Chapter Text
November 12th 2003
Another lonely night at in Winchester. The start of winter was cold, the snowflakes seemed to fall more often as they covered the roof of Wammy’s. The skies were cloudy, painting the orphanage the colour grey on the already dull, concrete walls. I stood at the front of the kitchen after sundown. It was a little after dinner and most of the orphans had made the decision to go to bed straight away. A handful were trying to spend as much time as they could in the library, or at the halls outside their sleeping quarters before curfew hit. Roger was always extremely particular about rules, especially when it came to us orphans.
Noise. I almost immediately ducked behind a potted plant that was at the end of the hall. The plant was a succulent; low maintenance and didn't require much taking care of. I wondered what it was like to be a succulent. If i had that much freedom to do whatever I wanted without being doted on. Not that the orphanage ever paid attention to the likes of those like me. An average student at Wammy’s will only get you nowhere.
I continued to stare at the locked kitchen door, my stomach rumbling as I thought about what kind of confectionaries could possibly be inside. I wouldn't consider myself a 'sweet tooth', however, due to the fact that someone had been stealing from the kitchen, Roger decided to ban desserts for a month. Three weeks in and I was suffering from withdrawal symptoms.
The thief wasn't me of course, stealing from the kitchen was the furthest thing in my mind. But when you want something, you tend to just stare at it for long periods of time. I was planning on staring at the kitchen until curfew.
The noise grew louder and I had immediately deduced that whoever those voices belonged to must've been the thief. Or judging by the amount of voices, thieves. My heart raced as thoughts filled my head. I was curious as to who the thieves were. After all, if I uncovered their identities, I could go back to eating sugar cookies after a bland meal at dinner.
I huddled myself into a ball, trying to conceal myself from the chilly air. The heaters or air conditioning didn't work near the kitchen due to the fact that it could interfere with the cooking. The voices drew closer and closer. I held my breath, not wanting to get caught by the shadows around the corner.
"Ow! Quit kicking me!" A youthful voice exclaimed. As the brunette came into my blurry line of sight, I saw him rub his shin as he started to hop next to the shorter, blonde boy beside him. The blonde sighed and glared at the brunette, feeling rather unamused by his antics. They drew closer to the kitchen, stopping in front of the locked door. The brunette dug through the pockets of his baggy pants, looking for something.
"I only kicked you because you were making so much noise!" Blondie whisper-shouted as he shifted across the floor, light on his feet. He looked experienced, like he had snuck in here a thousand times before. The brunette looked over at blondie and gave him a wide toothy grin. He took out two pieces of wire and stuck it in the lock. The two of them looked around and I had recognised them instantly. Mello and Matt— placed second and third at this orphanage.
The door swung open and the Matt looked at the Mello proudly, as if expecting some sort of praise from the blonde. He was met with a dry chuckle and a hand to his face as Mello pushed him away. Matt didn't seem to mind though, he looked quite used to it. I looked around in hesitation. After recognising who they were, I didn't dare follow them. Sure, the two were around my age and I didn't exactly have a reason to be intimidated by them, but their intellect was what terrified me. It was astonishing how incredibly smart two teenagers could be, which made them intimidating to all the lower ranked orphans. Not to mention, this meant they were the thieves! I couldn't possibly interrupt their little 'mission'. I stood up, ready to go back to my room when something stopped me.
My stomach rumbled again.
The door was open, there was no one inside and I was hungry for something sweet. The situation was almost perfect, but I was afraid of being caught by Roger. I looked around again, making sure there was no one. I counted the number of seconds they had spent in the kitchen before finally deciding to make my move. I snuck in behind them, ducking behind a cabinet so they wouldn’t notice my presence.
Matt snickered and stared at Mello with a glint in his eyes, amused that Mello was bending the rules. His eyes crinkled in amusement and I could see his sharp canines as he grinned at Mello’s bored expression.
"You're the reason why none of us are allowed dessert, you know?" He snickered, his voice much rougher than I had expected. Mello rolled his eyes and looked away, feigning embarrassment about the subject. I could see why. After all, they was the reasons why Roger threw such a hissy fit.
