Chapter Text
Disclaimers: As much as I may want to claim ownership of this famous series, I can’t because both Harry Potter and Hotel Transylvania belongs to a whole lot of different companies that I can’t remember the names of at the moment. Any characters that appear in this fic that is not a part of the original series, belong to me so don’t take them without asking first.
Word Count: 1,257
Marriage Law Rejection Letters
Letter #200
By: Sakura Lisel
===============================
Dear Idiots of the Ministry of Magic,
You can simply just FORGET about me EVER coming back to take part in your silly little marriage law. You also should take note of the exact phrasing of your own letter and its 'requirements' for taking part in it before contradicting yourselves about what your own law specifically says at the BEGINNING of it.
I mean seriously? Your forever growing level of inbred stupidity still amazes me even after all these years, if you are blatantly ignoring what you yourselves wrote up in your stupid law in order to get your own way. Either that or you must think that everyone else are just as stupid as you are, and will just blindly do what you say without a fight or argument, and won’t look behind the lines of what your law says.
Plus here is another thing, let me point out to you, that your own law specifically says that all AVAILABLE and ELIGIBLE witches and wizards have to take part in this ludicrous law. Well let me tell you this right here and right now, and I truly hope for YOUR sakes, that it sticks in your thick inbred, and obviously brain damaged minds, that I am NOT 'available' OR 'eligible' to take part in your law, and that I have no wish to make myself so, in order to allow myself to be RAPED by a complete stranger just to 'help out' with YOUR population problems. As far as I am concerned, as a FORMER member of YOUR society, I am NOT obligated to do what a law made in a country I don't even bloody live in anymore CLAIMS that I 'have to' obey it.
Before you say ANYTHING, the answer is YES, what you are trying to do is STILL considered RAPE by both the ICW and is HIGHLY illegal OTHER magical communities if NOBODY is willing to do it no matter what YOU might want to try and say on the matter, you wankers!
I mean seriously? Will you WANKERS take the bloody hint already and leave me alone?! I bloody LEFT your lame society over TEN YEARS AGO! If I haven't been back in all this time even to visit, why the hell would make you even possibly think even for a second that I'll come back just to 'allow' myself to be married off against my will to someone I don't know? I assure you that Hell will freeze over first and Lucifer will be giving away FREE hot coco and FREE sleigh rides in the former firey pits of HELL before THAT will EVER happen.
You people really think that you can decide for me who my 'perfect match' is? So sorry to have to break it to you wankers, but as far as I am concerned, I've ALREADY found my ‘PERFECT match’ all on my own. He is my one true love and my soul mate. We were made for each other. Even just THINKING of being with ANYONE except him makes me extremely sick to my stomach, and I won't give him up for anybody, and especially not for a backwater magical society that exists in a country that I haven't lived in over ten years.
As far as I am concerned, I already did my ONE and ONLY 'duty' to you people by destroying Voldemort. I don't 'owe' you anything else, let alone using me as your society’s personal broodmare in your lame law. Whatever laws you make over there can go shove themselves where the sun don't shine. Your laws, they mean nothing to me, you people and your problems mean nothing to me, and anybody who TRIES to show up to my home to TRY and make me come back will face the eternal wrath of myself and my husband's family and all of our friends.
Maybe I should tell you exactly who my husband is. He has given me permission to do so. His name is Count Dracula the Second. Yes, THAT Count Dracula of legend. He tells me that he WILL be more than willing to go to war to keep me. All of our friends are willing to help as well. You won't stand a chance against all of us.
Plus I'm pretty sure that even the magical world has heard of Draculas elder sister, Countess Lydia Tepia Dracula. By her own words, usually she doesn't like humans, but she's gotten a little attached to me over the years. I think my being a witch (and also being the Mistress of Death) helps in me not fully human and more tolerable in Lydias eyes. Trust me when I say that you really DON'T want to get on HER bad side either at ANY time soon. Depending on his current mood, Dracula might give you ONE chance to repent your actions in TRYING to kidnap me, but Lydia... You had better hope that Dracula finds you before Lydia does.
Let me put it this way. For example, I think that the best way to describe dear Lydia is that she makes Bellatrix Lestrange look like a slightly sane, sweet, docile pacifist. Bellatrix herself would be considered a perfect little, and non-violent, angel in comparison to Lydia, especially when Lydia gets mad.
Do you now get the picture yet on exactly how STUPID trying to seperate me from my family would be by now? You won't like what I overheard what Lydia was planning to do to all of you if you try and force this issue, that is if you LIVE that long in order to form an opinion about it once she's through with you.
Oh by the way, speaking of the ICW, I along with a lot of other enraged witches and wizards have been in contact with them recently on the matter of Englands Marriage Law. The ICW are REALLY angry with you idiots about this lame law and want to have some SERIOUS words with whomever made it by the way, ESPECIALLY since you are TRYING to use this law to forcibly ‘recruit’ potential brides and grooms from OUTSIDE of Englands boarders, who’ve NEVER stepped foot on Britiish soil or been BORN over there, instead of sticking with the witches and wizards already living over there.
Cordially yours,
Countess Jericho Historia Dracula nee Potter
Author’s Notes:
This latest Marriage Law Rejection Letter update was created by me in a fit of inspiration. lol If anyone else has any letters they want to submit, feel free to send them in. lol
So what do you think of a female Harry getting together with Dracula instead of Erica Van Hellsing? The idea wouldn’t go away no matter what I tried. lol Especially since the new Hotel Transylvania 3 show the familys not ‘too old’ to still Zing, even if they already did it before. lol