Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

On a dingy old raft in the middle Grand Line, Chopper and Nami were enjoying their respective glasses of Strawberry Vodka. It was hot that day, and the sun was beating down on their supple bodies. It was, perhaps, a little too hot.

On this point Nami decided to think about how they ended up here. How it all went…

...so wrong.

**2 weeks earlier**

It had been an ordinary day on the Thousand Sunny. Zoro was training, Usopp and Luffy were messing around, and Sanji was in the kitchen preparing snacks for everyone. Everything was as it should be.

Nami was enjoying some peaceful down-time out on the lawn. Her and Robin had been sitting in the deck chairs for the past hour- she hadn’t felt so relaxed in weeks! No pirates to fight, and clear steady waters as far as the eye could see.

Just as she was about to drift off to the sound of the ocean breeze she heard a loud CRASH from inside the ship.

Everyone on deck rushed inside to find the source of the sound.

“What the motherfuck was that?!?” exclaimed Robin.

Zoro shook his head in annoyance at the comment “shut up, bitch.” he snarled.

At that point, as the crew entered the galley, the source of the noise made itself apparent.

“Chopper?!” Nami shouted in dismay.

Everyone looked on in shock at Chopper as he lay in the center of the galley’s floor, covered in milk and surrounded by the mangled remains of Sanji’s corpse.

Everyone was silent, until Luffy’s joyous laughter started up.

“Shishishishishi! Chopper killed Sanji!” He exclaimed, tears of joy beginning to fall from his eyes as he rolled on the floor.

Nami was about to scold Chopper for his rude behaviour (and the murder of Sanji) until she felt a firm hand grasp her behind.

She turned to around to knock some sense into the audacious culprit, fist already in the air.

But then she saw him; the owner of the hand.

It was Garp, Luffy’s grandfather.

He was wearing a denim jacket, with with bright yellow leggings, and fur-covered uggs to top it off. His skin was a crisp golden brown colour, as if he’d spent too long out in the sun.

“What’s up, sluts?” He demanded, taking a sip of his Starbucks frappuccino.

No one knew how to respond. Nami was at a complete loss of words, shocked into silence at the sight of Garp’s massive bulge, which was quite visible through his leggings.

She touched it.

As she fondled Luffy’s grandfather, she noticed a strange shape out of the corner of her eye.

Garp groaned in annoyance at the loss of attention as Nami peered out the galley window. She had to get a better look. Reluctantly she removed her hand from Garp’s massive, pulsating cock.

Nami gazed into the distance and saw something that shook her to her very core. Something she would never be able to forget. No matter how many gory fights they were in, no matter how many children she saw die at the hands of pirates less noble than themselves, this was simply unmatched.

Far, far off in the distance she saw two of their greatest foes: Foxy and Doh Flamingo. But they were not plotting evil deeds or murdering innocent folks. No. This was far worse.

They were standing on an inflatable raft. Or rather Doh Flamingo was standing. Foxy was in a much more… vulnerable position. Bent over on his hands and knees, his plump and enticing (and NAKED) behind up high in the air. Doh Flamingo was just getting into position to-

“What do you see, Nami?” Chopper asked, innocently.

Of course none of the rest of the crew would be able to see such a great distance. Nami had had to use her byakugon to view the wretched scene (something she would live to regret).

“It’s nothing.” She reassured Chopper.

**back to the present**

“Chopper!” Nami whined, shaking her empty glass in the air, “Bring me more of that zesty Vodka!”

“But Nami you drank it all! That was the last of it.” Chopper exclaimed, about to burst into tears. Nami just sighed and threw the glass over the railing into the blue depths. She pulled out her magazine with a huff, laying back down on her beach towel.

“Fuck you Chopper!” Nami yelled in a Jersey accent.

Little did Nami know, that sparked a less than innocent thought in the older reindeer’s mind. He was not blind to the ways of the world. He’s seen Vivi’s collection of Crocodile nudes and now knew what the hubub with romance was about.

‘Oh yes’ Chopper thought. ‘Maybe someday.’

As Nami sunbathed her mind began to wander. When did Chopper become so...bewitching?

Out of the corner of her eye, Nami spotted Chopper bending over to retrieve his hemorrhoid medication that he had dropped. His cute tail waved lazily back and forth in the wind. Nami felt the sudden need to reach over and-

‘No.’ She scolded herself. Chopper’s suave was Fresh Prince of Bel Air level. Practically Jesus. She wasn’t worthy to even think about squeezing those puffy cheeks.

