Actions

  • Entire Work

Work Header

Rating:
Archive Warning:
Category:
Fandom:
Relationship:
Characters:
Additional Tags:
Language:
English
Series:
Part 1 of Exceedingly Awkward and Incredibly Dense
Stats:
Published:
2012-09-27
Completed:
2012-10-11
Words:
21,549
Chapters:
10/10
Comments:
281
Kudos:
1,133
Bookmarks:
227
Hits:
33,476

Ride It Out, Wait It Out

Chapter 9: The Heads on the Demonically Possessed Children go Round and Round

Notes:

Happy Monday, everybody! Hope you all had great weekends!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

In retrospect, Steve thought eventually, Tony's move to put on a horror film had been kind of inspired. It had meant that instead of worrying that he was crushing Natasha, or obsessing over the firm line of Tony's body against his, Steve spent the entire film burrowing into the two of them, hiding his face from demons and devils and spinning heads and that horrible, horrible voice. Clint had returned about halfway through, with wet hair and smelling very, very strongly of shaving cream, a problem that was explained when Thor rejoined them shortly thereafter with his own shirt streaked with foam.

"Have fun?" Tony asked, at that point unabashedly leaning his entire upper body on Steve, which worked just fine because that meant Steve could lean forward and bury his face against Tony's shoulder while gripping Natasha's arm around him so tightly she probably would sport bruises for weeks.

"You are out of the white foamy material that is put on the face to aid in removing hair," Thor commented, and then stared at the screen as Linda Blair stabbed herself with a cross. "This young woman seems to have some sort of affliction."

"Oh, shit," Clint groaned, launching himself onto the bed and crawling onto Natasha's other side. "I hate this movie! Why the hell are you watching it?"

"I don't know!" Steve cried, voice muffled by Tony's shoulder. "I'll never sleep again!"

"Neither will I after watching a shirtless Clint streak through the lounge covered in shaving cream and followed by a roaring Thor," Bruce added from the door, stumbling in. "I tried Hulking out, but even the Other Guy didn't want to be a part of that."

"Join us, Bruce," Tony said, practically climbing onto Steve's lap to make more room. "We're educating Steve."

"I don't want to learn this!" Steve snapped. "I was happier before when I didn't know about this movie!"

"Steve, it's not real," Natasha said, trying to pat him on the back but prevented from doing so by Steve's continuing grip on her arm.

"It's based on true events and you know it," Clint replied. "Do not lie to Captain America."

"This actually happened?" Steve asked in horror, looking back up at the screen again.

"It's always debatable when movies come with that disclaimer," Bruce said, settling on the edge of the bed. "Especially when it's a horror movie."

Tony attempted to splay his legs over Bruce's, but Bruce knocked him away. Tony narrowed his eyes. "Stop ruining the fun, Bruce. It's educational. It's a learning experience."

"It's a deliberate attempt to traumatize a national icon," Bruce countered.

Thor, meanwhile, had soldiered up the bed, (like, actually walked up it) and then literally was sitting in Steve's lap, kicking Steve's legs apart so he could settle between them. It would have been incredibly, incredibly awkward if not for the fact that Thor then burrowed in, shoved a pillow against his chest and pulled Tony's arm along with Clint's, which had been previously been draped over Natasha, to press against his pillow covered chest. "This film is unsettling," he groused, frowning. "What happens next?"

"We are not narrating the movie for you, Thor," Natasha replied. "You have to watch it just like everyone else."

"But I wish to know what happens next to minimize the worry," Thor responded petulantly.

"If we watched Bugs Bunny," Bruce said, "we wouldn't have this problem."

~*~

Two days later, Steve was still paranoid. It didn't help that they'd watched at three other Exorcist films over the rest of the weekend, but at least Clint was just as freaked out as Steve. Otherwise, the weekend probably would have been unbearable, with Clint jumping out of air vents and vaulting over couches and everything else that Steve knew darn well the circus raised archer could do. But Clint had been just as bothered by the films, and therefore had not spent any time at all plotting how to scare the daylights out of Steve.

Really, though, Steve didn't need Clint around to scare himself any further. He and Thor, who had also been unsettled by the movies, had accidentally (deliberately) located a website on Sunday night that had nothing but photos of potential ghost sightings. They wound up looking through the pictures until about 3 am when Natasha came in and actually disconnected the computer from the wall.

