Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The endless white void expands before you, and you're pretty sure this is what heaven is like. A humanoid figure comes forth, and you wonder if it is an angel, come to judge you for your sins. Something shifts, and you can see a face...

The abyss stares back at you.

"Russell! Get up!"
A sharp knock sounds on a wooden bedroom door, and ten year old Russell Seager crawls out of bed. The sky is brightly overcast.

Rap rap rap!

"I'm coming," he says, and waits a moment as the footsteps fade away down the stairs. He quickly changes his clothes- white collared shirt, red sweater vest, black pants, white socks, brown loafers- and goes downstairs where his caretaker, Russell "Call Me Informant" Seager is cheerfully preparing breakfast.

He flips a pancake- liberally filled with chocolate chips- onto a plate already stacked with several more cakes and whistles a merry tune. Russell- that is, the one not cooking- takes his usual seat and one of the many rabbit helpers around the house uses its ears to grab the plate and take it to him.

"Thanks for the food," he says, already cutting into the stack. "Informant" pauses in his whistling.

"You're welcome, squirt."

He resumes whistling, and Russell begins eating.

This...is paradise.

Chapter Text

Idly Russell kicks at a stray ball that'd rolled into his path. It bounces down along the brown brick pathway and he smiles, satisfied.

He pauses at the entrance to the Dozing Forest and waves to the trees. They blink, but that's fine. It's not as if Russell was really expecting much else.

Briefly, he considers entering, but in his peripheral he sees a rabbit in a construction worker's uniform. It is holding a sign with an arrow on it.

A warning.

With a shrug and a lazy grin, Russell continues on the path and wonders.

What kind of fun will he have today?

Chapter Text

"Once upon a time, there was a...a baby wolf."

Russell was seated comfortably in his lap, a stuffed rabbit held in his arms.

"He wasn’t very strong, or any good at hunting. Because he was weak, the Alpha and his mate would often beat him. He hated it, but it was better than trying to survive by himself. So he stayed."

This was a story Russell had told many times, and one that he'd heard from himself just as many times.

"One day, the baby wolf grew up and killed all the members of his pack, as punishment for all the pain they'd caused him. And then, he left."

Russell wasn’t the best story teller, but he was trying, and that was enough.

"One day, the wolf met a bunny. It was small and fragile, even for a bunny. It was completely helpless, and would’ve been an easy kill. But the bunny looked at the wolf who could've easily killed him, and the wolf saw only innocence and wonder in its eyes."

Russell leaned back, and Russell absently carded his fingers through his hair.

"So, the wolf decided to take the bunny and raise him to become stronger."

The child stroked the plush bunny in his arms and smiled.

Chapter Text

Mr. McNeil, Russell thinks, is...odd.

He's kind of a big guy, and that alone is enough to make him look intimidating. But he loves animals and chocolate and cuddles, and he has really bad allergies.

"ACHOO!"

He sniffles and turns to Russell. The other Russell discretely nudges the rabbit away.

"Dorry guys...don't," Tabasa sniffles again, "don't d'op for me..."

He sounds...well, Russell isn't quite sure what it is in his voice, but he doesn’t sound happy, and Russell taught him that when someone’s unhappy, you comfort them, usually with something they like. But combined with the pollen in the air and the man's minor cold, the rabbit's shedding for the summer is part of the problem, and none of them have any chocolate on hand.

So, Russell does what any well meaning ten year old would do, and wraps his arms around Tabasa's waist as far as he can, hugging him tightly.

Tabasa grins and ruffles his hair affectionately.

"Aww. Whoever raided you sure did good."

He winks at the other Russell, unnoticed by the one around his waist, and gives him a softer, more secretive smile.

Chapter Text

The table is covered with brightly wrapped presents, and Russell cam smell the cake that Gardenia and the other Russell are baking in the kitchen.

He himself is seated in the living room, on the comfortable black leather sofa. There's a rabbit curled up in his lap, and a few more on either side of him. He's pretty sure Gardenia snapped a picture of this moment, but he'd had his nose buried in a book at the time, and only caught a brief flash that may or may not have existed, in that moment of time, from the corner of his eye.

"It's done!" He hears Gardenia cheer from the kitchen. Russell looks up from the rabbit he is petting and sees Russell enter the room carrying a large dinner plate, upon which rests a neatly frosted cake. Gardenia follows behind him with a lighter (even though they haven't put any candles on the cake, silly, silly girl) only to rush ahead of him at the last minute and clear off a space on the table for him to set the cake. He sets it down with a light clatter and sticks a single candle in the center of it. Russell doesn’t see where he pulls it from, since he isn’t wearing anything with pockets. And whatever number that candle is supposed to resemble, if any, it's certainly not in any language he can understand.

