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Chapter Text

October 10th, XXXX.

The Kyuubi was rampaging, destroying and wreaking havoc among the village. As a civillain child, there were no ninja parents or siblings to carry you away to safety. As rubble fell, you could only keep crying as the force of the Kyuubi suffocated you.

Your caretaker was on top of you, motionless. A relatively poor girl, she'd been hired by your parents to watch over you. Now, she lay over you, attempting to shield you from the worst of the Kyuubi.

It was obvious that she was dead, given the lack of movement.

Except for the fact that you couldn't breathe with the body on top of you. You trashed as your desperately tried to get air. 

But a baby was practically powerless against the heavy weight on top of you.

In the end, soon after you're life had begun again, darkness greeted you as oxygen failed to enter your lungs.

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In Naruto, there weren’t many things that could give you a leg-up without you being born with it or having crazy drive.

As a civilian, you unfortunately lacked any sort of kekkai genkai, or a clan to teach you exclusive jutsu.

Having shitty-chakra control as well ruled out being any sort of Tsunade.

And you were lazy enough that you didn’t want to take the path of Maito Gai and become a taijutsu beast.

But there was something that caught your eye. Something, which if you could use properly, would give you an enormous advantage even without being born lucky.

Fuinjutsu.

An amateur computer programmer in your past life, you decided to test out the seal you’d come up with based on the couple of books you’d read. They hadn’t been in-depth (damn library restrictions), but you thought that you’d gotten a decent hold of the basics.

Activating the scroll, you grinned as it began to glow…

…and promptly blasted your head off.

Epilogue:

“Did you really think fuinjutsu was easy?" Uzumaki Kushina said in the afterlife, with a sickly sweet smile on her face.

You’re on your own, Uzumaki Mito looked at you, pityingly.

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Many other reincarnations might have struggled being reborn, trying to survive in a world where clan kids had a leg-up while being a civilian, and sometimes even an orphan to boot.

You’d gotten lucky, however. With the full package, you were a clan kid (and not a bastard, at that). And you even had parents! Plus, you weren’t born into the Uchiha or Hyuga clans, so you could rest easy about any drama.

It was easy being a clan kid, not having to worry about getting kicked out of the academy as long as you were decent enough. Having family techniques were sure to allow you to survive. And you were even at the top of your class!

At least, that's what you thought until you actually went out on your first C-Rank. You’d never killed before, but you’d found no need to prepare yourself for any future missions.

But unused to striking in a real situation, you froze, and the enemy ninja didn't hesitate to strike.

You, a clan child, the top of your class, were killed by another genin.

At least you wouldn't be alive to face the shame of your family.
You felt a little bit of sorrow for how your parents would react towards your jounin-sensei.

'Konoha's coddling of Clan Kids is really detrimental,' you thought, before dying.

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You were excited to finally be in the academy. Today, the teacher had explained about chakra and how it was used. He’d made sure to stress multiple times, however, about it’s dangers.

Never initially practice without supervision, you remembered hearing countless times.

But with your knowledge of the anime, along with being older than you seemed, you thought you’d be fine.

Besides, what was the worst that could happen?

“Chakra is so cool! I'm going to try channeling it through my body and be like Sakura, and Tsunade too!'

Epilogue:

It was a terrible day for the new genin as they were called to clean up the mess left behind on the Training Field. One even threw up at the mess left behind. “And this is why we always need supervision when training with chakra early on," their jounin sensei sighed. Damn kids, who refused to listen to their teachers.

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If Naruto could attempt talk-no-jutsu, surely you could too.

You ignored the thought about how plot armor was probably the only reason he was able to get away with it.

But alas, it turned out talk-no-jutsu wasn’t very effective on a raging Juugo.

Oh, why hadn’t you just run away and opened a tea shop instead?

"Why is talk-no-jutsu only limited to Naruto?" you complained for the millionth time incessantly in the afterlife. To be killed by Juugo of all people, during one of his rages.

