Chapter Text
it’s lung cancer.
because, of course, it is.
“you’re…you’re kidding, right?”
sana’s trembling. dahyun sullenly shakes her head.
“what…what stage?”
momo’s trying to stay strong, but the way her hands are gripping the bedsheets so tightly give her away.
“…four.”
dahyun whispers. sana lets out a choked sob, her hands over her mouth.
“you…you need to get treated. chemotherapy or something, right? we need to…to bring you to the hospital, dahyun.”
momo’s voice is getting heated, obviously aggravated.
dahyun simply shakes her head again.
“no?! what do you mean no?! dahyun, you’re fucking dying! you can’t just ignore this!”
dahyun stays quiet.
“y-you’ve been hiding this from us this whole time, haven’t you?”
sana’s looking at her, eyes begging her to finally tell the truth.
“this is…this is why you came back.”
the revelation strikes momo as she inhales sharply, the way dahyun further shrinks back only confirming her suspicions.
“you came back because…you found out?”
dahyun’s quiet for a moment, until she responds.
“i…i wanted to get my affairs in order.”
it’s dark. the way dahyun talks, it’s as if she’s trying to show that it doesn’t bother her, but the way her breath has turned unsteady is a sign of the contrary.
“your affairs in order? dahyun, are you hearing yourself?”
momo shakes her head in disbelief, wondering how exactly this all went wrong.
“d-dahyun, we can fix this, you…you just need to go to the hospital, and we can…we can get you the treatment you need…and everything will be okay.”
sana’s hyperventilating at this point, and it sounds as if she’s talking more to herself than to anyone else.
“i…i think i have enough in my savings. we just need to find a good hospital somewhere around here. we can ask jeongyeon-unnie. she’ll definitely know someone or somewhere we can go to.”
momo nods incessantly, building off of what sana’s saying.
“there’s no point.”
dahyun’s words cut through both of them.
“no…no point?”
sana whispers back.
“dahyun, you can’t…is this it? you’re not going to fight this?”
momo grasps dahyun’s hand, not believing dahyun’s words.
dahyun merely shakes her head, a defeated smile on her face as tears pour down her cheeks.
“i already tried, unnie.”
sana holds dahyun’s other hand, on the verge of tears herself.
“w-what do you mean?”
dahyun exhales slowly.
“…seven years. i’ve been gone for seven years.”
and then it dawns on them.
“you…this is why you left?”
momo’s gone stock still, pale white.
“i was…i was diagnosed in senior year. it was stage two at the time.”
sana’s hand slackens, mouth agape as she stares at dahyun.
“my parents wanted…wanted to be sure, so they booked this fancy hospital in the states. we…we have a history of it. lung cancer, i mean. that’s why my parents wanted to be sure.”
they’re staring at her, each word coming from her materializing the dread in their stomachs.
“at first we thought it was alright, because it hadn’t spread, but…then it metastasized. stage three. my parents brought me to europe to see this special expert or something, but it didn’t pan out, so we went back.”
they’re crying now. all three of them. sana’s breathing has shallowed, hands covering her mouth as she shakes. momo’s tears are flowing freely, but it’s like she hasn’t taken notice of them, too caught up in dahyun’s words.
“i…i fought. all i’ve ever wanted to do was fight. it would clear out, we thought i’d be okay, but then the cancer would come back, and i’d have to do it all over again.”
dahyun’s hugging herself, arms trying to provide some semblance of warmth as she rocks back and forth slowly, eyes closed as she tells her story.
“then…early this year, it progressed again. stage four. the doctors gave me ten months. that was in march.”
it’s june now. the end of spring.
“if i underwent any treatment, the doctors told me it might extend those ten months up to a year, maybe two. that is, if the chemo didn’t kill me first.”
the surrounding neighborhood’s always been quiet, but not like this. now, it’s as if the whole world has closed them out, the door shut on the three of them.
“i…decided to stop fighting.”
dahyun exhales again, slowly, gathering her breath again.
“my parents tried to convince me otherwise, but…once they saw that i wouldn’t change my mind, they didn’t protest anymore. they said i could go anywhere, do anything, and they’d support me. so…”
dahyun looks up at the two other women, who are coming down from the shock, now only filled with a terrible, cold feeling that sinks in their chest.
“…you came back.”
momo finishes, her breath no longer angry, only quiet and cold.
dahyun nods, looking back down at the bed they’re sitting on.
“why…why’d you stop fighting, dahyun?”
sana asks, but even then, both of them already know why.
