Chapter Text
2:13 p.m., December 23
The wind felt cold against his skin, and Gavin pulled the scarf up farther to cover his mouth and nose as they walked towards the ice rink, side by side, hands brushing against each other’s but not really touching, not holding onto each other. Gavin wasn’t even surprised anymore to find himself wanting to intertwine his fingers with the android’s; habit was one hell of a drug, it seemed.
They had left right after what had probably been the most awkward lunch ever, telling his mother where they would be going and then practically sneaking out to avoid any and all potential drama.
On their way, they had stopped to get coffee for Gavin, and he already missed the warmth of the cup in his hands as they finally entered the building.
He hadn’t been here in ages, probably hadn’t visited the place in almost twenty years. It had changed, obviously. It looked more modern now, less old and run-down than it had been in his youth. The rink was still the same moderately sized area, the small restaurant that had been on the second floor had made way for another, different one.
There wasn’t a huge crowd, a few families and couples skating. No wonder, it was the day before Christmas eve and most people had probably already driven away to visit family and friends, were busy last-minute gift shopping or simply staying at home and enjoying themselves in the cozy warmth.
“C’mon, you can check out the whole thing later,” Gavin grinned as he noticed Connor’s gaze wandering around the rink, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the counter so they could pay the entry fee and each rent a pair of ice skates.
They wandered downstairs with their hands still clasped together.
As soon as they had put on their skates and moved onto the ice, Gavin had learned one thing: state of the art prototype his ass. Despite being the most advanced android there was, Connor was absolutely shit at ice skating, and Gavin watched him struggle and almost fall over before grabbing onto the boards to steady himself. Holding back his laughter was a challenge, not just because watching Connor bumble around was hilarious, which is was, but because it was simply adorable to watch him concentrate and try and fail and try again.
After a few minutes of Connor almost falling over Gavin sighed, a grin still on his face and moved closer to the other, extending his hand.
“You’re doing it all wrong, Connor. Can’t your super computer brain just download how this shit works?” Connor took Gavin’s hand.
“Theoretically, I could. But I wanted to try it on my own.”
There was a proud expression on his face, and Gavin’s smile widened.
“Okay, dipshit, I’ll show you how this works.”
Teaching Connor how to ice skate had been a feat, and definitely not an easy one, but after more than a few failed attempts and Connor falling onto his ass more times than Gavin could count, clinging to Gavin while desperate trying to stay on his feet before dragging the other down with him he seemed to get the hang of it, skating alongside Gavin with a smile on his face, laughing and talking happily.
Despite that, he had still refused to let go of the other’s hand, claiming that he felt more secure when holding it, since he was “still new to this”. Gavin certainly didn’t mind, not when Connor looked so… excited. Happy. Adorable.
His family and the whole ordeal that happened the day before was forgotten as he listened to Connor blabber on about another dog or something funny Hank had said, as Gavin dragged him around on the ice, speeding up and making wild curves, smiling as the android laughed out loud, beautifully as always. Gavin wanted to record it and listen to it over and over again.
And for this moment, he didn’t question it. Didn’t question the way he felt warm inside just by looking at Connor, or the way he wanted to hold the other’s hand and kiss him again.
So he did. Just a short, chaste peck on the lips as the stopped at the side of the rink, and Connor’s eyes widened in confusion.
Shit.
“Gavin— I— there is no one here we need to pretend for,” he reminded him softly, and Gavin’s face started burning up. Connor was absolutely right.
“I know, just, uh, I think it was just force of habit, you know?” He said, rubbing the back of his neck.
Connor nodded, and Gavin thought he had imagined a slight look of disappointment on the other’s face.
“I understand.”
“Let’s just… Let’s just keep going, okay?” Gavin suggested, hoping the awkward tension would dissolve as they got back onto the ice, fingers intertwined again.
Gavin honestly couldn’t remember when he had felt this comfortable in a person’s presence that wasn’t Chris or Tina, despite the occasional weirdness.
4:27 p.m., December 23
“Do you think we can do this more often, Gavin?” Connor asked, smiling softly as they walked towards the exit about two hours later, faces flushed from the activity and the cold, both of them smiling.
“If there are any nice ice rinks in Detroit, sure,” Gavin replied without thinking, immediately cursing himself again. Who knew if he and Connor would even be friends, or anything when they returned home?
But Connor’s blinding grin made him feel almost hopeful that whatever this was right now, they could maybe, just maybe, keep it.
“I’d like that very much.”
“Mhm,” Gavin hummed contently.
“Where to now?”
“The arch?” He suggested as they go back into the warm car.
Connor needed in agreement and Gavin started up the engine, trying to focus on what he was doing and not on Connor, who had taken out his coin and started playing with it. He hadn’t seen the small object at all whilst they were with his family. Weird.
“Connor, can I ask you something?” The car engine started and they exited the parking lot.
“Of course.”
“Why haven’t I seen you with that coin while we were with my family?”
Next to him Connor frowned.
“I’m not sure, I think. I normally use the coin when I need to keep my hands busy or when I need to concentrate or recalibrate, sometimes when I need to calm myself.”
“I’m sure there were many situations for the latter,” Gavin mused, wincing a bit at the thought.
“Yes, but— Usually, we — I think usually I was holding your hand whenever I needed to busy them with something, so I wouldn’t have been able to use it anyways.”
Gavin nodded, content with the explanation, but also noticing the faint tinge of blue on the android’s cheeks.
5:52 p.m., December 23
The arch was beautiful at night, there was no denying that. Gavin had always enjoyed visiting it, not as much with his family, but he had been there with Tina once, walking through the park and trying various different foods, joking around and just chatting.