Couldn’t it have been Itachi, or one of the other members of the Akatsuki? At least then you might have enjoyed dying a little more. "Shut up," Fugaku snarled, as both of them were currently spying on Sasuke. He was currently failing to kill Itachi.

"Fuck you, old man. Look at your children with their fucking brother complexes."

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October 10th, XXXX.

“Obito,” you said quietly, wheezing. It wasn’t too late. He still hadn’t taken control of the Kyuubi yet.

“How do you know that name?” he snarled, immediately placing a blade to your neck. Not an unexpected outcome, but you didn’t care. There was still hope for the village after all.

“Obito,” you gasped, “remember Rin. Surely she wouldn’t want—”

The gurgling of blood was the only sound left as Obito pulled out the kunai and you fell to the floor, dead.

In the end, you hadn’t managed to change anything whatsoever and accomplished absolutely nothing at all.

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You closed your eyes, and steeled yourself.

Being born in Suna instead of Konoha had irked you for a while, but you decided to make the best of the situation. After all, not everyone could get exactly what they wanted.

That was why, in your best clothes and freshly washed hair, you decided to approach the red-haired boy.

“Hi,” you said brightly, “do you want to be—”

You screamed as sand quickly crushed you and left you for dead. Another tally mark on Gaara’s list of kills.

Were you crazy? Insane? So utterly idiotic that you’d approach a boy who’d killed countless others?

Those were the questions Suna’s jounin tried to figure out as they tried to console your wailing grandma.

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“OMG,” you cried out squealing, “it’s Uchiha Itachi!”

You were an ultra-fan in your previous life. You’d had a shrine for Uchiha Itachi, and had utterly loathed Sasuke (taking great pleasure in posting about it everywhere that you could).

That brat could have never appreciated the true greatness that was his brother.

As a fan, surely Itachi wouldn’t kill you?

Unfortunately for you, Uchiha Itachi didn’t take to well to people broadcasting his name like that.

You didn’t even have the pleasure of being placed into Tsukuyomi as you were quickly killed by your favorite character, still deluded about just how great he was.

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Sitting in the inn, you breathed a quiet sigh of relief at the knowledge that so far, you’d encountered no pursuers as you’d escaped from the village.

Then again, you were just some lowly genin, but you’d still have a minor bounty on your head all the same. By now, you were surely registered in the bingo book as a low-level threat not worth much.

Hopefully, your lack of value would deter any pursuers who wouldn’t find it worth their effort to catch you.

Unfortunately for you, you’d end up encountering a man who cared about any scrap of money he could get his hands on.

“They weren’t even worth that much,” Hidan grumbled, dragged along by Kakuzu. He shook out the blood in his hair.

“Everything bit of money counts,” Kakuzu countered, as he religiously counted the yen he’d received.

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As an genin of Iwagakure with no notable ties to anyone important, you were immediately shoved onto the frontlines after being dragged out of the academy.

You knew you were destined to become canon fodder, but surely you could defy the fate that the higher-ups had forced you into.

Slowly, you became more and more confident about your chances of surviving as Iwa’s forces managed to wear down Konoha’s, until one of the jounin let out a horrifying screech.

“It’s the Yellow—” he never got to finish his sentence, and countless shinobi never even got the time to react as they were quickly killed by the force of the man on the battlefield.

“Fuck my—” was your last thought.

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If you ever saw Shisui again, you were going to crush his eyeballs, and then distribute the remains across Konoha. Or feed them to Tora, you weren’t feeling particularly picky.

Apparently, he decided to fuck you over when you told him you had foreknowledge about the Uchiha Massacre and dumped you at the footsteps of T&I.

Fuck you, apparently, even though you were trying to help him and Itachi.

The last thing you’d ever see were the blue eyes of Yamanaka Inoichi, who would destroy your mind and leave you a vegetable as he was unable to comprehend another language and the way that you viewed the universe.

