Chapter Text
Jane Hopper was either philanthropical or completely unforgiving. Or that's how Max saw it as, anyway.
The boys almost always mentioned her in most of their conversations, be it a retelling of past events or just something humorous or impressive Jane had done and yet she still didn't know the other girl very well because hearing it from others was one thing and being there when it all happened was another. Much like how she never really knew if her hair was a mess, even when someone described it for her until and unless she saw it for herself.
She knew where and how Jane had grown up and why her name was a number for crying out loud. She knew the girl had a buzz cut when she had first met the boys and Mike had hid her in his basement. She knew what the other girl was exactly capable of and the asshole, Brenner. She knew Eleven only let the people she was close to call her El and she had also come to know that she was not one of those people. (For her, it was Jane.)
She knew all this and so much more, but it somehow amounted to nothing because Jane hadn't spared her a second glance and the first glance hadn't even been a glance because she also knew a glare when she saw one.
She reckoned Mike was the one who knew Eleven the most. He had never said so and neither had Eleven, but Max noticed how they both most of the time didn't need words to communicate, their eyes did the talking, how Mike's smile was contagious for Jane and vice versa. It wasn't the same with the other party members, but that wasn't a bad thing because Mike was sort of like El's best friend, she could tell. Maybe he was something even more, that she couldn't really figure out, but Dustin always found ways to cheer El up and Lucas was always acting like a protective big brother and Will, soft sweet Will, shared the same love for silence that El had. She had seen them basking in it, just appreciating the peace and the absence of noise. They all had their own soft spots in the curly haired girl's heart, well everyone except her, she reckoned.
After meeting Jane or more like trying to meet Jane, she had tried to befriend the brunette time and time again, against her better judgement because almost a year had gone by and she was still waiting for something to 'click' between the two of them, for better or for worse; she didn't even know, she would take either by that point. However, she wasn't really the one to be blamed because her judgement and rationality somehow always tended to get hazy when it came to Jane. She wasn't really sure what she had ever done to make the brunette hate her so much, but after a while she sort of let it go and let things be. What else could be done? Maybe she was just one of those people to Jane that the girl couldn't help, but dislike for no reason whatsoever. The thought was depressing, but she had racked her brain for other possible reasons and come up with none.
After giving her a glare and a very cold shoulder, Jane had never again acknowledged her presence at all. She wished she could do the same, look through the brunette as though she was glass; transparent and blank.
And it wasn't that she was a coward or afraid of what Jane would do or say if she tried harder. It was just that she wasn't a fan of humiliation or embarrassment and those were the two things the other girl made her feel a lot (aside from nervousness that shouldn't last so frigging long and adoration she hadn't ever felt for a person before).
She had days where even the thought of brunette was enough to get her blood boiling and sometimes it was comforting to just drown herself in that abyss of dislike, it gave her a twisted sense of power over her own emotions because she could look Jane in the eyes those days without her throat going dry and then, there were the other days Jane was the reason she slept a little later than usual and ran late to school the next day.
She loved everything that had to do with Eleven because goddammit, it was Eleven, but she hated it too because of how much it all mattered to her while she didn't even amount to a speck of dust to the other girl.
It was unfair and that made her madder.
She had tried to kill the feelings that spurred within her chest and stomach; all over whenever she saw the other girl with her soft tuft of curly brown hair and the way her eyes shined considerably brighter when she was happy and how they softened when she was with the boys or Hopper or Joyce or just anyone that she cared for really, her pale skin that hadn't seen a lot of sun, her dimples.. her smile.
Goddamn her smile because Max found it so uplifting and refreshing and rare. Not a lot of people had smiles like that; the one's that author's wrote about in books, the ones that could literally light up rooms, but Jane did. Of course, she did. Jane wasn't other people.
And goddarn the girl because she was falling and sinking deeper everyday. She was in love (had been since that first time she saw the brunette) with someone who didn't want to do anything with her, someone who had quite obviously hated her since first sight, someone who broke her heart a little more every day, someone who ignored her so brazenly she sometimes started doubting her own existence and because of that all, Eleven being a girl was the least of her worries.