But that is unimportant. Time, they all know, is just a human construct that doesn’t really mean anything here.

Gardenia passes the lighter to Russell and he lights the candle, then he and Gardenia sing. It's a familiar tune, even if the words are distorted and different from the audible zalgo he remembers.

When he goes to sleep that night, it rings in his head, promising sweet dreams.

Chapter Text

It is nice, like this.

The four of them are knelt around the kotatsu in Kantera's clinic. Kantera himself is at his right and Saxon (a middle aged man Russell never really knew well) is to his left. Across from him is the other Russell.

The three of them talk amongst themselves over delicate cups full of Jasmine tea (or, what looks like Jasmine tea) and do not address Russell directly, but he is surprisingly alright with this.

The atmosphere is calm and quiet, punctuated by soft sips and equally soft conversation, and the sound of a large bipedal lizard mowing the lawn.

They make excellent gardeners.

Chapter Text

He sees her lying on the couch with dark handprints- that man's handprints- around her throat. She is pale and her eyes are bloodshot, and he wants to help her but he knows she's already dead and has been for a long time. So all he can do now is scream at the world, at his father, for his abuse, his mother, for her neglect, and himself, for simply existing because it was his mere presence that started all of this.

So he screams and he screams and he screams, until suddenly, there is light.

One of the rabbits pokes his side, and the Informant Russell rolls over to face it.

It's not a rabbit after all, but his younger self- the self he promised he'd protect. The other Russell raises a small hand and lightly runs it against Russell's cheek, catching all of the tears that'd fallen without his knowledge.

He pulls the child up into the bed with him and holds him close.

History would never repeat itself if he had anything to say about it.

Chapter Text

The black leather couch feels cool against Russell's bare calves, but only for a moment.

On either side of them, Gardenia and Tabasa are seated as well, and across from all of them is a large TV. And to the left and right sides of it are various game consoles, stacked and placed almost haphazardly.

Gardenia lets out an annoyed sound as her racer falls off a cliff and Tabasa seems determined to ignore her. In a moment, his character crosses the finish line and the race ends.

"Mou!" Gardenia exclaims. "I don't think I like this game very much!"

Russell takes it upon himself to diffuse things before they could possibly escalate.

"Let's try something else, then. Russell?"

Russell nods to his other self and goes to the cabinet housing a variety of games as Mario Kart is ejected from the Wii. He pulls out a copy of Mario Party 8 and slides the disc into the system. As an afterthought, he also grabs two more wiimotes and passes one to the other Russell as the game starts up.

It's nice, he thinks, to be able to relax like this.

Chapter Text

Tabasa wakes up to a light weight abruptly landing on his chest. He opens his eyes and sees his faithful deliver-inu standing over him. He sits up, gently pushing the large beast's snout away from his face, and looks down at the simple pink box that lands in his lap. Carefully, he unties the green ribbon holding it shut and smiles as he sees the box's contents.

Gardenia wakes up at the crack of dawn, bright and early so she can have her restaurant clean and ready for everyone else when they wake up. It's unusual for anyone to wake up before her, but she sees a small, neatly wrapped box on the counter that she knows for sure she didn’t put there. The question of who snuck it there flies out of her mind as she opens the box, and her face lights up like a brightly colored candle.

Dogma and Cody are just settling down for a picnic breakfast (just as a change of pace, really) when they find two boxes sitting casually beneath their usual picnic tree. They look nearly identical, save that one is clearly addressed to Cody and the other to Dogma. Though Dogma is suspicious, Cody opens hers before he can offer a word of caution (not that she'd listen, anyway), and after squealing in an excited and unladylike manner, she prompts him to open his box as well. He's more excited than he'd openly admit at what he finds inside, but he also can't help but wonder how in the world those boxes ended up there.

When Kantera returns from his morning walk, Deliveryuu is waiting for him, as he usually is at this time, with the day's mail held safely in his paws. Claws? The dragon equivalent of hands. Yes. Wordlessly, he hands the pink box at the top of the stack to the doctor, and Kantera almost catches the secretive smile on his friend's face. Even so, he opens the box, and with a pleased hum, decides to prepare his tea a little earlier than normal.

Like a good maid, Mireille cleans Saxon's home thoroughly every morning and only gets the post right before preparing breakfast, so her beloved master can dine while reading the paper. She doesn’t give the boxes a second thought until Saxon catches sight of them during breakfast and, after realizing that they'd each received one, hands her the box addressed to her. She opens it slowly, carefully, and blushes a rosy pink.