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Remembering the signs from the show, you placed your hands into the formation for the summoning jutsu.

From what you knew, without a contract, you’d be teleported to the realm of the summons which best suited you.

After all, the same thing had happened to Jiraiya.

Unfortunately for you, the summons weren’t exactly happy about being disturbed by a random human.

“And why, exactly, should we give you a contract?” the polar bear asked, incredulous.

“So that you can help me save the world from a rabbit goddess,” the clearly insane human replied.

The polar bears believed they were doing a service to the world when they killed the mad human.

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In secret, you constantly reviewed the steps Jiraiya had gone through with Naruto in order to teach him the rasengan.

So far, you’d managed to perform each step adequately (as far as you knew), so there was no reason why you should fail. Everything had lined up with the anime.

Going to an isolated clearing, you took a deep breath and readied yourself.

How would people react when they saw the revival of what was thought to be a lost technique with the death of the Yondaime?

“Rasengan!” you shouted, only to be torn apart by the blades of wind chakra.

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The last thing you saw was Danzo's face, and you cursed the fact that you hadn't told Minato about this him. Then again, making accusations of someone so high-up was bound to be dangerous, but you were suffering the consequences of not warning anyone about the geezer.

"Don't take this personally," he said, as you choked on your blood. Well, how else should I take it? "Your knowledge is just a threat to my protection of Konoha."

The biggest regret of your short-lived life was that you’d died seeing Danzo and his ugly mug. At least it could've been Minato, so that you could've had some eye-candy as you died.

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Ibiki had managed to milk you dry of every bit of information. Unfortunately for him, you’d died, but he still managed to gather everything he’d found and submitted his findings to the Hokage.

Unfortunately for Sarutobi Hiruzen, the mess of paperwork on his desk would prevent Nara Shikaku from knowing crucial information until it was far too mate.

"Hokage-sama, with all due respect, why the fuck did I not know about this intel?"

Hiruzen was deeply ashamed. He swore he kept track of his paperwork, but someone this report from Ibiki had been buried. He'd only seen it when Naruto came barging in and the paper smacked him right in the face.

"In my defense, Shikaku..."

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"Shit," the Yamanaka said, as they looked at the dead, catatonic body of their classmate.

They were just testing their new mind-jutsu out, because they really wanted to impress Iniochi-sama and win the hand of the clan heiress.

He looked around panicked. In the end, he just left the scene and dragged the body into some bushes, then locked himself inside his room in the compound.

The death was later ruled as 'training gone wrong,' although nobody knew that he was involved at all. He didn't know if someone in his clan had traced it to him but then covered it up.

He would later fail his jounin-sensei's exam and die during Sand's invasion during the Chunin Exams. Allegedly.

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I had been born into the Aburame clan. I knew that overall, it was better to be in a clan than to be born into a civilian family. My clan would ensure that I was taught fairly and competently, and give me a leg up with their hiden techniques.

But ever since I'd heard the name, I knew what I had to do.

I was never, ever going to have those insects inside my body.

I locked the door of the bathroom and took out the chakra pills I'd snuck from my father. Enough of these would lead to a quick, and hopefully painless death.

When my mother kicked the door open, she could only scream in horror at the dead, lifeless body of her child.

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You were an Uchiha toddler. Born into a clan where you could work hard enough and with good genetics, be able to survive the brutality of this world. 

At least, it would’ve worked if you’d been any older. Instead, you’d been born a couple of years younger than Sasuke, even younger than the likes of Konohamaru.

Unfortunately, you kept stumbling over your Japanese words. As your mind was far older than a child’s and still constrained by the obstacle of being an adult and learning a new language, it took you twice as much effort as a regular baby to soak up the language proficiently, even if you were immersed in it. and weren't able to communicate much 

Warnings of Itachi, the Massacre, Danzo, and Obito went unheard as you weren't able to say things correctly.

The last thing you saw in your short life (physically and chronically) was the orange mask of Obito before darkness swiftly took over.