Why worry when nothing was ever going to happen, right? At least that was a burden she didn't need to carry.
She had never offered her heart up for the slashing, ever, but Eleven had somehow stolen it and split it in half before she could even realise what the unusual adoration she felt for the other girl even meant.
It was just so frigging unfair.
The 'butterflies in the stomach', the 'jittering electricity', the 'it takes my breath away', the 'I don't see anyone else, but you' was real, but the 'it would never happen' was somehow more real.
And it was just her luck, she was a victim to the painful kind of love.
It sucked and she was screwed, but then what did not and when was she not?
...
"Watch the attitude, shitbird!" Billy shouted, a cigarette dangling from his mouth and his eyes familiarly hard.
She flipped him off as soon as she was out of the car.
Good for nothing asshole.
Her gaze flitted over the parking lot, seeing Will getting out of Jonathan's car which made her slightly less annoyed the world as she opted to wait by the Arcade's entrance. He noticed her a moment later as Billy's car sped away and his face broke into a smile as he walked over.
"Hey, Max," he murmured as he got within her earshot.
"Hi. You ready to lose another high score?" she smirked, wiggling her eyebrows.
"You have all the high scores, Max," he sighed out, giving her a very unamused look before stopping beside her and looking off into the small lot.
"Guess I'll just set the bars higher then," she chuckled with a sigh of relief when three familiar bicycles turned around the corner.
"Mind being a little less slow?!" she yelled when Dustin hopped off his bike, waiting for the other two boys to finish talking.
Mike rolled his eyes, pointedly at her, before hopping off as Dustin waved at her and Will. Lucas, however, grinned devilishly and started walking even more slowly.
She threw her hands up in the air, somehow not even finding his antics surprising.
"I'm going in," she muttered, giving Will a nudge before entering the Arcade.
Warm air hit her as soon as she burst in through the doors, making her sigh in relief. She didn't think she would ever get used to the cold air of Hawkins and she didn't want to, either. Getting used to it would mean not finding it whipping through her waves nice and she wasn't really in the mood to look for something different and new.
The Arcade wasn't exactly bustling, most likely because it was a weekday. She preferred it that way. They wouldn't have to wait for the machines to be free.
"All right, so, what's your count?" Mike asked, coming to a stop beside and getting straight to business as always.
She fished said coins out of her pocket, dropping them into his waiting palm, "6 quarters."
"A total of–" he paused, counting off on his fingers before summing up– "20 quarters, sweet."
A gust of cold air hit her as the Arcade doors behind them opened and she looked behind herself annoyedly at the newcomer only to gape as she saw someone who had the ability to either make her day or ruin it thoroughly.
Jane.
"This isn't a coincidence, is it?" she asked Dustin who was standing beside her.
"Nah. You think Hopper would let her roam around like that?" he shot back back rhetorically.
She turned her gaze back to the girl who had noticed them all and was making her way towards them.
"You should get a radio, Max," Lucas suggested from beside Dustin.
"I should," she mumbled with a shuffle, wishing she already had one. At least then she would have had enough time to prepare herself to spend a day within the other girls vicinity without acting like a complete wastoid.
She was still busy gazing at the object of her affections as said girl bounded over to Mike, first of all, and hugged him and then Will who stood beside Mike and then Lucas followed by Dustin.
Her eyes widened when Jane's arms, out of habit, almost went around her too before the girl paused and jerked back.
She scratched the back of her head, glancing down at her shoes before looking back up and offering the girl a polite smile that she couldn't keep up for longer than a few seconds.
Eleven eyes met hers for the smallest of seconds, barely before the brunette looked away and went to stand besides Mike and Will.
Nothing new, but it would never get old.
"Come on, Dig Dug's free!" Dustin suddenly announced before sprinting towards the machine.
"She'll come around." Lucas draped an arm over her shoulder, giving it a rub as they all walked to the machines.
