Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Leorio rubs his hands on his pants for the millionth time that afternoon. He is so nervous. He knows his fiancé Kurapika is nervous too because he won’t stop dusting off the front table although it is beyond clean. They went through and scrubbed the whole house in preparation for today. Leorio and his fiancé have been talking to their social worker, and Kurapika’s close friend, Melody Tayoshi about bringing a foster kid into their home. They were sort of hoping for a young kid that they could give their love to but when Melody called them about a fourteen-year-old that desperately needed out of his abusive house they couldn’t turn him away. Kurapika and Leorio both love helping people, especially children. Melody couldn’t tell them much over the phone, but the situation is bad. Even so they desperately want the kid to feel safe and comfortable in their home. Leorio rubs his hands on his pants again. He sees Kurapika run his fingers along the front table again and he comes over to wrap his arms around him from behind. He leans down to kiss his head.

“It’s okay Pika. The house looks great. We can do this.” He says trying to sound as confident as possible.

Kurapika looks back and gives him a knowing look his nervousness fading. “Are you telling me that or you?”

Leorio laughs softly relaxing also and then there is a soft knock on the door. Kurapika puts on a calm, happy face but Leorio can see in his eyes that he is nervous. He gently pulls out of Leorio’s arms and opens the door. Melody smiles and steps in the door.
“Hey. How are you guys?”

“We are fine.” Leorio smiles back. “Where is the kid?”

Her smile gets slightly more strained. “Killua is in the car. I have a couple things to talk to you about before he comes in.”

Kurapika nods and gestures to the couch. Leorio and Melody sits down and Kurapika leaves the door open before sitting on the couch by Leorio. “What is it Melody?” Kurapika asks grabbing Leorio’s hand.

“Well, I know I haven’t told you guys much about Killua’s situation. He is from a very powerful family.” She looks slightly uncomfortable. “He is from the uh… Zoldyck family….”

“The what?” Leorio asks. “Those infamous assassins? You can’t be serious.”

“It’s true. The police have been trying to catch Silva and Kikyo Zoldyck for years but there was no concrete proof. Then last week their son Killua Zoldyck ran away from home. He was in horrible shape.” Melody gets choked up and wipes her eyes. Kurapika grabs her hands. “Probably the worst case I have seen since I have had this job. He…… Anyways the police were able to arrest Silva and Kikyo on child abuse charges and they are hoping to keep them in jail for longer by getting proof of their other crimes. Killua has two other brothers Illumi and Milluki. They are both adults and have small apartments in the city. Illumi offered to take Killua in and usually we don’t separate siblings but Killua begged us to not take him to Illumi’s house. He won’t tell us why.”

Kurapika nods slowly looking deep in thought. Leorio puts a comforting hand on his partner’s knee. Leorio unfortunately having a lot of experience with abused kids because of this ER job at the children’s hospital recovers a little faster. “What happened to him?”

Melody hands them a manila folder. “It is all in here. I suggest you guys look at it tonight. A couple things about Killua before I bring him in. He doesn’t do well with touch, he is skittish, and he is short tempered. But I promise you he is a good kid. And he insists that his parents are not wrong for what they did to him. Lots of kids who have experienced abuse perceive their abuse this way. Also, he won’t eat anything that isn’t packaged.” She sees their questioning gazes. “We don’t know why. I’ll go get him.”

Kurapika sighs once Melody leaves. He kisses Leorio softly and sighs again. “This sounds like a lot. I hope we can help him.”

“Me too Pika.”

Kurapika gets up to take the folder upstairs. Leorio stands up and rubs his hands on his pants. Melody comes in with a boy following her. He limps in slowly. His limp is soft and almost unnoticeable like he is trying to hide it. He is looking away and has his hood pulled up. Leorio can't see his face only his bright white hair.

“Killua this is Leorio. Leorio this is Killua.”

Killua lifts his head and Leorio has to hold back his gasp. The kid has soft features and clear blue eyes. He has marks slicing along his face. They don’t look like welts or bruises though. They are red, swollen, and split open like he got whipped. His eyes are rimmed with red, and his skin is really pale. Leorio feels a huge sense of protectiveness and anger surge in him. He hopes his parents rot in jail.

“Hi kid. I am Leorio.”

“She just said that.” He says under his breath. Leorio barley heard him but it makes him smile. Killua looks him over cautiously and sighs. “I am Killua.”

“Yeah. She just said that kid.” Leorio jokes.

Killua’s eyes brighten just a fraction and he smiles. Then his smile slowly fades back into his indifferent expression.

Kurapika comes down the stairs a little quickly and Killua’s eyes instantly flash to him, his body tensing up. Leorio watches as Kurapika comes to a stop next to him and fixes his slightly ruffled blonde hair. “Hi. I am Kurapika. You must be Killua.”
Killua nods, relaxing minutely. “I’ll show you to your room.” Kurapika says. Killua nods again and follows him upstairs his eyes darting around taking everything in.

“Thanks for this Leorio. He really is a good kid.” Melody sighs. “Also, he still is a little sick from the whole ordeal. They couldn’t figure out what was making him sick. They suspect it may be stress from everything going on. The doctor said he improved a lot so he should be totally fine in about a week and the wounds should heal completely in about a month.”

Leorio nods.
--

Kurapika watches Killua look around his room cautiously. “If you don’t like it, we can decorate it differently.” Killua nods subtly. Kurapika still hasn’t heard the boy speak. Kurapika stands off to the side sort of awkwardly. He isn’t sure what to say. “Hey uh, it is kind of late. You want some dinner? Are you hungry?”

Killua looks at him suspiciously. “Aren’t I in trouble?”

Kurapika is surprised to hear the boys voice but then he feels himself frown. “What do you mean?”

Killua’s face twists into something akin to frustration. “Aren’t I in trouble? I caused a lot of problems and I am sure I will take up a lot of space here. And since I am in trouble wouldn’t….”

Kurapika starts to piece things together. He thinks he is in trouble. And for punishment he doesn’t think he would be fed. Kurapika now notices the loose way the shirt is hanging on him and the subtle hollowness of his face. He feels anger rise in him at the Zoldyck family. Soon he can’t hold it in, so he politely interrupts although his voice is strained. “Killua did they withhold food from you when you were in trouble?”

Misinterpreting the tone of his voice Killua’s face blanches. He takes a small albeit panicked step back. When he speaks his voice comes out shaky. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. I was just confused. And you did offer so I should have just…”

Kurapika forces himself to file his anger for later and smiles softly at the panicking boy trying to put on a calming demeanor as one would do for a panicked animal. He interrupts again. “Killua? Are you hungry?”

Killua for some reason gets paler. “No please, I know I messed up, but I am almost feeling better, and I don’t want to feel bad again. Please I can’t take anymore right now…” At that the boy seems to panic more and there looks like there might be a hint of tears in his eyes. “I mean of course I can take more but please don’t give me anymore please!”

Kurapika knows he looks just as lost as he feels. He knows what Killua was scared about before but now he is beyond lost. Then he remembers what Melody said about packaged food. He doesn’t know if this will help but it is worth a try. “Killua. You don’t have to eat anything I make. Okay. How about we go to the kitchen and you can pick out something that’s packaged. Okay?”

Killua slowly calms down. Then his cheeks get red probably embarrassed from freaking out. He searches his face for something and then after deciding he nods slowly. “O… Okay.”

Kurapika smiles trying to look non-threatening. He files whatever the hell just happened for later. “Okay follow me.” Kurapika leads Killua downstairs to the kitchen. Leorio is already at the table looking deep in thought as he eats some of the spaghetti he prepared for tonight. When they found out Killua would be coming today Kurapika made it because it was comfort food and very filling. Kurapika smiles at him.

“What are you hungry for? You can look in the cabinets.” Kurapika asks.

Killua still looks confused but he nods and starts nervously searching the cabinets. Killua finds some ramen noodles and pulls them out. Kurapika watches as Killua presses the package gently between his fingers to check that there is still air in the bag. Satisfied that it hasn’t already been opened Killua opens the noodle packet and looks at the noodles in curiosity. Kurapika watches as the young boy takes an experimental bite out of the raw noodles. He hears Leorio let out an accidental laugh next to him. Killua’s head snaps up and he flushes, his pale skin turning a bright pink. He realizes that Killua just left a really rich family and probably had people to make his food for him constantly. He smiles.

“I can show you how to make those.”

Kurapika walks Killua through the simple process of cooking ramen noodles. Killua watches him with heavy concentration. After Kurapika hands him the bowl Killua sniffs the noodles. He then takes a small bite, chewing carefully. Kurapika hears his stomach grumble and Killua deciding he was too hungry to be warry about whatever it is worrying him starts readily shoving noodles in his mouth. The dinner is quiet and Killua watches Kurapika and Leorio carefully the whole time but at least he eats. After Killua is done he places the bowl in the sink and thanks them for dinner. He quietly heads back upstairs. Kurapika tries to listen for his footsteps but finds that he can’t. God, he hopes Killua is okay. He honestly doesn’t know how to help him. He just hopes that they can help provide some more stability for him. He makes a mental note to take Killua shopping for some more packaged food options, so the young boy doesn’t have to eat only noodles until he grows to trust them. He also wants to grab anything else Killua might need. Kurapika is pulled from his thoughts when Leorio sighs next to him standing up. He kisses Kurapika’s head and collects their plates placing them in the sink.

“Tell me what’s on your mind Pika.” He feels his partner rub soothing circles in his tense shoulders.

“I just hope we can help him.” Kurapika rubs his temples and sighs. “Plus, I hope we can understand him more.” Kurapika tells Leorio about what happened upstairs. They both agreed that the Zoldycks must have been starving Killua occasionally and they both agree they have absolutely no idea what he was worried about after Kurapika offered him food. Kurapika feels Leorio press another kiss to his hair.

“I’ll go get his file. I know you like looking at everything before you head into a situation and honestly, I want to know more about the kid also.” He says then heads upstairs.

Kurapika goes to his small office in the front of the house and grabs his satchel. He has to make some lesson plans for his class, but he will work on that after they look over Killua’s file. He carries his satchel back to the table just in time to meet Leorio coming down with the folder. They both settle down at the table. Kurapika grabs the folder and slides it open. The first thing he sees are pictures. Nothing could have prepared him for the pictures. He feels his breath catch and his stomach roll. They are all pictures of Killua when they first found him. He is sitting in the doctor’s office in only ratty blue shorts. His face, arms, torso, and legs are an expanse of huge slashes. They split his skin and are raised and red. They look nothing like the healing wounds Kurapika saw on his face earlier and he thought those were bad. He can’t even begin to think of what makes scars like these. The next few pictures are just endless assortments of bruises, burns, and other markings. Some raw and red, others healed over from past abuse. He can see Killua’s ribs protruding in the first picture. The worst part is the haunted, emotionless look in his eyes.

Kurapika swallows down the need to vomit and slides the pictures to Leorio unable to look at them anymore. He watches his fiancé’s face pale as he looks them over, then his face slides into the caring yet impassive look that he sees Leorio get when he has to deal with particularly bad cases in the children’s ER. He remembers when Leorio first started working at the hospital and sometimes he would come home crying and distraught over some of the cases there. Especially the child abuse cases. It was almost too much but slowly over time he became more experienced and practiced with this. He knows Leorio cares about his patients deeply and if he didn’t slip into this state of clinical detachment then the job would destroy Leorio.
Kurapika looks back at the folder. The next page has what looks like the outline of a child’s body with small almost indecipherable notes on the side. It looks like almost all of the body parts have notes excluding the area between his waist and his upper thighs. He hands Leorio the paper.

“Love, what does all this mean?” Kurapika hands Leorio the doctor paper. Leorio turns the pictures over and then grabs the paper.

“It’s a list of all the injuries they found.” His voice becomes softer and clinical as he rubs Kurapika’s shoulder giving him comfort. “There are so many…… Let’s look at the most pressing ones first okay?”

Kurapika takes a deep breath mentally preparing himself. Then he nods.

“He has lacerations across his face, arms, back, chest, stomach, and lower legs. They were caused by…” Kurapika hears Leorio’s voice hitch and his shoulder rubbing stops. He clears his throat and starts rubbing again. Kurapika is appreciative for the comfort of Leorio’s hand on his shoulder so he offers some comfort of his own by putting a hand on his knee. “Caused by a whip. He has a small cut under his eye probably caused by a small knife of some sort. His wrists have erythema and abrasions from being restrained. Killua says he was hung in the air by metal cuffs. His chest is covered in small precise cuts and small circular burns. The cuts are believed to be caused by the same tool as the one on his face and the burns are caused by cigarettes. He has a lot of bruising along his hips, but they were unable to look further because he refused to let the doctors look under his shorts. He became hysterical and injured two doctors when they tried. Lastly, he has no other immediate injuries on his lower legs other than the whip marks…. The rest of the injuries are healed from past abuse so we can look at those later. We don’t want to overwhelm ourselves tonight. So, uh….” He clears his throat again and continues. “Onto internal injuries. He was really sick for unknown reasons and kept throwing up for the week he was in the hospital, but he gradually got better. It looks like the rest of the damage is mental. They want Killua to start seeing a therapist, but they are giving him a week to adjust first.”

Leorio sets the paper down to gather his thoughts. They are both speechless. Kurapika can only feel horror and anger. He doesn’t understand how anyone could hurt their kids. Killua must have been through hell. He is fourteen. That’s fourteen years of hell. Kurapika feels tears threaten to fill his eyes but he blinks them away. He feels the anger rising. God, he wants to hurt Silva and Kikyo. He wants to make them pay for their atrocities. He looks over and sees a similar battle going on in Leorio. It’s so hard. Both him and his fiancé are people that if there is a problem they go out and fix it. But they can’t fix this one and the overwhelming sense of helplessness is suffocating.

Kurapika gets up and kisses the back of Leorio’s neck to ease some of the tension out of both of them. Then he turns to the stove to make them both a quick cup of passionflower tea. Kurapika became obsessed with tea lately and he got Leorio hooked. There is a cup of tea for every emotion. They wait to start speaking again until they both have had a few sips of the calming tea. “Okay. So, it was worse than we imagined. But we can do this right..... Right? No…. We are so not qualified. What if we make him worse? What if he hates me? What if I…”

Leorio smiles at him gently and the pulls Kurapika in his arms interrupting his sentence. Kurapika feels the warmth spread to his toes in Leorio’s big arms. It’s in moments like this where Kurapika loves their height difference. In moments like this he loves feeling so small in his lover’s arms. Leorio's voice is soft and Kurapika feels it rumble through his body from the hug. “Don’t forget. You’re not alone anymore. You have me.” He feels Leorio press an affectionate kiss into his hair. “Just lean on me.”

Chapter Text

“It’s okay Killua. Just come out.” Killua hears Kurapika say from outside of the dressing room.

Killua feels his face flush as he comes out. Killua really really wants to be annoyed right now since this is the fifth outfit the man has had him tried on. Unfortunately, Kurapika’s happy personality makes him annoyingly hard to be irritated with. And with Killua that’s saying something because it doesn’t take much to annoy him. Kurapika looks at him and his brown eyes light up like he is genuinely enjoying buying Killua clothes. Killua flushes more.

“That looks great Killua!” Kurapika comes over and smiles.

“Wh… Whatever… Do you want to see the last one?” He asks shoving his hands in his pockets and looks at his shoes. He peeks up and Kurapika nods enthusiastically which makes him flush more and rush back into the dressing room.

Killua strips off the clothes and reaches for the purple turtleneck that Kurapika picked out. This is Killua’s favorite outfit out of Kurapika’s picks. It is a purple turtleneck under shirt, with a white short sleeve to go over it, and some greyish blue shorts. He really likes it, he has to give it to the blonde man, he has good taste. Killua peeks at the mirror although he knows he shouldn’t. He sees the marks on his face and chest. He worries his bottom lip between his teeth as he looks lower down his body in the mirror. He sees the bruises along his hip bones that dip under his boxer briefs. He is repulsing. He feels the nausea rise in his stomach and he can’t bear to look at his body anymore. For some unknown reason he finds himself desperate to get back into Kurapika’s presence so he can feel better. He rushes to put the clothes on but for some reason before he goes out, he feels sick. What if Kurapika suddenly realizes that Killua is disgusting. What if he looks at him and can tell the awful thing Killua did? They will send him back for sure. He bites his lip harder until he tastes blood.

“Killua you okay?” He hears Kurapika ask softly.

Killua slowly steps out and peeks up at Kurapika’s face. Kurapika is smiling at him happily. He doesn’t look repulsed so Killua relaxes a fraction.

“You know Killua you were right, that’s my favorite one also.” Kurapika smiles and Killua feels his lips moving into the same shape.

“Ooh Killua we should look at these other clothes also.” Kurapika gushes. Killua feels the smile slip from his face.

After trying on a few more outfits, they finally pay for the stuff and leave to store. Killua follows Kurapika to go get some food. Killua doesn’t mind eating at restaurants. He knows they won’t poison his food and it gives him a break from the packaged stuff. It has only been three days, but he has also only eaten ramen noodles for those three days. He follows Kurapika to a Dairy Queen in the food court. Killua has never been to one before but it has pictures of delicious looking food and better yet pictures of mountains of ice-cream covered in chocolate! Killua can’t help but to pour over the menu almost drooling. He hears a small chuckle from next to him and Killua’s eyes snap to Kurapika. He is looking at Killua obviously amused. Killua flushes and looks at his shoes.

“I just like chocolate.” Killua grumbles out.

“That’s alright. We can get some chocolate ice-cream for dessert if you want.” He hears the soft-spoken man say. After they order they are waiting off to the side for them to have the food ready. Kurapika is telling Killua a story about how Leorio got in trouble with his professor when they were in college together. Killua is listening intently and laughing along when he sees this boy. The boy looks just like Ikalgo. Killua finds his eyes following the boy. He has the same floppy brown hair and hazel eyes. The boy must feel Killua looking at him because he looks at him and smiles. Killua blushes but doesn’t break eye contact. He knows that the boy isn’t him, but he hasn’t seen him in so long it’s nice.

“Order number sixty-eight!” Killua hears the man at the front counter yell. He finally pulls his gaze away from the boy so he can follow Kurapika to get the food. They sit down and Killua finally sinks his teeth into something that isn’t noodles.

“What about you Killua?”

Shit. Killua hasn’t been paying attention since he saw that boy. “Um…. What did you say? I’m sorry.” Killua mumbles out nervously. Would Kurapika hit him like his parents did when he stupidly blanked out? Killua braces for a hit.

Kurapika just laughs. “I said what’s your favorite kind of weather?”

Killua relaxes when Kurapika doesn’t hit him. The man’s laugh is so calming. Killua feels himself smiling. “Well, I really like the rain. It smells good and when it rained, I would sneak out of the house to play on the grounds around the mansion. My friend…. I mean our uh butler Ikalgo would come out with me. We would splash in puddles and….” Killua’s smile falls as he feels a bittersweet wave of nostalgia hit him. “Well, that’s all. I just really like the rain.”

Kurapika smiles. “That’s cool Killua. I really like the snow. It makes everything pretty and it all matches. Plus, I like making hot chocolate in the cold weather.”

“Hot chocolate?” Killua perks up at the mention of chocolate. “I never really liked the snow. Father used to….” He catches himself. Pull it together Killua. He doesn’t know what it is about Kurapika that makes him so easy to talk to but that’s the second time today he has almost let something he shouldn’t slip out of his mouth. Killua must look troubled because Kurapika’s face turns worried. Great. Killua just ruined their fun day together. He has to get mad now. All Kurapika does is offer a small smile. Killua feels his lips being pulled into a smile to match the others. Geez he is turning him into a sap.

“Are you done?” Kurapika gathers his trash. “There is only last clothing store I want to look at.”

Killua groans. “Kurapika…”

Kurapika just laughs.

Three agonizingly long hours later they are on their way home. Kurapika got him a bunch of clothes, shoes, and things he might need for school at the mall. Then they stopped by the grocery store and they picked out some food (most of it Killua has never heard of) for Killua to eat and Kurapika bought him two chocolate bars. They pull into the driveway and Killua helps Kurapika carry the things out of the car. They really are not heavy, nothing he isn’t used to. Killua starts to help Kurapika put the food away.

--

Leorio sighs as pulls up to the house. It has been a long night at the ER, and he is just ready to see Kurapika. He just got off and it is 12pm. He honestly doesn’t even know how he is still standing considering he just worked a thirty-six-hour shift. Leorio walks into the house yawning. Kurapika and Killua are putting the groceries up. Killua stiffens a little when Leorio comes in but Leorio doesn’t take it to heart, he just offers Killua a smile and goes to kiss Kurapika’s head, making sure to not touch him with his dirty scrubs. He sees Killua smile out of the corner of his eye and then look away quickly. Leorio smiles.

Kurapika reaches up on his tip toes to cup Leorio’s cheek. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” He smiles. “Just tired. It was a long shift.” Leorio smiles and then heads upstairs to get in the shower before he contaminates anything. He strips out of his scrubs and puts them right in the washer. Then he goes and gets in the shower. He methodically washes off and gets out. Kurapika looked so cute downstairs. They both have honestly been so happy, albeit a little stressed, since Killua came and Leorio loves the constant smiles from his fiancé. Leorio stretches and puts on some more comfortable clothes. He wants to spend some time with Kurapika and Killua. Then he wants to have some mind numbingly perfect sex with Kurapika (Honestly one of the best things about being engaged) then he wants to drop on the bed and promptly die for at least ten hours.

Leorio walks downstairs to find Kurapika making lunch and Killua on the couch watching tv. Leorio comes in, humming to himself quietly so he doesn’t catch Killua by surprise. Leorio sits on the opposite end of the small couch from Killua. Killua stiffens but doesn’t get up to move so Leorio takes that as a small win.

“What are you watching?”

“Say Yes to the Dress.” Killua grimaces and Leorio almost laughs. “Kurapika left it on. These girls are ridiculous. Your so lucky you are not marrying a girl.”

Leorio laughs softly. “So you would think. Pika is a lot more like the girls in that show then you realize.” Leorio shudders slightly and it was worth it because Killua laughs.

He feels a sharp pain from his ear that he recognizes as his lovely fiancé. “What did you say?” Kurapika asks sweetly as he tugs harder on Leorio’s ear.

“Ow. N…. Nothing babe. Ow. Ow. Pika the ear.” Leorio grumbles out which just makes Killua laugh more.

Kurapika lets his ear go and smiles sweetly at Killua like he isn’t mini-Satan. “Lunch is ready Killua.”

Killua keeps laughing softly as he follows Kurapika into the kitchen. Leorio made him laugh. Leorio smiles at his small victory as he walks into the kitchen to their dining room. Killua is sitting across the table from Kurapika so he can watch them carefully. Leorio sits by Kurapika. He feels his stomach grumble from the smell of the grilled cheese and tomato soup Kurapika made. He digs in and looks at Killua. Killua is staring at his unopened hot pocket.

“You okay kid?”

“Uh yeah. What is this?” He pokes the bag containing the hot pocket.

“It’s a hot pocket.”

“Yeah. That’s what the package says.” Killua grumbles.

“Well, uh. That one is ham and cheese so its like…… You just have to try it.”

Killua opens the package and like it isn’t hot as hell picks it up with his bare hand and takes a bite. His sapphire eyes light up.

“This is so good!” He moans and starts eating with more gusto. Leorio smiles and keeps eating. Leorio is helping Kurapika clear off the table as Killua is finishing off his fifth hot pocket. They hear a knock at the door and Kurapika goes to open it. Leorio sits back at the table after throwing the trash away. Leorio hears the door open.

“Kurapika! It’s sooooo good to see you! Where have you been? I went to visit your class like always, but you haven’t been there for three days!” Leorio hears Gon’s energetic voice travel from the living room. Leorio laughs a little to himself. They should have known the energetic boy would be here soon because Kurapika was gone for a few days. Gon was in Kurapika’s kindergarten class the first year he started teaching. His Aunt Mito is the sweetest and her and Kurapika became good friends. They also babysat Gon a lot because Mito was totally overwhelmed with him. His dad ran off when Gon was young. Leorio met the asshole once and let’s just say after a “talk” and one innocent little punch to the man’s face they are not on good terms. Gon is fifteen now and he is practically a member of the family. He still visits often. He comes to the house and he goes to see Pika because the high school that he is a freshman at is down the street from the elementary school Pika works at.

Kurapika comes in followed by the bubbly teen. Leorio sees Gon’s eyes light up when he sees Killua. “You must be Killua! I’m Gon! My aunt Mito told me that Kurapika and Leorio took in a kid. That’s so cool!” Before Leorio could warn him, Gon rushes at Killua. Surprisingly Killua doesn’t jump or attack him. Leorio looks at Killua’s face and his eyes are wide looking at Gon like he is an alien. It’s like Gon’s personality short circuited the poor boy. “Where are you from? I like your hair! Did you dye it? Wanna go to the park with me?”

“Uh…… I uh…” Killua sputters.

Leorio steps in to help the poor boy. “Calm down Gon. This is Killua. His hair is naturally like that. Plus, Gon Killua can’t go to the park just yet. We have to talk to Melody okay. If you want though y’all can hang out upstairs.” Leorio looks at Killua.

He still looks railroaded. “I uh…. I guess”

Gon’s eyes light up again and he flashes that million-watt smile. “Okay cool! Let’s go Killua.” He grabs Killua’s hand, and the poor boys pale skin flushes a bright red and he sputters again. Gon pulls the red-faced boy up the stairs.

Leorio laughs and looks at his partner. Pika looks just as amused. “Poor Killua.” Leorio laughs more.

“Yes. Let’s hope Gon doesn’t overwhelm Killua.” Pika laughs again. “Did you see his face.”

“Yeah. I’m surprised that Killua reacted like that. Maybe Gon will be good for him.”

Leorio didn’t even notice that an hour had passed. He was just cuddled up on the couch watching a movie with Kurapika. After he dozes off for the fifth time Kurapika laughs and leans up to kiss his forehead. “Get some sleep.” He whispers amused.

“M’ Not tired.” He mumbles. He really wants to spend this time with his fiancé.

Kurapika just laughs as he checks his phone. “It’s okay babe. Mito just pulled up to get Gon. So how about you save that energy so we can….” Kurapika ends his sentence by kissing Leorio’s neck softly. The man has never gotten up from the couch faster.

“Sounds great to me. You stop the movie, and I will check on the kids and tell Gon to come down.” He exclaims already heading upstairs with newfound energy.

He hears Kurapika’s melodic laugh as he heads upstairs. He hopes Killua survived Gon’s personality. He knocks softly then heads into the room. Killua is sitting in his desk chair with a red face and Gon is leaning over him trapping him in. Gon’s hand is on Killua’s forehead under his bangs as if he is checking his temperature.

Killua’s eyes flash to him and he pushes Gon a little roughly away from him still blushing like crazy.

“What are you guys doing?” Leorio asks slightly amused by Killua’s embarrassment.

Killua’s embarrassment it quickly replaced by fear. He grabs Gon’s arm and pulls him closer to his side as he eyes Leorio fearfully. “Nothing! It was nothing!” Killua steps slightly in front of Gon and then he leans his head down getting ready for a hit that isn’t going to come. Killua’s whole body is rigid, and he looks a little like a kicked puppy. Leorio’s stomach turns at seeing Killua look like that. Especially because of him. He doesn’t know what he did to upset the kid. Leorio is beyond confused but before he can comment on it Gon grabs Killua’s arm and Killua looks up his eyes lightening a little.

“Killua was acting silly. His face kept getting red and he said he wasn’t feeling well.” Gon giggles as Killua turns red again. “So, I was just checking him for a fever.”

Killua looks at Leorio warily. Leorio feels his heart twinge at the fear and guilt in Killua’s eyes. There is so much they don’t understand about the kid yet. He wants to show he isn’t mad though, so he laughs softly, and he sees Killua untense more. “Well thanks for checking his temperature Gon.” Leorio smiles and keeps his tone light and teasing. “Killua does blush a lot but it seems like he is doing it more now. Especially with you around.”

Killua sputters and flushes scarlet up to his ears. The kid is totally calm now, but he also now looks embarrassed and annoyed. He huffs and puts his hands in his pockets. “Whatever old man. Did you need something?”

“Hey, I’m not that old. Anyways Gon, Mito is outside.”

“Okay. Bye Killua!” Gon hugs Killua then runs outside.

“You Okay kid?” Leorio asks.

Killua searches his face for something. Then he smiles softly and nods. “Yeah, I am okay.”

Leorio nods and shuts the door again as he leaves. Then he heads to him and Kurapika’s room. His sexy fiancé is laying on the bed in his boxers. The strange incident with Killua files itself for a later date as lust rushes to his mind. He locks the door then climbs in bed hovering over Kurapika.

“Is everything okay with Killua?” Kurapika asks softly.

Leorio nods and then leans down to kiss him. He thinks he could never get tired of kissing Kurapika. Their lips meet lazily and unrushed. As much as they both want each other they savor the moment. The kiss is soft and sweet and full of passion. It’s the best way to end the day.

--

It took two weeks for the first incident to happen. Kurapika has been at home. He took two weeks off from work to get Killua situated. Killua had been slowly but surely relaxing. Nothing too noticeable but he would sit on the side of them at the table instead of across from them or he might sit by Kurapika on the couch. He has even told Kurapika a couple of jokes. He is happy to see Killua’s personality start to come out. It seems that underneath that panicky, quiet kid Killua is actually lively, funny, and playful. Kurapika especially notices these things when it is just them two. Killua is still a little wary of Leorio. Kurapika thinks it is because of Leorio’s height. He towers over Killua and Kurapika. Plus, he has seen pictures of Silva and Leorio is the same size, but Silva is much broader. As far as Kurapika can tell Leorio hasn’t taken it personally. He has just been leaving an opening for Killua to fit into once he was comfortable.

Kurapika is looking over his lesson plans as the tv plays in the background. He likes having very detailed plans for his kindergarteners. Lot of people, mostly Leorio, joke about it because the kids are so young but Kurapika like to know that kids leave his class with the social, emotional, and academic skills to get them through first grade and so on. He really loves his job. He is excited to go back on Monday.

“Hey can I uh…. sit right here?” Killua’s voice suddenly asks from next to him. Kurapika almost jumped out of his skin but Killua is such an unnaturally quietly moving kid so he is used to him just ‘appearing’. He looks up at Killua. He has slightly red rimmed eyes like he has been crying. He was taking a nap a minute ago so Kurapika wonders if he had a nightmare. Killua has them sometimes and he never wants to be comforted after. If anything, he seems more scared by Leorio and Kurapika’s presence after them. He also doesn’t like when people mention his tears so Kurapika just give him a nice smile.

“Of course.”