“the only reason i ever fought was so i could come back. to…to this. to you. what would be the point of all those years if i couldn’t even see you before i…?”
dahyun hugs herself tighter at that.
“i…i didn’t want to…to go alone, in a cold hospital, so far from everyone i…everyone i love.”
she closes her eyes, not bothering to wipe away the tears.
“i just wanted to see everyone one more time.”
she buries her nails into her own skin, leaving marks.
“i just wanted to see you two one more time.”
she swallows, raw and ugly as she clears her throat.
“before i…before i pass.”
there’s quiet in the room. no one knows what to say. and who would?
so many years, spent in the wake of dahyun’s departure. so many years, being sad and angry for the wrong reasons. so many years, believing they were abandoned.
they weren’t wrong. they are being abandoned. just not on purpose.
“dahyun…i…”
momo reaches out her hand, an offer for dahyun to hold.
she hesitates, and she can see momo’s heart break with every second she doesn’t take it.
she eventually does, but her hold is weak, anxious.
“i…we…we love you. you know that, right?”
her eyes flick towards sana, who’s shifting in her place, eyes still red and teary as she looks at dahyun’s hand.
dahyun reaches out, and sana takes her hand in the blink of an eye. she holds her hand in both hands, fingers trembling as she runs them over dahyun’s.
“w-we love you, dahyun.”
sana affirms, and even with how shaky her voice is, it still holds strong when she says something she believes in.
dahyun doesn’t say anything, but she nods.
“you know that…and you know that we’d do anything for you. anything. right?”
dahyun nods again, and by the second, momo’s voice is getting firmer, more stable as she tries to be the anchor for her girls.
“so…so if you tell us that this is what you want…you know we’ll support you.”
a fresh wave of tears comes over sana as she sobs, momo reaching over to clench her other hand. dahyun rubs as comfortingly as she can, but it’s hard to do that when all she wants to do is cry as well.
“is…is this what you want? to stop fighting?”
a haunting silence comes over the three.
dahyun nods. her lips part to speak, and in her face, sana and momo can see the exhaustion, the fatigue, the weariness in dahyun’s face, seven years of it.
“i’m…i’m tired, unnie.”
it breaks their hearts. hearing just how tired dahyun is, seven years of being alone, all because she wanted to come back.
with that, momo brings dahyun close, into a hug, sana close behind as they close in on their youngest.
“we’ve…we have you, dahyun.”
dahyun begins to sob, loud and wretching as the dam finally breaks.
“you don’t need to fight anymore.”
all sana and momo can do is hold tighter as her cries get louder and louder.
“you’re here with us, dahyun. you’re not going anywhere.”
sana whispers, her own tears refusing to stop pouring as she clenches as tight as she can.
“we love you. so, so much.”
momo cradles dahyun’s head in one hand, the other snaking around sana’s back.
“unnie…”
dahyun whispers only one thing in response, and it’s enough to break all three of them.
“i don’t want to die.”
in the darkness of the night, three cries intermingle, sorrow and desolation overtaking what used to be one of the happiest places in the world.
it’s not bliss anymore.
it’s the truth. cold, hard, and ugly.
but with it, comes levity. and a freedom that they didn’t have before.
things change.
they all wake up early now. they prepare breakfast together, even if their kitchen only fits three people. they make a mess and giggle when dahyun burns another piece of bread, when sana gets pancake batter on her nose, when momo flips an omelette perfectly.
they go to work together. sana drives momo to work, and she kisses the two of them goodbye. then she and dahyun drive back to the kindergarten, where dahyun occasionally helps sana with the kids.
they finish after sunset, and even though they’re tired, they cook dinner, packing it into portable lunchboxes, and they drive to momo’s workplace, where they wait for momo to finish, talking and playing around in the parking lot.
when momo comes out, they have dinner together in the car, trading stories and laughing over jokes until it’s time to go home.
they arrive at home, and everyone’s tired. but they still do their nightly routine together, all the way up until they cram themselves into bed.
the nights have changed too.
talking becomes more frequent. sana and momo are all too eager to know what’s happened in dahyun’s seven years, now that she can speak freely.
making love becomes more frequent as well. nights like those are more passionate, more heartfelt, as they express their love for each other knowing now what they have to lose.
there are no more nights where they do nothing.
if they’re not talking or not making love, they’re crying.