Somehow, it felt different with Connor. Like a date? Rushed through his mind again. Gavin shook his head. He liked it, like this, liked walking next to Connor and chatting with him, all soft voices and happy smiles.
His hands were freezing cold, the food that he had gotten earlier that had filled his stomach and warmed his fingers gone by now, his gloves forgotten.
Suddenly, he felt fingers intertwine with his, and he looked up at Connor.
“My scanners sense that your fingers are extremely cold,” Connor said by way of an explanation, smiling softly as he closed his hand around Gavin’s.
“Let me warm them up.”
“I— shit, yeah thank you,” he splutter, sighing contently at the warmth that bled from Connor’s hands. Had they always been this warm? Gavin couldn’t imagine that, but maybe it was simply the fact that his own had been just short of falling off from the cold.
“How about we go up on the arch later?” He suggested, using his free hand, the one that wasn’t holding Connor’s, the thought still seemed both weird and normal by now, to point towards it. “I haven’t really been up there yet, but I’ve heard it’s pretty neat.”
Connor’s flushed face seemed to pale a bit, and his LED blinked yellow.
“Hey, you okay, Con?” Gavin asked.
“I am, no need to worry. But if that’s alright by you I would prefer staying on the ground.”
“Why?” they came to a halt, stood still near one of the park benches, and Gavin involuntarily huddles closer for the warmth Connor was radiating.
Connor hesitated, eyes glancing around nervously for a second, LED bright yellow, before he looked back at Gavin, determination in his eyes.
“My very first mission, before I came to the DPD, was a hostage situation. And android, a PL600, his name was Daniel, had taken a little girl hostage. Her parents wanted to replace him with a newer android, and he snapped when he found out.”
Connor let out a shaky breath, visible against the cold air. Gavin squeezed his hand tightly, hoping it would be comforting, encouraging.
“I managed to save her, but I had to throw myself off the roof with him. I— I don’t remember what it feels like to die, I— I had uploaded my memory to CyberLife’s databases just before my previous model was destroyed. But I remember falling.”
He was shaking slightly, his LED red as he looked at Gavin, appearing to be searching for something in the other’s eyes.
“I’m— That’s shit, I’m sorry that happened to you,” Gavin attempted to comfort him. Connor simply smiled, sad and wistful, squeezing Gavin’s hand tightly now too.
“Thank you. It’s been almost two and a half years now, but…”
“That shit affects you for a long time,” Gavin replied.
“I assume you’re speaking out of experience?” Connor asked quietly, and Gavin nodded. The android had trusted him with something that was clearly very personal, and Gavin felt the need— not an obligation, simply the urge to confide in the other as well.
“I can’t remember when exactly it was. I had only been on the force for a few years, my then partner has retired since.” He gulped, No turning back now.
“We were at this apartment complex with a witness to check out an apartment, see if he recognized it. My partner wanted to question the landlord and sent me upstairs, so I got into the elevator with the witness. Witness my ass though.” He sneered coldly, looking at Connor as the android watched him with an unreadable expression on his face.
“The guy was our perp, but well, we didn’t know that. So as soon as we got into the elevator, he stopped that thing, it was an old apartment complex and you could still do that shit. So he stopped it, it got all dark and I’m already not the biggest fan of small spaces.
The dude got out a knife and tried to stab me, actually managed to even, I still have the scar. I had to shoot him in self-defense, but I was stuck there with his fucking body because this old as shit elevator needed to be set into motion again and the call for help button was fucking broken.
I refused to use elevators for about three or four years after that incident, and I still prefer using the stairs,” he ended, looking at Connor, searching for any kind of reaction.
The android’s LED circled yellow, and he watched Gavin with a calm expression on his face, a small smile on his lips.
“Thank you for telling me, Gavin,” he whispered, thankfulness in his voice.
“I thought maybe hearing that you’re not the only one affected by something like that might be, I don’t know, encouraging?” He tried, now also smiling.
“Yes, I think it is. And I’m sorry that happened to you.”
“Don’t be. All those years of only taking the stairs gave me great legs,” he joked.
“I’ve noticed,” Connor replied, and for a moment Gavin was stunned. Was the android flirting with him? No, there was no reason for him to.
“C’mon, let’s keep moving before I free my balls off,” he told him instead. Gavin was still Connor’s hand as he dragged him along the park, watching the lit-up arch and the snowy landscape, sometimes chatting about small things, about dogs and books and movies and songs, but mostly simply walking in silence, enjoying each other’s company. At one point, Gavin had impulsively bought a snow globe from one of the souvenir vendors when Connor had been distracted.
They were walking under a streetlight when Connor suddenly stopped and changed directions, steering a mildly confused Gavin towards the big Christmas tree that had been built up in the park.
“I like Christmas trees,” he smiled, looking up at the beautifully decorated pine tree.
“Would you have put up one if you hadn’t come here? At Hank’s house I mean;” Gavin asked curiously.
“I’m not sure. Maybe. But I wouldn’t have done it without his permission. Or without someone to help me, I— Christmas doesn’t seem like something you should celebrate alone.”
“What would you have done if you haven’t come here?”
“I would have simply stayed at home with Sumo.” He smiled as he mentioned the dog, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Maybe I would have visited Markus and North and Simon and Josh, even though they don’t really celebrate Christmas.
Have you ever brought someone else along?”
“What?” Gavin felt slightly taken aback by the question.
“I’m just— I’m just curious whether you ever brought someone else with you to your family.” Connor looked away.
