Chapter Text
How did you feel about this?
I didn't know what I felt. There was too much going on in my mind, so many feelings that I couldn't place. I knew I felt anger, that was for sure. Mr. Valdez befriended me because I looked like the woman in the picture. He thought of me as this person in the picture, and not for who I am. I was not Liz Booker, I was Piper McLean to him.
So this discovery had somehow changed the way you originally perceived Leo Valdez?
Somehow, yes. The revelation didn't sink to me fast in the next few weeks. I tried to avoid Leo, but I still do my morning ritual sometimes. He complained that I wasn't seeing him anymore, and he missed me a lot lately. I lost the will to speak to him, to ask questions, to start a small conversation. I distracted myself doing schoolwork in his room whenever he ate, played with his toys, talked to himself, looked at his photo albums.
Sometimes I wished he would forget me the next day, so when I came to his room, I would be an absolutely new person to him. Sometimes, whenever I cleaned his room, I would keep his photo albums away from his reach, but eventually he'd find them and read them.
You don't want to be Piper McLean.
I don't want to be his Piper McLean.
(a female voice in the background, a plate being placed down on the table.)
Did you confront him about this?
Several times. The first time, though, was a Saturday morning. I was in fairly good spirits; I greeted everyone inside the apartment complex, ran errands for the landlady, free of charge, though partly to get a discount for the rent payment. I came late to Leo's apartment. He was fiddling with his fingers, looking nervous. He looked up from his feet when I entered, and he stood up. "Lizzy, can we go out?"
Something was clearly bothering him. We went out to the backyard gardens. He wore his overalls, freshly laundered, and he sprawled out on the grass, watching the blue, sunless sky. I sat near him with my schoolwork, going through my notes and my phone's playlists, one of my earphones plugged to the device. Leo rolled on his stomach, crawled to me and placed his chin on my lap, looking down on the book and the sticky notes that I put in various places. He was a like a lost puppy, tired, looking for comfort from his master.
The gesture was too intimate for me. The way that he acted like a child sometimes endeared me, but he was an adult, a man around his fifties, forties at least. Anyone could look at us and probably mistake this relationship as something else, a May-December romance that's always looked down upon by society and everyone else, unless I'm thirty. Everyone seems to conceive every relationship that is not family-related as romance, or will lead to it.
No one was around though, maybe the landlady was looking at us through the window, but I let Leo play with the pages of the book quietly. He looked confused. He was bothered with something, but he wouldn't tell me. He half-distracted me in studying my notes. And, I don't know, I mentioned that he was like a puppy, right? Because I found myself ruffling his hair. He liked it, and he started to fall asleep quietly.
I cleared my throat. "Mr. Valdez."
He opened his eyes, and sat up, shaking his head. "Sorry," he murmured. "And it's 'Leo'."
"I know." I smoothed my pants. My tone almost sounded cold, and Leo didn't like that. "I want to ask you something."
He nodded once. Maybe I was too straightforward. Maybe it was my tone or something. But he seemed afraid about my incoming query.
"Do I look like someone?"
He only stared at me, not showing any kind of expression. Then he shook his head. "I don't get it."
"Do I look like someone from your photo albums?" I said, more gently this time.
He shifted. "Y-yes...you mean...you're not you?"
"Leo." I closed my textbook. "I'm not her."
"I know you're not her. But you're her. You look like her. Ack." He held the side of his head, a pain expression on his face.
"But do you know the girl's name?"
"I...I don't know. My...my brain is spinning." He was now holding his head with both hands, and held his arms and we both stood up. I pushed him too far, I knew. Or maybe I triggered something in his brain, in his mind and memories.
"Lizzy, I'm dizzy," he said, but for a moment he grinned, somehow triumphant and amused by his choice of words. "Lizzy, dizzy, dizzy, Lizzy."
What about his friends? Ms. Levesque and Mr. Grace?
Ah. It would be easier to get some answers from them, but the problem was me. I was too afraid to ask them anything, because there was a big chance that they were going to tell it to me straightforwardly. No hesitation, and all that. I had a feeling that they would tell me everything.