“You’re part of it too.” Mello mumbled gruffly, folding his skinny arms across his chest. He gave Matt a sideways glance, not bothering to turn his body towards his direction.
“I still find it ridiculous that you’re so desperate for more bars of chocolate” Matt sighed, although he wasn’t seeing the problem in Mello’s actions. Of course, there were several problems with his actions. He had ruined dessert for everyone, and not to mention, the cathedral bells were currently tolling, indicating they were out after curfew. The bells tolled for a total of 8 times, one for each hour.
Matt sighed as he heard the bells.
“8:00, we have 15 minutes, Mels.”
“I’m more than aware, Matt.” Mello rolled his eyes but quickly made his way towards the cupboard labelled ‘confectioneries’. Curious, I hesitated, not wanting to be found, but Matt had taken out his DS Lite, heavily preoccupied— so I followed after in silence. Mello rummaged through the contents of the walk in cupboard rather haphazardly, before taking three bars of chocolate. It was no secret the successor had a liking for chocolate, most of the time I saw him he was eating it anyways.
When he left to converse with Matt, I rummaged through the contents as well, picking out a bar of chocolate. This should last me a while. I looked up, noticing it had gone silent, the only noise in the room was the whirring of the mechanisms in the walk in freezer next to me.
As soon as I turned around, the two were gone. My heart raced as I exited the cupboard and shut it frantically. Had they just left me alone?! I couldn’t complain, they didn’t know I was there. I quickly ran out of the kitchen and shut the door. As soon as I did I was met by the not so friendly face of the last person I had expected to see. Roger stood in front of me, pushing his half moon glasses up his sunken face.
“My office. Now.” Roger demanded. I dropped the chocolate bar in slight horror. This was all a misunderstanding! Sure, I did steal a chocolate bar, but I had just been caught at the wrong place at the wrong time. I dropped hesitantly followed Roger, playing with my fingers as I did. I looked back at the open kitchen door and noticed a tuft of blonde hair sticking out from the end of the hallway. I tensed up and looked back at Roger, feeling embarrassed that the true thieves must’ve caught me sneaking in behind them.
I sat in Roger’s office, still quite dazed about the current events that were occurring. He sat in front of me, scrutinising my every movement as I took a look around his office. There were terrariums filled with insects on his shelves, attempting to climb out the jars. Roger must’ve been an expert at keeping things locked up. Despite being the manager at the orphanage, he didn’t seem too fond of children. It felt more like a chore than a blessing to take care of us, I was guessing.
The walls had pictures of beautifully painted insects. Well, in my opinion the insects weren’t ‘beautiful’, but the paintings were. Most of the books on his shelf were about insects as well, how could someone be so passionate about something? He also had an open case which seemed to be a collection of butterflies, pinned to stay in place. I couldn’t help but feel terrible since they were dead, but then again, if they were alive that situation would’ve been much worse. My eyes darted to the only odd thing in the room, a spider cup that sat on his desk. The colours of the spider were red and blue, similar to ones I used to see in stores before I got here. If I could recall, they were from a comic book? It was kind of ironic that Roger seemed to be a fan of this sort of thing.
“What were you doing after curfew?” He asked, even though he probably had an idea on what I was doing. I said nothing, wanting to get my story straight. My silence must’ve made Roger’s patience wear thin.
“Y/n, I’m not going to sugarcoat this for you. Do you know how irresponsible you’ve been, taking from the kitchen? You’re not doing well in this institute and you go ahead and break the rules which I have specifically set out for everyone?” He said, his voice growing harsher by the sentence.
I gathered my thoughts, wanting to protest that it wasn’t me who’s been taking the sweets from the kitchen.
“I saw the kitchen door open so I just took a peek, sir…” I mumbled meekly, not liking the tone of my voice. It made me look guilty— well, guiltier than I was.
I heard rustling noises behind me. The door swung open and two figures stumbled in, an older woman behind them. I recognised her as Arielle— head of the nursing department, although she did much more than that without credit. The two figures in front of her I recognised as Matt and Mello. They must’ve been caught trying to escape.
