Chapter Text
Disclaimers: As much as I may want to claim ownership of this famous series, I can’t because both Harry Potter and Bleach belongs to a whole lot of different companies that I can’t remember the names of at the moment. Any characters that appear in this fic that is not a part of the original series, belong to me so don’t take them without asking first.
Word Count: 1,095
Marriage Law Rejection Letters
Letter #171
By: Sakura Lisel
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Dear Incompetent BUFFOONS of the Ministry of Magic,
Are you people bloody SERIOUS?! Just who do you people think you are, to send me this farce of a marriage law demand, as if you seriously think that I of all people will comply with it? Don’t even think about forcing me into taking part of this immature, barbaric marriage law, because I swear I will decapitate anyone who dares show up on my doorstep to try and bring me back, and send their dissected remains back in tiny little boxes to show my displeasure.
I am no longer a citizen of England and have no reason to ‘come home’ and be married off to some incompetent inbred moron of the governments choice. I have more important things to do with my time than to be bothered with this nonsense, and I am a very busy woman who has more important things to do with her life and body than to get married and pump out babies in order to ‘help repopulate the magical world’ with a complete stranger who I didn’t pick out myself.
Even if you do somehow manage to force me to go along with this stupid law, I also swear that I will personally castrate and then stir fry and then force feed the genitals of any would be groom you morons TRY and ‘chose’ for me before I will allow myself to be forced into this farce of a law. After I castrate them, they will be spending the forseeable future as my human guinea pig as I test my latest experiments on them until I either get bored and eventually let them go or they eventually die.
You say that you have my ‘families’ permission to put me through this farce of a law? Ha! Good luck with that! I have formerly disowned myself from those buffoons long before I left England over five years ago, so they have no say in anything to do with me, nor can they legally decide my life for me or try and tell me exactly who I will marry as if they had some right to do so, not that they ever did to begin with. By the way, I also do not even answer to my old name anymore. I had it legally changed in both the magical and muggle worlds when I left. You may now consider that the girl you are looking for girl no longer exists in the eyes of the law.
I’m also sure that they must have told you what happened to one Ronald Billious Weasley when they TRIED setting me up with HIM of all people, just because he took a ‘fancy‘ to me and everyone ‘agreed’ and thought that the two of us would fit perfectly together, especially since his sister was already dating my idiot brother, Zayden Potter. I hear a rumour that the Weasley buffoon is still locked up in St. Mungos psychiatric ward screaming his fool head off because of our last encounter. *cackles*
The main reason the buffoon wound up in his current condition, is because I am protected by a ancient, and unbreakable, Laws of Arcadia contract which I personally drew up with the goblins back when I was twelve. It is a law that all magical governments acknowledge depending on the terms written on the contract basically automatically blocks any and all attempts to force me into a situation I do not want to be in, unless I personally agree to it. Anybody who tries to ignore and ursurp the contract against the drafter of the contract wishes shall wind up in the same condition as one Ronald Weasley or worse.
Sadly for you incompetent morons at the ministry, thanks to the Laws of Arcadia contract, you can not force me to obey your silly marriage law unless I agree to go through with it which will never happen. The contract will also automatically nullifies any attempts to change my mind through potions and spells.
Thanks to this law, I also plan to update the terms of my contract soon just in case, and I assure you don’t want to know what will happen if you force the issue, with the new terms I plan to put in place are in effect.
Don’t waste my prescious time anymore by bothering to contact me on this matter again.
Insincerely yours,
Mayuri Kurotsuchi
Formerly know as Juniper Potter
P.S. Don’t mind my Snowy owl, Hedwig, along with my Northern White Faced Owl, Calcifer, too much during their temporary stay at the ministry. I specifically told Calcifer that upon Hedwig delivering my response letter to not leave until he has properly showed my displeasure to you miscreants by giving you the Glare of Doom for the next half hour or so while you read it. He is highly intelligent and can understand what you say, and both Hedwig and he also have my express permissioon to attack anybody who tries to either hurt them either to make Calcifer stop glaring at them, or if they hears somebody plotting something against me.
Author’s Notes:
This latest Marriage Law Rejection Letter update was created by me in a fit of inspiration. lol If anyone else has any letters they want to submit, feel free to send them in. lol
This letter is based off of my fanfic story The Insane Scientist, which I adopted from theBlackSeaReaper. lol
If anyone wants to know what the ‘Glare of Doom‘ looks like on a Northern White Faced Owl go to Youtube and check out the video known as ‘Transformer Owl‘, and see it in action. Northern White Faced Owl’s can change their appearance in two stages to look intimidating to others when they think its being threatened, and its the Stage 2 look that Calcifer is giving the ministry. Or its ‘evil‘ mode as the video calls it. Other than Hedwig, I think this would be the perfect type of owl for someone like Mayuri. lol