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Being born in Kiri, the “Bloody Mist,” instead of Konoha was such a drag. I couldn’t really recall much about the place other than the fact that Zabuza had massacred his entire class. Other than that, it seemed like any other place, except for chakra-wielding individuals.

One day, I excitedly discovered that… I had a kekkei genkai! I could control water telepathically to a limited degree.

"Look!" I cheered, as I made my water fly around the room. My babysitter quickly dropped their plate.

"No," she pleaded, to her chunin boyfriend who'd tagged along. He hadn't really had anything better to do, apparently. 

"She's just a child!"

"That's the perfect time to kill, then," he said, and the last thing I felt was a sword through my ribs.

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Bars. I could only look on despairingly at how they surrounded me. I was caged, like an animal. Like I wasn’t even human.

That was basically the truth, at this point.

From context clues, and the cameo made yesterday by an elderly, one-eyed man, I knew what my fate was: to be sacrificed as one of Orochimaru’s many experiments to develop the mokuton.

I already knew my fate. I wasn’t male, after all. I could see Yamato in the cage next to me, sucking his thumb.

“A single death is a tragedy.”

I would only be remembered as a statistic.

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I was lucky to be born into a rich family in the country of Lightning, even if I was forced to be a civilian.

“Girls shouldn’t get involved in violence.”

At first, I despaired at not being able to use chakra like a ninja. But constant access to luxury and having a mini army of servants to constantly pamper me after years of working for soul-sucking corporations in my past life won me over.

Of course, like all good things in this world, it couldn’t last.

It was the land of Lightning that gave me this life.

It was also Lightning that took away this life.

As I looked into the heterochromatic eyes and silver hair of my murderer, I couldn’t even bring myself to dislike him.

My fifteen years of life were quickly ended by lightning through my heart.

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It was the day of Kirigakure’s graduation exam for all of the academy students. The only thing you had to do was survive, and then you’d become a genin.

Of course, things never went they way that you wanted them to.

Gulping, you met the gaze of a tiny little boy with a big-ass sword on his back. How could he even carry the weight of the sword? It was honestly unfair.

“Momochi Zabuza,” he said, with a sick, twisted grin on his small face, “a pleasure to meet you.”

You couldn’t react as a chibi Zabuza stabbed you before moving on to your remaining classmates.

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When you’d heard about a biju in the Land of Wind, you’d hauled yourself across miles and miles of land to try and reach them. 

You planned to warn them about how Hagoromo Ōtsutsuki (the Sage of Six Paths)’s crazy mother (Kaguya Ōtsutsuki) had a plan to come back.

Surely, once they’d heard what you had to say, they’d agree to help you?

Unfortunately, the chakra was toxic enough for you to become delirious and mad as you kept on walking, forgetting about why you were doing so in the first place. This only continued until you dropped dead due to organ failure.

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You’d decided that based on what you’d seen in the anime, it wouldn’t be too hard to run away after provoking the wrath of the kuniochi by peeking at them.

But apparently, you’d overestimated your skills a lot against a horde of angry kuniochi. You knew Jiraiya was a fucking sannin, but you never thought that it meant you'd suffer a near-instant death just because of a little peaking.

A day later, Kakashi shook his head at the news of the death of another chunin who didn't know any better. The only one who could ever survive those women was Jiraiya.

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"Sasuke's isn’t really that pretty," you huffed, looking Sakura directly. "The Fourth Hokage was way hotter."

"She's not wrong," a chunin kuniochi whispered. Even some of the male shinobi couldn’t argue against that. Most of them embarassingly remembered swooning over the Yondaime.

It was you and Sakura against each other in the chunin exams, and you were confident you were going to win. 

Kakashi was a just a useless teacher after all, to caught up in his issues, and Sakura was just a useless fangirl who was an absolute simp for Sasuke.

"What. Did. You. Say." Sakura growled.

Oops. You must have said the last part about Sakura being useless aloud.