“Yeah, sure. Never as like, a boyfriend though. Brought Tina once, but y’know, we’re both gay as shit so that was just so she wouldn’t have to spend it alone in our apartment, that was before she moved out to go live with her girlfriend,” he recounted, smiling at the thought of her. He missed living with Tina, but he was happy for her.
“I see,” Connor replied, smiling again.
“Do you regret coming along?”
“I— No.”
“No?” Gavin asked, unsure what to make of that.
“Don’t misunderstand me, your family is… not the most pleasant, certainly not. But I greatly enjoyed spending time with you and getting to know you better and seeing some other parts of the US other than just Detroit. Today in particular was… was a very nice day and I wouldn’t want to have missed that.”
“I’m happy to hear that,” Gavin replied, smiling.
“Here, wait,” he then said, remembering the small object he had stuffed into his jacket pocket. With his free hand he reached inside and pulled out a small snow globe of the arch, artificial snow whirling around.
Connor’s eyes lit up as Gavin held out the globe to him.
“Here, I saw it earlier and uh, I uh, I thought you might like it?” Gavin said, suddenly self-conscious.
“Gavin, you really didn’t have to,” Connor responded softly, eyes fixated on the small object he was holding.
“But I wanted to.” The light in Connor’s eyes at the sight of the small present was beautiful, and it only then occurred to Gavin that unlike humans who had had tons of birthdays and Christmas Eves to exchange presents, the android probably had rarely gotten any gifts before.
As Connor looked at the globe with a soft smile on his face, fingers still intertwined with his Gavin made the decision that he would get Connor something for Christmas. Something for him to remember their time here, in a positive light hopefully, not just a silly souvenir he impulsively bought, but something that held meaning for them.
Whatever that was, Gavin wondered for a brief moment as he resisted the urge to lean in and kiss Connor once more.
7:46 p.m., December 23
The urge persisted, not leaving his mind for a single second even as they got into the car and started their journey back home, the snowflakes whirling around the vehicle as they drove along the dark streets, headlights bright to be able to see anything at all.
They stumbled back into the house, laughing and joking and Gavin still showing Connor pictures of Gilbert and Nugget on his phone, Connor cooing and chuckling and laughing at whatever shenanigans Gavin’s cats had gotten up to, eyes shining brightly and cheeks flushed from both the laughter and the cold, and for a moment, Gavin almost believed what they had pretended to be was more than an act, was maybe even a tiny bit real.
He shook his head at the absurdity of the thought and took off his coat, leaving it on one of the coat hangers in the hallway. Connor did the same, both moving as quietly as they could, careful to avoid Gavin’s family. This day was supposed to belong to them, supposed to be calm and without much drama, just for the sake of their nerves, but that would be a thing of the past if they now ran into Aunt Liz or maybe Dana.
Quietly as possible they made their way back to their room, ignoring the talking and laughter coming from the other side of the house, the door falling shut behind them with a soft thud.
Gavin sighed in relief and kicked his shoes off, throwing himself face-first onto the bed, Connor’s soft laughter in the background as the android took off his own boots and neatly placed them next to the door.
“Tired?” He teased, and Gavin just groaned from where he was still lying, face pressed into the pillow.
“Mhm,” he simply replied, and Connor chuckled.
“I’d advise you to change into your nightwear first before going to sleep.”
“Fuck you, you’re not my mom.”
Another laugh, Gavin couldn’t help but smile. He loved hearing Connor laugh.
“Thankfully I am not, but you still need to change.”
“Make me,” Gavin mumbled into his pillow.
“And how would I do that?”
“I don’t know, dipshit, that’s on you to figure that out. I’m not the brains here.”
“You’re not being very cooperative, Gavin, and I also think you’re giving yourself too little credit.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
Next to him, the mattress dipped. Connor must’ve sat down , Gavin realized.
A hand began running through his hair and Gavin sighed contently. This was also something he could get used to. Wanted to get used to.
He really needed to get back into dating, he had been alone for way too long. But strangely, whenever he now tried to imagine being with someone, all he could think of was Connor. Stupid brain making stupid habits.
“Please, for me?” Connor asked quietly, voice nearer than Gavin had expected it to be.
He turned his head around to look at the android and groaned. How could anyone resist those big, brown puppy eyes when they looked at him like that? Impossible.
Propping himself up on his elbows, now almost on the same height as Connor, he noticed the other smiled victoriously.
Stupid fucking android. With his stupid, stunning brown eyes, his stupid pretty grin, his stupid gorgeous, adorable, handsome, beautiful face, his stupid soft lips.
Gavin hesitated, distracted, and slipped as he tried to get up. With a yelp he grabbed onto Connor’s button-up shirt, trying to steady himself. Instead, he managed to pull the android down with him, Connor catching himself on his hands, face only inches away from Gavin’s, the blue on his face deepening, LED cycling blue at a rapid pace.
“Gavin?” He whispered, and the way he said it sent shivers down Gavin’s spine and he wanted nothing more than to pull the other down by his stupid dress shirt and kiss him but all he could do was stare.
His hand seemed to develop its mind of its own as it wandered up from Connor’s shoulder to his neck, fingers making their way into soft, brown locks, Connor’s eyes fluttering shut as Gavin started running them through it, a small smile on his face.
There was a strange expression in Connor’s eyes as he opened them again, looking at Gavin, biting his lip, face tinted blue.
Gavin’s own gaze wandered down to Connor’s lips, unable to tear himself away, pulling the android closer without even really meaning to, hand still tangled in his hair, licking his own lips.