sometimes, only one of them cries. the other two comfort her, wrapping her in warm blankets and soft embraces. other times, two of them cry. the third does her best to remain stable for both of them as she coos and whispers hushed reassurances.
most nights, it’s all three of them. they try and stand strong for one another, but how can they, when all of them are so caught up in the love they have for each other that they can’t even begin to fathom the pain of losing even one of them?
usually it’s sana who cries first. she’s always been the one who’s felt things on a deeper level. when she sees her unnie cry, dahyun can’t help but shed a few tears as well. and if both of her girls are crying, momo’s not one to hide how she feels.
this is the truth. dahyun tried her best to prevent them from seeing it, but it’s showed itself anyway.
but it’s a good thing, she supposes. she no longer has to tiptoe when she talks, no longer has to watch what she says, no longer has to walk on eggshells. there’s no more hiding for dahyun.
dahyun can cry, and they will understand. they will comfort her. they will take her into their embrace and say that they are here, and they will not leave.
that is perhaps the most important part.
“summer’s here.”
momo comments, a light breeze washing over them as they walk down the pathway. she’s got one hand shoved into her pocket and the other holding dahyun’s hand, fingers interlaced.
“yeah. i love the sun. it’s a nice change of pace.”
as if to demonstrate her point, dahyun stops for a moment under the brightness of the sun, a particularly luminous ray hitting her in the perfect spot. a big smile forms on her face, one that warms momo’s heart.
“a little too hot for my taste, but to each their own, i suppose.”
she chuckles, and dahyun shoots her a faux-glare. they stroll down the pathway, hand in hand. the park’s got quite a fair bit of people, probably since the weather’s pretty good today.
momo wouldn’t consider herself an outdoor person. the only reason they’re at the park is because dahyun asked. and momo would never turn her down.
“why’d you want to come out here, dahyun?”
dahyun shrugs at the question, gaze still fixed on the sky as she traces the outlines of the faint clouds in the sky that wander by.
“i just wanted to go out for a bit. somewhere outside our usual places.”
momo nods. their routine isn’t getting tiring, in fact, momo loves it. but the need to see other things is something that resonates with her as well.
“america and europe not good enough for you?”
she teases, and dahyun lightly shoves her, giving her an exasperated smile.
“i didn’t get to go out very often, you know. all i got to see were white walls and and white beds.”
they quiet after that. for a second, momo’s afraid that she’s made a mistake, drawing the topic back to dahyun’s condition.
“let’s sit down, unnie.”
dahyun leads, and momo follows, as they sit down on a bench overlooking a stretch of grass in the center of the park. children are playing, people are jogging or walking their dogs, the sun’s shining a fair bit today.
“it’s a nice day.”
dahyun hums, legs swinging back and forth on the bench.
“not as nice as you, dahyunnie.”
momo’s line draws another roll of the eyes from dahyun, but an exasperated smile comes upon her lips.
“you’re so cheesy, unnie.”
momo presses a kiss to dahyun’s temple, squeezing her hand.
“only for you and sana.”
they watch the grass for a while like that.
“i wasn’t lying before, you know.”
momo turns to look at dahyun, curiously.
“i’ve always wanted to go to america.”
she listens, dahyun’s eyes lost in that faraway gaze again, where she sees something in the distance, far from where they are now.
“i wanted to…go to new york, times square and take in all the pretty lights. the golden gate bridge in san fran. mount rushmore. hoover dam. the grand canyon. niagara falls. hollywood.”
momo’s heard of these places, and she’s never really shown interest in them, but the way dahyun’s speaking makes her want to see them all.
“a roadtrip across america would have been really cool, too.”
dahyun sighs, looking down at the ground, and it’s evident that the wanderlust that had always been so present in her never really went away.
“so, why didn’t you? your parents said they’d support anything you wanted to do, right? why not go on a roadtrip? to all those places?”
she shakes her head softly, hand squeezing momo’s.
“it wouldn’t have mattered. not if you weren’t there with me.”
momo stills.
“in all my dreams of traveling, unnie, you and sana-unnie were always by my side.”
dahyun confesses, faint smile forming on her face as she watches children playing tag across the grass near them.
momo clenches her hand.
“i have…we have money. we can go. anywhere you like. north america, south america, europe, asia, wherever.”
dahyun leans her head onto momo’s shoulder as momo tenses in determination, for dahyun’s sake.
“i’ll take you wherever you want to go, dahyun.”
and she will. she doesn’t care if she has to file for an extended leave, nor if she has to leave all of her work unfinished, not even if she gets fired.
if that’s what dahyun wants, by god, she’s going to get it.