Killua sits down by him. Kurapika goes back to his lesson plans trying to not seem too thrilled Killua chose to sit by him again. He wants the boy to feel natural and not pressured into getting close to them. He sits back for a split second because staring at the papers is making him go cross eyed. He peeks over at Killua and the boy looks sad but also deep in thought like he is deciding something. Kurapika waits patiently because sometimes Killua needs a moment to gather his thoughts before he speaks. Then he does something Kurapika doesn’t expect. He slowly leans his head on Kurapika’s shoulder. Kurapika smiles and slowly lifts his arm to put it around him. Killua tenses as if he is preparing for a blow but Kurapika just keeps his slow pace so he doesn’t get startled. Then he puts his arm around Killua’s shoulders. Killua is stiff as a board under his arm but he hasn’t moved away. Kurapika keeps his touch light so Killua could easily pull away if he wanted to. Killua slowly relaxes so Kurapika lets his hold be a little firmer and comforting. On the outside Kurapika smiles calmly like this isn’t a big deal because he doesn’t want Killua to get embarrassed. But on the inside, he is bouncing around and three seconds away from calling Leorio to tell him about the progress.

“Are you okay Killua?” Kurapika asked. He wished they had a nickname for him. He accidentally called him Kil once and that didn’t go over well. Turns out that was his family’s nickname for him.

“Yeah, I just….” His voice cracks a little and Kurapika rubs his shoulder. He peeks down and sees tears running down Killua’s face. Killua acts so mature sometimes it was hard to remember he was a fourteen-year-old kid. And this is the first time Kurapika has seen him cry because Killua is very private. Kurapika pulls him closer and rubs his back. That seems to open the floodgates because he cries in earnest now into Kurapika’s chest.

“Shh Shh it’s okay Killua.” Kurapika whispers.

“It’s just… I had a d… dream that…”

Killua’s sentence is cut short by the front door opening. Leorio walks in and in two seconds Killua bounds away from Kurapika which ends up making him fall across the arm of the couch onto the floor. Leorio comes closer to try to help him up. “Hey, Killua, are you….” As Leorio extends his hand out to help him up Killua grabs his arm and with a surprising amount of strength flips him over him onto the ground. Kurapika jumps up out of instinct when he heard Leorio’s back hit the ground and a pained groan leave him. Killua noticed him jump up and Kurapika watches as Killua back into the wall. His face still has the streaks of tears and his ocean eyes look caged and panicky.

“Killua it’s okay.” Kurapika says calmly trying to walk towards the poor panicked boy. Killua flinches which makes Kurapika’s chest ache. He throws his hands in front of his face to protect himself.

“Don’t! Don’t touch me!” Killua screeches as he tries to back up farther. Kurapika stops instantly and as soon as he does Killua darts upstairs. Fast and silent as ever.

Leorio sits up slowly rubbing his head. “Ouch.”

“Are you okay?” Kurapika asks rubbing his shoulder.

“Yeah, I am fine. I didn’t mean to freak him out like that. He is never going to get used to me.”

Kurapika looks at Leorio. His face looks dejected and like he is already blaming it all on himself.

“Look at me.” He turns Leorio’s face towards him. “It’s not your fault okay. It isn’t yours or mines or Killua’s. It is his evil family’s fault. They hurt Killua. They made him scared. Okay?”

Leorio nods and then gets up. “Geez he is kind of strong.” He rubs his back. “I’m gonna go check on him.”

--

Leorio scratches the back of his head and knocks on the door. Killua doesn’t answer but he hears the boy come closer to the door. “Hey Killua, can we talk? Look I don’t want you to feel obligated to open the door, but at least hear me out.” He hears Killua stop approaching the door, but he doesn’t protest against it so Leorio continues. “I’m not mad Killua. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have come towards you when you were panicked like that. I am sorry. I hope you can forgive me because I really would like to have a better relationship with you.”

Leorio sees the door crack open. Killua comes into view. He still has red, puffy eyes from crying. “You’re not mad? But I hurt you. Aren’t you going to punish me?”

Leorio feels a twinge at his heart from how sad and small Killua looks. He gives a small smile. “It’s okay Killua. I told you it was my fault for startling you. You haven’t tried to hurt us at all. I am not upset.” At least not with you, he wants to add but he stays quiet.

Seemingly deciding that Leorio isn’t going to hit him he opens the door a little more. “I don’t understand. You aren’t going to punish me?” He seems in total disbelief like he is expecting Leorio to snap at any moment.

“I promise I am not. Not over this. And if I was going to punish you, I wouldn’t hit you. I mean maybe like ground you or something. Not that it would make much of a difference because you never leave the house and….” Leorio realizes he is rambling and catches himself. “It was a misunderstanding. We are all learning to get used to each other.”

Killua looks up at Leorio his eyes seemingly watering again but he blinks his them away before they can fall. “I am really sorry Leorio. I didn’t mean…… I’m sorry. I don’t get why…… sometimes I…. It’s like I know I am okay…… but even then, when something happens, I panic and it’s like…… I’m back there and…… It’s stupid.” Killua ends looking down frustrated with himself.

Leorio doesn’t want him to think he can’t work through these issues around him. “Hey it’s not stupid. Can I tell you something?” Killua looks up and him and nods. “When I was younger our family was really poor. There were days, sometimes up to two weeks where our food would be gone. It’s not like my parents starved me or anything, we just didn’t always have enough to feed everybody. When I grew up, I was so scared to be hungry. Even when I got my job, I would hide food places. Kurapika would get so annoyed until I explained it. Then we got through it together. As for Pika when he was younger his family was in a car crash. His parents and his brother were killed. Pika didn’t ride in another car until he was twenty-one and he met me. Trauma shows itself in weird ways. They don’t always make sense but that’s okay. I still find myself hiding small meals so I know that I will have something to eat, and Pika still sometimes grips the door when people drive past us. We know you have a lot to work through. We all had to, and we want you to know that it’s okay to go through these things with us. We won’t get mad or punish you. For you to feel better you have to feel these things okay kid?”

Killua is looking up at Leorio with wide eyes. He looks so young right now. Killua nods slowly. “Th..Thanks Leorio.”

Leorio smiles. “It’s okay kid. Even if it didn’t feel like it yet when you moved in, we became family. And you don’t have to thank family for showing you kindness and understanding. That’s what we are supposed to do.” Leorio gently pats his shoulder then clears his throat. “Okay kid. It’s about lunch time so when you are ready you can come down to get some food okay.”

Killua smiles softly. “Okay”

--

It has been another week. After the whole incident with Leorio Killua’s stupid therapist thought that he should put off school for a little longer. Killua really doesn’t like his therapist Ms. Story. She is nice enough or whatever, but she is always asking questions and trying to pry into his business. He knows he shouldn’t hold it against her because she’s getting paid to do that, but it is so annoying. Anyways he should be starting school in two days on Monday. To say that Killua is nervous is an understatement. He has never been to school before. At home he had a private tutor and for the past month he has been holed up in Kurapika and Leorio’s house. It was like a little safe haven from the rest of the world. Plus, if all the other kids are like Gon, Killua might actually spontaneously combust. Gon has been at his house every day after school for the past month. He comes and busts into Killua’s room all smiles and laughs. The first few days were awkward, but it got better. Now Killua sort of looks forward to the happy boy coming over. The thing is Gon is a busy kid. Just this week alone on the first few days they played Super Smash Bros or Mario Cart (Killua isn’t allowed to play overly violent games because he is considered “high risk”) Then on Thursday Killua finally got clearance to go to the park so Gon dragged him to city park to feed the ducks. It sucked the ducks started chasing him and Gon just giggled and pulled him along. Then Friday Gon convinced him to play truth or dare and it was a lot of fun until Gon asked him if he ever dated anybody. God he is so embarrassing…… that why Killua got upset not because he never has before. That’s not it at all. And today Gon is sitting across from him on Killua’s bed weaving some flowers into a headband. He is making it for Mito apparently.

Killua watches intently as Gon kicks his feet, hums a stupid song, and weaves the flowers. Killua finds himself studying Gon a lot when they hang out. Just because the black-haired boy is weird. That’s all. And if his chest feels a little weird when he does then so be it. It doesn’t mean anything. He just likes watching people. Gon is no different. And every time he finds himself asking the same questions. What is this boy? Why is he like this? Why does he keep making Killua blush? All of a sudden, he looks up at Killua and smiles. Killua feels his heart speed up as Gon comes over. Gon lifts his hand and Killua flinches a little out of habit. Gon seems to pick up on this and he smiles and slowly opens his hand to reveal a blue flower. Gon keeps moving slow as he lifts his hand to slide the flower into Killua’s hair. Killua can feel the flush come as he feels Gon’s soft breathing on his cheek. Gon rocks back on his knees so he can see Killua’s face.

“It matches your eyes Killua. You look so cute!” Gon gushes.

“Wh…. What?” Killua sputters. He feels his face heating up again.

Gon smiles brightly. “I said your cute Killua. You have fluffy white hair and these pretty blue eyes. They are kind of like the sky and dkhfifjskh….” Gon’s words come out mumbled as Killua presses his hand against his mouth.

“O…. Okay stop you i……idiot. That’s embarrassing.” Killua mumbles as he feels even more of his blood rush to his face. He removes his hand from Gon’s mouth and gently hits him over the head.

“Owwww Killuaaaa” Gon pouts. He pushes Killua which starts a wrestling match between the two. Killua finds himself laughing. He hasn’t had this much fun in a while. Plus, things are just so natural with Gon. Like they were supposed to be friends. Gon eventually ends up hovering over Killua. He has his hands on either side of his head and his legs are straddling him. Killua is still laughing from the fight before he realizes the position that they are in. Killua sputters and flushes deeply. He feels his heartbeat so hard it might actually pop out of his chest this time. Gon leans closer sliding his hand in Killua’s hair and the poor boy thinks he might pass out.

“Killua. We messed up your flower.” Gon says softly still not removing his hand from Killua’s hair.

Killua hears the door open and his gaze snaps over to the entryway. Kurapika comes in holding a plate of food for their lunch. Killua watches his expression turn amused as he takes in the scene before him.

“What’s going on in here?” Kurapika asks suggestively just to tease Killua.

“Nothing!” Killua shrieks as he pushes Gon off, albeit a little roughly, and jumps up. Killua glares as Kurapika as the blonde man laughs.

Every time him or Leorio catch them in a stupid situation they tease him. And unfortunately, that has happened a few times this month because Gon is dense and Killua doesn’t think he knows what personal space is. Killua panicked the first time Leorio had seen them because he expected a different response. A response like…… {You wanna like boys so bad you little brat?!} Killua shakes off the memory. Now isn’t the time.

“I came to bring Killua lunch and tell Gon that Mito is outside.”

Gon gets up rubbing his side a little and groans. “Okay.” He grabs the headband and his backpack. Then he smiles at Killua as he runs out the room. “See you at school Killua!”

Killua sighs. “Thanks.” He takes the food from Kurapika. It is five hot pockets (still in the packaging) and an unopened bottle of soda.

“No problem…. So Killua…… Do you like Gon?”

Killua schools his expression to be neutral and sits on the bed as he opens a hot pocket. “I guess so. He is pretty cool.” As if he doesn’t think about the idiot all the time.

“I meant well… do you like, like him.”

Killua panics a little but he doesn’t show it. He scoffs. “Of course not. I am a boy, and he is a boy.”

“There is nothing wrong with that. Is there? Do you have a problem with me and Leorio?” Kurapika asks. Killua panics. Not because he thinks Kurapika is mad because he doesn’t sound mad or even agitated. He just sounds curious which is probably is. But Killua panics because even though he hasn’t said it out loud he really likes it here with Leorio and Kurapika and he doesn’t want them to think he is uncomfortable here.

“No. Of course not. You and Leorio are cute.” Killua replies honestly. He really likes their relationship. They are sickeningly sweet which was very annoying at first but Killua grew used to it. As he grew used to it, he realized that they have the kind of love he has only seen in movies. They hold and comfort each other and they talk. Leorio brings Kurapika home caramel hard candies every Monday because he knows they are hard for Kurapika because of the rowdy kids and that candy is his favorite. Kurapika somehow knows, right when Leorio comes in, that he has had a rough day at the hospital, and he runs him a bath and brings dinner up to him. Killua admires their love with a sense of admiration and confusion every day.

Kurapika smiles a sad smile. “Okay so it is just you?” He looks at Killua like he wishes he could fix all of his problems and he would do anything to do so. Killua doesn’t know what to do with Kurapika caring for him like that. His parents cared for him, but it was different. Kurapika’s care doesn’t hurt like his parent's does. It feels warm, soft, and utterly confusing. He looks away from those caring eyes.

Killua plays with his fingers. “I just…. I don’t mind two guys being together…. I don’t think. When it’s you guys. Or if Gon came and told me he liked boys I wouldn’t think he was wrong or gross. I… I just can’t…… I am not allowed…… I mean I don’t….” Killua sputters over his feelings. He closes his eyes remembering the pain. {This will ah…. Teach you to like boys Kil…} He squeezes his eyes tighter trying to force out the memory.

“Hey Killua.” He hears Kurapika’s soft voice say. “It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it right now.”

Killua opens his eyes to meet Kurapika’s understanding brown orbs. He nods softly in gratitude.

Kurapika smiles. “Okay eat up.”

Killua smiles softly back and starts to eat because Kurapika and Leorio panic when he doesn’t. Kurapika smiles and comes closer. Killua notices his movements are slow as he ruffles his hair. Killua smiles hoping Kurapika didn’t notice him tense much. He will try his hardest for Kurapika and Leorio. He won’t mess this up.

Chapter Text

How did it come to this? Killua is sitting in front of Kurapika as he brushes his hair softly. Kurapika’s soft strokes are perfect. Killua hasn’t felt this at peace in a while. Killua finds himself leaning back into the relaxing touches until he is practically melting against him. Once he realizes what he is doing he blushes and leans forward a little.

“Kurapika I think it looks fine.” He groans.

“I know. I know. I am just excited. It’s your first day.” Kurapika gushes looking at him through the mirror. Killua sighs and smiles back.

“Yeah. Yeah. Let’s just go. I think Mito is here.”

Kurapika smiles and heads out of Killua’s room. Killua smiles and grabs his backpack. His stomach is tied in all kinds of knots, but Killua has survived much worse things than school. It will be fine. He shoves his hands in his pockets as he heads downstairs. Killua is riding with Mito and Gon to school and Kurapika is riding with Leorio to work. Kurapika has a car but it mostly sits in the garage. Killua heads downstairs then reluctantly follows Kurapika outside. Killua smiles and takes a small moment to feel the warmth of the sun on his skin. It grounds him. Gon is hanging out of the passenger window of a small red car. Killua has never met his Aunt but Gon talks about her a lot and he can see her red hair through the window.

“Killuaaaa!” Gon exclaims for all the neighbors to hear.

Killua flushes then comes over and hits Gon gently over the head. “Shut up Idiot.”

“Owwww”

“Have a good day Killua! Good luck! It will be fine! Meet friends and call if you need anything! You have Leorio and my numbers…... just have fun!” Kurapika yells embarrassingly loud. Kurapika’s eyes water slightly and Killua mutters out a goodbye and jumps in the car before the man can do something really embarrassing like cry.

“It’s good to finally meet you Killua. Gon here talks about you all the time.” Mito smiles and looks back at him. Her smile is like Kurapika’s, soft and calming. Killua is probably biased but he likes Kurapika’s more.

Killua smiles softly. “Thank you.”

Gon looks back at him from the front seat. “This is going to be so fun Killua. Your gonna love it. The teachers are super cool and….” Killua looks out the window as Gon tells him everything about the school. It blends into the background as he watches the outside world pass by. It is really the first time Killua has seen his new neighborhood because the park Gon took him to was close. The only other time he has been out this month is to go to the mall with Kurapika. He tries to shove his nervousness down, so he focuses on the neighborhood. It seems nice. All of the houses are a good size like Leorio and Kurapika’s and they have nice yards. He watches a few kids walking with their backpacks on. Maybe they are closer to the school than he thinks. They finally pull up to this huge building. Killua doesn’t know what he was expecting but this place is gigantic.

“We are here Killua!” Gon says excitedly. He gets out then practically drags Killua out of the car. He has Killua’s hand in one hand and he is waving to Mito with the other. Killua feels his face heating up. God, Gon is so embarrassing. Gon intertwines their fingers as he pulls Killua inside the building. Everything is going by as a blur. Killua can barley register all of the kids hanging around outside of the school and all the sights and smells as Gon pulls him inside. Killua feels his cheeks heat up when he realizes the way Gon is holding his hand.

Gon pulls him into the doors and Killua looks around to take everything in. There are brick walls with lots of display cases on them. The appear to be in a huge hallway that faces the lunchroom maybe. Plus, there is a door that looks like it leads to the office on the side of them. Gon stops and grabs Killua’s schedule from his hands.

“Well, it looks like you are in my homeroom Killua.” Gon smiles at him and Killua’s heart does this stupid thing that he chooses to ignore. “I’ll show you it okay. We are early so you can meet Zushi. Your gonna love him. He is really nice.” Gon leads Killua through the hallways. It was embarrassing at first but now he is grateful for Gon holding his hand. There are too many people, and they keep bumping into him. His body keeps trying to panic but Gon’s presence is keeping him grounded. Another person bumps into him and Killua jumps again. Gon must have noticed because he squeezes his hand to bring him back and Killua’s stupid heart does another one of those things. Finally, Gon pulls him into a classroom. The walls are drywall instead of brick now. There are math posters hanging everywhere and there are at least thirty desks. In the corner there is a longer desk with a computer on it. The desk is littered with family pictures. Killua assumes that must be the teacher desk.

Gon’s voice draws Killua’s attention. “Killua this is my friend Zushi.”

Killua looks and is shocked to see that Zushi is the boy he seen at the mall. He smiles at Killua and he takes a step back needing some space. He looks just like Ikalgo.

{Killua was going to run away. He limped out of the mansion and was heading to the gate. Somewhere in the back of Killua’s mind he knew that this was a horrible idea. It was ten in the morning and Illumi was still home. Still though he had just been let up from the basement and he had been beaten for the last few days…… or maybe longer. Killua wasn’t sure. Time passes slow down there. Or maybe it goes fast. Killua limped across the grounds. He was almost past the butlers’ quarters when Ikalgo came out. He smiled at him.

“Master Killua. Where are you going?”

“I’m running away Ikalgo and don’t you try to stop me.”

Ikalgo laughed softly. He was Killua’s first friend. The only one Killua could really talk to in the mansion. “Master Killua you can’t leave. I don’t want to see you hurt. Let’s do something to cheer you up.”

Killua grumbled but agreed. Ikalgo smiled and started walking. He looked back and noticed how Killua was slightly limping. Ikalgo smiled and picked him up cradling him to his chest. Nobody would ever carry Killua. Not even his parents. Killua usually wouldn’t allow it but…… he really liked the way it made him feel when Ikalgo did it. Killua blushed feeling his chest tighten. Ikalgo was two years older than him, and he was always doing things like this. Killua wasn’t sure what it meant or why it made him feel weird, but the weird feelings are really nice. They make him warm. Ikalgo carried Killua to the gazebo in the garden. The garden was really pretty. It was secretly one of Killua’s favorite places on the grounds. The flowers were nice, and they were all bright colors. Plus, he loved the smell of them. Killua smelled the flowers and found the sent calming as Ikalgo carried him to the gazebo and set him down.

Ikalgo sat by Killua and then pulled the backpack he was carrying on his back. He pulled out a first aid kit and helped Killua treat his visible wounds. He then leaned closer and brushed Killua’s hair back. He leaned closer looking into Killua’s eyes. He was so close that Killua could smell him. He smelled like dove body soap and candy. Killua feels his heart speed up dramatically.

“Hello Ikalgo. Master Killua.” Killua heard Canary’s voice. “Master Silva is looking for you Master Killua. You better get back inside.”

Killua nodded and got up. “Thanks Canary”

“And do be careful Master Killua.” Canary said. Her and Ikalgo left. Killua was lost in thought on the way back to the mansion. Canary only said that when she caught him doing something bad because she didn’t want him to get in trouble. He was just talking to Ikalgo. Ikalgo was really close to him and he had his hand in Killua’s hair. Was that wrong? Why was being like that with him wrong? Especially if it made his chest feel so warm?}

“Killua?” Gon asks. Killua snaps out of his thoughts and looks at Gon. This obviously isn’t the first time he called his name. Gon smiles.

“S… Sorry. It is nice to meet you Z… Zushi.” Killua stumbles out.

Zushi smiles and Killua has to look away again. “Nice to meet you too Killua.” At least he doesn’t sound like Ikalgo. Just thinking his name makes Killua feel nauseous. This is going to be a long day.

--

Killua walks down to the office. He knows he has to meet his mentor. Honestly Killua is glad because he gets to get out of class early and he likes the hallways much better when the rest of kids are in class. He doesn’t understand why Kurapika and Leorio signed him up for a mentor. He already has a social worker and a therapist. While Killua is busy brooding he sees a flash of long black hair out of the corner of his eye. Killua snaps his eyes in that direction but there is nothing there. It’s just an empty hallway. He picks his pace up practically running to the main office. When he walks in there is a lady sitting at the front desk. She looks up at him.

“Hey Killua. Just wait he will be out in a second.” She says.

Killua nods. He only has to wait a few minutes before he comes out. He is tall. Like taller than Illumi. He is like Leorio’s height. He is wearing heels, a bright white outfit, and has blood red hair. He might be Illumi’s height without the heels. He has such a demanding presence that Killua takes a small step back. He smiles at him and somehow it feels obscene.

“Hi Killua. I am Hisoka.”

Killua nods softly unable to form words yet. He is like a poison dart frog. He looks cool and intoxicating. It makes you want to get closer but also gives you the idea that he is deadly. Killua knows it is ridiculous. Obviously, the man isn’t deadly. He is a mentor for ‘troubled youths’

“Okay follow me.” Hisoka says pointing at Killua and motioning for him to follow with his finger. Killua looks at the office staff trying to get them to remember his face so if he shows up missing on the news later, they can know it was him. Then he reluctantly follows Hisoka out. Hisoka leads him outside. He sits on a bench outside the school and Killua sits by him. Hisoka puts his arm around the back of the chair and Killua has to try not to cringe.

“It’s nice to meet you Killua. I’ll be your mentor so you can talk to me about anything.” He gently rubs circles on Killua’s shoulder and Killua pulls away slightly. “I’ll basically be around to listen to you, help with some problems you may have, and take you places.”

“Um. Okay.” Killua says slowly trying to not show how much of a creep Killua thinks he is.

They talk for a while and Hisoka seems like a pretty cool mentor (outside of him stroking Killua in random places and his slightly weird personality).

“I’m glad your adjusting. Your such a good boy.” Hisoka purrs. Killua shudders slightly.

“Aren’t you supposed to take me to therapy today?” Killua asks trying to end that line of conversation. Hisoka nods and gets up.

“Yes, and it is about that time. Follow me.”

Killua gets up and he looks back at the school. His heart almost stops because he sees Illumi standing by the school’s door. Killua jumps and blinks. When he opens his eyes, he is gone. It was just his imagination. Maybe Killua does need to talk to this stupid therapist.

The ride is uneventful outside of Hisoka putting his hand on Killua’s thigh. Right after he did his phone dinged and he read the message. Hisoka seemed amused yet slightly disappointed by the message but he didn’t touch him again. He honestly doesn’t remember much of the ride because he froze right after Hisoka put his hand on his thigh.

For once Killua is glad to find himself sitting across from his therapist. The happiness however is short lived when she starts asking him things.

“So Killua. How was your first day of school?” She asks.

He groans. Why is she asking this? “I’m not sure. Okay, I guess. Kind of crazy.” Killua answers sort of honestly. Sort of.

She writes something down. “How are your teachers?”

Killua rolls his eyes. “Aren’t we supposed to like talk about my family or something?”

She writes something then looks up and gives him a gentle smile. “Do you want to talk about them Killua?”

He groans again. Why can’t she ever just give a straight answer. “No.”

“Then what do you want to talk about?”

He talks about some nonsensical things to placate her. Then he finds himself mentioning Zushi. “There is this boy at my school names Zushi. I don’t like him.”

“Why not?”

Killua shrugs feeling nauseous as Ikalgo pops into his mind again. “I don’t know. He reminds me of a butler that worked for us. His name was Ikalgo.”

She nods. “Were you to close?”

Panic rises in Killua, but he swallows it down. “I guess. He isn’t in my life anymore. Why are we talking about Ikalgo anyways? It’s Zushi I don’t like.” He grumbles.

She nods like it all makes sense and writes something down. Killua is tempted to snatch the pad and tear it up but he is sure that would just land him with more sessions. “I think you might miss Ikalgo. So, you don’t like Zushi because he reminds you of him and it hurts. I think your anger and dislike is displaced.”

Killua feels his cheeks get hot but in anger not embarrassment. Who the hell is this lady anyways? She can’t just ask like she knows how Killua feels. “That’s not it at all. I just don’t like him. He is annoying. You don’t know shit you old hag.” Killua hopes this will push her away or even anger her.

He only gets more annoyed when Ms. Story is utterly unbothered. If anything, her eyes hold pity instead of anger. “I also think that you are lashing out at me because you scared and upset that I got that right, so you want me to be quiet.”

Killua gets up throwing his backpack on. “Whatever. Keep thinking that but you don’t know shit.” He storms to the door preparing to leave. He snatches the door open.

“Killua, I get that your angry, but I think this is a breakthrough. I’ll see you next week even if it a silent session. I’ll be waiting for you. Whenever you are ready to talk.”

Killua turns toward her and gives her his coldest look. “Don’t hold your breath.”

--

It has been a week since the first day of school. Everyday is just as overwhelming as the first day. Killua just hopes that it gets better. His body has honestly just been in panic mode every time he leaves the house. He keeps seeing Illumi in the corners of his vision and the kids at the school are crazy. They keep bumping into him or yelling really loud in the class or cafeteria for no reason. Plus, people have started making noises near him because they noticed he jumps a lot. Killua has never been one to tolerate bullying from anyone except his family but he is always to panicked to retaliate. Then after he jumps everybody around him is laughing so Killua can’t figure out who did it. Then there is Zushi. He is so annoying. He keeps hanging around him and Gon and Killua keeps getting reminded of Ikalgo. It’s shitty. Honestly, he hates the school. The only good thing about it is Gon. Killua has considered just not going but he doesn’t want to get Kurapika and Leorio in trouble.

Killua shoves his hands in his pockets as he walks. Today he has to walk home from school. He usually has a ride but Gon left early today. Killua tries to hurry home because he keeps seeing Illumi. Even if it is all in his imagination he wants to be at home. He feels safe there. Plus, Kurapika is there. Killua walks up to the house and he sees Leorio’s convertible sitting outside. Killua bites the inside of his cheek. Leorio usually isn’t off this early. He hopes everything is okay, so he rushes inside. Kurapika and Leorio are seated on the couch. They are huddled together talking softly. Leorio is looking at Kurapika softly and Kurapika’s brows are furrowed in concern. Killua feels his gut tighten, especially when they see him walk in and they stop talking. He shuts the door.

“Is… Is everything alright?” He mumbles.

Kurapika gives him a soft smile putting him to ease more. “Your school called. They are concerned.”

“About what?” Killua asks already a little defensive.

Leorio puts his hands up in a placating manner. “Nothing bad kid. They said they are worried because you never eat the school lunch. They say you get it then throw the whole meal away before going to your table.”

Oh shit. They found out. Killua doesn’t trust the school to not mess with his food. He was getting the food because he didn’t want Kurapika and Leorio to worry because they were putting money in his account so that he could eat. He bites the inside of his cheek more.

“I’m so sorry for wasting your money. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.” Killua starts softly.

“Hey Killua, it’s okay. We are not worried about that. We are worried about you.” Kurapika says softly.

Killua looks at his shoes. He knows why they are worried. He actually ate the food that Kurapika made for dinner last night. He wanted to show that he trusted them. They probably thought it was such big progress then Killua has to go and mess this up. He feels like such a damn burden. Then again, he is. Kurapika and Leorio wanted a normal kid to foster. A happy kid like Gon. Killua is such a disappointment.

“Nothing is wrong. I just was not hungry.”

“Come on kid. We know that’s not true.” Leorio says softly.

“It is. I was not hungry.” Killua mutters stubbornly still looking at his shoes.

“Killua.” Kurapika coaxes. “Can you look at us.”

Killua looks up. He feels his chest tighten. He doesn’t know what expression he was expecting but he wasn’t expecting the soft, fond, and utterly worried looks in their eyes. He feels his eyes watering again. This is bullshit. He won’t cry. Killua can count on his fingers the amount of times he cried in front of people before they moved him here. Now it’s like he can’t seem to stop.

“We just want to be here for you Killua.”

“Yeah kid. We can’t help unless you tell us.”

Killua doesn’t know why or how. He was planning on lying. Maybe it was the look in their eyes or the soft way they were talking to him but when he opens his mouth the truth comes pouring out.

“I’m sorry. I just was scared. The school is huge, and the kids are crazy. They keep scaring me and it’s just stressing me out. I can’t handle all of it and when I’m stressed it all comes back.” Killua swallows desperately trying to stop the words but soon they keep flowing. “I don’t like people I don’t trust making food for me because of my family. They were raising us to be part of the family business. Nothing cr…crazy just…. getting us physically ready. They used to f…. feed me things to make me sick. ‘Just in case’ they said. They food would have something bad in it. And after eating it I would feel so bad. I couldn’t stop throwing up and sometimes it made me dizzy or feverish. Sometimes it even made me see things. It was awful. I started being able to tell that the food tasted weird so I wouldn’t eat it but then they would stop letting me eat. For weeks. And I would be so hungry that by… by the time they let me have food again I didn’t care what was in it. I would eat it quickly and then I would get sick by what they put in it. It was horrible. A…. and I know that my family loves me, and they did it for my best interest but I just…. I just never wanna feel that way again.”

Killua still hasn’t looked up their faces. He is scared of what he will find. There is a loud sob. Killua hopes he didn’t make them too upset but then he realizes it came from him. He cries in earnest now. He tenses slightly when he feels arms around him. Then he smells Kurapika’s cologne. It’s nice. He feels himself relaxing. Kurapika strokes his hair.

“It’s okay baby. It’s okay” He whispers as he holds him close. His voice is soft and Killua can tell he is crying too. Killua almost wants to be embarrassed but he can’t bring himself to care. He is so comfortable in Kurapika’s arms. He hasn’t been held while crying since he was four. He turns his face to hide it in Kurapika’s chest.

“I’m s... sorry.” He chokes out between the tears.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. I’ll make all your lunches from now on okay. You don’t have to worry about it.” Kurapika says softly.

He feels Leorio wrap his arms around both of them. It is strangely comforting. Leorio is so tall. He envelopes Kurapika and Killua fully. It is like Leorio casted a small, perfect bubble around the three of them that the outside world isn’t privy to. Killua grips Kurapika’s shirt tighter.