"I don't know what the hell is a 'simp,' but you'll pay for that!" she screamed, and suddenly you remembered how the women of Naruto seemed to get a lot more powerful when angry.

Plus, as a background character, there wasn’t really a justifiable reason for why you’d survive.

The last thing you remembered was hearing a "SHANNARO!" before your head exploded with the force of Sakura's punch.

At least her dress would probably be forever stained by your blood.

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Shit.

Today was the day of the Uchiha Massacre, and there wasn’t much time left for you to change things. Itachi would probably come to kill you and the other clan members any minute now.

You decided to book it across the Uchiha section of the village, and finally came to the border.

“Oh, thank god,” you said, relieved by the sight of the ANBU. “Uchiha Itachi is going to kill the Uchiha clan on Danzo’s orders!”

“You aren’t supposed to know that,” a monotone voice replied. Before you could express horror at your mistake, your head fell onto the grass, wet and bloody.

At least you were still mewing when you died.

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With your foreknowledge and advanced maturity compared to others the same age of you, it was clear to anyone in the orphanage you were a genius.

Unfortunately for you, becoming a civilian prodigy similar to the likes of Itachi or Kakashi was not in the cards for you. Rather, it turned out that Danzo had taken quite the interest in you.

“And now, both of you will fight,” the Root member said tonelessly. “Whoever survives will win.”

You looked at the young boy across from you, hesitant but willing to do what he had to do to survive. You couldn’t do the same.

Danzo was furious when he heard that his handpicked genius orphan had easily died in such a basic trial.

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You were young and rich, and were simply living life to the fullest in Naruto. Born in Yugakure, your parents owned some of the most famous hot springs in the village and made bank off the tourism.

As a civilian, and a rich kid at that, there wasn’t much for you to worry about. Everything would be handed down to you, and as long as you were careful, you would be able to live a life of luxury in a mostly harsh world.

Unfortunately for you, a certain immortal, foul-mouthed religious fanatic paid a visit to town the one year your parents decided not to travel.

Why did Jashin have to ruin your rich kid lifestyle?

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Eyes gleaming, you faced Hinata. 

“I know that you don’t really care about Naruto-kun,” she accused you.

You could deny it, of course, but she wasn’t wrong. 

And it was getting boring, pretending all the time. 

You’d only befriended Naruto because as annoying as he was, you knew that having his loyalty would be an investment with an absolutely massive return.

Plus, his connections and heritage didn’t exactly hurt.

“And? What are you going to do about it?” you asked, sneering at Hinata. 

But suddenly, Hinata seemed to grow exponentially powerful.

“No one gets away with anything against my Naruto,” she said, every word laced with power. Her killing intent could have made Uchiha Madara himself stop in his tracks.

It only took one brush of a finger to kill you.

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“You two are so cute,” you said, looking at Tobirama and Izuna. Both of them were currently locked in a stalemate as they locked swords with each other.

“What the HELL?” Uchiha Madara said, thundering furiously. Surprisingly, Tobirama didn’t intervene in his hostile display towards a civilian. “How DARE you insinuate such a thing?”

“Calm down,” you said, smirking, “I know you’re jealous of them because of your own sexual tension with Hashirama.”

Both Tobirama and Izuna jointly watched, mesmerized, as Madara lopped off the civilians head, raging at their words. 

When they noticed how close they were, they quickly put some distance between themselves before Madara could notice, and locked swords once again.

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Living in a sea of red hair and spirals, it was easily to conclude that you’d been reborn in the Uzumaki clan. Plus, it was easy enough to latch onto a word repeated numerous times around you.

With jonin worth ten ninja of other villages, you felt relatively secure in your chance of survival. Plus, learning fuinjutsu was sure to help keep you secure in the world of Naruto.

Unfortunately for you, you never even got the chance to draw a spiral on paper when the attack on Uzushiogakure commenced, killing yourself along with nearly everyone else on the island.