“that’s okay, unnie.”
the warm sun of summer is nowhere close to the biting chill of winter, but it is a warning of what is to come next.
despite that, dahyun softly laughs, closing her eyes as momo leans her head onto dahyun’s.
“i’m already where i want to be.”
“alright, everybody, let’s all say goodbye to each other!”
a number of high-pitched, childish yells reverberate through sana’s eardrums.
“goodbye, class! goodbye, teacher sana!”
the kids are all excited to go home, and honestly, so is sana. her bones are all tired from having to carry children down from those darned trees in their playground.
“let’s all say goodbye to teacher dahyun, too!”
if possible, the yells get more excited, and sana’s not sure whether or not she’s jealous that the kids like dahyun more, or sympathetic, now that dahyun has the kids’ attention.
“see you next time, kiddos!”
but for whatever reason, dahyun seems to revel in their attention, entertaining the most inane of questions and assumptions from the kids.
her students file out of her classroom, excited cheers and hollers out of being dismissed.
as soon as the last kid leaves, sana straight up collapses in her chair.
“that tired, huh?”
dahyun chuckles, collecting papers on the kids’ desks that are full of doodles and scribbles.
“don’t even get me started. i love them, but i’m just glad they’re going home.”
sana sighs in relief, quiet finally overtaking the usually noisy classroom.
“do you want to head home already? or do you want to catch your breath for a bit here?”
she slumps her head into her arms on the teacher’s desk, letting out a groan at the thought of having to drive.
“i’ll take that as the latter, then.”
dahyun giggles from out of sana’s periphery, the sound of papers being filed being the only white noise in the room, almost lulling sana to sleep.
then she feels a kiss on the back of her head.
“if you fall asleep like that, unnie, your back problems will only get worse.”
dahyun’s standing over sana as she sits in her chair, eyes shining with mirth.
sana spins the chair in her direction, patting her lap. dahyun takes the gesture, sitting down on sana’s lap as sana’s arms curl around her middle and sana buries her face into dahyun’s shoulder.
“ah, i’m exhausted, dahyunnie.”
“from dealing with kids? they’re like, half your size, unnie.”
sana grumbles, increasing her hold on the younger woman when she laughs.
“yeah, but they have twice the energy. did you see how jisung jumped down from the monkey bars, hit his head, and still managed to run around as if he didn’t have a swelling bruise? that kid’s going to have brain damage, i swear.”
“i did see that. i thought it was quite charming.”
considering dahyun was the one who pressed a cute cartoon bandaid to jisung’s forehead, sang him a little song to stop him from crying, and pressed a kiss to the bruise, sana’s not surprised.
“i’ll bet you did.”
she mutters, and dahyun giggles.
“unnie, are you jealous of jisung because i kissed his bruise?”
sana pouts, entirely caught in the act as dahyun giggles some more.
“well…yeah. should i not be?”
“jisung’s a kid, unnie. if i had one of my own kids, then i’d—”
dahyun stops herself before she can continue. sana can feel dahyun’s breath hitch and throat clog as the thoughts swirl. sana knows why, immediately softening her hold, rubbing dahyun’s side softly as she whispers her name in comfort.
“dahyunnie.”
among the three of them, dahyun was always the one who wanted kids the most.
“i…i know, unnie. it’s just…idle dreams, i guess.”
the idea of a small momo, a small sana, or even a small dahyun, running around their little home, laughing and cheering makes sana’s heart ache.
sana’s not sure what to say, so she hugs dahyun tighter, hoping to convey all of her feelings theough her touch. by the way dahyun’s softly stroking her arm, she can tell dahyun understands.
“it’s funny. i’ve always wanted a kid. a cute little girl. but i never even thought once about what i’d name her.”
dahyun’s voice shakes slightly, and sana prays that she doesn’t cry, because if she does, then sana will cry, and her classroom might not be the best place for it.
“i always used to wonder why my parents named me dahyun.”
it’s an idle thought, and sana can’t help but answer it.
“i think dahyun’s the most beautiful name i’ve ever heard.”
dahyun says nothing to that. she only leans further into sana’s touch, eyes fluttering shut as she dreams another dream that won’t ever come to fruition.
sana holds tightly.
dahyun. it’s a beautiful name.
“we should hold a party.”
dahyun says one night, as sana’s twirling a finger through dahyun’s hair, as momo’s tracing the lines on dahyun’s palm, as they bask in the quiet of the night.