‘ One day, one day I will have him.’ Her eyes followed the sway of Chopper’s hips as he went back into the galley. Suddenly, there was a loud thud on deck.

“Fuck your fucking broom Harold!” She cursed, jumping to her gritty feet.

“Don’t be scared Nami, it’s just me! Onion!” The child exclaimed. He was wearing a tube top with strange furred boots that appeared to be made out of hairy human legs.

“Onion?! I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone you have the god like abilities of the Belly Button Belly Button Fruit, so why would you come to see me? Please don’t tell me you want another lock of hair for your leg boots.”

Onion waved his hands, laughing. “No no no, I just needed to bring an old friend here for shelter. He got pregs by old man Whitebeard.”

“Woah he’s a pretty big guy.” (wink wink)

“So I’m told,” (wink wink) “anyway, I’m gonna teleport him here. BELLY BELLY PORTAL!”

Faster than Sonic on meth, Onion’s belly button flew off of his stomach and right onto Nami’s.

It started to grow and grow until it merged with Nami’s own navel. Eventually, there was a gaping belly button taking up all of Nami’s stomach.

“BELLY BELLY, OPEN!” Onion cried. With a large hip thrust, a neon orange beam shot straight into Nami’s stomach hole. Nami cries out in pain but bears it, knowing Onion was capable of doing far worse if she defied him.

A soft laugh could be heard coming from in her stomach that only grew louder with time.

“fefefEFeFEFEFE!” Foxy’s nose started to emerge and soon enough, his whole body slumped through and landed on the deck, not unlike a slug.

“Onion! Thank you for bringing me here! It’s always good to see you and your stylish boots.” Foxy exclaimed, standing wobbly. Onion shuffled his feet and looked away bashfully. He was always weak to praise.

“Oh stop it you fox! I don’t know how your child is going to handle your smooth words.” Onion chuckled.

“Child?” Nami asked, staring at Foxy’s extended stomach.

Chopper bursts out of the galley, out of breath. He runs over to the group while holding a transponder snail up in the air.

“GUYS LISTEN!” He shouts. Wordlessly they gather around in anticipation for what it has to say.

“What in Hogwart’s name is going on?”   The voice of Ron Weasley emerges. There is a quiet sipping noise of tea in the background. “I need more tea for this.”

TO BE CONTINUED

Chapter Text

"Nami, for the love of piss get me more cottage cheese!"

Said female suppressed a moan (not the kind she reserved for a certain unshorn mammal), and stomped into the kitchen to retrieve the hot gooey mass. Onion's demands had been getting worse and worse ever since he arrived on the ship. It had only been 3 days yet he had already taken over the Sunny. When Luffy, Zoro, Usopp, and the rest of the chumps had refused to allow Onion to steal their hairy legs they had all been killed swiftly. Nami and Chopper were the only ones spared, given that Nami was currently being used as a belly button portal and Chopper's bod was too shapely to waste. 

Stepping over the mangled milky mess of Sanji's corpse, Nami grabbed the cottage cheese. She threw off the lid then dumped the whole two gallon tub down her throat like Shaggy eating a double decker sandwich. 

"Take that shitface..." she mumbled, wiping a tear from her eye. 

"Nami-FUCKNUGGETS!"

Nami turned to find Chopper at the door, clutching his now decimated antler. She swooned, loving how gravely his voice got when he cursed. Chopper perked up, noticing her interest.

"Guess this thing can just go in the shitter then." He continued gravely. With a firm grip on the broken horn shaft, Chopper drew back and pitched it as hard as he could at what was possibly Sanji's spleen. The milky blood splatter ricocheted all over the chunky remains of cottage cheese dripping down Nami's torso and into her gaping belly portal. The sheer manly musk emanating from Chopper's display was too much for Nami to handle at the moment.

"Holy Dababy! Chopper I-I...." she trailed off. "....I need to go!"

With that, Nami skated across the slippery mix of fluids as if she were a rollerblading champion out to the front deck where Onion resided. 

Onion and Foxy were both seated at a small table, sipping from their respective glasses. There was no evidence of the Straw Hat Crew massacre, aside from a few bone shards sticking out of the grass and the smell of burnt rubber in the air. 

"Do you think your kid will have a big moustache like old man Whitebeard?" Onion asked Foxxy. He took note of the missing cottage cheese and shook his head in disappointment. Nami ducked her head, ashamed. 

