company, man, no one even knew Stark Industries before he got on the scene. He won’t give it up.”

“Well, there may not even be much to give up,” Flash dismissed. “My dad said SI’s stocks are going to crash when the market opens. China and India and Europe are already reeling. If they split the company, it might mean the end. And Tony Stark doesn’t even have children. If he’s smart, he’ll just pick one of those kids, you know, make the family happy…” Flash trailed off suggestively.

Peter banged his locker shut, startling Flash.

“What’s up, Parker?” Flash smirked. “Hey, do you have any inside info for us through your totally non-fictional internship?”

*

Daily Mail Online @MailOnline 1m

Rhaegar Targaryen is all smiles as he arrives at Winterfell Castle to meet new brother-in-law Tony Stark

CNN @CNN 6h

How disgraced ‘paranoid child killer’ Thaddeus Ross caused the dissolution of the Sokovia Accords “A complete breakdown of protocol” says UN Chief cnn.it/2Dswv0

*

“So, Tony,” Ned said as they moved to the drawing room. “Is there anything in particular you’d like to do? Maybe a tour of the city?”

“Don’t be daft,” said Aunt Lya. She was by the window, moving the closed curtain aside to peek at the gates. She's missed brunch, and the reason for that was sitting on the sofa. “There’s press right outside the grounds. They hounded Rhae when he drove in, isn’t that right, love?”

“Yes,” the newly-arrived Rhaegar replied, lip curled in disdain. “These British paps are leeches. Hello,” he stood and offered Tony a hand. “I’m Rhaegar Targaryen, pleased to meet you.”

“I know you,” Tony nodded, shaking his hand and not bothering to introduce himself. “My fiancée loves your music.”

“Oh,” Rhaegar blinked, instantly won over. “I didn’t know Americans knew of me at all. My thanks.”

Tony didn’t seem to know what to make of that statement, so Sansa swooped in, greeting Jon's father more enthusiastically than she normally would. As everyone else came up to exchange hugs and kisses, Sansa gently took Tony’s arm and led him to the sofa.

“I’ve decided to save you,” she told him conspiratorially.

“Have you?”

“Yes, they’re on their best behaviour right now but if we’re all trapped in together, it’ll get very ugly.”

“Sorry, what are we whispering about?” said Arya, plopping into Sansa’s lap.

“Your sister says she’s going to save me from your family,” Tony told her, eyes twinkling.

“God, yes. What d’you reckon we should do?”

“We need an escape plan,” Sansa replied.

“We’ll need to include Brienne in it if we’re going out.”

“Who’s Brienne?” Tony whispered.

“She’s my bodyguard,” Sansa replied. “I’ve had issues with stalkers, so…”

“Stalkers are the worst, ugh. How many?”

“Two. This guy call Ramsay – right?! – from my uni, and we don’t know the other one for sure yet. Lurks around the office.”

“I’ll hack into–”

They had to stop their hushed conversation as everyone settled and the room quietened. Usually in these situations (mostly the holidays now, as everyone grew older and moved away), Sansa’s family members would either bring out a book, turn on the telly, or busy themselves with their phones. Owing to Tony’s presence, they did none of that. There was awkward silence, instead.

Sansa now knew Tony well enough to expect a joke in three, two…

“Should we bring out the Monopoly?”

*

stonyforever

Does anyone else find it suspicious that Arya has a play coming up and Robb randomly blurts out their family’s biggest secret?

#just saying #i don’t think they’re lying about being related to tony #but the timing is sus #that play just sold out btw #and being associated with tony is gonna do wonders for them all #sansa’s in fashion #what do you bet pepper wears her designs in a couple months? #that rhaegar guy’s albums are randomly charting on itunes too #one thing’s for sure #this family can hustle

*

Chapter Text

*

Theon Greyjoy @earlgreyjoy 15m

I apologise for my careless mistake on Saturday night. Although inadvertently, I betrayed my best friend’s trust and put his entire family at risk. There is no excuse and I only hope Robb and the Stark family can forgive me.

*

WOLFPACK

Rickon

Landed safely

Really bloody jealous of you lot

Miss you already hun xxx

Bran

Don’t be

He’s leaving tomorrow morning anyway

Rickon

What’s everyone up to?

Arya

running over my lines

can’t concentrate tho

Bran

I’m trawling through Twitter again lol

Still mostly slut-shaming and suspicion

And a lot of thirst

A LOT

Sansa someone leaked a pic of you and Ruby kissing

The lesbians have claimed you

Who’s gonna tell them about bisexuality aha

Bran

Enough people are, actually. It’s quite insulting

Hardyng replied to one of them

Link?

Bran

Nope cant be arsed. Basically bragging about when you dated him

Rickon

Can we not talk about Sansa being a slag

Fuck off

Rickon

I meant it nicely

Don’t be cross

Sure

Rickon

SORRY SANSA

LOVE YOU <3

What’s Tony doing?

Bran

Nanna and Granddad are asleep

The adults are drinking in Aunt Lya’s apartment

Someone will eventually bring up SI

Arya

yeah lol and tonys waiting for it too

You think? I figured he’d wanna avoid it

Arya

oh totes

he’s only mentioned pepper running the company about a *thousand* times

testing the waters probs

I think he wants us to think the companys in her name

Jon

Miss you Riz! Send us a text when you're at school

Don’t worry, nothing exciting’s happening

Re Tony I feel like we should just get it over with

Don’t want him to be on edge

Not like we want anything from him

Rickon

Speak for yourself I want many things from him

RICKON NO

Rickon

Not his company jfc have some faith Sansa

I mean the newest StarkPhone and maybe some other prezzies

Idgaf about his business

I’ll sign whatever he wants me to if he’ll introduce me to the avengers

Robb

DON’T SIGN ANYTHING

????

Arya

omg robb

Something you wanna tell us?

Arya

you want his empire don't you

Robb

No you donuts I mean we can’t trust him yet

We just met him

He seems nice but his reputation precedes him

Bran

Your reputation precedes you Robb

We still trust you

Arya

debatable

*

“Have you heard anything from Mr Stark?” Ned asked Peter as they walked to school together the next morning.

“Nope.”

Peter managed to change the topic for about 15 minutes, after which Ned swerved back to Tony.

“Do you think he’s getting along with them?”

“I don’t know, Ned,” Peter sighed as they got to their shared bench.

“His brother’s called Ned, isn’t that weird?” Ned laughed, arranging his stationery on the table. “Hey do you think I should change my name, or will it make Mr Stark like me more?”

“He likes you fine, Ned.”

Ned didn’t seem satisfied. “Has Ms Potts said anything?”

“I haven’t asked her, she’s a very busy person.”

“But your suit was the tower, didn’t you go get it?”

“No, it was crazy there yesterday. I’m gonna go today.  Probably stick to the lab though.”

“I think you should go be with Ms Potts. This must be so crazy for her! No one likes in-laws, Peter, let alone surprise ones.”

“They’re not her in-laws.”

“They basically are,” Ned argued. “Just previously unknown. Like when Harry Potter was in his cupboard and wished some amazing relative would come take him away from the Dursleys, except Mr Stark is all grown up and–”

“We don’t even know if Mr Stark’s gonna talk to them after this,” snapped Peter. “We don’t know anything.”

Ned gave him a hurt look, and Peter’s anger left him in a rush.

“I’m sorry man, this is just…it’s really weird for me, okay?”

“Why is it weird for you?” Ned asked, instantly forgiving.

Peter just shrugged and was saved from answering as the teacher entered and called for silence.

*

Tony Stark @TonyStark 1h

Honey, we’re gonna need a bigger Christmas budget @PepperPotts

Image

*

After decathlon practice, Peter went to the Tower to work on his suit. As requested, Friday and the bots had completed most of the more tedious maintenance like fabric repair and misshapen circuitry. Peter refilled fluid in his web-shooters, checked his utility belt, and finished some upgrades to his HUD.

“Nice try with the Child Lock Protocol, Friday,” he said out loud.

It was weird to be alone in the lab today.

“I'll get you next time,” came the reply. “Are you staying for dinner, Peter?”

“Uhhh…” Peter tried to remember May’s schedule; she was working late tonight. “Is anyone else around?”

“Just Ms Potts tonight.”

“Really? I figured she’d be busy in meetings!”

“She took the day off today. Ms Malik insisted. Would you like me to check if she’s up for company?”

“Yeah, okay,” Peter replied, recalling Ned’s words from earlier.

There was a pause.

“She’d be happy to see you, Peter.”

“Tell her I’ll be there in 20 minutes!” Peter promised, finishing up with a strange feeling of relief.

Ms Potts was the smartest woman he knew. He sent a silent apology to May for thinking that, but it was true. Pepper was intelligent and intuitive, and she’d totally know what Peter was feeling, and she’d make it all go away.

*

Rob Arryn @sweetrobinvale 5h

Does anyone know how to find the real Stark family on twitter and insta? Never knew there were so many Starks!