“a party?”
dahyun nods, stretching out the hand that momo’s not holding out against the space above the bed, measuring it against the ceiling.
“yeah. then we can invite everyone to come. and we can eat snacks and play games and have fun. just like old times.”
old times, when the nine of them were all living in the same rented dormitory, old and presumably haunted, but with the cheapest rates on campus.
“that sounds nice.”
momo nods, holding up her hand to press against dahyun’s, the size difference making dahyun pout and momo chuckle.
“yeah, it sounds like fun.”
sana buries her hands into dahyun’s hair, massaging her scalp, softly smiling at the low groans of satisfaction that leave dahyun’s mouth.
“do you think they’ll come?”
dahyun doesn’t shun from the affection. far from it. she revels in it. it’s all she’s ever wanted for the past seven years. she’s not going to deny herself of it any longer.
“of course, they will. why wouldn’t they?”
it’s hard to say for sure. they’re all living their own lives now, caught up in their own ordinary troubles and mundane problems. dahyun’s not sure if they can spare the time.
“we haven’t seen each other in a while, so they’ll definitely make the time.”
sana and momo aren’t the only people who dahyun technically abandoned. there’s no guarantee they’ll all receive the news that dahyun’s back in the same grace they have.
“do you think…they’ll be mad at me?”
dahyun buries her face into sana’s chest, sighing as sana continues to massage her scalp and as momo begins to knead her palm.
“they might be. i know chaeyoung’s still mad.”
she winces, but she’s held firmly in place by sana’s arms that wrap around her.
“but she won’t be mad for long. you know her. burns twice as bright but only half as long.”
chaeyoung always has been quick to aggravate.
“do you…want us to tell them, dahyunnie? about…your condition?”
dahyun thinks for a bit, then shakes her head. sana expects the response, choosing only to hum as dahyun explains.
“i don’t want to ruin the mood with it. maybe…maybe after the party?”
momo nods, her hands creeping up over dahyun’s back to gently push and massage sore spots.
“okay, dahyun. anything for you.”
the soft ministrations on dahyun’s head and her back lull her into sleep, fully comforted by the two warm bodies that are next to her. she whispers, her eyelids drooping as she snuggles further into sana’s chest.
“i love you two.”
they whisper back, holding the most precious woman alive in their arms, only the best of care reserved for her.
“we love you too, dahyun.”
there are a variety of reactions when they all see dahyun.
“holy crap.”
nayeon drops the handmade cake they’ve made for the party. she’s quick to hug dahyun, then pinch her everywhere, just to make sure that she’s real and corporeal.
“d-dahyun-ah?”
mina’s mouth hangs open, eyes widening at her form. she recovers quickly and gives her a seemingly nonchalant hug, but dahyun catches her staring at her a few times, as if she’s seen a ghost.
“oh my god.”
jihyo straight up faints upon seeing her, falling into jeongyeon’s arms. then, when she wakes, she begins to fuss over dahyun’s appearance and wellbeing, like a doting mother.
“where in the world have you been?”
jeongyeon probably takes it the smoothest, greeting dahyun kindly and grinning brightly at her. she plays second mother hen like jihyo, making sure she’s eating right.
“…”
chaeyoung slaps her. then she leaves.
“i’m sorry, i better go get her.”
tzuyu bows, gives dahyun one very tight hug, whispering about how much she’s missed her unnie. then she follows after chaeyoung, leaving the house.
dahyun could almost fall to the ground, crying softly at her best friend’s rejection, if not for the two women that immediately go to make sure she’s okay.
“hey, hey, you’re alright, dahyun. it’s just chaeyoung being chaeyoung.”
momo pulls her close, arm over one shoulder as she recognizes the telltale signs that dahyun’s about to cry.
“is your cheek okay? do you need ice? do you want to sit down?”
sana guides dahyun over to the couch, where she sits down, a few tears already going down her reddening cheek.
the other women stand awkwardly, until nayeon comments.
“well, it’s good to see at least some things haven’t changed. you two still dote on her like she’s a friggin’ baby.”
it has no place in the awkward tension of the living room, but it’s enough to draw a laugh from dahyun’s lips.
and just like that, they converge on dahyun, surrounding her as they barrage her with questions.
“one at a time, girls.”
momo fixes them with a stern frown as dahyun’s clearly more than a little overwhelmed.
“where have you been all this time, dahyun-ah?”
jeongyeon’s brow furrows. dahyun shrugs.
