Chapter Text
“No.”
Cullen frowned and crossed his arms. Josephine chewed on her lower lip and joined her hands in a pleading motion.
“Cullen, for the Maker’s sake, please, I need everyone to come and attend.”
“No,” Cullen repeated a bit harsher. “Lady Ambassador, I won’t come with you for a two-weeks travel to Orlais to visit some nobles. I have bigger matters to attend here, and, once again, I hate this.”
It had been about a week since Josephine had come up with the plan, and he still had not agreed with it. Since Lady Inquisitor Uriell Trevelyan had been working hard to secure the Inquisition’s influence all over Orlais and Ferelden, she finally had time to focus on the diplomatic relationships of the Inquisition with the nobility; and Josephine had prepared the busiest agenda for it. They had about three weeks before the great ball at Halamshiral, and while the Inquisition’s military prowess was unquestionable, they still needed to confirm the allegiances of a few noble families to secure their position and relevance in the Empress’ eye. To do so, Josephine had carefully planned a two-weeks travel across Orlais to visit a few important families, with a grand finale of a few days in Val Royeaux. Everything’s was ready, but she needed him to confirm his attendance, and he definitely did not want to be part of it.
“Commander, this is enough!” the small Antivan lady put her hands on her hips and puffed her chest. He had rarely seen her this upset. “I’m not asking you if you want to be there, you have to be there. We’ll get to Halamshiral from Val Royeaux all four of us together with Lady Trevelyan, for a unified and strong statement.”
“This is ridiculous,” Cullen growled. He gestured to the war table as both advisors were standing on each side of the laid-out maps. “Look at this, it doesn’t make any sense! Halamshiral is about a day away from here on horseback, a day and a half at most! You don’t need me for your political shenanigans, and I can stay here to secure our forces in case Corypehus strikes again.”
“Enough, you two,” Leliana hissed. Both their eyes turned to the Spymaster who was standing on the edge of the wooden table. She was looming over the maps, clearly unpleased with their bickering that had been going on for an hour already. “You can’t fight over this every single day. Cullen, you don’t want to come with us, fine. But you’ll at least have to meet us in Val Royeaux so we can leave together for the ball.”
“But—this is!” Cullen gawked and showed the Walking Sea standing between Val Royeaux and Halamshiral. “Crossing the sea, twice, just for show, I—”
“Cullen, this is the best I can offer you,” Leliana straightened and glared at him with a hard, scolding expression. “We do need you; you are a face of the Inquisition and we shouldn’t show any potential sign of discord. We will not have it.”
Whereas Cullen was about to express once more his visceral disapproval and frustration, the loud blast of the horn announcing the return of the Inquisitor echoed through Skyhold up to the War Room and called the meeting off. The advisors exchanged looks and Josephine immediately picked up her papers.
“She’s back! We have to prepare everything now! Leliana, let’s go.”
Cullen stood silent as they gathered their belongings and cleaned the room in a hurry to go and meet the Inquisitor at the gates. Before Josephine headed out, she turned to Cullen again with an unusual stern look on her face.
“I understand how you feel, Cullen, I really do. But if you don’t do it for us, do it for her. We will need all the protection we can have.”
The Spymaster and the Ambassador ran off the room, leaving him alone in front of the crumbled maps. Cullen’s lips parted in a deep long sigh he had been repressing for longer than he could remember. His heart had squeezed in his chest once when he had first heard the horn, twice when Josephine had mentioned the Inquisitor, and was now painfully beating in his chest. He swallowed roughly, staring at the absurd journey route laid out on the table.
Truth be told, she would be the only reason why he would even slightly consider doing the trip. Since Haven, Cullen had noticed that their strong leader was, in fact, a woman; despite being a force of nature with enough strength to kick the ass of most of his men, she was still human after all, and at times, fragile. Since that fateful day, he often remembered her trembling form as he was picking her up from the snow, her shuddering cold breath against his neck as she was freezing to death, how easy it would have been for her to die. And yet she had survived.