Mya Stone @foreveryoung18

replying to @sweetrobinvale

Hey, you can find them in my follow list! The others are Tony’s fans lol they’re not really Starks. Hope that helps x

*

No such luck.

“I just didn’t expect it, you know?”

Ms Potts was wearing leggings with an MIT hoodie which looked really old and soft, and smelled amazing. He suspected it was Mr Stark’s. They had abandoned the dining table in favour of the sofas, and were eating an assortment of leftover takeaway.

“All of Sunday, I worked with Legal and Finance to hash out our strategy, to make sure Tony’s investments weren’t through SI. We had to make sure my assets were protected, because we have joint accounts and stuff. And Maria was like, will the Avengers be affected? So we had to deal with that. Then the Archive team had to dig out everything post ’91 to separate what Tony had invented, which patents were Howard’s and which were Tony’s, and I mean Tony shut down most of Howard’s old divisions because they were weapons related, but it’s still his original company, so what’s the protocol? Shit, do you know how many spreadsheets I had to look at?”

Peter shrugged helplessly. “A lot?”

“A lot,” Pepper agreed, taking a bite of her pulao. “And we were fielding sooo many calls. The board of directors, CEO’s of the subsidiaries, the fucking President–”

“–the press.”

“Ugh, the press!” she groaned. “Everyone with a Twitter account’s a journalist nowadays. I mean, what am I supposed to say? We were blindsided! There hasn’t been so much press outside since the Avengers moved out. And I’d been running on two hours sleep so Jameela forced me to bed this morning.”

Once, Happy had told Peter about the time Mr Stark had secretly been dying but didn’t tell anyone, and instead basically went on a self-destructive binge and fought with everyone important in his life. During this, Mr Stark had sprung the CEO position onto Pepper. She had stepped up and ushered SI into its most productive, stable era ever. But privately, Happy confided, Pepper Potts had been a mess. Being CEO of a Fortune 500 company was a crazy task in itself, but Pepper had to additionally deal with misogyny, accusations of sleeping her way up, a furious board of directors (all male), scathing media reports, and crashing stock prices. Plus Tony’s erratic behaviour.

Peter felt bad for not thinking about how this whole thing would have affected Ms Potts. This was personal and professional for her. He took a guilty bite of his Smørrebrød.

“But anyway, I could deal with all that. You know what got me, though? He’s happy. They’re nice!” she exclaimed, incredulous.

Wait, what?

Peter’s confusion must have shown, because Pepper elaborated, swallowing the last of her drink and setting her plate aside. Peter did the same. “It’s just that…I just had such a ‘they’re gonna want something’ outlook. I barely met Robb. I couldn’t just believe his story, right?”

“Right.”

“So all this while – since Sunday morning – I was so caught up in protecting Tony and his money and all our charities, that I completely forgot to plan for them being good people! Which they are! Did you know, SI always books the Red Keep for all our London conferences and meetings. Tony and I prefer it over the Ritz, we always stay in the Queen’s Suite, it’s spacious and cosy…anyway, it’s a Winterfell hotel. All these years, we’ve been staying at their hotel. Lyanna’s son is in charge of it and lives there full time! And not once did any of them try to approach Tony. I mean, usually the VVIP guests are personally welcomed or checked on, you know? Managers, owners, they all want to speak to celebrities and take pictures and oh my god,” she laughed. “I sound so awful, you must think I’m so full of myself.”

“It’s okay, I’ll teach you the art of the humble-brag later,” Peter joked, dodging the cushion she threw at him.

“Anyway, since 1998, they’ve had so many opportunities to confront Tony, to blackmail him, to try and play a long con, even. But nope, nothing. And now Tony’s met them, and he adores them. He’s always been so cautious about these things, it’s rare to see him trust someone. They’ve already spoken about Stark Industries. They want nothing to do with it, and none of the children do either. I think Tony’s got mixed feelings about it, but mostly glad, I think. None of them seem interested in science at all! I thought maybe the youngest one, he’s your age, I think? Maybe younger. Well, there’s time for him to figure things out. And he did say the two girls are already his favourites.”

Peter’s anxiety kicked up again.

“Back to the point, the professional contingencies are unnecessary. There was one thing I didn’t plan for, and that’s the in-laws. I mean, can you imagine?” She shook her head incredulously. “Tony has all this new family, it’s so weird, isn’t it?”

“I haven’t stopped thinking about that bit, actually,” he admitted.

“Oh honey,” Pepper said in understanding. She moved to hug him. “It’s gonna be fine, they really do seem like nice people. Tony’s okay.”

“No, I know,” Peter nodded against her shoulder. His eyes burned.

Pepper held him tighter. “I’m gonna need you with me during all of this, okay? And you’ll have to be Tony’s chaperone with all these new kids. Teach him teenage slang, stuff like that. And be on our side for the inevitable pissing contests. It’s us versus the British.”

A laugh escaped Peter. “History is on our side,” he joked, clearing his throat. He moved away and got up to clear the plates. “Is there anything for dessert?”

“There’s shahi tukra in a small black box,” Pepper called out. “It’s got rum in it, but I won’t tell if you won’t!”

“In the fridge, Peter,” Friday added as Peter dumped the containers and put the plates in the sink.

“Get me the flourless chocolate cake!”

“Will do!” said Peter, opening the fridge. He found a black box and peered inside. “Friday, what exactly is this?”

“According to the restaurant’s menu, it’s got saffron cake, Amrut rum, and cardamom rabri.”

Peter hummed happily as he ate a spoonful. “Don’t know those words but it’s delicious. Do I heat this up?” He raised his voice. “Pepper, do I heat this up? Also Friday, did you order more Cinnamon Toast Crunch? I’m still hungry.”

*

Daily Mail Online @MailOnline 58m

Leaving so soon? Eagle eyed fan spots Iron Man leaving Edinburgh after just ONE DAY with his secret family!

Tony Stark Updates @fyeahtonystark 1h

NEW @lottieholmes1203 saw Tony at Edinburgh Airport (Tuesday 10:30 BST) where the quinjet was parked. Unless he’s going elsewhere, he should be at the tower by 9:00 EDT.

*

“So what did we think of him?” began Aunt Lya, leading the way to the family room. Sansa, Robb, Jon, and the adults had just seen Tony to his car. Arya and Bran, who had been lounging on the sofas in their pyjamas, sat up to make space.

Lya sank into her favourite armchair and pulled up an ottoman into position in front of her. She beckoned to Sansa with a hairbrush she’d retrieved from somewhere. Lyanna made no secret of favouring Arya, who was similar to her in temperament and colouring, but she and Sansa had some things in common, like a love for lemon cakes, a fondness for blue orchids, and an appreciation of Sansa’s hair.

“He was perfectly lovely,” said Sansa’s mum, still standing at the door and looking distracted. “I’m ashamed to admit this but I expected much worse.” She pocketed her mobile and clapped twice for attention. “Right! Rodrik says the planes will be ready in two hours. Jon, Sansa, you’re with Dad.”

Sansa didn’t let the disappointment show on her face. She’d been looking forward to some gossip therapy with her mother.

“Arya and Robb, with me,” Catelyn continued. “Bran, Rhaegar will drop you off. Lyanna, you’re welcome to join whoever you want, we’re all leaving for the airport together anyway.” She looked at the group expectantly. “It would be ideal if we could leave on time, yes?” 

Their obedient chorus of ‘yes’ made her smile.

“I’ll give you company, darling,” said Granddad, standing up. “I’ll spend some time in the garden while the sun’s out.”

Arya left her prime spot to shut the door behind them, and Robb occupied it immediately. Arya stuck her tongue out at Robb, but didn’t try to win her seat back. Instead, she came to sit on the rug by Sansa’s feet, tilting her head backwards into Sansa’s lap. “He was so normal, wasn’t he?” she said in wonder, as Sansa began massaging her forehead. “You’d never know he had seventy million Twitter followers. And I thought he’d be a total arsehole, the way you lot warned us about him.”

“Yes, such liars, those rags,” clucked Nanna, looking guilty. “And he’s so kind, for all the boy’s been through. Lost his ma so young, didn’t he, Ned?” She didn’t mention Howard, who’d died in the same accident.

“Yes, mum,” the man said dutifully. He took Nanna’s small hand in both of his, and shifted closer to her. “Mum, are you all right? You’re not panicking anymore, are you? We’ve refused his money, we were very firm on that. We’ve distanced ourselves from Howard.”

Nanna sighed. “I was panicked about you before, but now I’m worried for him, the poor lad!”

“Whatever for?”

“Oh, I don’t know. He came all alone, no friends, no assistants, not even a bodyguard.”

“Don’t fret, mum,” Lya smiled, and started braiding Sansa’s hair. “He’s a superhero you know, he can take care of himself!”

“Yeah, he’s Iron Man, Nanna,” Bran added, not looking up from his phone. “Literally a knight in shining armour.”