“Just let it out kid.”

After Leorio whispers that Killua relaxes completely. Kurapika and Leorio are practically holding him up. It is so scary to just be a kid and let them handle things. It is so scary.

Yet so freeing.

So Killua stays there, in Leorio and Kurapika’s sheltering arms and he let’s all of the tears go.

Chapter Text

Leorio sighs. Days like this at the ER are hard. He is a primary care physician. Due to the weird schedules at the hospitals in their small town he works Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at the children's hospital. Then he works Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays at the normal emergency room at the main hospital. Today is Saturday and he is here. It’s not that he doesn’t like helping the adults. It’s just that he enjoys the kids more. They are funny and sweet. He can give them suckers and stickers. His adult patients are a whole different story. They are loud, rude a lot of the time, and they all come in after reading Web MD. He has to spend thirty minutes explaining to a twenty-four-year-old that their migraines and dizziness are from only eating one meal a day not because of Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo. It’s a lot. Plus, it is Saturday which means drunks. Fun.

**
Leorio rubs his temples as he gets paged to a new room. He rushes to the room and looks at the file. Gittarackur Morrow. Twenty-Four. Stabbing. Fun. He walks in and for some reason the guy on the bed gives him the creeps. He is bleeding from his chest in three different places (thankfully nowhere near his heart) and doesn’t look at all bothered by it, even as the nurse applies pressure to the sight. He has silky black hair that reaches past his waist. When Leorio walked in the man’s gaze snapped towards him. He has emotionless black orbs for eyes. They are boring into Leorio so hard that he almost forgets about the man’s injuries.

“I’m Doctor Paladiknight. I will be your doctor tonight.” Leorio introduces as he helps him out of the shirt and jackets going slow so the nurse can keep pressure on the majority of the time.

“Thank you Dr. Paladiknight.” His patient's emotionless voice comes out. Even his voice sets Leorio on edge, but he shakes it off to focus on the task at hand. He rushes to grab some Celox Granules. He pours them into the cuts on the patient's chest. The bleeding stops almost immediately.
**

Relaxed that the bleeding has stopped Leorio moves to grab some disinfectants, a numbing shot, and stitches. He is sure the first one needs stitches, but he will have to look closer at wounds two and three before he will know if they do also. “So how did this happen?”

Gittarackur shrugs. “Just a home accident. I was using a knife in the kitchen and got bumped into. You know how kids are.”

Leorio nods sighing. He has a feeling that wasn’t the story He starts to disinfect the wounds so he can see them more clearly explaining what he is doing as he goes. The creepy man doesn’t seem to be listening. He is looking at Leorio with strange concentration. Leorio feels his stomach turn a little but he tries to stay professional. He finishes cleaning the wounds and goes to get a better look. He was right about the first one needing stitches. The other two on the other hand can just be bandaged and will heal. Leorio explains to Gittarackur before he injects the numbing solution. Then he starts to stitch him up.

“So, Dr. Paladiknight, do you have kids?” Gittarackur asks.

Leorio for some reason gets the urge to lie but he pushes it down. He is just being paranoid. “Yes, I do.” Leorio feels a smile coming to his face at the thought of Killua.

Gittarackur smiles this creepy smile. It takes up most of his face and shows all his teeth. Leorio feels a shiver down his spine. “That’s nice. Is it a boy or a girl?”

Leorio wants to ignore that gut feeling again but it is too strong. “I am uh done. I just need to apply the gauze.” Leorio hurries and applies the gauze. “Okay you are all done here. It will be a little tender, you can take over the counter ibuprofen for that. If the pain is overbearing or not normal come back. Avoid getting them wet for the first twenty-four hours. Then you can shower but avoid baths or getting them submerged in water. They will dissolve in three weeks.” Leorio starts to head out so that the nurse can check him out and bring him discharge papers.

“Oh, and Leorio?” Gittarackur says.

Leorio looks back.

“Be safe.”

Leorio gulps and tries to not make it obvious as he rushes out of the room. It is when he was back in his on-call room when Leorio realized that he never told the man his first name.

--

Leorio is still shaken up when he is retelling the story to Kurapika later that afternoon. Kurapika nods along looking slightly worried as he tells him. They are not sure what to do. They don’t know if this Gittarackur person has to do with Killua or not, and they don’t want to ask him for fear of another panic attack. They decided to ask Melody about it because she is calling soon about the case.

Leorio is holding Kurapika in his arms as they cuddle on the couch. He feels his most relaxed right here, with the weight of his love on him. He smiles then Kurapika’s phone rings. Kurapika sits up still straddling Leorio to grab his phone.

“Hi Melody.” Kurapika answers. “What? Yeah of course. What’s wrong...... Really? They can’t be serious, he can’t even…” Leorio feels his heart get heavy. That doesn’t sound like good news. “I understand. Okay. Thank you. Bye.” He hangs up looking angry.

Leorio touches his face gently. “What’s wrong Pika?”

Kurapika takes a worried glance towards the stairs then looks back at Leorio. “They are actually considering letting Silva and Kikyo go.”

“What?!” Leorio exclaims then tries to real himself back in remembering that Killua is upstairs with Gon. “Why? Those scumbags deserve to rot in jail.”

Kurapika sighs looking angry as ever. His usually soft brown eyes are hardened. “They have friends in high places. Basically, the only way that they will be able to keep them in there for good is if… Killua testifies in court against them.”

“That’s ridiculous. The kid can’t even think about his shitty parents without getting really freaked out and they want him to sit in front of them and tell a bunch of people what they did.” Leorio balls his fists tightly. He can’t help but to feel so helpless. He just wants the best for Killua. He feels Kurapika lean down and wrap his arms around Leorio’s neck to hold him in place. Leorio sighs taking a deep breath then he wraps his arms around his lover. Kurapika slides his hands into Leorio’s hair, and he calms down more.

“Um…. Leorio? Pika?” Killua’s soft voice interrupts. Leorio looks over and sees Killua looking at them a little nervously. At first Leorio is a little nervous that maybe Killua heard them but then he recognizes that Killua is going to ask them for something. That’s the only time he gets like this.

“What’s up kid.” Leorio sits up still holding Pika close. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Pika give Killua an encouraging smile as they wait for him to get the words together to ask.

“Could I uh…. It’s okay if I can't, I just…” He clears his throat rolling his eyes at his own nervousness. “Can I stay the night at Gon’s house tonight?”

Leorio smiles. “Is that all?”

Killua nods.

Leorio looked at Kurapika to make sure before he answered. His fiancé smiles at him softly confirming that he is okay with it. “Of course, you can. You have the phone we gave you so just call if you need anything okay. Let us know if you want to come back home okay. Doesn’t matter the time we will come get you.”

Killua smiles gratefully. “Thank you.”

“Killuaaaa!” Gon yells from the stairs as he comes running in the living room. He hugs Killua, getting the albino boy to flush. “I told you they would say yes.”

“Okay Okay Gon.” Killua says affectionately as he pushes the boy off gently.

“Did you ask Mito if he could?” Kurapika asks Gon.

“Well.” The raven-haired boy rubs the back of his head and sticks his tongue out. “Not exactly.”

Killua gently hits him over the head. “Idiot you didn’t even ask Aunt Mito.” Leorio smiles at them. When Killua calls Gon an idiot he somehow makes it sound like an affectionate nickname and not an insult.

Gon grabs his head. “Ow Killua. I just forgot. I’m sure she won’t mind.”

“Well, you should call her.” Killua says.

Gon pulls out his phone and dials the number. “Hello…. Yes, I am okay.... I’m sorry…. I forgot.” Gon laughs. “Hey, Aunt Mito, can Killua stay the night? Yes, I asked them…... What...... Aunt Mito!” Gon’s entire face blushes red and Leorio can’t help but wonder what she said. “It…. It’s not like that…… I know that…. Okay okay. I love you too.” Gon hangs up still looking flustered. “She said you can stay the night.”

“What did she say?” Killua asks, putting his hands behind his head.

“She said that there better not be any funny business.” Gon says laughing a little.

Killua flushes so hard that it spreads to the tips of his ears. “Of course, there won’t be.”

Gon’s smile falls just a little. “Does it sound that bad?”

Killua’s blue eyes dart to Leorio and Kurapika and Leorio struggles to keep his amusement off his face. Then Killua’s eyes dart back to Gon. “Idiot! You can’t just ask…. You can’t… Forget about it. I’m gonna go get some clothes ready.” Killua takes off up the stairs.

“Killua wait.” Gon laughs and follows after him.

Once they are fully upstairs Leorio hears Kurapika burst into laughter. “Our poor Killua. He was so red. Gon is going to be the death of him.”

Leorio laughs, also thinking about the poor boy's face. Then a thought hits him that dries off his laughter. Did Killua have the talk ever? How would you even bring it up to ask. Geez Leorio is definitely not qualified for this.

“Pika do you think we should give Killua the talk?” Leorio asks, a little bewildered.

The amusement still hasn’t left Pika’s face. “Isn’t that the dad’s job?”

“We are both the ‘dad’.” Leorio says pointedly.

“Remember that comment about the wedding dresses and me being more like a girl than Killua could imagine?” Pika asks mischievously. Dammit he knew this would come back on him. He was just trying to get Killua to laugh. Pika gets up and kisses Leorio’s head. “That means you’re the ‘man’ of the relationship. Better live up to it.”

As Pika leaves the room laughing all Leorio can think about is never making a joke to make Killua laugh again.

Leorio rubs the back of his head as he waves to Mito. Mito drives off with both boy in the car. Leorio shuts the door, and he can hear the water running upstairs. He heads upstairs and finds Kurapika running bath water. Kurapika looks back at him and smiles.

“I know you had a long day at work, so I was running you a bath.” He looks back at the water to stop it.

Leorio wraps his arms around his fiancé’s waist as he leans down so that he face is next to Kurapika’s ear. “You should take a bath with me.”

Kurapika shivers slightly. “I can’t. I have to work on my lesson plans.”

Leorio presses soft kisses on the side and back of his lover’s neck. “Come on Pika. Tomorrow is Sunday. You can do them tomorrow. I’ll even help you since I am off.” He whispers into his ear then nibbles his earlobe.

Kurapika whimpers. “Okay fine.” He turns around and starts helping Leorio out of his clothes.

After they are both undressed and a couple of admittedly distracting kisses later, they are both in the tub. Leorio hum contentedly as Kurapika leans back against him.

“We have to meet with the wedding planner next Friday.” Pika mentions offhandedly.

“Mm” Leorio hums. “I already took off.”

Leorio takes in Kurapika’s soft hair and smooth skin. He relishes in the comforting feeling of the man laying against his chest.

Leorio runs his fingers through Kurapika’s silky hair. “I can’t wait to be married to you Pika.”

Kurapika turns around in the small tub so that he is straddling Leorio’s legs. His eyes are full of love. Leorio feels Kurapika grip the hair at the base of his neck and pull him in for a kiss. Leorio sighs into the kiss and then returns the kiss with the same pressure. It is soft and lazy but full of emotion. Leorio knows he could spend the rest of his life with him.

The kiss picks up becoming desperate and sloppy. Leorio grabs Kurapika’s waist and grinds against him making his love whimper. Leorio grips the back of Kurapika’s hair to pull his head back and then he attacks his neck. Kurapika’s whimpers and squirming is threatening to send Leorio over the edge.

“Pl…Please Leorio.” Kurapika whimpers. “I need you please.”

The neediness in Kurapika’s voice shoves him over the edge. He needs to be one with him again. Needs it almost as bad as he needs air. Both of them, usually so strong, become needy and desperate. Eventually they move to their bed. The night is full of the sound of slapping skin and moans, but overall, it is full of love.

--

“Follow me Killua.” Gon smiles walking towards his house.

Killua looks up at Gon’s house. It is big and brown. It looks big and a little scary like his old house. Although his old house was way bigger. He follows closely behind Gon into his house and there is an immediate difference between here and his old house. Gon’s house was cozy and warm just like Leorio and Pika’s. There are pictures everywhere and a fireplace in the living room. There are shoes by the front door and cozy throw blankets draped over the side of the couch.

Killua looks at the wall with pictures. There are a couple pictures of a young Mito and this older guy that looks a lot like Gon. That must be his dad. Then there were pictures of Mito with a young Gon. He looks so cute. Killua looks at the picture to try to see if he could tell a difference. Gon looks just like the younger version of himself. The only difference is his hair is a little longer. That and Gon is much more muscular now. Killua feels his face heat up and he turns away from the picture to follow Gon. Gon grabs his hand and leads him throughout the house. That doesn’t help with Killua blush. Gon shows him the living room then the kitchen. Then he pulls Killua upstairs to his room. Gon’s room is a nice size. There are posters everywhere of boxers, soccer players, and bands. Gon is on the boxing and soccer teams at school so the posters make a lot of sense. Killua drops his bag.

“Let’s go do something outside Killua.” Gon says happily. Killua follows Gon outside to the backyard. His backyard isn’t fenced off and it drops off into a lake. The setting sun turns the water into a rainbow of red, orange, and yellow. It is so beautiful. Gon and Killua finally decide to play a little soccer. Killua has never played but he picks up on stuff fast. It is actually a lot of fun. Gon passes up Killua for a goal.

“Looks like you're just too slow for me Killua.” Gon teases.

“No, I just never played soccer before. In a race I would leave you in the dust.” Killua replies cocksure.

“I bet you won't,” Gon replies seriously.

“I bet I will.” Killua says seriously, stepping closer to him.

They stare each other down for a couple seconds before Gon breaks first laughing crazily. Killua laughs, also unable to keep a straight face. After they both finish laughing they set up for the race. They are starting at the very back edge of Gon’s backyard.

“Okay, the first one to reach the mailbox in the front wins.” Gon says.

“Okay cool.” Killua stretches his legs then gets ready.

“Ready. Set. Go!” Gon yells.

Killua takes off. Killua has always loved running. It gives him a sense of freedom that he never had. The burn of his muscles as they pump him faster, the wind on his cheeks and through his hair. It is all so exhilarating. Killua was so caught up in the feeling that he didn’t even notice that he won until he almost crashed into the mailbox. He looks back and Gon is like six feet behind him running. When Gon gets to the mailbox he drops to the ground dramatically breathing hard.

“Geez Killua… That was awesome…. You're so fast… You should join cross country or track.” Gon says through pants.

Killua thinks about it. He has always wanted to do something like that, but he never got a chance to because of his parents. “You really think so Gon.”

“Definitely.” He smiles up at Killua making Killua’s heart do that stupid flutter thing.

After Gon catches his breath, they head back inside. When they come in there is this old lady sitting on the couch in the living room. Gon smiles at Killua.

“Killua this is my grandma Abe. Grandma this is Killua.”

Killua smiles at her. “Nice to meet you.”

She smiles at him. “I’m glad Gon brought a friend over. He never brings anyone over except sometimes Zushi.”

Gon flushes a little and Killua smiles. It’s so hard to embarrass Gon. “Grandma. Come on Killua.” Gon leads him upstairs.

“You better take showers.” Mito’s strict voice comes from downstairs. “You were just outside in the dirt.”

“We will!” Gon yells back so she can hear him downstairs. They walk into Gon’s room again.

“Hey Killua, you can shower first.” Gon says.

Killua smiles and grabs his pajamas. “Okay. Hey why don’t you ever bring anyone over? You have so many friends at school.”

Gon smiles at him brightly making Killua have to look at the floor. “They don’t really know me, you know. They are not close enough to bring over. Your special Killua.”

Killua feels his face flush. “Idiot you can’t just say stuff like that. Where is the bathroom?”

Gon starts leading him to the bathroom. “Why not Killua it is true.”

Killua quickly thanks Gon for showing him the bathroom then rushes in to hide his blush. Killua sighs looking at his red face in the mirror. This Killua is almost unrecognizable. He is so happy. Killua quickly looks away when he starts undressing though. He gets into the shower and almost groans at the hot water hitting his tense muscles. He starts to wash off quickly. He doesn’t want to use all of their hot water. That would be so rude. He turns the water off and gets out the shower. Then he gets dressed in his tank top and pajama pants that Pika got him. They are so comfortable.

When he comes back in the room Gon is setting up a pallet on the floor. “Hey that was quick. I was just setting up your bed, but I’ll head in.” Gon heads to the bathroom. Killua finishes setting up the bed and he hears Gon’s door open. He looks back and it is Mito.

“Hey Killua, can you give me a hand really quickly?”

He nods and follows her downstairs.

“I just need you to set the table, okay?”

Killua nods. He doesn’t tell her that he has never set one because he is sure he can figure it out. Just give each chair a plate, fork, spoon, and knife. He gets to work trying his hardest to make it look as nice as possible. Mito comes in and sees the table. He bites the inside of his cheek nervously, but she just smiles.

“This looks great Killua.” She rubs his back, and he tenses up a little. She keeps rubbing his back and he relaxes a little. “You’re such a good kid Killua.”

He was too busy leaning into the soft touch that he almost didn’t notice what she said. Does she know? He looks at her. Her face isn’t judging or upset. It isn’t pity like he feared. It is just caring. Killua’s face must show the emotional feelings that are rushing through his chest because she pulls him close and holds him against her. He relaxes almost immediately. He has never really been held like this by a woman. It is so comforting it is almost scary. She lets him go and smiles.

“Okay you can go back upstairs. Dinner will be ready in a little.” She says.

Killua heads upstairs and sits on Gon’s bed trying to rein his feelings in. By the time he is starting to feel normal again Gon comes into the room. Killua feels his throat go dry. Gon’s spiky hair is laying down from the water and he is wearing nothing but a towel. Killua can’t help but to follow this drop of water as it runs down the side of Gon’s tanned neck. Then it trails down his chest and abs until disappearing into the towel that is dangerously low on his hips. Killua bites his bottom lip as his stomach tightens for some reason. He feels the heat pooling into his stomach as he looks Gon over. Gon turns around to look in his drawer and Killua is blessed with the sight of Gon’s muscular back. The tanned skin is pulled across his muscles in a way that they flex every time he moves his arms. Killua bites his lip a little harder as the heat rushes lower. Then he flushes and looks away quickly.

By the time he regains his calm and looks back at Gon he is dressed in pajamas not too different from his own. Killua follows up Gon’s arms until his eyes lock with Gon’s. Gon looks amused.

“See something you like?” He teases.

Killua flushes even redder. “N... No idiot.”

Gon comes closer and leans forward putting both of his arms on either side of Killua on the bed. Killua swallows and it was so loud he heard it go down. This is the first time Gon has ever invaded his space without an innocent intention. Gon looks at Killua’s lips and Killua can’t help but to lick them to wet them. He feels the tightness grow in his stomach and for some reason he really wants Gon to touch him. He has never wanted something like that before. Gon leans a little closer and Killua can feel his breath on his face.

“Boy’s dinner is ready!” Mito yells from downstairs.

Gon and Killua jump.

“Come on Killua.” Gon smiles and heads downstairs.

Killua takes a few minutes to calm down before he follows him. After dinner they lay down to sleep (after Killua had another moment after Gon stripped to his boxers to sleep). Gon is in his bed and Killua is laying on the bed they made on the floor. Killua is ready to sleep. He slowly lets unconsciousness take over.

**
Killua is laying in his bed comfortably. He feels himself being pulled out of bed. Killua’s eyes open and he sees Illumi pulling him out. Killua knows this isn’t about his parents. Sometimes Illumi gets really upset with their parents especially when they hurt Illumi. So, he takes it out on Killua. Killua thrashes in his grip as fear starts seeping through his body. Illumi takes him to the bathroom in his bedroom and the tub is already full of water. Illumi smiles, which is rare for him, as he snatches Killua clothes off.

“Illu-nii. Stop please. I don’t know what I…” Killua’s sentence is cut off and his lungs burn as water fills his mouth and nose. He thrashes against Illumi’s grip. He feels himself being pulled out of the water and he coughs and sputters desperately trying to get the water out of his lungs. It burns up his throat and down his nose. Illumi looks at him.

“Now be quiet Kil. Get in the tub.”

Killua is still coughing and gasping as he slowly climbs into the tub. Illumi looks his body over slowly before he slides his hand into his hair. Killua had finally calmed down and leaned into the touch. Killua doesn’t know why Illumi is being nice after being so mean. Killua feels Illumi pet him gently for a couple more minutes before the hand in his hair tightens and he shoves his head back under the water. Killua coughs and chokes. He thinks he might feel Illumi’s other hand going somewhere but all he can focus on is the burning in his nose and throat. He opens his eyes and sees Illumi’s head hovering above him watching him as he chokes. He slowly loses the energy to fight as black dots start dancing around his vision. Finally, he feels his head being pulled back out. Killua chokes and coughs up water as Illumi pulls him out of the bath. Illumi pulls him against him as Killua coughs and chokes. Killua leans into Illumi’s warmth because he is so cold.

“It’s okay Kil. You will be okay.” He whispers over and over as he pets Killua’s head.

Killua feels the tears falling down his cheeks as Illumi talks.
**

“Killua wake up. Wake up.” Illumi says. It doesn’t sound like Illumi though. He jolts awake and Gon is leaning over him shaking him gently. He looks beyond worried.

“Killua are you okay?” Gon croaks out. “You were crying and gasping.”

Killua feels his cheeks heat up but in shame this time. He whimpers softly because he did it. He broke in front of Gon. Now Gon is going to know that he doesn’t want to be around someone like Killua. He is weird and broken. More tears slide their way down Killua’s cheeks.

“I’m sorry G... Gon, I didn't mean to w... wake you.” He whispers.

Gon’s face softens. “That’s okay Killua. Can I hold you? Aunt Mito used to do that when I had bad dreams.”

Killua nods, desperate to forget about the dream. Desperate to know nothing changed between him and Gon. Gon lays by him on the pallet and pulls Killua into his muscular chest. He wraps his arms around Killua’s shaking body and rubs his back with one hand and his hair with the other. Killua closes his eyes and leans against Gon’s warm chest and sighs slowly relaxing. He falls back into unconsciousness to the rhythm of Gon’s rubbing.

He doesn’t have any more nightmares that night.

Chapter Text

Killua sighs as he looks at Hisoka. Even after two months of meeting with this whack job he isn’t used to him yet. Killua won’t lie though. He likes Hisoka. He is funny and nice. Plus, he has given Killua advice on a lot of things. Right now, Killua is laying on Hisoka’s bed. They have been meeting at Hisoka’s penthouse for their meetings for the past month. Hisoka is laying by him but there is space between them and Hisoka is scrolling on social media on his phone. Killua is lost in thought. He can’t help thinking about Gon. They both have gotten closer since he met him. His three months at his new house seemed to fly by. Killua thinks back to what happened yesterday.

{Gon was hovering over him as they laid in his backyard. They were laughing about something but then Killua couldn’t stop staring at Gon’s face. He looked so beautiful in the sun set. The pink, orange, and red spill across his tan face leaving Killua enraptured. Gon leaned in then slowly and Killua watched his eyes change going from playful to half lidded and heavy. Gon barely brushed his lips against his and Killua felt as if he had been shocked. It felt too good. Killua froze unsure what to do but then but before anything else could happen Mito called them in.}

Killua groans embarrassed and irritated with himself. He doesn’t know how to kiss anyone. Plus, Killua knows that he shouldn’t want to kiss Gon. It is wrong. Killua always feels really really guilty afterwards but when they have those moments, he can’t help but to forget about all of that. Gon has a way of making him forget all of the bad things. To forget the memories, the guilt, and his family. And what does Killua do for Gon? He just awkwardly responds to things and he can’t even kiss him. Killua groans again.

“You okay Kitty?” Hisoka asks.

Killua bites his lip, thinking about whether or not he should ask. “Hisoka, how do you kiss somebody?”

Hisoka looks over at him. “Why? Do you want to kiss that delicious boy that you hang out with?”

Killua rolls his eyes at Hisoka’s wording. “No.” He replies stubbornly.

Hisoka laughs softly and runs his fingers through Killua’s hair getting him to tense up a little. “Oh kitten. I can teach you.”

“How?” Killua asks suspiciously.

Hisoka smiled that perverted looking smile of his. “How would you like me to?”

“Show me maybe.”

Hisoka smiles then leans in getting Killua’s heart to almost pop out of his chest. His hand comes up to stop Hisoka’s face although Hisoka stopped halfway because he really wasn’t going to kiss him. “I didn’t mean on me you idiot.”

“It was worth a try.” Hisoka’s voice comes muffled from under Killua’s hand.

Killua laughs and moves his hand. Hisoka smiles. “I have an idea on how to show you kitty.” Hisoka pulls out his phone and dials a number.

Thirty minutes later there is a knock at the front door. Hisoka disappears to get the door and then comes back with a man. The man is tall like Hisoka but Hisoka is still taller. Hisoka introduces the man as Jake then leads the man to sit on the bed in front of Killua. Killua instinctively moves back a little but Hisoka sits in front of him across from Jake and gives him a reassuring smile.

“Okay pay attention kitty. This is an innocent kiss.” Killua watches as Hisoka leans in and presses his lips to Jake’s. It is almost what him and Gon did but firmer.

“Okay. Is that the only kind?” Killua says.

Hisoka smirks suggestively. “Such a curious little kitty. This is a French kiss.” Hisoka leans in and presses his lips against Jake’s. Killua is about to comment that nothing has changed but the words get caught in his throat as he watches Hisoka’s tongue slide across Jake’s lower lip. Killua feels his face heat up as Jake opens his lips letting Hisoka in. Killua starts to feel a little warm as he watches the two men explore each other’s mouths.

“I…. I think I got it.” Killua clears his throat and looks away.

“Oh, you’re so shy.” Hisoka smirks getting Killua to glare at him. After a couple more demonstrations Jake leaves which leaves Killua and Hisoka on the bed again. Killua was excited watching them. He could see him and Gon doing the same things and it made him feel warm and made his heart skip. Now that it is over though Killua can’t help but to feel disgusted with himself. He got excited watching two guys, thinking about a guy. Killua is gross. He can’t even keep his thoughts normal when it comes to Gon. Gon would hate him for sure if he knew the things Killua thinks about.

“What’s with the long face now, Kitten?” Hisoka asks looking slightly concerned which is a strange look on the normally joking, albeit inappropriate man.

“I just…” Killua sighs playing with his fingers. He has never been good at this whole “talk about your feelings” thing. He just usually makes a joke or states things as though they are no big deal. “Do you think I am uh…... Well nasty… for wanting to k... kiss Gon?”

Hisoka’s face doesn’t change from his smile but Killua sees Hisoka’s eyes change. They look confused, then worried, to finally settle on resolved. Weird. “Of course, not Kitten.” Hisoka says in a calm voice like he didn’t just make Killua feel better. Hisoka leans back putting his weight on one hand as he looks at the nails on his other hand. “I think you should kiss whoever you want, no matter what they are.”

Killua feels his eyes widen as he looks up at Hisoka. “Really?”

“Of course. Why would you think I would think of you that way?” Hisoka asks seemingly nonchalant but his eyes hold a curiosity.

“It’s just my old family… they didn’t think...” Killua sighs stopping himself. Too much information that the weird man doesn’t need to know right now. “Just because.”

Hisoka’s eyes search his face looking concerned. Then probably realizing Killua isn’t going to crack he sighs then smiles largely. “Well okay Kitten. Let’s go get you some chocolate before it is time to take you home.”

Killua immediately perks up.

--

Kurapika giggles softly as Leorio leans in to kiss him again. Kurapika is sitting on his teacher desk as Leorio stands between his legs kissing him softly. After they break apart again Kurapika smiles and cups Leorio’s cheek.

“You need to go. You’re going to be late and if anyone sees us, I’ll get in trouble.” Kurapika smiles.

Leorio groans softly and kisses Kurapika’s nose. “It’s not my fault. I just can’t get enough of you.” Leorio smiles softly then kisses Kurapika again softly and gently.

“Leorio, you need to go.” Kurapika whispers softly against Leorio’s lips.

Leorio sighs then he pulls back completely. “I’ll see you when I get off Pika.”

Kurapika can’t help his smile at his fiancé’s face. He looks like a kicked puppy. “Okay. Have a good day.” Kurapika watches as he leaves. Kurapika sighs softly in a good mood. What a way to start the day. He starts to get the room set up for his class.

“I’m sorry to bother you. Can you tell me where the staff room is?” A monotonous voice asks from behind him.

Kurapika turns around just to feel his smile fall from his face. Standing in his door is a man. Kurapika thinks it might be Gittarackur who Leorio mentioned. It has been two months since Leorio had that weird encounter at the hospital so in all honesty Kurapika forgot about it. Kurapika doesn’t even know for sure if this is the man but he looks just as Leorio described. He is standing in the doorway seeming to take it all up. He is wearing a dark green sweater and black pants. His raven hair falls down just past his butt and his eyes are a dark endless black. His features are soft, almost feminine. The crazy thing is the man might even be beautiful if it wasn’t for the horrible feeling Kurapika is getting from looking at him.

“W... who?” Kurapika grinds his teeth and clears his throat. He doesn’t care how intimidating the man is. He will not stutter because of him. “Who are you?” Kurapika asks standing tall.

The man’s face stays impassive as ever. “My name is Gittarackur. I am a friend of the principal here. He said to meet him in the staff room.”

Kurapika straightens out more. “Oh. You know Chrollo? I can show you to the staff room just give me two seconds.”

Gittarackur nods and waits as Kurapika finishes setting up. Kurapika turns around to find Gittarackur looking at his desk smiling the scariest smile he has ever seen. Kurapika moves to see what the man is looking at. He is staring at a picture of Kurapika, Leorio, Killua and Gon. They took that picture two months ago for Halloween. Kurapika was a vampire, Leorio forget to get a costume so he was a doctor, Gon was a fisherman, and Killua was a white cat (per Gon’s enthusiastic suggestion). Leorio and Kurapika are standing to the side with Kurapika leaning on Leorio and Gon is hugging Killua. Killua is blushing softly, and his face looks annoyed, but his eyes look fond. That paired with the white cat ears Killua is adorable. Kurapika feels uneasy with the way the man is smiling at the picture. Kurapika steps in front of the picture and he watches as Gitterackur’s face changes. Well, his eyes do. His face loses the smile and looks emotionless again, but his eyes look annoyed…. Or maybe angry. The weird part is it kind of reminds him of Killua.

“Ready?” Kurapika asks just wanting this man to go away.

“Yes.” Gittarackur says.

Kurapika leads him to the staff room. He watches as Gittarackur walks in and greets Chrollo. Chrollo smiles softly at the man and Kurapika turns to rush back to his classroom. He wants to call Leorio and see if he can catch him before he gets to the hospital.