Yumi finds the box just sitting there on her doorstep- not even in her mailbox like it should be. It's mighty suspicious, but regardless, the box is addressed to her, and it did reach its destination. So before anything else, Yumi sets the box on her desk and opens it, her expression befuddled at its contents. She idly chews her lip and debates whether or not she should try one, but then her eyes catch sight of the clock, and she decides she'll try one when she gets back from her patrol.

Curled up on the couch, tucked safely into his other self's side, Russell looks up into blue eyes identical to his own.

"Do you think they liked their Valentine's chocolates?" He asks.

His other self affectionately ruffles his hair.

"Of course they did."

Russell smiles and reaches into the pocket of his pants. The other Russell watches him curiously.

"I...umm...I made some for you, too," he explains, all but pushing the box into his other self's hands. The other Russell's smile softens, and he gives him a quick kiss on his forehead.

"Happy Valentine's Day, mini-me."

Chapter Text

Russell and Russell sit politely on their knees. Kantera is playing the shamisen, as he'd been when they'd first entered, and he doesn’t seem inclined to stop soon.

Deliveryuu is accompanying him with a harp, equally relaxed. Neither of them look ready to stop, but that's fine.

The sound is calming, moving like the tide, come to wash all their worries away. 

Russell could listen to it for hours and not even notice the time passing. 

Chapter Text

The dream shatters with a sound akin to that of breaking glass, but distorted and interwoven with the sounds of static and blood-curdling shrieks.

This, the Informant realizes as he clutches the manifestation of Russell's innocence tightly, is the death of Russell's mind and body.

There is only the two of them left now: the Informant- no, Russell now- who represented that boy's deepest desires, and the baby Russell- the true Russell- representative of that boy's innocence before it became corrupted. A physical manifestation of that boy's true self in his very last moments, before that man and that woman utterly ruined him.

...It is dark. And then, suddenly, it isn't.

The void around them lightens to grey, and Russell can make out a white blob. As the void lightens further still, gradually fading to white, Russell can vaguely see it's a rabbit.

He remembers Snowball, and swears he can see glowing wings on the strange rabbit's back.

Then, abruptly, it is dark once more.

Chapter Text

You are a rabbit. A white rabbit. A fluffy rabbit.

You don't really have a name, since animals never use names with each other regardless of their relationship, but that boy you found calls you Snowball. You allow this, because you've seen humans interact and know the value of naming things to them.

That boy- the one the humans call Russell- is small by human standards, and shouldn't be able to care for himself yet, since he is still living with his parents. However, even though they share a burrow, his mother neglects him and his father treats him aggressively- more so than could ever be necessary. This, you think, is why you dislike humans. Except for Russell. You like Russell. He treats you well, and besides that, he only smells happy when you're near. You are important to him, and it's always good when a human values an animal as something important. 

Even though the adult humans don't seem to like you very much, if at all, you decide to stay, if only to make that boy happy. You suppose it could be called pity, but it's not as if you're going out of your way. You have no children and no mate. No real reason to stay out and risk being hunted.

This way, Russell is happy and you're kept safe. It's a mutually beneficial relationship.

Chapter Text

There is red, and pain. You remember going to see Russell, and then a loud screech that forced you to cower and fold your ears.

Then red.

You see everything now- your bloody corpse, and Russell's grieving face. You easily piece together that you are now dead.

It seems all you can do now is wait.

So you do.

You wait and watch over the boy- watch as he grows even quieter and reclusive. You watch as he kills, and you know why he does, even though you don't know how you know.

You watch him enter the white research building, and you watch him inject himself with an orange fluid. You're not sure what happens then- he falls asleep and then wakes up and repeats the process, but each time he wakes, there's something different about his expression.

After a week of this, something shifts, and Russell vanishes from your sight. You are instead surrounded by white.

And then suddenly, you see them.

The boy who looks almost but not quite like him, clutching close to himself a swaddled baby whom you know almost instinctively to be Russell.

It's almost like there are two of him.

Russell is happy there, with the boy who looks like him. You wonder, if you could create more of yourself too, if that would make him happier.

You close your eyes and lose your sense of awareness. Even behind your eyelids, the light is almost overwhelming.

Then, everything fades, and before you're even aware of it, you lose consciousness.