“Oh don’t give me all that nonsense. It was certainly very odd, why didn’t he have any company? And he’s all alone in that big Tower–”

“He’s got a fiancée!” Sansa protested. “She lives with him, they’ve been together for years and she runs his company! I’m sure she would’ve been here if she could.”

“That’s exactly what I mean,” tutted Nanna, pointing a finger at Sansa menacingly. “She’s got her own life, hasn’t she? Her own work? The boy is nearly fifty, not even married yet.” She ignored Lya’s protests with a practised ease. “Where are the children, the friends, the steadiness? If you ask me,” she said, pausing importantly, as if to gather all the wisdom of her seventy-odd years, “he must be very lonely.”

“Um, doubt it” Arya scoffed. “His best friend is War Machine? He’s been in a loving relationship for ten years?” 

“And he’s friends with the Avengers!” said Bran. “Who’ve all tweeted their support publicly, listen to what Captain–”

“Those Avengers are good for nothing,” Nanna interrupted. “Left him before, haven’t they? When all that Sokovia Accords business was going on. You think I don’t keep up with all that, but I do, I watch the news!”

“If I may say so, your nan’s right,” said Ned. “He did say he wasn’t an active Avenger, and that the others live a bit away. It seemed to me that they don’t see much of each other unless it’s business. And yes, Colonel Rhodes is his best friend, but he works with the government, and he’s away quite a bit.”

“Bob’s away quite a bit,” muttered Arya mulishly. Thankfully, only Sansa seemed to have heard. She stifled a laugh.

“Peter seemed to be on great terms with him,” Robb offered. “He comes by often, he said. Had his own room in the tower and everything.”

Nanna and dad shared another look.

“What is it?” Sansa asked. “Dad?”

Her father hesitated. “Don’t you think it’s…strange to see him take an interest in such a young boy.”

Arya sat up suddenly, making Sansa jerk back. There was a horrified silence in the room.

“What are you saying, Ned?” Lya finally asked. Sansa wished she could turn to see her expression, because she’d never heard her aunt’s voice shake like that.

“You think Tony’s a paedo?” Robb demanded. “With respect, dad–”

“NO!” Ned shouted, aghast. “I don’t mean – that! Lord, no! Nothing like that, Robb,” he shuddered. “I just mean that it’s suspicious because of what happened with us and Howard. Do we ever have interns over at our house, especially over the weekend?”

Everyone in the room gave a sigh of relief. Lya had abandoned Sansa’s hair mid-plait.

“So you’re suggesting,” said Jon slowly, “that Peter’s, what, his child?”

Nanna tutted again. “Could be. Like father, like–.”

“You just defended him Nanna!” cried Arya. “Not even a minute ago you said he was a good man.”

“Calm down, Arya,” sighed Ned. “Mum, I didn’t mean it quite like that. Tony’s a good egg. He seems to be present in Peter’s life, and obviously adores the boy. He mentioned Peter on his own once, but when I brought him up later last night, he seemed to…”

“I know what you mean,” said Lya. “He was quite evasive, I thought. That’s when he invited us to Thanksgiving, isn’t it?”

Ned nodded. “So he’s protective of the lad. And for all we know, Peter has been kept a secret for other reasons. I don’t blame him for not trusting us with more information yet. Did you by chance ask Peter where he lived, Robb?”

“Er, in Brooklyn, I think? With his auntie?” said Robb, scratching his chin. “He’d called her to check in or something.”

“No, it was Queens,” said Sansa. “Tony said that yesterday, remember? Do you think she’s the mother’s sister?” she theorised, getting on board with the idea. “I mean, Iron Man has enemies, Tony Stark has enemies, so maybe Peter’s, like, in hiding?” Sansa loved a good conspiracy theory. Damn it, why wasn’t she flying in her mother’s plane? Mum was sure to have some fun opinions on the matter.

“He didn’t look like Tony at all,” scoffed Robb. “He was too pale, for one.”

“None of us look alike,” countered Bran. “And we have the same parents. Appearances mean nothing. And look, there’s no other reason someone like Tony Stark would hire a random teenage intern and give him a room in his penthouse! Dad’s totally right.”

Sansa felt the building anticipation in the room.

“Tony Stark has a secret son!” she squealed.

“We have a new cousin,” Jon said at the same time.

“Right, that too.”

*

meghan @justasmalltowngirl 3h

Anyone else hoping that the older Stark siblings had a bitching session about Howard’s A+ parenting?

*

ferrumfemme

ngl i’m happy tony got a new family and a brother and sister that look like good people but can i just say yet again that howard stark is just the worst.father.ever like can you imagine what tony’s been through, he’s suffered so so much just in the last few years, and there’s finally something good happening and it’s tinged by howard’s deceit and betrayal and just!!!!!!!! i hate howard stark and if he wasn’t dead already i’d kill him myself

#tony stark #iron man  #protect my son at all costs #tony stark deserves better #ironfamily #ned stark #lyanna stark #october 2018

*

arya_stark MEGALOL @rickonstark

*

Chapter Text

Arya Stark @arya_stark 1d

can’t stop thinking about the way american people say herbs

*

“Karen, can you send May a text?” Peter asked. He was perched on the roof of a skyscraper, deciding on the shortest route. “Write, ‘Going to the Tower, skipped last period but don’t worry I’m doing really well in Chemistry anyway.’ End message. Send.” He and May had a deal: he was to keep her informed, keep up his grades, and keep himself as safe as possible. Slinging onto a shorter building, he looked down to street level. An old lady was crossing, so he waited to ensure that she made it across safely.

“Sent message to May Parker,” Karen replied. “Would you like me to inform Mr Stark of your arrival?”

“Yes please,” Peter replied. He walked to the corner of the roof and pivoted to the right, taking off. “How long?”

“40 seconds if you take the next left.”

He waved through the windows of brick buildings, startling office employees. That shit was hilarious. All-glass buildings were a little trickier, he swung by too fast to really be sure if anyone was in there. He’d once crawled up the side of one and made a man scream, though.

Arriving at his usual balcony, Peter quickly changed and went to the labs as Friday directed.

Mr Stark was going through some documentation on his StarkPad. In one of the background holo-screens, Friday was running CCTV footage of an unfamiliar location, most likely London going by the architecture. Was Mr Stark already stalking his new relatives?

“Hey, kid,” said Mr Stark in reply to Peter’s greeting. He put the StarkPad away, and focussed his whole attention on Peter. “What have I told you about cutting school?”

“Do it responsibly,” Peter replied obediently. “I only missed the last class, there was no test, the teacher loves me.”

Tony squinted at Peter, as if trying to catch him in a lie. He shrugged eventually. “Fair enough. Hungry?”

“Always,” said Peter with a small smile. His endless appetite was a running joke between them all.

“I wasn’t expecting you for another hour and a half, so you’ll have to settle for donuts while the food arrives. I had a craving,” he explained. He and Ms Potts tried to eat as healthy as possible, which for Mr Stark meant regular meals, less junk, and less coffee.

Peter tried to be mindful of his manners while he devoured a custard donut. “What’s with the surveillance?”

“My niece, Sansa, has a stalker. I’m trying to figure out who he is using the street cameras around her office. Friday’s going through the footage of the last six months, once we’ve got a good facial print we can get his identity and a restraining order.”

Peter knew better than to ask about the legality of going through government property. “Sansa, um, she’s the older one, right?”

“Yeah, it goes Robb, Jon, Sansa, Arya, Bran and Rickon. There’s Sansa, look,” he pointed out towards the screen, where the footage had slowed to show a stylish red-haired girl exiting a car. Her door was held open by a tall androgynous person in a suit. “She’s blonde now, by the way. That’s Ashara Dayne’s studio, Sansa’s one of the senior designers,” Tony said proudly.

Peter had finally identified the ugly feeling in his stomach as jealousy, and tried to push it back and be there for his mentor. “That’s…really cool. So, uh, you had a good trip, then?”

“Actually, yes. They’re good people,” Mr Stark admitted, staring into the distance. “At least as far as I can tell.”

“How are you feeling about it now?”

“Uhh, good, mostly.”

Peter frowned as Mr Stark absently massaged his left hand, something Peter knew was his nervous tick. “Are you okay, Mr Stark?”

“I thought I told you to call me Tony,” came the reply. “And yes, I’m okay, just…a bit nervous.”

“Why?”

Tony turned to face Peter. “Okay, I’m gonna ask you something and you’re going to take your time and think about it, okay? Don’t answer immediately. Go home, think about it, talk to May, and get back to me. Yes?”

Peter nodded, anxiety building. He never understood why old people couldn’t just tell you something straight up, rather than build this awful tension and fear. He could think of fifteen worst-case scenarios off the top of his head.

Tony nodded as well. “I’ve spoken to Pepper about this before, and now, more than ever, I need to take action. Wait,” he said suddenly. “We should sit first.” He sat on the floor right there, and got up, wincing. “Too cold. Lets go to the penthouse.”

With a sense of impending doom, Peter followed him towards the elevator. Once they were in the penthouse, Tony started towards the kitchen, changed his mind abruptly, and turned towards the sofas.