Without thinking about it, Gavin closed the distance between them, watching Connor’s eyes widen in surprise before he closed them, his own drop as he felt Connor shift and cup his face with both hands, changing positions so he was now effectively straddling Gavin’s lap, pushing himself closer, moving his lips along Gavin’s, thumbs caressing his cheeks and the soft stubble on his face.
Warmth started pooling in Gavin’s stomach and he had to tear away to breathe, watching Connor pant before leaning in again, not allowing himself to think about what he was doing, pressing their lips together, hungrier, deeper this time. He wanted, no, needed more of this, needed Connor closer to him.
His other hand began running along Connor’s side, dipping below his shirt, the soft feeling of synthetic skin and lean muscle under his fingertips, his own heavy breathing mixing with Connor’s as he brushed his tongue against the other’s lips, begging to be let it.
After a moment of hesitation, Connor parted his lips and Gavin pulled him even closer than before, one hand still tangled in his hair, the other roaming the android’s body, not a sheet fitting beneath them, his pants beginning to feel tight, Connor radiating warmth, quick, shallow breaths coming over their lips, mixing together until it was impossible to tell which one the soft sighs and quiet moans belonged to who when Connor’s hand began moving down from Gavin’s face.
A loud thud of something being dropped made them break apart hastily, creating distance as if they had been burned. Maybe they had, Gavin thought. He certainly felt that way as he watched Connor’s LED blink yellow, watched him trying to collect his breathing and steady himself where he was now sitting at the foot of the bed, hair tousled and face blue with a flush that probably rivalled the deep heat in Gavin’s own cheeks.
He hadn’t even known that the android’s breathing could be affected by… this. None of their kisses had been like this before, this was entirely new and weird and— something he shouldn’t have done. He didn’t know why he had kissed Connor, it had just felt like the natural thing to do. And he was sure he wasn’t the only one who had enjoyed it more than he should have, but— still.
Kissing Connor like this was a bad idea. Especially with all those strange whirlwinds of thoughts that had been going on in his mind lately, this was only adding fuel to the fire.
“I—” he began, unsure what to say, pants still uncomfortably tight and face red and flushed.
“I— I’m gonna take a shower.”
“Yes, that— that might be a good idea,” Connor responded, unable to look him the eyes, and Gavin immediately felt bad as he got up and gathered a t-shirt and a fresh pair of boxer shorts. Had he ruined it? Had he ruined whatever they had been building up, whatever that was? This strange friendship of theirs? It wasn’t like he could blame habit on it, not for this one. There hadn’t been anyone around to watch, no one to judge, no one to act for, it hadn’t been a small peck that he could blame on being so used to acting with his family.
No, this was entirely his doing, he realized as he closed the bathroom door behind him.
The cold water helped to soothe his nerves and everything else that needed some soothing and calming down despite the shivers running down his body due to the low temperature.
When he was sure that the cold shower had worked its magic he turned the heat up a bit, sighing contently as the warm water hit his skin. He couldn’t get the feeling of Connor’s lips against his out of his head, of Connor’s body beneath his hands, Connor’s hands all over him and fuck he should’ve stuck to the cold shower. Gavin cursed under his breath and just turned the shower off.
He stepped out and dried himself off before slipping into his clothes, the soft fabric comfortable and warm. There was no way around going out there again and facing Connor, he knew it.
Should he apologize? There was no way of knowing what the android was thinking, his expression and tone of voice had been entirely unreadable to Gavin’s mushy brain when he had practically made a run for the shower.
Maybe he should just go on and forget the whole ordeal ever happened.
Yeah, that was probably the best course of action, he decided as he opened the door.
Forget this thing ever happened, get up early tomorrow to buy a gift for Connor because despite it all, he still wanted to see the android’s eyes light up again like they had when he had given him the snow globe, and then get the whole holiday thing over with and go home.
He really fucking missed Gil and Nugget and Tina, even if he didn’t particularly miss his shitty apartment.
But he was certain he’d miss Connor, although right now he didn’t really want to think about it.
The android seemed to already be in bed, lying on the very edge of the bed, as far away from the middle as possible. Gavin felt a small pang in his chest.
They had spent the last few nights huddled together in the middle of the bed, fighting for the covers and Gavin basking in the warmth Connor always seemed to radiate, but that seemed to be off the table for today.
It hurt, knowing that what happened earlier seemed to have upset the android enough to move so far away from him. Unsure whether he should say something Gavin got into the bed and curled up beneath the covers, listening to Connor’s soft, synthetic breath. He had gotten so used to the sound of it in the past few days that it was almost impossible to imagine falling asleep without it.
It was strange how used one could get to another person in such a short amount of time he mused as he pressed his eyes shut. Hopefully sleep would come soon and he could leave early tomorrow, possibly even before Connor woke up so he could surprise him with the gift.
Maybe some time apart, some time to think would help them. Maybe it would solve whatever mess he had created here. With that in mind, Gavin slipped into a fitful sleep.
7:21 a.m., December 24
Okay, maybe going to Elijah’s hotel at seven in the morning hadn’t been the best idea, Gavin thought as he stood face to face with a blonde android ( That’s Chloe, you idiot, his tired brain supplied ) who looked just as confused as he felt after having knocked on Elijah’s room door for almost five minutes.
He had left as early as he could, leaving a note for Connor telling him that he needed to do something and that he’d be back in the evening, that Connor should try and enjoy the day on his own. Gavin really hoped Connor would be able to have a somewhat peaceful day despite being alone with his family.