As much as I wanted to know some answers to me being Piper McLean's stunt double for Leo Valdez, I was scared to know the truth.
I'm sorry, this is supposed to be an interview. You're looking for facts, not my opinion or my feelings.
No, please, tell me everything. This is your point-of-view, your side of the story. I want to know what you think is the truth. Who did you confront first?
Miss Levesque. I was comfortable with her, and knew her better than her other companion, Jason Grace, who seemed to keep his distance from me. Maybe he really didn't mean it, but he rarely talked to me directly.
I sneaked a photo album out of Leo's room one day, when she was down in the lounge talking to the landlady. She saw me, invited me to seat with her and have coffee, if I had time and I wasn't too busy with anything else. Then she eyed the album tucked in my arms, and her smile dropped, slightly.
We exchanged a few pleasantries, ask about how we were, before she finally asked about the album. I didn't sit down, even though she kept insisting. I opened the book and laid it down on the table, and flipped to the page where the picture of the girl was prominent.
Ms. Levesque's lips were a straight line. She wanted to explain, but she waited for me, waited for a cue.
"Who is she?" I asked.
"Piper McLean," she answered. "A friend of ours. She died, almost thirty years ago."
I nodded. I kept looking at her, expecting for more. She was hesitant to speak up. "A lot of our friends died when we were your age."
"Why did they die?"
She bit her lip. "It's a...very long story. You wouldn't believe it."
"I have time."
"Sit down, Liz."
I sat down besides her.
She told me the whole story. She told me these...camps. Camps they were sent when they were kids. She told me about these superpowered beings that were offspring of the gods, of the Greek and Roman gods. That she, Jason, her friends, and Leo, were demigods, and each of them had special powers. And there were more, so much more, in America and abroad, and it wasn't just the Greek and Roman. They were sent to this camps to safety, and so they could train for the monsters that would come for them eventually.
Piper McLean was the daughter of Tristan McLean and Aphrodite. She was born with a Cherokee ancestry, and lived in California with her father, who was a Hollywood star. She was dyslexic and had ADHD. She was enrolled to numerous state schools, because she was privileged. But in every school, she caused trouble, one way or another. Then she was transferred to Wilderness School, then and there starting her journey and discovery as a demigod.
She told me how Leo and Piper and met. She told me their story until the point Piper died. They grew close at the late course of their quest. Her death affected Leo greatly, more than anyone else, more than her boyfriend. He puts the blame on her death and had not stopped thinking about her.
Four of Hazel's friends died. Hazel's boyfriend, Frank Zhang, and Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase. And then Piper McLean. And far away, more of their friends were killed, in a war that they couldn't stop.
It was just Hazel, Jason, and Leo in the end.
"Leo's Alzheimer's...isn't natural," she said. "Then again, all diseases aren't natural."
"What do you mean?"
"Leo is the most intelligent human being I have ever met. You should see his inventions, creations, when he was young. Maybe not the cleverest, but still." She laughed. Then her smile dropped and she looked solemn. "During our quest, Leo developed a disease that we couldn't pin out what. It was mysterious, and affected his health, his heart."
She smoothed her skirt. "He loved Piper. And maybe she loved him back. I don't know what kind of relationship they had with each other. It was mystery to all of us, even to me, even to Piper's boyfriend. We never saw them talk or hang out with each other, but they were close, more or less. When she died, he wanted to forget her, but she haunted his mind. It almost drove him insane. Maybe something was driving him to insanity; a powerful invisible force, a ghost or a monster, I didn't know, and it wasn't all his work.
"He spent his time by himself, studying, reading everything he could get his hands on, from politics to philosophy, to romance novels." I couldn't help but smile at that. "He build prototypes, brought them to Olympus, showcased them. I didn't know what went through his mind. He was a good actor, Leo I mean. He ate and sleep, laughed and cried with us, but he was distant.
"'Insanity is simply a mental health problem, among a thousand more,' he said, in one of our last proper conversations I had with him. 'But I don't want to go there. I don't want to end up in a mental institution,' he laughed. 'I'd rather forget everything, rather than remember everything, and carry them on my shoulders my whole life.'
