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"I will violently smash my forehead into my keyboard, repeatedly." - Fukase, 2021

Summary:

fuk.ass.69: you can't stop me

pikkun-utatune: don't do it, please, i beg of you-

Kagayours: You have enough brain damage as is, dude

fuk.ass.69: fhuwjnuerolOUERBFVWOEVBUGRGUH
fuk.ass.69: LKHEIJREUGRGHERUKK
fuk.ass.69: gfyuiujnhvgfdtrtgfrAsUTYTRUGFUYHG

FL(OW)ER: Hi welcome to wendys, here we have all the mentally handicapped children to choose from

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: hi welcome to c̶h̶i̶l̶i̶s̶ wendys

Summary:

i made a chatfic for funsies <3

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text


[💬] Hi welcome to wendys - 7:12 


 

[ONE]: i'm so tired

 

pristine-bean!!: aww, im sorry to hear that :(

 

nyaaah: bruh who even needs sleep nowadays (っ^▿^)💨

 

akuno-akuma: clearly not you

 

XinHua_pan: I'm prolly functioning off two hours right now haha

 

fuk.ass.69: sleep is irrelevant anyways

 

pikkun-utatune: as is most stuff in life nowadays

pikkun-utatune: i just sleep through most everything most of the time

 

[ONE]: jesus christ all i wanted to do was tell you guys how my sister was fucking her gf last night

[ONE]: i did not need to be reminded about how irrelevant life is

 

FL(OW)ER: but its true

 

akuno-akuma: wait-

akuno-akuma: your sister?? was fucking someone??

akuno-akuma: are you talking about ia???

 

Kagayours: tea time

 

fuk.ass.69: wait

fuk.ass.69: wait wait wait wa i t

fuk.ass.69: isn't your sister fucking ia??? the queen of pianos??????

 

Kokoro<3: That implies ia fucks herself fukase

 

fuk.ass.69: incest is wincest

fuk.ass.69: oop i meant selfcest

fuk.ass.69: idk about u guys but id totally fuck myself that's how much i like myself </3

 

Kagayours: violently throws up HWAT

 

FL(OW)ER: fukase what the actual fuck

 

[ONE]: and you guys- 

[ONE]: and you guys wonder why i don't associate myself with you

[ONE]: gods above i shouldn't have even mentioned being tired

 

pristine-bean!!: ones going through all five stages of grief at once lol

 

fuk.ass.69: sleep is meaningless anyways.

fuk.ass.69: we don't need anyone who actually sleeps in our gang

 

pristine-bean!!: you have a gang??? :0

 

pikkun-utatune: no

 

fuk.ass.69: soon

 

FL(OW)ER: the silence is killing me lmao

 

Kagayours: i can feel piko buffering lol

 

pikkun-utatune: fuka, how do you sleep at night?

 

[ONE]: change of subject; smart

 

Kagayours: he prolly sleeps with a gun under his pillow

 

fuk.ass.69: indeed. self defense is needed everywhere 

 

pristine-bean!!: yeah!!

 

FL(OW)ER: i think piko means positions

FL(OW)ER: like- starfish or stick pole

 

Kagayours: the first thing i thought of when i saw stick pole was stick up your ass

 

zhiYEET: valid tbh

 

nyaaah: as if

nyaaah: you could never be valid ( ︶︿︶)_╭∩╮

 

Kagayours: i was confused for a second but then i started laughing so hard i think im hyperventalatngig hjdlp—

 

fuk.ass.69: ignoring len’s supposed death, i will answer your question about how i sleep

 

akuno-akuma: alone

 

fuk.ass.69: matcha can you kick her out

 

pristine-bean!!: matcha said no lmao

 

fuk.ass.69: ugh 

fuk.ass.69: anyways.

fuk.ass.69: i sleep on my stomach. organs protected

 

Kokoro<3: I once read somewhere that sleeping on your stomach is bad for your health…,

 

fuk.ass.69: do i really look like the kind of person who gives a shit about helth

 

FL(OW)ER: given that you were set on fire in first grade i take it that you aren’t. 

 

fuk.ass.69

fuk.ass.69: i did not need to relive that trauma today

 

pikkun-utatune: he has ptsd

 

nyaaah: Σ(◉ ⌓ ◉) like std????

 

[ONE]: what the fuck

 

akuno-akuma: more like aid

 

nyaaah: Σ(’°△°` lll) like- like lemonaid???

 

pikkun-utatune: it’s spelled with “ade” iroha

 

nyaaah: what

 

zhiYEET: laughing so hard i cry

 

XinHua_pan: complete unrelated but i need to share something

XinHua_pan: my dog. is the warmest thing in the entire fucking world. she’s so hot- just like a hot watter bottle. i have an ice cold hand on her and you can feel the coldness evaporating as it rests atop her furry mound

 

Kokoro<3: I-

Kokoro<3: “furry mound”????