“Gavin?” She asked, her voice clear and sweet, eyes still wide. She seemed even livelier today than she had seemed when they had last met, shortly after the revolution.
“Yeah, that’s me. Is Elijah there?”
“Yes. Should I wake him up for you?”
“Would be nice, yeah.”
She nodded and went back inside without another word, and Gavin took it as an invitation to walk into the room as well, closing the door behind him before leaning against it, crossing his arms as he watched Chloe gently wake up Elijah with a sweet smile on her face, a strange sort of jealousy rushing through him.
It was just a bit unfair that his weird, eccentric cousin had someone wake him up like this when all he usually had were two needy and hungry cats.
Elijah seemed more than a bit surprised to see Gavin standing in the door frame but he got up nevertheless, greeting him with a lazy “good morning” before disappearing into the bathroom.
“I didn’t know you were here with him,” Gavin blurted out suddenly after a few minutes of silence.
“He didn’t want to leave me alone in Detroit, and I didn’t want to spend Christmas on my own, so I agreed to come along,” she responded, a fond smile playing on her lips. “But after what he told me, I completely understand why he wouldn’t take me to see his family.”
Gavin nodded.
Before they could continue their conversation, the bathroom door was opened and Elijah stepped out, now fully clothed and with contact lenses instead of the glasses he had hastily grabbed from the night stand and thrown on.
“So, my dear cousin, what brings you here at” — he glanced at the clock — “seven in the morning? I assume it’s important?”
“It is,” Gavin replied, heart beating loudly in his chest, feeling himself squirm under Elijah’s questioning glance.
“Pray tell.”
“I— I need a Christmas present for Connor.”
“Why for Connor?” Chloe asked, confused. For a second, Gavin wondered if she had been involved in the unpleasant run-in Connor had had with Elijah.
“I’m not sure what Eli told you, but I brought him with me as my fake boyfriend to piss off our family.”
“And now you realized your undying love to him and want me to help you find a present for the love of your life so you can life happily ever after,” Elijah asked, raising an eyebrow.
Gavin could feel himself flush.
“What? No! I just need a present for him because I forgot to buy one earlier but I have no fucking clue what, and trust me I wouldn’t fucking ask you if I had any other choice.”
“I was merely teasing, no need for such foul language. Chloe, dear, do you want to come with us?”
“I wouldn’t see why not, if that’s alright by you, Gavin?”
“Yeah, sure, why not. Can we just please get going?” Gavin asked, nervously pulling on the hem of his sweater. One of Connor’s ugly Christmas sweaters.
1:12 p.m., December 24
Gavin wasn’t sure what he had expected. If he had expected this to be easier, he had been an utter fool, he thought as he rammed his fork into his food with more force than needed.
They had stopped to get something to eat after endless searching in shop after shop, never finding a gift that good enough, that was just right. There had been a lot that had been alright, good even, but none of them had really, well, clicked, and by this point he was probably driving Elijah and Chloe insane.
Observing the two had been a strange experience, they seemed to be distant and close at the same time, something that could mostly be attributed to Elijah’s attempts at hiding himself away from the public eye and his aversion to public displays of affection.
But when looked at closely it was easy to see that they meant a lot to each other, and it filled Gavin with warmth and made his heart ache with longing at the same time.
Longing for what, he wasn’t sure, and any suspicion, any notion that it might have to do with a certain android was fought down. It was hard not to think of him and Gavin desperately wished for Connor to be by his side as he dragged Elijah and Chloe into the next shop, yet again not finding anything that was to his satisfaction, but it wasn’t as if he could take Connor to go shopping for his own gift.
Missing the android as much as he did had almost come as a surprise to him if it hadn’t been for that small, traitorous voice in the back of his mind, telling him that there was a reason why he missed Connor so much, insisting even when Gavin tried to muffle it, blinking brightly like a neon sign in his mind.
He really needed to get done with this and get home.
They took a small break from their relentless searching and walked through a small park nearby, all that was on Gavin’s mind was his and Connor’s date evening in the park, the soft smile on the android’s face, his hand in Gavin’s.
Elijah and Chloe kept sharing knowing glances but Gavin just shot them dark glares.
They walked past an advertisement for an ice rink, and all Gavin could picture was him and Connor as they had been skating yesterday, Connor’s hand firmly in his, the android letting himself be pulled along.
A store selling ugly Christmas sweaters, and Gavin could feel his chest become warm and heavy at the same time as he thought of Connor in one of those monstrosities, they reminded him of the one Gavin himself was currently wearing, of the ones the android loved so much.
Another store, nothing.
A cooking book? No, that would be insulting. Besides, Connor could simply download the recipes and it wasn’t as if that had helped.
One of those ugly Christmas sweaters? No, Connor had enough of those.
A keychain? Did Connor even have keys?
At some point, Gavin started feeling hopeless. He hadn’t planned on buying any gift for the android at first, and now here he was, desperately searching for a gift. It was almost laughable.
The sun began to set around half past five pm and they had wandered around and eaten and looked and searched for almost nine hours now, yet they still hadn’t found anything.
Gavin had even contemplated asking Tina if she had any tips for him, but he didn’t want to explain the whole mess he had created to her, not right now.
So he kept going, kept going into every store he saw, until he finally, maybe, hopefully found something.
A beanie, with dog ears on it.
Christmas baubles, a set, beautifully decorated yet colorful and funny, some shaped like normal baubles and some like cupcakes and dog faces and ginger bread houses.
His last hope had been a small thrift store hidden away in a small alleyway, cozy as they entered it, slow, quiet Christmas music playing in the background, a fire burning in the fireplace.