"Fefefe, I hope they do. If they will develop even half of the charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent that WhiteDaddy does I will be filled with happiness." Foxxy caressed his rounded stomach and gazed at it lovingly. 

Still reeling from her master's disapointment, Nami watched on and decided it was wise not to mention the events on the raft she had seen involving a certain well-endowed flamingo man. 

"That reminds me," Onion said, caressing his newly acquired Robin-haired leg boots. "I have been seeing a certain smoking vice admiral these past few weeks. He can blow better smoke circles than me on my vape." 

Foxy waved his hand in the standard 'kowabunga' motion."Woah, that's some sick hardware bro fefefe." 

Nami also waved her hand in the 'kowabunga' motion, wanting to be cool and hip like the kids, but stopped when Onion shook his head at her attempt. 

"sorry elder god." She whispered under her breath.

Chopper then emerged from the kitchen. Except instead of having his normal dandruff filled coat, Chopper had shaved his entire body. In a vine like pattern, he had painted beautiful symbolic lines entwined across his body with all sorts of body fluids. He had tied his newly abnormal horns into the shape of an Elvis hair cut. With a little leg swing and a pursed lip smirk, Chopper pointed his hooves at the group. 

"Thank you, thank you very much." He remained on the spot, continuously swinging his legs as if they were old rusty propellors. 

The group kind of just chuckled awkwardly and kept looking at their fine china.

Nami let out a sopping wet fart.

Onion hmmed. "You know what, I'm suddenly in the mood to suck on something." 

"Here you go sweet cheeks fefe." Foxy reached under the table and pulled out Usopp's disembodied nose. 

The exchange happened without words, and Onion was left contently sucking on the (admittedly well kept) lengthy nose. 

Foxy relaxed as well, leaning back in his chair while resuming the long strokes on his stomach globule. He started to hum a low lullaby to the child growing in his stomach. Nami continued to stand next to Grand Master Onion, swaying to the music with her hands clasped in a mushy mess. 

Soon the only sounds on deck were the soothing ocean waves, the lowly hum of Nicki Minaj's Roman Holiday, and the rhythmic cracking of chopper's rotating knee joints.

Onion sighed in pure bliss. "Simply, wonderful." He smiled an indulgent smile, then promptly vaporized Foxy with a belly button shot. 

"FUCK!" Nami launched herself backwards and started to continuously fart. The action startled Chopper out of his horny state and he fell off the balcony, further cracking his knees. 

"Watch out little bro, if you crack too much you'll get suuuuuuuper arthritis." Franky exclaimed from his hiding spot underneath the grass. He then threw off his cover and committed suicide by flinging himself into the ocean. 

Onion took a deep breath of the vaporized Foxy flakes in the air. 

"I dislike an unfaithful man. I know what he did with Doflamingo, did you think my Belly Button Belly Button powers were not limited to mind reading?" 

Nami dropped to the ground, shaking and drooling at his feet.

"Of course not my lord! I did not mean to underestimate you! Please forgive me!" Onion ignored her groveling, and instead scratched his itchy hair boots on her forehead. 

"Fer shaw. Just don't let it happen again." As punishment, he bit off a lock of her hair and stuck it to his boots. 

Suddenly, Nami felt a growing pressure in her abdomen. She was relaxed however, thinking it was just explosive diarrhea building up. Reading her thoughts, Onion shook his head.

"No, no, no frauline, there is someone coming through the portal." 

Just before something emerged, the den den mushi rung from under Chopper's collapsed, joint cracking form.  

Chopper performed a movement similar to the worm and eventually the line clicked on. 

Everyone gathered around his prone form and strained their ears. 

"What in Hogwarts name is going on?"  The voice of Ron Weasley emerged. He sipped his tea with great force this time. "I need more tea for this."

Chapter Text

Onion, Nami, and Chopper all watched attentively as Nami’s stomach began to pulsate and stretch - struggling with the size of the new arrival. 

Nami let out a tearful cry and rolled sideways onto the deck, narrowly missing Chopper’s fragmented Elvis horn wig. Their close proximity immediately made Chopper’s heart pulse faster than Nami’s stomach cavity. Swallowing his goopy deer saliva, he leaned in for a heavy kiss. 