--

When asked how he got here Killua would tell you it was all Ms. Story’s fault. She told him that he thought of Ikalgo when he saw Zushi. She put that in his head. And somewhere deep down he absolutely knows that it isn’t her fault but god dammit Killua needs someone to blame. Zushi is sitting in the office holding a tissue to his bleeding nose. Killua is sitting in a chair on the side of him playing with his fingers. He knows he went too far this time. He just knows it. Leorio had to leave work and he is coming to get him. Plus, Killua is suspended for three days.

Leorio comes in grumbling. He is still in his blue scrubs and he looks tired. He looks at Killua and Killua immediately averts eye contact out of habit. He hears Leorio sigh.

“Come on kid.”

Killua gets up and follows Leorio outside sparing Zushi one last look. They both get into Leorio’s car. Leorio doesn’t move to put the keys in. He leans his seat back a little and looks at Killua. Killua looks away again.

“What happened kid?” Leorio asks. He doesn’t sound angry. At least that’s a plus.

Killua planned to calmly explain everything but he is so tired of it all. He just wants to be normal, and he wants to stop holding stuff in. He snaps. “I just…. We were all at lunch and I was sitting at the table with Gon’s friends and Gon left for me a few seconds and the guys were all playing truth or dare. Then someone dared Zushi touch me because they know that I’m not good with touch. They won’t leave me alone about it. I told Zushi not to touch me. I don’t like Zushi anyways. He makes me feel bad when I look at him, but Zushi touched me anyways because the other guys were egging him on. When he touched me, I just panicked, and I punched him.”

Leorio sighs. “We need to work on this Killua. You can’t react violently every time something happens. I am not upset because I understand but I want to help. Is the therapist not helping? Do you want to switch to a new one? Or do you want to talk to me or Kurapika?”

Killua sighs and presses the heels of his hands to his eyes to stop anything suspiciously like tears that want to fall. “I know that Leorio and I am trying. I am trying so hard. The people at the school won’t stop messing with me. I usually stand up for myself better, but I don’t know how to do that without hurting people. I like Ms. Story I just…. I haven’t really been talking to her much.”

He feels Leorio rub his back. “I know. We can see that you’re trying, kid. Pika and I are so proud of you everyday. I promise we are not asking for a miracle or for you to change. Just this is enough. We just want to help, and we love talking to you. I love talking to you. What you say, how you feel, it’s all really important to me kid.”

Killua feels his heart swell. It does in the same way that it does when Kurapika hugs him or when Leorio ruffles his hair. He has never been told that his opinion matters or that somebody cares about how he feels.

“Th..Thanks Leorio. I’ll work on it.”

Leorio smiles. “Okay.” He ruffles Killua’s hair. “Anyways while we work on it, I don’t blame you Kid. People need to respect people’s boundaries. Plus, thanks to you I have the rest of the day off. Let’s go get some good food to eat.” Leorio smiles.

Killua laughs softly. “I’m in trouble though. Shouldn’t we just go home?”

Leorio smiles over at him as he starts the car. “Just don’t tell Pika.”

Later that day Killua is sitting at home waiting for Kurapika and Leorio to get home. Leorio went to pick up Pika from work. He hears a knock on at the door. Killua looks out of the peep hole and it is Gon. Killua opens the door.

Gon’s face melts into relief. “Killuaaaa! You’re okay! I didn’t know what happened. All I heard was that you got in trouble for punching Zushi.”

Killua shoves his hands in his pockets. He is worried Gon might be mad for him hitting his friend. “I’m sorry Gon. It was just he….”

“It’s okay Killua.” Gon smiles that million-watt smile. “Zushi already told me. He said he feels really bad because he shouldn’t have touched you. He just listened to the guys because Zushi is small, and those guys bully him sometimes when I am not around. I’m sorry Killua.” Gon rubs the back of his head.

“It’s okay Gon it’s not your fault.” Killua comes out and shuts the door behind him.

“Are you okay Killua?”

“Yeah, I just thought… that maybe you would be mad because I punched your friend.”

Gon laughs softly and all those worried feelings in Killua disappear. Killua looks up and sees Gon coming closer. He comes closer until Killua is sort of leaned against the front door. “I am not mad Killua. Zushi is my friend, but you’re special Killua.”

Killua feels his heartbeat pick up. “Sp... Special?”

Gon smiles at him, those amber orbs looking into Killua’s. “Of course, Killua is special. You like the same things I do, we have so much fun when we hang out, you really care about me even though you try to act nonchalant, your sweet when you want to be, and really really cute. I like you Killua.”

Killua’s chest feels like it could burst. Gon is looking at him for a response but Killua’s brain is still catching up. As his brain digests the words his face heats up more. Gon likes him? “You like me?”

Gon smiles and cups Killua’s face with one of his hands. Killua can feel the calluses on Gon’s large hands brush against his cheek. “Yes, I really like you Killua. Do you like me?”

Killua feels his stomach seize a little. He knows it is wrong. He knows that he isn’t allowed. But for once there is a voice in his head. A small but powerful one. It’s reminding him that things are different here. Nobody would punish him, nobody would hate him, it’s not gross for Gon or Leorio or Kurapika. It’s not even gross for Hisoka. Killua doesn’t see them any different. Maybe it wouldn’t be gross for him. Maybe for once he can be happy instead of smart. Killua wants Gon so badly and for once there is a small light of hope telling him he can have what he wants. It sounds a lot like the smiling idiot in front of him. Killua grips his fists tighter fighting past his nerves. He is safe at Leorio and Kurapika’s so for the first time in years Killua is going to go for it.

“Y... Yes, I uh… l... like you too.” Killua chokes out the truth. It is so scary yet so amazing. It’s freeing.

Gon smiles happily and Killua watches as Gon’s eyes travel down to his lips. Killua can’t help but to lick his lips wondering if Gon wants to kiss him. Killua’s chest almost hurts with how fast his heart is beating. Gon leans in and presses his lips against Killua’s. Everything Killua learned yesterday at Hisoka’s is forgotten and if that wasn’t bad enough Killua’s heart stops and forgets how to breathe. All Killua can think is *this is how I die* but he also can’t help but to think that it would be an amazing way to go. Killua feels Gon tilt his head a little against his. Killua feels Gon’s soft tongue brush his bottom lip and his can’t help but gasp in surprise. Killua feels Gon’s tongue slide into his mouth. It’s new and a little weird but it is oh so perfect. Killua has never done this before but he tries to copy Gon’s movements. Killua is so warm and excited but he is also nervous. Does Gon like it? Is he doing it right? What was the last thing Killua had eaten? Gon’s tongue rubs against his and all coherent thoughts leave him and Killua can’t stop the soft whimper that leaves his lips as his body heats up more. The kiss is so soft and sweet but it also oh so exciting. Killua grips Gon’s shirt feeling a little dizzy as Gon invades his senses. He can taste Gon, and he tastes like skittles, he must have eaten some on the way here. He can smell the earthy sent mixed with dove body soap that is so distinctly Gon. Gon rubs his tongue against Killua’s again making the boy whimper again as the heat rushes lower to pool in his stomach.

Gon pulls back slightly and Killua can’t help but think he looks intoxicating like this. His amber eyes are hooded with longing and fondness and his lips are pink and swollen from the kiss. “You okay Killua?”

Killua’s brain is slowly melting from overload. He wants to tell Gon he is okay, he wants to tell him he is really happy, he wants to pull him into a kiss again, but alas when he opens his mouth all that comes out is, “Damn.”

Gon’s face lights up and he laughs. God Killua loves his laugh.

--

Illumi sighs. He needs to make sure he isn’t seen but then again, this kid doesn’t seem like the most observant. He looks at the kid in green soccer shorts, even though it is December, and a green jacket. Illumi has been watching Kil’s new life for two months now and the amount of green this boy possess is astounding. He watches as the boy knocks on Kil’s temporary home’s front door. Kil opens it. Illumi takes in his brother as the two boys talk. Kil is wearing black tight jeans and a purple turtleneck. Illumi trails his eyes up to Kil’s face and he feels the start of a smile tug at his lips. Kil’s beautiful eyes have always been so expressive. God he just wants to run over there and grab Kil. He wants to take him home because he misses him. Oh, he misses him, but he knows now isn’t the time.

Illumi is so wrapped up in his thoughts he doesn’t know how or why but all of a sudden, the boys are kissing. His stomach tightens and he feels his fists grip tighten. What is this? Oh, right this is anger. Illumi is angry. How dare that imbicile kiss his brother? How dare he even think about it? Kil is HIS! Nobody else’s. Illumi just barley contains his rage and stops himself from running over and harming the boy all the time his face not changing. He knows now isn’t the time. He has to look away when Kil grips the boy’s shirt as if the kiss is that powerful. It’s okay. Kil will be with him again soon enough. He will. He looks back just as the boy is pulling away. Kil looks beautiful. His face is flushed, his sapphire eyes are hooded, and his lips are pink and swollen. Illumi feels that all too familiar heat pool lower and he gets up knowing he has to leave right now or else he will end up snapping. He has somebody to talk to anyways.

Illumi walks to the stupid man’s penthouse and knocks on the door. Hisoka opens the door with that goofy smile on his face.

“Illu! You’re here to visit.”

“Don’t call me that Hisoka. Let me in.”

Hisoka only looks more amused as he steps aside and lets the man in. “What’s with the long face?”

“I need to start putting things in motion.” Illumi looks at him keeping his face neutral but making sure to send his glare through his eyes. “You are keeping your end of the bargain, correct? You seem to be getting really close with my brother.”

Hisoka pitches an innocent face. “I am. I just enjoy the little kitten’s company that’s all. I’m sure you understand.”

Illumi comes closer and looks Hisoka in the eyes. “Well hurry and don’t call him that again. I will kill you.” Illumi starts to walk out of the apartment.

“Mmm” He hears Hisoka moan softly. “Oh, Illu you’re so fun.”

“Just do what I hired you to do.” Illumi calls back as he slams the door.

Chapter Text

Killua sits across from Ms. Story in the therapy room. He is playing with some of her foamy slime. This plus a fidget square are his favorite things to play with in here. She has a lot of fidgets to choose from.

“So, you and Gon are dating now?”

Killua squeezes the slime more trying to squeeze out his nerves. He can’t close up again. He promised Leorio that he would “try” with Ms. Story. “I guess so…”

She smiles gently and Killua calms down a little. “Does that make you happy?”

“Yeah.” Killua feels his face heat up.

“What do you like about him?” She asks as she writes something down.

Killua pulls at the slime some more. “He is nice and funny. He is fun to hang out with and we like a lot of the same stuff…. And he is c… cute or whatever.” He flushes more. “What does this have to do with therapy?”

She laughs softly and it isn’t mean like she is laughing at him. “We are just here to talk about you Killua.”

“Well yeah but like…. I don’t know aren’t we supposed to talk about my family or something?”

“Do you want to talk about your family?”

“Do you think it would help?”

“I think it might but if you are not ready then you shouldn’t rush into it.”

“I don’t know if I am ready but…... Pika and Leorio said that I have to testify in court if I want my parents to stay in jail.”

She looks at him and he can see her eyes softening but not in pity which he is grateful for. “How do you feel about doing that?”

He pulls on the slime some more. “I am scared, I guess. I don’t know how I am going to talk about those things in front of my dad…” He looks down. “And what if I do and it doesn’t work? Then I’ll have to go home with them. What will happen then.”

She sighs and puts her booklet down. “You know Killua, these things will always be scary. It seems that if you do testify, they will have a really strong case because of the evidence presented. Also, we can talk to the court about maybe letting you testify in private instead of in front of everybody.”

Killua gulps and keeps pulling on the slime, finding it grounding. “I am scared to tell anybody about it. Do you think if I get some of it off my chest before the trial it will be easier?”

“I do.” She nods. “I also don’t want you to feel rushed into anything.”

He thinks it over. Maybe he can tell somethings just to start out. “Maybe I can start out with just a couple things today.”

She nods. “That sounds great Killua.”

He pulls on the slime some more working through his nerves. When he looks up Ms. Story is waiting patiently. He swallows. He tries his hardest to not get detached, but he feels it happening. It makes it easier as if it didn’t happen to him. “They uh… they used to whip me. They would tie... me up sometimes with rope and other times with chains. They would also stop me from eating sometimes... And..yeah” Killua wraps up. He thought he might feel upset but mostly he just feels numb. He hates when it gets like this. He feels his hands squeeze the slime, but he doesn’t tell his body to do it. He slowly looks down to see his hands are squeezing the slime still.

“That’s really good Killua.” Ms. Story’s voice calls from what seems like far away. “How are you feeling?”

“I feel weird. Like I’m here but I’m not here.”

“That’s okay Killua. Look around, can you tell me five things you see okay.”

Killua sighs. He hates trying to focus on anything like this. It is so hard. He looks around trying to focus. “There is um a blue table….and a painting of mountains.”

“That’s good Killua keep going.”

“There is a computer and a brown door and….” Killua looks up at Ms. Story feeling grounded again. “I feel better thanks.”

She smiles gently. “Of course, Killua. That’s called dissociation. Sometimes when really bad things happen to us and we can’t escape physically our minds protect us by separating so we can escape mentally.”

Killua nods. That makes a lot of sense actually and it explains a lot.

“How do you feel about talking about these things?”

“I feel a little better actually.”

“That’s great.” She smiles. “Well since we have only about fifteen minutes left let’s eat some snacks and talk about happier things.”

Killua smiles and grabs the snacks from her. This is honestly his favorite part of their sessions because it always leaves him feeling better.

--

Kurapika sighs. He is sitting in his classroom with Dama. Her parents always come to pick her up late. To be honest it annoys Kurapika to no end, but he can’t do much about it. He looks over and Dama is playing with the kitchen toys in the room.

“Mr. Kurta?” She asks as she runs over. “What’s this one called again?”

He puts on his teacher's smile. “That’s a spatula.”

She goes back to playing and his phone rings. It’s Leorio.

“Hello?”

“Hey Pika. Are you almost done? The Gon’s getting a little antsy. He wants to go pick up Killua now and get on the road.”

Kurapika laughs a little. “Yes, I am almost ready. I am just sitting here with Dama waiting for her parents.”

Leorio sighs and Kurapika can almost picture his eyebrows furrowing on the other side of the phone. “They are late again.”

“Yes, almost every day.” Kurapika hears a knock on his classroom door. “I think they are here. I will be out in a second.”

“Okay, I love you.”

“You too.” Kurapika hangs up the phone then goes to open the door. Dama’s mom is wearing a very very short red dress and bright red lipstick. Half of her blonde hair is back and the rest flows down her back.

“You’re such a life saver Mr. Kurta!” She exclaims. “I’ll get Dama now.” Dama’s mom walks over to Dama. “Let’s go Dama.” She bends over to grab the toys and makes sure her butt is pointed at Kurapika. He rolls his eyes and waits for her. She always flirts with him although he has made it clear that he isn’t interested. Plus even if he did like women, she has a husband. She takes her time gathering the toys then Kurapika politely rushes her and Dama out of the classroom. He sighs and starts cleaning up everything. He tries to hurry knowing that Leorio and Gon are waiting in the car. He hurries and finishes up. He rushes to the car and gets in with Leorio and Gon.

“Hello Gon.” Kurapika says. He looks back and the teenager is almost jumping out of his seat with excitement. Kurapika laughs a little.

“Hi Kurapika! I am so excited! We are gonna have so much fun! We are gonna hike, take pictures, eat smores, and I’m gonna teach Killua how to fish!” Gon rushes out without taking a breath.

“Breath kid.” Leorio laughs.

Gon smiles. “I can’t wait!”

Kurapika laughs. “I can see that Gon.”

Gon talks their ears off the whole way to Killua’ therapist office. Kurapika doesn’t mind much because he is used to it. Once they pull up Killua comes running out. He is holding a duffle bag because they were going to head to the mountains straight from the therapist office. Killua practically jumps in the car.

“Hey Leorio! Hi Pika!” Killua smiles big. Kurapika’s heart softens at the smile. Maybe therapy went well today.

“Hey kid. How did it go?”

“I am keeping our deal up Leorio.”

Leorio smiles back at Killua in the review mirror. “Good job kid. I’m proud of you.”

Kurapika sees Killua’s sapphire eyes light up at Leorio’s praise and his heart melts again.

Gon hugs Killua tightly and gives him a quick peck on the lips. “I missed you Killua.”

Killua’s entire face turns red as he sputters. “I…. Idiot you can’t just kiss me in front of them.”

“Yeah, Gon he wants you to give him all the lovey dovey kisses in private.” Leorio teases.

“I can cover my eyes if you want Killua.” Kurapika says smiling.

“I can kiss you later if you want Killua.”

Kurapika smiles as the poor boy flushes up to the tips of his ears. He turns to look out the window and scratches the back of his head. “Ugh why are you guys so embarrassing.” He grumbles.

Kurapika laughs followed by Gon and Leorio as Leorio starts driving. It is a pretty long drive but it’s not too bad with them talking all the way down there. When they finally make it to the opening camping area it is almost dark. Kurapika knows this is going to be fun. His poor fiancé looks miserable as he sprays on an absurd amount of bug spray. Leorio has never been too fond of camping but the boys really wanted to go, and he is a big pushover when it comes to them.

“Boys grab the food out of the trunk and don’t go too far because it is almost dark. We will explore more tomorrow.” Kurapika says.

He looks over at Leorio and almost laughs at his expression. His eyebrows are furrowed, and his small glasses are falling even lower down his nose. He is holding the tent instructions in one hand and pieces of the tent in the other hand. Plus, he is quietly grumbling to himself.

“How is it that you can make it through four years of college, four years of medical school, and three years of residency but you can’t figure out the tent.” Kurapika giggles as he goes over to him.

Leorio glares at him. “Can’t you just help me Pika?”

Kurapika laughs and starts to help. It takes them about twenty minutes to get the tent up. It is a pretty big tent with three rooms and a little open area in the middle of the two rooms. Leorio is looking at the tent with pride and Kurapika laughs a little as he looks over at Gon and Killua. Gon got the fire started and just like teenage boys they already started throwing things that shouldn’t be there in there. Since they got here so late, they will probably start everything tomorrow. After a quick dinner they put fire out, the food up, and set up camp in the tents. Leorio and Kurapika are sharing a room and Gon and Killua get their own rooms. Kurapika was a little apprehensive about leaving them semi unsupervised since they started dating but Leorio pointed out that the boys are literally five feet away from them and only separated by two thin tent walls. Kurapika finally gets comfortable in his sleeping bag cuddled against Leorio and he knows that this is going to be a fun trip.

--

Killua glares at Gon. The older boy is currently laughing at him quietly because he lost yet another game of Uno. After the long trip up here the two boys were not tired when bedtime rolled around so they hung a couple flashlights from the top of the tent in Killua’s room so they could play games.

“I beat you again Killuaaaa.” The tanned boy whispers.

Killua gently pushes him. “Shut up idiot. I just haven’t played in a while.” He whispers back.

Gon smiles. “Let’s get the other cards and play speed.”

Killua nods and they play. Killua is surprisingly good at it since he never played before.

“Ha.” Killua whispers. “I beat you Gon.”

Gon’s face twists in determination. “Again, Killua just one more time.” He whispers.

“Nope.”

“Killuaaaa.” Gon whines. It was a little louder, but he was still whispering.

Killua pushes him softly. “Be quiet idiot.”

Gon pouts and Killua can’t help but to think about how adorable he is. “Killua look at the stars with me. We have to lay right on the edge of the tent wall so we can look out and see them.”

Killua nods. He lays by Gon right next to the tent wall and his breath catches. It is beautiful. They are so far from the city that the night sky is completely lit up by the stars. They scatter across the sky like glitter.

Gon points to one and whispers. “That’s the big dipper Killua.”

Killua’s eyes follow Gon’s finger. “Show me more Gon.”

Gon’s eyes light up like they do when he is excited about something. Killua cuddles up to Gon as he whispers about the stars. Killua finds himself looking at Gon rather than the sky. The moonlight is just bright enough through the tent net to softly light up Gon’s tanned face. His amber eyes are shining as he talks and Killua finds himself enraptured. Gon, probably noticing that Killua has been quiet, looks over at him. Killua gasps softly at Gon’s bright eyes looking at him. He feels his face heat up and he looks away flushing. He feels Gon turn his face towards him again.

Killua looks at Gon’s lips. Ever since Gon and Killua started dating not much has changed. They joke around and hang out like normal. Gon says a lot of embarrassing stuff but he did that before. The main difference are the sneaky and mostly innocent kisses slipped in here and there. Killua loves kissing Gon. It makes him feel close to him and really warm. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that Gon is a really good kisser. Killua never has the courage to initiate the kissing though. Luckily Gon can always sense when he wants to.

Gon leans in and kisses Killua. Their first few kisses were shy and a little awkward but now they are both more comfortable. Gon more than Killua but Killua is working on it. Killua kisses back feeling himself relax. Gon moves so that he is slightly leaning over Killua with Killua on his back. Killua doesn’t mind this too much because Gon isn’t fully on top of him. The kissing is nice. Gon licks his bottom lip asking for entrance which Killua happily gives him. Killua almost moans at the feeling of Gon’s tongue against his. He barely holds it in by remembering that Kurapika and Leorio are nearby. Killua tangles his tongue with Gon’s in the lazy kiss. Oh, Killua would never get tired of this. Gon presses his lips a little firmer, picking up the pace of the kiss enough to make Killua whimper softly. Gon’s tongue rubs against the roof of Killua’s mouth making him whimper a little louder.

Gon pulls back making Killua whine softly in complaint. He has a stupid cocky grin on his face. “Killua should be quiet, or they will hear us.”

Killua glares at him. “Cheeky bastard.” He grumbles as much as he can while still whispering.

Gon giggles softly at Killua’s face and Killua almost hits him over the head but he stops himself when Gon leans in again and kisses him at the same pace as before. Killua kisses him back with the same speed. He doesn’t know why he feels all needy all of a sudden. Maybe his doctor was onto something when she was talking to Killua about hormones. He should talk to Leorio about it. Killua usually never knows where to place his hands during these kisses but he finds his hands moving to slide up Gon’s chest. Gon is wearing a black sleeveless shirt as a pajama shirt and Killua can feel his muscles through the soft cotton fabric. His broad chest feels firm and Killua can feel Gon’s heartbeat under his fingers. Gon slowly trails his lips to the side of Killua’s neck. Killua whimpers as he feels Gon kiss along his sensitive skin. Killua shudders a little as the heat he is feeling rushes lower. Gon’s hand leaves a trail of warmth as it slides down Killua’s side and grips his hip. Killua’s shirt slid up a little so Gon’s hand found the bare skin by Killua’s hip. It feels familiar and Killua can’t tell if that is good or bad right now. Gon gently nibbles on Killua’s neck and his moans. The moan comes out as more of a whimper when Killua bit his bottom lip to keep the sound in. Killua feels a little dizzy so he grips Gon’s shoulders tightly. Gon grips Killua’s hip a little tighter and Killua squirms. Through the haze of arousal Killua can’t discern if it is from panic or excitement.

Gon pulls away from Killua’s neck to look at his face. Killua looks up at Gon almost desperate for him to keep going. He is slightly panicking but he wants to keep going. It is weird and a little overwhelming.

Gon gets that look he gets when he doesn’t want to push Killua. “We should get some rest Killua.”

“I’m okay.” Killua whispers stubbornly. “It’s okay.” Killua almost curses at his voice cracking.

“It’s okay Killua. This isn’t about you.” Gon pushes his hair back and Killua leans into the nice touch. “I’m not ready to keep going. I am too nervous.”

“Really?” Killua asks, looking into Gon’s eyes.

“Yep really.” He smiles gently as Killua.

Killua feels an odd sense of relief and disappointment. “Okay we can stop. You should go back to your room anyways.”

Gon wraps his arms around Killua’s waist and pulls him close to his chest. “But I wanna cuddle Killua.”

“You’re so embarrassing.” Killua grumbles. He cuddles up to Gon gratefully. He acts annoyed but he is actually really grateful. Gon knows Killua get nightmares and ever since that first one, if Gon is with him when Killua is about to sleep he holds him. Killua cuddles up to Gon feeling even more at peace as he falls asleep.

--

Kurapika stretches. He slept really good last night, after the boys went to sleep. They could hear the boys’ giggles and other various sounds but since they were only kissing Leorio and Kurapika decided to let them think they were getting away with something. He smells the eggs that Leorio is cooking outside. Kurapika sits up and stretches again. He decides to get see Leorio. He gets dressed in some hiking clothes because he knows the boys want to go hiking. Unfortunately, it is too cold to go swimming. He comes out of the room and peaks in on the boys. Gon is laying on his back with one hand behind his head and the other around Killua. Killua has his arm wrapped around Gon’s middle and his head laid on Gon’s large chest. Kurapika smiles fondly and pulls out his phone to take a picture of them. After that he heads out to see Leorio.

Leorio is in hunting clothes also and he is making eggs and bacon over the fire in the pan they brought. Kurapika comes up and wraps his arms around Leorio’s middle and buries his face in Leorio’s back because of their height difference.

Leorio turns around. “Hey Pika.” He feels Leorio wrap his arms around him. He pulls back and looks back to the food. “I’m making breakfast.”

“It smells fantastic.”

Gon comes out stretching. He is wearing hiking clothes. He looks well rested and energetic but Gon is always energetic.

“Hey Gon. Where is Killua?” Leorio asks as he is making plates for everybody.

“He is getting dressed inside.” Gon explains.

Killua comes out. He looks happy. Happier than Kurapika usually sees him. He knows this little vacation before the holidays was a great idea. They eat the breakfast Leorio made and then head out. The hike is fun, but it is a little long. Usually Leorio walks faster than everybody in the group because he is so tall but Kurapika has to help him up the trail as they hike because his long legs only add to his clumsiness. Leorio trips over yet another branch and Kurapika helps him regain his balance as Killua and Gon laugh at him.

“Yeah, keep laughing!” Leorio grumbles. “I’m gonna take all of your Christmas presents back.”

This just causes the boys to laugh harder. Kurapika covers his mouth to hide a laugh and Leorio looks at him betrayed.

“You too Pika?” He asks incredulously. “That’s it. All of the presents are going back.”

They laugh more as they finally make it to the clearing. It is beautiful. There is a large expanse of grass that leads to a lake. In the backdrop there are mountains. The taller mountain tops are still covered in the snow from last week. Kurapika looks over at Killua and his heart softens at Killua’s awed face.

“Wow this is amazing.” Killua hums.

“I told you it would be Killua.” Gon smiles happily.

They all take a few pictures of the surroundings and of each other. Kurapika sighs at how happy everybody is. Everything just feels so good right now. He almost wishes they didn’t have to go home. He knows once they do that reality is gonna come back and there are gonna be issues and complications but for now, he will just settle for spending time with his favorite people in the world right now.

“This is so beautiful. We should head back to the camp sight though.” Kurapika says.

“All the way back.” Leorio grumbles which get everybody to burst into laughter again.

--

“Killuaaaa! Get up!” Killua hears an enthusiastic voice call. He recognizes the idiot's voice. Alas it is his idiot, so he reluctantly opens his eyes. Gon is sitting on Killua’s bed, hair still messy from sleep, eyes bright and excited, and still dressed in the pajamas that Pika got them last night for Christmas eve. “It’s Christmas Killua.”

Killua sits up and yawns. Honestly, he isn’t too sure what to expect because he never celebrated it before. Gon halfway drags him out of bed and downstairs to the living room. Leorio, Pika, Abe, and Mito are downstairs. Pika told Killua that Gon, Mito, and Abe always spend Christmas over at their house because they don’t have much money and they are the closest thing that Gon’s family has to family. Everybody is still in their pjs and sitting on the couch and around the Christmas tree.

“Okay Gon and Killua pass the presents out.” Leorio says yawning. He is smiling but he looks tired. He had to work a twelve-hour shift yesterday. Killua follows Gon to the tree and sits by him. Gon picks up a present then hands it to Leorio. Killua grabs a present that has bright red wrapping paper, and he sees that there is a name written on it. It’s Pika’s so he hands it to him. Getting the gist, he helps Gon pass the rest of them out.

“That’s all of them.” Gon smiles.

Leorio smiles. “Okay we always do oldest first because everybody always wants to take pictures of the kids opening theirs at the ends. GO ahead Abe.”

Abe smiles softly. She has three gifts. Killua’s eyes light up as she opens them because he helped Leorio and Kurapika pick one out for her. She gets a necklace from Mito, a picture of her and Gon in a picture frame from Gon, and a sweater from Leorio, Pika, and Killua. Killua feels happiness soar through him when she loves the sweater. Who knew giving people gifts could feel so nice?

“Okay I’ll go” Mito smiles softly. She got another camera from Killua and Pika because hers broke, a flower bear from Gon, and her favorite cookies from Abe. “I love all of it. Thanks everybody.”

Leorio clears his throat. “Okay I am up.” He opens his gifts. He got a really expensive looking watch from Pika, a blazer from Mito, his favorite cookies from Abe, another first aid kit from Gon because he has been complaining about running low on them in the house, and a bottle of his favorite cologne from Killua. “These are all so great.” He looks at Killua and Killua feels his face heat up. “How did you know?”

Killua scratches the back of his head, blushing. “You were just um talking about running low, so I went to see which one you had, and I got more of it.”

“Thanks a lot, Killua.” Leorio smiles.

“God you’re just as embarrassing as Gon.” He grumbles. “Isn’t it Pika’s turn or something.”

Everybody laughs good heartedly as Killua’s flustered face. Pika smiles and runs his fingers through Killua’s hair fondly, getting Killua to smile.

“Okay my turn.” Pika got new school supplies from his class from Mito, a small rum cake from Abe, an engraved bracelet from Leorio (he didn’t read it out loud, but it made him tear up a little and kiss Leorio like crazy), a computer case from Gon, and a crystal heart with a photo of Leorio, Pika, and Killua in it from Killua. Unfortunately, Pika is still emotional from Leorio’s gift, so he pulls Killua into an almost bone crushing hug.

Killua feels his face heat up but he hugs Pika back feeling safe in his hold like always. Pika presses a kiss to Killua’s hair and pulls back.

“Thank you Killua.”

“No problem.” He smiles, still feeling a little embarrassed at all the attention.

“Okay Gon, your turn.” Leorio says as all the adults pull out their cameras to videotape. Gon smiles under the attention and starts to open their gifts ripping in the wrapping paper quickly. Gon got a new game for his game system from Leorio and Pika, some healthy walnut brownies from Abe (Gon’s healthy food choices are so weird), some new clothes from Mito, and fishing rod (to add to his abnormally large collection of fishing rods) from Killua. Gon’s face lights up and he thanks everybody for each gift.

“Okay Killua your turn.” Pika says as they turn the cameras towards him.

“My turn?” Killua asks too confused to even be embarrassed from all of them looking at him. All the adult’s faces fall a little, the face they always get when they remember what Killua has been through, and it makes the teenage more confused.

