18 Works in Numpties (Simon Snow)

Listing Works

  1. Tags
    Summary

    Remus Lupin is the worst Chosen One who's ever been chosen.

    That's what his roommate, Sirius, says. And Sirius might be evil and a vampire and a complete git, but he's probably right.

    Half the time, Remus can't even make his wand work, and the other half, he starts something on fire. His mentor's avoiding him, his girlfriend broke up with him, and there's a magic-eating monster running around, wearing Remus' face. Sirius would be having a field day with all this, if he were here — it's their last year at the Hogwarts, and Remus' infuriating nemesis didn't even bother to show up.

    Language:
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    15,785
    Chapters:
    9/?
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
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  2. Tags
    Summary

    Baz has something to tell Simon about his time with the numpties. He doesn't want to.

     

    The first time I gave Snow the details about the kidnapping, I tried to play it down. I didn’t lie, really, but I implied that it was mostly okay. And I’ve tried to keep that rationality when I look back on it now. Like I didn’t see Philippa. Like I didn’t-

    Language:
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    Kudos:
    100
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  3. Tags
    Summary

    Penny says there isn't any connection between magicians and healing other than healing magic. But she's always been magic, so I don't see how she'd know. She's got magic all summer. And she grew up with magic. It's hard for her to know what it's like away from it. Always a little hungry, a little less healthy, and well, not cold exactly. But like, normally you're around this nice fire, on a cold night, and you want to draw close?

     

    Or, Baz has been casting healing spells on Simon for the last eight years and Simon has no idea, so what happens when Baz goes missing?

    Language:
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    Hits:
    1,673
  4. Tags
    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,213
    Chapters:
    31/?
    Comments:
    110
    Kudos:
    82
    Hits:
    5,442
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Baz is closed in the coffin and it doesn't seem like someone is going to get him out of it any soon. All he can do is think. Think, think, think.
    Think about what he's going to do to those disgusting numpties when he finally gets out of there, even though "when" is disturbingly starting to look more like "if", think about that no one is probably looking for him right now, think about how hungry and tired he is, and think about how he could break the coffin and kill those bloody creatures, but he can't. And sometimes about how much he hates Simon Snow and his unreasonably beautiful eyes.
    Actually all the time.

    Welcome to Baz's chaotic inner monologue.

    Language:
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    Bookmarks:
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    Hits:
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  6. Tags
    Summary

    When a magician comes into their magic, they gain the ability to communicate with their soulmate. From the time they turn eleven, any message they write on their skin ends up on the skin of their soulmate. There are rules, as magic always has: only they can write to their soulmate and they can’t reveal their names to each other until they turn 18.

    Losing a soulmate connection is practically unheard of. When Simon Snow suddenly loses his, he knows just who to blame: it must be the doing of his ever-scheming roommate.

    For Baz Pitch, losing his soulmate is really just an inevitable side-effect of being a vampire. It confirms, once and for all, that he is a monster. After all, how can one still have a soulmate if they no longer have a soul?

    Language:
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    Chapters:
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    Collections:
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    Kudos:
    596
    Bookmarks:
    123
    Hits:
    8,576
  7. Tags
    Summary

    [Eighth Year Canon Divergent AU]

    "They held me hostage for six weeks!"
    "Your aunt should have asked for help!"
    "If you'd been there, Snow, all the numpties would be dead."
    "Maybe." Simon sticks his chin out. "But it wouldn't have taken six weeks."
    - Carry On, Chapter 66

    Fiona opts for the hammer instead of the scalpel.

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  8. Tags
    Summary

    (Vera’s a Normal. She rationalizes all our strangeness by pretending we’re in the Mafia. Father spells her innocent whenever it gets to be too much for her.) - p.157, (Kindle Edition.)

     

    And so, I present to you: Oblivious Vera™, on the day Baz gets kidnapped.
     
    Omertà - (n.) An oath, Taken by the Mafia; Code of Silence

    TW: Kidnapping (canon level), Perceived Mafia Violence (not explicit)

    CARRY ON COUNTDOWN, DAY 4 - SIDE CHARACTERS: VERA.

    Series
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    Collections:
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    Comments:
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    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
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  9. Tags
    Summary

    When Baz returns to Watford after being kidnapped by Numpties, Simon confronts him to figure out where he was. What happens when Simon's got Baz pinned against a wall?
    prompt #3: "Stop lying to me."

    Series
    Language:
    English
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    Chapters:
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    Comments:
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    Kudos:
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    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    2,726
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Post-Carry On, Simon and Baz find themselves separate, navigating the emotional aftermath of the Mage’s plans. What if Baz wasn’t the first vampire with magic? What if the first had been employed for the darker part of Simon’s origins? Would Fiona leave Baz to die for disgracing the family by being kidnapped by numpties twice? Numpties and vampires galore, and all plot points and chapter titles are inspired by the lyrics to Bear Hands’ song Giants, the “MOST SIMONY SONG THAT HAS EVER SIMONED.”

    Regularly updated weekly, sometimes twice a week if we're lucky.

    Language:
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    Chapters:
    12/30
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    35
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    804
  11. Tags
    Summary

    baz and simon got together just before they ended their seventh year at Watford. simon is excited (and a bit nervous) to see baz once they return for their last year, but gets concerned that maybe baz won't show at all (spoilers: he doesn't, and i bet you can guess why)

    Language:
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    Chapters:
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    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    149
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    1,474
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Mordelia Grimm is a magical archivist on assignment in North Carolina. She gets hoodwinked by local mages. She meets a Shepard.

    Language:
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    Chapters:
    8/8
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    63
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    811
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Baz comes back, Simon realizes he doesn't hate Baz, they become friends, Dev and Niall join the group, Agatha gets a second chance to redeem herself. This is just a huge attempted fix-it.
    I don't own any of the characters Rainbow Rowell has graciously created. I make no money off of this, and I do not intend to infringe upon copyright restrictions.

    Language:
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    Chapters:
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    Comments:
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    Hits:
    1,085
  14. Tags
    Summary

    “your throat is tight, you can't breathe. Another kiss is all you need”

    Language:
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    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
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    Bookmarks:
    2
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  15. Tags
    Summary

    “I feel like I got hit by a car...wait I did? It was your car?”

     

    (I wrote this under half an hour at 2:30 am on my phone last night because I had the sudden urge to ‘release my creatovr juices’ .Constructive criticism is not welcome cuz I already know what’s missing, I’m just lazy- I’m joking.)

    Language:
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    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    727
  16. Tags
    Summary

    What if Simon actually had helped the Pitches find Baz?

    Language:
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    Words:
    556
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    48
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    483
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Canon divergence taking place in their eight-year at Watford. After returning to school, Simon confronts Baz about what happened the previous year, with him and Agatha in the Wavering Woods. After Baz finally admits to him that he has no interest in Agatha since he is gay and now has a boyfriend, their relationship shifts from enemies to friends.
    But what happens when Simon starts suspecting that Don, Baz’s boyfriend, might be doing Baz more harm than he is doing good?

    We also find out what happened to Baz during the summer and how it all - including Don - is connected to Natasha Pitch's murder.
     

     

    ‘When I looked back, Baz was already on the premises and was walking towards Mummer’s House. And something in the way he was moving made me realize Baz didn’t seem happy.
    That was the first time I noticed something seemed off.
    It was not the last.’

    Language:
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    Chapters:
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    Comments:
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    Kudos:
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    Bookmarks:
    60
    Hits:
    9,731
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Baz is not looking forward to a trip with his aunt.

    Language:
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    Words:
    1,344
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    102
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    757

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