Tesco
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“What are you doing?” John hissed.
“Calling for help,” Sherlock said, looking around for the girl who came to help when the red button was pressed.
“Are you out of your mind?” John said quietly, trying to maintain a controlled tone. They were already getting unwanted attention from some of the nearby customers.
“What? Why?” Sherlock asked.
“Someone will see our items and come to the wrong conclusion.”
“What conclusion, John?”
“Two blokes buying wine and condoms on a Saturday evening? WHAT DO YOU THINK, GENIUS?” John almost yelled the last question.
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The tenth Doctor becomes human to settle down with Rose. Will it be happily ever after or is it a mistake?
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In which Sherlock fulfills a promise to John in order to demonstrate that he is a good flatmate.
ETA: Thanks to Jolie_Black for an impromptu Brit pick. Read the comments if you like to nerd out on words!
Disclaimer: Sherlock Holmes and his universe are the creation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Sherlock is the creation of the BBC and its partners, and of co-creators Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss. This work is for my pleasure and that of my readers; I am not profiting from the intellectual property of those creators listed above.
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So Let Me Know The Truth Before I Dive Right Into You by katarkiwi
Fandoms: Sherlock (TV)
18 Mar 2017
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"I am not gay!"
"Yeah, don't ever try to tell him he's straight, either."
Or, John and Sherlock bump into John's old friend and Sherlock finds something about John he was not expecting.
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Doctor Who: Fix in Tesco by TARDIS_Type40_my_all_time_favourite1986
Fandoms: Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who
23 Mar 2019
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Embarrassment? For Jackie Tyler probably a foreign word. However, when shopping, she more than embarrasses her daughter.
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Check Out by toast_boy for jennandblitz, Purplechimera
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
10 May 2019
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Why he ever chose to work in retail at a fucking Tesco was a mystery. Well no, it wasn’t. He was a broke sixteen year old living on the street with no choice but to work at Tesco. But why he chose to stay, however, was a mystery. He was twenty-fucking-seven and still sitting behind a counter, scanning food and mindlessly calling out “8.67 please,” when he had the potential and will to be something much more.
The only thing that motivated him into staying was the bloke that came in every single Tuesday, buying the exact same thing over and over again. Rice, eggs, bananas, chicken, sriracha, spinach, frozen berries, milk and bags of mixed nuts. Every single time.
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In which Sirius works at Tesco and Remus is a body builder who eats a lot of chicken.
Series
- Part 1 of Chicken Man
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Lily made a gleeful sound as she stirred around in the pot of tomato sauce.
“You’re going on a date with chicken man,” she repeated again.
“Yes, Lily, I’m going on a date,”
“This is great!” she exclaimed, turning around again. “You’ll get out of the flat and socialize a person who’s not me, James or your dog. You get to have an actual conversation with an actual person!”
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Sirius and Remus go on their first date
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- Part 2 of Chicken Man
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There was one thing in the world that Harry hated more than anything else, that was shopping. After a long and arduous conversation with Hermione about house elves, Draco decided to start shopping himself instead of asking Kreacher to do it for him. The day Hermione convinced Draco to join S.P.E.W. was the day he decided she was no longer his best friend, but obviously an evil heinous enemy.
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Harry and Draco, in the aisle of Tesco.
Series
- Part 6 of DracoHarry100 Christmas Fics
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Nikignik goes to Tesco by basilliketheherb for rvemorgve, william (i am so sorry)
Fandoms: Hello From The Hallowoods (Podcast)
30 Jan 2021
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nikignik goes to Tesco go buy choccy milk and wonder bread even though Tesco is a UK based company and wonder bread is from the us I think!!!
But GASP!!!! stinky fish man wants the choccy milk too, and there's only one bottle in Tesco!!! Will nikignik be able to have his choccy milk??????? Will Diggory be okay after eating rotten meat??????? Why does everyone legally have to do the macarena???????? Find out the answers to two of these three questions on tonight's totally real and legit episode of hello from the hallowoods!!!!!!!!!