"A few days later, he was starting to forget the names of his friends, the countries he had traveled with us, the places where he grew up, and even his own mother's name. It was then, we realized too late, he was burning his own brain cells."
Miss Levesque's coffee was already cold. I didn't realize that my hands were on my mouth, and there were tears running down my cheeks.
I...I don't know what to say. Are you saying he...he inflicted his disease on himself?
I don't know if it's intended. We never knew. But it was clear to me that I really didn't know who Leo Valdez is, before he tried to wipe his mind clean in attempt to forget Piper McLean. The one I had met was someone who was lost in his mind, trying to find a place here in the world.
Something clearly was haunting him. Or was it pure coincidence that, even though he had successfully erased most of his memories, I would meet him, looking exactly like the girl who died many, many years ago, taking care of him when his friends were not around, who triggered his mind into remembering everything again, who started to ghost his dreams?
I asked Ms. Levesque, "Who am I?" And I almost wanted to say, "What am I doing to Leo?"
"I can't be sure, Liz." Ms. Levesque smiled. "You are your own self, that I am quite sure. To Leo Valdez, though, you are Piper McLean to his mind, Liz Booker to his lips and eyes. When you die, you have a choice of being reincarnated or go to Elysium. She may have reincarnated, and here you are.
"We're trying to figure out what was it that disturbed him all these years." She handed back to me the photo album. "Can you do us a favor and...stick with him for now? Entertain him. Until we could smooth all the things we couldn't understand. I'm sorry, Liz, that you have to know all of this. I know it's hard to believe, and it's okay if you don't believe it. But it's the truth."
And what about you and Leo Valdez?
I couldn't look at him the same way, but I still went up to his apartment everyday, to check up on him, talk to him a bit. I didn't see him much, and not because I didn't want to see him or talk to him, but because college was keeping me back, and all the part-time jobs I had to juggle to and fro.
I was a vital part of his everyday life. It was normal, it went like this, until the last two months I was with him.
Can you tell me what happened in the last two months you were together?
Leo was better. I know, it's hard to believe an Alzheimer patient is actually getting better. But he was. He could read again, talked to me and started asking me about my school and all the jobs I took. He talked in simple ways, but he completed sentences. Sometimes he started all our small conversations. No one would believe me, but I think he was healing himself. But I couldn't get used to him...getting better. A part of me was afraid that if he continued to get better, I would know the real Leo Valdez. And for some reason, I was not ready to meet him.
I went up to his room one evening to say goodnight to him, because I didn't see him that morning. When I entered his room he was drawing something on a piece of bond paper, seated on a chair and elbows on the table. He looked up from his work and waved at me.
"Hey there, Picasso," I greeted, moving to his side. "What do you have there?"
He took his drawing from the table and showed it to me. It was crayon drawing of a giant yellow ship floating in the night sky.
"I dreamed about this last night," he said, grinning to me. "I don't want to forget it."
"Maybe if you sleep you'll dream of your ship again." I tousled his curly hair. "I'm going to bed now. I have a lot of things to do when I wake up. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
His grin quickly disappeared, and he suddenly looked panicked. He grabbed my arm. "No, please, don't leave me yet. I'm scared."
I took his hand and held it tightly. "Why are you scared? What's scaring you?"
"Someone's following me, watching me." His voice shook, and his eyes were wide. "When you're not here, someone keeps knocking on my door, everyday and when I open the door, they say things I can't understand."
"Maybe it's just your friends. Remember Hazel and Jason?"
"It's not them, it's not them." He shook his head frantically. "You can't see what I see, Liz. But they look at me like they want to hurt me." He released my hand and held his head. "Or maybe they're not really going to hurt me. I think I'm going crazy."
I was ready to reassure him, to tell him that it would be okay, but I remembered the secret he told me months ago, and then the whole truth Ms. Levesque revealed to me. When I pieced all of these things together, I started shaking a bit. I don't know what's more scary, Mr. Jackson; to see the monsters around you, aware of their presence, or aware of the monsters around you, but you can't see them. I was protective of Leo, but I was powerless.
I put Leo to bed, telling him that everything would be okay. I stayed at his side, and he told me more of his dreams, until he drifted off to sleep.