 

zhiYEET: laughing so hard i cry take 2

 

pristine-bean!!: same honestly lmaoo

pristine-bean!!: but matcha wants to know, and i quote, 

pristine-bean!!: “why the hell did hua spell water with two t’s”

 

XinHua_pan: huh

XinHua_pan: SHDHDJJFKJJ I DID

 

fuk.ass.69: disgusting keyboard smash. allow me to show you the real way to smash a keyboard 

fuk.ass.69: *pulls out a hammar*

 

akuno-akuma: *hammer 

 

fuk.ass.69: SHUT THE  FUCK UP YOU LURKR

 

akuno-akuma: No

 

FL(OW)ER: hahahaha imagine getting typo-checked by a antique collector

 

pikkun-utatune: couldn’t be me

 

pristine-bean!!: anyways, matcha said you should all get to class!! it starts in ten!!

 

fuk.ass.69: like i’d give a shit

 

XinHua_pan: OH SHIT

XinHua_pan: I SLEPT TO LATE I THOJGHT IT WAS ASATURDY

 

nyaaah: just channel your inner sonic as you sprint to school ε=ε=┌(; ̄◇ ̄)┘

 

XinHua_pan: OK SEE YUO GUYSA T SCHOOPL

 


[➡️]  XinHua_pan is offline


 

FL(OW)ER: a quick moment of silence for my (dumbass) cousin

 

nyaaah: f (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)

 

pristine-bean!!: f!!

 

fuk.ass.69: f

 

pikkun-utatune: f

 

Kokoro<3: f

 

zhiYEET: f

zhiYEET: anyways

zhiYEET: i have an iq of fucking 200 

zhiYEET: can someone tell me why i need to graduate high school

 

FL(OW)ER: so you can go to some low wage, sus job and flex a high school diploma. imagine how superior it would make you feel

 

akuno-akuma: i can see him doing that actually

 

[ONE]: yeah

[ONE]: but anyways 

[ONE]: get to class before matcha mutes the chat

 


[➡️] Kagayours, nyaaah, pristine-bean!!, Kokoro<3 and FL(OW)ER are offline.


 

fuk.ass.69: some offline bean girl doesn’t scare me

 

zhiYEET: nah matcha is tea leaves def

 

fuk.ass.69: i was referring to her messager 

 

akuno-akuma: *messenger

 

fuk.ass.69: aka her second body

fuk.ass.69: aka azuki

fuk.ass.69: aka secretly cul in disguise to monitor my every move

fuk.ass.69: aka secretly akkio in disguse as cul in disguise to monitor my every move

 

zhiYEET: this is u rn

zhiYEET:

 

fuk.ass.69: yeah tbh

fuk.ass.69: i can see that lmao

 

pikkun-utatune: we should really get to class fukase

pikkun-utatune: where the hell even are you

 

fuk.ass.69: like i’d tell you

 

akuno-akuma: under the stairs near the cafeteria

 

fuk.ass.69: BITCH

 

pikkun-utatune: thanks mayu

 

akuno-akuma: anything to make him suffer 

 

fuk.ass.69: WHAT DID I EVEN DO TO YOU??

 

akuno-akuma: breathe. exist. perish from this plane of existence.

 


[➡️] akuno-akuma is offline


 

fuk.ass.69: ?? is she trying to scare me by coming for my dick irl

 

zhiYEET: maybe

 


[] Matcha is online


 

zhiYEET: OH SHIT

zhiYEET: u on ur own babe, im not messing with this bitch 

 


[➡️] zhiYEET is offline


 

Matcha: Fukase get to class

 

fuk.ass.69: you’ll have to catch me first

 

Matcha: Fukase i will mute you

 

fuk.ass.69: a couple hours don’t bother me

 

Matcha: For 24 hours

 

fuk.ass.69:

fuk.ass.69: still dont scare me

 

Matcha: long sigh

 


[‼️] Matcha has muted fuk.ass.69 for 24 hours


 

[ONE]: change his username too

 


[⚙️] Matcha has changed “fuk.ass.69”’s nickname to “Fukase”


 

[ONE]: perfect

[ONE]: and don’t worry i’m already in class

 

Matcha: Never had any doubt that you weren’t 

Matcha: See you after school in kendo

 

[ONE]: yup

 


[➡️ ] [ONE] and Matcha are offline


[💬] Hi welcome to wendys - 8:31


 

Notes:

USERNAME GUIDE:
Fukase | fuk.ass.69
Piko | pikkun-utatune
Len | Kagayours
Moke | zhiYEET
Mayu | akuno-akuma
Flower | FL(OW)ER
Xin Hua | XinHua_pan
Iroha | nyaaah
Azuki | pristine-bean!!
Matcha | Matcha
Kokone | Kokoro<3