Chapter Text

The recital hall is crowded, though Russell- both Russells- know it is mostly an illusion. Russell, Tabasa, Gardenia, Kantera, Mireille, Saxon, Cody, and Dogma are seated in the front row. All around them are faceless figures dressed in clothes that look like recolored versions of what his friends are wearing, and that may or may not actually exist.

From his place behind the curtain, Russell takes a deep breath and looks behind himself. The instructor is there with the rest of the class, all of them featureless, wearing matching black suits with bright green ties. Russell, in his white suit and blue tie, stands out like a sore thumb.

The faceless instructor passes beside him and goes onstage. Even though he knows she must be speaking, he can't hear a word of it.

Abruptly, there is applause.

Russell takes another deep breath and prepares himself as the curtains rise. He is already in place, front and center, and he knows his classmates are in their respective positions too, even if he doesn’t remember hearing them move.

The music begins to play as the audience falls silent. It's a jazz piece, though Russell would be hard pressed to remember the name of it, let alone the composer.

Everything fades from his mind.

There is only the music and the distant awareness of his body as he glides and twists and twirls and taps across the stage. He isn’t even aware of his classmates- for all he knows, they've disappeared altogether.

The song plays, and it's as if no time's passed at all. Before he knows it, he's offstage, in the pit, surrounded by praise and warmth from his friends- his family. Russell pats his head affectionately and then holds out a bouquet of flowers.

Apple blossoms, arbutus, azaleas, baby's breath, a bird of paradise, white camellias, cinquefoil, coronillas, forget me nots, and closed gentians.

Russell doesn’t understand yet what those flowers mean, but he is sure he will, one day.

Chapter Text

The first time Russell gets sick, his older self panics. 

Even in this afterlife, sickness is unavoidable, but, due to everyone technically being dead already, such a thing couldn't possibly kill the infant Russell. 

But...

It's just...

He's still so small, and he never cries for anything- and that's not even an exaggeration- so even though he knows better, Russell thinks that if Russell were to somehow die again, he'd never know until after the fact. 

And that thought fills him with an irrational dread. 

So, Russell stuffs a diaper bag full with bottles and diapers and baby wipes and other necessities, all helpfully passed to him by the rabbits and quite possibly literally endless in supply, and slings it over his shoulder, then takes the infant Russell, bundled up in layers upon layers upon layers of blankets, into his arms. 

Then, he runs towards Kantera-sensei's clinic, so fast one would think the hounds of Hell are nipping at his heels. 

Kantera-sensei assures him that Russell is fine if a bit feverish, and just needs to sleep it off, then gives Russell a packet of ground herbs he can give to his baby self just to be safe. 

Russell breaks out of the fever and is perfectly happy and healthy before dinner time. 

Chapter Text

The waves crash loudly against the sand, even in the perpetual calm of Seaside, and for the umpteenth time, Russell cringes against his older self. Even though they'd lived (un-lived? After-lived?) there for three years now, Russell just doesn't seem to be much of a beach person. 

Of course, this begs the question of why the Happy Dream even had a beach in that case, but Russell decides that is a question for another day. 

The two of them are seated on a giant blue beach towel- Russell makes a note to wash it out as soon as they get home- across from a group of stalls manned by some things that vaguely resemble sea otters, and that seem quite happy to spoil either of them whenever they come to any of the stalls. 

Beside them, there's a large pile of assorted wooden and straw trinkets, clothes, blankets, and even food- Russell makes another note to give some away to Gardenia and Cody, and maybe Mireille. 

He feels a small weight press deeper against him and smiles as he sees Russell's sleeping face. 

The rabbits have appeared out of nowhere without him even needing to say anything, as per usual, and begin taking the accumulation of items, probably back to Russells' house. 

Russell wraps his arms around his three year old self and stands up. Deciding he isn't really needed here- for now, at least- he tucks Russell against his chest with one hand and uses the other to sling the towel over the crook of his arm. Satisfied, he follows the rabbits back home. 

This was a good day out. 

Chapter Text

It's Halloween. 

Kantera, Tabasa, Russell, and Yumi are out with Russell and Gardenia gathering candy. 

There are extra houses besides the ones from the Happy Dream, but these are transparent even despite their solidity, existing for just this night. Their occupants are equally fleeting and faceless. 

Russell is dressed in his normal black and red attire, though he'd decided to bring along an old and broken beer bottle to add to the mood. Beside him, the younger Russell is dressed up in a black and white cat onesie with a red collar, and Kantera, dressed as a dragon, is behind him playing with the ears on the hood. Gardenia is on the younger Russell's other side dressed in a prince costume- might seem a bit strange for a girl, but she pulls it off well- and Tabasa is behind her dressed up as a werewolf. Yumi is leading all of them in a modest cowgirl costume (or perhaps it's her uniform- there really isn't much difference). 