“Okay,” he continued when they were seated. “Where was I? Right.” He took a deep breath. “Do you like it here, Peter?”

“Um, what?”

“Being here, your internship, the labs, all of it. Do you like it?”

“Of course!” Peter replied, taken aback. “Did I do something wrong? I’ll fix it, I swear–”

“No!” Tony assured him. “This isn’t a scolding. It’s good, I promise. Okay, so I have decided – and Pepper agrees – that I want you to have Stark Industries. As in, take over after Pep and I retire.”

“…..”

“Don’t say anything yet,” Tony said carefully, clearly expecting a bigger reaction. “This is a big responsibility, but we think you’re up for it. I don’t trust anyone else to continue what I’ve started.”

“………”

“Of course, it won’t be immediate, we’re not throwing you into the deep end,” he continued, brow furrowing. “You’ll be off to MIT soon, and we’ll keep – wait, did I break you? Peter?” Tony knocked on Peter’s forehead, startling him.

“Mr Stark, what? What.”

“There he is. I also want you to think about whether you want to keep Spidey a secret, because there will be public scrutiny and eventually there will be a conspiracy theory or two that’ll hit home.”

“What.”

“So I’m gonna send you an encrypted file with the tentative contract. Check with an outside lawyer, check with five lawyers if you want, but make sure you get NDA’s signed first. We’ll start slowly, first just a few more sightings around town, just us. Leak some info about the internship, give you a page on the website. Maybe a couple family dinners. We’re gonna have to nip any illegitimacy talks in the bud, of course, Pep has some ideas about that…”

Peter was in shock. He’d already forgotten everything Mr Stark had just said; maybe he hadn’t actually heard it in the first place.

Mr Stark noticed. “Okay, clearly I’m not helping at all, so I’m just gonna get someone who’s better at this…” he got up. “Honey, I broke the kid!” He called out.

“Ms Potts is in a meeting, Boss” Friday responded instead.

“Shit. Maybe I should – no, wait. Friday, call May Parker.”

“Calling May Parker.”

Tony squeezed Peter’s trembling hands. “I’m gonna go get you some food from the canteen, okay? Don’t go anywhere!”

Peter stared as Mr Stark ran to the elevator.

May’s voice came over the speakers. “Hello?”

“Uh–”

“Peter? What’s wrong?”

“Uhhh…”

*

“I’m sorry,” Mr Stark said quietly. “I didn’t think it would be such a shock to you.”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Peter asked, slightly less overwhelmed after a chat with May. “I mean, I know we’re close, but…”

“But?”

“But what about you and Ms Potts’ kids?”

Tony just raised his eyebrow and looked around pointedly.

Peter rolled his eyes. “Hypothetically.”

“Our hypothetical future children could be really stupid – okay, they’ll probably be smart, they’re half Pepper. So they’ll be smart enough to have you in their team rather than risk competition with Parker Enterprises.”

Peter didn’t laugh at the joke. “What if they don’t like me?” 

“Ummm, why won’t they like you? Will you be switched with some sort of parallel universe evil Peter and try to take over the world and one of my kids will have to travel back in time to prevent it from happening?”

Peter stared blankly.

“Look at that, a pop culture reference you don’t know!” Tony crowed. His grin faded into a kind smile. “Kid, you’ll be like their big brother, right? You’ll babysit and play with them and teach them things?”

“Of course!”

“Then we have nothing to worry about,” said Tony, putting his arm around Peter. “Besides, I’ve come to think of you as my kid,” he admitted. “And so has everyone around us – Pep, Rhodey, Friday, the bots. People in the company adore you too. I’ve heard them refer to you as Junior.”

Peter’s throat felt tight. He blinked rapidly and nodded, staring at his shoes. Words escaped him. Was all this because–

“And it’s not sudden, promise,” Tony answered his unasked question. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, and this whole…new family business…just made me think of it in a new way. I never officially claimed you, kind of like how Howard never claimed them. I know you aren’t my biological child, nor did I raise you like Ben and May. I didn’t even program you, like with Dum-E and the others.” Tony looked away, then, smile fading slightly. He stared with determination at an ugly painting that probably cost more than Peter and May’s apartment. “But you’ve – you’ve wormed your way into my cold dead heart, alright? And some days when it gets too much and I just want to run away, I think of you, and how I could never do that to you. Not after everything… after everything. God knows I’m no good at parenting, but–”

“You are,” Peter interrupted. He looked up at Tony and said it as sincerely as he could, because this was important. “You’re a great dad.”

Tony swallowed, nodding. He was kind enough to not mention Peter’s slip into present tense.

And that was that.

*

Spider-Man updates @spiderwatch 12m

Can people not do shit like this? It’s not funny! Spider-Man is a real person, selflessly helping the New Yorkers and putting himself in mortal danger. Please respect that!

Spider-Man updates @spiderwatch 5h

Spider-Man foiled a bank robbery in Astoria, saving 16 people inside plus employees. Police have arrived at the scene #thanksSpiderMan

*

“So class,” Mrs Winterhalter said, leaning against the table. “About today’s test.”

Peter snapped his head up, eyes wide. The test! He had been up late last night, dealing with two muggings and a derailed train. There had been another supposed mugging but it was just a bunch of guys who wanted to meet Spider-Man. Peter would have been flattered, but it was 1am and he’d been in the suit since 3pm and he’d just wanted to go to bed. The test had slipped his mind, and Ned wasn’t in this class, so there was no one to remind him of it.

He was going to fail.

“I’ve forgotten the papers at home,” the teacher continued breezily. “So I’ve rescheduled it to day after tomorrow.”

YES!

Peter couldn’t believe his luck. He looked around at his classmates, who…they didn’t look all that affected, actually. Come to think of it, they’d given him no indication of there being a test at all. No one had been revising, no one looked stressed. In fact, everyone had been quite cheerful even before the teacher had entered.

Maybe everyone else had forgotten too. Yeah, that must be it.

*

peterparker made some new friends today!

*

Chapter Text

*

people We can’t get over how cute Arya, Sansa and Jon look in this #tbt #ironfamily ❤️ | Regram @arya_stark

*

Getting back to normal life was difficult. It had been five days, and Sansa still couldn’t escape the feeling of having eyes on her constantly. One advantage of living in this city was that there was an unspoken social code among Londoners: even if they recognised her, no one approached her. But they did stare.

Brienne had warned her that this might happen – their family’s pictures had been splashed across every newspaper,  website and television screen in the UK. A scandal on this scale was rare, and people were curious. An endless stream of neighbours, business associates and family friends had stopped by the house to greet their family. Their hotels were all booked up too, and it was off season!

MI5 had to get involved in case anyone decided to attack Iron Man’s family. Uncle Benjen, in his official capacity, had worked with Jaime to beef up security around the Starks’ Hampstead home. Family members based in London were holed up there until Jaime felt it was okay for them to go back to their own places. Rickon was safe at Harrow, but Bran lived in off-campus housing, and with his disability was at an additional risk. Jaime sent his largest and most loyal employee, Wylis Hodor, for Bran’s protection. Aunt Lya had (as usual) disappeared with Rhae, and left Jon in her brother’s care.

Jon, Robb, and Sansa’s parents were all higher-ups at the company and were happy to work from home. Arya and Sansa did not have that liberty, so they were the only ones who ventured out. Arya’s play opened in a week and they were doing dress rehearsals every day, so she had to deal with rude paps who purposely took terrible photos of her.

Sansa was slightly more fortunate. Robb’s fuck-up had come at the end of fashion month. There was no chance Ashara would’ve let her run off to Winterfell during Paris Fashion Week unless there was a death in the immediate family. Fortunately, their show had been towards the beginning, and Sansa had only stayed on to check out some other designers (and support Dany, who was walking in several shows).

Ashara wanted her to be “seen”, but not outside the studio because it was “too obvious”. Instead, she had tasked her with going for every single fashion exhibition in London. Everywhere she went, people stared. She was no stranger to second glances on the street; she was a pretty girl who liked to dress well. A part of her liked it – the admiration, the jealousy, the glamour of it all – but it was quite unnerving to suddenly be in the spotlight for something she had no control over.  To avoid looking like an arse in sneakily taken pictures (people were quite shameless), she dressed normally rather than try to disguise herself. If she pretended everything was fine, the world would bend to make it so.

Which is why Sansa was currently at the Victoria & Albert museum, trying to “get inspired”.

“Maybe we should head back?” Brienne suggested gently. They’d been in the same spot for a while. It was steadily getting busier, and Sansa noticed several people gawking. She quickly agreed, and they made their way out.

“Is it okay if we go to the F&T Museum, get that over with? And Ashara texted me last night about getting started on some Met Gala pieces now that they’ve announced the theme. She thinks we might get to dress Ellaria Sand.”

Brienne whistled, impressed. “What are the chances?”

“Slim to none,” Sansa smiled. She shivered slightly as they waited for the car; she hadn’t bothered to put her coat back on. “She always wears French labels. But who knows.”