“america, most of the time. arizona, minnesota, florida. went around those three states a lot. um, went to europe for a bit. zurich, in switzerland. but then i went back to america, and…now i’m here.”
“what were you doing over there?”
mina leans forward, eyes wide. dahyun hums, considering the question.
“i was with family. um, yeah. mostly that.”
“and what exactly was so important that you decided you couldn’t contact us?”
jihyo crosses her arms, frowning. dahyun winces at her tone.
“i, um…well, i was…it was too…things were…um.”
she fumbles for a bit, before sana comes to her rescue.
“she just needed some time, okay, unnie?”
her voice is soft and meaningful, and upon hearing it, jihyo relents, still looking at dahyun with a mixture of worry and confusion.
their friends are not stupid. they can tell something’s up. but sana and momo apprehend every attempt at uncovering what it is, saving dahyun from the tougher questions, until everyone gets the hint.
they’re still worried, but for now, they let up, much to dahyun’s relief.
“right, now that the serious part’s over, party!”
nayeon grins, raising her hands up. mina rolls her eyes.
“you dropped the cake, nayeonnie.”
“oh shit, i dropped the cake!”
everyone laughs, and for a moment, dahyun forgets the stinging pain on her cheek, and instead basks in the presence of these women that she’d missed so much.
the party’s a right mess. that is, for adults their age. if they were still young, this party would have been considered quite tame.
a potluck’s been set up, with everyone bringing their own food for sharing. it’s quite the spread, with a mixture of home-cooked meals and rather expensive looking take out.
right before dinner, chaeyoung and tzuyu come back, with chaeyoung absolutely in tears, blubbering and apologizing.
“i’m sorry, dahyun, i just missed you so much, please don’t go away again, i’m sorry i slapped you, don’t be mad at me please, i—”
dahyun cuts her off when she hugs her, chaeyoung’s cries only getting louder as she clenches tightly around her best friend.
before dahyun knows it, she’s crying as well, arms around one of the most important people in her life.
“wow, what a couple of sad bitches, huh?”
nayeon chortles. jeongyeon snorts.
“yeah, and we’re not even drunk yet.”
“w-wait, we’re drinking tonight?”
dahyun giggles as chaeyoung immediately rushes to pop open a bottle of wine for everyone as they eat. tzuyu squeezes her arm meaningfully, giving her a soft smile as she goes to watch over her partner.
they dine over excessive chatter, most of it directed towards dahyun, as they try to catch her up on everyone’s goings-on.
jihyo and jeongyeon are doing well for themselves. they live in the city, after all, and you need to be doing well to stay there with such a high cost of living. jihyo’s one of their top executives in their company, while jeongyeon heads the i.t. department. their firm’s gotten bigger, and it seems like there’s only success in their future. dahyun admires all of their hard work, they really deserve to be where they’re at right now.
mina and nayeon are maybe doing just as well. nayeon, despite being that sassy rich girl from a chaebol family, has acclimated quite nicely to the simple life in the countryside, enjoys it more than her life in the city, even. mina’s taken over the farm from her parents, and promises to send over some of their produce when they can. they’re trying for a baby or looking to adopt, apparently, something that endears to dahyun.
chaeyoung and tzuyu, apparently, are having pretty hectic lives with their café. it’s not as easy as they make it out to be in pop culture, and often chaeyoung complains about the workload. but, apparently, they’re managing to make it work, and neither of them would give it up for anything. chaeyoung’s exploring her art hobby on the side, while tzuyu seems to have taken up knitting for herself. it’s cute, cozy, and it screams chaeyoung and tzuyu.
but on the more important side, they haven’t changed as much as dahyun thought they would have.
jihyo’s still that doting dorm manager that would knock on everyone’s door just to make sure everyone’s safe at night.
jeongyeon’s still that hardworking and intelligent bookworm, always willing to tutor the other dorm girls.
nayeon’s still that loud and rowdy varsity athlete that’s always up at three am, driving everyone crazy with her singing.
mina’s still that quiet and serene figure that looks over everyone with her actions more than her words.
chaeyoung’s still that feisty and heated liberal arts student always fresh from a protest or a rally.
tzuyu’s still that markedly talented musician who seems to be more mature than everyone combined.
not much has changed, and yet, everything has changed. chalk it up to missing seven years of their lives, but dahyun feels both familiar and foreign with them.
after dinner, they break out the wine. that’s right, the wine. no longer are they college students, buying shitty cocktails in cheap bars and leeching drinks off of horny college boys and girls. now, they’re sophisticated, refined adults.