She cleared her throat with a nod. "Yeah."
But neither of them knew when.
...
She didn't know Eleven hadn't been to the Arcade before, mostly because she tended to keep her distance. The amount of time she had spent around the other could be counted off on on hand and yet, the way the other girl looked around nervously every two minutes gave it away.
She stepped away from the machine as Mike took his turn at Pacman, looking around for the others.
Dustin and Lucas were easy to spot, boisterously playing Dragon's Lair's. With the way the two were bickering back and forth, she could tell they trying to beat each other's scores.
She smirked at that. Lucas had lost his score a while after she had moved to Hawkins and things had calmed down and Princess Daphne was hers, she was going to make sure it stayed that way. She tore her eyes away from the two boy and instead searched for the only other girl in the party, noticing her standing by Dig Dug, staring at the blank screen with a quarter in her hand.
She knew she shouldn't, but as she looked at Jane again who still stood biting her lip and frowning at the black screen of the machine as she tucked in a short strand of curly hair behind her ear, how could she not?
"Uh, here." She mumbled, coming to stand beside girl before she put in a quarter.
The game beeped to life as the screen lit up and Jane's eyes widened considerably, rapidly scanning all the bright colours.
She paused, not being able to look away from the brunette. Her face was bathed in colours emitting from the screen, a mix of green blue and red hues making her stand apart. She didn't know if Jane knew just how beautiful she was and her heart thrummed with the desire to tell the other girl that. She couldn't help, but swoon over the innocence dripping from Jane's eyes, wide and so full of fascination, all over nothing, but a mere videogame.
If only Jane would stop hating her.. The thought sobered her out of the stupor she'd fallen in, making her clear her throat to gain the brunettes attention.
The girl glanced at her at the sound with her eyebrows scrunched up. She would've found that so dainty had the girl's eyes not felt like laser beams on her skin, burning. With a clearing of throat, she pointed to the controls before voicing the words. "Do you know the controls?"
Jane glanced at her, but didn't answer and so she continued, anyway.
"Okay, well. This is the joystick. You uh move your... character with it. And this button–" she started, but he brunette was already pushing her away as she took ahold of the stick, pressing the red colored button beside the machine to start the game.
"Right." She murmured, backing away to give the girl some space and doing her best to ignore the discomfort building up in her stomach.
What in the world had she done to this girl?
She clenched her jaw, stopping that thought before it could grow roots into her mind, before she could zone out uselessly again, thinking over something that didn't matter; she had already wasted entirely too much time pondering over the wonder that the other girl was.
For a beginner, Jane wasn't a bad player at all, definitely better than her when she had first started playing. The girl was pretty good at avoiding the traps and the small monsters and she felt a nervous excitement rush through her when she saw two monsters in the maze gaining in on Jane's character. That was exactly what she loved about video games and skateboarding, the rush, it was amazing.
She looked on, on the edge of her toes when the girl's hands paused on the controllers and her shoulders visibly sagged. Her eyes flitted up to gauge Jane's reaction, only to see the girl worrying her lip between her teeth. The sight made her feel weirder than she usually did around the girl and she tore her gaze away, glancing at the screen instead.
"Press the button, quick!" She yelled without thinking when she saw just how close the character was to getting captured.
Jane suddenly jumped at the sound of her voice and looked at her with her lips pursed and a frown. The character got eaten by the monster in the meantime and she saw the other girl's jaw clench at the realisation.
Shit.
Her hands fiddled on their own before she cleared her throat, rubbing at her neck and then stopping all together. "T-the button's for jumping. I was just trying to help."
Her words did not do anything to make the situation better or smoothen Jane's frown. And to make it worse, she was explaining shit when she wasn't asked to. That was not her at all.
Sometimes, she felt like if she saw herself through someone else's eyes like this, she wouldn't recognise herself. And that was another thought she didn't want to mull over.
The other girl turned to her the whole way and gave her the glare she knew so well.
Strike two.
