CaffeinatedFlumadiddle
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In which Draco Malfoy is sorted into Gryffindor and everything kind of goes to Hell from there… but hey. At least there’s a chance he won’t grow up to be an awful person. Alternatively titled ‘Draco Malfoy and the Worst Goddamn Seven Years of His Life’
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In which Draco Malfoy is sorted into Gryffindor and everything kind of goes to Hell from there… but hey. At least there’s a chance he won’t grow up to be an awful person. Alternatively titled ‘Draco Malfoy and the Worst Goddamn Seven Years of His Life’
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10 Reasons Not to Fight a D̶r̶a̶g̶o̶n̶ Bird (a Guide by Arthur Pendragon) by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle
Fandoms: Merlin (TV)
31 Mar 2020
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“Merlin…” Arthur said as he slowly started to reach for his sword. “Don’t…Move…”
“No, no, no! Arthur, it’s alright!” Merlin said as he moved (because obviously he ignored Arthur’s orders and moved) in front of the desk. “She’s just saying hello!”
“That’s a dragon.” Arthur informed him. Merlin looked over his shoulder for a moment.
“No, it isn’t.”
There was a pause.
“Yes, it is.”
“No.” Merlin shook his head. “It…Uh, is not…A dragon.”
“Then what the Hell is it?!” Arthur asked, not letting his eyes drift away from the fire breathing demon. Yeah. That was definitely a dragon. Merlin clicked his tongue before also staring behind him.
“It is…A…Bird…”
There was another pause.
“You’re really sticking with that?”
“I am, thank you.”
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Merlin has to convince the King of Camelot that he is not, in fact, in possession of a dragon. Luckily, the rest of the kingdom has already been won over by the baby dragon and is quite willing to aid in this quest.
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“So let me get this straight,” Arthur said, folding his fingers together as the man in front him awkwardly shifted. “You are under the impression if you win the favor of my servant that you will then win my favor?” he asked and the nobleman shifted again.
“Well, sire,” he said “That is the common consensus among… the chatter.”
“The chatter,” Arthur repeated and his mind flashed to all the kindness Merlin had received from other nobles. Dear God.
Or
Merlin has all of Camelot (and neighboring kingdoms) wrapped around his finger and Arthur is beginning to resign himself to the fact his servant somehow has more power than he does.
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Storytime: Voltron is (Basically) a Disaster by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle
Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender
31 Jul 2019
Summary
The Garrison is fraught with chaos. Iverson thinks Takashi Shirogane is a heterosexual. A crazy cuban is screaming about sales tax. Keith Kogane is snapping pencils left and right. Not to mention there's a mob boss somewhere in the midst...Rumor has it that it's that Pidge Gunderson guy... And of course, Adam Frasier has been kidnapped.
...Listen. They can explain.
- Words:
- 315,873
- Works:
- 9
- Bookmarks:
- 1,055
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Merlin was technically banished, but everybody knew he wasn’t really gone. Sometimes, the cooks would leave out spare food only to find their shelves fully restocked the next day. Gwaine would leave out plans to prank the other knights and they would be carried out within the hour. Arthur would turn a blind eye to the way familiar blue eyes twinkled at him from underneath the hood of a cloak, or ignore the whispers that said the stocks were haunted.
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Merlin is basically the poltergeist of Camelot and everyone just kind of accepts it until magic is legal.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,125
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 162
- Kudos:
- 9,096
- Bookmarks:
- 1,197
- Hits:
- 52,298
Bookmarked by MidnightFragments
25 Dec 2023
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Title: Back at it Again
Rating: Gen
Summary:Merlin was technically banished, but everybody knew he wasn’t really gone. Sometimes, the cooks would leave out spare food only to find their shelves fully restocked the next day. Gwaine would leave out plans to prank the other knights and they would be carried out within the hour. Arthur would turn a blind eye to the way familiar blue eyes twinkled at him from underneath the hood of a cloak, or ignore the whispers that said the stocks were haunted.