“Speaking of New York, I hear Tony’s invited you lot over for Thanksgiving. Are you going?”

“Might just be able to, I’ve barely taken time off this year, so. It’s apparently on a Thursday though, did you know that?”

“Of course,” said Brienne, opening the car door for her. “Falls on Thursday every year. It’s like Easter Sunday. You didn’t know?”

“No!” Sansa exclaimed. “I thought it was, like, a weekend event. Do they get the Friday off too, then?”

“Don’t know that much, I’m afraid. Must be, though, right? Even Americans would need a day after eating all that food.”

“Shame they don’t tell you these things in Friends.”

*

Daily Mail Celebrity @DailyMailCeleb 6h

Arya Stark bravely goes make-up free for a jog with mystery man

*

“This isn’t right,” Jon raged, banging his mobile on the dresser carelessly. “What right do these people have to judge us?”

“Vermin,” Jon’s girlfriend Ygritte agreed. She moved up to lie on the bed, kicking her shoes off. “There’s nothing to report on so they’re making it up. And some people believe it, too – the amount of rubbish I’ve overheard at work this week! I’ve even stopped reading the news cuz I broke my iPad in anger.”

“Wow, you have an iPad?” Arya snorted. She had almost finished her pint, whereas Sansa had barely had a sip. “How hipster of you.”

“Shut up,” Ygritte grinned, distracted. She frowned again. “Have you disabled Instagram comments yet?”

“I just did,” said Sansa, waving her phone at her. “Arya’s comments are far worse though.”

Arya shrugged. “They can call me fat and ugly all they want, it comes with the job. Budge up, Iggy.” She kept her empty bottle on Jon’s bureau, and joined Ygritte on the bed.

“Well I won’t stand for it,” Jon said determinedly. He’d always been protective of Arya more than anyone else. “There’s gotta be some distraction,” he continued, pacing. “Iggy, how about we elope?”

“JON!” Sansa gasped, startling her cousin. “Are you mad?”

“It’s okay,” Ygritte said lazily. “He does this all the time, trying to trick me into getting married. I think it’s repressed feelings from being a bastard.” Jon tutted in the background; he didn’t like that word. “Lyanna supports me, though,” she laughed. “She says marriage is an irrelevant institution.”

Sansa rolled her eyes internally. Obviously Lya thought marriage was irrelevant; she’d broken one.

Ygritte and Jon were an unlikely couple. Ygritte was fierce and opinionated and cheerful and loud and an anti-royalist Lib Dem. Jon was reserved and diplomatic. He was slow to anger, internalising his feelings like his dad and uncles. He was happier in the shadows even with his ambition. He was friends with the York princesses and had met the Queen.

Jon’s immense popularity had a side-effect: Ygritte was the new Chelsy Davy. She was being slammed by the press and Jon’s new fans alike for her face, her body, her background, her smile, her teeth, whatever they could find. They called her a gold digging whore, horse faced, an opportunist, a liar, and all sorts of cruel things. Jon was furious; Ygritte couldn’t give a damn if she tried. Yet another way they differed.

But they worked, somehow. If Ygritte got over her hangups with money, they might even last.

Jon was too agitated, and so ignored his girlfriend's attempts to lighten the mood. His pacing was making Sansa anxious.

Earlier in the week, someone had made a viral post about Stark men and their ginger women (or ‘redheads,’ as they’d said) using pictures of Pepper, Catelyn and Ygritte. It was funny enough at first but then royal fucktard Piers Morgan had joke-tweeted that Targaryens were notorious for marrying within family, and perhaps Jon was using “the unfortunate-looking” Ygritte because Ned wouldn’t let him marry Sansa, his true love. This was the last straw for an already seething Jon, and his furious, curse filled reply had made the evening news. Jon had been locked out of his own social media accounts.

Then, two days ago, the Mirror had posted an underhanded blind article outing Sansa, except they’d mistakenly called her a lesbian.

And now the Daily Mail website had published unflattering photos of Arya jogging, and indirectly called her ugly in the article.

“Calm down, Jon,” Arya mumbled, face buried in Ygritte’s shoulder. “We agreed to Tyrion’s plan.”

*

Robb had hired Jaime’s genius brother Tyrion as their family’s PR Manager. He’d come to dinner on Tuesday night, and gone through the basics of media spin with them. According to him, their first priority was overcoming the ‘fame-seeking’ tag. They had to assure the world that there was no agenda behind Robb’s confession, and that it wasn’t some nefarious scheme to gain power or publicity. Second, they had to keep a positive media image to avoid damaging their business or careers.

Other than the drama of their birth, there was nothing press-worthy about Ned and Lya. They were semi-famous for their businesses and charitable work, appeared in the society pages with their celebrity friends sometimes, and were well connected but ultimately boring. There was only so much the media could write up that hadn’t already been said before. The Sun had half heartedly brought up the ‘homewrecker Lya’ story, but that too was ineffective considering how well Lya got along with Rhae’s ex-wife Elia.

However, their kids were young, good looking and – other than Rickon – all of age and therefore exploitable. Robb and Jon were somewhat known because they were rich, handsome lads with famous friends, but the others were still relatively unknown. The public, especially the youth, wanted to know more about them, either to tear them down or to ‘stan’. Sansa and Arya, being female, would be the larger target of the media. Gossip journalists would judge their looks, their bodies, their clothing, their micro-expressions, their relationships, their careers, everything in their past.

If Tyrion succeeded in his plan, they’d become media darlings by the end of next week.

There was method to his madness, apparently. There were two markets for them to tackle: the general populace, and the readers who employed critical thinking. There was only one way to seamlessly win over both: use mildly objectionable and insulting stories to vilify the family. This way, the discerning readers wouldn’t consider any relatively positive stories a publicity gimmick, and would take negative ones with a grain of salt. Gossip-lovers would rag on the family for a bit, but later start feeling sympathetic and rally behind them. Oh, those poor Starks, they’d say. Haven’t they suffered enough? Leave them alone!

Meanwhile, the family would be quiet. Beyond the initial statement, they’d give no interviews, say nothing to address any of the rumours, just go about their lives. Until things calmed down, everything would fall to Tony, who was media trained and knew what to do. Then, of course, the papers would change their tune as well, pretending as if the Starks were the pride of the nation.

No one had really been pleased about the passive reaction to this situation, especially when Tyrion gave examples of the Kardashians. Robb had looked so guilty though, and he’d agreed to bear the brunt of it all. Tyrion had then leaked mildly juicy stories about their family, like the time Robb dated Jon’s half sister Rhaenys and the time Jon lied about his identity to try and join the army. A ‘friend’ posted an embarrassing video of Robb drunkenly propositioning Cressida Bonas at a party. An ‘source close to the family’ spoke about the tensions between Catelyn and Sansa over the latter working for Ned’s old girlfriend. A fan account was given photos of Robb’s goth phase and a photo of Arya at a party, holding a ’suspicious looking cigarette’. The press rehashed the time Lya and Rhae trashed a hotel room in Barbados. TMZ mysteriously sourced footage from the time Robb nearly assaulted the paparazzo hounding his then-girlfriend Jenna Coleman.

All relatively harmless, relatable stories. All they’d have to do is wait for something big to happen, and the tide would turn.

*

*

Chapter Text

*

Star(k)s: They’re Just Like Us!

By Westeros Weekly Staff  October 20, 2018

They Need Caffeine!

Early in the year, Robb was seen all bundled up for a warm cup of coffee (Jan 4th)

They Take The Tube!

An eagle-eyed fan remembered this year old picture of Jon from the famous Twitter account @asleeponthetube

They Enjoy Music Festivals!

Sansa and Robb party with Doctor Who stars Matt Smith and Jenna Coleman during Glastonbury 2015

They’re Proud of Their Heritage!

Ned collected his OBE from the Princess Royal at Buckingham Palace dressed almost head-to-toe in tartan in Nov 2016

They Get Star-struck!

Sansa Stark fangirled over Ryan Gosling at a charity ball in May, uploading the photo to her Instagram account @sansastark. She jokingly captioned the image: “Sorry boys. I'm off the market.”

They Handle Their Own Luggage!

Lyanna (pictured here arriving at LAX last week) is described as a ‘free spirit’ by those close to her. Kudos to her on travelling light!

They’re Dog People!

The Northern Inuit is the family’s favourite breed. Pictured here: Sansa and Lady.

They Multitask!

Jon was spotted leaving a supermarket near his girlfriend Ygritte Freefolk’s house. He was juggling his phone, a carrier bag and coffee.

They Goof Around!

12 year old Arya makes big sister Sansa laugh in a family photo. Catch Arya's critically acclaimed play at the Hampstead Theatre NOW (link)

They Get Drunk and Embarrass Themselves!

Click here to watch the video of Robb drunkenly proposing to good friend (and Prince Harry’s ex) Cressida Bonas, pictured here at a pre-BAFTA party in 2017.