“Yeah kid. We got you gifts too. It’s Christmas and we love you.” Leorio says softly.

Killua was so caught up helping pass out gifts, watching everybody open theirs, and just being happy that he didn’t notice the pile of gifts next to him. He sees seven perfectly wrapped gifts sitting next to him and it’s almost too much. He feels a little lightheaded. They got them for him just because? Because they love him?

“These are all mine?” Killua asks again. He doesn’t want to upset anybody, but he wants to make sure.

“Yes sweetheart.” Kurapika’s soft voice assures. “Open them up.”

Killua picks up the first present. It’s from Mito. He opens it slowly, almost afraid to damage the gifts. He opens the box and there are some clothes. He looks up. “Thanks Aunt Mito. They are great.” She smiles gently and he puts the box to the side. He picks up the next gift and it’s from Abe. He opens it and it is a Tupperware of those double chocolate brownies he really liked that she made when he was over there. “Thanks so much Abe. These smell great.” Abe smiles gently at him. He picks up the next one. It’s a big one from Gon. When he opens it, it is a skateboard with really cool blue lightning grip tape. “This is awesome Gon! I love it.” He smiles at Gon whose amber eyes get impossibly brighter. The two he gets from Leorio are another game he really wanted for his system and a box of choco-robots. He can’t believe Leorio remembered. He smiles brightly. “Thanks, Leorio.” He then opens the two from Pika. One is six more boxes of choco-robots and the other one is stickers from Killua’s favorite anime to go on his grip tape. “This is awesome Pika. Thank you.”

“Pika I thought we said only one box of choco-robos.” Leorio chastises. The doctor in Leorio is rightfully stressed about the amount of sugar Killua consumes.

Pika scratches the back of his head. “I don’t know how those got there.”

Leorio grumbles but Killua can’t help but feel happy.

“Take your gifts upstairs Killua, we are gonna play some games.” Leorio says.

Killua carefully gathers his gifts and takes them upstairs. He gently sets them out on his bed and just looks at them, heart feeling heavy.

“You okay sweetheart?” Killua hears Kurapika ask from behind.

He nods then turns around and hugs Pika. “I just never…. Nobody’s ever…. Thanks Pika.”

Kurapika laughs softly and rubs Killua’s hair. “Of course. We love you sweetheart.”

“I love you guys too Pika.” Killua blurts out before he can get embarrassed because he really does. He loves everybody in this house.

“Oh Killua.” Kurapika says softly, voice full of emotion.

While sitting in Kurapika’s arms he thanks whoever is listening for allowing him to end up in such an amazing family.

--

Killua is laying on his bed almost asleep. It is December 31st and Kurapika, Leorio, and a couple of their friends are downstairs celebrating New Year’s Eve. Kurapika invited him but he is still recovering from Christmas. All the emotions, people, and kisses from Gon were fantastic but honestly a little exhausting. He hears a soft knock at his window and his entire body tenses up. He sits up quickly, but he relaxes when he sees that it is just Gon. He rushes and opens the window. Gon is sitting in the tree next to Killua’s window.

“What are you doing here Gon?”

He climbs into his window. “I wanted to see you. Plus, I wanted to kiss at midnight. I read that if you kiss at midnight that you would be together forever, so I snuck out and came over here.”

Killua can’t help but laugh. Of course, Gon would read something like that then sneak out at 11:45 and come across the neighborhood to climb through Killua’s window.

Gon laughs a little also then stops suddenly. Killua looks at him confused but Gon’s gaze isn’t at his face it is lower. His amber orbs are a mixture of angry, horrified, and sad. Killua looks down and notices that he isn’t wearing a shirt. He always wears a shirt around Gon because when you are close you can see the pale, slightly pink scars racing across his chest and back. Killua has almost no untouched skin in terms of scars and Killua knows he looks horrible but seeing Gon looking at him like that makes him feel even worse. He backs up.

“I know I’m ugly. Stop staring.” Killua grumbles out harshly covering up his panic and insecurity with anger.

That seems to snap Gon out of his trance because he looks remorseful which Gon almost never does. “You don’t look ugly Killua.”

“Yes, I do or else you wouldn’t have looked like that. Don’t lie.”

He feels Gon grab his wrist gently. “You’re not ugly Killua. I just never saw your scars before. I wasn’t staring because I think you are ugly. I was staring because I was so mad at who did that to you Killua.” Gon brings Killua’s scarred wrist up to his lips and kisses it softly. “You’re beautiful Killua. Killua is beautiful.” He kisses scar after scar on Killua’s arm until his arm is covered in kisses. Killua’s heart swells and Gon lays him on the bed. Gon starts at his waist and goes up Killua’s chest kissing all of the particularly bad scars. Killua bites his lip hard from the swirl of emotions. He is feeling loved but also horney from Gon’s lips brushing along his skin. He is also nervous with Gon hovering over him and all those things mixed together is making his stomach feel tight and twisted. Gon kisses a really bad scar on his upper shoulder then looks at Killua. Killua bites his lip again. Gon’s eyes are confusing. They are full of love and something else. It is kind of like that longing look he has seen on Gon but times a thousand. Gon’s hooded gaze is making Killua feel even warmer.

Gon leans down and kisses Killua roughly. It’s not bad but it is new. Killua kisses back enthusiastically. He loves kissing Gon, and he wants those small nervous feelings in the background to go away. When Killua opens his mouth to deepen the kiss Gon slides his tongue in greedily mapping out Killua’s mouth. Killua moans softly under Gon and Gon moans softly into the kiss. Gon must really be into it. Killua smiles and wraps his arms around his neck so he can slide his hands into Gon’s surprisingly soft hair. Killua almost jumps when he feels Gon’s hands run along his chest. Gon’s hands almost burn as he traces them down Killua’s chest. Oh, it feels so good. Gon makes sure to leave none of Killua’s chest untouched as he starts kissing his neck again. Killua moans again, his body feeling too warm. Gon comes back up and kisses him again. That nervous feeling is almost gone covered by the pleasure until Gon slides one of his hands into Killua’s hair and presses his body against his. Panic starts to take over as Killua feels Gon’s arousal pressed against his hip. He tries to look for words as Gon’s other hand slides down his chest and his fingertips dip below the loose waistband of his pajama bottoms.

Killua feels his heartbeat speed up. All of a sudden it isn’t Gon here anymore. He feels the unwanted arousal pressed into his hip and an unwanted hand sliding into his pajama pants and he panics.

“Get off!” He yells as he pushes and kicks the person above him as hard as he can away from him. A startled gasp is heard from whoever was on him as he is thrown backwards. Killua hears something hit his wooden table and the loud bang of something falling and breaking. He scrambles up on the bed and pulls his knees to his chest knowing they are gonna hit him for doing that. His body finally calms down enough to register Gon on the floor holding his head. The side of his head is bleeding from where he hit the desk and the mirror on top of the desk fell onto the floor, luckily not by Gon, and shattered. Fuck Fuck Fuck. He pushed Gon. Before he can react his door flies open.

“Killua are you okay?” A panicked Leorio asks followed by Kurapika. Killua watches as they take in the scene. Leorio rushes over to Gon who is groaning softly and puts pressure on the bleeding.

“Killua what happened?” Pika asks and it is scared, panicky, and almost angry. Killua fucked up. He hurt Gon and upset Kurapika and Leorio. It’s too much this time he really fucked up. Kurapika opens his mouth to say something else but Killua just runs. He needs to get out of here. He fucked up too bad he needs to go. He runs out of the house feeling tears slide down his face. He hears Pika calling him, but he keeps running. The street feels hard and rough under his bare feet. He runs and runs until he reaches the park that Gon took him to when he first moved here. More tears fall. God he is so stupid. He messed up so bad. They are probably so mad at him. He knows they are. He doesn’t know what to do or where to go. Somebody grabs his arm from behind and he swings around almost attacking the person but stopping mid-swing. Killua feels his stomach drop as he takes in the pale skin, long dark hair, and emotionless eyes. “Illu...Illumi.”

“I missed you Kil.”

Chapter Text

{To say Killua’s family is complicated would be an understatement. Living with them is all about knowing what you can and can’t do, how you can and can’t act, and around which members of the family. It was easier before he had met Ikalgo. Ikalgo made things both harder and easier at the same time. Ikalgo came to be a butler when Killua was ten. Ikalgo was twelve. He started by just coming to check on Killua after particularly bad beatings. He would help patch Killua up and try to tell silly jokes to make him feel better. At first Killua ignored him, pretty annoyed by the boy’s constant presence. Then they slowly became friends. Ikalgo would sneak off with Killua and they would play in the yard or in Killua’s room until it was time for them to do something else then they would sneak back. When Killua turned thirteen that's when he felt things start to change. He always enjoyed being around Ikalgo but now when he was around Killua blushed more and his stomach felt weird. Ikalgo was fifteen now and he touched Killua more. Nothing serious just like an arm touch here, or pushing Killua’s hair back, or picking him up which he did quite often. Killua came to look forward to them two hanging out more than ever. Everything was going better. Ikalgo and Killua spent time together almost every day and he made dealing with his family easier. Then it all went to shit.

Killua and Ikalgo were sitting on his bed in his room. They were quietly playing a game of UNO. Killua felt himself smirk as he laid down a draw four. “The color is blue.”

“Did you seriously hit me with a draw four?” Ikalgo asked, making sure to keep the teasing in his voice because Killua was always worried about upsetting people.

Killua stuck his tongue out. “Yep, and there is nothing you can do about it.”

Ikalgo pouted and playfully pinned Killua to the bed. “You’re so mean.” Ikalgo laughed and started tickling Killua. Killua laughed feeling giddy. Ikalgo smiled at him and Killua felt his stomach start to feel weird. Weird in the best way.

“Have you ever kissed anyone Killua?” He asked him.

Killua felt his cheeks heat up and he pushed at Ikalgo’s chest but not hard enough to hurt or push him off. “You know I haven’t.”

Ikalgo smiled again. “It’s easy I can show you.”

Killua felt his stomach lurch in excitement and nervousness. He nodded and Ikalgo leaned in to kiss him. They were so close that Killua could feel his breath on his face. Just before they could kiss the door opened. Ikalgo jumped away from Killua quickly and Killua felt pain shoot up his arm as somebody had grabbed him yanking him off of the bed. Killua’s eyes searched for who snatched him and it was his father. Silva’s blue eyes looked stormy in his anger. He let Killua go and Killua fell to the floor in a heap.

Silva stormed up to Ikalgo and gripped his arms. “What the hell were you doing on my son?”

Ikalgo’s face paled and he was looking anywhere but Silva’s face. “M... Master Silva I… I just…”

Killua saw Ikalgo’s scared face and was filled with a new sense of courage. He got up and looked at his father. “Dad, it wasn’t bad. I like Ikalgo.”

Silva turned his attention on Killua, and his glare was icy. Killua felt the courage drain from him and he withered a little under Silva’s gaze. Silva let Ikalgo go.

“Tsubone.” Silva called.

The huge woman came into the room. Her eyes flickered over to Killua and she looked almost sorry for him before she looked back at his father. “Master Silva?”

“Take ‘this’ back to the butler’s quarters and keep ‘it’ there until I get done.” He gritted out gesturing to Ikalgo. “I need to punish my son.”

Tsubone looked at Killua again, seeming to want to do something then her gaze turned to resolve, and she went to grab Ikalgo’s arm and led him out.

“Dad please don’t hurt Ikalgo. I like him. We weren’t doing anything bad. We were playing UNO and then he was gonna kiss me.” Killua pleaded. The more he spoke the angrier his father got, and he just didn’t want Ikalgo to get hurt because of him.

Silva came and grabbed Killua. “We are going to the basement.” He started to pull Killua out of the room. Panic surged in Killua because he knew what the basement.

“Pl... Please dad. What did I do wrong?” Killua pleaded, trying to fight against Silva’s grip. He didn’t understand. Tears fell down his cheeks as he struggled against his grip. Killua knew he wasn’t supposed to play with the butlers, but he did all of his stuff they asked him too. They were just playing UNO. Is kissing wrong? Killua didn’t think so because his dad kissed his mom all the time and his dad talked about him getting married when he was older. What did he do wrong?!

++

Silva threw Killua in the punishment room once they got to the basement. Killua closed his eyes right as Silva’s foot made contact with Killua’s stomach. Pain shot through his stomach and he coughed feeling his lunch threaten to come up. He felt another hard kick to the stomach and that time he did throw up. Killua opened his eyes and through the tears he saw Silva pull his belt out of the loops. Killua covered his face and tried to curl in a ball as Silva started to hit him with the belt. Silva’s strong arm made sure that every time the belt cracked down Killua felt it to his bones. Killua kept his face covered and his bit his lip desperately trying to not cry out. He knew that his family liked to hear it when he did so out of the little rebellion, he could muster he bit until he could taste blood in his mouth. He found himself desperately needing to find something to focus on. So Killua counted each hit in his head and bit his lip harder. Killua heard Silva let out a dissatisfied grunt and drop the belt. Killua felt his father’s hand grip his hair and yank him up. Killua moved his arms and opened his eyes.

++

“You shouldn’t try to kiss any boy Killua.”

“Wh... Why? I like Ikalgo.” Killua almost whispered. He didn’t want to anger his father more, but he wanted to know what he did wrong.

“You wanna like boys so bad you little brat?” Silva yelled and Killua covered his face preparing for another hit. Silva took a small breath.

“This doesn’t seem like an adequate punishment Kil.” Silva said. He let Killua go and Killua felt his knees dig into the hard basement floor again. Silva stormed out of the room and slammed the door. Killua crawled until he was in the corner of the room and pulled his legs up to his chest. When Killua would really mess up Silva would get his mom or Illumi. Silva never carried out the really bad punishments so he would get one of them to do it for him. Killua knew this was going to be bad.

Silva returned not too long after with Illumi in tow. Illumi looked over at Killua. Killua saw the slight pain in his eyes but his face didn’t change. Illumi had never really wanted to hurt Killua. He would take some hits for him and he would try to argue Killua’s punishments with their parents. And if Illumi did ever get really mad at his parents and lash out taking it out on Killua he would always apologize and make up for it. Illumi was a good big brother and him and Killua were close. Neither him nor Killua knew how much today would change all of that.

“What is going on?” Illumi asked their father, his voice monotonous as always.

“Killua was caught almost kissing a boy.” Silva said.

Killua caught the slight fear flash through Illumi’s eyes. Illumi cleared his throat. “What do you want me to do?” Illumi grabbed the belt off of the floor. Killua bit the inside of his cheek nervously.

“I want you to rape Killua.” Silva said icily.

Illumi dropped the belt and his entire face looked panicked. Killua didn’t know what that meant but he never saw Illumi panic. He felt panic rise in him too. “Wh…. What?” Illumi asked.

“I said rape Killua.” Silva replied.

Illumi turned towards their father. “I… I can’t! That’s…. That’s too far… I can’t….” Illumi’s words were stopped when Silva grabbed him roughly by the throat. Killua watched as Illumi desperately clawed at Silva’s big hand that was choking him.

“You are my son. You will do what I say when I say to.” Silva growled out. Illumi nodded and Silva let him go. He waited for Illumi to catch his breath then he gestured to Killua.

**

Once Illumi faced Killua he felt the fear come back tenfold. He didn’t want to see the punishment that Illumi called too far. He tried to scramble away but Illumi grabbed him. Killua kicked and swung at Illumi but Illumi just carried him to the table in the room. He laid Killua on the table roughly and Killua felt himself start to cry again as the pain shot through his head from hitting it on the cold metal of the table. Silva came to hold Killua while Illumi did something. Killua looked at Illumi and saw him unbuttoning his pants. Killua stilled his thrashing because he was confused. Illumi pulled his pants and boxers down. Killua was about to look away because he had never seen his brother naked before but Illumi turned around first. Killua saw Illumi’s hand moving back and forth but he couldn’t see what he was doing from this angle on his back. He heard Illumi’s voice catch then he turned around. Illumi’s dick was lifted now instead of hanging between his legs. Killua was still confused but it soon turned to panic when Silva let him go and Illumi grabbed his feet and pulled him down so that his legs hung off the table. Illumi started trying to force Killua’s pants off and Killua thrashed and kicked. He didn’t know what was going on, but he didn’t want to be undressed in front of them. It was embarrassing and the hits would hurt worse on bare skin. After a little struggling Illumi got them and his boxers off. Killua could feel the cold table under his butt. Illumi spread his legs and came closer. Killua squeezed his eyes closed, not wanting to see what Illumi was going to do. It had to be bad, but he dealt with pain before. He could do this.

The pain was unbearable. It felt like he was being ripped in two. It shot up his spine every time Illumi thrusted. His grip on Killua’s hips was painful and bruising. For a split second Killua couldn’t comprehend anything but the pain. God, it hurt, and it felt gross and wrong. He desperately fought off Illumi; he scratched and hit him until he smelled the blood under his fingertips. Each thrust scraped away at him until it didn’t. It was suddenly easier, sickeningly easier but still so painful.

“H... He ripped dad.” Illumi breathed out.

“I don’t care Illumi keep going.” Silva commanded. “This is what happens when you like boys Kil. This will be the punishment. Tell him Illumi.”

“This will ah…. teach you to like boys Kil.” Illumi said. His voice was breathy and rough.

Killua kept trying to fight him as he cried. He scratched him, bit him, hit him, and looked into his eyes and desperately pleaded for him to stop. Illumi was looking at the table right above Killua’s head. Killua saw the shift. He saw when Illumi started enjoying it. He saw right when it went from being Illumi doing as he was told to Illumi wanting to. He watched as Illumi’s face shifted, the pity and arousal leaving his eyes and being replaced with arousal and fascination. He felt Illumi’s thrust turn from robotic to more erratic and uncontrolled. It made Killua want to throw up. No matter how much he fought he can’t get Illumi to stop so, against his mind’s wishes, his body gives up. He felt himself go limp and his head turn to the side to look at the wall. The only movement Killua made was from Illumi’s thrusting. It was so wrong. He could deal with pain. He had a sad amount of experience with it, but this was worse. It was worse because it also felt good. As much as it hurt and Killua begged for it to stop it still felt good when Illumi accidentally brushed against a spot inside of him. His body betrayed him with these feelings as if he weren’t terrified and in agonizing pain. Killua couldn’t take it. He didn’t want to be there, and so he wasn’t. Killua felt himself detach from his body for the first time and the relief was almost immediate. It was okay. Illumi was still thrusting, and soft moans left Illumi’s lips, but it was okay. It wasn’t happening to him. As long as it wasn’t happening to him then it was okay. He relished in the feeling until he was abruptly snatched back to his body when he felt it fill with warm liquid. Illumi pulled out panting softly. Killua felt something drip out of him and he almost threw up again.

**

“Good job Illumi.” Silva said softly as Illumi pulled up his pants.

Killua didn’t move. He looked over at Illumi and saw marks raking down his face and arms from where Killua had fought him. Killua didn’t even remember fighting that hard.

Illumi was staring at him with a newfound fascination until Silva snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Let’s go Illumi. I will have one of the butlers come get him.” Silva left and Illumi looked him over one more time before he followed Silva out of the room. Killua didn’t know how long he laid there. A few minutes? A few hours? He wasn’t sure. The door opened and Tsubone opened the door. Killua can’t describe the look on her face as she took in the sight. She looked…… sad. Tsubone started to approach him and Killua panicked. He tried to get away from her, but he just ended up falling off of the table. The pain shot from between his legs and up his back paralyzing him.

“It’s okay Killua dear. I won’t hurt you.” She said in a soft voice that he never heard from her. She scooped him up in her arms and carried him to his room. Every move from her made the pain shoot up his back. Once they got to his room, he begged her to leave him alone. She looked apprehensive but she did. He slowly made his way to the bathroom in his bedroom. He looked in the mirror and felt his stomach lurch again. He had only a shirt on. His thighs had dried blood and dried white stuff on them. He was disgusting. He turned to the toilet as quick as he could and threw up again and again until only bile came out. The movements didn’t help with the pain. That night Killua stayed in the shower for an hour and a half scrubbing and scrubbing at his skin until it turned red from the abuse. He couldn’t even feel the hits from the belt or the bruising on his stomach from his father. He could only feel that pain. That disgusting pain.

--

It took a week for Killua to finally be able to move again without pain. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Illumi over him with that look on his face or he saw Silva watching him as he felt Illumi’s thrusts. He wanted to see Ikalgo because he desperately needed to be cheered up. He snuck to the butler’s quarters. Tsubone saw him right before he went in.

“Good to see you Killua dear. What did you need?”

“Is…. Is Ikalgo here?” Killua whispered. He didn’t want to be heard.

Her eyes looked sad. “Ikalgo is gone. Your father took care of him.”

Killua felt his stomach drop.

--

It has been a month. Killua doesn’t feel. The past month has been a blur of nightmares, punishments, and him being in his room. That is all Killua can remember. Ikalgo was gone. None of the other butlers would talk about him. It is almost as if he was never really there in the first place. Killua pulled the covers higher as he laid on his bed. He had the tv on because he had recently become afraid of the dark. He wasn’t even scared of the dark as a young child. It made him feel weak. Killua heard the door open and close. It was Illumi. They really haven’t talked since everything happened. Illumi used to come into Killua’s room at night and cuddle him. It was nice and Killua missed it. He thought that’s what Illumi was there for. Illumi came over and got into Killua’s bed. He pulled Killua close and Killua relaxed slightly. On those hard days Killua had always felt so safe in Illumi’s arms. Killua felt that maybe things hadn’t changed between them until he had felt Illumi’s hand slide under his pajama shorts.

“An…. Aniki?” Killua whispered. What did he do? He hadn’t even look in the direction of any of the male butlers since that night in the basement.

“Shh it’s okay Kil.” Illumi said hushed. It didn’t hurt but it made Killua feel gross. It didn’t hurt at all. That was somehow worse. Killua knew that he couldn’t get him off. He just didn’t want to be there anymore. So later when Illumi was on top of him again Killua slipped out of his body again. It was almost too easy to accept the weightlessness when it came.

“Ah you’re so good Kil.” Illumi grunted but that was okay. Killua wasn’t there.

--

Ever since that night in Killua’s bed Illumi visited him at least once a week. Killua always left his body for it but he wished that feeling would last forever because right when Illumi finished and left he got pulled back and it was all real. He felt the pain between his legs, the disgust with himself for finishing also, the anger and hatred for not fighting harder. It was too much. It was so bad some nights that Killua gripped his hair and screamed or cried into his pillow until he couldn’t talk anymore. Killua found that his best times were when he wasn’t in his own body. His mind desperately searched for a way to make it permanent and that was when Killua decided that he wouldn’t mind it if he died.

--

It was Killua’s fourteenth birthday. Kikyo got him a small cake and Illumi had put his arm possessively around Killua’s shoulders as he blew the candle out. For his birthday Illumi got a trip to the beach for a week. That meant that he would have Killua alone for a whole week in the family's beach home. Killua tried to beg Kikyo to let him stay home but his mom told him to be grateful for his brother’s kindness because nobody else got him anything.

It was the longest week of Killua’s life. When they had gotten back apparently Illumi hadn’t had enough because he told Killua that he would be in his room that night. Killua was pacing around his bedroom panicking. He couldn’t do it. After a full week he just couldn’t. He was at the snapping point. He hid one of the kitchen knives under his pillow and waited for Illumi to sneak in his room. Later that night when Illumi snuck in and got on top of him he tried to fight him off for the first time since the very first time in the basement. Illumi pinned one of his hands down and started trying to pull his pajama pants down. Killua reached for the knife and stabbed out with it. Illumi groaned out in pain, the knife sticking out of his lower stomach. The surprised expression on Illumi’s usually expressionless face filled Killua with an unbelievable amount of satisfaction. Illumi groaned louder and fell off the bed.

“Dad!” Illumi yelled. Killua looked at Illumi bleeding and holding the knife that was still in his stomach. He felt bad but not bad enough to snuff out the satisfaction.

Silva busted in the room. He was still in pajamas and looked tired as if he just woke up as he took in the scene. He rushed over to Illumi holding the knife in his stomach so Illumi couldn’t take it out. “What happened?”

“I came in here to talk to Kil about the trip and he stabbed me.” Illumi gritted out.

“That’s not what…” Killua felt the sting spread across his face from the slap.

“Silence.” Silva said. “Tsubone!”

Tsubone rushed in still in uniform. “Master Silva?”

“Help me get Illumi to the doctor.” Silva said desperately. Killua and his brothers, mostly Killua, got hurt a lot at home, so they had a live-in doctor who they paid enough to not ask questions.

Once Silva got back, he drug Killua back down to the basement.

--

Killua spent two months in the basement for stabbing Illumi because that is how long it took him to recover. Everyday Silva came in to hang Killua by the chains and whip him. He had only ever been this severely punished four times in his life and yet he couldn’t bring himself to regret hurting Illumi. Sometimes it would be Kikyo who would come in and whip him also plus she would cut him sometimes. Other times it would be Milluki who would come in and whip him and put his cigarettes out on him. It got pretty bad towards the end of the first month because they only fed him one bowl of soup every three days. The hunger made him so weak and hungry that he was sure he was going to die in that basement. On the last day of his punishment Illumi came to punish him. He was so rough in his punishment that Killua couldn’t stand. His hips were bruised to all hell and the pain between his legs was unbearable. Illumi left but he accidentally left the door cracked. Killua needed to get out of here. Killua could barely walk but his fight or flight mixed with adrenaline had kicked in.

--

It was two months after his fourteenth birthday that Killua had run away from home. He felt a wave of strength as he practically flew up the basement stairs and into the living room. He rushed out of the house as fast as he could. The adrenaline was God sent and was literally the only reason he could walk. The rain was drenching his clothes and the wind whipped at him, but he couldn’t feel it. Once he got to the gates, he was stopped by Tsubone. Her rain-soaked butler uniform stuck to her muscular form. She looked at him. He doesn’t know how he looked but it had to be awful.

“Please.” Was all he said.

Tsubone stepped aside and opened the gates. Killua rushed out of the gates crying out a quick thank you. He ran and ran until he found himself in a small neighborhood. The rain made it impossible to see anything. He stopped to take a quick breath and tried to cross the street. Now that he was out of immediate danger the adrenaline wore off and Killua fell to the ground in the street. With the adrenaline wearing off Killua could finally feel the coldness from the rain seeping into his body. He shivered and curled into a ball and the wind blew stronger. A car turned the corner and it looked like Illumi’s silver Audi. Oh God please don’t let him see me. Just let him run me over. Killua internally begged but the car slowed to a stop. Tears fell down Killua’s cheeks as he prepared to be dragged back. Illumi didn’t step out of the car though. It was a lady with pale skin and long red hair. She was one of the most beautiful women Killua had ever seen. The rain made her hair stick to her face.

“Are you okay?” She asked. As she got closer, he saw her react to the condition he is in. He covered his face.

“It’s okay. I won’t hurt you. What’s your name?” She asked. Oh, her voice was so kind.

“K... Killua.”

“My name is Melody. It’s okay Killua you are safe now…. You’re safe.”}

--

Illumi leads Killua back to Pika and Leorio’s house. “Look at that Kil. You’re causing issues.”

Killua looks in the window to see what Illumi means. Kurapika and Leorio looked stressed, scared, and angry. They are arguing. Killua has seen them argue before but nothing like this. He can somewhat hear them out here.

“You said you would Leorio!” Kurapika yells.

“I haven’t had the chance. I work a lot okay!” Leorio yells back his face flushing red from anger.

“And look where that got us!”

“How the hell is this my fault! We should just be focusing on finding the kid.”

Killua feels his heart pang. Illumi is right. They are arguing about him. He tenses when he feels Illumi’s hand slide through his hair.

“Oh Kil. It’s okay. They will be okay, but you can see they would be better off without you. You don’t want to keep ruining their relationship. You belong with me Kil.” Illumi slides his hand to Killua’s waist and pulls him out of view of the window. Killua tenses and almost wants to throw up from the familiar feeling of his brother’s hands on him.

“Please Aniki…… What do you want?”

“Shh Shh Kil. You will find out because we will be seeing each other again soon.” Illumi says.

Killua tenses more as Illumi leans down and brushes his lips against Killua’s neck. It doesn’t feel like when Gon does it. When Gon does it Killua feels warm and good. All Killua can feel is ickiness and dread as Illumi brushes his lips against his neck.

“Oh, I missed you Kil.” Illumi hums as he pulls back. “You should get inside.”

Killua can’t help but watch as Illumi leaves. The hairs on the back of his neck stand up until Illumi is out of sight. He just wants to be held in Kurapika’s arms until the feeling of dread leaves. He can’t help but think about them arguing over him.

Killua prays he didn’t already ruin the best thing to ever happen to him.

Chapter Text

Kurapika pulls at his hair again. He knows this is going to be hard, but he has to do it. Leorio puts his hand on his arm, the previous argument already forgotten.

“I know Pika. I hope they don’t take him too, but we have to call so we can find him.”

Kurapika nods and grabs the home phone. He dials nine-one-one but before he can press call, he hears the door open. He looks and sees a rumpled Killua in the doorway. He has on his pajama pants haphazardly and his hair is ruffled. The look on his face is haunting. Kurapika can’t even hold himself back as he runs and pulls Killua into his chest. All the emotions hit him at once and he just wants to squeeze him tighter. He is just so glad to have him in his arms and he wants to erase what all happened to make him look like that. He just realizes what he did but thankfully Killua doesn’t tense up. He relaxes into his arms and hugs him back. Kurapika feels Leorio wrap his arms around both of them.

“Killua we were so worried.” Kurapika runs his fingers through Killua’s tangled white hair. “What’s the matter baby?”

He hears a choked sob from Killua that breaks his heart. Killua’s entire body racks with sobs.

“Did Gon hurt you? What happened?” Leorio asks a slight protective edge to his voice.

Killua pulls back slightly to look up at him with surprise. His sapphire orbs are wide and wet with tears. “N… No, he didn’t h… hurt me. You a... aren’t blaming me?”

Leorio’s eyebrows furrow. “Of course, not kid. Just tell us what happened.”

Killua looks between Kurapika and Leorio which makes Kurapika’s heart swell. “It’s just we w.... were kissing and he started touching m… me and then he tried to reach in my pants, and I freaked out. Then I hurt him.” Killua’s tears come in earnest now and Kurapika wipes them away as they fall. “I hurt Gon. I’m s…. So stupid. I hurt Gon.”

Kurapika pulls him back in hushing him as he runs his fingers through his hair again. “It’s okay baby. Just talk to me.”

Killua hiccups and buries his face back into Kurapika’s chest. “It’s Illumi. It was all Illumi.” It seems that now that he started, he can’t stop because the words seem to rush out of him. “It all started when I was thirteen….”