OR
Merlin is basically the poltergeist of Camelot and everyone just kind of accepts it until magic is legal.Word count: 2,125
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Arthur hadn’t thought much of what his greatest fear would be until it was carved into his skin. The only thing worse was finding out what everyone else was afraid of.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,194
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 204
- Kudos:
- 9,379
- Bookmarks:
- 1,219
- Hits:
- 64,674
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25 Dec 2023
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Title: Scratches
Rating: Gen
Summary: Arthur hadn’t thought much of what his greatest fear would be until it was carved into his skin. The only thing worse was finding out what everyone else was afraid of.
Word count: 7,194 -
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“Well, I’ll be damned!” The old man crowed and tugged Merlin closer “How have you not seen it, Uther? The resemblance is uncanny!” He beamed, ruffling the servant’s hair “Sorry, son. You look like an old friend of ours. Good ole’ Balinor. A member of court before Uther chased him away.” The man snorted and Arthur’s gaze jerked up.
“Balinor?” He asked sharply and turned where his father was taking a sip of his wine “The dragonlord?”
OR
An old friend of Uther’s drops by and notices Merlin looks familiar. Arthur remembers Merlin’s reaction to Balinor’s death and puts the pieces together.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 16,761
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Comments:
- 276
- Kudos:
- 5,766
- Bookmarks:
- 1,080
- Hits:
- 44,592
Bookmarked by MidnightFragments
25 Dec 2023
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Title: Worth the Tears
Rating: Gen
Summary: “Well, I’ll be damned!” The old man crowed and tugged Merlin closer “How have you not seen it, Uther? The resemblance is uncanny!” He beamed, ruffling the servant’s hair “Sorry, son. You look like an old friend of ours. Good ole’ Balinor. A member of court before Uther chased him away.” The man snorted and Arthur’s gaze jerked up.
“Balinor?” He asked sharply and turned where his father was taking a sip of his wine “The dragonlord?”
OR
An old friend of Uther’s drops by and notices Merlin looks familiar. Arthur remembers Merlin’s reaction to Balinor’s death and puts the pieces together.
Word count: 16,761 -
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Eren’s been tortured. Tortured people shouldn’t have to clean. Levi disagrees.
Bookmarked by MidnightFragments
25 Dec 2023
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Title: Spotless
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Summary: Eren’s been tortured. Tortured people shouldn’t have to clean. Levi disagrees.
Word count: 2,595 -
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Summary
In which Arthur slowly loses his mind after legalizing magic in Camelot because his idiot of a manservant still won't admit he's a freaking sorcerer... No worries though. He has a plan. A well-developed, patented, highly intelligent plan that would absolutely lead to Merlin becoming his court sorcerer (because the one he has right now was a complete dimwit).
Too bad Merlin also has a plan. A well-developed, patented, highly intelligent plan to not tell Arthur he has magic under any circumstances whatsoever.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,372
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 188
- Kudos:
- 9,568
- Bookmarks:
- 1,508
- Hits:
- 57,109
Bookmarked by MidnightFragments
26 Dec 2023
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Title: A Waiting Game
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Summary: In which Arthur slowly loses his mind after legalizing magic in Camelot because his idiot of a manservant still won't admit he's a freaking sorcerer... No worries though. He has a plan. A well-developed, patented, highly intelligent plan that would absolutely lead to Merlin becoming his court sorcerer (because the one he has right now was a complete dimwit).Too bad Merlin also has a plan. A well-developed, patented, highly intelligent plan to not tell Arthur he has magic under any circumstances whatsoever.
Word count: 6,372 -
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“They say Emrys tamed the great dragon of Camelot and sired the white dragon of Albion-”
“Sired?” Gwaine interrupted “This Emrys fellow is going around siring dragons? How exactly is that happening? Sex with other dragons?” He asked and despite the situation, Merlin flushed. The man in question blinked, looking equally baffled by the question. From the corner of his eye, Merlin could see Arthur pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Uh…I actually don’t know.”