They Support Their Family!

Robb and Jon supported little sister Arya on the opening of her new play A Girl Has No Name (Oct 18). Click this link for tickets!

*

Chapter Text

*

INSTAGRAM 3s ago

sansastark is now following you

Peter swore, sitting up on the sofa to check his phone properly.

May looked up from her sewing machine. She was attempting to make a skirt from old bed covers. “What’s up? Is it Kanye again?”

“I don’t follow Kanye. Or the Kardashians,” he added, anticipating her next question.

“Not sure I wanna know, then,” May joked, but she didn’t look away.

Peter bit his lip. “Um, you know Mr Stark’s niece?”

“You mean Arya? Yeah, I like her! Michelle told me all about her, did you know she can fence? And she’s an archer. And she knows ballet, and she’s a show jumper, isn’t that amazing?” May asked. “Makes you feel really inadequate, huh! How’s her play doing?”

“MJ got to you too, huh?” Peter grinned. “And yeah, the play’s getting rave reviews. But hang on, no, I meant the other one. Sansa.”

“Oh, right, yes. Beautiful girl. What’s she done, then?”

“She followed me on Instagram,” Peter said in awe. “And I checked, it’s really her. Look.”

May frowned suspiciously, getting up and taking the offered phone to go through Sansa’s profile. She looked around the room, and then giggled to herself, shaking her head. “I’m already wearing my glasses, silly me!” She scrolled the wrong way, and then the right way. Peter’s hand itched. He hoped May didn’t accidentally double tap something. Way to be creepy. “Why is she following you? How does she even know you?”

Peter shrugged, just as clueless. Was he expected to follow her back? What was the etiquette in this scenario?

“This is so sweet,” his aunt said, voice softening. Peter peeked at the phone, it was a picture of a young Sansa with a baby. The tag marked it as Rickon, the youngest sibling. He was smiling, and she looked ecstatic. “Maybe Tony’s told them about the whole, you know.” May did an awkward shoulder movement to avoid saying it out loud.

‘You know’ had become a standard phrase around their house in the last week. May had reluctantly agreed with Tony’s decision to leave SI to Peter. She wasn’t exactly happy that her nephew would have such a huge responsibility on his head, but Pepper had assured her that Peter could leave the business part of it to someone else and just handle R&D, like Tony had. Besides, this was all way into the future and so they had time to work out the logistics. 

“Don’t think so,” said Peter, shaking his head. “He said he’d wait until after they visit for Thanksgiving.”

“Ew, he’s doing Thanksgiving?” asked May, wrinkling her nose.

“Tony isn’t celebrating it or anything. I think he just wanted an excuse for a big meal and party.”

May walked back to her sewing. “Rich people don’t need an excuse, their life’s a party,” she sniffed.

“May, come on!” Peter protested, and May laughed.

“I’m only joking. Why not Christmas, though?”

“Um, the Starks – the other ones – invited them to Winterfell for Christmas, it’s apparently beautiful there? Like, postcard pretty. So Pepper wanted to host them here first. Plus, she wants our support when she meets them. There’s nothing else to celebrate before Christmas. I mean, I guess there’s Halloween but I don’t think it’s very big there.”

Peter could see that May wasn’t convinced, but she didn't argue, and continued with her skirt. Peter craned his head from the couch to have a look. It actually looked okay, but Peter hoped she didn’t try to make anything for him. Ben and Peter had suffered enough when May went through her knitting phase. He looked back at Sansa’s profile, and decided to follow back. 

“Oh no!” May cried out, holding her finished (?) skirt up. “This was supposed to be sewn right side in!”

*

queensansa

Click the readmore for an updated list of all the people that have wished Sansa a happy birthday so far.

keep reading

#sansa stark #sansa25 #birthday #sansa turns 25 #stark family #mine

*

INSTAGRAM

peterparker

Hiiii! Are you the same Peter that Robb met?

Hey! Yeah, that’s me. :)

Could I ask how you found me?

Tony was telling us about you

OMG am I being creepy?

I’m so sorry!

I can back off, no worries!

Oh! No, no it’s totally okay

I was just wondering

Happy belated birthday by the way!

Oh aren’t you nice! Thank you xxx

We’ll be seeing you for Thankgiving, I expect?

Yes! :)

That’s lovely, we’re looking forward to it x

Yeah, same here!

*

“Aren’t there any pictures of him?” Arya complained. “I need to see his face, does he look like Tony, does he look like us?”

“I know, ugh!” Sansa agreed. “Why can’t people make it easy for us to stalk them?”

“Can you ask him to send a selfie? Is that weird?”

“Mega weird! There has to be a better way.”

“Maybe he has Facebook,” their mum suggested. It was just the three of them right now and Catelyn had taken the opportunity to spend some time with her daughters and catch up on gossip.

“He’s 16, no chance he’s got Facebook,” said Arya.

“True,” Catelyn conceded. “And if he ever had an account, I’m sure Tony’s scrubbed it, what with all those privacy concerns.”

Sansa shook her head. “Facebook is for old people, mum. Not you, mum, of course,” she hurriedly corrected herself, seeing her mother’s pout. “You’re super young! You must have been a teen mother!” Okay, she’d made it worse. She looked at her sister brightly, screaming on the inside. “Arya, any ideas?” 

Arya’s grin was nearly splitting her face in half, but she gamely came to Sansa’s rescue. “Um, we could look up his aunt,” she said, grabbing her mother’s mobile to open up Facebook. She paused, thumb hovering over the virtual keyboard. “Hang on, do we know her name?”

Sansa quickly scanned Peter’s Instagram, checking for mentions of his aunt. There was a picture of a smiling woman in front of a Christmas tree, but the caption was just the Christmas tree emoji and ‘May’, which was probably some sort of in-joke or reference because it was dated 24th December.

Clearly his Instagram was going to be useless, Sansa decided. “Do you think,” she wondered aloud, “there’s any way to make discreet enquiries with Tony?”

“And say what?” asked Arya, making a face. “Hey, we want to stalk your secret son, can you help?”

Sansa smacked her sister’s arm in annoyance. “No, stupid. Maybe we can say we want to bring presents? And to personalise them we need their names!”

“Oh yes,” their mum said, jotting down a reminder on her mobile. “We need a list of invitees and their likes or dislikes, perhaps a wishlist? Thank you, darling,” she added to Sansa. “Good thinking.”

Sansa beamed, relieved that her mother wasn’t cross at her.

“Oh, maybe Pepper could help, you’ve made friends with her, right?” said Arya.

Catelyn nodded, already composing an email.

“Do you think Pepper likes Peter?” Sansa wondered. “Do you think she knows?”

“Um, your partner bringing some rando – a child, that too – to live in your house? Of course she knows!”

“God, it must be strange,” Cat mused. “Seeing a child your partner had with another woman. I don’t know if I could be as welcoming, and having him in my own house? Pff!”

*

Spider-Man updates @spiderwatch 2d

Hey this is Noah! I met Spider-Man today, he is so fantastic. He was free so I asked him some of your most frequent q’s - identifies as he/him, doesn’t mind ‘Spidey’ but prefers Spider-Man, won’t reveal age/ethnicity/sexuality. Selfie for proof:

*

“Laundry day already?” a voice greeted Peter as he made his way into the tower.

“Hey, FRIDAY!” he replied, walking into his bedroom and taking his mask off. “Yeah, a guy threw up on me, it was so gross but I get it, that fire was scary as hell. There’s a bit of soot but no damage and you can tell Mr Stark I didn’t inhale any smoke because the filter worked and…” Peter trailed off, turning around at the sound of footsteps.

It was Pepper, wearing pyjamas and fluffy slippers. She looked like she’d had a long day. “You’ll be the death of me, Peter,” she sighed, taking a look at the vomit-and-soot covered suit. He quickly pressed the release and took it off, throwing it into the laundry chute. “Why do you jump into literal fires?”

“It was the 56th floor–”

“See on one hand I get that–”

“–and I let them take care of the fire itself–”

“–but on the other hand what if you got hurt–”

“–I just rescued this one guy!”

“–or had to take your mask off and got identified?” Pepper finished.

Peter pouted. This was a monthly argument with both May and Pepper. The latter often clubbed it with ‘you and Tony have a saviour complex the size of New York.’ There was only one way to resolve this. Peter opened his arms and let Pepper hug him. Neither of them cared about him being in boxers anymore.

“Hi,” she mumbled into his shoulder, breathing in deeply.

“Hi,” he smiled back. "Long day?"

"The longest," Pepper sighed. "And then I saw you'd jumped into a burning building."

Peter stayed quiet, refusing to admit any guilt. She'd get over it. He rubbed Pepper's back a bit and they swayed side to side. “Feeling better?”

“No. Maybe after you shower.”

He didn’t let go. “Yeah, I must reek. Hey, have you had dinner yet? Oh wait, you had that meeting.”

“I did, but I couldn’t eat anything. I’m famished,” Pepper lied breezily. She finally moved away, taking her phone out of her pocket to place the call. “Chinese?”

