Actions

Work Header

"I will violently smash my forehead into my keyboard, repeatedly." - Fukase, 2021

Chapter 5: iroha, in the hospital, to the fire: i lived bitch

Summary:

burn to death: what's up

FUUUCKASE: you know pickle
FUUUCKASE: piko
FUUUCKASE: utatane pickle
FUUUCKASE: PIKO
FUUUCKASE: FUCK

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text


[💬] Hi welcome to wendys - 00:21


 

Fukase: I'M BACK YOU ASSHOLES

Fukase: YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD GET RID OF ME, BUT YOU THOUGHT WRONG

Fukase: I AM UNESCAPABLE. UNBEARABLE. INSUFFERABLE!!! NOT EVEN MY OWN FAMILY CAN STAND ME

 

[ONE]: IT IS 1 AM IN THE FUCKING MORNING GO BACK TO BED

 

Fukase: WHY SHOULD I, YOU'RE NOT CUL

Fukase: YOU DONT FUCKING SCARE ME YOU GREMLIN

 

[ONE]: TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW

 

Fukase: make me bitch

 

[ONE]: you're so fucking lucky im against pinging matcha when she's trying to get a good nights rest.

[ONE]: unlike you

 

Fukase: that's an insult to yourself too seeing as how you're awake at this time too

 

[ONE]: i'm about to punch you through my phone

 

XinHua_pan: How about we Don't Do That.

 

Fukase: yeah ONE no violence in matchas christian minecraft server

 

[ONE]: matcha was the one who muted you. muting equals death here you deformed reject wendy model

 

Fukase: BITHC

 

XinHua_pan: *bicth

 

[ONE]: ehbveirjnkjkjd??????

 

Fukase: i hate how you're so good at keyboard smashing

 

XinHua_pan: Fukase you keyboard smash with your forehead. what do you expect.

 

Fukase: somethign good to come of this meaningless, empty void we call life.

 

[ONE]: aaaaaaand that is our cue to leave before this becomes too psychologically reflective for one am in the morning.

 

XinHua_pan: yup

Xinhua_pan: See you at school fukase!!

 

Fukase: FUCK i forgot it opens tomorrow.

Fukase: guess i'll actually have to sleep tonight if i wanna enjoy these last few hours of freedom 😔✊

 

[ONE]: yeah probably

 

Fukase: ....do u think matcha will be willing to change my nickname back

 

XinHua_pan: oh jesus christ no

 

[ONE]: no fucking way

 

Fukase: ........ :(

 


[➡️] [ONE] and XinHua_pan are offline


 

Fukase: hmmm

Fukase: fuck guess admin controls are locked

Fukase: >:(

Fukase: guess i'll just wait here until everyone wakes up

Fukase: :0000

Fukase: or i could bother piko

 


[💬] Boku no Pickle and FUUUCKASE - 01:19 - Private Message


 

FUUUCKASE: pikoooooo are u awake

 

Boku no Pickle: i am now

 

FUUUCKASE: :D yayyyyy

FUUUCKASE: wanna play league together

 

Boku no Pickle: just lemme finish my domain runs real quick

 

FUUUCKASE: YO you're on genshin???? lemme join your world

FUUUCKASE: i havent been online for a while so my moves may be rusty...... but my diluc is not

FUUUCKASE: double crowned and level 80 >:)))

 

Boku no Pickle: yeah i know you've said so like a gazillion times

 

FUUUCKASE: joining now :0

 

Boku no Pickle: can we do some weekly bosses to?? trying to crown my zhongli and keqing

 

FUUUCKASE: hahhahaa the simp and simped

 

Boku no Pickle: lowkey think keqing intentionally throws herself into childe's attacks at times. specifically the fucking whale

 

FUUUCKASE: diluc refuses to die from this bitch

FUUUCKASE: look at him. such a champ for hanging on despite having like 1000 hp left

 

Boku no Pickle: FUCKING CHILDE YOU BITCHASS FUCK

Boku no Pickle: good luck without kokomi to heal you

 

FUUUCKASE: she doesnt have crit, she cant do shit

FUUUCKASE: i dont need her

 

Boku no Pickle: take that back right now you piece of shit

 


[💬] Hi welcome to wendys - 06:46


 

Matcha: Can everyone give some sort of confirmation on whether you'll be at school or not? I need to come up with excuses for the ones who aren't and have Mayu forge their parent's signature in excusing absence notes.

 

zhiYEET: WHA

 

FL(OW)ER: skipping lmao

 

XinHua_pan: UNLIKE MY COUSIN i will be at school!!

 

pikkun-utatune: fukase and i are coming as well

 

Fukase: i?? did not give my consent????

 

Kagayours: luka is driving me and rin todya

 

nyaaah: I AM COMING AS WELL unfortunately.