Since that day, Cullen had slowly grown overprotective of her. He had increased patrols and watch duties everywhere she went, worked harder with Leliana to secure the areas she would go to, and personally kept an eye on her when he could; doing his best so she would never miss anything for her own comfort. She had deeply moved and inspired him that night, and this was the least he could do to repay her for her courage and sacrifice.
Sometimes, when she was away for long periods of times, he found himself thinking of her and worrying about her, wondering if she was safe and when she would come back. When present at Skyhold, he would always wait eagerly for her and feel blessed when she’d come for a chat in his office. He often secretly wished she would stay longer, but Cullen never knew what to tell her once they had talked through their reports. Her influence and hard work always encouraged him to do better, and he always felt energized just by her presence; however, if she had not come to meet and greet him, his motivation would respectively take a great blow and Cullen would have a hard time eating his dinner the same day. Cullen felt like he somehow needed her approval and her guidance to be the best Commander he could be, and she was one of the reasons that had kept him off lyrium these few past months.
Cullen closed his eyes firmly and sighed. “If you don’t do it for us, do it for her.” Of course, the Inquisitor would be at risk during this trip. A very public travel across Orlais, her arrival expected by many great noble Houses, bards already singing about her in the streets; of course, it meant she had a target on her back. At the very least, Cullen had ensured her security to the best of his ability when he had picked a few of his best men to guard her and accompany the expedition. Loranil would go with her, ser Delrin Barris as well; better safe than sorry. However, this did not ease the anxiety gnawing at his insides. If he was entirely honest with himself, he secretly wished he was part of it, just to personally keep an eye on her. After all, she had been away in the Dales for about two weeks now, and the departure was planned for the next morning.
Cullen shook his head and realized that if he wanted to even share the smallest amount of time in her company, he had to leave the War Room for his office now. The thought of her getting away from Skyhold again under such a short notice, knowing he wouldn’t see her again for another three weeks, made him incredibly uncomfortable. He needed to see her, hear her voice again, see her serious face as she would break through her pile of work and take decisions that will make the Inquisition history.
He walked his way back to his office faster than usual, his mind focused on the Inquisitor. Cullen caught himself thinking more about her smile when she used to say “Well done, Commander!” rather than the potential content of her reports back from the Dales, and did not notice the blush creeping underneath his armor up to his cheeks. He barely acknowledged the greetings from the expedition soldiers’ who were getting ready for a hard-earned meal in the Great Hall, and vaguely nodded in Solas' direction as he crossed the rotunda. When he finally reached his office and opened the door, Cullen gasped in surprise as the Inquisitor Uriell Trevelyan and Ser Barris were already there, both standing in front of his desk in a great discussion. She was wearing her full heavy armor, helmet hanging from her belt, covered in dirt and dried herbs. She was disheveled and had apparently come to his office first thing after her arrival. As Cullen was staring, their eyes landed on him at the same time, and Uriell greeted him with a smile and a nod of her head.
Cullen caught the breath that he realized he had been holding, then entered his office. He might have been looking quite startled when Delrin Barris initiated the conversation.
“Commander! We were waiting for you.”
“Ser Barris,” Cullen bowed his head in their direction and rounded his desk to stand in front of them. The pounding in his chest betrayed how febrile he was, and he hoped his voice wouldn’t betray him. To regain composure, he first inspected his desk and noticed Uriell was still holding on her usual reports from the field. “Welcome back, Inquisitor,” was he shaking? He shouldn’t be shaking. “I… Is there anything I should know?”
He finally held up her gaze, unable to avoid it for longer. The way her eyes crinkled and her lips tightened made his heart sink in a second.
“Hello Commander. I am fine, thank you. Nice to see again, and healthy too.” Her nagging was dry but her impatience died in her throat as she stated the reason of her early visit. “Is it true?” she asked softly and then glanced at Ser Barris. “I’ve been told you wouldn’t come with us on tomorrow’s trip. Delrin was telling me about this.”
Cullen clenched his fists when she shared a look with the young templar. While Ser Barris had proven to be an invaluable asset to the training of recruits, the leadership of the troops, and maintaining the Inquisition’s templars under control; Cullen had still not come to terms with the fact that the man used to be a childhood friend of the Inquisitor. Every single sign of affection or familiarity felt like an outrage to him. He barely heard when the man conceded:
“Yes, I apologize, Commander, I thought you had told Ur—the Inquisitor about it before.”