“Pizza,” Peter countered, knowing Pepper wasn’t actually going to eat a bite either way. He took his own phone out, scrolling through the notifications. “And maybe some of that tiramisu you like from that one place?”

Pepper brightened up considerably. “Oooh, yeah, I really need that today. Okay, take a quick shower and the food’ll be here by the time you’re done. I have a few emails to send anyway. And I’ll check in with Tony, he must be up by now.”

“Oh, can you ask him to get some more of those nice face masks he got May last time? And if he can find some interesting tech for me to fiddle with if possible? Doesn’t have to be fancy, Samsung’s fine. Oh, and that spice paste! And the good kimchi!”

“Will do,” Pepper replied, walking away. “If you hurry you might be able to stop me from snitching about the fire!”

Peter threw his phone on the bed and rushed into the bathroom. “FIVE MINUTES!”

*

Jack Smith @jackblacksmith Feb 26

How does Spiderman clean his suit? Does he go into the laundromat? Does he have a discreet dry cleaning guy? 

*

Chapter Text

*

BBC Breaking News @BBCBreaking 12m

Vale Models chief Petyr Baelish arrested as ‘undeniable’ proof of prostitution ring and human trafficking is submitted anonymously to Scotland Yard.

*

Sansa was woken up by a banshee’s wail. A glance at her phone revealed it was nearing seven, but it was still quite gloomy outside. Ugh, the days were getting shorter, how ghastly.

All was quiet now, but she could hear the distant shriek-speak of what could only be Lysa Arryn-Calthorpe-Williams nee Tully, known to her family as Lolo. Joy.

She took her time completing her morning routine, noting that she needed to buy more hand cream. Her face was slightly puffy, and she hurriedly downed a bottle of water to reduce some of the bloat. It’s only water retention, I’m not getting fat sitting at home, she reassured herself. And I will be beautiful even if I become fat.

Putting on her dressing gown, Sansa made her way to the drawing room and peeped in from the doorway. As expected, Auntie Lolo was doing some sort of dramatic reenactment as Sansa’s parents sat opposite her, reluctant spectators. Much to Ned’s chagrin, Lolo and her third husband had moved recently to a property quite near theirs, and tended to come over more frequently. Everyone knew to clear off whenever Auntie Lolo – or her rather odd son Ormerod – visited.

“I just can’t believe it,” Lolo was now saying, clutching her cup of tea with both hands, manners forgotten in her distress. “This is so unexpected, you see?”

“Yes, so you’ve said,” Ned pointed out unhelpfully. He’d never had much patience for his sister-in-law’s theatrics.

Against her better judgement, Sansa entered the room. “What’s the matter?” she asked, perching on the arm of her dad’s chair. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh, no, it’s horrible, poppet! My life is ruined!”

“It’s alright, Lolo,” Catelyn soothed. “Drink your tea. Sansa, dear,” she smiled pleasantly. Sansa knew that smile, and quickly stood. “We’re just dealing with a small matter, why don’t you proceed with your day?”

Sansa nodded, burning with curiosity. “Feel better, Auntie,” she said softly, prompting another loud sniff from her aunt. Wincing, she left the room and hid just behind the door.

“She looks much better blonde, doesn’t she?” she heard Lolo say in a faux-hushed voice. “One needs to have the right complexion for the Tully hair, and she rather favours your unfortunate tone, doesn’t she, Ned?”

Her (loyal, brilliant, too-good-for-the-world) parents did not offer up a reply. Sansa hated herself for wondering if her aunt was right.

“I can’t believe little Petyr Baelish was–” Cat began after a long silence. “And you, Lolo, have you no – how long was this going on?” Her voice started getting that hissing quality that even Robb feared. “It's so fortunate that you didn’t get arrested with him, do you know how it looks, being–”

Petyr Baelish…the name was familiar, but Sansa couldn’t place it. Who was he? What had he done? What did Lolo do? Sansa wished her mother would finish a sentence.

“You can’t judge me, Cat, he’s my soulmate!”

“You dated him when you were sixteen,” Cat scoffed. “He is not your soulmate!”

“I have never loved any of my husbands as I love Petyr,” Lolo sniffed. “Pour us some more tea, Nedders, be a dear.”

Sansa strained her ears to hear her mother’s hushed voice over the sounds of the tea service. “But what he’s done is disgusting, Lolo, how could you justify–”

“Maybe he’s being framed, I don’t know! But forget all that, d’you know the worst part?”

“The child trafficking? The prostitution? The wide-scale sexual abuse?”

Wide eyed, Sansa covered her mouth to stifle her gasp. What on earth……This sounded like very juicy gossip but Sansa had only a fraction of the information and none of the context.

“Ned!” Cat chided.

“What? It’s true!”

“Ned, do you have no care for me at all,” Lolo asked in a hateful voice. “Do you not see, my reputation is on the line. My social status is at stake and if anyone talks, I’m done for!”

“Oh god…don’t tell me – no!”

Oh god what?! Don't tell me what??? No WHAT? Sansa wanted to scream.

“Everyone talks about their affairs, don’t pretend you’re above it, Cat!”

Sansa heard a deep breath being let out, and her father’s shuffling footsteps going towards the bar. In the resulting silence, Sansa tried to refrain from thinking about her mother's – fictional, certainly – marital indiscretions.

“Who knows about it?” Cat asked. Sansa knew her mother’s ‘damage control’ mode.

Clearly Lolo recognised it as well, because she immediately rattled off a list of names. Sansa only recognised Cersei Lannister and Alerie Tyrell, though. Maybe Sansa could ask Margaery if she knew anything.

Her stomach rumbled. Figuring she’d heard enough, Sansa made her escape.

*

Steve Rogers Retweeted

Johnny Isakson @SenatorIsakson Oct 29

Enjoyed talking with @steverogers as @VAChair about how we’re leading the way in bipartisanship in the Senate Veterans’ Affairs Committee to ensure our veterans receive the best care. #CaptainAmerica and I also discussed why trade relationships with our neighbors is vital.

*

“Okay I know I shouldn’t judge,” Peter said quietly, “But Wanda and Vision is just…isn’t it a bit creepy? I mean, it’s practically cradle-robbing.”

“Yeah, man, it’s beyond creepy to me,” Steve Rogers nodded, shifting slightly. “I’m trying to be open minded about it, but she’s just so young!”

“She’s young?” Peter replied in shock. “What about him?! He’s practically a baby! He was made, what, three years ago?”

Cap sputtered, and died. “Man, I hate this game! Come on, reboot.”

Peter laughed. Steve was alright. After a shaky start (made worse by Peter accidentally calling Steve “Mr America” in their first meeting), Cap would often hang out with Peter whenever Peter made it to the compound on weekends. Peter didn’t know if it was boredom, or some sense of obligation, or just loneliness, but Captain freaking America always made time for him. HIM, Peter Parker! Peter would bring old cult movies for Steve to watch – last week was The Breakfast Club – and they’d sit and chat for hours about politics or history or whatever took their fancy. Once Peter had realised Cap was a liberal, socialist, feminist, LGBTQ+ ally, he’d quickly made Cap a Twitter account so the old man could yell into the void.

(Obviously the @steverogers handle had already been taken, and the girl who originally owned it had hustle, but they got it eventually. Mr Stark had enjoyed the negotiation so much that he’d offered the girl a social media internship on the spot. She was quite funny, Darcy something. Turned out she also knew Thor, AND she’d interned with Jane goddamn Foster!)

Yesterday, Peter had introduced Cap to Fortnite, and they’d been up practically all night playing. Between the two of them, they’d demolished eight pizzas, twenty breakfast pastries, twelve coffees, nineteen sodas, three tubs of Ben and Jerry’s (Cap’s favourite flavour was Loki Lime Pie, gross) and six burgers.

Peter rebooted the game. “Mr Stark says he’s growing and learning, but I dunno.”

“You’re right,” Cap said slowly, brows furrowing. “Just because he looks old doesn’t mean he is. I mean, he’s just finally learned about walls and privacy.”

“Ohmygosh I know! Remember when he floated into my room that one time?”

Cap chuckled, not looking away from the screen. “Wasn’t that the time you fell from the ceiling? That was amazing.” 

“I fractured my tailbone,” Peter said petulantly. “I couldn’t sit up for four hours. And the doctors had to look at my butt.”

Cap roared with laughter. Peter killed his character in spite.

“Hey, so listen,” said Steve, laughter finally subsiding. He put his console away, so Peter did the same. It was getting late anyway, and it was Monday tomorrow. “Tony told me he’s training you to take over the company, and I just wanna say congratulations. You’re gonna be great at it.”

Peter swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. “Thanks, man. Uh, yeah, it’s. It’s something. I’m still coming to terms with it.”

“Can I help in any way?”

“Thanks, but not really,” Peter smiled, and stood, collecting his backpack from under the coffee table. “Besides, what we do – just hanging out and stuff – is good. It keeps me from overthinking, you know?”