“I saw these two outside during curfew, Roger.” She said, her voice sweet. Although those two didn’t seem to think so, since the blonde was glaring daggers at her and the brunette was looking away, unbothered by this ordeal. Roger sighed and stood up, causing both of them to take the hint and sit down on the chairs either side of me. Roger nodded to dismiss Arielle.
“What on earth is going on with you two?!” Roger exclaimed, his patience finally running out. His voice seemed harsher towards them than it was me. Shivers ran down my spine as Roger continued to go on a tangent on how irresponsible the two were. I couldn't help but wonder why he was harsher on them than he was on me.
“Sneaking out after curfew? You two are successors! You can’t be a bad example for the other students! Do you know how much money we’ve spent on your education?”
Judging by how upset Roger was, this wasn’t the first time they’ve been scolded. Mello immediately stood up and banged his fists on the table. The books shifted a little and Roger's little spider cup fell, spewing the pens it was holding all over the table.
“You’re not being fair, Roger! How come Near gets to go to the library after hours and we don’t?!” The blonde yelled, his voice matching the intensity of Roger’s.
“Mello!” Roger exclaimed, standing up from his seat and banging the table with as much force as Mello had previously. The younger boy seethed before sitting back down. He crossed his arms over his chest, his loathing towards Roger more than evident.
“Arielle caught you two lingering in the hallways, not at the library. And care to explain why at the same time, I caught y/n sneaking out of the kitchen?!” Roger asked.
“You seriously think we’d join in with the likes of her?” Mello mumbled. Ouch, I knew I wasn’t smart enough to be in this institute but he didn’t have to blatantly say it like that.
“One of you three is going to fess up as the thief and if you don’t, I’ll just have to punish the three of you!”
We all stayed silent. One minute went by, then two. I was counting down the seconds for the third minute when…
“I did it,” A voice on my left said. It certainly wasn’t as harsh as Mello’s. Matt propped his feet up on Roger’s desk and leaned back on his chair. He smirked at Roger, seemingly proud of himself, but I could tell his true intention was to protect Mello, considering what I had heard in the kitchen.
Roger sighed, looking at Matt through his dull glasses, which I had just noticed made his colourless eyes much more grey than it needed to be. He didn’t care if Matt was telling the truth, he looked relieved that one of us had fessed up. He took out a calendar book and flipped through the contents before pointing at a particular event.
“You’re now banned from going to our annual outing in July.” Roger said, placing his chin on his hands.
Matt didn’t look phased, however Mello was livid.
“What?! Why the hell not? It was just a bit of sweets and now he can’t go to the outing?!” Mello protested in anger.
“This is just the consequence of breaking the rules. Not to mention, checking Matt’s records his presence in class has been far lower than expected!” Roger huffed. Matt scoffed and folded his arms, an annoyed face painted over his usually lively one.
Then my whole world shook when Mello turned his face towards me. He stared at me up and down, as if trying to find the best excuse to pin the blame on me.
“You saw y/n at the kitchen and you still think Matt’s the thief? Not to mention, she’s been threatened for expulsion several times in the past 3 years!” Mello argued. I felt my face go hot with anger. It was true, Wammy’s was a place of adolescence, nurturing orphans with gifts, or turning them into the next L. I, however, was threatened for expulsion because I had no gift. Even if I had one, Roger would most definitely not spend his time and money helping me find it. It was ‘too late’ for me, I was already 13. My question was, how did Mello know that?
Roger was silent. I knew he was contemplating about everything. He sighed and glared at the three of us.
“You… have a point.” Roger said, checking a red portfolio with my name on it. He lowered his half-moon glasses to read the words and stared back at me. I rubbed the palm of my hand with my thumb anxiously. I knew what he was thinking. He was contemplating on whether to let go of me, maybe find an orphan that is talented. He looked at Mello and Matt.
“I’ll let Matt go on one condition,” Roger said, begrudgingly. Matt had looked up in interest, taking his feet off the table and leaning forward. He didn’t seem to care about the outing, but now that he had an opportunity to go, he was interested. Mello had relaxed slightly, probably thinking that whatever it was he would be able to deliver.