“ACK!” A hair boot suddenly shoved itself between Chopper and Nami’s faces. Instead of getting a tongue-full of cottage cheese and hot farts (like he expected and lusted for), he inhaled a foot length of various hair textures. 

As the seconds ticked by with this hair down his throat, he found he did not mind it much. In a way, it made him reminisce about the days he spent licking Doctorine’s hair when she got head-based gangrene. With a mental shrug, he began slowly chewing the strands. 

Onion coughed loudly, making Chopper snap out of his daze. He whipped his eyes to the deity above him and immediately realized his place.

Joints cracking like he aged a millennia, Chopper performed a perfect back-handspring to distance himself. His deer drool overflowed at this point, leaking down his artisanal body and onto a charred piece of one of his ex-crew members remains. He kept his stare submissively lowered to Onion’s hefty crotch bulge as the god stared at him blankly.

‘The only reason I have not vaporized him into belly-button dust is because of my love for Elvis. Should he style his antlers any differently I shall destroy him faster than he can say “Hound Dog”.’ Onion shuddered thinking of the rock and roll legend, then turned his attention back to his squirming slave on the ground. 

‘It’s coming!’ Nami thought, clenching her body as hard as she could. She could feel the series of hard dry farts that left her as a result, but she was too focused on getting whomever was coming out of the portal out of her stomach to enjoy the feeling. 

With a final push, a white head of hair emerged from the portal and thudded on the ground in front of her. She let out a shocked burp when Onion gasped loudly in excitement.

“Smokey-Daddy!” 

Vice-Admiral Smoker pushed himself off the ground and opened his arms with a lazy grin.

“C’mere my sexy veggie…” 

Onion launched himself into his arms and they immediately began making out. Onion wrapped his leg boots around Smoker’s waist. The Vice-Admiral groaned as a result. 

Nami watched, panting and sweating. She immediately wished she could wrap her hairy legs around Chopper and do the same. She coughed into her hand and noticed how her breath smelled like hot farts. 

‘That toothpaste really did the trick,’ she thought. She looked over at Chopper and noticed how he kept his gaze firmly fixed on their rubbing crotches. Nami couldn’t blame him. 

Onion finally broke free from their lip locking and nibbled on the tip of Smoker’s nose. 

“Is it finally time my love? Have you finished what I have asked of you?” the god asked. Smoker slapped a hand on Onion’s ass, covering up a wince because it was actually quite bony. 

“Yes my veggie. I have killed everyone at your favorite resort island in the New World so we may have it all to ourselves. And the friends you desire to of course,” he chuckled, nuzzling Onion’s chin flab. Onion squealed and licked Smoker’s eye in appreciation. 

“My wonderful. I will love you forever. Let us not waste any more time.” Onion reluctantly slithered down Smoker’s body onto the deck. He turned to Nami and immediately fired a massive beam into her stomach. 

“NGH!” she cried, about to collapse again. Smoker walked behind her and lifted her into a starfish position. 

“Don’t worry my slave, I am just making sure your portal will be sizable enough to accommodate all of us…” Onion cooed to Nami, winking at Smoker. Smoker grunted, barely holding his lust back. 

“What about the raccoon?” Smoker ground out, impatient. Onion waved his hand. 

“We’ll take him. He can do a killer Elvis impression.” Both Onion and Smoker looked at Chopper expectantly. Still staring at Onion’s crotch, Chopper absentmindedly swung his legs in his signature movements. He finished with a halfhearted thrust and mumbled “...thank you very much…”. 

Smoker was impressed enough to forget his lust for mere seconds. 

“Amazing…” he mumbled. Onion chuckled then shot another beam into the air, creating a mist that smelled severely of raw tuna. 

“Time to go, my love…” Onion moaned, strutting through Nami’s portal. The belly button dust attached itself to everyone remaining, sucking them in suit. Nami’s body seemed to fold into itself before she was sucked through, leaving the Sunny forever floating in its charred, mushy legacy.

“AAAAH!” Nami came into awareness as she fell through a patch of palm trees and onto a coconut laying on the ground. 

“FUCK!” she yelled in a Scottish accent. She humped off the coconut and realized she was surrounded by tropical plants, not a reindeer nor deity in sight.

‘Where the hell am I?’ Just then, an armadillo crawled out from under the foliage and poked her with his snout. 

“What in Hogwarts’ name is going on?” The armadillo trilled, sounding exactly like Ron Weasley. He slurped up some ants from the ground. “I’m going to need more tea for this.”