"I swear." She added and she would've slapped herself right then and there had it not made her look completely mental.
The other girl's glare didn't soften, instead her lips parted and then the girl spoke. "Stay away."
She opened her mouth, to say something, something that never made it past her lips because the brunette was speaking to her for the first time in.. oh god was it really the first time in almost a whole year?
"You don't under–" She started, stopping short when the other girl bumped into her shoulder and walked off towards the boys, unaware of what had just transpired.
"... stand." She sighed out, rubbing at her eyes and slouching against the machine.
Something told her she had only managed to make matters worse.
She scratched her the back of her neck before putting in a quarter, cracking her knuckles and spending the rest of her quarters on the game; taking her frustration out on the poor machine.
...
She was standing beside Dig Dug, fiddling with the zipper of her hoodie. She had run out of quarters a few minutes ago, but the others were still busy playing. Mike was standing with Jane at Dragon's Lair. She could faintly hear him explaining her the controls as the brunette in turn, nodded fervently. The sight made her stomach churn with jealousy.
Had she not been doing the same?
She saw Jane grin after Mike murmured something in her ear, they both looked as though they were in a world of their own, making her tear her eyes away from the sight despite how pretty Jane looked when she smiled. The more she would look, the worse she would feel.
Instead, she tried to distract herself and looked around for the others. Dustin was now engrossed in Pacman (no surprise) with an ear splitting grin on his face as Lucas looked on sourly. She had a feeling the darker skinned boy had lost his high score and shook her head with a small smile. Her eyebrows furrowed when she didn't find Will anywhere near the machines.
"89, 980 points?!" His voice exclaimed from behind her.
"What?" She turned around, relived to see he hadn't gone off somewhere like.. before.
"Your score! I thought you'd been joking!" His face looked quite flabbergasted.
Her eyes widened when she caught on what he was referring to and whirled back to look at the machine.
Wow.
"Oh." She breathed out before turning to him with a lazy side smile playing on her lips. "I keep my word, I guess."
"You sound so enthusiastic, Max." His voice dripped with sarcasm.
She chuckled at that. She was wearing off on the sweet boy.
"I know, right?" She drawled before her smile dissolved into a straight line.
Will paused for a second and she felt his eyes scan her face before all signs of playfulness evaporated from his features.
She looked away, hoping he wouldn't ask the question he hadn't voiced yet.
"Is it Billy? Did he... do something again?" His sounded like he was walking on eggshells and she wondered if that was right.
She shook her head in answer and sighed when her eyes automatically flitted towards Mike and El with his gaze followed hers.
"I know how you feel." He leaned on the machine beside her.
"No, you don't. It's different. It's just.. different." She muttered with a clenched jaw before closing her eyes and sucking in a breath, trying to stop the warmth rushing to her face and erase the numbness in her stomach.
She knew he was just trying to help and she should be grateful for that. He was looking out for her, but if there was one thing she had in common with Billy, it was a burning flare setting off within her when someone showed even the small bit of pity. And so, she knew she was being a jerk, just like her stupid stepbrother.
"I– sorry, let's just.. go, yeah?" She put her foot on the back of her board, lifting the other side and picking it up.
Will didn't budge from beside her, though. His eyes were still looking on in Mike and Jane's general direction.
"After everything that.. happened, I hated talking about it, but when I opened up to Mom, it.. helped. I never thought it would, but it did. It helps Max." He murmured the last part softly.
She looked down at her dirty vans, pondering over his words. It wasn't that she 'hated' talking about it (hate was a strong word). She just didn't know how to. She wasn't used to talking about stuff. She had grown up in a house where she couldn't complain when something bothered her, no. That was out of the question. She was supposed to suck it up, bury it somewhere deep within herself and learn to live with it or in her stepbrother's case, take it out on other people.
She was the way she was because she didn't know how to be something- someone else.
"It's whatever, Will." She sighed out before walking away towards the other, maybe she could snag a coin or two from Lucas.
How would she ever put something as complicated as feelings into words, anyway?