“bleh, this tastes like ass. got any beer?”
“nayeonnie! that’s rude!”
or, at least most of them are.
stories become wilder, tales turn taller, and laughs get louder as the women get tipsy.
“oh, you know jeongyeon broke a vase with a piece of lego?”
“jeez, you break one thing and no one forgets it.”
“you stepped on a lego piece and cursed so hard you threw it at the vase, unnie.”
“and so?! it hurt, alright!?”
she’s missed this. she’s missed them, and everything that comes with them.
“did you know that coffee goes pretty well with alcohol when mixed properly?”
“would you find it weird if i said yes, yes i did?”
“that’s concerning, jihyo-unnie. do you need a therapist? i know a good one.”
“i’ve already got one, thanks.”
it’s fun, it’s light, and it’s easy. dahyun loves everything about it.
she almost doesn’t want it to end, that the nine of them could stay here, in sana and momo’s house, and they could relive and redo all of their four years of college together.
but unfortunately, that isn’t the way things work, as she’s reminded by the two women at her side that squeeze her hand softly whenever she gets too lost in the nostalgia. she’s grateful for it.
soon, everyone has to leave, designated drivers nudging their drunken partners as the clock hits eleven.
“remember when we’d used to stay out drinking until the sun came up?”
nayeon’s the tipsiest among them as she hums pleasantly. mina’s by her side, hands combing through nayeon’s hair.
“my liver remembers, yes, unnie.”
chaeyoung grimaces, a light dusting of pink on her cheeks as tzuyu helps her up from her chair.
“we’re too old for that kind of thing now.”
jihyo grumbles as jeongyeon pokes her cheek repeatedly, in an effort to get her to pack up.
“speak for yourself, i’m still young and limber.”
momo lets out a loud laugh, stretching from side to side as if to prove her point. sana giggles from next to her.
dahyun smiles at them all as they ready themselves to leave.
“thanks for coming, everyone.”
dahyun bows, a light and easy warmth settling upon her shoulders as everyone pauses in their movement.
“this…this means a lot to me, really. i’m really glad i got to see you all again.”
one last time. it goes unsaid. only sana and momo seem to hear it.
“yah. why are you speaking like that? it sounds like you’re dying or something.”
chaeyoung laughs, lightly stumbling over to dahyun to hug her, warm breath still smelling of alcohol.
dahyun ignores the slight twinge of guilt she feels, not telling them, and catches her, laughing as she does. it’s the signal for everyone to romp on over to dahyun, making her the center of a big hug that has her retreating to the past, when everything was much, much simpler.
when all she had to worry about was getting enough units for a semester, getting through a class with a terrible professor, working part-time at that record store, and paying the rent.
when she could look forward to hanging out with tzuyu at the record store, to bantering with chaeyoung during class, to listening to music quietly with mina, to getting doted on by jihyo, to studying in the library with jeongyeon, to buying new clothes with nayeon.
when she knew she’d have momo waiting for her at home, ready to take her in her arms and comfort her over another failed test or botched report.
when she knew she’d have sana taking her out to cheer her up, bringing her to almost every place imaginable, as long as she could see dahyun smile.
those days are gone.
this is what they have right now.
dahyun wishes she had more of it.
“do you ever think about what would have happened if i stayed?”
dahyun asks one night, with her hair mussed and sweat layered over her skin. sana presses her head into the crook of dahyun’s neck, despite the stickiness of both of their skins, a questioning hum reverberating through her chest.
“like, after college?”
dahyun nods, slowly. it was a long time ago, and she’s still not sure if she should talk about it. she hurt them by leaving, she knows that, and she wonders if it would be better to not speak of it.
momo lies on her other side, flat on her stomach as she plays with dahyun’s hand, fleetingly pressing kisses to it like it’s something sacred.
“i suppose we’d be able to do this a lot more.”
dahyun chuckles, the afterglow of their night still high above their heads. sex wasn’t something that dahyun had been too fond of, but with sana and momo, it’s a different story entirely.
“i’m serious, unnie. do you think we would have had…this? what we have now?”
it’s close to perfect, what they have now. there’s no other word for it. the loving domesticity of it all, and the fact that none of them take any of their time with each other for granted. all of them savor each and every single moment, enscribing it into the halls of their memory so that this, so that what they have will not be forgotten.
but dahyun can’t help but feel like it could have been better.