All of them had just seemed so utterly Connor to him that he had bought them immediately smiling as he imagined Connor with the beanie over his tousled hair, cheeks and nose blue from the cold, laughing about something Gavin had said.
It was adorable, and Gavin couldn’t help but smile. The items weren’t expensive, they weren’t anything grand, but he somehow he felt like they were just the right thing to buy. Not overly weird and sappy, but it still showed that Gavin cared for Connor, that he didn’t want him to freeze in the wintery cold (despite the fact that androids weren’t able to feel cold but Gavin ignored that fact) and hopefully showed how much Gavin had come to love the other’s enthusiasm for both dogs and for the holidays.
Love? He wondered for a brief second, suddenly feeling Elijah’s hand on his shoulder, a soft look on his cousin’s face.
“Gavin—” he began.
“Yeah?”
“You really like him, don’t you?”
Did he? He certainly enjoyed Connor’s company, enjoyed more than his company. Being away from him by now felt somehow wrong and he couldn’t help but wish for the android to be by his side. If he had the chance, he could simply stare at him and listen to him talk for days on end, he couldn’t even fathom how the android’s voice had ever annoyed him. Thinking about Connor made him smile, made him feel warm inside.
Fuck.
“I—”
“I know.”
It was strange how well Elijah could read him in moments like this, and when he turned his head towards his cousin the other wasn’t looking at him, but was looking at Chloe instead with a fond look on his face.
“You should tell him. I’m happy for you, Gavin,” he said quietly.
Unsure what to say, Gavin remained quiet before he nodded, watching as the blonde android looked through various racks of scarves, gesturing for Elijah to come over to her. His cousin gave him an apologetic glance and left, and Gavin watched Chloe wrap one of the colorful scarves around Elijah’s neck, laughing and smiling as he leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss onto her head.
Instead of trying to shove it away he let his mind wander away this time, let himself imagine Connor here with him, sweet kisses on his temple and laughing joking and holding his hand and leaning into him for warmth.
Maybe Elijah was right.
Scratch that, he was most certainly right. And Gavin absolutely had no idea what to do. He was utterly fucked.
With a last glance towards Elijah and Chloe he firmly wrapped his grip around the two presents he had decided on and moved towards the register.
Now he could only hope that Connor would like what he had decided on. And maybe, just maybe, it would be enough to show Connor that he really cared. Maybe it would be enough to convey his feelings. And maybe, just maybe, Connor could feel the same. It was Christmas after all, so was asking for a miracle for Christmas day too much?
Gavin had asked the shop assistant to wrap them for him, had gone tomato red once more after she had asked whether the present had been for a special someone. Elijah had jumped in and smiled, telling her that yes, they were for Gavin’s boyfriend, and Gavin had gone even redder, cursing his cousin out as soon as they had left the store, much to Chloe’s amusement.
As soon as they were in the car again, Gavin sighed contently at the warmth he was now surrounded with, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the cold window.
Whatever would happen, all he could do was hope for the best. And maybe for a small miracle.
7:14 p.m., December 24
Connor was sitting on the bed, playing games or texting someone on a phone that Gavin didn’t even know he possessed, a calm expression on his face, his LED yellow. Something felt wrong about it.
“How was your day?” The android asked without looking up as soon as Gavin entered the room, and he was glad that he had hidden the presents for Connor away in one of the closets in the hallway for him to get later, because there was no way he could get them past Connor.
“Fine,” he responded, kicking off his shoes. “Yours?”
“I’d say so too. I walked around the area a bit, I— I didn’t want to stay cooped up in the house.” His voice wavered slightly and the words alone, without you hung between them like an accusation. Maybe it was one.
“I’m glad it went over well.” He sighed. “Look, I’m sorry, but Elijah needed my help with something and it was pretty urgent.”
Connor sighed. “Gavin, it’s fine.”
“Then why is your mood ring still yellow?”
“I— Gavin, I’m fine, can we— can we please change the subject? Or just go to dinner, I don’t know what you did all day but I’m sure you must be hungry.”
The way Connor still cared about him despite Gavin leaving him alone here with his family made Gavin’s heart both jump with elation and ache in guilt.
Unsure what else to do he simply nodded and motioned for Connor to lead the way.
Dinner went over as well as always, snarky comments and eyerolls and backhanded compliments, with Connor being his usual polite and optimistic self and Gavin making up a hopefully believable story to cover his little gift shopping with Elijah. After all, what was one more lie?
Afterwards, his mother had actually pulled him aside to ask if everything was fine, and if he said he wasn’t touched by her concern that would have been a lie. Gavin had quickly assured her that there was nothing askew, that the distance between him and Connor simply came from the fact that they were both tired.
She had simply nodded understandingly, and he had suddenly began to wonder when his mother had started to, well, at least tolerate the relationship he and Connor didn’t even have.
They made their way back to their room pretty quickly after Dinner, and once Connor had disappeared to the bathroom to get changed Gavin had rushed out and stored away the presents in their closet. There was no way in hell he would be handing them to Connor in front of his family, not with the meaning they carried for him, not with what he wanted to tell him.
Did he really want to do that? Did he really want to confess his feelings not even a day after realizing them? Maybe he should wait— But he also felt like he had made excuses for long enough now. And maybe Elijah was right in his advice that he should tell Connor, maybe for once the universe was on his side.
He sighed and began changing into his usual sleepwear when Connor stepped out of the bathroom, looking at Gavin for a split second, LED still yellow, before wordlessly slipping under the covers.