All of them are holding plastic buckets full of candy, and trailing behind them are a few rabbits (and Delivryuu and Deliverinu) carrying a few bags each that are especially stuffed. 

The group stops in front of Russells' house and Kantera stops petting the ears on Russell's hood. 

"Good night, Russell. Thank you kindly for allowing us to accompany you two." 

"Yeah," Tabasa agrees, "It was fun. Let's do this again next year." 

Gardenia lifts her arms excitedly. "Yeah! And we'll invite Saxon and Mireille, too! I bet they'll love it!" 

Russell and Russell break off from the group and Yumi tips her hat. 

"You be careful now, y'hear? Don't eat too much candy, an' don't give each other a hard time." 

Russell the elder nods and puts a hand on his young charge's shoulder.

"Of course. Good night, all of you." 

Both Russells wave farewell and disappear into their house, the rabbits following them. 

Once the front door closes, Russell lets out a relieved sigh. Halloween was so socially draining...

But at least the candy's good. 

Chapter Text

Russell walks downstairs carrying his four year old self, not really expecting much. It's Christmas, but he's forgotten- if he ever knew- how to celebrate it, and it's not as if he can ask for help, either, since most of the others are adults with no one to celebrate with. 

So he walks downstairs, intent on preparing breakfast for the day, thinking that maybe he and Russell could play in the snow together. And then, he stops. 

There is a Christmas tree in the corner of the living room, decorated with tinsel and Christmas lights and candy canes- it looks like something out of a storybook, and the wrapped presents piled underneath it and stuck between the branches add to that effect. 

His curiosity gets the better of him and he forgoes breakfast in favor of investigating the presents. They're marked as being for him and Russell, but there's no sender, and Russell thinks he can be forgiven for being suspicious of that.

He sets Russell down and the boy immediately sits down beside the tree, curiously poking a parcel with his small finger. It has his name on it. 

"Do you wanna open it?" Russell asks him. 

He nods and waits for Russell's approving nod before gently, carefully unwrapping his present. 

It's a picture book of some kind- the older Russell can't make out the title from here, but Russell the younger seems pleased with it. 

So he grabs another present, this one addressed to him, and opens it (it's a D&D handbook) and Russell does the same and the process repeats until all the presents have been unwrapped and carefully set aside. 

Breakfast becomes a late brunch, but neither of them mind. 

Chapter Text

Somehow, even after being here for so long, Russell is still surprised- though nowadays, it's more from how normal things can be. 

Like they are now, for instance. 

There's a roaring storm outside, and it makes both Russell and Russell anxious, even though they're both safely bundled up in their house, under a small pile of white fluffy rabbits for good measure. 

Russell didn't want to risk a power-outage in the middle of a game, so the TV is turned off. Instead, he and Russell are playing on handheld consoles, so when the power does predictably cut out, neither of them notice until it's time for dinner. 

By this point, the storm has lightened- the thunder is gone, leaving only a light trickle of rain. And Russell and Russell accidentally skipped lunch.

So when Russell goes to prepare dinner, the food in the fridge is spoiled. 

With a sigh, he turns back to Russell. 

"Looks like Gardenia's hosting company tonight. Grab your coat, Russell." 

With a nod, Russell closes his game, setting it into sleep mode, and goes to grab his raincoat off the hook by the front door. 

Gardenia always has plenty of food to spare.

Chapter Text

The afterlife has wi-fi. 

Russell finds out after he puts baby Russell down for a nap then switches on the TV to play Dungeon Of Wisdom. Except when he goes to play it, a notification pops up on the screen. 

There is a new update available! Please update to Dungeon Of Wisdom Ver. 1.9.9.

-OK              LATER 

"...What the...." Russell mutters to himself. Then he shrugs. 

One of the rabbits plops down beside him. Its left ear is bent. 

Deciding this may as well happen, Russell presses the A button, and a download-progress window replaces the notification. 

It only takes a few seconds, so either the update itself is small, or the wi-fi connection in the afterlife is really good. 

The game starts automatically, and Russell immediately notices the different title screen graphics. The music sounds clearer, too- stereo sound instead of mono. 

So, not a small update, then. 

As he presses START, another thought occurs to him. 

If there's wi-fi, there's gotta be internet, and that means he'll need to monitor his other self's internet activity very closely in the coming years. 

Like, maybe, when he enters middle school.