Series
- Part 1 of The Shopping Saga
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Fix-it AU, set in a nebulous (though near enough now) future. No one dies, everyone shags, excepting the Tesco's Express employee, and he might very well, off screen, but not either of our boys, no. Complete crack, utterly unbeta'd, purely for amusement; you have been warned.
(This was meant to be a longer chaptered fic but it languished. Worth saving what there was of it, though.)
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Tommyinnit Makes Tesco's 1000% Funnier!!! by justanotheridiot (everyones_favorite_idiot)
Fandoms: Video Blogging RPF
20 Nov 2021
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Tommy Innit was a big man, very big indeed, so of course he wasn't deterred when someone was trying to steal from the local Tesco's. And being the incredibly big man that he was, he had taken it upon himself to defend said Tesco's.
Tommy had no idea what possessed him to reach into his plastic bag and chuck a can of spaghetti-o's at Dream's face. Perhaps it was the fact that he was the main character. Or maybe he was just plain stupid.
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Tommyinnit gets tossed out of his apartment by an irritated Tubbo and somehow ends up trying (and failing) to stop grocery store robber Dream.
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“Such talk coming from a pussy who won’t even show his face,” George spits, glaring.
“Don’t forget,” the hunter’s voice drops to a low whisper, “I’ll send shivers down your spine.”
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Walking through Stone town centre at six o’clock on Christmas Eve had not been the Captain’s plan. He’d thought he would be at home, with his dog Barry and a mug of hot chocolate, watching whatever Christmassy crap was on telly and scoffing at the cheesiness of it all (but secretly enjoying it, not that he would admit that to anyone, not even himself). But life seemed to have other plans.
Series
- Part 38 of Inktober52 2021
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Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - The Skye Beach Stranger by lukastilheere
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
11 Feb 2022
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Canon, One Shot - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, 7th book. Harry, Ron and Hermione have escaped the Ministry of Magic with the locket, and are on the move across the countryside. They apparate to a new location on the Isle of Skye, and encounter an interesting man by the sea while looking for food.
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My Sweet Angel | My Lucky Charm (Instagram Version) // kfanfics_daily by orphan_account
Fandoms: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
20 Feb 2022
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Every exam season, there was a big crave for these cards that apparently gives you good luck. You never believed it, but brought it anyways because even your little sister wouldn’t shut up about them.
This was actually a collaborative writing. However, Bruce did the plot and story cover whilst I (Theo) did the story itself.
Series
- Part 1 of Theo’s stories
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Phil has been painted like a picture. by orphan_account
Fandoms: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
21 Feb 2022
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Mummy had left for groceries.
Techno was glad that she was the only one.
Phil was taking a nap. Techno was looking worried.
All Tommy knew was that Mummy had left her make-up on the table.
'Wilby,' Tommy said, pulling away Wilbur's homework, 'I've got an idea.'
Will looked at him crossly. 'Look at this line,' he said, stabbing at a pen mark half the page, 'now I have to re-write this.'
Tommy pouted. 'Please?'
'If it begins with 'park,' then no.'
'It doesn't.'
//
or, Tommy's mum leaves her make-up out, and Phil is sleeping. That clicks.Series
- Part 9 of Tommyinnit survives the Rightway School
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Bitter-Sweet Tesco Trips by RockySidewalks
Fandoms: Heartstopper (Webcomic), Heartstopper (TV)
02 Feb 2023
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Nick is a frequent Tesco customer, so he notices when things start to change there, like prices. The most notable change for him, though, is the cute new cashier. At least that's all for a while.
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Food or clothing? by Loveathasminfic
Fandoms: Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
19 Feb 2023
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13, Yaz and Dan have a trip around Liverpool and buy some food-based clothing and stop off at Dan’s favourite place for lunch which isn’t exactly what the other two expected!
Series
- Part 9 of Sugar and Sprouts
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It's what should be a textbook sexual identity crisis.
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Bookmarked by Brunettepet
14 Mar 2021
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Bookmarker's Notes
This hilarious holiday story had me laughing and laughing.