“But you’re Emrys,” Merlin reminded the imposter with a sigh “You don’t remember siring any dragons?”
“I said it was an off day!” The man complained, trying to cross his arms despite being upside down. Merlin took a long breath. Lancelot had already walked away, but that did nothing to hide his howling laughter.
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The knights keep hearing various (dramatic) rumors about the great and mighty Emrys. Everyone is such a gossip. Merlin is trying not to have a heart attack. Lancelot is loving life.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,568
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 452
- Kudos:
- 30,982
- Bookmarks:
- 5,425
- Hits:
- 204,803
Bookmarked by MidnightFragments
26 Dec 2023
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Title: Have you heard
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Summary: “They say Emrys tamed the great dragon of Camelot and sired the white dragon of Albion-”“Sired?” Gwaine interrupted “This Emrys fellow is going around siring dragons? How exactly is that happening? Sex with other dragons?” He asked and despite the situation, Merlin flushed. The man in question blinked, looking equally baffled by the question. From the corner of his eye, Merlin could see Arthur pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Uh…I actually don’t know.”
“But you’re Emrys,” Merlin reminded the imposter with a sigh “You don’t remember siring any dragons?”
“I said it was an off day!” The man complained, trying to cross his arms despite being upside down. Merlin took a long breath. Lancelot had already walked away, but that did nothing to hide his howling laughter.
Or
The knights keep hearing various (dramatic) rumors about the great and mighty Emrys. Everyone is such a gossip. Merlin is trying not to have a heart attack. Lancelot is loving life.
Word count: 6,568 -
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Summary
“So let me get this straight,” Arthur said, folding his fingers together as the man in front him awkwardly shifted. “You are under the impression if you win the favor of my servant that you will then win my favor?” he asked and the nobleman shifted again.
“Well, sire,” he said “That is the common consensus among… the chatter.”
“The chatter,” Arthur repeated and his mind flashed to all the kindness Merlin had received from other nobles. Dear God.
Or
Merlin has all of Camelot (and neighboring kingdoms) wrapped around his finger and Arthur is beginning to resign himself to the fact his servant somehow has more power than he does.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,881
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 492
- Kudos:
- 29,442
- Bookmarks:
- 5,131
- Hits:
- 170,902
Bookmarked by MidnightFragments
26 Dec 2023
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Title: Catching Bees with Honey
Rating: Gen
Summary: “So let me get this straight,” Arthur said, folding his fingers together as the man in front him awkwardly shifted. “You are under the impression if you win the favor of my servant that you will then win my favor?” He asked and the nobleman shifted again.“Well, sire.” He said “That is the common consensus among… The chatter.”
“The chatter.” Arthur repeated and his mind flashed to all the kindness Merlin had received from other nobles. Dear God.
Or
Merlin has all of Camelot (and neighboring kingdoms) wrapped around his finger and Arthur is beginning to resign himself to the fact his servant somehow has more power than he does.
Word count: 5,881 -
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Summary
Arthur watched, unable to fully comprehend the events that had seemingly just crashed and burned in front of him rather than calmly unfold. He turned to look at the other knights who only shrugged as Mordred sank lower into his seat, lips pressed into a pout as he picked at his food.
“I…” He started and paused, taking a moment to gather his thoughts “Why do you want Merlin to like you so badly?” He finally sighed. Mordred stopped playing with his food, glancing up before looking at the door the servant in question had exited through
“Because he’s Merlin.” He said as if that provided any sort of answer.
Arthur didn’t deserve this. He did his best to be a good person. Maybe this was some kind of divine intervention saying he needed to up his charity game. He needed to give the lower town a bigger tax break or something. Perhaps ride out and save three more damsels than usual.
"He has a point," Gwaine piped up as he inhaled another mead "He is Merlin."