 

Fukase: well damn if my kid has to suffer through this so will i

 

nyaaah: ily

 

Fukase: ily 2

 

Kokoro<3: ignoring whatever the hell that was

Kokoro<3: i'm coming to school too

 

nyaaah: KOKONE MY PLATONIC BELOVED!!!!! glad to see u ok

 

Kokoro<3: ^v^)/ <3<3

 

nyaaah: ̥̻̥̻̥͙̻̥̻̥͙̥̻̥͙̻̥͙̥͙ ꒰ ˆ ॢ꒵ ॢˆ꒱♡꒰•ॢ◞•ॢ ꒱ ̻͙̥̻͙̻̥̻͙̥̻̥̻͙*̻̥̻̥̻͙

 

pristine-bean!!: KOKONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

pristine-bean!!: ilysm!!! v glad to see you're a-okay

 

zhiYEET: enough of the pda

 

akuno-akuma: please. you're just mad you don't have anyone other than fukase to love

akuno-akuma: which is understandable since he's a pain in the ass

 

Fukase: SHUT

 

pikkun-utatune: what do you mean by fukase and love

 

zhiYEET:

zhiYEET: it means we're dating

 

nyaaah: UM ANYWAYS

nyaaah: u all know how i almost died right

 

Fukase: YEAH IN A FIRE

Fukase: sorry caps

 

akuno-akuma: fukase never apologizes

 

FL(OW)ER: must be something............... 𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼 if he's trying to change the subject so desperately

 

Fukase: CAN YOU TWO STOP MEDDLING IN MY LIFE FOR A SINGLE MOMENT

 

akuno-akuma: no

 

FL(OW)ER: tough luck buddy

 

Kokoro<3: that's rough buddy

 

XinHua_pan: HUUHTRGHEFPKOEJGUK;VNFO[??????????

 

zhiYEET: CRYING AND ROLLING AROUND ON THE FLOOR AND HOLDING THIS NEWLY BORN CULTURED CHILD IN MY HANDS WITH TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE

 

nyaaah: not to take away from this beautiful, precious moment, but i want to reveal my grand master plan

 

Kokoro<3: ofc go ahead

 

nyaaah: ty!!!

nyaaah: so,

nyaaah: to celebrate not dying in a fire,

 

Fukase: 0w0

 

nyaaah: i’m having miki hack the live stream of the school’s news and play nyan cat

 

pikkun-utatune: why my sister

 

nyaaah: bc we went to robotics together and she's the only one on the school news staff that i know would 100% be willing to do this

 

pikkun-utatune: wouldn't that akita girl be okay with it to?

 

nyaaah: THEORHETICALLY yes

nyaaah: but do i want to risk it? no

 

FL(OW)ER: valid points, all of them

 

nyaaah: yeah!!! and and-

nyaaah: she's gonna play the ten hour version >:))

 

[ONE]: i highly doubt it'll be on long enough for all ten hours to play

 

pristine-bean!!: yeah the faculty will probably shut it off before then :/

 

nyaaah: nyahehehehehehe

nyaaah: you underestimate the power of viruses

 

Matcha: I suddenly have an overwhelming, inexplicable fear for all the technical support people at school

 

XinHua_pan: same, honestly

 


[💬] burn to death and FUUUCKASE - 07:03 - Private Message


 

FUUUCKASE: cul

FUUUCKASE: cul i need your help

FUUUCKASE: cul please

FUUUCKASE: cul i have made a terrible mistake

 

burn to death: worse than that time you set our uncle's beehives on fire

 

FUUUCKASE: worse than that time i set our uncle's beehives on fire

 

burn to death: oh

burn to death: what's up

 

FUUUCKASE: you know pickle

FUUUCKASE: piko

FUUUCKASE: utatane pickle

FUUUCKASE: PIKO

FUUUCKASE: FUCK

 

burn to death: yeah? the heterochromia dude who always came over in middle school right

 

FUUUCKASE: yeah that's him

FUUUCKASE: so. i may have a crush on him. and may be going the entirely wrong way about it, and now he may hate me and i may be almost crying in my room on the floor in despare/self-loathing/sadness etc.

 

burn to death: ok um. what did you do

 

FUUUCKASE: fake date someone i know he has a rivalry with in an attempt to get him to fall in love with me out of jealousy

 

burn to death: fukase what the actual fuck were you thinking

 

FUUUCKASE: I WASNT OK BUT NOW I NEED HELP FROM U

 

burn to death: WHY ME?????

 

FUUUCKASE: BC UR SOMEONE WHO HAS TWO GIRLFRIENSD

 

burn to death: i hate how you have a point

 

FUUUCKASE: please just fucking help me

 

burn to death: long sigh

burn to death: you're lucky i love you

 

FUUUCKASE: thamk you from the bottom of my heart

 

burn to death:

burn to death: feliz navidad

 


[💬] FUUUCKASE and burn to death - 07:12 - Private Message


 

Notes:

*points* look, plot