Uriell’s attention was back on him again and Cullen had to swallow roughly to ease his tight throat. Her eyes were round with incredulity as she was waiting for some kind of explanation. He had not directly informed her and assumed Josephine would have shared the information in the missives the young ladies were exchanging. Shame creeped under his skin, she clearly was not expecting this.
“Well, yes, I…” Her face crumbled with his confirmation. “I mean, no offense Inquisitor, but we can’t leave Skyhold without surveillance, someone needs to stay up here…”
“Don’t you trust your officers, Commander?”
The knot in Uriell’s brows betrayed her disappointment and yet her voice was still soft and kind, finding a way to crush Cullen’s resolve from the last week.
“I—Of course, I do,” he stammered, taken aback by her question. Her green eyes were piercing through him, he had nowhere left to hide and he could not remember the reason why he had taken this decision in the first place. “That’s the reason why I asked Ser Barris to accompany you, he is strong enough for…”
“If you think he can protect me then he can protect Skyhold,” she gently pointed out before glancing back at the templar by her side. “I was just checking with Delrin. Ser Commander Rylen is available, and if your second-in-command isn’t enough, Delrin knows the troops quite well; I’m sure they can handle the fort together when we are away.”
Her eyes locked again in his and Cullen shivered. This was not a question, but leading to a direct order. She read through him and Cullen felt a drop of sweat run between his shoulder blades.
“Commander, Skyhold is in danger mostly when I’m in here.” She leaned over the desk on her hands and Cullen held his breath. “Ser Rylen can perfectly protect the place. As I’m sure Josephine has told you already, we need you for this trip. I need you.”
Cullen noticed how Ser Barris’ eyes bounced from her to him, and the quiet nod he made in his direction. Uriell looked at him intently under a strand of wild hair, in a firm and yet pleading expression.
“I know how much you hate… nobility,” her mouth twitched at the mention, and she averted her eyes for a second before staring into him again. “And trust me, I hate to impose anything on you. Please, Commander. I need you with me.”
The way she breathed her request made his heart both sink and jolt in his chest. There was no way in the world he would refuse her anything, even less when she asked it like that. The look in her eyes was pained and desperate when he finally surrendered:
“I—You’re right, Inquisitor. If that’s what you want, I’ll be there.”
A shy smile flashed on her lips despite her worried expression.
“Thank you, Commander. I promise, we’ll do our best so you won’t have to deal with the dignitaries.” Uriell got back up, fixed her wild blond hair then turned to ser Barris. “Delrin, Commander, I’ll let you work on the formalities. Leliana and Josephine are waiting for me.” She put the papers she was carrying on the edge of the desk and added: “The Dales’ reports. We can go through them tomorrow together. See you, Commander.”
She nodded and left the office, leaving the two men hanging in front of each other in silence. Cullen’s heartbeat rang in his ear, what did he just agree to? He really couldn’t refuse a direct from her, could he? His gaze dropped to where she stood seconds ago and he heaved a long deep sigh before he noticed ser Barris had turned around to face him. The templar’s smirk threw Cullen off first, but he knew better than to react to his provocation.
“So, she needs you, doesn’t she?”
“Shut up, Barris. She’s the Inquisitor,” he curtly replied.
Cullen stared at the pile of work on his desk. He had to find a way to bring that with him now, hadn’t he? He pretended to be deep in thoughts shuffling through his papers to avoid the insisting gaze of his subordinate. After all, he suspected he was blushing, and the tip of his ears felt incredibly hot. She needed him, indeed, those were her words. And they rang quite sweet to him.
“I don’t know if you realize, Ser, but this is not just decorum.”
Cullen looked up at his man and Ser Barris straightened in a respectful military stance. The Commander cocked an eyebrow urging him to clarify his statement.