Or
Merlin hates Mordred and Mordred is determined to put an end to that. Arthur is convinced that this child is after his man.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 23,846
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Comments:
- 400
- Kudos:
- 14,926
- Bookmarks:
- 3,004
- Hits:
- 138,642
Bookmarked by MidnightFragments
26 Dec 2023
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Title: Thick as Sorcerers
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Summary: Arthur watched, unable to fully comprehend the events that had seemingly just crashed and burned in front of him rather than calmly unfold. He turned to look at the other knights who only shrugged as Mordred sank lower into his seat, lips pressed into a pout as he picked at his food.“I…” He started and paused, taking a moment to gather his thoughts “Why do you want Merlin to like you so badly?” He finally sighed. Mordred stopped playing with his food, glancing up before looking at the door the servant in question had exited through
“Because he’s Merlin.” He said as if that provided any sort of answer.
Arthur didn’t deserve this. He did his best to be a good person. Maybe this was some kind of divine intervention saying he needed to up his charity game. He needed to give the lower town a bigger tax break or something. Perhaps ride out and save three more damsels than usual.
"He has a point," Gwaine piped up as he inhaled another mead "He is Merlin."
Or
Merlin hates Mordred and Mordred is determined to put an end to that. Arthur is convinced that this child is after his man.
Word count: 23,846 -
Hello Ocean, My Old Friend by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle
Fandoms: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
23 Jul 2019
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Summary
Poseidon keeps getting offerings from Percy’s baby sister. He doesn’t quite know how to feel about this small child vying for his attention…At the very least he would keep Zeus from blowing up whenever her prayers interrupted council meetings.
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Rick Riordan gave us Estelle Blofis and I am thrilled. She's going to get Poseidon to attend family events even if every god on Olympus kills her.
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,286
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 268
- Kudos:
- 13,307
- Bookmarks:
- 1,906
- Hits:
- 94,186
Bookmarked by MidnightFragments
26 Dec 2023
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Title: Hello Ocean, My Old Friend
Rating: Gen
Summary: Poseidon keeps getting offerings from Percy’s baby sister. He doesn’t quite know how to feel about this small child vying for his attention…At the very least he would keep Zeus from blowing up whenever her prayers interrupted council meetings.Or
Rick Riordan gave us Estelle Blofis and I am thrilled. She's going to get Poseidon to attend family events even if every god on Olympus kills her.
Word count: 7,286Part 1 of Estelle is Trying Her Best but Those Olympians Make it Like...Really Hard
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Stayin' Alive, Ah, Ha...Oh by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle
Fandoms: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
10 Aug 2019
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Summary
"Perseus," Poseidon said and paused "How do you feel?"
"Dead." Percy nodded. That seemed accurate. Poseidon rose his eyebrows. "Because I am dead." He added...In case that hadn't been clear. He looked down at his body - which felt very strange because he shouldn't have a body. "You have put me in a flesh prison." He observed. Poseidon opened his mouth as if to respond and then instead looked over at Hades.
"Look, brother," He said with a raise of his hands "I did my best."
There was a beat of silence in which Poseidon stood back up and ran a hand over his face.
"Well," He grimaced as he looked down at his son "I suppose it is time to answer his sister's prayers."
Or
Percy was murdered in the lamest of ways but luckily has the coolest sister ever to help him with the whole 'living' thing again (aka I still love Estelle Blofis).
Series
Bookmarked by MidnightFragments
26 Dec 2023
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Title: Stayin' Alive, Ah, Ha...Oh
Rating: Gen
Summary: "Perseus," Poseidon said and paused "How do you feel?""Dead." Percy nodded. That seemed accurate. Poseidon rose his eyebrows. "Because I am dead." He added...In case that hadn't been clear. He looked down at his body - which felt very strange because he shouldn't have a body. "You have put me in a flesh prison." He observed. Poseidon opened his mouth as if to respond and then instead looked over at Hades.
"Look, brother," He said with a raise of his hands "I did my best."
There was a beat of silence in which Poseidon stood back up and ran a hand over his face.
"Well," He grimaced as he looked down at his son "I suppose it is time to answer his sister's prayers."