All the day's work had weighed down on me, and I swore that I was the most exhausted woman in the world. I didn't know who this monster that Leo told me. Maybe they never existed, and it was all in his imagination. What Hazel had told me never fully sunk in my mind until that time, and while Leo's case was plausible, I was prepared not to believe in most of them, but now I was. And I was not ready to see the monster that haunted Leo everyday, not at that hour. I locked the door of Leo's apartment, draped a blanket on him, and slept by the table, taking a chair and a pillow with me. I prayed that he would remember me when he woke up, because I didn't want to be kicked out of his apartment.
Did you take action?
In the morning, I brought Leo down with me for breakfast. We ate in the kitchen, When all the tenants had left the lounge to go to work or back to their apartments, I told the landlady that someone had been going up to the top floor of the apartment complex, disturbing Leo. She was determined to find out who, and we asked Leo what they looked like, and if they were living here. He wasn't exactly helpful, because his memory of the person was blurry, but he promised us that if he remembered, he would tell us.
When I told Ms. Levesque about this, she and Mr. Grace visited more often in a week, checking up on him, still watching from afar, but sometimes interacting with him, if necessary. They made time for him, and wanted to look out for him. They couldn't ask him about what he saw, and they couldn't tell him that he should fight back if they came back for him again.
When I was with Leo, sometimes he was scared, and sometimes he was protective of me. He glared at the tenants of the complex during breakfast, sometimes gripping my wrist tightly. He was looking at too many people, it was hard to know which tenant was the one who visited Leo everyday to threaten him.
We tried to do everything we can, but we couldn't do much, because we had to be discreet.
But what happened next couldn't be stopped.
What happened?
I left Leo's side for two separate occasions.
But that couldn't be helped. I had a life outside my duty of taking care of Leo. I had college, I had jobs to maintain. I have a family, and a baby brother coming soon, and I don't want to be a burden to my mother and father. I was eighteen, legally an adult. I have my interests, and I want to take a break sometimes, you know? I'm only human. My world does not revolve around Leo.
But of all the days were something had to happen, it was in the days I was not with him.
Leo attacked someone. I was at work, really late at night, so I couldn't see Leo in the evening. When I came home, one of our neighbors walked up to me with a bleeding nose and told me angrily what Leo had done to him. During dinner, Leo pounced on him across the table without warning, and everyone else had to pull him away from the man. He struggled like a dog with rabbies, the landlady said.
The tenant said he would call an institution and take Leo away from this place. "He has no place here. Either we take him to the hospital, or sedate him forever." I wanted to punch the guy.
I went up to Leo's room and saw Ms. Levesque and Mr. Grace with him. He was sitting on a chair, looking down at his hands. Ms. Levesque's hands were on his shoulders, and Mr. Grace was facing him, with hands on his hips.
"I thought it's him, I thought it's him," Leo murmured under his breath. His hands shook lightly, afraid. His eyes darted to me when I came inside, and he looked like he wanted to jump and hug me. But he sat there.
We waited for him to be calm, so we could get the story from his point of view. But Mr. Grace told him to go to bed and rest, and said we'll just talk to him tomorrow.
The next day Leo forgot everything that happened.
The second incident?
During class, I received a phone call. My phone was on silent but I quickly excused myself from the classroom and went out.
It was the landlady, crying. She was calling because Leo was being hospitalized. He fell down the stairs from the top floor to the third floor. His head was bleeding, and there was a pool of blood when they found him.
I don't remember much what happened after that. I rushed to the hospital were Leo was being confined. I was crying, and I met Mr. Grace and Ms. Levesque near the operation room. Ms. Levesque was sitting down, her head was buried in her hands. Mr. Grace kept pounding his fist on the wall, looking like he wanted to scream, do more damage.
He saw me, and grabbed my shoulders, his tall figure looming on me. Mr. Grace, who distanced himself away from me, who never really talked to me, started to cry and placed his head on my shoulder. Ms. Levesque stood up and pulled him away from me. He wiped his tears away, gritting his teeth. He wouldn't look at me. Then he spoke. "We found him. We found the fucking bastard who started all of this."