“You give me a reason as to why she should stay in this institute.” Roger said, pointing his pen at me.
Another while of Mello protesting, he finally decided it was pointless to get out of that punishment. I suppose one look at Matt and thinking about his situation caused him to stay quiet about everything else. Roger dismissed us from his office and I nervously followed after the two, wanting to know how on earth they would help me find a reason to stay here.
“Hey—“ I was cut off immediately by Matt’s yawn. He looked at Mello with a smirk, wanting to tease his friend about the situation.
“So, what do we do about her?” Matt asked, looking back at me with a bored expression. Not that I took it personally, Matt was often bored and constantly needed stimulation in his brain to keep him going. He stared at me through his slightly foggy goggles. He always wore those things, it was a mystery what his eyes looked like. He stopped abruptly in his tracks and turned around completely so I was standing, faced towards him now.
“Leave it, Matt. She can find her talent herself and we’ll just take the credit,” Mello said, grabbing onto the back of Matt’s sweater and pulling him away from me. Matt flashed him a slightly concerned expression, but he didn’t complain. I frowned and followed them as they kept walking back to their rooms. I found it rather offensive that Mello thought it was so easy to just have a talent like that, but not everyone was as well versed in everything like he was.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said, standing my ground as I continued to walk after those two, my feet heavy on the ground as they slowed to a stop. Matt shrugged, not exactly caring about the situation. But then he thought for a while and looked over at Mello with a slightly pleading expression.
“Come on, Mels! I can’t go to the outing if we don’t help her!” He whined, shaking Mello by his shirt. Mello stared at Matt with his usual annoyed expression, although there was a hint of compliance in it. I could only catch it quickly because it only lasted a second.
Mello hesitated before looking back at me with that same scrutinising gaze he held when we were at Roger’s office. I stared into his piercing aquamarine eyes before looking away, afraid I’d probably turn into stone if i looked at them too much.
“Library, 4pm.” He huffed before walking down the hall on the right, entering a door numbered ‘11’ and slamming it behind him. I could’ve sworn I heard him curse from behind the door, probably because he injured himself on the way inside. I couldn’t help but feel a sense of satisfaction when I heard it.
He had left Matt and I alone in the hall.
I had never had a private interaction with Matt, mainly because we were in different classes. I didn’t have any reason to talk to him either. Unlike the other successors, he was much more carefree. Always skipping classes but constantly passing them with flying colours, I couldn’t help but envy him.
I was lost in my thoughts, not realising he had disappeared. Just great. Was I so uninteresting that he couldn’t even bother to hold a conversation with me? Whatever, my exhaustion was catching up to me so I turned to the left and walked down the hall, standing in front of a door labelled ‘36’. I took my keys out and stuck it into the keyhole.
I entered my bedroom, locking it behind me and flopped on the bed in the corner, staring at the ceiling as I thought about today’s events. Closing my eyes, I decided it was best to rest for now and think about what to do tomorrow… Until I heard the lock from my door make some noise. I immediately shot up and stared at it in slight horror.
In instinct, I picked up the closest object I could find— a mathematics textbook that was on functions that was way bigger than it needed to be. I had borrowed that from the library, although it was nearing the overdue date. I watched as the perpetrator swung the door open and I immediately whacked them with the book. I heard a loud groan, looking the figure as he rubbed his sore, freckled nose. Matt?
“Geez! A warm welcome would’ve been much nicer…” He teased, inviting himself in without my permission. I stared at him in blatant confusion. Why was he here? Better yet, why did he pick my lock..?!
“You look like you’ve seen ghost,” Matt said, sitting at the foot of my bed, not even bothering to ask if it was okay. For some reason, I didn’t feel annoyed by his action. Maybe it was part of his demeanour.
“It’s not everyday someone breaks into your room.” I retorted, placing my book back on my desk and sitting on my chair.
“Would you have opened the door?”
“Touché…”
Matt chuckled and laid back on my bed, placing his arms behind his head as he stared at the ceiling.