Or
Percy was murdered in the lamest of ways but luckily has the coolest sister ever to help him with the whole 'living' thing again (aka I still love Estelle Blofis).
Word count: 7,378Part 2 of Estelle is Trying Her Best but Those Olympians Make it Like...Really Hard
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Summary
The Dorocha. They are the voices of the dead, my child. And, like the dead, they are numberless.
Or
A different take of the dorocha. Instead of them being faceless screams that attack you, they are actually figures of the dead. Merlin doesn't quite realize how much death affected him until him and the knights go to close the veil.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 22,517
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Comments:
- 192
- Kudos:
- 5,046
- Bookmarks:
- 1,278
- Hits:
- 42,440
Bookmarked by MidnightFragments
26 Dec 2023
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Title: Whispering Your Name
Rating: Teen and up Audiences
Summary: The Dorocha. They are the voices of the dead, my child. And, like the dead, they are numberless.Or
A different take of the dorocha. Instead of them being faceless screams that attack you, they are actually figures of the dead. Merlin doesn't quite realize how much death affected him until him and the knights go to close the veil.
Word count: 22,517 -
Here Comes the Groom('s Father) by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle
Fandoms: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
10 Sep 2019
Tags
Summary
"Sir?" Charon called, shoving a soul away when they tried to jump in the boat "What's the verdict?"
Hades tossed him the drachma and sighed.
"Technically...No rules were broken. It appears Mr. Snuffle Puff's spirit will meet the judges of the Underworld." He said and looked down at the cat. "Good luck."
"Mister who now?" Charon asked, eyes sparkling for a moment as Hades glowered at him. Mr. Snuffle Puff jumped on the boat, knocking Charon's sack of coins into the river as he did so. "Son of - you'll be judged of that!" Charon scowled, trying to grab at the coins. Hades sighed walked away. He really hated Estelle Blofis.
Or
Estelle Blofis is determined to get Hades to his son's wedding. Little does she know she has been annoying him for years now. Percy loves and supports his little sister as she annoys Olympus.
Series
Bookmarked by MidnightFragments
02 Jan 2024
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Title: Here Comes the Groom('s Father)
Rating: Gen
Summary:
"Sir?" Charon called, shoving a soul away when they tried to jump in the boat "What's the verdict?"Hades tossed him the drachma and sighed.
"Technically...No rules were broken. It appears Mr. Snuffle Puff's spirit will meet the judges of the Underworld." He said and looked down at the cat. "Good luck."
"Mister who now?" Charon asked, eyes sparkling for a moment as Hades glowered at him. Mr. Snuffle Puff jumped on the boat, knocking Charon's sack of coins into the river as he did so. "Son of - you'll be judged of that!" Charon scowled, trying to grab at the coins. Hades sighed walked away. He really hated Estelle Blofis.
Or
Estelle Blofis is determined to get Hades to his son's wedding. Little does she know she has been annoying him for years now. Percy loves and supports his little sister as she annoys Olympus.
Word count: 8,054Part 3 of Estelle is Trying Her Best but Those Olympians Make it Like...Really Hard
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Summary
"Where did you get that?" Arthur asked, but he already knew the answer.
"Gwen."
"...and the horse?"
"Gwen."
"What about the-"
"Gwen." Merlin interrupted. Arthur nodded. At this point, he wasn't sure why he even bothered to ask. He was pretty certain his wife was going to knight Merlin any day now. He looked Merlin up and down for a few moments before accepting it all with a sigh.
"As long as you get my armor to me tomorrow...I don't care." He finally said, turning away. Merlin cleared his throat.
"Gwen gave me tomorrow off."
"For the love of God."
Or
I hate that Gwen and Merlin's friendship kind of withered away in the later seasons so here's a oneshot about her and Merlin abusing her new royal powers because that's what happens when your best friend becomes queen.
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,326
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Comments:
- 262
- Kudos:
- 7,714
- Bookmarks:
- 1,295
- Hits:
- 56,242
Bookmarked by MidnightFragments
02 Jan 2024
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Title: Loyalty Before Royalty
Rating: Gen
Summary:
"Where did you get that?" Arthur asked, but he already knew the answer."Gwen."
