StaccatoSlytherin
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Recent works
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Potions and Chemistry by malascientia (StaccatoSlytherin)
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
05 Oct 2025
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Summary
Eleven years after the Battle of Hogwarts, Hermione Granger finds herself returning to the castle--this time as the Potions professor. She has earned a Mastery in Potions as well as a degree in Chemistry from muggle uni, and intends to provide her students with an integrated curriculum that combines the two.
The Hogwarts Board of Governors, unfortunately, still maintains its 'traditional' approach of passing on seats within Pureblood families. Draco Malfoy now holds his father's seat, but lacks Lucius's disdain for all things progressive. He, along with most of the board, is willing to bring wizarding education into modern times; however, not all of the governors share that goal. When word gets out after the first day of classes that Hermione has added a muggle Chemistry textbook to the Potions requirements and that she doesn't wear wizarding robes to teach, the Board receives angry letters from traditional parents demanding they act.
Draco, as the only one on the Board familiar with both subjects, is nominated to sit in on all of Hermione's classes. Needless to say, she doesn't take kindly to being babysat by Draco Malfoy, of all people.
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Please by malascientia (StaccatoSlytherin) for AngelaMattes
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
04 Sep 2025
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Summary
“Darling,” he panted, dutifully kneeling beside the hearth, wearing nothing but hope.
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Draco just wants to be Hermione's good boy. A birthday drabble featuring a whimpering, simp Draco and a stoic, seductive Hermione. -
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Summary
There it sat, unoccupied and innocuous. No one had said it was off-limits, but there was something vaguely threatening about the device. It emitted an unnatural glow and there seemed to be a strange sound coming from its general vicinity.
“I’m going to do it,” Theo announced, eyeing up the empty desk. From beside him came an incredulous scoff.
“Sure you will,” Draco intoned, raising his brow in challenge.
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If you've never before considered how many names of birds could otherwise lead to porn, consider this crack fic an edifying experience.
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To the Viktor Go the Spoils by malascientia (StaccatoSlytherin)
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
01 Sep 2025
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Summary
For Hermione's birthday, all she wants is a chance to treat herself without any guilt or concern for what others may think. After an international Portkey to Bulgaria, she finally indulges in her greatest fantasy with an old friend, who doesn't disappoint.
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Monsterfucking Is The Tits by malascientia (StaccatoSlytherin) for Ivmaruva
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
26 Aug 2025
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Summary
Hermione just wants to read her monsterfucking novel in bed, but Draco has other plans.
Enjoy this ridiculous crack love letter to one of my fave artists, ivmaruva, on her birthday! Thanks for all of the amazing art and delicious filth. Hope you enjoy!
(inspired by her latest NSFW offering to us unworthy mortals)