Chapter Text
There was something calling him back to Coruscant.
Anakin mumbled. Who was disturbing him? The ground felt soft and warm under him. He wanted to stay here a bit longer… just a bit longer…
The voice came back, incessant.
Lord Vader…
It came from a presence within his mind. The presence was slippery and oily, leaving traces everywhere it passed. Anaki– no, the voice hadn’t called him that. Vader wondered how it had crossed past his shields. Didn't it know coming in without knocking was rude?
I am saving your life, you worthless Apprentice!
Saving his life? Vader felt confused. A small nap had never hurt anyone, right?
Wake up.
Why? Vader felt nice here. There was no pain. No sins. He could just float without worries.
By the moon goddess. So much work and all I get is this.
The person in his head was very rude, Vader decided.
This is an order, Lord Vader. Wake. Up.
The voice was so annoying. Maybe listening to it would shut it up? He experimentally tried to move a leg. His world exploded in pain. Vader didn’t hesitate before retreating, and unconsciousness welcomed him back with open arms.
Except the voice was pulling him towards the pain.
My Apprentice shall not die in such a cowardly way!
Agony set his nerves alight again. Except this time, Vader found it slightly more tolerating. It was as if the Dark shielded him from the worst of it, allowing him to keep a cool mind. Awareness slowly poured back. Vader had control again.
In his mind, the presence spoke.
Good. I expect you back immediately.
Then Vader was alone again.
He checked his body. It was dying.
Vader was not surprised. He had lost a lot of blood since his last moment of awareness, and the lack of oxygen made him dizzy. Pushing forward would be no easy feat. Sidious had shown him a few Sith crafts however, among them was one which he could use now.
Vader considered laying back on the comfortable earth.
Dying had felt nice… he thought he even sensed Padmé.
He doubted Sidious would let him, however. Not after all the effort the Emperor had made to patch him up after Mustafar. Vader had a duty. A debt to repay.
Plus, if he died here, he wouldn’t get the pleasure of watching Kenobi burn. Nor torture Infil’a to death. The Dark purred at the thought, urging him forward. The sooner he was on his feet, the sooner he could make more Jedi pay.
He called on the Force, remembering what Sidious had said. “Our flesh is only a vessel. Our true power comes from our will, our passion. Command, and the Force must obey.”
So Vader commanded. He lifted the rock immobilising him, crushed it to dust. He ordered the Force to push his body upright, ignoring the natural urges that demanded it rest. He stemmed the blood flow from the wound. He manually replaced his respirator. He forced his mind to stay awake. And then, like some monstrous puppet, he directed each of his limbs to move.
After a few tries he was standing upright. A few more and he was walking.
A few more, and he was piloting the ship.
✯ ✯ ✯ ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ 𓆩⚔𓆪 ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ ✯ ✯ ✯
Vader had wondered before, if Sidious’ disappointment in him could go lower. He should have known the answer was ‘yes’.
“I did not take you for a coward, Lord Vader,” Sidious snarled. “A Sith Lord is supposed to be powerful. To be majestic.” He looked down on Vader’s kneeling figure. He hadn’t been allowed to go to maintenance yet, and there was only so much Vader could do to stop his injured body from shivering. Sidious scoffed. "You, my friend, are just pathetic.”
Vader gritted his teeth, waiting silently for his Master to continue. He wondered if the punishment it would entail was worth immediately passing out. Obi-Wan’s lectures had been one thing. Sidious’ were worse.
“You are trapped in the past,” his Master continued. “You mellow and fester in your pain, instead of using it for power. You let it control you.”
Vader wanted to scoff. He had only ever followed his Master’s teachings. And yet the Dark had never brought forth the power he had sold his soul for.
“You promised to save Padmé’s life.”
“I promised to give you power. You have only yourself to blame for how you used it.” Vader flinched.
Padmé…
“Your loss against that Jedi was your fault, and your fault only.”
Which one? Vader felt like he had lost against far too many Jedi lately. Needles prickled his damaged nerves. He felt like he was burning all over again, but he couldn’t tell if it was the fever or the memories.
“Heed my advice, Lord Vader. Let go of the past.” Sidious glared at his wings, and Vader felt a flash of hate and envy coming from his Master. “Beginning with these things. They are an eyesore, and a weakness.”
At least Vader knew why the suit back was so uncomfortable now.
✯ ✯ ✯ ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ 𓆩⚔𓆪 ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ ✯ ✯ ✯
Vader didn’t free the other clones.
It wouldn’t have served any purpose. They already were good soldiers.
They would have just hated him.
Like he hated himself.
✯ ✯ ✯ ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ 𓆩⚔𓆪 ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ ✯ ✯ ✯
Infil’a died.
Vader sniffed his smell almost by accident. From then on, it was only a matter of time. He chased the Jedi half a galaxy away, intent on revenge. The Dak sang of bloodthirst at his side.
The Jedi Master’s death was almost disappointing. Put the lives of a few innocents in the game, and suddenly he was as weak as a newborn Etobi. Vader snapped his neck. No clone would die again by that traitor’s hand.
✯ ✯ ✯ ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ 𓆩⚔𓆪 ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ ✯ ✯ ✯
“Did you consider my offer?”
Trapped within the uncomfortable confines of the suit, Vader’s wings twitched.