"...and the horse?"
"Gwen."
"What about the-"
"Gwen." Merlin interrupted. Arthur nodded. At this point, he wasn't sure why he even bothered to ask. He was pretty certain his wife was going to knight Merlin any day now. He looked Merlin up and down for a few moments before accepting it all with a sigh.
"As long as you get my armor to me tomorrow...I don't care." He finally said, turning away. Merlin cleared his throat.
"Gwen gave me tomorrow off."
"For the love of God."
Or
I hate that Gwen and Merlin's friendship kind of withered away in the later seasons so here's a oneshot about her and Merlin abusing her new royal powers because that's what happens when your best friend becomes queen.
Word count: 10,326 -
Tags
Summary
When a new position is made in the royal household to oversee the servants, Arthur didn’t think much of it. It was only days later when he noticed the mysterious injuries appearing on frightened servants that the prince decided to go undercover and to find out what is going on.
Meanwhile, Merlin thinks the newest servant is a mess.
Or
Arthur learns what it is like to be a servant and learns some interesting thing about his own servant.
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 81,657
- Chapters:
- 11/11
- Comments:
- 798
- Kudos:
- 7,782
- Bookmarks:
- 1,593
- Hits:
- 123,846
Bookmarked by MidnightFragments
02 Jan 2024
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Title: The Serving of Servants
Rating: Teen and up Audiences
Summary:
When a new position is made in the royal household to oversee the servants, Arthur didn’t think much of it. It was only days later when he noticed the mysterious injuries appearing on frightened servants that the prince decided to go undercover and to find out what is going on.Meanwhile, Merlin thinks the newest servant is a mess.
Or
Arthur learns what it is like to be a servant and learns some interesting thing about his own servant.
Word count: 81,657Part 1 of The Grand and Dramatic Adventures of Nobleman Meravice and his Servant Arnold
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Summary
"Really?" Arthur asked, brushing the dirt off of him as he glowered at the man. "Again? I had it under control - and we aren't allies!" He added heatedly. Balinor shrugged, looking nonplussed by Arthur's anger as he stroked the dragon's wing.
"I know." Balinor said simply. "But I promised my son I wouldn't let you die."
"Your...You have a son?" Arthur demanded. Again, Balinor shrugged. "Why does your son...? Nevermind. Don't save me again!" He snapped, pointing a finger at the man. He turned to stalk back to the horse only for a column of fire to blow past him. The prince jumped. He spun around to tell the man off again but immediately noticed one of the remaining bandits who had been slowly creeping towards him burnt to a crisp. He looked back at Balinor.
"Sorry."
Or
Balinor lives. Arthur will do pretty much anything to get the man to stop saving his life.
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,468
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Comments:
- 405
- Kudos:
- 12,547
- Bookmarks:
- 2,064
- Hits:
- 95,602
Bookmarked by MidnightFragments
02 Jan 2024
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Bookmarker's Notes
Title: Returning the Favor
Rating: Gen
Summary:
"Really?" Arthur asked, brushing the dirt off of him as he glowered at the man. "Again? I had it under control - and we aren't allies!" He added heatedly. Balinor shrugged, looking nonplussed by Arthur's anger as he stroked the dragon's wing."I know." Balinor said simply. "But I promised my son I wouldn't let you die."
"Your...You have a son?" Arthur demanded. Again, Balinor shrugged. "Why does your son...? Nevermind. Don't save me again!" He snapped, pointing a finger at the man. He turned to stalk back to the horse only for a column of fire to blow past him. The prince jumped. He spun around to tell the man off again but immediately noticed one of the remaining bandits who had been slowly creeping towards him burnt to a crisp. He looked back at Balinor.
"Sorry."
Or
Balinor lives. Arthur will do pretty much anything to get the man to stop saving his life.
Word count: 12,468