“According to our orders from Lady Montilyet,” the templar continued, “our presence is to ensure the safety of the delegation at all times. We have assignments. Loranil and I were supposed to keep watch over the Inquisitor’s tent in turns. With your rank, unless you prefer staying idle, you could be personally guarding her.”
That… thought did not occur to him. Cullen was about to entertain the idea when he noticed the poorly concealed smile Ser Barris bore on his lips. He immediately stiffened in response and frowned upon his man.
“Barris, I appreciate you and your hard work, but don’t push your luck,” he threatened under his breath. “The Inquisitor doesn’t need a personal guard; she is strong enough to protect herself.” Cullen bit his tongue and looked away. He was lying. He still wanted her protected, she just didn’t need him to protect her.
“And yet, I was assigned to her,” ser Barris’ attitude relaxed, and his tone softened as they used to talk to each other when they were off duty. “Unless you want to change it, I’ll keep my post and answer my orders. Should I stay or come with you, Commander?”
Cullen had no idea what to answer and considered his options. Uriell was right; he was trusting Rylen to hold the fort without any second thoughts. Would he need Ser Barris to assist him? Different scenarios came to his mind, but none of them were dire enough to need two of his best men to defend the castle. The troops were trained, they already had a protocol to apply in case of an attack while the Inquisitor was away. The only haunting thought at the back of Cullen’s mind was the looks Uriell and Ser Barris had exchanged earlier, and his blood started warming up again. He had no legitimate reason to change his current assignments though, and Cullen sighed in frustration.
“You’ll come with us, Barris. Stick to your orders. Keep an eye on her.”
Cullen hid his frown as he gathered piles of work from his desk in an attempt to start packing. Maybe his man will take his cue and leave him to his thoughts. But the templar stood silent in his office and Cullen looked back at him. He was about to order him out, exasperation building in his chest, when he noticed the genuine worry in Ser Barris’ eyes.
“As you wish, Commander. But since you’re going, I suppose I should warn you.”
Cullen pinched his nose as the flare of a headache flashed before his eyes. “Speak your mind, Barris,” he growled. He considered the man as a friend, despite the hints of jealousy and his teasing attitude, but he did not appreciate when their friendship would slip in forms of insubordination when they were still working.
“Lady Trevelyan…” Delrin uttered. His eyes darted to the side as he was looking for words, and he bit his lip when he reconsidered pursuing his sentence. “She’s used to this. Those noble things, I mean. She was trained for it.”
“So what?” Cullen was losing his patience and glared at his man. Being reminded of her status tended to make him uncomfortable. He was already actively trying to forget about her other titles than the one of Inquisitor, heavy and unreachable enough to make him feel unworthy of just standing near her.
“So…” Delrin continued carefully, “She knows how to play them. She seduces them. And they love it. I… Just don’t think bad of it when you’ll see it.”
Cullen stiffened and pinched his lips. What kind of unsolicited advice was that? His eyes narrowed into slits and Ser Barris uncomfortably straightened under his gaze. Cullen’s pulse was quickening painfully in his throat when he curtly asked:
“Is that all?”
“It is all, Commander, I apologize,” Delrin bowed his head and bid his goodbyes. “I’ll go pack now. I will see you in the morning.”
Cullen feigned not to notice the last worried look the young man gave him before he turned back on his heels to exit the office through the same door the Inquisitor had opened moments ago. When he was alone, finally alone, Cullen pressed his palms against his eyes and grunted breathlessly in frustration. His whole body ached and his mind was a mess. What had he agreed to now? Did this mean he would have to deal with the sight of the Inquisitor Trevelyan serving fake smiles and undeserved giggles to random pompous nobles for three weeks?
But then he pictured her, in the light of a campfire, away from the courtesies of the day, sore and sleepy. He saw the possibility to be the steady rock she could rely on after her diplomatic duties and the fantasy made it all worthwhile. Three weeks. At least he could see her for three weeks, in different conditions than hours of meeting around the War Table or a few minutes in his office. “You could be personally guarding her.” Maker, he would like that. He saw her in his arms again, but this time warm and alive, protected, reassured, stronger. Cullen did not notice the smile blooming on his lips. For the first time, he almost was eager for the morning to come again.