Gavin really had to make up for leaving Connor here for the day he realized as he climbed into bed as well, longing for the android’s usual warmth.
He could only hope that he would be able to do so.
9:33 p.m., December 25
Christmas morning began with Elijah waking them up with a knowing grin on his face and he was gone before Gavin was able to even properly rub the sleep out of his eyes. He hadn’t slept too well last night, and all he wanted was for him and Connor to be okay again.
“Are you coming, Gavin?” The android asked from where he was standing in the door frame, putting down a small box on the drawer next to him, a small smile having returned to his face.
“Yeah, gimme a sec, Con. How are you even all dressed and shit already?”
“Not everyone falls back asleep immediately after being woken up once,” Connor teased and Gavin could feel himself smile.
“Sue me for being tired.” He stepped out of bed and lazily threw on a pair of jeans coupled with the same ugly sweater he had worn the previous day before following Connor into the living room where his family was waiting already. No Chloe at Elijah’s side, but he had expected it. He knew Elijah didn’t want to subject her to this mess, and his cousin was absolutely right in doing so.
His whole family was gathered around the tree, annoyance and impatience on some of their faces and Gavin could only smirk when he saw it, grabbing Connor’s hand before he sat down on the floor in front of the tree.
“So, who’s first?” He asked, grinning.
They made their rounds of exchanging cheap wine from the gas station, money and cheesy holiday cards, the odd box of crayons or dinosaur toy thrown into the mix for Steve’s little daughter, and Gavin leaned back against Connor, watching the dysfunctional mess of his aunt arguing with her husband over the earrings he gave her not being expensive enough.
His heartbeat was starting to pick up pace, nervousness eating him alive.
Once they were done here, he would give Connor his present. Apologize for leaving him alone, and tell him that maybe, over the course of the last week (had it really only been a week? It felt like a lifetime to Gavin) he had started to wish that what they were acting out here was more than just pretend.
He could do this, he tried to tell himself as his stomach started jumping, his nerves fluttering.
Rebecca and Eddie had put on their best show again, being as grossly, fakely in love as they could but Gavin hadn’t let himself be bothered by it this time.
Not even his aunt’s screeching and his grandfather’s glares as he leaned further into Connor, caressing his hand could bother him right now, not with his nerves on the line like this.
“Don’t you and Connor have gifts for each other?” His mother suddenly asked, and he felt his mouth go dry. Would they even believe him if he said he wanted to exchange them in private? Would Connor even believe him? He gulped.
“We— We do. But I didn’t wanna hand it to him here.” Gavin didn’t look at his mother as he spoke but instead looked at Connor. The android’s eyes widened in surprise before he smiled, a soft expression working its way onto his face.
“Yes,” he added quietly. “We already talked about it and decided that we would feel more comfortable exchanging gifts just between the two of us, I hope you understand.”
“Well, you had no fucking problem sucking face in front of us!” Dane interjected.
“Dana! Language!”
“Oh fuck off,” Gavin replied lazily, not even caring anymore. She could go bite his ass for all he cared.
“Gavin!”
“Sorry, mom.”
“If we are done here, I’d like to say goodbye for now. I have somewhere to be,” Elijah spoke up, smiling lightly. Gavin knew exactly where he would be going, and he couldn’t help but smile back.
“It was a pleasure spending Christmas with you all, but I’m afraid there’s someone I’d rather spend the rest of the day with. Don’t worry, I’ll come back again tomorrow.” And with that he was out of the door.
“If Eli’s leaving, I think we can go back to our room too, what do ya say?” Gavin whispered to Connor, tuning out his grandfather’s tirade about “this ungrateful grandson of his”.
“Okay,” Connor whispered back.
Fingers still intertwined Gavin stood up and pulled Connor with him.
“Alright, we’ll leave you too it. We still have our gifts to exchange,” he grinned, sounding more confident then he felt.
Not even waiting for an answer they left, and Gavin could feel his heart beating in his chest, loud and fast. This was it.
As soon as the door closed behind them, he took the neatly wrapped present out of the closet. It wasn’t big, not by far, but he hoped for the best.
Next to him, Connor grabbed the small box off the drawer and sat down on the bed.
“Would— would it be alright if I went first?” The android asked quietly, avoiding Gavin’s eyes.
Gavin nodded, and Connor handed him the small package. He carefully began unwrapping it under Connor’s watchful eyes and a bright smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he saw the small snow globe, matching the one he had bought Connor, but with a cat that looked exactly like Gilbert inside, wearing a small Santa hat.
He hadn’t even expected Connor to get him a gift before seeing the box, and he couldn’t contain the grin on his face, happy and touched about the fact that Connor had thought of him, had gone through the trouble of finding something that would mean something to him, remind him of Connor and his time here, of one of the happiest moments he had experienced in recent years.
“Do— Do you like it?” Connor asked shifting around his weight.
“I love it,” Gavin replied quietly, watching as the snow fell, mimicking the cold weather outside. He gently placed it on the drawer again, looking at it for another second before reaching for his own box, sitting down next to Connor.
“My turn,” he grinned and handed Connor his box.
This was it. This was the moment. He watched as Connors eyes lit up in excitement as he unwrapped the present with the utmost care, mouth slightly agape and LED bright blue, a bright smile forming.
“These— these are beautiful, Gavin,” he said quietly, looking at Gavin with such warmth and sweetness in his eyes that Gavin was questioning whether he was still alive or had ascended to heaven already.
“I’m not quite sure what to say other than thank you,” he continued, taking out the beanie and pulling it over his messy hair, smiling.