“About?”

“If we talk about I’ll think about it, okay? Oh hey, do you want me to tell you about the Heisenberg uncertainty principle? We’re learning about it in Chemistry and–”

“Damn it, I can’t even lecture you about bottling it up,” Steve said ruefully, moving to get up. “With the role models we’ve been to you–”

“Um, hello, no!? My aunt is incredibly well-adjusted, thanks!” Peter interjected, fiddling with the drawstrings of his hoodie. “It’s just gonna take me some time to process it all, you know?”

“How long did it take you to process being Spider-Man?”

“Bold of you to assume– wait, no,” Peter frowned. That didn’t quite work.

Steve stared, mouth twitching.

Peter’s brain didn’t offer up any alternatives. He slowly backed away. At the door, he finally turned tail. “That was close,” he mumbled to himself.

“I have super hearing too, you know?” he heard Steve say.

"I'm making a tactical retreat like you taught me!" he yelled over his shoulder, walking faster.

“Don't forget to remove the breadsticks from your purse!”

"OHMYGOD"

*

NED

Cap just quoted the Olive Garden meme at me

I can't even

ARE YOU SERIOUS PETER

Tell me everything

Better not, I made a total fool of myself

More than usual?

Just for that, I'm not telling you

*

*

Chapter Text

*

IDEAS | INTERVIEW

Tony Stark Breaks His Silence

BY LIV SMITH November 13, 2018

Smith is a TIME correspondent based in New York

Nearly thirty years have passed since weapons manufacturer and WW2 hero Howard Stark was killed in a tragic car accident. In the following years, his son Tony led Howard’s legacy and Stark Industries to great heights, moving from the weapons industry to sustainable energy, communications and cutting edge medical technology. Over a month ago, Tony found out (with the rest of the world) that his father had two secret children. In his first interview since the news broke, Tony “Iron Man” Stark speaks to TIME about the infamous video, his new family and the future of his company.

How did you find out about the video?

Same as everyone else. Well, not exactly. My publicist sent me the video and asked me if she should verify it.

Surely this was not the first claim of a relation with you. What made this one different?

Oh, definitely. There have been various claims by a number of women, teens, and adults. However, all of these claimed to have/be my own child. Someone saying my father had illegitimate children? That was definitely a first, at least in my lifetime. Looking at the family, it didn’t seem like a hustle for money, either. Still, we went through the usual channels. Checked dad’s accounts and correspondence, even did genetic testing.

Can you tell us the events of that night?

This isn’t the first time I’ve been asked this question, but it’s the first time the intent wasn’t sordid. Same answer as always though: no.

You have admitted in the past that you shared quite a tumultuous relationship with your father. How has this revelation influenced your thoughts on him?

I mean, who doesn’t have a Cat’s in the Cradle sob story, right? Therapists send their kids to college on the trauma money. Mine probably bought an island. I’m kind of torn up about the whole thing. My siblings have a father, who did an outstanding job of raising them, and Howard was just this distant figure for them. They had no pressure, no media scrutiny, no kidnapping attempts, and are remarkably well-adjusted. My sole regret is that I missed out on so much of their lives, and didn’t see my nieces and nephews grow up.

Do you feel that your personal growth has made this a better time for them to come into your life?

There’s never a right time, only the right people. I think they could have entered my life whenever – pre-Afghanistan, or when Howard was alive, whenever – and we would have shared the same equation.

How is your new family?

They’re good people. I’ve seen the shit the British media says, but they’ve had a hate boner for me for ages so I’m not surprised. I don’t like it when they attack the kids, though.

Are the rumours true about them spending Thanksgiving with you?

Yes! We're all very excited. 

Seeing as you have no children yet (that we know of), will we see the torch of Stark Industries being passed on to one of the British Stark children?

You’ll find out with the rest of the world when it happens.

*

“Don’t worry about it,” Tony was saying, seemingly to no one. He was throwing some sort of hologram ball into the air, catching it with alternate hands. “I'm annoyed it took me this long, Baelish is a smart motherfucker. I didn’t know he was so closely connected to you.”

“I’ve barely met him myself, but Cat and her sister had quite the shock,” a man replied through the speakers. Ah, a phone call. Peter dumped his backpack on the couch and beelined to the fridge. He grinned when he saw a large covered bowl labelled “Peter” right in the front.

“Don’t keep the fridge door open!” Tony called out, and immediately made a face. “Ugh, I’m a soccer mom.”

“Hey, soccer moms are the backbone of the community,” Peter chided, taking his bowl and making his way to the kitchen island.

“Hello?” the voice said hesitantly.

“Oh, my bad,” said Tony, throwing the ball at the floor, where it disappeared, and making his way towards Peter. As he got closer, his phone’s proximity field moved with him and Peter could finally see a projected video of Tony’s brother. “Ned, say hello to the kid. Peter, this is my brother Ned, the less cool Stark.”

“Hello, Peter,” Mr Stark – Ned – said warmly, ignoring Tony’s jibe. He was holding his phone up to speak, unlike Tony.

“Hi, Mr Stark,” Peter replied, waving. “You know, my best friend is called Ned!”

“Nice, solid name,” Ned Stark smiled. “Are you just getting home from school, Peter?”

Weird way to put it, Peter thought. He was just about to correct Mr Stark when Tony spoke up instead. “He’s already digging into his post school snack. Did your kids eat as much as this one?”

The betrayal! Peter would’ve defended himself…except he was indeed, eating a bowl full of chilli that would normally feed three people. He took a large bite, suddenly ravenous.

“I swear Jon had four stomachs, the way he ate,” Ned laughed. “The others were away for school so I wouldn’t really know. How was your day, Peter?”

“Mmhmm,” Peter said intelligently, nodding and trying to swallow quickly. “Yeah, um, yeah it was good! How was yours? Or wait, is it just beginning? It looks dark.”

“No, you were right the first time, it’s just about 9 at night here. I’ve had quite the day, but I won’t bore you with the details. Let’s just say having Tony for a brother gets more and more rewarding. I shall be very glad to see him soon. And of course, I’m looking forward to meeting you, Peter.”

Peter smiled shyly. “Yeah, I’m looking forward to it too. Uh, I hear you have a son my age? Will he come?”

“Can’t confirm anything about Rickon, I’m afraid. He’s at Harrow, it’s quite a chore trying to get him out. I’m sure you’ll get on with the others, though. We’re a friendly bunch.”

“Yeah,” Peter enthused. “Sansa already got in touch on Instagram. And I met Robb, of course.”

“Yes, you made quite the impression. The others are dying to meet you as well,” said Ned. He paused, and Peter could hear a muffled voice in the background. “Well lads, it was lovely to chat, but I’m missing Eastenders. Speak soon!”

“Bye,” Peter and Tony chorused. The projection disappeared. Grateful, Peter resumed stuffing his face.

“So?” Tony asked. “Opinion?”

“His accent is cooler than yours,” said Peter, swallowing. “And he seems nice.”

“I got all the funny in the family, though, right?” Tony asked, pointing finger guns at Peter.

“YES!” Peter replied immediately, feeling slightly guilty. “Not a single joke in the whole conversation, it was killing me trying to keep a comment in! You’re way funnier, if a bit–”

“Uh-uh, sentence stops there,” Tony said, mock-scolding. “Finish your food and hit the labs, today I want you to do the grunt work I had to learn before I invented the better, cooler tech. Copper wiring, old fashioned coding, no AI.” He started walking away, typing away into his Starkphone. “If you’re going to MIT you need to slum it for a year before I give them free upgrades.”

“Who says I’m going to MIT?”

“What?” Tony cupped his ear, as the elevator doors opened. “Can’t hear you, did you say something? FRIDAY, did Peter say something?”

“Yes, Boss!” FRIDAY replied. “Peter said he would like to get donated to a community college.”

“I don’t get that reference!” Peter yelled over Tony’s loud cackle.

*

peterparker literally had this conversation irl #isthisthereallife

*

“Arya!”

“What?”

“Check your Insta.”

“Oooooh. Ask him what it’s about!”

“Already done.”

“And?!?!”

“He’s typing!”

“….”

“Okay, he says Tony wants him to go to MIT – how cute, he’s explaining that it’s a college – but he’s joking with him that he’ll go to Stanford instead!”

“Are these the posh uni’s, then?”

“No, I think that’s Harvard and that Ivy lot, I remember Harry Hardyng went to one of those cos he didn’t get Oxbridge. Stanford and MIT are the smart people uni’s, d’you remember Anjali from four houses down? Wait, was it Anjali or Reena? No, it was Anjali! Anyway, remember she went to Stanford? She works for Google?”

“If you say so. Anyway so Peter’s really smart then, if he’s so confident he’ll get into these places?”

“Seems like it. Wonder where he gets those genes from, eh?”

“Fucking hell, can you believe the genius gene skipped our entire line?!”

"I mean...I guess Bran's okay?"

"Is he, though?"

*