"Go to bed," she told them, waving the plug at them threateningly.

"I did not realize how freely the spirits walk in your world!" Thor cried, still staring at the computer screen in horror even though it had long gone dark. "How do you handle constant communion with the dead?"

"Most of those photos are faked," Natasha replied, tossing the plug aside and leaning down to pull at the Bewildered Blond Biceps Bros's, well, biceps (they had a group of cheerful fans to thank for that name), trying to get them out of the chairs they'd huddled together in front of the computer.

"But these photos aren't faked!" Steve protested, "they can't be! The exposure is all equal, and the lighting and everything else is perfectly even! It would be way too difficult to overexpose photographs to this level of accuracy if the photo wasn't genuine to begin with."

Natasha gave Steve a long look. "You know what, go find Stark. Ask him."

Steve's brow furrowed, and he flushed slightly. "Ask him what?"

With an eyeroll so forceful it had to be painful, Natasha succeeded in at least pulling Steve up from the chair and kicking him out towards the hall. Literally. With her foot. "Go find Stark, and once you're done blushing at him and being adorably repressed -"

"I'm not adorable," Steve grumped.

"Adorably repressed," Natasha repeated, "then ask him how it's possible to fake a photograph now that we have cameras that don't require a hand crank or whatever was common back in nineteen-aught-five."

Thor frowned, still sitting solid as a rock in his chair. "Is not Tony Stark in his laboratory? He does not appreciate being disturbed. Friend Clint has told me many stories to this effect, Lady Widow."

Natasha closed her eyes briefly before looking back at Thor. "I have the strong suspicion, Alien Thor, that Stark will let Steve in."

And that was how Steve found himself fidgeting outside of Tony's lab at 3:30 am on a Monday morning, watching Tony working on something at one of the lab's many work stations. He didn't know how long he was in there before apparently Jarvis informed Tony of Steve's presence, because while one minute Tony was entirely focused, hunched over his project, the next he had whipped his head up and was staring at Steve as if he'd never seen him before. Steve promptly flushed red, but was distracted when the glass door in front of him slid open, and he stepped cautiously inside.

"Well hello there, Soldier," Tony said, pushing himself off his stool to approach Steve. "What brings you down here at such a strange hour of the night?"

"It's actually morning," Steve pointed out helpfully, trying not to stare at Tony's arms, which were covered in grease stains that just served to highlight the dips and swells of muscle. Tony was... what was Clint's phrase? Ripped. Tony was kind of ripped.

Tony grinned. "If it's dark outside still, I call it night. What can I help you with, Spangles? I know I said I'd have the suit ready for you soon, but I got a little distracted. There's some kind of weird activity going on in the tower's communal server, and I don't know where the hell it's coming from. I also may have accidentally burned off one of the arms of your new outfit, which would be good on the eyes since you sleeveless would probably stop every bad guy dead in their tracks, not that you wearing these tight white SHIELD tees isn't pretty much every sex dream in the world -"

"What?" Steve squawked, cutting Tony off mid ramble. Steve had no idea what color his face was turning, but to his surprise, Tony actually started at the sound of Steve's voice, as if he hadn't really been entirely aware he'd been talking out loud. Tony blinked again, as if processing everything he had just been saying, and then -

- and Steve was almost entirely positive this wasn't a trick of the light -

Tony Stark actually blushed.

It was nowhere near the level of epic blushing that Steve often achieved, but there was a definite pink tinge that dusted over his cheekbones for half a moment before fading away, and Steve gaped.

"Uh, sorry, Cap. I think I'm probably running a little too close to a necessary bedtime, you know?" Tony mumbled, rubbing at the back of his neck.

Steve, for his part, was too busy trying to permanently embed the memory of what Tony had just said to him into his brain for the rest of eternity. Tony liked Steve's tee shirts? To be honest, Steve only really wore them because they were given to him for free, though he'd always kind of suspected they were probably a little too tight. He tugged on the hem of the shirt self consciously, but that only made Tony's eyes fly up to focus on his pecs, and Steve quickly aborted the movement.

"Oh my God, you're here to torture me, aren't you?" Tony asked, eyes growing dark as he looked up at Steve. "You don't even know, do you?"