“The old man’s really getting on my nerves,” Matt snickered, a smirk on his freckled face. It was the usual look he wore, so no surprises there. He tossed me a bar of chocolate and I caught it, fumbling slightly. I recognised the bar, it was the one i had dropped earlier.
“I’m gonna guess the old man is still going to ban sweets for the next week, so here’s a gift.”
It was a little half-hearted picking up the object I dropped and calling it a gift, but he looked genuine so I let it slide.
“Why are you really here?”
“To thank you,” He said, sitting up from his position.
“You can’t thank me if I haven’t done anything,” I was slightly confused by his words, why bother thanking me when I hadn’t done anything yet?
“Besides, my efforts might be fruitless in the end.” I mumbled with slight discouragement.
“You got Mello to comply with you, that’s a pretty great start,” He reasoned, shrugging his shoulders.
“You got Mello to comply with me. By what, whining and complaining?”
“If I could get what I want from Mello by complaining, don’t you think I would’ve done that more?” Matt questioned back. I hesitated. He had a point there, if he was as whiny as he displayed in the hall more often, Mello would most likely distance himself from him. Then again, Mello couldn't exactly afford to distance himself from Matt, considering he only had one friend. There were holes in his argument, but I couldn't bring myself to point them out.
Matt snorted when he realised he had won that little argument. As if he wasn’t expecting to. He sniffed before pushing himself off my bed and walking around, again, without permission. He seemed eager to touch everything in my room, the dull brown curtains that blocked any sort of sunlight wanting to enter the room, the empty photo frame on my desk, the small plain bookshelf with old literature snuggled in it.
“Your room’s quite small,” It was true, it was the smallest room in this institute mainly because they prioritise you depending on how important you are. It was no secret that Wammy's was an institute for the gifted, a place for those who had a passion for relentless learning. For someone like Matt, it would be no surprise that his room is twice the size of mine.
“I hadn’t noticed,” I mumbled sarcastically. I looked up at Matt and despite my attitude towards him, he still held that cheery demeanour of his. I immediately felt a pang of guilt. I wasn’t exactly being the best host for him, even though he practically broke himself in. Speaking of which...
“Easy to break in, too.”
Never mind.
“It’s getting late,” I said, hoping he’d take the hint and leave.
“It’s only 8:30.” He reasoned. Hint ignored.
After walking around my boring room for a few more minutes, he stopped at the bookshelves and trailed his fingers on the books. He paused in front of a book with a black cover, in the spine was the title of the book 'Dracula'. Now that I thought about it, his sharp canines sort of reminded me of Dracula's. Maybe if we ever became friends, I'd suggest it as a Halloween costume.
After a few seconds, he decided to open the door and step out. Before he did, he smirked and looked in my direction.
“I look forward to finding out why you’re here.” He grinned. My eyes lightened a bit, as he said those words. At that specific moment, I realised he might have been the only one in this institute had the heart to help me. After being sour all night, I finally felt my lips tug into a small smile. He might've been quite odd, but he sure was open about it.
“Alright, then.”
Matt closed the door behind him, leisurely walking back to his room. He knew no one would be wandering the halls, even though it was quite early in the night— for him, anyways. He reached out and twisted the doorknob on the room labelled ‘12’ entering in silence. The first thing he saw was Mello, lying upside down on the bright orange beanbag on the floor. He looked bored. He was holding a dull yellow file in his hands, reading the content over and over again. He looked up from the file and stared at Matt.
“Find anything about her?”
Matt shrugged, flopping onto his bed with a sigh. He turned his body to face Mello on the floor and shook his head before taking off his shoes and tossing them to the other side of the room, earning a disgusted look from Mello. He ignored that face and spoke.
“She seems normal enough. Probably more normal than the wacky kids here.” Matt said nonchalantly as he stretched on the bed. Mello looked at his squirmy friend, knowing that Matt couldn’t afford not to move constantly. He stared down at the yellow folder and threw it in Matt’s direction.