--

Kurapika is angry. As he holds Killua to his chest while his entire body is shaking with rage, that's the only thought that can come to mind. He wants to kill Illumi. Plain and simple. He looks at Killua. His beautiful, broken, sweetheart Killua and he want to kill him. He can’t get the details of Killua's past out of his mind nor can he rid himself of the look on Killua’s face as he told them everything. He feels so helpless, so he just pulls Killua tighter. He can’t help but wish that he could squeeze Killua tight enough and rid him of all his pain.

“I u... understand if you guys want to g…. get rid of me now.” Killua sobs.

Kurapika wants to reassure him but the anger is preventing him from even forming words.

“We aren’t ‘getting rid of you’ kid.” Leorio soothes.

“B… But didn’t you hear me. I am disgusting.” Killua whimpers.

Kurapika feels even more anger surge in him as pulls back so he can see his face. He cups the younger boy's cheeks and looks into his ocean blue orbs. “You are not disgusting. It is not your fault. None of it was your fault. You aren't going anywhere.” Kurapika says gently but firmly. “You are stuck with us.”

Killua hugs Kurapika tighter, shoving his face into his chest. Kurapika rubs his hair. Him and Leorio whisper soothing words for ten minutes to get him to calm down. Kurapika calms down too but only slightly.

Leorio sighs. “Killua, we have to take you to the hospital to get checked out.”

Kurapika’s heart clenches again as Killua’s eyes get wide and blown out. “No! I can’t we can’t.”

Kurapika rubs soothing circles on Killua’s back as Leorio talks. “Please kid. We need to make sure that you are okay.”

After about another fifty minutes of convincing they are all in the hospital waiting room. Killua is gripping onto Kurapika’s shirt tightly and Kurapika rubs gentle circles into his back.

“L... Leorio, do I have to see a SA Doctor?” Killua asks.

Kurapika can’t see the look Killua is making because he is facing Leorio, but it must be vulnerable because he sees Leorio’s entire face soften.

“While some hospitals do have SAFEs, our hospital is too small for that sort of thing. So, you will be seen by a regular doctor. Do you want to be seen by me or somebody else?” Leorio asks.

“C… Can you please?” Kurapika’s heart warms as Killua grips Leorio’s sleeve. He holds Killua a little tighter because he knows the boy is extremely nervous or else, he wouldn’t be acting so vulnerable without being embarrassed.

Leorio nods but Kurapika can see the slight hope that Killua would have chosen somebody else. Kurapika can tell it’s hard. He wouldn’t be able to check for all the damage if it were him in Leorio’s place, but Kurapika knows that Leorio loves Killua and would do anything to make him more comfortable.

“Let me go talk to the head physician for this shift so I can see you okay.” Leorio hums. Killua nods and Leorio gets up walking into one of the staff doors using the key fob he brought to open it. Kurapika sighs softly. He gently pushes Killua’s hair back.

He sees some choco-robos in the vending machine and smiles. “I’ll be right back.” He gets up then goes and buys four of them. He brings it back to Killua and the boy's eyes lighten up a little.

“Thanks Pika.”

--

None of the parenting/fostering courses Kurapika took could have prepared him for this. He hates to see Killua hurt and uncomfortable. He hates to not be able to fix it. He hates it all. Finally, the test is over. Kurapika is laying back on the hospital bed holding Killua to his chest. They finally got him to sleep after everything. That was the longest four hours of Kurapika’s life. Leorio warned them before that it was an invasive exam but that was horrible. Leorio comes in and he looks a little rough for wear.

“Okay Pika.” He takes in Killua’s sleeping form. “There is no DNA because it was so long ago. There is some physical evidence but let's not get into it now.” Leorio pulls his gloves off and rubs the back of his head. “I just want to go home and be with you two.”

Kurapika can’t help but think of how lucky he is to have Leorio. Later that day they are all lying in bed. Leorio is sleep stretched across the bed lightly snoring. Killua’s bottom half is laid across Leorio and the upper half is laying across Kurapika’s chest and Kurapika is cuddled up to Leorio in the crook of his neck. Kurapika pushes Killua’s hair back. He won’t let anybody else hurt Killua. Nobody fucks with Kurapika’s family. Kurapika falls asleep right after making that promise.

Chapter Text

Killua bites the inside of his cheek. He is standing outside of Gon’s house. He looks back at Leorio and the annoying old man puts his thumb up and shoos him to the door. Killua rolls his eyes and slowly makes his way up to the door. He knocks. Shit what is Killua going to say. He feels so damn bad. He looks off to the side and wonders if he should run. He can’t consider it long because Mito opens the door. She looks at Killua with a strange look. She looks slightly sad but there is also a hint of anger and disappointment. Killua withers under her gaze.

“Is um…” He clears his throat. “Is Gon home.”

She smiles slightly and Killua relaxes a little. “I’ll go get him.”

Killua fiddles nervously as he waits. If she is upset is Gon too? He bites the inside of his cheek. What if Gon doesn’t even want to see him? What if he wants to break up?

Killua’s thoughts are interrupted by a voice. “KILLUAAAAAA!”

He looks up just in time to see Gon wrap his arms around him. “Are you okay? You were gone and we couldn’t find you and I was so worried. Leorio and Kurapika said…”

“Stop Gon. I hurt you and you’re asking if I am okay. I am sorry. How is your head?” Killua pulls back and looks at Gon. The idiot has the audacity to look confused.

“It’s okay Killua. It was nothing. Next time just talk to me before you push me.” Gon shrugs.

“Gah, you really are an idiot aren’t you.” He gently hits Gon’s arm since he can’t hit him over the head. “I hurt you then ran away, and you just forgive me? You should be angry. You should not talk to me. I am dangerous and I make dumb decisions. You can’t just…”

Killua is abruptly interrupted by Gon’s slightly chapped lips presses against his. Killua gasps from surprise but Gon doesn’t deepen the kiss. He keeps it soft and sweet as he cups Killua’s cheek. Killua melts into the kiss and Gon pulls back.

“It’s okay Killua. I understand. I want to know what it was all about though.”

Killua bites the inside of his cheek. “I don’t know if I am ready to tell you.”

“That’s okay take your time.” Gon says softly. Killua can see that same burning curiosity in Gon’s eyes. The fact that he is holding it back for Killua makes his heart ache. Especially since Gon is usually one of those types to pry for information. Killua kisses his cheek then smiles.

“Want to hang out later? I have to go to my therapist right now that’s why Leorio is waiting in the car.’

Gon pushes Killua’s hair back and since he is so close Killua can smell the soft earthy sent on him. “Okay Killua.”

Killua smiles and goes and gets in the car. Leorio ruffles his hair as he drives off and Killua unconsciously leans into the soft touch. “I told you, kid. If you and Gon are going to be together for a while, then you are going to have plenty of fights. Relationships take patience, forgiveness, and understanding.”

“Yeah, Yeah, old man.” Killua grumbles but he is really grateful. “Hey, can I ask you something?” Killua rushes out before he can lose his nerve.

“What’s up kid.” Leorio asks sobering up a little because he can probably tell Killua is serious.

“Well, I am um… Well sometimes.” Killua clears his throat. He can trust Leorio and he sure as hell isn’t going to ask his doctor. “I really like kissing Gon. Like a lot. It makes me um… want to go farther with him. Like all the way. I think about it a lot, but when we are actually in the situation my stupid brain gets scared and I don’t want it. But I do. What does that mean? Is there something wrong with me?”

Leorio looks like he trying to process all the words Killua pushed out so fast. His face is a little red but other than that he remains his composure built up from being a doctor. “Actually, Killua it’s quiet normal for survivors of situations like yours. People who have been through SA, usually children or teenagers, tend experience more severe sexual desire. It doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you it is just your body and new hormones trying to cope with your trauma. So mentally you probably are not ready for something like sex even though your body is trying to trick you into believing you are. That’s why when your sex drive pushes you to get into those situations with Gon your brain, being not ready, it enters a self-defense of fight, flight, or freeze.”

Killua takes a second to process the words. He doesn’t like to be called a victim but outside of that it all makes a lot of sense. He always really really wants Gon until it is time to actually go further and if almost all the people who have been through it also feel these things too than that means that Killua isn’t a freak. “What should I do Leorio?”

Leorio sighs softly but smiles at him gently. “Just don’t push yourself. It is good to take time. If you try to push yourself more, you can end up scaring yourself more. There is nothing wrong with giving your body the time it needs to heal. I would figure out what your boundaries are and then talk to Gon so that you guys never go past them. No matter how much you might think you want to. Then you will allow yourself time to heal and also give you time to build up pleasant experiences with you and Gon. It will be good for you.”

Killua nods. “That sounds.... manageable.”

“Well good kid. If you have any other questions, I am here. By the way, I am defiantly not complaining but why did you ask me and not Kurapika? Don’t you like him more?” Leorio asks. His voice is joking but Killua can hear some of the truth there. He really feels that way.

Killua blushes a little. “I like you both the same Leorio. I was a little scared of you at first because you are so tall or whatever.” He clears his throat at the admission. “But I l…love you guys or whatever. And I can’t ask Kurapika about this kind of stuff. Are you crazy?” Killua thinks about asking Kurapika bout sex and he cringes again. It would be like going to Leorio about a nightmare.

Leorio laughs softly but Killua can tell he is happy. “I understand. I love you too kid.”

Killua smiles as they pull up to the therapy appointment. “Thanks, Leorio.”

“Of course, kid.”

Killua can’t help but to think about how lucky he is to have Leorio and Kurapika. The happiness is immediately dimmed by the stress of what Illumi is planning. He doesn’t want to worry Leorio though, so he smiles and gets out of the car.

--

Leorio walks into the house to find Kurapika staring at the tv although there is nothing on. Leorio bites his lip nervously. Kurapika has been really on edge these past couple of days ever since they found out everything about Killua’s past. Leorio has been really pissed off also if he is being honest. He thought that maybe being a doctor would help him come to terms with it more easily like before with the abuse. But things are different now. Before Killua was just a poor kid that left a horrible situation like the ones that he knew at the hospital. But Leorio can barely control his feelings now, it’s so different finding out that these horrible, awful things happened to a child that you love so much that he could be your own.

Leorio comes up and slides his hands down Kurapika’s shoulders to his upper arms to try to calm him a little. He leans down and presses a kiss into his lover’s blonde hair. “You okay Pika?”

Leorio feels Kurapika relax a little under his hands. “Yes, I am okay. Melody will be calling in a second to talk about the case. I don’t want to tell her about Illumi yet. We can do that on Monday with Killua. I just don’t want to tell her without his permission.”

“That’s true. The kid has already had too many things decided for him.” Leorio comes around the couch to sit by Kurapika. Kurapika is sitting up rigidly straight. Leorio doesn’t want him to slip into that same state of loneliness that he sometimes does when he is really upset.

Leorio tugs him a little closer. “Remember Pika. I’m right here.” Leorio tugs him a couple of more times before Kurapika leans heavily against Leorio allowing himself to be held in his arms. They sit like that taking comfort in each other for what seems like forever until Kurapika’s phone rings.

Kurapika picks it up and answers putting it on speaker. “Hello Melody.”

“Hi Kurapika. Is Leorio with you?” Her soft voice asks through the phone.

“Yes, he is right here.”

“Okay well court is Wednesday at 9am. We need you all there by 8am. Killua has told me that he is okay with testifying but he might get scared and start acting out a couple days before because of it. Keep that in mind. Silva, Kikyo, Illumi, and Milluki will be there.” Leorio feels Kurapika tense from the mention of Illumi’s name. Leorio grips his fist as well. “I will tell you guys more on Monday when I come over. Be sure to have a talk with Killua about what to expect. His parents’ lawyer may ask some upsetting questions.”

“Okay Melody. Thanks for everything.” Kurapika says then hangs up quickly. Hopefully, Melody wasn’t talking. Kurapika sighs softly.

Leorio sighs also. “Let’s have dinner babe. A romantic dinner just the two of us.”

“I can’t even think about something like that right now.”

“Yes, you can, and you will. We both need a little break, or we will go crazy and if we go crazy, we can’t be much help for Killua.” Leorio gets up.

Kurapika looks up at him with that look that he gives him when he knows Leorio has a really good point, but he is looking for a counter argument anyways. Leorio laughs softly at the slight frustration on his face when he can’t think of one.

“I’ll cook us dinner.” Leorio says which causes a smile to finally cross Kurapika’s face.

“You’re... gonna cook.” He asks amused following Leorio to the kitchen.

“Yep.” Leorio laughs and pulls out some food.

Apparently Kurapika had a point. Leorio cannot cook. That is why an hour and an almost burned down kitchen later they are sitting at the table with candles and takeout food on it. Kurapika is still occasionally laughing like Leorio almost burning down their place of residence is the funniest thing in the world. Leorio smiles softly as they eat.

“It’s your turn to ask a question if you can stop laughing first.” Leorio grumbles with fake grumpiness but his smile betrays it.

“Okay okay I’ll stop.” Kurapika says around giggles. “What place in time would you want to go to?”

Leorio knows the answer in a heartbeat. “A year into the future.”

“Why?” Kurapika asks smiling.

“Well, it will be perfect. We will be married finally. Killua will be adopted and our sone with all of his crazy family behind bars. We will all live happily. You, me, our son Killua, and his crazy boyfriend Gon. It will be perfect.”

Kurapika’s smile fades and his face looks sweet and emotional. He crosses the table to kiss Leorio. Leorio responds happily holding onto Kurapika like his life depends on it.

Leorio picks Kurapika and takes him upstairs. On the bed they indulge in each other. It isn’t rushed or frantic. They take their time relishing in the fact that they are both here and okay. Passing on the reassurance that they are together in this. And when they finally reach their peaks, they are holding hands.

--

Killua steps out of Ms. Story’s office feeling pretty good. She has been helping him get ready to testify. Hisoka is standing outside of his car leaning against it. Killua rolls his eyes as Hisoka pushes his hair back causing some girls walking by to giggle and scamper off.

“Hi Hisoka.”

Hisoka looks at him and Killua sees a hint of regret in his eyes but before he can ask Hisoka smiles. It is the show smile he uses for people he doesn’t know well not the fond smile he will sometimes let slip with Killua. Killua doesn’t like it. “Hey Kitten. We should get going.” Hisoka gets in the car and Killua reluctantly gets in also. He wants to ask but Hisoka starts chattering about meaningless topics like normal and Killua thinks maybe he imagined the whole thing. He is still a little on edge after his talk with Illumi. They pull up to Hisoka’s apartment building. They head upstairs to the highest floor where Hisoka’s penthouse is. Killua is still feeling a little on edge for some reason so he walks closer to Hisoka. Hisoka opens the door, and they walk in.

“Hello Kil.”

Killua feels his heart jump into his throat. Illumi is sitting on the couch looking at him like he isn’t one of the main characters of Killua’s nightmares. He is really here, right? He looks up at Hisoka to find him watching his face carefully then he looks at the couch. So Hisoka sees him. He is really here.

“I’m sorry.” He barely hears Hisoka say. His body is falling. His ears sound like he is drowning in water and this throat feels the same. He can’t catch a breath and his throat burns. So do his eyes. Black starts to dance around Killua’s vision.

“Are you okay Kitten?” Is all he hears before everything goes black.

--

Killua wakes up to a white ceiling. It is smooth not like the popcorn ceiling in his room at Kurapika and Leorio’s house. That’s because it is Hisoka’s house. Killua sits up and notices he is in the huge living room on Hisoka’s blood red couch. He rubs his head and looks around. When he turns, he is face to face with Illumi. Killua backs up to the back of the couch.

“Aniki what are you doing here?”

A creepy smile turns up the corners of Illumi’s mouth. “I wanted to see you Kil.”

“Where is Hisoka?”

“He stepped out to the store a little bit ago. He is really worried about you. I have to commend you Kil. Hisoka doesn’t care about much, but he seems to really care for you.” Illumi says offhandedly tilting his head to convey his confusion.

“Why…… Why can’t you just leave me alone.” Killua pulls his knees up to his chest.

“Because I love you Kil. I want you to come live with me.” Illumi ruffles his hair and Killua moves back. “Don’t act like that Kil. It’s been so long.”

Illumi grips Killua’s hair and snatches him towards him.

“No Illu-nii stop it.” Killua tries to push Illumi’s hand off.

Illumi pushes him to the floor in front of the couch and Killua can’t focus on anything but Illumi fumbling with his pants. Before anything can happen, they hear the door open. Killua’s eyes shoot to the door and he sees Hisoka holding some grocery bags. Hisoka’s yellow-ish eyes get wide as he takes in the scene.

“Let him go Illumi.” Hisoka says his voice more serious then Killua has ever heard it.

“Calm down Hisoka. You are on my side. Remember that.” Illumi says coldly.

Killua watches as Hisoka’s eyes trail down Illumi, and he sees his unbuttoned pants. Killua watches the realization set in Hisoka’s eyes followed up burning anger. Killua has never seen Hisoka truly angry before nor this serious. Hisoka storms over to them causing Illumi to release Killua and stand up. Killua looks up to find Hisoka stepping in front of him protectively.

“I don’t care Illumi. This wasn’t part of the agreement.” Hisoka spits out. “I don’t care what we arrange but you will not hurt him, and you will definitely not do ‘that’…” He gestures to Illumi’s unbuttoned pants with disgust. “...in this apartment or anywhere while I’m around.”

Illumi looks Hisoka over like he wants to kill him. Killua flinches when Illumi’s eyes flick to him but then he turns and storms out of the apartment slamming the door so hard that it shakes the wall.

Hisoka turns around and kneels down to Killua. “Are you okay Killua?”

Killua just throws himself into Hisoka’s arms. “Why… Why did you let him in here?”

“He is blackmailing me…. I didn’t know he….” Hisoka sighs and pulls Killua closer trying to regain his composure. Killua can tell when Hisoka does because he is back to his calm and sort of playful self. “It’s okay Kitten. I’m on your side.”

Killua sighs into his chest and finally relaxes.

Chapter Text

Killua laughs as Leorio coughs slightly choking. He shouldn’t have lost the bet. Leorio glares at him with watery eyes and a mouth full of marshmallows and Killua can’t help but to laugh harder. Killua hears the door open and Leorio runs to the trash and spits out the marshmallows in fear of being caught by Kurapika which just makes Killua laugh harder. Kurapika comes in and looks at the two of them suspiciously.

“What are you guys doing?” The blonde asks seemingly innocent.

Killua smiles. “Trying to have some fun before Melody gets here.” Which isn’t exactly a lie. Kurapika smiles softly. Killua feels his phone vibrate and jumps. Illumi has been blowing his phone up recently.

710-284-7483: Remember I will kill them.
710-284-7483: Shh Kil.

Killua feels his stomach cramp up as he turns the phone off. He looks up at Kurapika and Leorio. Kurapika is brushing his fingers through his hair as Leorio looks at him as though Kurapika is his only reason for living. Killua is gonna miss them.

Kurapika looks over at Killua. “I’m glad that you are in a good mood. We actually have to talk to you about something.”

Killua knows this is serious because Leorio’s smile falls and Kurapika is using his tone that he gets when he wants to ease Killua into something. “What is it?”

Leorio clears his throat. “We need to tell Melody about Illumi.”

Killua feels his stomach sink and his breakfast threatens to make a reappearance. “Hell no. I can’t. I won’t.” Killua spits out. He rarely cusses at them, but he can’t find it in himself to censor right now.

Kurapika and Leorio look at each other but they don’t look surprised but Killua’s response. “Baby we have to. We are mandatory reporters as your fosters, plus we want to put him away.” Kurapika says soothingly.

Killua pushes away from the table and starts pacing the kitchen. “No! I will not tell her anything about Illumi! I can’t. Mandatory reporters my ass.”

Leorio sighs standing up. “Killua it will be okay.”

“No, it won’t!” Killua paces so fast he almost gets dizzy. All he picture is Illumi’s text message. They don’t know. He is crazy. He would. I mean hell have they even heard of his parents. “I will deny everything.” He says abruptly facing them. Their faces look shocked, almost hurt, but he can’t focus on that right now. “I will say I lied.”

“What about the evidence?” Kurapika asks softly after recovering his composure.

“Fine fine I’ll say it was my dad.” Killua says panicked.

“Killua. Stop. We can put your brother away for good.” Leorio says.

“I don’t want him to hurt you.” Killua whimpers. Damn it all the things that aren’t supposed to come out always does with these two. “He would. He is crazy.” He won’t mention the messages. He can’t.

Kurapika come over and pulls him into a hug. Killua feels his muscles relax instantly. “Oh baby. Don’t worry about that. Let us protect you okay.”

Killua feels a small flicker of hope. He knows that is dangerous, but he can’t help but to grab onto the hope and believe in Kurapika and Leorio.

“Okay…… Do I have to tell her all the details?” Killua asks gripping Kurapika’s shirt.

“Not at all honey.” Kurapika says rubbing his hair. Killua will obviously never tell him, but he likes all the names Kurapika calls him.

They hear a knock at the door and Killua feels his muscles tense up again. They all head to the living room and Killua sits on the couch and pulls his knees up to his chest as Kurapika opens the door. Melody smiles as she comes in.

“Hey Killua. It feels like it has been so long.” She says sweetly.

He smiles softly back. “Yeah, that’s true.”

“I brought your attorney.” Melody says. “She is right out…”

“Actually, before you bring her in, we need to talk to you privately.” Leorio says softly.
Melody nods. Killua finds himself tuning the conversation out as they tell Melody. He looks up and she is giving him a pitying look, and he has to look back the coffee table.

“Okay I will get this reported as soon as possible.” She says and Killua looks up again. “Let me get your attorney in so we can talk about Wednesday.”

Melody leaves and Kurapika comes over to grab Killua’s hand. Killua feels his muscles relax minutely. As he prepares for her to come in, he vaguely wonders if it is possible to die from being too overwhelmed. Melody comes back in followed by an extremely muscular lady. She is blonde with bright pink contacts. This woman is terrifying. Maybe Killua’s parents’ lawyer will give up the case to avoid being eaten by her. She smiles and it is almost sweet which doesn’t fit the rest of her features.

“Hi I am Biscuit. You can call me Bisky. I’ll be your attorney.”

Killua looks at her. “You gotta be kidding.”

Her eyebrows pinch together, and she bends down to his level. “You heard me.” She spits out.

Killua can almost hear the implied brat at the end of that sentence. He feels his jaw tic as he opens his mouth about to say something else, but he feels Kurapika squeeze his hand softly and he shuts it.

“Okay so basically Wednesday will be the day for your parents to testify and get asked questions okay. The day after will be your day to testify. And the last day will be the day to present evidence and everything else as a last-minute claim before the jury decides, okay?” Bisky rattles off. Killua nods feeling even more overwhelmed. “Wednesday you will go to the court room and sit with Kurapika and Leorio on your side. All you have to do is sit there kid.”

Killua nods. The prospect of seeing his parents again makes him nauseous. After a little more debriefing Melody and Bisky leave. He has to see his parents again. Then he has to tell everybody about the abuse and after all of that they may not even send them to jail.

God how is Killua gonna do this?

--

Killua hears Gon’s three knocks on the door and rolls his eyes. He hears Kurapika open the door and invite him in. It is Tuesday night so Kurapika and Leorio said Gon could come over and stay the night for emotional support as long as he slept in the living room. Killua feels his phone vibrate.

710-284-7483: Good luck tomorrow Kil.

Killua shudders and turns his phone off completely. He doesn’t need that right now. He puts his phone down then grabs the popcorn out of the microwave. He pours it into a big bowl and goes to the living room. Gon and Kurapika are sitting on the couch. Leorio wanted to do the movie night with them but since he took tomorrow off, he had to work tonight. Killua smiles and gets on the couch with them. After lots and lots of debating they are watching Home Alone. Killua finds himself enjoying the movie but how is this kid not able to pack a suitcase, but he can set up an entire house of horrors and booby traps. Plus, Killua is pretty sure this kid is a sociopath, but the movie is funny, nonetheless. After two more movies Kurapika yawns and stretches. He gets up.

“I am gonna turn in. Don’t stay up too late and Killua sleep in your room, Gon sleep on the couch.” He gives them a stern look then heads upstairs. They finish another movie but this time while cuddling on the couch. Killua feels himself yawn. Gon laughs a little.

“You should get some sleep if you are tired.” Gon says, pushing Killua’s hair back. Killua leans into the touch smiling.

“M’ not tired.” He mumbles out stifling another yawn.

Gon smiles fondly. “I know but you still should.”

Killua looks up at Gon. It has been a while since they have been this close and Killua misses it. He misses how safe he feels and what it feels like to have Gon’s amber eyes trained only on him. He misses his lips. Speaking of Killua finds his gaze traveling to Gon’s slightly chapped lips. They are moving so he must be talking. Killua hums in response because he knows he should be listening. Killua leans in and presses his lips against Gon’s. A surprised gasp escapes Gon’s lips but he kisses back readily. Oh, it is just as good as the first time. When they both need air Gon pulls back laughing.

“You know it is rude to not only not listen to somebody but to interrupt them mid-sentence kiss or no kiss.” He says playfully.

“Sorry.” Killua says although he isn’t in the slightest.

“No, you’re not.” Gon laughs as he leans in again. He brushes his lips against Killua’s and Killua gasps. Just as he is about to press harder into the kiss, he remembers Leorio’s words. I guess right now is as good a time as any. He pulls back.

“Um Gon?”

“Yeah?” Gon pulls back looking at him. Killua bites his lip then he sits up out of Gon’s arms so he can concentrate. Gon sits up with him.

“I um…. I am not ready for um…. sex or anything.” Killua forces out. Gon’s face looks a little shocked at the turn in conversation but before it can turn to anger Killua pushes on. “I’m sorry I am just not ready for that. I really like kissing and some of the other stuff. There is just not a lot I am ready for and if that is a prob…”

“Okay.”

Killua looks at Gon, his heart jumping in sudden hope and surprise. He didn’t think he would be so okay with this. He just knew he would get mad. “What?”

“Okay.” Gon smiles simply. “You’re not ready for sex. Cool. We won’t have sex.”

Killua feels his eyes well up with tears and he hugs Gon tightly. “Really? That’s it?”

Killua feels Gon’s arms wrap around him. “Of course. I would never push you into anything. Plus, I’m not just dating you to have sex with you. I mean not saying I don’t want to, but I just want you Killua and if you want to wait then we can. There is no rush anyways.” Killua feels his heartbeat faster and his stomach fills with this warmth that he can’t quite explain. He really likes Gon. No, that's not right. It’s stronger than that. He might even…… No, that's charting into unexplored waters. Killua pulls back once he feels the tears stop.

“What are your boundaries babe?” Gon asks.

Killua feels himself flush from the pet name. “I am okay with kissing, the neck kisses were not bad, I liked you rubbing my chest, but no further than that. And please don’t grab my hips.”

Gon nods along seemingly making mental notes. “Okay cool. Also, Killua?”

Killua focuses because Gon sounded serious. “Yes?”

He rubs Killua’s arms soothingly. Killua slightly shivers as he feels Gon’s callused hands rub down his arms. “I want you to know that even with these boundaries you can stop at any time. Like say we are kissing, even though you said it was okay, if at any time you want to stop just tell me. We will stop.”

“Really?” Killua asks softly.

Gon smiles but his eyes are still serious and sincere. “Of course. You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. If I said stop you would stop immediately, wouldn’t you?” Killua nods. “See. So would I because your feelings and worries are my priority also. How is my consent any more important than yours?”

Feeling his eyes well up with tears again Killua buries his face into Gon’s chest. That feeling of warmth burns more than before as Gon wraps his arms back around Killua. Maybe he does love Gon. Just a little.

--

Kurapika tightens Killua’s tie for the third time because his hands are admittedly shaking a little. Killua looks just as nervous as he feels. He just hopes it all goes well today. By well Kurapika just hopes it doesn’t push Killua back emotionally. He finally secures the tie then rubs Killua’s head.

“You okay?” Kurapika asks grateful that his voice didn’t waver.

“Mhm.” Killua hums out. All of Killua’s responses have been one or two worded this morning but nobody can really blame him for that.

“I’ll be right by you the whole time okay. Me and Leorio.” Kurapika says soothingly. He knows he has to be strong for Killua but honestly Kurapika doesn’t know if he is prepared to see them either. Two of the main people who caused Killua pain.

“I know.” Killua says. He lets out a shaky breath and gives Kurapika a weak smile that tugs at his heart. “Thanks.”

Kurapika hugs Killua tightly wishing for about the millionth time since he met him that he could take all of it away from him. “Okay let’s go.”

Kurapika, Leorio, and Killua all pile up in the car. Gon went home earlier that day to get dressed and him and Mito are meeting them there. Kurapika taps his thigh as Leorio drives. Just as he can feel himself getting sucked into his thoughts, he is pulled back by feeling Leorio’s free hand slide into his. Kurapika squeezes Leorio’s hand to show his appreciation. The drive to the courthouse short and before long they are parking the car. Kurapika turns to look at Killua. He is paler than usual and that is saying something.

“Hey Killua?” Killua seems to snap out of his reverie and looks at Kurapika. “You ready?”

Killua nods and Kurapika fills his heart swell with pride at how brave he is. He just wishes he didn’t have to be. Kurapika gets out the car and leads Killua inside once he gets out. They look like a united front coming into the court room. Kurapika with his arm around Killua’s shoulders, Killua in the middle gripping Leorio’s shirt in a way he thinks that nobody can see and, Leorio standing tall helping lead them to the front. The judge looks at Killua and smiles gently. She is an older woman with bright gray hair. It is a small town, so Kurapika has seen her before. She has a great granddaughter in his class. They all cross the small barrier to the front and Kurapika watches as Leorio and Killua sit at the desk Killua is supposed to be at.

“Your Honor, I know Killua is the only one supposed to be up here but is it possible if we sit with him. He is a little nervous.” Kurapika asks.

She looks at Killua and Killua’s sapphire eyes are almost pleading with her. “Of course.” She smiles.

Kurapika sits down and sighs. He looks out at the jury, and he recognizes some of them but not all of them. He rubs Killua’s hair trying to relax him as more people file in. Kurapika hears Gon’s voice and Killua must have too because he relaxes more. Just as Kurapika got Killua to untense it all comes back tenfold. Kurapika looks for the source and off to the side is Silva and Kikyo in the flesh. They are unbelievably more intimidating than in their photos even in the jumpsuits and handcuffs. Kikyo has a slight frame, and her waist length black hair is disheveled. She looks nothing like Killua but for some reason she looks very familiar. The smooth porcelain skin, the onyx hair, and soft features…… she looks just like Gittarackur. Way to much for it to be a coincidence. Maybe that was Illumi. Killua had said that he was in town, and he had seen him a couple of times which is why they haven’t let Killua out of their sight. That man was at Kurapika’s job and Leorio said that he came to his job as well. He files that craziness for later, needing to stay in the here and now, and he turns to Silva.