Steve didn't know, but he was getting the picture that this might be something relevant to his interests. He swallowed, blinking rapidly and blushing more at even the thought of what he was about to do, before straightening his spine slowly, shoulders pulling back into his attention position. Along with making him stand even taller than Tony, then, it also pulled his shirt taut across his chest and his stomach, and the transformation as it swept over Tony's face, narrowing his gaze into one that really made Steve blush, was intense.

"Oh, you do know. Well isn't this a surprise," Tony growled.

He took one step towards Steve, eyes dark with intent and directly responsible for the tingling excitement racing up Steve's spine, when suddenly Jarvis let out a series of beeping noises, loud enough to send them both about a foot in the air.

"What the hell-?" Tony gasped, spinning around in a circle.

"Sir," Jarvis said, voice as calm as always, "I thought it prudent to inform you that Agent Romanov and Thor are descending the staircase in search of you and Captain Rogers. Thor seems very much agitated."

Tony spun back around to look at Steve, head tilted a little down, obviously looking for answers.

"I was supposed to come down here and ask you how people can fake photographs so well," Steve said, hunching his shoulders in a little, his usual at ease stance, hands slipping into his pockets. "We were looking at ghost pictures, and Natasha kept saying they were all fake. Thor and I don't believe her."

Tony stared at Steve, not saying a single word, until suddenly Natasha and Thor were both in the room. Thor was leading the way, looking slightly crazed, with a pissed off Natasha following.

"Tony Stark!" Thor bellowed. "What is the meaning of your internet source informing me incorrectly about the true nature of things?" He turned to face Steve, face thunderous. "The photographs are indeed faked, Steve. Lady Widow has shown me a modern photo working program and was able to illustrate just how said photographs have been created."

Tony shot another sidelong glance at Steve before turning back to Thor. "I don't really know why you're so up in knots, then," he said, moving to step around behind Steve to get at one of the many computer bays in the room. "Now you don't have to worry about ghosts."

Thor opened his mouth to reply and Steve tried to focus on what Thor was saying, he really did. But as Tony passed behind him, Steve felt the touch of fingers sliding firmly up his spine, guiding him back out of his slouch and into his full height before running back down to brush gently against the small of his back. He shivered, and closed his eyes for a moment.

" - and for that, there shall be WAR!"

He opened them again. "What? War where?"

Natasha was sitting on one of the stools now, her head buried in her arms on the worktop. "Thor wants to declare war on the internet for supplying him with false information."

"How exactly do you propose to wage war against the non entity of the internet?" Tony asked, fingertips still playing along Steve's spine, hidden from the view of the two others in the room but very much apparent to Steve, who was having a very hard time not squirming.

"I shall unleash a virus!" Thor declared, crossing his arms over his chest. "This virus shall cripple the internet's servers, and will continue to do so until this force agrees to my demands."

There was a moment of silence again. Tony's hand dropped from Steve's back, and Natasha slowly rose from the table.

"Thor," Natasha said carefully, "what do you know, exactly, about viruses?"

Thor frowned. "Well, according to the wall of fire that is on my computer, the disc that Friend Clint gave me full of video clips cannot be accessed because of the viruses that have affected the integrity of the disc."

Tony and Natasha exchanged another look. "What kind of clips, Thor?"

Thor shrugged. "I am not certain, as I was unable to access them for this reason and instead helped my burning computer wall by burning the disc myself in a small trash can fire. But Friend Clint seemed to think these clips would help me in the absence of Jane. He apparently has many of these clips on his own computer."

Tony stared into space for a long minute, and then let loose such an impressive list of curses that Steve actually took a step back before recalling Tony's earlier words.

"Tony," he said, "that weird activity you talked about on the tower's server..."

"I am going to kill Clint," Tony snarled, throwing himself at the main computer terminal, typing furiously and muttering under his breath to Jarvis all while maintaining his other conversation. "I cannot believe that dumbass got a porn virus onto my goddamn servers, and I completely missed it! I'm going to break every single one of his fingers and then break all the bones in his hands and I swear to God I will launch him from the roof and -"

And that was how Steve learned about computer viruses. Though really, he couldn't help but feel like he'd been cheated out of learning about something else.

Notes:

Aaaand the end approaches. *dramatic music plays*

No idea what exactly I will do with my life after this..