“The most interesting thing in her file are the words ‘Family members: DECEASED’. Hell— we’re in an orphanage, I could tell you that myself!” Mello scoffed as Matt picked the file and shook it, only a piece of paper falling out with the bare minimum of information written on it. Height, weight, all the boring things. “She’s obviously hiding something…”
“That’s an interesting find, hiding something, huh?” Matt raised an eyebrow, slightly intrigued by that revelation. He sat up, a smirk on his lips from this newfound knowledge.
“So what do you think she’s hidin’? Is she like a secret genius or what?"
Mello rubbed his temples and sat up, his eyebrows furrowing slightly as he looked at his friend like he had lost his mind. He shook his head and stood up, picking up his jacket from one of the many messy piles of clothes on the floor in Matt's room. Mello put his jacket on and extended an arm toward's Matt, gesturing for him to pass the file over.
"At this point, we'll be lucky if she even stays in this school before midterms," Mello mumbled, taking the folder in his hands and stuffing it inside his jacket before zipping it up. The jacket was long, definitely oversized for someone his age. However, it was common for students to be wearing baggier clothes, since they didn't leave the school often. "I'll take this back to Arielle's office, you try and think of how we can get her to stay at this institute."
"Yeah, whatever." Matt sighed, annoyed that he had to deal with the harder part of the job. He extended his arm and reached for his DS, picking it up and attempted to turn it on. When it wouldn't, he looked up at Mello with a less than impressed expression. "Good one, give me back my battery, Mels!"
Mello looked away, not wanting Matt to see the obvious look of amusement on his face. The blonde tied his long hair into a ponytail before opening the door. The chilly air from the halls quickly rushed in, turning Matt's once warm room cold.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
If you must know, being unable to breathe sucks.
I stood in the middle of the empty field outside my home. I was back. I couldn't make sense of this place, it all seemed so uncanny. The grass looked much greener than the grass at the orphanage, much more alive and well, healthy. Then again, children used to see things much clearer. Through rose coloured glasses. For all I knew, the grass could be dead, dried out and shrivelled up. My tiny little brain wouldn't be able to tell the difference anyways.
Much like the grass, the sky was a deep light blue, not an inch of clouds in sight. It was a rather warm sunny day, and usually I'd be thrilled about this. Instead I felt unease, nauseated at the sight of the bright sky. The heat made me sick, the green grass made me sick, everything made me feel sick. It felt like my body wasn't my own anymore. I was in a mere vessel of someone who appeared to be me.
I looked to the left to see a house. The house looked awfully small, considering the distance I was to it. I must've been in the back garden. I recognised this place, but I couldn't exactly pinpoint what— why I was here. The house was overgrown, un-plucked weeds stuck out from the base of the house, vines from the tree nearby fell onto the windowsill.
I didn't even notice the tight grip on my arm. I looked up at the boy holding onto it. His features looked similar to mine, I couldn't help but touch my face as I looked at him. I was a copy and paste.
He led me towards the edge of a lake in the back garden. The lake looked bottomless and anxiety immediately shot through my body. I watched as he took off his shoes and carefully dragged me deeper and deeper into the lake. My bare feet, squishing the soil underneath them. I felt more than uncomfortable. I felt like I knew what was coming for me, but I couldn't bring myself to move. No... I can't move even if I wanted to. This wasn't a dream, this was a memory.
The boy’s eyes were bloodshot, he looked deranged, crazy. His hands slowly reached my hair and pushed my head underneath the water, holding me there, the last thing I heard from him was a half-assed muttered apology. I held my breath, my salty tears mixing in with the water around me. One second, two, three, four... it felt like forever. My hands frantically reached up to push him away from me. Please... Please...
I sat up, sweat dripping down my face. I held my beating heart, wanting to calm myself down before anything. In my own room, under the olive green comforter that was draped over my body, I found myself thinking about what just happened. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced. No... it was more real, more concrete in comparison to the bursts of memories I'd usually experience. It left a bitter taste in my throat as I thought about that moment over and over again. I ran my fingers through my hair as I decided. I needed to get this out of my head. I needed to bury this memory.
I needed a change of scenery.