He is tall and seems to tower over the policemen escorting him and his wife. His hair is bright white just like Killua’s. In fact, Killua and Silva could almost be twins. At least until Kurapika looks in his eyes. Silva’s eyes are hard and ruthless. Killua’s sapphire eyes are soft, shy, sometimes sad or mischievous. Hell even with anger stirring in Killua’s eyes they couldn’t come close to the piercing look in Silva’s. Silva looks Kurapika down and as much as Kurapika wants to get from under that gaze he refused to shrink in front of him. Kurapika glares back trying to put into one look all the anger and hate he feels for him. Silva smiles slightly and then flicks his eyes just to the right of Kurapika. Kurapika knows where he is looking because he feels Killua tremor and grip his shirt sleeve. Kurapika leans forward nonchalantly blocking off Silva’s view of Killua.

Soon everybody is seated, and they begin. Silva and Kikyo’s lawyer’s name is apparently Mr. Kiyama and he seems to be pretty good at his job. Bisky doesn’t seem nervous though. Kurapika almost looses track of the case because he keeps his focus between the jury and Killua. The jury seems intimidated by Kikyo and Silva, mostly Silva, and they keep sending looks of sadness and pity towards Killua. Kurapika can’t blame them because with his parents in the room Killua has practically folded in on himself hidden between Leorio and Kurapika softly shaking every now and then. Kurapika doesn’t know how Killua is going to do tomorrow when he has to testify. Kurapika rubs his hair softly, but he doesn’t even know if it is helping.

“I am calling Silva to the stand.” Mr. Kiyama says making Kurapika look up. Silva gets up and marches in front of their table to the stand as if he isn’t in handcuffs and sits down. He looks directly as Killua and Kurapika can’t shield him this time.

“Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth?”

“I do.” Silva says his deep voice ringing through the room. Kurapika feels Killua flinch at the sound and he pulls Killua against him. He feels Leorio come closer wrapping an arm around both of them, but he can’t even look at Leorio right now. All of his focus is on Silva’s stupid smug face.

“Okay Mr. Zoldyck how was your relationship with your son Killua?” Mr. Kiyama asks.

“It was normal as far as I could tell. We were closer when he was younger, but you know how kids are when they go through puberty. Especially young boys. Even through that though I perceived our relationship as normal.” Silva says. His voice is still deep and commanding but he has now grown a soft tone to it. His face is even softer but Kurapika can still see the hardness in his eyes. He can now see where Killua got his charming and admittedly not always truthful nature from. Kurapika just hopes everybody can see through his façade like he can.

“Okay. How did you discipline your son?”

Silva shrugs innocently and the action alone makes Kurapika want to hurt him. “Well, is depends. Sometimes I would occasionally use corporal punishment. Nothing that left bruises or anything of the sort. For the most part though we tried to just use grounding and things of that nature.”

That lying son of a bitch. Kurapika isn’t sure how much longer he can stay quiet about this.

“Okay. Can you tell me what happened the last day you saw Killua?” Mr. Kiyama asks.

“Well, he had gotten in trouble for getting in a fight with his older brother Illumi and I had told him he was grounded. Apparently, he didn’t want to wait out his punishment because he ran away from home. We thought he was in his room mad at us and sleeping so we didn’t notice him missing until the next morning. As we were looking around the house, we got a knock on the door. My wife rushed to open it thinking it was Killua, but it was the officers coming to arrest us. I am not sure what all he went through before he was found but the last time, I saw him he was perfectly healthy.”

Kurapika squeezes the chair he is sitting in so tight he is afraid he might actually break it. This asshole is really trying to say all that stuff happened to Killua after he went missing. After a few more questions he calls Kikyo up to the stand. He asks the same things and pretty much gets the same answers but with more tears. Kikyo wails as she recounts being so worried for Killua and Kurapika seethes with anger every time her eyes flash quickly to the jury to check if they are watching. The judge asks Bisky is she has any questions for them, and she says no. Finally, the judge says they will continue tomorrow and ends the court session. The officers lead those monsters out of the room and Kurapika stands up.

“You did so good Killua. Come on.” Kurapika rubs his shoulder. Killua stands up with Leorio. Killua wobbles a little and Leorio catches him. Kurapika feels his heart surge with worry. Leorio lifts Killua to his chest against Killua’s soft complaints and takes him out of the room. Kurapika follows quickly as Leorio leads them to a secluded part of the hallway. Leorio sits Killua down on one of the benches.

“It’s okay kid. You just need to breathe.” Leorio kneels in front of Killua.

"I can't" Killua gasps out.

"Sure you can kid." Kurapika rubs his hair as Leorio leads him through their favorite calming breathing exercise.

“Th…. Thanks, Leorio.” Killua gasps. He looks over at Kurapika. “Thanks.”

“Of course. You did so good Killua.” Kurapika reassures. “So good.”

--

Two hours later Killua finds himself sitting in front of Ms. Story. He hasn’t really said anything since he came in and it has been one of the quietest sessions they had in a long time. She said it was okay and pulled out her snack drawer so since then Killua has been sitting in the seat munching on some choco-robos which she has stocked just for him.

“It’s okay to be upset or sad after something like that Killua.”

He grumbles and throws the trash away getting out of his seat. He suddenly feels very restless so he starts pacing the small therapy room. “I’m not sad. I’m really pissed off.”

“That’s a normal reaction too. What are you pissed off at? Are you pissed of at how the case is going?”

“No.” Killua almost shouts but he tries to keep his voice down. “I’m pissed off at me.” Ms. Story doesn’t respond she just looks at him the way she does when she wants him to continue but she knows he is gathering his thoughts. “I am so pissed off at me because I sat there, and I fucking cowered the whole time. I was just so scared, and everybody knew it because I sat there hiding under Pika and Leorio.”

“Killua, It’s okay to be scared.” She says softly.

“I know that.” He grumbles his anger slowly dying out. He sits on the chair across from her and sighs. “I am just so fucking tired of being scared. I don’t want to be scared anymore.”

“That’s understandable. How do you think you can help that?”

Killua thinks. He hates when Ms. Story makes him come to these conclusions himself, but he is also grateful for her patience and for not treating him like a child. “I want them to go to jail. But not just go to jail, I want to be the one to put them in there. I want to get in front of them and not choke. I want to tell everything that happened and watch Silva’s big stupid face when he sees that I am not scared of him anymore.”

Ms. Story smiles approvingly. “That’s really good Killua. You just have to realize that as scary as Silva is he is just a person. He was a big part of your nightmares, but he is just a man. You said you feel brave with Kurapika and Leorio by you right?” Killua nods. “Well maybe when they are by you try looking at Silva. See him in handcuffs and see just how amazingly human he is. Then you can get up there and take your power back.”

“I can do that?”

“Of course, Killua. Your power is yours. Right now, your power only belongs to those who hurt you because you are scared. Once you take that power back him and Kikyo can’t control you anymore.” Ms. Story smiles and Killua feels his stomach warm with a sense of power. “Can I ask you something Killua?” He nods. “This is the first time you referred to Silva as Silva and not Father or Dad. Why do you think that it?”

Killua thinks. “Maybe I don’t exactly see them as my parents anymore. Like of course they are but… you know what I mean.”

She nods. “Who do you see as your parents?”

Killua thinks and the first thing that pops to mind is Kurapika and Leorio. Leorio is smiling his goofy all tooth smile and Kurapika is smiling his closed lip comforting smile. Killua flushes slightly and rubs the back of his head. “Maybe Pika and Leorio.”

“Do you think they know that?”

“I don’t know.” He grumbles. “I can’t say that to those two. It’s embarrassing.”

Ms. Story laughs softly. “Okay okay. Anything else you wanna talk about?”

Killua flushes even more but he finds himself smiling. “I talked to Gon about…. You know.”

Ms. Story nods in approval. “Good job how did that go?”

“He just said ‘okay’. He was just okay with it. Then we talked about boundaries, and he said that even if we were just kissing or something I could say stop and we would because my feelings are important. Can you believe that?!” Killua exclaims happily feeling all the warmth rush back from last night.

Ms. Story smiles. “That’s how it is supposed to be Killua. I’m so happy for you. Plus, I am proud that you got the courage to talk to him about it. You are taking you power back one badass move at a time.”

Killua feels his heart swell for making her proud plus her words. Killua knows he can do this. Tomorrow he is gonna take Silva’s power away once and for all.

Chapter Text

Leorio nudges the front door with his foot. He carries the last-minute things he got from the store for the breakfast Pika is making. Honestly, he isn’t sure he would have been able to get through all of this without him. Everyday Leorio is reminded just how much he can’t wait to be married to his sexy fiancé. He stumbles into the kitchen to find said sexy fiancé in a apron making the table. He presses a kiss to his blonde hair and sets the bags on the counter.

“I grabbed the salsa, orange juice, and choco-robos.”

Pika hums and slides his arms around Leorio’s neck. The taller man feels those small arms pull him down and he complies so he can press a kiss to his mouth this time. Leorio feels his muscles relax as Pika kisses him back slowly.

“Eww, we have to eat in this kitchen.” Leorio hears Killua complain playfully.

Leorio smiles pulling back to find Killua on Gon’s back. They are so cute but that doesn’t stop Leorio for getting Killua for interrupting their kiss. “Awe you guys are so cute.” He coos.

“Thanks.” Gon says as Killua’s whole face flushes bright red. Killua sputters indignantly as he scrambles off of Gon’s back. Leorio laughs and Killua sticks his tongue out at him like a little kid.

“This looks so good.” Gon praises as he reaches for one of the omelets Pika made. Pika is quick to smack the offending hand away. “Ow.” He whimpers making Leorio laugh again.

“Wash your hands.” The blonde lectures.

“Yeah, go wash your hands boys.”

The small man spins around looking at Leorio. “You too Leorio. You just came from outside.” Leorio hears the boys behind him laughing.

“Hey, I am a grown man.” Leorio grumbles.

Pika gives him a pointed look. Needless to say, ten minutes and three sets of washed hands later they are all sitting at the table eating. Leorio has to hand it to him the food is really good. Leorio tries to discreetly peak at Killua every so often to get a good read on his mental state. He seems fine but still. Today is a big day. Doing this he catches Gon’s hand rubbing against Killua’s lower back in a comforting way. Apparently, Pika noticed and what can Leorio say. They both like good naturedly teasing them.

“Hey Gon, you better watch where that hand goes.” Kurapika teases. Killua doesn’t react so at first Leorio doesn’t think that it will have the desired effect. That is until Gon speaks.

“Oh, don’t worry Pika. Killua and I are waiting for sex.” Gon says confidently.

Killua’s face flushes and he starts coughing choking on his water. Leorio goes to pat his back and tries to hold back his laugh as Killua glares at Gon with watery eyes and calls him an idiot between coughs.

--

Killua grips Leorio’s hand tighter as the three of them stand outside of the court room later that day. He keeps repeating to himself that he can take his power back in his head. He bites the inside of his cheek and looks over at Leorio. Maybe his brain is just desperately looking for distractions, but he notices that he doesn’t have to look up as far to see Leorio’s face. In fact, when he looks straight, he is looking at Leorio’s shoulder. He looks at Kurapika and finds that he is actually taller than the blonde man. When did he get taller? He has probably been so distracted with the craziness that is his life that he didn’t notice.

His mind is promptly pulled away from the welcome distraction as Leorio and Kurapika start walking inside slowly pulling him with them. He starts walking with them desperate to not be so scared. Right when they walk in Killua notices that they are bringing Silva and Kikyo in at that time. Killua desperately looks down not wanting to see his dad standing so close. All he can remember is Silva towering over him. {What the hell did I tell you about that Killua? Do you want to go to the basement?!} Killua is thankfully snatched from that train of thought when Leorio squeezes his hand encouragingly. He looks at Leorio noticing again that he isn’t that much shorter than him. Like a head shorter. Wait. Leorio is the same height as Silva… that’s why Killua was so scared of him when he moved in. If Killua is almost as tall as Leorio then he is almost as tall as Silva. Killua sighs and remembers Ms. Story’s words about him being a human. He slides his gaze across the floor looking at Silva’s shoes. He grips his parents…. He means Pika and Leorio’s hands gathering his strength and drags his gaze up slowly. He sees the handcuffs around his ankles and the bright orange jail outfit. He looks higher and sees pale hands big, but not as big as he remembers resting in handcuffs. Finally, he drags his gaze to Silva’s face. Silva is intimidating but…. he looks tired. His silver hair is ruffled and dry looking. He has bags under his eyes and his face looks even paler than usual. He looks…. human. And Killua was right, he isn’t that much shorter than him. He remembers yesterday Silva as towering over the officers but now it seems he is taller than them by like a foot maybe. That is so weird, but oh so comforting. He feels Leorio and Pika lead him to the table to sit and he finally drags his gaze away from Silva.

As they start court Killua runs through the very brief but helpful training that he went through with Bisky. He can do this. He can do this. He can do this.

“Killua?” A kind voice cuts through Killua’s thoughts, and he looks up. The judge is smiling at him gently and clearly it isn’t the first time somebody called him.

“Sorry.” Killua says biting the inside of his cheek.

“It’s okay. I need you to approach the witness stand Killua.” Bisky says. He nods and squeezes Pika and Leorio’s hands before he gets up letting them go. He grips his own fists tighter and bites the inside of his cheek as he makes his way up to the witness stand. He walks himself through the breathing exercises Leorio taught him as he sits down.

“Okay Killua do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?” Bisky asks him.

“I do.” Killua says and looks at Pika and Leorio. They look so confident in him, and it slowly unties the knots in his stomach.

“Okay Killua. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?”

“No.” Killua answers. He flicks his eyes to Silva to be met with his hardened glare. Killua immediately look back to Pika and Leorio. Leorio gives a small thumbs up and Pika smiles his no tooth smile that always calms him.

“Your father said that his punishments were the same as any other parents’ punishments. Is that true?”

Killua swallows the lump in his throat and grips his pants under the stand. “I used to think that it was normal but living with Leorio and Pika I learned that people don’t treat their kids that way.”

“Okay. What were the ways your parents usually punished you?”

Killua thinks. What did she mean? Like the ones they did the most? “What do you mean like the ones they did the most? Or the worst ones?”

“Just everything you can think of okay.”

Killua bites the inside of his cheek again. “Dad would um… well he would hit me with a belt. Sometimes he would kick me or punch me. He would also s… starve me.” Killua says. He sighs as his voice cracks on the last word. “But he wouldn’t do any of the really bad things. He would have mom or Il… Illumi do it.” Killua grits out. He looks at Silva to find his eyes blazing so he looks back down to the mahogany wood in front of him. “Mom would… she would whip me… or b…burn me.” Killua’s eyes look to the jury desperate for something to look at, but they are staring at him with pity some are even crying. He looks to Pika and Leorio, but they look horror struck and silent tears are sliding down Pika’s face. This is the first time they heard Killua admit to everything that happened and he can’t take it, so he looks back at the table. Why is this so hard? He told the doctors that day and every other time it was like Killua was stating facts or like things that happened just not to him. But it did. It’s real now. It happened to him and it isn’t fair! Ironically it feels so freeing finally letting it go. Like weights being pulled off of his shoulders. “She would also hang me from the ceiling or c…. cut me sometimes…. Or she would have Milluki put cigarettes out on me…. Illumi would usually do…. the same things mom did. But dad made Illumi…... he made him… he….” /You won’t say it. You have always been a coward./ Silva’s voice snaps in his mind.

Killua gasps for air desperately feeling his lungs shrivel up at the admission. He coughs and gasps as Bisky comes over helping him through the breaths. He licks his dry lips and finds them to be salty. Why are they… oh Killua is crying. When did that happen?

“It’s okay Killua. It’s okay. You are doing great.” Bisky encourages. “What did your father usually do when he asked others to punish you?”

Killua swallows. “He would watch.”

“Why did you run away that day Killua? What happened?”

“They had me l…. locked in the basement...” Killua stutters out then clears his throat. “They have done it before b…. but never for this long. I was in trouble for h…. hurting Illumi. Everyday somebody came in and punished me and… they would only let me eat once…. Or maybe twice a week…. I don’t remember that last time in the basement so well….” Killua wipes his eyes absentmindedly and swallows the lump in his throat. “Illumi came in too…... he….” /Say it! I dare you! / Silva’s voice yells. Killua drops that line of wording before he unintentionally calls on another panic attack. As he pushes past it he feels that particularly heavy weight settle onto his shoulders. /That’s what I thought. / “When he left, he didn’t shut the door all the way. Then I ran…. to be honest I don’t even remember how I got to the park. I could barley even walk. I fell and saw Melody’s car. She has the same car as Illumi, and I thought it was him. All I could remember is praying that they wouldn’t notice me…. praying that they would run me over…” Killua says softly remembering that day.

“Okay Killua.” Bisky says then turns to the judge. “No further questions your honor.” Bisky goes and sits by his table.

The judge slowly clears her throat. “Mr. Kiyama any questions for the witness?” She asks not fully able to clear the emotion from her voice.

“Yes, your honor.” He says standing up. Killua finally wipes the tears mostly away as the man comes over. Immediately Killua doesn’t like him. He is greasy looking.

“So Killua. You said before you ran away you were locked in a basement, correct?”

“Yes...” Killua answers confused by the line of questioning.

“How long were you locked down there?”

“Two months.” Killua says. Mr. Kiyama looks at him doubtfully. It was two months right. “Or maybe three… no no it was two.” Killua blurts feeling nervous.

“Are you not sure? If it were traumatic as you described, it then you would remember how long right?”

“I am sure I just don’t…. it wasn’t…. I don’t remember a lot of it. I was so hungry but I…. it was two months.”

“If you can’t remember it then how do we know that your memory is reliable? What if you are confused? Are you sure those traumatic things didn’t happen before you were found after you ran away?”

“No!” Killua exclaims getting frustrated. “I wasn’t gone for that long. They found be the same night.”

Mr. Kiyama opens his mouth to say something, but Bisky stands up.

“Objection. Your Honor he is badgering my witness.”

The judge nods. “Rephrase your line of questioning Mr. Kiyama.”

“How do we know that you are being truthful Killua? Often times when children lie they can’t look people in the eyes. You haven’t looked at anybody since you started.”

Killua looks up at Mr. Kiyama. He gets the man is doing his job but he is really pissing Killua off. Why would he lie about something like this? “I’m not lying.”

“You asked Bisky what she meant by abuse. I think you are just confused Killua.”

Killua grips his fists. “I just meant… I didn’t…” He takes a deep breath. “I didn’t know if she wanted me to tell the worst things they ever did to me.”

“What was the ‘worst’ thing Killua.” Mr. Kiyama asks in the most mocking tone he can without getting in trouble by the judge again.

“The worst thing my mother ever did to me was bur…burn the skin off bottom of my feet.” Killua winces as he spits it out.

“What’s the worst thing your father ever did to you?”

“He made….” The words get caught in his throat forming a huge lump. /What’s the matter Kil. Just say it. / The voice sneers.

Killua looks at Silva and he is sitting in his handcuffs with that stupid smug smile on his face. He knows he still gets to Killua. Killua wants to wipe that stupid smile off of his face. He looks Silva in the eyes and swallows the lump feeling a few tears slide down his cheeks.

“He made Illumi rape me.”

Killua thought he would feel horrible after saying it but it was like that weight got snatched off of his shoulders. His stomach gets butterflies like he is going down a rollercoaster. Killua’s stomach warms with satisfaction as Silva’s face transforms from smug to shocked. The court room is so quiet that you could hear a pen drop. It’s like time stopped as Killua looks at the jury and they all look shocked and disgusted, he looks at Pika and Leorio; they look proud, and finally Mr. Kiyama. He looks shocked and blindsided and regretful that Killua said it instead of shutting down again. Finally the silence is pierced by Kikyo’s shrieking voice.

“You made our son do what!?” She screeches. She tackles Silva making his chair fall over. Killua almost can’t contain the feeling of weightlessness as Kikyo grabs desperately at Silva’s neck. She isn’t doing much with the handcuffs, but Killua is sure she is trying to choke him. Finally, the officers pull them apart and out of the court room wrapping up court for the day. Killua quickly follows Pika and Leorio out of the building. Leorio heads back in to find Gon and Aunt Mito.

“Did you see that?! I said everything! I said it right to his big stupid face.” Killua exclaims. He will probably feel it later but right now he feels positively weightless.

Pika faces him smiling. “Yeah, I saw that. I am so proud.”

“I know it was amazing dad.” Killua says happily. He looks at Pika’s face when he doesn’t respond. His eyes are watery, and he is smiling with full teeth this time. He goes over what he said and blushes as Pika pulls him against him.

“Oh Killua.” Pika coos.

“You’re never gonna let this go, are you?” Killua grumbles but it is obvious he is happy.

“I found them.” Leorio says.

Killua turns to face Gon but then looks at his shoes. He was so happy he completely forgot that he just admitted what happened with Illumi in front of Gon.

“Killua you are so brave.” He hears Gon cheer then he feels Gon’s arms pull him into his chest. He kisses Killua’s head then leans down to his ear. “Don’t do that. This doesn’t change anything between us okay. We can talk about it later, but nothing is changing.” Killua feels hi muscles relax, and he grips Gon’s shirt hugging him back. Oh, he is so lucky.

--

Pika and Leorio decided to help Killua celebrate facing his fears by ordering his favorite food, but he didn’t even get halfway through dinner before there was a knock on the door. Leorio just gets up to answer it because today they were eating in the living room so they could watch a movie. Killua takes a bite of his food.

“Is everything okay officer?” He hears Leorio ask. He looks at the door and a short brunette lady in a uniform is standing at the door.

“Hi sorry to bother you. I am Officer Azuma. I am the one that Melody reported Killua’s sexual assault case to. Can I come in?”

Killua sets his food down losing his appetite.

Leorio steps aside and Officer Azuma steps in. She smiles softly at Killua. “I came to let you know that we have opened the case. Tomorrow you will need to come down to the station to make a police report and we will get things rolling. Unfortunately, before we have the evidence and the testimony, we can not arrest Mr. Illumi Zoldyck because he isn’t a threat right now.”

“What do you mean he isn’t a threat?!” Pika asks incredulously standing up.

“He hasn’t had any contact with Killua since he moved out of his parents’ house.”

“That’s a lie. He showed up at Hisoka’s house.” Killua says angrily. He feels a pang at Hisoka’s name. He misses his weird mentor. He hasn’t seen him since he told Pika and Leorio everything because they wouldn’t let him. He knows Hisoka tried to help but they are trying to keep him safe. “He also showed up here.”

“And I am pretty sure he showed up at both Leorio and I’s jobs.”

Officer Azuma sighs. “I am sorry. Without concrete proof we can’t arrest him yet. He has been notified of the case.”

“He has what?” Killua asks softly. He feels his dinner threaten to come up as the world tilts dangerously to the left.

“We had to inform him about…” Officer Azuma can’t even finish her sentence before Killua runs to the small trash can in the living room and empties his half eaten dinner into it. His body keeps throwing up until he is dry heaving. He can feel the tears prickle is eyes as Pika rubs his back.

“Let’s finish this talk in a minute.” He hears Leorio say then he feels the doctor’s strong arms lifting him up and carrying him up the stairs. Vaguely he recognizes Leorio pulling the covers up after he laid him on the bed, but everything feels far away. They told him. They told him. They told him…. He must be pissed. Fuck he is probably so pissed. His phone. Killua hadn’t checked his phone since before court. He grabs his phone and turns it on.

710-284-7483: You told?!

710-284-7483: Are you serious Kil?

710-284-7483: I am your brother! How could you betray me like this!?

710-284-7483: I should have taken you back a long time ago!

710-284-7483: Why?!?!

And the list goes on with seemingly endless texts. Killua’s heart stops after reading the last one.

710-284-7483: I’m gonna get you Kil. Even if it kills me.

Chapter Text

God Killua hates pity.

He hates telling people things because they give him the look one would give a kicked puppy. Pika and Leorio have given him that look a couple times. Gon has never given him that look and Killua is eternally grateful for it. He remembers telling the doctors in the ER about what happened, and they all looked at him with that look. It makes him feel suffocated. Like he is sinking lower and lower into the ocean. He feels like that now with the three police officers looking at him as he talks about everything with Illumi. He can’t hear anymore words coming out because the water is feeling his lungs. He gasps for air and squeezes his eyes shut desperately trying to breath. He feels Gon’s hand squeeze his as he pulls him back. He can breathe. He isn’t drowning. He is in the room with the officers telling them about Illumi, but it is okay because Gon has his hand. Killua squeezes his hand back to say thanks.

“Okay that’s everything. Thanks, Killua.” Officer Azuma says.

Killua feels Gon stand up by him and gently pulls him up. He lets Gon leads him outside. Killua takes in a shaky breath. The relief is almost immediate as the sun pours over his skin and Gon slides his hands down his arms leaving goosebumps in their wake.

“You did so good.” Gon smiles at him with that big goofy grin of his.

Killua sighs and leans up to press a soft kiss to his lips. Gon responds eagerly.

“Come on. Let’s go have fun.”

“They said to come home first. Since court is in a couple hours.” Killua sighs. Why is he of all people arguing with Gon about rules. When did Killua become the rule following one?

“It will be fun come on Killua.”

He knows he should go home but he really could use the distraction and Gon looks so cute smiling that goofy grin. Geez this idiot is gonna be the death of him.

--

Leorio sighs. Killua is upstairs getting ready. They didn’t come straight home but Leorio couldn’t find it in himself to be angry when Killua walked in looking so happy. He was wearing Gon’s jacket and laughing as he waved bye to said boy in the car. He then sputtered, blushing madly when Kurapika mentioned it. They all pile in Leorio’s car for the last time to go to the courthouse. Leorio looks in the rearview mirror to find Killua, his son, looking out of the window and nervously fiddling with his shirt. He just hopes Killua doesn’t regress and shut down. They pull up to the building and Leorio puts his arm around Killua’s shoulders. He hopes the sun and fresh air will calm the white-haired boy down. Usually when Killua is going through a panic attack the fresh air and feeling the sun on his skin will calm him down. He looks at the sun above a cherry blossom tree by the courthouse. It is such a beautiful day, Leorio just hopes those assholes are found guilty. They all walk in as a family. The police officers march in Silva and Kikyo being sure to sit them apart so Leorio assumes Kikyo hasn’t stopped trying to kill her husband. Court starts off without a hitch for the most part minus the death stares Kikyo is sending Silva.

Their shitty lawyer marches to the front and spews a bunch of bullshit about the “evidence” they have to show that Silva and Kikyo are not abusive assholes. Leorio isn’t remotely worried about this part though. They have evidence beyond reason that those bastards should be in jail. The more Mr. Kiyama talks, the more Leorio wants to punch him in his stupid face. Bisky stands up. She calls Killua’s therapist to the stand. Ms. Story smiles softly at Killua and Leorio is filled with a huge sense of gratitude for her. She has helped Killua so much since he has been there. Ms. Story testifies that she cannot reveal details about what her and Killua talk about because of confidentiality but that she does believe that Killua shouldn’t be placed in his parents care and that she wouldn’t recommend any child be placed with them ever again. She calls two more people to the stand including Melody and the leading doctor who was there when they found Killua.

Melody testifies is a calm voice about how badly injured and disassociated Killua was when she found him in the street. The leading doctor, Dr. Ito is his name (he works in the same hospital Leorio does), explains his worst injuries, Killua’s reaction to them trying to check under his shorts, and how it was the worst case he has ever seen in their town since he has worked as a doctor here. Leorio swallows and silently thanks whoever is listening that he wasn’t working that night.

“I also brought reports from the doctors that show that the scars on Killua were months old so they couldn’t have happened the night he was missing. Also, it shows that there were scars showing years upon years of past abuse. I also submitted the most recent checkup showing evidence of months maybe even a year of past sexual abuse. In conclusion, the evidence all points to the Zoldycks abusing Killua for most of, if not all of, his life.” Bisky finishes before sitting back down.

The jury steps out for about forty-five minutes but it feels like at least two hours as Leorio holds Killua’s shaking hands and stares daggers at his shitty parents. They all come back in after handing a paper to the judge. She puts on her glasses and lifts the paper.

“In the case of Zoldyck against the state the jury finds Silva Zoldyck guilty of child abuse, neglect, aiding and abetting the sexual assault of a minor, and child endangerment. In the case of Zoldyck against the state the jury finds Kikyo Zoldyck guilty of child abuse, neglect, and child endangerment. They are both sentenced to life in prison on top of their current twenty-five years. I am honestly deeply unsettled by this case. It has been one of the worst that this county has ever had. I want you to know Killua that you are so strong and brave, and I am glad that you are will a great family that will give you the love you deserve.” The judge states a soft smile on her lips. There is an uproar from Silva and Kikyo, but Leorio almost can’t hear it because he is so focused on Killua. Killua is hugging Kurapika with tears sliding down his face. They both look so happy and relieved that he can’t help but to pull them into a hug as his heart swells. It’s finally over. They are gone.

--

Leorio wishes he could have stayed for the celebration that his family is having at the house. They are having dinner and watching movies with Gon and Mito. Leorio sighs signing in and pulling on his white coat. First, he makes his rounds to check on his patients that are here for more than a day. He falls into the routine of the day. It is kind of slow at the moment which is a God send in the ER. He gets paged for a patient in the critical condition. He rushes to the front and sees Machi. She runs over. Her eyes look panicked, and he has never seen her panicked before.

“It’s a woman. She is bleeding from multiple wounds in the stomach and really beaten up.” She explains as they rush to the front. “We have been trying to help her, but she is hysterical and keeps begging for you.”

Leorio is about to ask if they know why but they get to the room.

“Doc…t… Doctor Le…. Leorio.” He hears a soft voice beg. It is interrupted with wet coughs.

Leorio pushes the door open and his heart catches in his throat. The lady has long brown hair and pale skin. She is laying in the fetal position, hanging onto her legs. She is covered in blood. Leorio can’t find a place that isn’t covered in blood, but Leorio doesn’t know her. He has never seen this woman. Leorio rushes over.

“It’s okay, I am Doctor Leorio. I am here.” Leorio sooths trying to get her to unclench so he can attend to her wounds. She jumps at his voice and sits up, leaning onto Leorio gripping his shirt causing more blood to spill out of her wounds. Leorio grips her arms, and she is much too cold. How much blood has she lost?

“He…. He said I had to find you.” She coughs up blood onto Leorio’s scrubs and she leans on him more heavily, making the white stain red. Leorio steps closer pulling her against his chest while motioning for the other doctors to step in while he has her calm and distracted.

“Who?”

“He… He...” She gasps and pushes away from the doctors trying to numb her for the stitches. She slumps in Leorio’s arms, and he checks her pulse, and it is much to weak under his fingertips. She doesn’t have long. She is hysterical and her eyes are wide and unfocused and confused.

“It’s okay. He isn’t here. You are safe.”