He knew keeping them was a weakness. A useless reminder of Skywalker’s time. He also knew Sidious hated the darkened appendages.
He just— He couldn’t. They were his.
(They were his only chance to truly fly again.)
✯ ✯ ✯ ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ 𓆩⚔𓆪 ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ ✯ ✯ ✯
Vader found a trail leading to Skywalker’s Apprentice. He followed it, conflicted. What would he say when he saw her? What would she say?
She had abandoned him, once. Would she leave him again?
✯ ✯ ✯ ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ 𓆩⚔𓆪 ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ ✯ ✯ ✯
A blue lightsaber teased him in the snow.
.
.
.
Ahsoka was dead.
✯ ✯ ✯ ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ 𓆩⚔𓆪 ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ ✯ ✯ ✯
Sidious was forming something called 'Inquisitorus' to chase Jedi. Vader was supposed to train them.
…
He didn't want to.
✯ ✯ ✯ ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ 𓆩⚔𓆪 ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ ✯ ✯ ✯
On one of the many times Vader came back too injured to stand, Sidious met him during his maintenance. He glared at his Apprentice, silently judging his disheveled state, before telling him these words:
"Your hate is valuable, Lord Vader. But remember it is a tool. A weapon. Do not let yourself drown in it."
Vader couldn’t remember a time he hadn’t drowned.
✯ ✯ ✯ ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ 𓆩⚔𓆪 ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ ✯ ✯ ✯
It happened almost by coincidence.
Sidious had sent him on the trail of a hidden Jedi Temple, to destroy it.
Vader had gone alone.
He did most of the time, now. The soldiers’ mind disturbed his focus. They brought forth unnecessary conflict, and so Vader left them on the ship.
He had lost too many of the clones in battle.
At first, the Temple rejected him. It sensed his link with the Dark and did everything it could to repulse his presence. Vader broke any such attempt. He was in command. Not some stupid weak Jedi Temple.
Then he had entered one of the rooms, and the Force had changed. It suddenly went from repulsion to attraction. The sudden shift left him somewhat unbalanced. The door slammed shut. Vader glared at the glyphs embedded on every surface of the room. They shone with a hypnotic light Vader couldn’t quite grasp the color off through his crimson lenses.
A clear song rose in the Force. Pushed by some instinct, his trapped wings slowly vibrated in phase with the song. It felt soothing, cleansing. The sound came from the carved symbols themselves. Natural kyber powder, Vader noticed. The crystals sunk into every pore of Vader’s body, and erased any will to suppress them. Vader approached, fascinated.
The moment he touched the glyphs, the room disappeared.
✯ ✯ ✯ ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ 𓆩⚔𓆪 ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ ✯ ✯ ✯
Padmé laughed at him. They danced in the main room of the Palace, happy. Their children were playing in the garden, near the lakes. Twins. Their wings would grow soon. They would be strong in the Force, he knew.
Padmé led him outside, still laughing. His mom was there. She was tinkering with some piece of machinery — likely a future toy for the twins. His boy would be delighted to break it apart to study the insides. A natural-born mechanic, just like him and his mother before him. Not that his daughter would stay very far behind– between her strong character and her mother’s interest for politics, she would make an amazing Empress.
“Ani. Are you happy?”
“I am,” he answered honestly.
A huge shadow suddenly eclipsed the sun. The dark cloud whispered to him. It called him, bringing forth memories of pain and lava. It created a cold wind that brushed his darker feathers. Its cacophony brought a dissonance within the gentle song being hummed in the air.
He looked at Padmé. She was pale. The black cloud made everything seem a bit less tangible, a bit more invisible. Behind it, he could see the soft light of Aurebesh runes.
Vader remembered. It felt more akin to waking up from a dream, though. Acknowledging the real and the surreal. The Dark welcomed him back by spinning over him, weakening Padmé’s shadow further. The palace next to her had almost completely disappeared, and his children's playful cries were further and further away.
This place was a trap. A spell to entrap those with too much yearning, too much passion. Shmi was dead. Padmé was dead. His children… were dead.
His happiness had only been an illusion.
✯ ✯ ✯ ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ 𓆩⚔𓆪 ꒰ঌ ⚔ ໒꒱ ✯ ✯ ✯
He chose to stay.
It was a simple matter, really. All Vader had to do was reject the Dark. Without the huge shadow looming over it, the illusory world rapidly regained stability.
The Dark side of the Force was not all that happy about his rejection. It whined and begged and tempted, but Vader stood strong. There was nothing waiting for him out of this Temple. Everyone Anakin loved betrayed him, or died by his hand. Vader couldn’t love anyone. Had it not been for Sidious’ order and will… Vader would have not even existed.
The Emperor had brought him back last time. Vader didn’t know how deep his Sith Master had sunk his hooks into his psyche. He hadn't cared, before. Only now that he acted against him, against his own life, did he wonder.
Vader blocked the Master-Apprentice bond he shared with Sidious, hoping that, with the Light Temple’s protection, it would be enough. Without a connection through the Force, it was unlikely anyone would ever find him. Vader had forgone the protocol asking to report his destination, and the planet the Temple was located on was remote.
The suit could maintain him for days, which would probably mean years within the illusion. Years of everything he had ever dreamed for.
This was a nice place for monsters to die.