“what we have now? no, i don’t think so. we’d probably be closer. we’d have more time with each other after all.”
dahyun tries to ignore the way it stings, when momo speaks that way, when sana momentarily falters in her hold upon hearing it.
“oh…”
maybe she should have stayed then. she tried her best and still ended up where she was, so maybe there was no point to it all.
“but…i think it would have been a little less meaningful. absence makes the heart grow fonder, after all.”
momo turns onto her side, teeth showing in a soft smile as she presses her body against dahyun’s, leaning her head onto dahyun’s outstretched arm.
“but, unnie…wouldn’t you have wanted more time with me?”
time. it’s beginning to sicken her, looking at clocks and seeing the calendar. the way the hands tick down, and the dates are crossed out. she needs more time.
“if i hadn’t left, we…we could have done so much more. been so much more. together. the three of us. i…i just think sometimes if i had just stayed, then maybe…maybe things might be better than they are now. we’d be better than we are now.”
she rambles, as she does. she could never hide things from sana and momo, not by a longshot. her feelings always somehow bubble to the surface, like air at the bottom of the sea.
“dahyunnie…”
sana murmurs, soft and sweet, into dahyun’s neck.
“…can you imagine us any better than we are now?”
dahyun falters. she can’t. she really can’t. what they have now is everything she’s dreamed of, everything she’s ever wanted, everything she’s spent seven years of treatment for.
“…no.”
sana sighs into her warmth as she tugs dahyun closer.
“then what’s the use of wondering about that kind of stuff?”
it’s true. there is no point in worrying about the past, because it’s gone now. but given dahyun’s condition, the past is all she can think about.
“i just…i just wanted more time with you two.”
there it is, the tears are beginning to form now. seems like dahyun will be the first to cry tonight. sana and momo preemptively feel her shudder, and momo’s quick to press herself even closer.
“hey, hey, it’s okay, dahyunnie. we understand.”
hiccups leave her throat, and she doesn’t stop the flowing of tears as she begins to weep quietly, still suspended in the arms of the two people she loves the most.
“unnie, i…”
momo cuts dahyun off, pressing one finger to her lips.
“shush, now. time doesn’t matter. the past, the future, who cares? what we have is this. you, me, sana. together.”
she runs her hands through dahyun’s hair as she shakes, her fingers softly grazing her scalp soothingly.
“dahyunnie, what’s happened has happened. what matters is we’re here with you right now, okay?”
sana squeezes her hold on dahyun, arms wrapped around her bare midriff as her skin is cool to the touch.
“and we’re not letting go.”
in another life, maybe they did have more time together. time spent in each other’s arms, caring for one another, looking out for one another, and loving one another.
but now, what they have is this.
“…okay, unnie.”
and regardless of what could have been, dahyun is happy with what they have.
“i just need to use the bathroom, unnie.”
“alright. do you need us to go with you?”
“i’m not a child unnie, i can take care of mys—”
cough.
“i-i…can take care of—”
cough, cough.
“d-dahyun?”
“dahyun, are you okay?”
“i-i…i’m okay, unnie, i just—”
cough, cough, cough.
“oh my god, dahyun.”
“fuck, let me get some water.”
“i’m fi—”
cough.
“no, you’re not fine. sana? call an ambulance, please.”
“o-okay.”
“n-no, don’t—”
cough, cough.
“dahyun. we have to—”
cough, cough, cough.
“d-dahyun!”
“oh my god.”
cough, cough, cough.
“s-sana, please, just…just get the phone, okay? i have her.”
“…dahyun, h-hang in there, okay? i-i’m calling an ambulance.”
“…”
“u-unnie?”
“y-yeah?”
“i-i love yo—”
cough.
“…”
“dahyun…?”
“…”
“d-dahyun, this isn’t funny, come on.”
“…”
“s-sana, the phone! please, dahyun, please.”
“…”
“th-they’re on their way, i just—”
“…”
“n-no. dahyun? no, no, no.”
“…”
“she’s…she’s still breathing, we just…just make her comfortable, okay?”
“m-momo, i—”
“until the ambulance gets here. help me bring her to the bed.”
“what i-if she’s—”
“sana, please. we have to. for dahyun.”
“…o-okay. okay. okay.”
“dahyun, we have you, okay? we’ve got you.”
“w-we’re right here, dahyun. always.”
summer leaves, and autumn comes with the gentle blowing of the breeze, the beginning of a cold biting chill.