“No. No!” She gasps out, her eyes cloudy. “He will kill you…... He will kill….” She coughs more.

“Who?”

“Illumi….” She looks into his eyes, her eyes are clear and desperate, in a last moment of clarity before they slip shut and she slumps in his arms. Leorio slowly sets her on the bed after she takes one last shaky breath. Why would she… Why would he…. This poor woman died because of Illumi. Actually. She died because of Leorio. She died so that Illumi could get to Leorio. She died because of Leorio. She died. She died. She died because of Leorio. He rubs his hand through his hair, and it feels…… sticky. Ah yes, the blood. From the woman. Who died. Because of him. Leorio looks down at his scrubs. They are red. Oh right the blood. From the woman. Who…

“Leorio. Leorio!” He hears his name being called and feels his arm being tugged on. He looks over at his nurse and doesn’t understand why she looks so worried. Her eyes scan his face, but Leorio just shrugs and looks back at the wall. He finds himself being pulled out of the room and sat on a chair. Where is he? He looks around and sees a table, a microwave, a fridge. Oh, right the break room. When did he get here? He feels something draped over him. He looks and sees the bright silver of a shock blanket. Hm. Weird. Leorio isn’t in shock. Is he? No. No. He isn’t. He was trying to help that woman. He breathes in smelling copper. Why? Oh, right the blood. From the woman. Who died….

--

Kurapika runs in the hospital trying to make it back to the room they have Leorio in. The cold sterile smell of the hospital hits him immediately. His heart is pounding in his ears. He rushed down here after the police called his phone. He hates driving. Leorio always does the driving. He is directed back by a couple doctors. When he gets to the break room, he sees that it is crowded. There are nurses and doctors talking to officers, people walking around, and Leorio. Oh Leorio. He is sitting in the corner looking blankly at the wall. His clothes are covered in blood, the red contrasting brightly off of his white coat. There is dried blood caked on his hands. It is smeared on his forehead and into his hair. Kurapika feels his heart twinge as he runs over to him.

“Leorio. Look at me.” Kurapika says soothingly.

His blank eyes turn towards Kurapika slowly. “P…Pika she has so much blood. You know you wouldn’t think. About how much blood humans have. It’s a lot. It’s. She’s….”

“Shh Shh it’s okay.” Kurapika pulls Leorio to his chest running his fingers through the parts of his hair not stuck together with blood. He holds him for a while and Kurapika can feel when he comes out of shock because he grips Kurapika’s shirt and buries his face in his shirt.

“She died because of me Pika.” Leorio whispers and it breaks his heart at how broken it sounds. Kurapika knew Leorio would blame himself when he heard the officers explain the situation over the phone.

“Come on let’s go home.” Kurapika helps Leorio up and leads him outside. Leorio’s glaring at nothing in particular as they walk. Kurapika just knows he is tearing himself up and he wishes he could help. It has been a while since he has had a really bad case like this. The last one was three months ago with a kid who had pneumonia, but his family didn’t have insurance, so they were scared to bring him in. He past away and Kurapika held Leorio as he rambled about if they had just caught it sooner or if insurance wasn’t an issue. Even then he has never seen Leorio in shock at work. Even in the worst cases he had always held a professional face and came home to lean on Kurapika.

The blonde puts his fiancé in the car and drives them, albeit slowly, back home. As he helps Leorio into the house he finds himself grateful that he sent Killua away to Gon’s. He helps Leorio upstairs and pulls Leorio into the bathroom connected to their bedroom. He turns on the shower water and starts undressing. Leorio hasn’t moved to remove his clothes, so Kurapika works on that. Leorio slowly comes out of his daze and helps him pull them off. Kurapika pushes Leorio into the shower. It isn’t as hot as Kurapika usually takes his showers, but Leorio doesn’t like showers that hot.

“Killua?” Leorio asks.

“He is at Gon’s it’s okay.” Kurapika says. He grabs a washcloth and starts wiping the blood off of Leorio’s hands until they are back to being their normal color. He gently pushes Leorio under the water more and starts gently rubbing the blood off of his face, the water running pink as the blood washes down the drain. He has Leorio kneel in front of him because it is the easiest and grabs the shampoo. He lathers it in his hands then massages it into Leorio’s hair trying to not only get the blood out but relax his fiancé. He gently tips Leorio’s head back washing the shampoo out along with the blood. Leorio leans in and presses a soft kiss to Kurapika’s stomach. It isn’t sexual it is out of pure love and emotional vulnerability.

“What would I do without you Pika?” Leorio rasps. Kurapika can hear the tears that he is holding back.

“Crash and burn.” Kurapika says bending slightly to kiss Leorio’s forehead. He pulls back to find a ghost of a smile on his face. He helps Leorio up and out of the shower. After turning it off Kurapika pulls Leorio in their bedroom. He pulls on some pajama pants and hands Leorio some boxers. Kurapika gets in bed leaning against the pillows. He waits for Leorio to get in bed beside him but instead he crawls up between Kurapika’s legs and lays down with his head between Kurapika’s chest and stomach. Kurapika sighs softly and starts running his fingers through his lover’s soft black hair.

“Illumi killed her Pika. She died in my arms, refusing to let us help her, so that she could warn me about him. He killed her just to get to me.” Kurapika hears the taller man’s voice whisper.

“I know baby.” Kurapika says. Kurapika rarely uses nicknames or pet names unless the situation is bad. “It wasn’t your fault. It was Illumi’s fault.”

“But…”

“No. No buts. You didn’t kill her. Illumi did.”

Leorio nods slowly then Kurapika can feel his shoulders start to shake with sobs. He feels the tears on his skin, and he doesn’t mention them. He just pulls the man he loves closer until there are no more tears left to cry.

--

Killua sighs as he opens the door to his room and heads downstairs. Officer Azuma is here. He knows that there was an emergency at Leorio’s hospital that had to do with Illumi. He also knows that Leorio was so upset that Kurapika said Killua should stay the night at Gon’s. He didn’t say that to him of course. He said it to Mito over the phone last night. When Killua came home this morning he found Pika in the laundry room pouring peroxide on something white and bloody. Upon closer inspection Killua saw they were Leorio’s scrubs. Panic had filled Killua thinking Leorio had gotten hurt but when he went to check on Leorio, he was up and moving and he didn’t look upset. It calmed him down, but Killua could see it. Whatever was getting to him. He could see it every time Leorio smiled, and it didn’t reach his eyes. Killua comes into the living room, and they are already talking.

Officer Azuma’s eyes shoot up to Killua. “Hello Killua. I am getting everything down so that we can have more evidence. With what happened at the hospital we went to go arrest Illumi, but he wasn’t anywhere to be found. We are looking for him now.” Killua honestly isn’t too surprised. His family is good at what they do. The only reason they found his parents is because Killua gave them the address and they were preoccupied searching for him. If Illumi doesn’t want to be found, they won’t find him.

“He um. He has been messaging my phone.” Killua says. He feels Leorio and Pika’s eyes snap towards him, but he doesn’t look at them. He pulls out his phone going to Illumi’s messages and hand the phone to Officer Azuma.

“Thanks, Killua. Screenshot this and print it off. We can use these.”

Killua nods, grabbing his phone, and sits by Pika. He feels Pika’s hand squeeze his hand and he smiles.

“Until we find him, we will need to keep a close eye on you guys okay.”

--

Killua is going to snap.

He feels so restless. It has been a week and a half of confinement in the house. He hasn’t even been to school and spring break ended a week ago. Pika and Leorio have been hovering over him. The only person he has seen outside of that is Gon. He can’t even go to the store. Plus, there is the very annoying round of hovering officers. He appreciates all of them and what they are doing for him it’s just being trapped inside reminds him too much of things better off forgotten. He is so excited to finally get to school but he is hoping that they don’t change their mind on that also. Leorio hasn’t been back to work since the incident. Killua still doesn’t know what happened exactly, but Leorio said he wasn’t ready. Since the man is seriously dedicated to his job, he has only taken off about a week from work in the past five years that he worked for the hospital, so he has lots of vacation time.

He is pulled back from his thoughts when he is abruptly smacked in the face with a pillow. He glares at Gon but even he knows it lacks the full weight of an actual glare.

“Idiot.” Killua grumbles halfheartedly as he throws a pillow at him. Gon laughs and runs from Killua’s pillow. Pika opens the door at just that moment and smacks Gon in the face with the door which just results in Killua erupting in laughter.

“Ouch.” Gon groans rubbing his head. “You’re mean Killua.”

“I’m so sorry Gon.” Kurapika exclaims. He smiles knowingly at Killua which causes him to flush. “I just wanted to talk to you Killua. Leorio and I talked, and we will send you to school tomorrow. We don’t like keeping you holed up like this, so we want you to go back to school tomorrow like planned.”

“Yes!” Killua exclaims rushing to hug Gon. He feels Gon’s body shake as he laughs and hugs him back.

“And since there is school tomorrow, Mito is downstairs to pick you up Gon.”

“Okay.” Gon smiles. He leans down and kisses Killua making Killua’s stomach warm. When Gon pulls back Killua almost protests but he remembers that Pika is there. “I’ll see you tomorrow Killua.”

When Killua laid down to go to sleep he didn’t think tomorrow could get here fast enough, but apparently it could because his alarm is going off. He yawns and sits up. He rushes through the teeth brushing and getting ready. He wishes he could ride his skateboard he got for Christmas since he has been getting better at it but since he is still technically on lockdown he can’t. He slides down the rail to the stairs, landing right in front of Leorio.

“Somebody is happy this morning.” Leorio smiles ruffling his hair. Killua ducks away from his hand playfully laughing. He is happy to find that Leorio’s eyes look less haunted.

“Yeah I am. I can’t wait to go to school.”

“Why? So that you can see Gon?” He teases making Killua’s face burn.

“Shut up old man.” Killua grumbles which just gets Leorio to laugh more.

--

Killua walks up to the school without looking back at Leorio’s car so that he won’t show his slight nervousness after being so excited. When he walks in, he sees Zushi. Zushi smiles at him, and he waves trying to take Ms. Story’s advice more and more. He already apologized to him and everything, but he wants to make things less tense between them.

Geez, today is already shaping up to be long. He has only gone to two classes, but both have been annoying. The other people in the class were whispering about why he has been missing and about his court case. He loves Pika and Leorio but why did they have to pick such a small down to live in? He heads to class quickly because Gon and him share this class, so he is excited. He hasn’t seen him yet today. He gets outside the math class and peeks in. Gon is nowhere in sight. He worries his bottom lip between his teeth. He doesn’t really want to head in without Gon. He doesn’t want to hear the stupid whispers.

“You, okay?” He hears a very familiar voice ask from behind him. He turns quickly to be met with amber eyes.

“Yeah. I just was waiting for you. A lot of people have been whispering about me and it is pissing me off.” Killua grumbles relaxing in Gon’s presence.

“Yeah, I have heard them too. Let’s ditch.”

“You’re just saying that because you don’t like math.” Killua gives him a look going for seriousness, but the idea does sound promising.

Gon pouts and it is just so cute. “No. I want you to feel better Killua. Missing math is just a perk.”

Killua laughs softly and gently hits his boyfriend over the head. “Fine let’s go idiot.”

Gon beams and leads Killua outside to the side of the school. They sit down leaning against the building.

“We should go on a date soon Killua.”

Killua feels his face heating up. “Why do you say that?”

Gon smiles at him. “I really want to. We have never been on like a real date, and I really like you. You’re so cute and amazing Killua.”

Somehow even more blood rushes to Killua’s face. “D… Don’t just say that idiot. You’re so embarrassing.”

“Killua we are dating.” Gon says playfully blunt.

“Still.” He pushes Gon’s stupid cute face away before he ends up saying more mushy things. Killua doesn’t think his heart can take anymore erratic heart beats. It can’t be healthy.

Gon moves Killua’s hand and leans in, wiggling his eyebrows. God he is an idiot, but he is Killua’s idiot. Killua rolls his eyes but leans in and kisses him. Gon giggles softly into the kiss but then turns serious as he licks Killua’s bottom lip getting his heart to palpitate. This really isn’t helping in the heart department but that doesn’t stop Killua from opening his mouth so that Gon’s tongue can slide in. The kiss speeds up causing a warmth to grow in Killua’s stomach. He moans in slight surprise as Gon pulls him over so that he is straddling Gon’s waist. Killua wraps his arms around Gon’s neck pushing them impossibly closer as the warmth grows more. Gon slides his hands along Killua’s back to the rhythm of the kiss.

A throat clears behind them and Killua jumps scrambling to stand up and Gon does the same. Mr. Takahashi, Killua’s science teacher, is standing there looking disappointed but also slightly amused. Maybe he has been here before when he was in high school. The thought alone almost makes Killua laugh but he refrains so he doesn’t get in more trouble.

“Gon, Killua. You both have detention, but Killua you must come with me. You are being picked up early. Since you are not in class, we were looking for you.” He says.

Killua feels his gut clinch. Something must have happened. He looks at Gon and he looks worried also. Killua gives him a reassuring smile and follows Mr. Takahashi to the main office. When they enter Hisoka is standing in the corner of the office. He has his hip poked out and is leaning against the wall casually, but he has this sort of cagey look in his eyes that sets Killua on edge. He has never seen the man worried about anything. His eyes flicker to Killua and his eyes look sort of……. relieved maybe. He pushes off of the wall and saunters over to Killua.

“Let’s go Killua.” Hisoka says in his honey smooth voice. Killua would usually argue. Pika and Leorio said not to see Hisoka anymore but something about this panicky Hisoka worries him. He nods and follows him outside. The walk to the car is tense and worrying. The air reminds Killua of his old home when he was in trouble. Like he is just waiting for the other shoe to drop. They get into Hisoka’s car and Hisoka pulls off as Killua is putting his seatbelt on.

“You really shouldn’t ditch Killua. People will get worried if they can’t find you.” Hisoka purrs.

“Wh…. What’s wrong His…. Hisoka.” Damnit, he didn’t mean to stutter he is just starting to get scared.

Hisoka looks at him then back to the road. “You’re brother is up to no good Kitten.” He says smiling. Even panicky Hisoka can’t drop the personality. “He said he was coming to get you. I just wanted to make sure you were still at school. I didn’t mean to pick you up. Hell, I didn’t mean to get attached at all but alas here we are.” Hisoka hums.

Killua nods and lets the conversation drop. What was Illumi planning? Was he at his school? Did he see Hisoka pick him up? He bites the inside of his cheek as his stomach twists in the worst way. He is gonna throw up the eggs and pancakes Pika made for breakfast. He feels his breathing pick up, so he starts with the breathing exercises Leorio taught him. He just gets done when they pull up to Hisoka’s apartments. Killua silently follows Hisoka up to his penthouse. Hisoka struts into the penthouse and lets Killua in before he shuts and locks the door.

“What are we gonna do Hisoka? What if he comes? What if he goes for Pika and Leorio? I’m scared.”

“Shh Kitten. Don’t worry. There is no fun in that.” Hisoka jokes but it lacks his normal charm. He is fiddling with his fingers slightly but that is the only indication that he is upset or worried.

Both of them jump as they hear a loud banging knock on the door. Hisoka looks into the peephole and Killua feels his heart jump into his throat as Hisoka backs away. It must be Illumi. Shit! Shit! Shit! He knew it! Illumi is here! His body threatens to collapse as a wave of dizziness and nausea passes through him. He swallows hard trying to get rid of the feeling just as the door is kicked in. Illumi walks in. At least Killua is sure it is Illumi. His normally calm and collected brother is a mess. His long silky black hair is frantic and all over the place, he has dark bags under his eyes, and his black eyes are distraught and not quite there. Plus, he has a gun gripped in his hand desperately. It is a handgun. A Beretta 92FS……. Stop it Killua. You aren’t at the mansion anymore you don’t need to know the type of gun.

“Ill…. Illumi?” Killua chokes out. “What happened to you?”

“Why did you have to tell Kil? We could have…… You’re so…… You were gone. They… They hid you.” Illumi rambles as he pulls slightly at his hair with his free hand. He turns on Killua, his large pupils shaking. “I needed to see you Kil. But it’s okay. It’s okay? Yeah, it’s okay. You’re coming with me now.”

Killua feels fear creep into his body. His body almost shuts down from the amount of fear that slams into him at once from seeing Illumi like this. His body hasn’t felt this kind of life-or-death fear in months.

“You can’t take him.” Hisoka says firmly. How he can sound so perfectly calm is flabbergasting to Killua.

“Shut up Hisoka! You shouldn’t have even picked him up.” Illumi turns to Hisoka taking those unstable eyes off of Killua. “Then again it is easier for me to have him now, so I guess thanks.” Illumi lifts a shaking hand, the one with the gun, towards Hisoka.

Killua snaps out of his haze and rushes towards Hisoka. “Illumi no!”

Illumi pulls the trigger.

Chapter Text

Kurapika calls Leorio with shaky hands. Dammit this is yet another situation the parenting classes didn’t prepare him for. What the hell are you supposed to do when your kid’s crazy brother is after them, so your kid’s also crazy mentor picks your kid up from school and disappears? And why the hell didn’t the school ask Kurapika first?

“Hey Pika, I just got off. Did you pick him up?” Leorio asks after he picks up the phone.

“No, I didn’t. Hisoka did and they are gone.”

“What?!” Leorio demands.

“I think we should check Hisoka’s house first.” Pika says trying to sound calm.

“Okay. I am closer to his house right now, so I am gonna head over now.” He hears Leorio’s car door shut over the phone.

Kurapika feels fear spike through his chest from the thought of Leorio running headfirst into danger, especially alone, but they need to get their son back. “Be careful. I am on the way, and I will call the police.”

“I love you.” Leorio hangs up before he can respond.

“I love you too.” He answers anyway.

--

“Ah.” Hisoka chokes out as Killua pulls the cloth as tight as he can over his gun shot wound. He was shot in the stomach. Is he going to die? What organs got hit? Why the hell didn’t Killua pay more attention in anatomy?!

“Kil leave him alone. He is probably gonna die just leave him alone.” Illumi says strangely calm after his previous show of insanity. Killua’s stomach lurches threatening to bring all of the contents of his lunch with it. What is the cause? The fear? The stress? The smell of Hisoka’s blood all over his hands? Who knows. Killua looks over at Illumi to find his brother looking in the mirror. He is straightening his hair with the hand not holding the gun. His big dark eyes snap to Killua’s in the mirror, and he turns around fast.

“Kil, we need to go.” He comes closer and runs his fingertips down Killua’s cheek. Killua tries his hardest not to flinch away or smack his hand away. He doesn’t want to anger the crazy man wielding a gun. He peeks at Hisoka, and the older man is laying on the ground. He is pale but still awake and watching him and Illumi. He looks back at Illumi. “I missed you.”

Killua swallows hard and takes as much of a deep breath as his body will allow in his current state of panic. “We… can’t Lumi. I don’t want to.”

Illumi’s eyes flash. “Why not Kil?” He demands. “We always had such great times Kil. It was all so perfect.”

Killua licks his lips and tastes salt. He is crying. When did that start? It doesn’t matter. “I didn’t like it. I never did.”

Anger passes through Illumi’s eyes but like usual his face doesn’t change much. “No, you did Kil. You did.”

Killua feels frustration run through his body. It fills him with a newfound sense of strength. He smacks Illumi’s hand away roughly. “No, I didn’t! It hurt and it was gross, and I never want to feel that way again!”

The change in Illumi’s eyes is immediate. His face contorts in anger and Killua spares another glance to Hisoka as if he could help by some miracle. Hisoka is out cold, probably from the blood loss. Killua feels the pain before he realizes that Illumi had slammed his head against the floor. His ears are ringing but he vaguely can make out Illumi shouting. He looks over and realizes that the door is open. It was left cracked when Illumi barged in like a crazy person. He scoots towards the door not able to get up because of the ringing in his ears. He feels a sharp grip on his arm. The panic hits him a second late thanks to the headache as he looks at Illumi. The raven-haired man holds the gun to his forehead. Killua can feel the cool metal of the barrel pressed right above the spot between his eyebrows.

“Where are you going Kil? You are going to be with me, or you won’t be here at all.” Illumi says in that scarily cheerful voice of his.

Killua closes his eyes. He remembers before he met Pika and Leorio. When he was praying, begging for something to kill him. He remembers wanting to die. He really wanted to so why does he feel so scared, so devastated right now? Killua feels tears slide down the sides of his face as the realization hits him. Killua wants to live. He wants to be adopted by Pika and Leorio, he wants to be with Gon, he wants to go to school, and live his life not constantly panicked or scared. He doesn’t want to die. Not now, when he has so much to live for. So, this time when he closes his eyes, he decides to pray for something else. He wants Pika and Leorio. He wants his parents.

He hears the door open and suddenly Illumi’s weight is ripped off of him. Killua opens his eyes and Leorio is on top of Illumi. He must have tackled him. Where did he come from? Did Killua really pray that hard? Killua looks at the door and it is wide open instead of cracked. He looks back to find Leorio and Illumi fighting for the upper hand. Killua sits up to try to help and the world shifts dangerously to the left. How hard did he hit his head? Leorio kicks Illumi’s gun towards the door which helps get it out of the fight but it also gives Illumi an opening to wrap his hands around Leorio’s throat. Killua feels his stomach drop when Leorio lets out a choking sound. Killua tries to crawl forward but it the spinning halts the speed. He falls but grips Illumi’s ankle.

“Please Lumi. Please.” He begs.

Killua sees Leorio’s face flush, and his eyes start to water as he chokes more. He claws at Illumi’s pale fingers.

“Please.” Killua begs feeling more tears fall. “Illumi please. Don’t kill my dad.”

A loud bang goes off. Killua sees Illumi crumple. How the hell? He looks at the door and Pika is standing there holding the gun. He looks just as shocked as Killua feels. Killua rushes to Leorio, who had just pushed Illumi off and is trying to catch his breath. Killua hugs him. He feels positively weightless from the relief. Leorio didn’t die. He is here.

“Y…You were gonna die.” Killua cries. He grips his shirt desperately. He feels Leorio’s arms wrap around him. “You al…most died dad.”

“I know but I am okay kid.” Leorio rasps out. “I am not going anywhere kid.”

Killua feels Pika’s warmth wrap around him also and smells his comforting smell. He cries harder clinging to Leorio. “I th…thought I was gonna die.”

“I know honey, I know.” Pika sooths rubbing his hair.

The police bust in the door and take in the scene. Killua vaguely sees them rush to Hisoka and Illumi as he closes his eyes.

“It will all be okay.” Pika reassures and for once Killua believes it.

Chapter Text

Two Years Later

Kurapika dusts the last of the dust off of the coffee table. Killua’s sixteenth birthday is on Monday, so they are having a party for him today. After he gets the last of this cleaned him and Leorio have to go get the cake then come back. Leorio comes in holding bags and bags of stuff. Kurapika watches as he sets the stuff on the kitchen table. Leorio coughs softly probably from moving around so much but Kurapika can’t help but to have a flash back of Illumi over him slowly killing one of his reasons for living. The feeling is like a quick punch to the stomach making him breathless. He walks up and wraps his arms around Leorio’s middle because that’s all his height will permit. The taller man smells like the cologne Killua bought him for Christmas. He feels Leorio chuckle from the rumbling in his chest.

“Not that I am complaining but what is this for?” His husbands deep voice rumbles out amused.

“I am just glad you’re alive.” Kurapika chokes out trying to sound playful and not upset but the crack in his voice gives it away.

“I am kind of glad about that too babe. You okay? What’s wrong?” Leorio asks and Kurapika feels him bend down to kiss his hair.

“Mhm. Just remembering.”

“Well don’t. I am alive. I am right here.” He feels Leorio’s hand slide down his arm to find his own. Then Leorio lifts his hand to his chest right over his heart. Kurapika sighs softly as he relishes in the steady beating under his fingertips. He nods softly. Kurapika knows that he should be sad that Illumi is gone. He was his son’s brother and Killua took a while to come to terms with his death, but he just can’t bring himself to. Whenever he thinks of Illumi he sees him hurting Killua, hurting Leorio, and he is glad he is gone. He pulls back and gets on his tip toes and kisses Leorio softly. He feels his husband breathe a soft laugh against his lips before he kisses him back. Leorio is here. Illumi is not. It’s okay to breathe. Plus, it is a happy day.

“Okay. I’m gonna go tell the birthday boy we are leaving.” Kurapika says as he reluctantly pulls back.

Leorio smiles softly and nods. “Okay. Geez sixteen already. We are getting old.”

Kurapika pulls back slapping Leorio’s chest. “You are maybe.” He smiles playfully at him as he heads upstairs.

--

How does Killua find himself in these situations? He can’t bring himself to regret it this time though. It all started with Gon and him kissing in his bedroom. It got admittedly heated and Gon had pulled back to regain his composure. He was sitting there breathing hard, hair messy from Killua’s fingers, and amber eyes hazed in lust. That’s when Killua announced that he was ready for more. Hell, he needed more. It had been on his mind for a while. He just wasn’t ready for sex yet. He nervously played with his fingers as Gon smiled at him. The raven-haired boy reassured him that they didn’t have to have sex. Gon had said that there was plenty of other things they could do, which led him here. He is laying on the bed, biting down roughly on his knuckle because his dads are downstairs, and Gon is laying between his legs with his lips wrapped around his…… Ah! Gon does this thing with his tongue that is just perfect!

Gon slides his free hand up, intentionally passing Killua’s hip, to grip his side instead. Killua can’t even thank him for caring enough to keep him comfortable because words won’t come out of his mouth. It feels so good. Killua can’t figure out why it feels so good, so different, and fuck where does he put his other hand? The one he is not currently putting permanent teeth marks into.

“G…Gon.” Killua whines out.

There is a knock at Killua’s door, and he jumps softly almost panicking. Stay cool, calm, act natural.

“Y…Yes?” Killua asks finally removing his knuckle from his mouth. His voice comes out not exactly normal but close enough. He looks down expecting Gon to stop but to his horror or maybe his excitement Gon keeps moving.

“Hey birthday boy. Leorio and I are heading out for about thirty minutes, okay?”

Gon picks up the pace like an idiot. A painfully talented idiot Killua finds himself having to bite his knuckle again. Ahhhh, it feels so good. Where did he even learn how to do this? What was he doing again? Oh, right Pika is at the door. Shit Pika is at the door! Answer him!

“Mhm.” Killua grits out around his knuckle, and it sounds bad even to him. Damn it and this idiot just keeps going.

“What did you say?” Pika asks.

Shit he wasn’t loud enough he has to remove his finger. He takes a deep breath and does just that so he can reply. “I said okay.”

“Okay. Will you be okay?”

“Yeah, dad I’ll be fi…. Ah...mhnf.” Killua groans out rushing to cover his mouth, so the moan came out more of a weird sound of pain. Gon had caught him off guard by changing something up. He looks down and finds the cheeky bastard looking up at him mischievously. This idiot is doing this on purpose.

“Are you okay?” Pika sounds concerned now. Shit. Apparently Gon finds this hilarious because he giggles. He fucking giggles. And the vibrations feel heavenly. Killua pushes down on his mouth to smother the sounds and it takes a second for him to remember what Pika had asked.

“Y…Yeah. I stubbed my toe.” Luckily Killua’s voice sounds almost tortured. This is torture. Sweet torture but torture none the less. Can’t Pika just leave already. “I am fine. You should get going so we can have the party.”

“Okay.” Killua listens intently for Kurapika to go back downstairs and shut the door then he glares at Gon. He knows his glare holds no weight because Gon just giggles again sending those amazing vibrations back through him. Ah fuck. This boy is going to be the death of him.

--

“You can come down now.” Killua hears Pika’s voice call from downstairs. Killua walks downstairs and is immediately greeted by a loud “surprise!”. He doesn’t jump because Pika and Leorio told him that they were going to do this because he hates surprises. He acts surprised though, for everybody else. Gon runs up to him as if he wasn’t just there and hugs him tightly.

“Killuaaaa!” The amber haired boy exclaims as he hugs him. “Happy birthday. You look so cute.”

Killua feels his face heat up. “Shut up idiot.” He hears people laughing as he gently hits Gon on his head. “You’re embarrassing.”

Gon laughs but lets him go. Gon holds his hand as he greets everybody at the party. Zushi comes over and smiles at Killua.

“Hey Zushi.” Killua smiles.

“Hey. You are going to like my present more than Gon’s.” Zushi laughs.

“I bet I will.” Killua laughs also looking at Gon’s pout.

“You weren’t saying that this morning when…” Gon starts mischievously but stops when Killua covers his mouth.

“Shut up idiot.” Killua grumbles his face heating up.

“What was going on this morning?” Zushi teases which just makes Killua’s face redder.

“Hey, come over here Kitten.” He hears Hisoka’s voice call. Killua gratefully breaks away to go over to Hisoka. “Looks like I saved you.”

“You did they are so embarrassing.” Killua huffs out looking at Hisoka. After everything with Illumi, Hisoka and him have gotten closer. Killua can’t seem to pay him back for protecting him and Hisoka is just content with coming over every so often to eat dinner and make inappropriate jokes and tell them vulgar stories. Plus, he LOVES Pika’s cooking. Killua doesn’t know for sure because Hisoka doesn’t open up much, but he thinks that maybe Hisoka was hungry a lot as a child. Like Leorio.

Hisoka reaches and ruffles his hair. “Man, you are almost as tall as me kitten. Oh, and you just look more and more appetizing as you get older.”

Killua laughs and pushes his hand away. “Shut up you perv.”

“What got you so embarrassed over there anyways, besides your boyfriend not having a filter. Does it have to do with the fact that when I was pulling up, I saw said boyfriend climbing out of your window?” Hisoka teases.

Killua feels his cheeks flame up again. After everything this morning Gon snuck out then came back as if he just got here for the party. “N…. No.”

“Ah did you and Gon start exploring? Well, it only took two years Kil.” Hisoka whispers since Pika was close.

“God you are so embarrassing. You all are.” Killua groans out when his face gets even redder. He almost runs over to Pika. The blonde man smiles softly as he looks over and grabs Killua’s arm gently.

“Come on. We are going to sing happy birthday because everybody wants to get to the gives.” Pika smiles.

Killua lets himself get dragged through the house to the kitchen. He sits in front of his huge cake, man he told Leorio and Pika not to go overboard and looks out to the rest of the room. Gon is smiling at him while standing next to Zushi. Mito is helping Abe into the kitchen, Hisoka is making inappropriate jokes to Leorio, and Pika is grabbing the candles. When it is time to sing, they all look at him like they love him and really want him here. They all gathered to celebrate him and to celebrate Killua being part of their family. He always thinks about how lucky he is, but it hits him sometimes that this is his life now. He has this for the rest of his life. His chest gets tight as he feels a lump in his throat from where he is holding back his tears because he refuses to do something embarrassing like cry.

Killua is really lucky.