“How do I look?” He grinned.
“Beautiful,” Gavin smiled. “You look stunning Connor, you always do.”
“I—”
“No, no, no, can you let me talk for now? I— I got something pretty important to say and I need to get this out before I get cold feet again like the coward I am,” he attempted to joke, but the way Connor looked at him, earnestly and curious, a hint of nervousness in his eyes made his voice die in his throat for a second before he took Connor’s hand.
“Listen, I— I know you’re probably still angry at me for leaving you alone here yesterday, and— and I get that, I understand that, I don’t blame you. I’d be pretty fucking angry too, but I’m sorry. Not just for that, but also for dragging you into this mess.
I know you said you didn’t regret coming here, but I still shouldn’t have put this on you.”
“Gavin—”
“No, please let me finish, okay?
But despite everything, I— I ‘m very glad you’re here with me, I know that this disaster would have been so much fucking worse without you at my side.
Your almost annoying politeness and optimism — don’t look so offended, I said almost —, your smile, the way your eyes light up, your hand in mine, even your stupid fucking Christmas decoration— there’s no way I’d want to miss this. Miss you, Connor.
I know I’ve been a fucking dick to you, not just during your first week at the precinct but afterwards, and I know I’m really hoping for a fucking miracle here, but what I’m trying to fucking say is— I think, no I’m really fucking sure I like you, Connor, and not just in a buddy kinda way.” He let out a shaky breath, searching Connor’s eyes for a reaction.
“So you didn’t leave yesterday because you were so appalled by kissing me?” Connor whispered, and Gavin’s eyes widened in shock.
“What?! No!” He exclaimed. Had Connor really thought that?
“Connor, how is that even possible? I thought with your supercomputer brain you would be able to figure out that that’s not the case.”
“I’m sorry, I just— you didn’t even seem to want to talk to me afterwards, and then you were gone the next morning, and I assumed—”
“Then you need to stop assuming, dipshit,” he grinned, bringing one of Connor’s hands, the one he was still holding, up to his lips and placing a soft kiss on it.
“I wasn’t ever appalled or disgusted by kissing you, not even that first time in the car, even though I was pretty fucking confused.”
“I— I’m happy to hear that,” Connor smiled back. “Because I really enjoyed kissing you.”
“Oh?” Gavin asked, leaning forward. He hadn’t gotten a clear answer from Connor yet, but at this point it was safe to assume that he had gotten his miracle, right?
“Yes,” Connor whispered. “I— I think that was one of the reasons I even agreed to your stupid ploy.”
“Wait, what?”
“Gavin, you—you might not have realized it, but I have been interested in you for a while now. I never considered pursuing anything, it was only a stupid infatuation for no real reason I thought, Hank had told me so, the people and Jericho had told me so, but— I think I’m glad I didn’t listen to their warnings when I agreed to this. I— I wanted to see how a relationship with you might look like, maybe to convince myself that it would be a bad idea, maybe because I was holding out some hope that one day, maybe, you might like me back,” he whispered.
Gavin felt like the air had been knocked out of him. Connor? Having a crush on him? Agreeing to this thing just to get closer to him?
How awful must it have felt to kiss him, thinking Gavin wasn’t enjoying it nearly as much as he did, would never like him in that way? He winced.
“Connor, I—”
“No, Gavin, don’t apologize,” he said softly. “I agreed to this on my own accord and I’m— I’m happy about the way everything went, I— I don’t think I can properly believe that my Christmas miracle came true yet.” He ended with bright eyes and a teasing smile on his face.
“Let me show you then,” Gavin replied, smiling just as widely.
Without hesitation he leaned forward and cupped Connor’s face with his hands before pressing his lips onto the android’s, taking in his beautiful face for a second before closing his eyes.
This was it, he thought as he moved his lips against Connor’s, this was where he belonged right now.
When they broke apart, Connor’s smile was brighter than any of the fairy lights surrounding them, and all Gavin could do was lean in again, capturing the other’s lips once more.
8:15 p.m., December 28
Gavin had never thought he’d be sad to leave his family’s house after Christmas, but in a sense, he was. Without it, without them, who knows whether he and Connor would have found each other like this, even if he liked to pretend that he wouldn’t have needed such a situation to realize what a dumbass he had been and how much he had been missing out on.
His mother had been the only one to properly say goodbye to the pair of them instead of just nodding and shouting “see you next year” in the living room without looking up, Elijah having left a day before them.
She had been smiling much brighter than she had in the beginning of their stay. She had even hugged Connor tentatively, carefully, testing the waters before taking Gavin into a bone-crushing hug, whispering a quiet apology for the way she had reacted initially and wishing them a safe drive.
Maybe he wasn’t the only one who had experienced some weird enlightenment during the past few days. He hadn’t expected it, but he had hugged his mother back awkwardly, hoping that maybe their visit actually had started some change in her.
The car was warm as Gavin started the engine, one hand in Connor’s, his mother’s cookies on the dashboard, the dog-eared beanie on Connor’s head, smiles on their lips.
Gavin wasn’t really sure what to expect from the future, going being back to Detroit, but Connor’s hand in his felt warm and smooth and he was sure he could handle whatever life threw at them now, be it an angry Hank ready to murder Gavin before he would inevitably calm down and accept the fact that Connor and Gavin were dating, be it big, slobbery St. Bernards that Connor had shown him pictures of, be it confused, maybe even judgemental colleagues, weird cases, or all the big and little challenges that came with being in a relationship.
They managed to pull through this week with his family, they would be able to pull through everything.